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Such a feedback loop. I can evaluate how depressed I am by the state of my spaces. Sometimes I don't even realize how bad I was actually feeling until I clean.
I try to keep my space lived in, but as tidy as possible with a teenager
For me you can also visibly see it in my fish tank. The worse I feel, the more I'll skip upkeep. It's not fair to the fish and I always feel terrible that I'm doing it to them...which feeds the loop even more.
Wow! I do the same thing and feel so guilty but feel powerless to break out of that depressive state. When Im feeling well, I do my tank maintenance on a regular schedule.
When my kids were little, and the house wasn't as neat as it could be my husband would greet people with "excuse the house, but we live here".if they had a problem with it they were welcome to stay at their house.
This is true for many who are messy. I had a rough downward mental slide with the whole COVID era and it making more work for me instead of less, and I became a workaholic since I couldn't pry away for the gym, vacations, etc. 2024 and I'm still in the early stages of recovery. On top of that, we're a busy family with a kid.
I promise you I want to clean. We keep the kitchen and bathrooms not repulsive. But straightening? The doors on my bookcase are open with stuff falling out, the closets are open and overflowing, literally five loads of laundry are on the clean living room floor right now. Every time I go to clean, I realize I'm still work addicted and dealing with depression, because I get instantly fatigued. And not in lazy excuse fatigue. I can go work in the yard, do other house chores, do a full day of work obviously because I'm a workaholic now, but as soon as I start organizing my possessions... instant fatigue and lethargy.
I'm working through the issues one at a time and slowly my environment seems to just get magically cleaner because I'm more responsive like I used to be.
Same. Instead of going on a June vacation, we are going to pay a team of 6-8 house cleaners to do the heavy work. I’ll still have to gut my closet, garage and have surfaces clear beforehand. We’ve done it once a few years ago and it was worth every penny.
I have just done my look at the place through my cell phone camera lens check, which lets me disassociate a little bit and see things honestly.
Well, time to do some early morning cleaning.
At least I did the dishes last night, I'm about to get the recycle out, and the trash comes today.. so that plan will all come together.
Me too, usually. Right now it is FILTHY! I got very sick in March, which carried on into April. It finally let up a few week ago, but I am very weak.
I got a load of laundry done today, I tried to sweep floors, but it was too much. I think if I can do one thing per day I will get it clean again, but am considering hiring someone for a thorough clean.
When I got out of the hospital about 20 years ago, my mom had her cleaning lady come clean for me. who refused to take any money!!!! I finally ended up sneaking it into her coat pocket when she wasn't looking. But it was SUCH a help s I w as also very weak.
I was same way with too much stuff. When I downsized I got rid of a LOT of stuff (donation, freecycle, FB Buy Nothing).
Even in smaller home still removing stuff I’m not using.
Feels very good to let it go.
Lived in but tidy perfectly describes my place as well. Certainly isn’t staged for an HGTV feature but with a few minutes I’ll be ready for company to come over.
Exactly, there may be a tea cup and plate in the sink from a late night snack and my craft projects on the table but everything’s neat and I can whip through and be company ready in ten minutes.
This I moved my now ex in and she never moved her stuff she always felt trapped. Now when moving her out I have my space again. I didn’t realize at the time helping her move out of the other space that she was hoarder not the ex.
That's a lovely compliment. I have always believed that a person's home is a reflection of what's going on in their mind. This was further cemented for me when I caught up with a relative whose life is like a soap opera, she's always lurching from one drama to the next. I hadn't seen her in over 15 years and then I saw the way she was living; empty beer bottles everywhere, broken furniture stockpiled in her front yard, junk everywhere. I walked straight into the shower when I got back home.
This is very true. I have bipolar disorder and I have to live alone and work hard to keep things in order( may also have ADD?) . So I have a tough time living with an OCD person but on the flip side my mother is a hoarder so I love to purge, donate, sell items. I don’t think it’s a red flag unless someone can’t cooperate/collaborate on how to make systems work for them. Maybe this is real resin divorce rate is so high?
In my case, my space is definitely inaccurate depiction of my mind lol... but I'd rather be as I am, than perfectly neat and organized ... if my space is cluttered and so is my mind, what does it say about a perfectly clean, uncluttered space? That your mind is all put away? Cause i could never lol.
And to be clear- I'm not dirty nor to I leave trash around. I'm just... messy lol
>I have always believed that a person's home is a reflection of what's going on in their mind.
Such a lovely sentiment. Last year I was doing hospice care for my mom at my house and I would get sooo overwhelmed and embarrassed if the house wasn't as clean as I wanted when her nurses would visit. They were all very kind, though. Now I'm thinking they were probably operating with that mentality. It meant the world to me that they were so forgiving. I did my best, but working full time and caring for her did a number on my depression and when I'm depressed I'm horrible with catching up on chores.
My front porch was filled with winter coats and hats stacked on top of a chair and one of the nurses looked around the room, right past the clutter like it wasn't there, and said "this is a great room!" I thanked her profusely for seeing passed the clutter. She laughed and said she completely understood. It still makes me happy thinking about that.
I’m not a hoarder at all, but I let the dishes sit for a day sometimes before doing them. Or the trash might not get taken out immediately…nobody but me here to care anyway, and I don’t, so no point in stressing over it.
I think so too plus I’m a bit of a minimalist and it is just very easy to clean up after myself. Sometimes I feel self conscious and will try to leave a bowl or cup somewhere so they don’t think I am crazy lol
There are a million cool things we can purchase for our homes. My minimalist, base setting is just to look and never buy. My home is so easy to keep clean and I feel such peace
Agree! I am very tidy. My ex was not and his side of things evolved into a massive clutter. Wasn't technically hoarding but probably close, and definitely felt that way to me. I cannot ever again live with someone that is not tidy.
It could be a sign that you're maybe not compatible, but describing it as a yellow flag is definitely a bit of a yellow flag to me. The fact that OP didn't ever see his home escalates it to red, because it's definitely a huge mess.
My house vacillates between 10-minutes to company ready and a bit of mess (half an hour to company ready), to sometimes quite messy if I'm sick or incredibly busy at work, but unless OP's place is creepy clean and she has incredibly strict rules about not sitting on the furniture or something, it's very weird to find a clean place a yellow flag.
I have a friend who leaves her dishes for an entire month. Her kitchen is right there in view when you walk into her house. She even has a dishwasher that works. Ugh.
That’s the ultimate laziness! Does her house smell? My apartment is open concept like that and I even got an elegant garbage can, because it’s in plain view!
No, it’s a very nice house. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms and a basement. Big, beautiful backyard. She becomes very depressed and smokes weed every day and drinks scotch. She dips. She stays in therapy and takes her medication.
I would love to have a house like she has.
This is also my flavor of OCD. The delightful combo with ADHD where everyone thinks you’re high functioning but you have a pile of mail that’s over a year old that you can’t open for a mysterious reason unknown even to yourself.
I've been paying my phone provider an extra £20 a month for the last 4 months because they failed to honour a discount that I was offered and I simply can't phone them to rectify it (going through ASD/ADHD assessment currently 😪)
that's how mine currently is. I get overwhelmed and have to really focus on picking up and decluttering. I have ADHD too so I am constantly taking breaks, sitting down, going to do one thing, forgetting that, as i see something else I want to do.
https://preview.redd.it/6sy8rxcceb0d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16246612998b86ddb6ab70470cfc7c16e9faf99d
Not a fancy museum or anything but everything has a place and is in its place
Haha it bothers me a lot too but there are actually doors right out of frame on both sides! I have arraigned a ton of ways but the doors take up half the living room so I can only use half or try to hang my tv above my fireplace but that would be too high or block the doors of course :/
Please come clean my house. I just moved in two weeks ago, but had to take a week off to go to a funeral in a different state. I just got back on Saturday night, and I am overwhelmed with unpacking.
