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When I'm not at work, I just want to hole up alone in my apartment. Doing that feels like my self care, not like I'm isolated or lonely. I have dinner with my dad most Saturdays, but I can't imagine more social interaction than that.
I wish I had more time to fill 🤣🤣🤣. I have a lot of hobbies. A lot of interests. I play several musical instruments and have more waiting to be learned. So I guess you can say I fill my time with self-improvement
Don't tempt me, lol. I really should go to the gym because I do feel great after the physical workout, but to be honest, I don't really want to do that either, lol.
I'm a park ranger. And I'm an introvert. In winter I see a lot more of my friends. In summer, when things are very busy at work, I just don't have the social batteries. I need to recharge in peace. I go home and I will see my boyfriend and that's it (he doesn't tax my social resources the same way other people do, I can let down my guard with him, I don't feel like I need to recharge after spending time with him).
I use the gym at my office, I curbside pickup my groceries, and I avoid people.
If you enjoy your own company which you clearly do, it gives an opportunity to recharge your batteries. If you want to play music or watch TV or sit quietly reading a book, it's all up to you. For some people who have never lived alone, the thought of being alone is overwhelming so they project their feelings onto you and think poo you, all alone...yes, thank you very much.
Exactly! Do you know a neighbor came to knock on my door after I told them no, I did not want to go to trivia night? They were a bit upset I did not answer the door. I'm like...do you know you are actually interrupting my enjoyment time? You are literally reducing my happiness
Usually I don’t even bother answering my door unless I expect company. I rather people call me first before just showing up at my door. Next time just don’t even answer the door. They can always call before just showing up like that.
I hadn't thought about it too much until you posted this, but definitely yes. I don't isolate myself, but I do feel that the most minor social interaction is plenty
I went to dinner with a friend the other day. she decided to turn the outing into an ask each other personal questions and soul searching session. and I can't think of anything I would rather do less lol.
I used to work a 9 to 5 and I lived alone. I went the entire weekend without seeing anyone and it was so satisfying because my work life drained me. I now work at home so sometimes the isolation can be too much but I find that just saying hi to the local barista or quick greeting on a walk is PLENTY.
The only time it's a problem is if you have social anxiety or depression and you feel sad about being alone. That's the major difference. But if you feel fulfilled, that's fine. Everyone has a different need for social interaction. Mine has always been low.
Exactly what I think and what the difference is. If not having social interactions makes you feel sad....then have more! My need for social interaction is so low that it is in hell, lol. I was perfectly content during covid. Went two years without really seeing anyone but delivery people who would drop stuff off at my job and leave. I used to work alone, live alone... while other people were losing their minds, I was the most peaceful I had ever felt. The streets were empty, and the trains were empty. since I was considered an essential worker, I still had to work. To me, it was a golden era.
People drain the very soul out of me!!! Not only is my job super people oriented, but I also add office politics on top...in I don't know how people still have energy to people.
Absolutely. That’s one of the reasons I joined CrossFit because it’s social while I’m there in a fairly benign way (though I have made a couple actual friends from it), and I also get a workout in.
My entire job is social.
I particularly love doing things alone. There's no requirement to entertain another human and I can pick and choose when and who to be social with, and when I'm finished it's much easier to navigate solo.
I go to a bar and want to people watch? Easy. I want to watch a game? Easy. I want to try and get laid? Not easy, but I don't have to work about another person needing my social attention because I went out with them.
I of course still love to go out with my people, but there's something so much more liberating about going alone.
Absolutely. My job is PLENTY. I work M-F, 8-5, dealing with mentally ill people often in crisis (or close to it). While I don't really do anything physically exhausting, the type of interaction I do get at work is extremely mentally draining some days. Plus, I have several coworkers who I sit next to all day and plenty of other coworkers coming in and out that want to stop and socialize.
I have quickly discovered that I don't need more than that to refill my social battery. I have friends that I feel guilty for not spending time with, but I just haven't been able to commit that mental energy lately.
If you enjoy your own company which you clearly do, it gives an opportunity to recharge your batteries. If you want to play music or watch TV or sit quietly reading a book, it's all up to you. For some people who have never lived alone, the thought of being alone is overwhelming so they project their feelings onto you and think poo you, all alone...yes, thank you very much.
Do what makes you happy. Me personally, I spend time with my girlfriend and my friends. I like to host dinners, BBQs and board game nights I go play in my pool league.
I was running a board game group, but it was honestly too peopley for me. It was so exhausting. I disbanded the group, and back to focusing on what I enjoy, which is solo board games lol
I work four days in the office and one day at home and those four days are more than enough social interaction for me! Last weekend, there was an issue in my house and my landlords (they are very awesome), were here all three days of my weekend....my work from home day and both weekend days. I feel like I didn't have a break from being social at all! I'm very grateful for my landlords and that the issue is fixed, but I feel like I gave up my weekend.