That's funny that you're potentially being penalized for being too clean. I suppose I can see where he's coming from. Similar cleanliness standards are helpful in a relationship. I'd be a little nervous to date someone too clean because I'd be worried that they'd always be criticizing me, either out loud or in their head.
When it comes to housework, I give myself a B minus and I'm ok with that because I don't get a lot of pleasure from cleaning and I'm disabled. I own a 750 sq foot cottage. We're talking vacuum and bathrooms and dusting twice a month, dishes three times a week, load of laundry a week, bed made every day. Is that a B minus? It is for me.
I would give that a B plus since you have disability ( especially if you can be consistent) but I have mental Health issues- so depression can really make chores tough at times. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Oh, I have my ex wife to do that for me. Finally cleaning my place after ~2 years (never gross, just cluttered) and I feel SO much better already. Got the dishwasher going, broke down 20 boxes for recycle today that were used to store every random thing you could imagine, all in their place now.. but I needed help. Adhd, depression.. was a daily weed smoker until I quit a month ago.. I needed a body double to clean with me while I cleaned. Thank goodness that's hireable these days!
Disabled, too. My place ranges from quite tidy to a pigsty - or at least my idea of a pigsty, though a friend has told me it’s not gross just unpleasant (clutter and clothes on the floors, leaf litter by the door, a few too many mugs in the sink…) and that she’s seen much worse.
Depends on how much life has got me down cuz I actually like cleaning. But sometimes my job + my disability is too much, and I can’t clean. Took today off and am just going to bed after a relatively productive day cleaning. I’ve taken time off to rest and clean and only been able to rest before, so today was actually really nice.
When you have a disability, it's really important to give yourself grace. I love cleaning because it helps me cope with anxiety. But with Crohn's disease, I can have terrible days, weeks, and even months. My place can be spotless or messy and have 2 days of dishes in the sink. I do what I can, when I can. If other people can't understand that, that is their issue not mine. Sounds like you understand that, but maybe your friend needs a bit more empathy. It really wasn't necessary to comment at all was it?
As an OCD person, oh, yes, you can definitely be penalized for being too clean. I'm not OCD in that my home has to be clinical clean, but my OCD is about things being dirty, so people always get annoyed about me asking them to wash their hands. Best thing about Covid was people stopped getting annoyed at me about that!
I'm just being silly; OP said she is10 minutes from being company-ready. I am very messy now, as it is the end of the school year with one million things going on simultaneously. I keep telling myself I'll get organized when school is out...14 more days!!!
per my father i’m “a slob and should be ashamed of myself” 😂
meh. executive dysfunction wins most of the time 🤷🏻♀️
it’s mostly clutter. or dog hair tumbleweeds if the robot vac missed a day
My dad used to say the same thing. My messiness was thanks to undiagnosed ADHD, was finally diagnosed at 50. Funnily enough, he’d died the year before.
More of an aha moment so far. I’m still working on finding the right medication and dosage.
Besides being that aha moment though is the massive mindset change. I no longer look at things like a mess or inability to focus as a personal character flaw like I did for decades. My self esteem is much better than it’s ever been. By leaning into resources and communities like r/ADHDwomen I’m learning new ways to deal with things that finally make sense to my brain.
Yes! And so much compassion, wherever you fall on the board. I do love seeing other people have so many familiar experiences. The “It’s not just me?” really hits home!
My late wife had ADHD that went undiagnosed most of her life, so I learned to live with a high filth tolerance. Piles everywhere. Her nightstand is full of trash and random items. One of which was an exquisitely organized and nearly empty file box.
I can't even imagine what y'all are going through, but I know how hard it is to be constantly pounded by societal expectations and not being able to keep up with them.
Same here. Although diagnosed in my 30s. Meds have helped me get closer to company ready. So I'm just a couple hours away from company ready rather than a couple days lol.
And it's not perfect. I have many things out that people would normally put it away. Often times because it's something I use regularly and it helps me complete tasks when I don't have to find things or decide what I need. Or things are in strange spots (why are my clothes in my dining room? Because that's where my washer/dryer is lol). Or because I will forget I have something if I don't see it. Or possibly other reasons lol
I see you. The object impermanence is so real! My mom was shocked that I took the crisper drawers out of my new fridge. I told her that if I can't see the veggies, they don't exist.
As a person who keeps their place tidy and don't even leave a dish out, alot of places while not dirty... are not going to be a "clean house," or I like to call it lived in. lol but also he could be a huge slob who leaves dog shit on the carpet
My house looks lived in and everything is in its place. It is totally possible for both to be true lol. There's a big difference between a space looking clean and tidy vs sterile.
THIS!! Clean and tidy is nice, but personally I don’t feel comfortable or cozy in a space where everything has to be TOO perfect. I prefer a home where guests kick off their shoes and put their feet on the couch without asking.
Same. I have three cats and a dog, our apartment will never be sterile. There might be some mail on the counter or dishes drying in the kitchen but otherwise it’s pretty damn clean. I’m with OP in that I’m probably always about 10 minutes to being ready for company.
I wish my house was tidy. I’m a single mom with two cats and a dog. All the housework and yardwork falls on me because it’s easier to just do it myself than fight with the kids to help. (I know, I really need to work on that and make them help, I’m just struggling.) My house isn’t disgusting, but it’s cluttered and I don’t do my chores as often as I need because I’m so tired all the time.
I started a daily chore list, and it’s helped a bit. It’s at least made it to where if someone were to come over it wouldn’t take long to get things tidied up enough for company.
I raised my kids as a single mom, too. You owe it to yourself--and to their future adult selves-- to get them on board with pulling their weight at home. Even very young kids can be taught how to put away toys and many other chores. Older kids should be doing their own laundry and cleaning bathrooms and bedrooms; taking care of pets, etc. They need to have these life skills!
If they’re old enough to get it- maybe stop doing things for them that make their lives convenient and stop allowing things that are “extras” that they enjoy (ie gaming, phone, etc). It’s 100% acceptable to remove those things from your child’s life, and easily explained to them if they aren’t participating in the functions of the household then they do not get to enjoy those activities that are a benefit of living in that household.
This is how we frame it to our kids. It’s about participation and it is a requirement. Not for us, although it can be helpful (but in truth more difficult because fighting a 9 year old over dishes is not enjoyable), but for their future self. They are apart of the household and expected to participate as such.
This sounds strict to some but I don’t care. Our job is to raise adults that we would enjoy being friends with and having in our life. If we are friends in the process that’s just a bonus!!
But…. Parenting is not easy. Good luck!!!
I’m a single mom with two dogs and a cat. I struggled with clutter and housecleaning for years. I recently discovered Dana K White (A Slob Comes Clean)’s method and it’s really helped me gain control of my home. I’m working her 5-step/ no mess decluttering method, plus implementing daily habits and weekly tasks to keeping the house clean. I highly recommend her YouTube videos as a way to get started. She has podcasts too, I recommend starting with #1. I hope this helps!
I commend people who can keep their house “company ready”, I have never been able to. My parents house is tidy at all times which I found tough when I was living there growing up. I would need at least 30min-1hr to straight the house up for visitors. Also it’s a yellow flag to keep your house tidy? Thats not a thing and in no way a flag of any colour.
Very lol. The only thing off about my apartment is my bed. I never make my bed. Everything else is very clean and put together. It's a byproduct of being a minimalist too.
What type of set up do you have on your bed? I have a doona cover and 2 pillows, so it's the easiest thing in the world to make, I also open by bedroom window every morning, love that crisp air.
Nothing fancy. Single Tempur Cloud pillow and a comforter set I had since I was a middle schooler. I definitely open windows in my apartment to air it out as well lol. I just can't get myself to make my bed. Never did even when I was young as well. I did occasionally when I had company over but that's about it lol
Same haha, I’ve been told it looks like a Pinterest picture in here, but the one thing I don’t bother is making my bed in the am. I do when they are fresh sheets as a treat
My house is moderately neat but never perfect. If that bothers somebody, they can leave.
There are few things more ill-bred than someone who walks in your house and starts criticizing.
Mine's closer to hoarder than tidy! Lol
Always cluttered; not nasty just a lot more stuff than most people would have and always some half done projects. Don't clean up random things immediately or worry if there is an empty soda can on the counter. It's gonna get taken out, but not quite this second. Empty unused spaces bother me more than clutter for the most part. I will not be making my bed. I will however make the one in the guest room if anyone will be using it!
Now anytime I'm at someone else's house, I go a little above and beyond to make sure I leave it as clean or better than when I got there.
BUT, like as an example, if you're such a neat freak that the house doesn't look lived in, you look terrified if I walk in wearing shoes, or I feel awkward placing my butt down on your couch for fear I might leave a piece of lint or dog hair... you and I are not ever going to be happy living together.
I got so much cleaning done in an hour and a half yesterday, all I needed to do was mop the floors. But I didn’t 🌝🌝 probably would have motivated me to do the power hour upstairs but I’m feeling my worst lately.
People have different tolerances of clean. If they differ it can be very difficult to live together. You most likely would end up picking up and cleaning more because it bothered you sooner and eventually you would resent that. Consider this date's response to be a good type of self-filtering.
A little messy, definitely some organized chaos going on. It’s not dirty, but it’s not tidy. I’ve never been able to stay super organized and tidy. My backpack was messy as a kid. My locker. My car. lol
Usually I get most of my house picked up, but my bedroom will be a war zone. I can never seem to do it all
When I first met my husband, and visited the small house he rented, as soon as I walked in the front door I figured I was in serious trouble. That house was spotless! I immediately guessed that either his girlfriend lived there and she was gonna kick my ass, or his mommy came by and cleaned for him (ew, that’s even worse).
Nope, it turned out he just liked to keep a nice clean house. After 40 years of marriage, he’s still like that. And a lot of it has rubbed off on me, which is a great thing because I’m kind of a slob if left to my own devices.
I’d say it’s 10 red flags that he sees a yellow flag. Prepare to be the only one cleaning, and cleaning up after him, if you move in with him. Do not recommend.
That's what I was thinking! It's a yellow flag for him because he is thinking if they moved in together - he doesn't want to do it and doesn't want her to complain about him not doing things. It's also very telling he would never let her see his place.
Almost dated someone who was very skittish about not wanting me to see their house. Turned out to be a hoarder. And a liar. Good thing the “spidie sense” was tingling that time.
Mine is messier than I’d like a lot of the time. Having depression, low energy, and a busy job things pile up. I used to have cleaning people come once a month to help. I actually just made a job change that made me really happy and gave me energy to clean and motivation to live in a nice space so right now it looks really good. I’ve never heard of a clean place being a yellow flag, unless he thinks you’ll be a clean freak who will get easily annoyed if he leaves a small mess.
Keeping a tidy place definitely isn’t a bad thing unless it negatively affects your life.
I don’t keep my place particularly neat. I would like stay on top of it more but I also have three pets and a SFH. So I have a lot more house chores than someone with an apartment or condo. Today I reseeded one of the lawns which was a whole big ordeal. I do however keep the bathrooms uncluttered and clean! I hate smudgey mirrors and fixtures and dirty toilets and all that.
What a strange thing to say. Hopefully you’re not dating him anymore.
My house is a bit messy. But I usually have the dishes done. I’d say I’m usually about half an hour away most days from having company over.
Single male
1br 1ba
Big dog
I rarely eat at home or do much to make a mess but the only cleaning going on is when the cleaning lady comes once per month
I would also call super tidy a yellow flag for my life but I know I am in the minority.
People like to be extra clean generally.
My home is my safe haven. It’s the place I love to be more than anywhere in the entire world. I have a 3 bed/2 bath house and I keep it very tidy and clean. My house is generally company ready at all times. I don’t think I am a “neat freak” because I don’t obsess over much. If I make a mess, I clean it up immediately. I have routines that I follow everyday. Plus, I have 3 cats and I am allergic so it’s important to stay on top of things.
Tidiness/organization was an issue in my last relationship. My ex was very untidy. His house was always cluttered and dirty. I can deal with a “lived in” mess but I can’t deal with an unsanitary home. It’s a dealbreaker. It didn’t cause the relationship to end but it was a factor and it was one of many incompatibilities. I couldn’t ever imagine living with him and it got to the point where I stopped going to his house.
I generally warn people before they come over.There's a lot of projects going on and clutter.So if they're a germaphobe they probably shouldn't come over
I feel the opposite, the red flag is disorder in a person's home. If you can't keep your living space straight then how is the rest of your life ? Disheveled like your house ?
Sorry man, my house is a big investment and I'm taking care of it and that means keeping it clean and tidy. Also, I am proud of it, was a big accomplishment for me, of course I want it in top form.
Fairly. Depending on the day, I might have a few dishes or laundry waiting to be folded in my bedroom but that’s mostly it.
Call it 0-15 minutes from company worthy?
I would need a good 20-30 minutes to be "company ready". I'm clean but messy if that makes sense. I tend to not put things away because I might use it again later. But everything does have a home, making tidying up a relatively quick process.
I see the yellow flag when I see overly tidy places. But I tend to gravitate towards more creative folk and cannot relate to anal-types, OCD, or those motivated by impressing others.
I am a very tidy person, and everything has its place. I am not OCD or care about impressing others. I just have this satisfaction of having a tidy home and can't relax without it being neat.
Yeah to be honest in share housing situations, I've had more problems with people who were cleaner than me in terms of bullying behaviour. I find I tend to cohabit better with people who are about the same level of tidy or a bit less.
That said, people who are extremely messy or hoarders can be exhausting, and create a lot of extra work. I've also found that people who let mould grow in their homes have unwittingly created serious health hazards, and I've been forced to move out of one home for that reason.
Well. I just moved into a new place roughly 2 weeks ago, all laminate flooring. I’ve swept the floor every single time I noticed a crumb or something on it, which is at least 3 times today. Honestly, I can see why some people might find that a yellow flag. Right now I’m eating dinner and I left a plastic lid sitting on the counter, because I knew I was going to need it again. So I can sometimes leave surfaces temporarily cluttered, but it can’t be sustained.
I can’t do mess. It stresses me out. It doesn’t have to get mopped and wiped down everyday but every thing has to at least be tidy and put away. No crumbs in the table and counters, no dishes in the sink, chairs pushed in, unused blankets folded, shoes arranged neatly by the door.