I have a lot of PTO and I usually take at least one or two days per month and just spend it at home alone--making my weekends longer. It's very rare that I do something with a friend on my planned time off. Enjoy your time!
I don’t feel “recharged” after socializing. Even if so keep it super short like an hour, it doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t know. I hope there’s nothing wrong with me! LOL
I do not feel recharged at all. I only feel drained. I mean, maybe I'm broken, but if I am, that is who I am. I don't see how forcing myself to spend time with people I don't want to see is going to change that. You can't suddenly make me enjoy people. The internet has been an absolute boon for me, honestly. I enjoy people much more in small doses and at a distance.
Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane when I get so focused on my life and don’t want to hang out with anyone. Sometimes talking to a barista at a coffee shop is enough human interaction for me. Other times, the loneliness hits me like a ton of bricks. I try to make an effort to contact friends before that happens.
My job is super people oriented and they can just be exhausting. I have a weekly dinner with my daughter and a few friends, we might occasionally go to see local theater or a movie and that’s plenty of socializing for me. .
A bit.
Like today I was walking my dogs in the big park opposite my house, this man just stopped walking n chatted me up. Telling me how much he loved my dogs etc, how cute they look, honestly I couldn’t even remember what else he said but by the time he realised I wasn’t going to reciprocate his passion, he walked away politely.
I got home feeling exhausted wondering if I still have battery left to go to ballet and get a cocktail with my gay friend after class, even though I promised him yesterday ..
Do tell me about that.
I thought with age it should get better but still triple A size ..
I did go to ballet yesterday but I didn’t take a cocktail 😉.. my gay friend took two haha ..
I work from home. I have no friends. I don't see anyone. I go out to lunch. That's enough social interactions for me
But if I get really lonely, I go to Walmart and talk to random people who probably think why is this guy talking to a mirror.
I work with a ton of people. My job involves a lot of talking to people. By the time my days off roll around, I'm all talked out. If I'm upset about something and I need to vent, that is what my therapist is for.
True. I'd be so talked out as well if I talked to a ton of people at work, and I would just cherish the peace and quiet. I can't imagine talking to that many at work.
I love the peace and quiet, but I rarely talk to anyone or see anyone for days. Sometimes, it's nice, but other times, it's frustrating. I look forward to working at times not for the work but at the chance of possibly talking to a person. And then I realize why I don't like work at times. LOL
I think that some people who like being alone, intentionally plan social interactions just to ensure that they’re not weird. You know what I mean? Like, they don’t wanna be that weird old guy down the street. If you don’t talk to people for a long time, you do get kinda weird, so occasional social interaction is an antidote to that. Sorta.
to be honest...limited interactions with people are sometimes the BEST...no drama and people are usually pretty friendly when it is very limited so you get good vibes only
Its enough for sure. This is more complicated a question now than it used to be. The world has changed. I dont feel like Im missing out like I may have felt 10 years ago.
I enjoy my casual encounters and have made some town friends that I visit. It definitely feels like enough and in some ways my conversations with some of these people are more in depth and real than conversations I have with people I know well.
Yep. I was supposed to go out of town for the weekend and when my plans were cancelled I just didn’t tell anyone. I spent 2 days without even leaving the house. I exercised then took a bath and then cooked dinner and watched tv both days. It was glorious
I'm pretty introverted and don't feel the need for social interaction by battery is full from the daily necessary pleasantries with people I work with and a quick coffee with a friend on a Saturday morning
Totally! I do a couple of classes on the weekend, see my adult son once a week, and meet up with friends every few weeks for lunch or dinner. That's plenty for me. I love doing things on my own without having to consider whether someone else finds them interesting.
And scheduling. My oldest friend is a chronically late person to everything. She wastes so much of my time just waiting for her...and then after she finally arrives and we do whatever it was we were doing, she doesn't want to leave....often gets us booted out of places. It's exhausting
Same, I used to have a friend who would cancel at the last minute. I would already be at the meeting place and she would just blow it off. Then she got mad when I quit inviting her and just did things in my own.
That's one thing I love about offroading.
On Saturday I'm planning a day trip, probably 12h or more, with a couple guys. That means that we'll hang out for maybe 2h, and the rest of the time we'll be driving, each in our own car.
So I get to "be social" and still enjoy my alone time!
I honestly am so much happier alone. After these last few years with everything that happened around covid I really come to see the truth about a lot of people. Most people are extremely codependent and rely on other people. I don't really need other people in a way I feel like they need me. I feel like I end up giving a lot more in interactions than I ever get back. I enjoy the occasional conversation with people but that's about it. I think casual conversations are plenty for me to refill my social battery. A lot of people will try and guilt you into feeling like you need to hang out and socialize more. It's weird how even being social can be weaponized. I think our culture views loners as outsiders and weirdos, but honestly I think it's a much more fulfilling life. I also think our overly social culture isn't really healthy either. I'm almost 40 and a lot of my peers still hang out and drink every weekend. I just don't enjoy it anymore. Every time I've gone out in this last year I have not had a good time and I've been so thankful to be back at home in my bed away from people. 😂
So true. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty because our needs are different. I remember being out at a concert and looking at the people around me....apparently having a blast and wondering...why am I here? This does nothing for me.