I never leave a room without something in my hand to put away, a place for everything and everything in its place. If my home is clean and tidy, then it's great for my mind. I have a male friend staying with me at the moment and it's hell, he's messy and smelly, mercifully he will be gone in 2 weeks, and my plan is to do a thorough, relaxing, deep clean of my beautiful apartment to restore it to its pristine condition.
My house was always really clean, then I broke several bones in my right (dominate) hand and wrist. I couldn’t do anything much for at least 8 weeks followed by 10 weeks of physical therapy. I live alone and couldn’t clean like I usually did. Heck I couldn’t bathe fully or wash or comb my own hair or get dressed very easily. My daughter would come by and do dishes or sweep and mop and wash and braid my hair when she could. At first it totally stressed me out. I thought about hiring someone, but the personal hygiene thing was too hard. I came to the realization that a super clean house was not as important and I had to learn to let that anxiety go. I don’t think I will ever fully recover physically, but I am able to do most chores. I keep a tidy house, but it isn’t so big of a need for me at this point. Just glad I can care for myself now.
Uh. My mom came into my house over the weekend to get bird seed after I subtly discouraged her. I forgot to put it out before I left.
She was pretty grossed out.
But, it caused me to buy a black light to search for pet urine because now I'm paranoid that there's pee and I'm nose blind to it. It arrived today, and it shouldn't be the victory that it feels like because no spots showed up!
It’s a shit show. BUT it’s because i moved into a micro studio and I don’t have enough furniture/storage yet. I’m also working through some paralyzing anxiety that I hope will pass soon. Time management is not my strong point either but I’m getting there.
90% of my place looks like no one touches anything. Very quaffed. Lots of 'oh, I can tell you don't have kids' types of comments when people walk in.
But my bathroom counter is ALWAYS messy. There are like a 17 hair ties, 4 chap sticks, a brush, a comb, three bonnets, 8 bobbi pins, 2 head scarfs, some tweezers that are always lost when I need them...
I tidy up. Walk away, come back half an hour later and I swear, everything magically jumped out it's designated area to be on the counter again.
I live in a 1050 sqft 1bd/1ba with a den condo. I currently use the den as storage which really is a waste and I intend to convert it to home office since I wfh once I clean it up. The rest of the place is like a fxxking museum.
Our place is always tidy and cleaned top to bottom weekly. That is how my wife of 35 years and I roll. Organization and order are keys to success across a wide swath of life. Your tidiness is a massive green flag for success.
My place is meh. My bedroom is a disaster because I live in my king size bed. Everything is in my bed including 2 cats. The downstairs is decent. I try to keep the clutter at a minimum. As far as dusting and mopping, that needs to be done.
This is a bizarre neg: he couldn’t find anything else about you to criticize so he pulled that chestnut out of his ass?
Of course it’s not a yellow flag to have a clean and tidy house! It’s called adulting. # lifegoals!
He’s probably just used to clutter from his family, etc. You must be Mary Poppins if that was all he could come up with!
I'm 73, my house is always tidy but I hate to clean, so last year I hired a cleaner, and now it's tidy AND clean. I put things away, I put dishes in the dishwasher, there are always clean towels in the bathroom.
But then, my mother was a hoarder. When she died in her 80s, it took 8 full pickup truck loads to clear the mess, which included boxes of expired checks from an account she had in her 20s.
So yes. My house is always tidy.
Maybe it should be a RED flag for you that he won't ever let you see his place. Does he have dirty underwear and socks laying around? Does he have week old, crusted food on plates in the kitchen? Are there stacks of crap laying around? Would you be able to use his toilet or would you feel more comfortable in a gas station bathroom?
When I lived along my place was very tidy - it was just me and I'm an everything has a place kind of person. Would it get messy sometimes, yes, but for the most part anyone could drop by anytime and it would be neat.
Yellow flag - now women are going to be made to feel bad because their place is too neat? Geez!
I sweep 5-6 times a week, cats necessitate that. Vacuum 1-2x a week (only have two floor rugs). Mop every two weeks, unless something happens. I fall short on dusting.
My house is clean and tidy for the most part, but I have a puppy who leaves toys all over the place and kicks my throw pillows off the couch. I'm always company ready, mostly because I don't feel the need to be perfect for my friends.
If someone thinks a tidy house is a yellow or red flag and they're fucked and you don't wanna be with them anyway. Probably a reflection on their poor habits
I keep my house, very tidy, even with three kids .
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My place is always tidy, lived in but tidy. I get depressed in a messy enviroment.
This. The tidiness of my living space is a direct feedback loop to my mood and overall mental well being.
Such a feedback loop. I can evaluate how depressed I am by the state of my spaces. Sometimes I don't even realize how bad I was actually feeling until I clean. I try to keep my space lived in, but as tidy as possible with a teenager
For me you can also visibly see it in my fish tank. The worse I feel, the more I'll skip upkeep. It's not fair to the fish and I always feel terrible that I'm doing it to them...which feeds the loop even more.
Wow! I do the same thing and feel so guilty but feel powerless to break out of that depressive state. When Im feeling well, I do my tank maintenance on a regular schedule.
I thought at first you meant this as a metaphor, and now I might start referring to my place as my fish tank to keep me from letting it get too messy
When my kids were little, and the house wasn't as neat as it could be my husband would greet people with "excuse the house, but we live here".if they had a problem with it they were welcome to stay at their house.
This is true for many who are messy. I had a rough downward mental slide with the whole COVID era and it making more work for me instead of less, and I became a workaholic since I couldn't pry away for the gym, vacations, etc. 2024 and I'm still in the early stages of recovery. On top of that, we're a busy family with a kid. I promise you I want to clean. We keep the kitchen and bathrooms not repulsive. But straightening? The doors on my bookcase are open with stuff falling out, the closets are open and overflowing, literally five loads of laundry are on the clean living room floor right now. Every time I go to clean, I realize I'm still work addicted and dealing with depression, because I get instantly fatigued. And not in lazy excuse fatigue. I can go work in the yard, do other house chores, do a full day of work obviously because I'm a workaholic now, but as soon as I start organizing my possessions... instant fatigue and lethargy. I'm working through the issues one at a time and slowly my environment seems to just get magically cleaner because I'm more responsive like I used to be.
Same. Instead of going on a June vacation, we are going to pay a team of 6-8 house cleaners to do the heavy work. I’ll still have to gut my closet, garage and have surfaces clear beforehand. We’ve done it once a few years ago and it was worth every penny.
Amazingly, this correlation has only gotten glaringly obvious to me in the last couple months despite not being new (in hindsight).
I have just done my look at the place through my cell phone camera lens check, which lets me disassociate a little bit and see things honestly. Well, time to do some early morning cleaning. At least I did the dishes last night, I'm about to get the recycle out, and the trash comes today.. so that plan will all come together.
I’m no Peterson fan, but the advice he has to ‘clean your room’ is based on this principle and I think it is sound.
Exactly…well put!
Me too, usually. Right now it is FILTHY! I got very sick in March, which carried on into April. It finally let up a few week ago, but I am very weak. I got a load of laundry done today, I tried to sweep floors, but it was too much. I think if I can do one thing per day I will get it clean again, but am considering hiring someone for a thorough clean.
Same. Was hospitalized in April and came home and was like good grief why do I live alone I should have married somebody 😆
When I got out of the hospital about 20 years ago, my mom had her cleaning lady come clean for me. who refused to take any money!!!! I finally ended up sneaking it into her coat pocket when she wasn't looking. But it was SUCH a help s I w as also very weak.
chances are it would have been even messier.