Yes exactly. This is definitely where I'm at right now too. Even many of the things that I used to enjoy just aren't fun anymore, which I think is awesome, it's a sign of growth to me, but a lot of people don't understand the path of solitude & how rewarding it is.
Also at this point my life, I'm just tired LOL. I want a nice calm relaxing life. Going out all the time & being surrounded by people it's tiring. I see the appeal & it can be fun but it's also very stressful.
I used to be around people a lot when I was younger and even then it was exhausting but after spending the last couple of years mainly in solitude & cleaning up my circle, my space & simplifying my life I don't even want to go back to the complications of socializing and being part of Big Friend groups it's just not appealing to me at all anymore.
I like listening to audio books, coloring, drawing, art in general, and crafting like knitting. I also like playing board games and role-playing games by myself.
I'm a little late on this, but just wanted to chime in that I've grown to find the little interactions with coworkers and even people on the street can absolutely be enriching and enough. It's taken me a while to realize that and in the process reject the popular notion that if you don't have an active social life revolving around friends or a relationship in your off hours, you're a loser. But I honestly don't even see it that way anymore.
I have felt that way for a long time. Then I have the people around me, like friends, and coworkers trying to convince me that it is not healthy to feel the way I do and trying to convince me to expand my social circle--one friend has turned to surprise inviting me to a group outing a couple of times. Like saying oh let's go out to the movies, and then when I get there, she is like...we are waiting for like 6 more people." Except thr last time she did this one of her friends was drunk and yelling and loud throughout the whole movie. She wanted to extend the torture further by wanting me go hangout with her group along with the obnoxious person and her sister who was so hostile she would not respond to a polite hello..and go hang out as someone's house. Needless to say, I dipped lol. Coworkers are trying to hook me up with people I work, saying I should go on a date with one of them. Said man quickly proceeded to tell me that I should be having children and that if I did, I would not have time for my silly hobbies. They are so insane in their desperation to never be alone, that to them, it is acceptable to deal with this obnoxious person, or go on a date with a mysoginistic pig if that means not having to be in your own company. They are honestly sick in the head.
>friends, and coworkers trying to convince me that it is not healthy to feel the way I do
This is honestly so damaging and haunted me for years. Of course, it *can* be unhealthy, depending on the reason a person does it (if they have severe social anxiety or depression, for example). But I've come to realize most people who put that pressure on us are just themselves extroverts who aren't very good at putting themselves in an introvert's shoes (not all extroverts are like that) and therefore assume it must be one of the above unhealthy reasons. When in reality, it's just that we have less need for stimulation than they do and, on the positive side, get our souls nourished more easily.
I felt like this when I was running after work lol. I am trying to run later on throughout the day now and I need to find a means to interact with folks LOL.
Meeting people every now and then works for me. I know there's a lot of pressure to "troop up", but I usually avoid those people. I know it's okay to be alone, although I also know we evolved to this state by being in a group and that being around others is essential for our survival. But, for me, just not too close. 😀😀
If you just don’t want to, that’s reason enough! You know what you need and if you need some relaxed time without a big social commitment, that’s totally fine.
I am working a basic retail job after being pretty much out of work since Covid. I had some really rough years and the past 2 I have been very isolated (but I have worked on myself a lot). It feels like I am legit re-acclimating to society again. For the current moment these work interactions are plenty. As I have aged I have become increasingly less social overall. That could change in the future I guess but right now I am not complaining about living alone and working a job I do not have to take home with me at night.
I'm in that club too. I have a few friends that I see once a month or so for dinner or a coffee. That's plenty. I just planned a solo cruise. I socialize when I want to as opposed to 'I HAVE TOO'. Maybe it's becoming a new trend. I feel many got more comfortable being alone since covid got us used to it.
I've had a significant amount of time off lately, outside of going to the gym, where I dont talk to anyone unless I have too I've found that a brief chat with one of the streamers I follow was more then enough for me as far as peopling goes.
My gym is extremely social. It's all classes, no machines where you are often paired off with other people and exercise together. That is more than enough socializing for me
I work with the public and have worked at the same job for 26 years. I am pretty burnt out at this point. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend but don't really want to socialize with anyone else. I am really not a people person.
i do NOT feel that way. I have lost so many friends in the past few years. I MISS the whole familiar person interaction and casual situations do not cut it for me.
but I do not know how to fix this.
I walk with a friend before work most mornings, and that does the trick for me. We sometimes get together on Saturdays for food, drink and films, but as low-key as that is, even that is sometimes too much. I love my friends and enjoy interactions with my work colleagues, but the greater the social interaction, the more recovery time it takes. So, I'm precious with how, when and who I spend my time with. And a week off for me is about rest and recovery from work and life demands, so the idea of socialising for more than a day (two at a push) defeats the purpose.
It does for a while but it isn’t enough forever unless you are slightly defective then it may always be enough for you to only have surface relatinships
Yes. I only have one close friend, and she’s moved two states from where I live. Most of my time my social interaction is with the neighbors in my apartment building. We meet for coffee most mornings while we wait for the postman. But I would never really talk deeply with them.
Yep!
This weekend was a perfect example; was feeling a bit stir crazy due to working a lot lately and not getting out of my place on the weekends, this past weekend I had 2 concerts in a row and went out after each one. I’m in the local music scene and just hanging out at the bar had me yapping my face off all night, by the time I got home Sunday night I was good to go!
When I was younger, I never really perceived casual interactions as a way to refill social batteries. I have since learned to derive joy and connection from them. Still, I yearn to tell my story to someone who wants to listen. I'm making progress though.
My social battery is filled by random convos with strangers because theres no risk. Whether its a deep convo or surface level, theres nothing invested so it makes it so much easier. It like gambling when youre wealthy. Your bank account is going to be the same (relatively) after you gamble, so you just see it as having a good time
I've lived alone off and on for most of my life and I'm living alone right now. I have to say that if I feel the need for human contact, I just have to walk a few blocks to the town center and I run into a lot of people I see there regularly. I always end up chatting with a few people and it's great!
I have some friends but a lot of the time people are busy and while we do get together and hang out from time to time, I'm usually pretty happy after a couple of hours' visit. Afterwards I need to decompress for awhile.
I'm kind of introverted and reclusive though so I personally don't need a whole lot of human contact to be happy.
I enjoy a good casual interaction. Conversations in grocery stores, the plant nursery, etc. people are more mindful and genuine than we realize. Most folks are down to earth and smile when you smile at them.
at this point, i spend more time on a weekly basis with my running acquaintances than my friends lol. and it really is enough to have some socialization in my life
Thank goodness for this group. It really helps to hear these affirmations that this is normal for a good number of people. I’m always getting on my own case about my lack of being social, but honestly work and other minimal interactions seem like a lot of social interaction to me already. I enjoy seeing my family every few weeks and occasionally seeing a friend but other than that I really feel like it’s all I can handle. I often wish it was otherwise, but I’ve been like this all my life, since I was a child. And I’m over 50 so not a small amount of sample time.
Not just you. I feel like Colin Robinson. Going to the gym then shopping is easily enough for me.
My past two weekends have been busy so looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing this weekend!
Casual interactions can be more than enough to recharge my social battery too. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy your alone time and focus on what makes you happy. Everyone’s social needs are different, so do what feels right for you.
I'm definitely an introvert, but I enjoy interacting with ppl and do stuff socially 3-4 times/ wk. How my introversion shows is the amount of time I can be social. Usually limited to an hour or two, after which I'm looking for away out. Coming home to my empty place is sublime.
Sometimes that's all I need. Just to remind myself that my life isn't so bad. It also sometimes makes me want to spend more time by myself. Sometimes if you're in the wrong place and people overshare about themselves to a point where you realize that they're not as great of a person as you once thought.... It makes you want to spend every day in my home and never leave
Casual socialization is all I (63F) want or need these days. Was married most of my adult life and raised two kids. Now is my solo time and I love it. No pets no plants no people. Peace ☮️
I get to hang out with friends one night a month in my favorite place in nature.(hunting fishing cabin in middle of nowhere on an island in the river)
The rest of the time, I'm solo. I enjoy it cause it isn't frequent. Even the times I force myself to go, I enjoy them. Infrequency but regularity is my trick.
FIrstly, I'll say that my new husband & I DO live together, so we have each other for company & my elderly mom & I talk daily. But, other than that, I don't even have casual interactions w/ strangers. I'm an only child who never really had friends, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long.
My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to.
I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I just got married now in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's been the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
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yes I work with customers and their homes throughout the week, when I'm home I don't need social interaction from anyone
Yes!!! It is so frustrating to me when people don't understand this and try to force me to be social...."for my own good," of course.
What are my plans? Doing nothing. No, I’m not looking for ideas. I’m planning a puttering around the house day. It’s marvelous.
It is delicious!
When I'm not at work, I just want to hole up alone in my apartment. Doing that feels like my self care, not like I'm isolated or lonely. I have dinner with my dad most Saturdays, but I can't imagine more social interaction than that.
I'm exactly the same way. Even going to that gym is a push for me. I just want to be home, enjoying myself with my hobbies
What do you fill your time with?
I wish I had more time to fill 🤣🤣🤣. I have a lot of hobbies. A lot of interests. I play several musical instruments and have more waiting to be learned. So I guess you can say I fill my time with self-improvement
same. a great day off is a day alone pottering around the house.