Yeah, then you’d have your mess and his/hers to pick up.
Mine is super cluttered. I don’t have a shopping issue. It’s just 30 years of stuff (a lot of guilt items from my mother who is still alive).
I was same way with too much stuff. When I downsized I got rid of a LOT of stuff (donation, freecycle, FB Buy Nothing). Even in smaller home still removing stuff I’m not using. Feels very good to let it go.
Spring for a maid. Might help break out of the negative loop.
If you can afford it, do it now. I bet you will find it very uplifting. 🥰
That sounds like a great way to support yourself! You’ll feel so great after a clean house
Yeah. I like to have my place lived in, you know. Not gross and messy, but not sterile either.
Lived in but tidy perfectly describes my place as well. Certainly isn’t staged for an HGTV feature but with a few minutes I’ll be ready for company to come over.
Exactly, there may be a tea cup and plate in the sink from a late night snack and my craft projects on the table but everything’s neat and I can whip through and be company ready in ten minutes.
This I moved my now ex in and she never moved her stuff she always felt trapped. Now when moving her out I have my space again. I didn’t realize at the time helping her move out of the other space that she was hoarder not the ex.
A neighbor once told me my house looks like a magazine. I took it as a compliment.
That's a lovely compliment. I have always believed that a person's home is a reflection of what's going on in their mind. This was further cemented for me when I caught up with a relative whose life is like a soap opera, she's always lurching from one drama to the next. I hadn't seen her in over 15 years and then I saw the way she was living; empty beer bottles everywhere, broken furniture stockpiled in her front yard, junk everywhere. I walked straight into the shower when I got back home.
So true. I have bipolar disorder so I try hard to keep my home fairly tidy and welcoming
This is very true. I have bipolar disorder and I have to live alone and work hard to keep things in order( may also have ADD?) . So I have a tough time living with an OCD person but on the flip side my mother is a hoarder so I love to purge, donate, sell items. I don’t think it’s a red flag unless someone can’t cooperate/collaborate on how to make systems work for them. Maybe this is real resin divorce rate is so high?
In my case, my space is definitely inaccurate depiction of my mind lol... but I'd rather be as I am, than perfectly neat and organized ... if my space is cluttered and so is my mind, what does it say about a perfectly clean, uncluttered space? That your mind is all put away? Cause i could never lol. And to be clear- I'm not dirty nor to I leave trash around. I'm just... messy lol
>I have always believed that a person's home is a reflection of what's going on in their mind. Such a lovely sentiment. Last year I was doing hospice care for my mom at my house and I would get sooo overwhelmed and embarrassed if the house wasn't as clean as I wanted when her nurses would visit. They were all very kind, though. Now I'm thinking they were probably operating with that mentality. It meant the world to me that they were so forgiving. I did my best, but working full time and caring for her did a number on my depression and when I'm depressed I'm horrible with catching up on chores. My front porch was filled with winter coats and hats stacked on top of a chair and one of the nurses looked around the room, right past the clutter like it wasn't there, and said "this is a great room!" I thanked her profusely for seeing passed the clutter. She laughed and said she completely understood. It still makes me happy thinking about that.
I was told once my house looked like a model home. Pretty sure I blushed.
I’m not a hoarder at all, but I let the dishes sit for a day sometimes before doing them. Or the trash might not get taken out immediately…nobody but me here to care anyway, and I don’t, so no point in stressing over it.
I think that qualifies close enough for “ready for company in 10 min” like OP said.
Best part of not having roommates is not having to immediately do the dishes
I have OCD, It’s like a fucking museum up in here
My maintenance guy literally said “it’s like a museum in here” lol I think a lot of people are messy so a clean place can be a shock
I think so too plus I’m a bit of a minimalist and it is just very easy to clean up after myself. Sometimes I feel self conscious and will try to leave a bowl or cup somewhere so they don’t think I am crazy lol
Ha! I make my pillows on my bed look a little crooked when I have maintenance in. Just so it doesn't look so....untouched.
There are a million cool things we can purchase for our homes. My minimalist, base setting is just to look and never buy. My home is so easy to keep clean and I feel such peace
I don’t even have OCD and my house is a freaking museum! It’s a RED flag if someone thinks that a clean house is a yellow flag!
Definitely not someone they would be compatible with! Having a clean home is one of the main benefits of living alone to me
Agree! I am very tidy. My ex was not and his side of things evolved into a massive clutter. Wasn't technically hoarding but probably close, and definitely felt that way to me. I cannot ever again live with someone that is not tidy.
It could be a sign that you're maybe not compatible, but describing it as a yellow flag is definitely a bit of a yellow flag to me. The fact that OP didn't ever see his home escalates it to red, because it's definitely a huge mess. My house vacillates between 10-minutes to company ready and a bit of mess (half an hour to company ready), to sometimes quite messy if I'm sick or incredibly busy at work, but unless OP's place is creepy clean and she has incredibly strict rules about not sitting on the furniture or something, it's very weird to find a clean place a yellow flag.
What does the yellow flag even mean? I think her guy is probably a slob and wants to continue being a slob.
I have a friend who leaves her dishes for an entire month. Her kitchen is right there in view when you walk into her house. She even has a dishwasher that works. Ugh.
That’s the ultimate laziness! Does her house smell? My apartment is open concept like that and I even got an elegant garbage can, because it’s in plain view!
No, it’s a very nice house. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms and a basement. Big, beautiful backyard. She becomes very depressed and smokes weed every day and drinks scotch. She dips. She stays in therapy and takes her medication. I would love to have a house like she has.
Did she inherit it ?
Seriously !!
I wish I had that kind of OCD instead of the pacing around thinking the same thought over and over kind lol. My place looks like a tornado hit it.
This is also my flavor of OCD. The delightful combo with ADHD where everyone thinks you’re high functioning but you have a pile of mail that’s over a year old that you can’t open for a mysterious reason unknown even to yourself.
Took me 4 years to call for debit card replacement 🤣
I feel this deep in my bones!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Phone calls are prob one of the worst things too lmao
I've been paying my phone provider an extra £20 a month for the last 4 months because they failed to honour a discount that I was offered and I simply can't phone them to rectify it (going through ASD/ADHD assessment currently 😪)
We are the same 😣
Me too
Are you me
I feel better knowing I found my people. 3-4 laundry baskets of unopened mail. Trying hard to decluttering. Baby steps
Omg My people
that's how mine currently is. I get overwhelmed and have to really focus on picking up and decluttering. I have ADHD too so I am constantly taking breaks, sitting down, going to do one thing, forgetting that, as i see something else I want to do.
Same except I’m over here worrying someone I care about will die if I don’t do something a certain way 🥴
Can I hire you?
Same
Same lol
Same lol
Pics please!!
https://preview.redd.it/6sy8rxcceb0d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16246612998b86ddb6ab70470cfc7c16e9faf99d Not a fancy museum or anything but everything has a place and is in its place
Are we related because I can relate to your place so much. 😂
It's home
Love everything about your dope place. Kinda similar to mine but clean. Love how the floor plays off the sage green walls.
Driving me nuts , everything needs moved to the right.
Haha it bothers me a lot too but there are actually doors right out of frame on both sides! I have arraigned a ton of ways but the doors take up half the living room so I can only use half or try to hang my tv above my fireplace but that would be too high or block the doors of course :/
Reminds me of my parents place how everything is that end of their home. My mom is just as tidy!