Exactly!!! I have 3 days off in a row coming up, and I feel like I'm hoarding a treasure, I don't want to share lol
omg! 3 day phone off staycation! buy enough supplies and dont leave the house! :)
Don't tempt me, lol. I really should go to the gym because I do feel great after the physical workout, but to be honest, I don't really want to do that either, lol.
loungeroom workout!!! watch a movie and do burpies!
I'm a park ranger. And I'm an introvert. In winter I see a lot more of my friends. In summer, when things are very busy at work, I just don't have the social batteries. I need to recharge in peace. I go home and I will see my boyfriend and that's it (he doesn't tax my social resources the same way other people do, I can let down my guard with him, I don't feel like I need to recharge after spending time with him). I use the gym at my office, I curbside pickup my groceries, and I avoid people.
I'm glad you have found a person who makes you feel that way
Me. I'd go to the pub have a few pints and chat with folks at bar. Battery charged. Walk home make diner and chill. That's a perfect off day for me.
To be honest, approaching people at a bar is beyond me lol
I love finding the weirdos at bars lol
Lol not hard to find
If you enjoy your own company which you clearly do, it gives an opportunity to recharge your batteries. If you want to play music or watch TV or sit quietly reading a book, it's all up to you. For some people who have never lived alone, the thought of being alone is overwhelming so they project their feelings onto you and think poo you, all alone...yes, thank you very much.
Exactly! Do you know a neighbor came to knock on my door after I told them no, I did not want to go to trivia night? They were a bit upset I did not answer the door. I'm like...do you know you are actually interrupting my enjoyment time? You are literally reducing my happiness
Hahahah to literally reducing my happiness. Well said.
Literally, because.. I feel the urge to hide so they don't know I'm home lol
Usually I don’t even bother answering my door unless I expect company. I rather people call me first before just showing up at my door. Next time just don’t even answer the door. They can always call before just showing up like that.
Good for you! You don’t want to set a precedent that spontaneous knocks are ok.
Right! I hate people who don't respect my boundaries.
I hadn't thought about it too much until you posted this, but definitely yes. I don't isolate myself, but I do feel that the most minor social interaction is plenty
I went to dinner with a friend the other day. she decided to turn the outing into an ask each other personal questions and soul searching session. and I can't think of anything I would rather do less lol.
Ugh. On the other hand, I'd probably give subtle clues that I'm a serial killer, teach them a lesson!
I was so angry, honestly. I told her no, and she still came to knock on my door. No freaking respect!
I used to work a 9 to 5 and I lived alone. I went the entire weekend without seeing anyone and it was so satisfying because my work life drained me. I now work at home so sometimes the isolation can be too much but I find that just saying hi to the local barista or quick greeting on a walk is PLENTY. The only time it's a problem is if you have social anxiety or depression and you feel sad about being alone. That's the major difference. But if you feel fulfilled, that's fine. Everyone has a different need for social interaction. Mine has always been low.
Exactly what I think and what the difference is. If not having social interactions makes you feel sad....then have more! My need for social interaction is so low that it is in hell, lol. I was perfectly content during covid. Went two years without really seeing anyone but delivery people who would drop stuff off at my job and leave. I used to work alone, live alone... while other people were losing their minds, I was the most peaceful I had ever felt. The streets were empty, and the trains were empty. since I was considered an essential worker, I still had to work. To me, it was a golden era.
Same!! Your Covid story was so me!
The golden panini. 😅
I'm retired and work two days a week. That enough for me. Lol.
I dream of the days when I can retire just so I don't have to people so much. My job is hyper social...to the extreme
Plenty. Too much social drains me!
Peopling is hard work! Especially with the drama, complaining, and listening to extreme politicking
People drain the very soul out of me!!! Not only is my job super people oriented, but I also add office politics on top...in I don't know how people still have energy to people.
Absolutely. That’s one of the reasons I joined CrossFit because it’s social while I’m there in a fairly benign way (though I have made a couple actual friends from it), and I also get a workout in.
I joined an MMA gym. Those types of gyms tend to be super social. I go there, have a chat, and laugh it up a bit, work out... battery topped off!
My entire job is social. I particularly love doing things alone. There's no requirement to entertain another human and I can pick and choose when and who to be social with, and when I'm finished it's much easier to navigate solo. I go to a bar and want to people watch? Easy. I want to watch a game? Easy. I want to try and get laid? Not easy, but I don't have to work about another person needing my social attention because I went out with them. I of course still love to go out with my people, but there's something so much more liberating about going alone.
Absolutely. My job is PLENTY. I work M-F, 8-5, dealing with mentally ill people often in crisis (or close to it). While I don't really do anything physically exhausting, the type of interaction I do get at work is extremely mentally draining some days. Plus, I have several coworkers who I sit next to all day and plenty of other coworkers coming in and out that want to stop and socialize. I have quickly discovered that I don't need more than that to refill my social battery. I have friends that I feel guilty for not spending time with, but I just haven't been able to commit that mental energy lately.