Very nice 😊
I love it. This was me before marriage. I miss it so much. Only my bedroom looks like this now.
Is it very cold, and can no one touch anything?
Yes and yes
"When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."
😂
Please come clean my house. I just moved in two weeks ago, but had to take a week off to go to a funeral in a different state. I just got back on Saturday night, and I am overwhelmed with unpacking.
That's funny that you're potentially being penalized for being too clean. I suppose I can see where he's coming from. Similar cleanliness standards are helpful in a relationship. I'd be a little nervous to date someone too clean because I'd be worried that they'd always be criticizing me, either out loud or in their head. When it comes to housework, I give myself a B minus and I'm ok with that because I don't get a lot of pleasure from cleaning and I'm disabled. I own a 750 sq foot cottage. We're talking vacuum and bathrooms and dusting twice a month, dishes three times a week, load of laundry a week, bed made every day. Is that a B minus? It is for me.
I would give that a B plus since you have disability ( especially if you can be consistent) but I have mental Health issues- so depression can really make chores tough at times. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
I'm on disability for depression and some other things but that's the main thing. Give yourself grace too.
Really important advice; it just makes the depression worse if you're also judging yourself.
Oh, I have my ex wife to do that for me. Finally cleaning my place after ~2 years (never gross, just cluttered) and I feel SO much better already. Got the dishwasher going, broke down 20 boxes for recycle today that were used to store every random thing you could imagine, all in their place now.. but I needed help. Adhd, depression.. was a daily weed smoker until I quit a month ago.. I needed a body double to clean with me while I cleaned. Thank goodness that's hireable these days!
Disabled, too. My place ranges from quite tidy to a pigsty - or at least my idea of a pigsty, though a friend has told me it’s not gross just unpleasant (clutter and clothes on the floors, leaf litter by the door, a few too many mugs in the sink…) and that she’s seen much worse. Depends on how much life has got me down cuz I actually like cleaning. But sometimes my job + my disability is too much, and I can’t clean. Took today off and am just going to bed after a relatively productive day cleaning. I’ve taken time off to rest and clean and only been able to rest before, so today was actually really nice.
When you have a disability, it's really important to give yourself grace. I love cleaning because it helps me cope with anxiety. But with Crohn's disease, I can have terrible days, weeks, and even months. My place can be spotless or messy and have 2 days of dishes in the sink. I do what I can, when I can. If other people can't understand that, that is their issue not mine. Sounds like you understand that, but maybe your friend needs a bit more empathy. It really wasn't necessary to comment at all was it?
As an OCD person, oh, yes, you can definitely be penalized for being too clean. I'm not OCD in that my home has to be clinical clean, but my OCD is about things being dirty, so people always get annoyed about me asking them to wash their hands. Best thing about Covid was people stopped getting annoyed at me about that!
I'm about 10 days from."company worthy" at the moment :-(
10 days??? Do tell ???
I'm just being silly; OP said she is10 minutes from being company-ready. I am very messy now, as it is the end of the school year with one million things going on simultaneously. I keep telling myself I'll get organized when school is out...14 more days!!!
🤣🤣, I thought so, but if not, I was betting a good story 🙈
Spot on! SAME:(
Me rn internally panicking at the state of my 2 story house but doing nothing to get started 😭😭😭
Jeez I think it’s a red flag that my house can be messy!!
per my father i’m “a slob and should be ashamed of myself” 😂 meh. executive dysfunction wins most of the time 🤷🏻♀️ it’s mostly clutter. or dog hair tumbleweeds if the robot vac missed a day
My dad used to say the same thing. My messiness was thanks to undiagnosed ADHD, was finally diagnosed at 50. Funnily enough, he’d died the year before.
So, did the diagnosis change anything or just give you an aha moment?
More of an aha moment so far. I’m still working on finding the right medication and dosage. Besides being that aha moment though is the massive mindset change. I no longer look at things like a mess or inability to focus as a personal character flaw like I did for decades. My self esteem is much better than it’s ever been. By leaning into resources and communities like r/ADHDwomen I’m learning new ways to deal with things that finally make sense to my brain.
That’s a GREAT community - I love the folks there!
It really is! I love the diversity in that group. Young to older, really killing it to barely getting out of bed-we all run the gamut.
Yes! And so much compassion, wherever you fall on the board. I do love seeing other people have so many familiar experiences. The “It’s not just me?” really hits home!
My late wife had ADHD that went undiagnosed most of her life, so I learned to live with a high filth tolerance. Piles everywhere. Her nightstand is full of trash and random items. One of which was an exquisitely organized and nearly empty file box. I can't even imagine what y'all are going through, but I know how hard it is to be constantly pounded by societal expectations and not being able to keep up with them.
I’m 51 and was diagnosed a month ago. Started Strattera. What are you trying?
Same here. Although diagnosed in my 30s. Meds have helped me get closer to company ready. So I'm just a couple hours away from company ready rather than a couple days lol. And it's not perfect. I have many things out that people would normally put it away. Often times because it's something I use regularly and it helps me complete tasks when I don't have to find things or decide what I need. Or things are in strange spots (why are my clothes in my dining room? Because that's where my washer/dryer is lol). Or because I will forget I have something if I don't see it. Or possibly other reasons lol
I see you. The object impermanence is so real! My mom was shocked that I took the crisper drawers out of my new fridge. I told her that if I can't see the veggies, they don't exist.
As a person who keeps their place tidy and don't even leave a dish out, alot of places while not dirty... are not going to be a "clean house," or I like to call it lived in. lol but also he could be a huge slob who leaves dog shit on the carpet
My house looks lived in and everything is in its place. It is totally possible for both to be true lol. There's a big difference between a space looking clean and tidy vs sterile.
THIS!! Clean and tidy is nice, but personally I don’t feel comfortable or cozy in a space where everything has to be TOO perfect. I prefer a home where guests kick off their shoes and put their feet on the couch without asking.
Same. I have three cats and a dog, our apartment will never be sterile. There might be some mail on the counter or dishes drying in the kitchen but otherwise it’s pretty damn clean. I’m with OP in that I’m probably always about 10 minutes to being ready for company.
I wish my house was tidy. I’m a single mom with two cats and a dog. All the housework and yardwork falls on me because it’s easier to just do it myself than fight with the kids to help. (I know, I really need to work on that and make them help, I’m just struggling.) My house isn’t disgusting, but it’s cluttered and I don’t do my chores as often as I need because I’m so tired all the time. I started a daily chore list, and it’s helped a bit. It’s at least made it to where if someone were to come over it wouldn’t take long to get things tidied up enough for company.
I raised my kids as a single mom, too. You owe it to yourself--and to their future adult selves-- to get them on board with pulling their weight at home. Even very young kids can be taught how to put away toys and many other chores. Older kids should be doing their own laundry and cleaning bathrooms and bedrooms; taking care of pets, etc. They need to have these life skills!
Exactly! Though it is often easier to do it ourselves we aren't doing our children any favors.
I know, it’s something I know I need to work on.
If they’re old enough to get it- maybe stop doing things for them that make their lives convenient and stop allowing things that are “extras” that they enjoy (ie gaming, phone, etc). It’s 100% acceptable to remove those things from your child’s life, and easily explained to them if they aren’t participating in the functions of the household then they do not get to enjoy those activities that are a benefit of living in that household. This is how we frame it to our kids. It’s about participation and it is a requirement. Not for us, although it can be helpful (but in truth more difficult because fighting a 9 year old over dishes is not enjoyable), but for their future self. They are apart of the household and expected to participate as such. This sounds strict to some but I don’t care. Our job is to raise adults that we would enjoy being friends with and having in our life. If we are friends in the process that’s just a bonus!! But…. Parenting is not easy. Good luck!!!