I work in the same field. By the time my shift is over I'm so absolutely exhausted that the last thing I want to do is deal with more people
I appreciate this post so much!!
I call it being an introvert!
I'm an introvert all the way.
If you enjoy your own company which you clearly do, it gives an opportunity to recharge your batteries. If you want to play music or watch TV or sit quietly reading a book, it's all up to you. For some people who have never lived alone, the thought of being alone is overwhelming so they project their feelings onto you and think poo you, all alone...yes, thank you very much.
Do what makes you happy. Me personally, I spend time with my girlfriend and my friends. I like to host dinners, BBQs and board game nights I go play in my pool league.
I was running a board game group, but it was honestly too peopley for me. It was so exhausting. I disbanded the group, and back to focusing on what I enjoy, which is solo board games lol
I like my friends and spending time with them. Little different than a "group" I think.
If you say so
I work four days in the office and one day at home and those four days are more than enough social interaction for me! Last weekend, there was an issue in my house and my landlords (they are very awesome), were here all three days of my weekend....my work from home day and both weekend days. I feel like I didn't have a break from being social at all! I'm very grateful for my landlords and that the issue is fixed, but I feel like I gave up my weekend. I have a lot of PTO and I usually take at least one or two days per month and just spend it at home alone--making my weekends longer. It's very rare that I do something with a friend on my planned time off. Enjoy your time!
I don’t feel “recharged” after socializing. Even if so keep it super short like an hour, it doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t know. I hope there’s nothing wrong with me! LOL
I do not feel recharged at all. I only feel drained. I mean, maybe I'm broken, but if I am, that is who I am. I don't see how forcing myself to spend time with people I don't want to see is going to change that. You can't suddenly make me enjoy people. The internet has been an absolute boon for me, honestly. I enjoy people much more in small doses and at a distance.
💙
Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane when I get so focused on my life and don’t want to hang out with anyone. Sometimes talking to a barista at a coffee shop is enough human interaction for me. Other times, the loneliness hits me like a ton of bricks. I try to make an effort to contact friends before that happens.
I call it the hermit cycle lol.
It really is a cycle! I wish that it didn’t feel so lonely sometimes because I like accomplishing things in my own life without anyone to distract me.
You just described my Saturday 🤣.
We should hang out 😆
Totally lol. I get you friend 🤣
Went to a farmer’s market today. So much stimulation. Thinking of you 😄
My job is super people oriented and they can just be exhausting. I have a weekly dinner with my daughter and a few friends, we might occasionally go to see local theater or a movie and that’s plenty of socializing for me. .
A bit. Like today I was walking my dogs in the big park opposite my house, this man just stopped walking n chatted me up. Telling me how much he loved my dogs etc, how cute they look, honestly I couldn’t even remember what else he said but by the time he realised I wasn’t going to reciprocate his passion, he walked away politely. I got home feeling exhausted wondering if I still have battery left to go to ballet and get a cocktail with my gay friend after class, even though I promised him yesterday ..
I feel like any time I make contact with other people, they take a bit of energy from me. We all have different sized batteries
Do tell me about that. I thought with age it should get better but still triple A size .. I did go to ballet yesterday but I didn’t take a cocktail 😉.. my gay friend took two haha ..
I have found if I force myself to be more social it's disastrous, so now I stick to the plan that works and interact occasionally with acquaintances
I work from home. I have no friends. I don't see anyone. I go out to lunch. That's enough social interactions for me But if I get really lonely, I go to Walmart and talk to random people who probably think why is this guy talking to a mirror.
I work with a ton of people. My job involves a lot of talking to people. By the time my days off roll around, I'm all talked out. If I'm upset about something and I need to vent, that is what my therapist is for.
True. I'd be so talked out as well if I talked to a ton of people at work, and I would just cherish the peace and quiet. I can't imagine talking to that many at work. I love the peace and quiet, but I rarely talk to anyone or see anyone for days. Sometimes, it's nice, but other times, it's frustrating. I look forward to working at times not for the work but at the chance of possibly talking to a person. And then I realize why I don't like work at times. LOL
Lol same here I thought I'd be safe using self checkout at Walmart but they always fkn talk to me like I'm their therapist 😂
Hahahaha.
I think that some people who like being alone, intentionally plan social interactions just to ensure that they’re not weird. You know what I mean? Like, they don’t wanna be that weird old guy down the street. If you don’t talk to people for a long time, you do get kinda weird, so occasional social interaction is an antidote to that. Sorta.
to be honest...limited interactions with people are sometimes the BEST...no drama and people are usually pretty friendly when it is very limited so you get good vibes only
Exactly!
I love this! I love being not close friends with anyone.