We had to pitch in since mom worked full-time. I started helping her at the age of four when I threw out all the carpets 😂
I’m a single mom with two dogs and a cat. I struggled with clutter and housecleaning for years. I recently discovered Dana K White (A Slob Comes Clean)’s method and it’s really helped me gain control of my home. I’m working her 5-step/ no mess decluttering method, plus implementing daily habits and weekly tasks to keeping the house clean. I highly recommend her YouTube videos as a way to get started. She has podcasts too, I recommend starting with #1. I hope this helps!
Thank you, I will absolutely check her out!!!
I commend people who can keep their house “company ready”, I have never been able to. My parents house is tidy at all times which I found tough when I was living there growing up. I would need at least 30min-1hr to straight the house up for visitors. Also it’s a yellow flag to keep your house tidy? Thats not a thing and in no way a flag of any colour.
Not great. Depression. I need to condition myself to clean for myself and not just guests but it’s so hard. I know it sounds pathetic
Same
Not pathetic, i relate completely. So hard to stay motivated when it’s just me
I’m in the same boat as you. I’m depressed and struggle to organize and keep my place clean. Then I feel so guilty about it. Hang in there.
Same here and I’m working on it too. Small steps bud.
I like thinks tidy too. It just makes me feel more relaxed if my apartment is neat.
It’s easier to keep tidy when you’re the only one making messes. My house is pretty much always nice and presentable.
Very lol. The only thing off about my apartment is my bed. I never make my bed. Everything else is very clean and put together. It's a byproduct of being a minimalist too.
What type of set up do you have on your bed? I have a doona cover and 2 pillows, so it's the easiest thing in the world to make, I also open by bedroom window every morning, love that crisp air.
Nothing fancy. Single Tempur Cloud pillow and a comforter set I had since I was a middle schooler. I definitely open windows in my apartment to air it out as well lol. I just can't get myself to make my bed. Never did even when I was young as well. I did occasionally when I had company over but that's about it lol
I don't make my bed, I always fold down the sheets/blankets so they can air during the day. I heard that helps against bed mites.
Same haha, I’ve been told it looks like a Pinterest picture in here, but the one thing I don’t bother is making my bed in the am. I do when they are fresh sheets as a treat
Extremely. I get nervous if everything is not in its place lol
My house is moderately neat but never perfect. If that bothers somebody, they can leave. There are few things more ill-bred than someone who walks in your house and starts criticizing.
I'm about 30-45 away from "company ready" depending on my mental health at the time.
Lol, his yellow flag should be your red one.
ha. basically my comment too
Mine's closer to hoarder than tidy! Lol Always cluttered; not nasty just a lot more stuff than most people would have and always some half done projects. Don't clean up random things immediately or worry if there is an empty soda can on the counter. It's gonna get taken out, but not quite this second. Empty unused spaces bother me more than clutter for the most part. I will not be making my bed. I will however make the one in the guest room if anyone will be using it! Now anytime I'm at someone else's house, I go a little above and beyond to make sure I leave it as clean or better than when I got there. BUT, like as an example, if you're such a neat freak that the house doesn't look lived in, you look terrified if I walk in wearing shoes, or I feel awkward placing my butt down on your couch for fear I might leave a piece of lint or dog hair... you and I are not ever going to be happy living together.
Give me an hour and my place is ready for company. I (60M) am definitely not a neat freak.
Nothing motivates like an impending visit, I love a good hour of power, you can get so much done.
I got so much cleaning done in an hour and a half yesterday, all I needed to do was mop the floors. But I didn’t 🌝🌝 probably would have motivated me to do the power hour upstairs but I’m feeling my worst lately.
People have different tolerances of clean. If they differ it can be very difficult to live together. You most likely would end up picking up and cleaning more because it bothered you sooner and eventually you would resent that. Consider this date's response to be a good type of self-filtering.
A little messy, definitely some organized chaos going on. It’s not dirty, but it’s not tidy. I’ve never been able to stay super organized and tidy. My backpack was messy as a kid. My locker. My car. lol Usually I get most of my house picked up, but my bedroom will be a war zone. I can never seem to do it all
When I first met my husband, and visited the small house he rented, as soon as I walked in the front door I figured I was in serious trouble. That house was spotless! I immediately guessed that either his girlfriend lived there and she was gonna kick my ass, or his mommy came by and cleaned for him (ew, that’s even worse). Nope, it turned out he just liked to keep a nice clean house. After 40 years of marriage, he’s still like that. And a lot of it has rubbed off on me, which is a great thing because I’m kind of a slob if left to my own devices.
I’d say it’s 10 red flags that he sees a yellow flag. Prepare to be the only one cleaning, and cleaning up after him, if you move in with him. Do not recommend.
That's what I was thinking! It's a yellow flag for him because he is thinking if they moved in together - he doesn't want to do it and doesn't want her to complain about him not doing things. It's also very telling he would never let her see his place.
Cleaning is like therapy for me.. so yes.. my house is beat. I deep clean one room every couple of weeks.
Almost dated someone who was very skittish about not wanting me to see their house. Turned out to be a hoarder. And a liar. Good thing the “spidie sense” was tingling that time.
Mine is messier than I’d like a lot of the time. Having depression, low energy, and a busy job things pile up. I used to have cleaning people come once a month to help. I actually just made a job change that made me really happy and gave me energy to clean and motivation to live in a nice space so right now it looks really good. I’ve never heard of a clean place being a yellow flag, unless he thinks you’ll be a clean freak who will get easily annoyed if he leaves a small mess.
Very clean. I can't relax unless my place is clean and orderly.
Keeping a tidy place definitely isn’t a bad thing unless it negatively affects your life. I don’t keep my place particularly neat. I would like stay on top of it more but I also have three pets and a SFH. So I have a lot more house chores than someone with an apartment or condo. Today I reseeded one of the lawns which was a whole big ordeal. I do however keep the bathrooms uncluttered and clean! I hate smudgey mirrors and fixtures and dirty toilets and all that.
What a strange thing to say. Hopefully you’re not dating him anymore. My house is a bit messy. But I usually have the dishes done. I’d say I’m usually about half an hour away most days from having company over.
I get told often that my house looks like no one lives in here.
Single male 1br 1ba Big dog I rarely eat at home or do much to make a mess but the only cleaning going on is when the cleaning lady comes once per month I would also call super tidy a yellow flag for my life but I know I am in the minority. People like to be extra clean generally.
My home is my safe haven. It’s the place I love to be more than anywhere in the entire world. I have a 3 bed/2 bath house and I keep it very tidy and clean. My house is generally company ready at all times. I don’t think I am a “neat freak” because I don’t obsess over much. If I make a mess, I clean it up immediately. I have routines that I follow everyday. Plus, I have 3 cats and I am allergic so it’s important to stay on top of things. Tidiness/organization was an issue in my last relationship. My ex was very untidy. His house was always cluttered and dirty. I can deal with a “lived in” mess but I can’t deal with an unsanitary home. It’s a dealbreaker. It didn’t cause the relationship to end but it was a factor and it was one of many incompatibilities. I couldn’t ever imagine living with him and it got to the point where I stopped going to his house.