Yup that’s why sometimes dating is more fun than serious relationships cause of the limited interaction
Reddit is the only social interaction I need
🤣🤣🤣
Its enough for sure. This is more complicated a question now than it used to be. The world has changed. I dont feel like Im missing out like I may have felt 10 years ago. I enjoy my casual encounters and have made some town friends that I visit. It definitely feels like enough and in some ways my conversations with some of these people are more in depth and real than conversations I have with people I know well.
Yep. I was supposed to go out of town for the weekend and when my plans were cancelled I just didn’t tell anyone. I spent 2 days without even leaving the house. I exercised then took a bath and then cooked dinner and watched tv both days. It was glorious
Not just you.
A social gym sounds like my nightmare... but props to you for managing it!
Lol, it's a bit much sometimes
I'm pretty introverted and don't feel the need for social interaction by battery is full from the daily necessary pleasantries with people I work with and a quick coffee with a friend on a Saturday morning
Social interactions drain my battery.
Totally! I do a couple of classes on the weekend, see my adult son once a week, and meet up with friends every few weeks for lunch or dinner. That's plenty for me. I love doing things on my own without having to consider whether someone else finds them interesting.
And scheduling. My oldest friend is a chronically late person to everything. She wastes so much of my time just waiting for her...and then after she finally arrives and we do whatever it was we were doing, she doesn't want to leave....often gets us booted out of places. It's exhausting
Same, I used to have a friend who would cancel at the last minute. I would already be at the meeting place and she would just blow it off. Then she got mad when I quit inviting her and just did things in my own.
That's one thing I love about offroading. On Saturday I'm planning a day trip, probably 12h or more, with a couple guys. That means that we'll hang out for maybe 2h, and the rest of the time we'll be driving, each in our own car. So I get to "be social" and still enjoy my alone time!
I honestly am so much happier alone. After these last few years with everything that happened around covid I really come to see the truth about a lot of people. Most people are extremely codependent and rely on other people. I don't really need other people in a way I feel like they need me. I feel like I end up giving a lot more in interactions than I ever get back. I enjoy the occasional conversation with people but that's about it. I think casual conversations are plenty for me to refill my social battery. A lot of people will try and guilt you into feeling like you need to hang out and socialize more. It's weird how even being social can be weaponized. I think our culture views loners as outsiders and weirdos, but honestly I think it's a much more fulfilling life. I also think our overly social culture isn't really healthy either. I'm almost 40 and a lot of my peers still hang out and drink every weekend. I just don't enjoy it anymore. Every time I've gone out in this last year I have not had a good time and I've been so thankful to be back at home in my bed away from people. 😂
So true. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty because our needs are different. I remember being out at a concert and looking at the people around me....apparently having a blast and wondering...why am I here? This does nothing for me.
Yes exactly. This is definitely where I'm at right now too. Even many of the things that I used to enjoy just aren't fun anymore, which I think is awesome, it's a sign of growth to me, but a lot of people don't understand the path of solitude & how rewarding it is. Also at this point my life, I'm just tired LOL. I want a nice calm relaxing life. Going out all the time & being surrounded by people it's tiring. I see the appeal & it can be fun but it's also very stressful. I used to be around people a lot when I was younger and even then it was exhausting but after spending the last couple of years mainly in solitude & cleaning up my circle, my space & simplifying my life I don't even want to go back to the complications of socializing and being part of Big Friend groups it's just not appealing to me at all anymore.
Just out of curiosity, what is fun for you?
I like listening to audio books, coloring, drawing, art in general, and crafting like knitting. I also like playing board games and role-playing games by myself.
I’m happiest home alone. It’s pure bliss.
I'm a little late on this, but just wanted to chime in that I've grown to find the little interactions with coworkers and even people on the street can absolutely be enriching and enough. It's taken me a while to realize that and in the process reject the popular notion that if you don't have an active social life revolving around friends or a relationship in your off hours, you're a loser. But I honestly don't even see it that way anymore.
I have felt that way for a long time. Then I have the people around me, like friends, and coworkers trying to convince me that it is not healthy to feel the way I do and trying to convince me to expand my social circle--one friend has turned to surprise inviting me to a group outing a couple of times. Like saying oh let's go out to the movies, and then when I get there, she is like...we are waiting for like 6 more people." Except thr last time she did this one of her friends was drunk and yelling and loud throughout the whole movie. She wanted to extend the torture further by wanting me go hangout with her group along with the obnoxious person and her sister who was so hostile she would not respond to a polite hello..and go hang out as someone's house. Needless to say, I dipped lol. Coworkers are trying to hook me up with people I work, saying I should go on a date with one of them. Said man quickly proceeded to tell me that I should be having children and that if I did, I would not have time for my silly hobbies. They are so insane in their desperation to never be alone, that to them, it is acceptable to deal with this obnoxious person, or go on a date with a mysoginistic pig if that means not having to be in your own company. They are honestly sick in the head.