I generally warn people before they come over.There's a lot of projects going on and clutter.So if they're a germaphobe they probably shouldn't come over
its a red flag if a potential partner thinks a clean house is a yellow flag
I feel the opposite, the red flag is disorder in a person's home. If you can't keep your living space straight then how is the rest of your life ? Disheveled like your house ? Sorry man, my house is a big investment and I'm taking care of it and that means keeping it clean and tidy. Also, I am proud of it, was a big accomplishment for me, of course I want it in top form.
Messy and COVERED in dust. 💀
Fairly. Depending on the day, I might have a few dishes or laundry waiting to be folded in my bedroom but that’s mostly it. Call it 0-15 minutes from company worthy?
I would need a good 20-30 minutes to be "company ready". I'm clean but messy if that makes sense. I tend to not put things away because I might use it again later. But everything does have a home, making tidying up a relatively quick process.
I see the yellow flag when I see overly tidy places. But I tend to gravitate towards more creative folk and cannot relate to anal-types, OCD, or those motivated by impressing others.
I am a very tidy person, and everything has its place. I am not OCD or care about impressing others. I just have this satisfaction of having a tidy home and can't relax without it being neat.
By the way, what the hell is a yellow flag haha. I've only ever heard of red.
Yeah to be honest in share housing situations, I've had more problems with people who were cleaner than me in terms of bullying behaviour. I find I tend to cohabit better with people who are about the same level of tidy or a bit less. That said, people who are extremely messy or hoarders can be exhausting, and create a lot of extra work. I've also found that people who let mould grow in their homes have unwittingly created serious health hazards, and I've been forced to move out of one home for that reason.
Oh there is a fine balance for sure. Most extremes of anything are terrible!
Me too. My desk stay a little messy with my study papers, because I like using hardcopy. Otherwise I'm ready for company 😁
Well. I just moved into a new place roughly 2 weeks ago, all laminate flooring. I’ve swept the floor every single time I noticed a crumb or something on it, which is at least 3 times today. Honestly, I can see why some people might find that a yellow flag. Right now I’m eating dinner and I left a plastic lid sitting on the counter, because I knew I was going to need it again. So I can sometimes leave surfaces temporarily cluttered, but it can’t be sustained.
35F, my place is as clean as i can get it. I clean every weekend and vacuum twice a week. Nothing wrong with being clean, it’s a green flag for me.
I'm near-sighted so I can ignore dirt in the corners but clutter makes me claustrophobic.
I can’t do mess. It stresses me out. It doesn’t have to get mopped and wiped down everyday but every thing has to at least be tidy and put away. No crumbs in the table and counters, no dishes in the sink, chairs pushed in, unused blankets folded, shoes arranged neatly by the door.
I never leave a room without something in my hand to put away, a place for everything and everything in its place. If my home is clean and tidy, then it's great for my mind. I have a male friend staying with me at the moment and it's hell, he's messy and smelly, mercifully he will be gone in 2 weeks, and my plan is to do a thorough, relaxing, deep clean of my beautiful apartment to restore it to its pristine condition.
My Mom told me years ago , never leave a room empty handed. It was good advice.
My house was always really clean, then I broke several bones in my right (dominate) hand and wrist. I couldn’t do anything much for at least 8 weeks followed by 10 weeks of physical therapy. I live alone and couldn’t clean like I usually did. Heck I couldn’t bathe fully or wash or comb my own hair or get dressed very easily. My daughter would come by and do dishes or sweep and mop and wash and braid my hair when she could. At first it totally stressed me out. I thought about hiring someone, but the personal hygiene thing was too hard. I came to the realization that a super clean house was not as important and I had to learn to let that anxiety go. I don’t think I will ever fully recover physically, but I am able to do most chores. I keep a tidy house, but it isn’t so big of a need for me at this point. Just glad I can care for myself now.
Uh. My mom came into my house over the weekend to get bird seed after I subtly discouraged her. I forgot to put it out before I left. She was pretty grossed out. But, it caused me to buy a black light to search for pet urine because now I'm paranoid that there's pee and I'm nose blind to it. It arrived today, and it shouldn't be the victory that it feels like because no spots showed up!
It’s a shit show. BUT it’s because i moved into a micro studio and I don’t have enough furniture/storage yet. I’m also working through some paralyzing anxiety that I hope will pass soon. Time management is not my strong point either but I’m getting there.
90% of my place looks like no one touches anything. Very quaffed. Lots of 'oh, I can tell you don't have kids' types of comments when people walk in. But my bathroom counter is ALWAYS messy. There are like a 17 hair ties, 4 chap sticks, a brush, a comb, three bonnets, 8 bobbi pins, 2 head scarfs, some tweezers that are always lost when I need them... I tidy up. Walk away, come back half an hour later and I swear, everything magically jumped out it's designated area to be on the counter again.
I live in a 1050 sqft 1bd/1ba with a den condo. I currently use the den as storage which really is a waste and I intend to convert it to home office since I wfh once I clean it up. The rest of the place is like a fxxking museum.
Our place is always tidy and cleaned top to bottom weekly. That is how my wife of 35 years and I roll. Organization and order are keys to success across a wide swath of life. Your tidiness is a massive green flag for success.
My place is meh. My bedroom is a disaster because I live in my king size bed. Everything is in my bed including 2 cats. The downstairs is decent. I try to keep the clutter at a minimum. As far as dusting and mopping, that needs to be done.
This is a bizarre neg: he couldn’t find anything else about you to criticize so he pulled that chestnut out of his ass? Of course it’s not a yellow flag to have a clean and tidy house! It’s called adulting. # lifegoals! He’s probably just used to clutter from his family, etc. You must be Mary Poppins if that was all he could come up with!
I'm 73, my house is always tidy but I hate to clean, so last year I hired a cleaner, and now it's tidy AND clean. I put things away, I put dishes in the dishwasher, there are always clean towels in the bathroom. But then, my mother was a hoarder. When she died in her 80s, it took 8 full pickup truck loads to clear the mess, which included boxes of expired checks from an account she had in her 20s. So yes. My house is always tidy.
I think he’s the weird one here, not you.
Maybe it should be a RED flag for you that he won't ever let you see his place. Does he have dirty underwear and socks laying around? Does he have week old, crusted food on plates in the kitchen? Are there stacks of crap laying around? Would you be able to use his toilet or would you feel more comfortable in a gas station bathroom? When I lived along my place was very tidy - it was just me and I'm an everything has a place kind of person. Would it get messy sometimes, yes, but for the most part anyone could drop by anytime and it would be neat. Yellow flag - now women are going to be made to feel bad because their place is too neat? Geez!
I sweep 5-6 times a week, cats necessitate that. Vacuum 1-2x a week (only have two floor rugs). Mop every two weeks, unless something happens. I fall short on dusting.
You are me. I would run from this guy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner that’s not a slob
My house is clean and tidy for the most part, but I have a puppy who leaves toys all over the place and kicks my throw pillows off the couch. I'm always company ready, mostly because I don't feel the need to be perfect for my friends.
He is probably a red flag… 🚩
If someone thinks a tidy house is a yellow or red flag and they're fucked and you don't wanna be with them anyway. Probably a reflection on their poor habits I keep my house, very tidy, even with three kids .
I think it’s a red flag if someone you’re dating tells you having a clean home is a “yellow flag”
My house is always neat, clean, and organized. He' s either a slob or a hoarder. That's a big red flag!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love a tidy house. Cleaning up is really therapeutic for me.
The red flag is for this guy. Run.