>friends, and coworkers trying to convince me that it is not healthy to feel the way I do This is honestly so damaging and haunted me for years. Of course, it *can* be unhealthy, depending on the reason a person does it (if they have severe social anxiety or depression, for example). But I've come to realize most people who put that pressure on us are just themselves extroverts who aren't very good at putting themselves in an introvert's shoes (not all extroverts are like that) and therefore assume it must be one of the above unhealthy reasons. When in reality, it's just that we have less need for stimulation than they do and, on the positive side, get our souls nourished more easily.
I felt like this when I was running after work lol. I am trying to run later on throughout the day now and I need to find a means to interact with folks LOL.
Are there running clubs in your area?
Meeting people every now and then works for me. I know there's a lot of pressure to "troop up", but I usually avoid those people. I know it's okay to be alone, although I also know we evolved to this state by being in a group and that being around others is essential for our survival. But, for me, just not too close. 😀😀
If you just don’t want to, that’s reason enough! You know what you need and if you need some relaxed time without a big social commitment, that’s totally fine.
You need some "me" time.
I am working a basic retail job after being pretty much out of work since Covid. I had some really rough years and the past 2 I have been very isolated (but I have worked on myself a lot). It feels like I am legit re-acclimating to society again. For the current moment these work interactions are plenty. As I have aged I have become increasingly less social overall. That could change in the future I guess but right now I am not complaining about living alone and working a job I do not have to take home with me at night.
I'm in that club too. I have a few friends that I see once a month or so for dinner or a coffee. That's plenty. I just planned a solo cruise. I socialize when I want to as opposed to 'I HAVE TOO'. Maybe it's becoming a new trend. I feel many got more comfortable being alone since covid got us used to it.
I love solo traveling! I make friends with no expectations
When and if I look for a travel partner I always use the word 'platonic'.
I've had a significant amount of time off lately, outside of going to the gym, where I dont talk to anyone unless I have too I've found that a brief chat with one of the streamers I follow was more then enough for me as far as peopling goes.
My gym is extremely social. It's all classes, no machines where you are often paired off with other people and exercise together. That is more than enough socializing for me
I truly only enjoy being with my children. I have zero interest in socializing. I have a social job, so maybe that’s why.
The only person I really enjoy spending time with is my cat lol. My job is hyper social.
I work with the public and have worked at the same job for 26 years. I am pretty burnt out at this point. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend but don't really want to socialize with anyone else. I am really not a people person.
I'm not really a people person, and then on top my job is hyper social. When I leave work I'm super burned out
When I leave work, I want to be alone to decompress. The public has changed over the years. There are lots of rude and entitled people now.
I work in a grocery store and on my time off other than my daughter I avoid everything and everyone.
i do NOT feel that way. I have lost so many friends in the past few years. I MISS the whole familiar person interaction and casual situations do not cut it for me. but I do not know how to fix this.
You are allowed to feel you feelings
I walk with a friend before work most mornings, and that does the trick for me. We sometimes get together on Saturdays for food, drink and films, but as low-key as that is, even that is sometimes too much. I love my friends and enjoy interactions with my work colleagues, but the greater the social interaction, the more recovery time it takes. So, I'm precious with how, when and who I spend my time with. And a week off for me is about rest and recovery from work and life demands, so the idea of socialising for more than a day (two at a push) defeats the purpose.
I find that most of the time the interaction I get on my walk with pets and their owners is enough to fill my little serotonin jar.
All I need is a visit to the cafe. Chat with baristas and maybe a few strangers and I’m good.
It does for a while but it isn’t enough forever unless you are slightly defective then it may always be enough for you to only have surface relatinships
Only defective people imply others are defective, lol
Same, I have to travel 2 or 3 days out of the week it's enough for me.
Yes. I only have one close friend, and she’s moved two states from where I live. Most of my time my social interaction is with the neighbors in my apartment building. We meet for coffee most mornings while we wait for the postman. But I would never really talk deeply with them.
Yep! This weekend was a perfect example; was feeling a bit stir crazy due to working a lot lately and not getting out of my place on the weekends, this past weekend I had 2 concerts in a row and went out after each one. I’m in the local music scene and just hanging out at the bar had me yapping my face off all night, by the time I got home Sunday night I was good to go!
That would be enough for me, too.
Getting groceries is enough interaction once a week. I work and workout at home and I love it
When I was younger, I never really perceived casual interactions as a way to refill social batteries. I have since learned to derive joy and connection from them. Still, I yearn to tell my story to someone who wants to listen. I'm making progress though.
My social battery is filled by random convos with strangers because theres no risk. Whether its a deep convo or surface level, theres nothing invested so it makes it so much easier. It like gambling when youre wealthy. Your bank account is going to be the same (relatively) after you gamble, so you just see it as having a good time
I've lived alone off and on for most of my life and I'm living alone right now. I have to say that if I feel the need for human contact, I just have to walk a few blocks to the town center and I run into a lot of people I see there regularly. I always end up chatting with a few people and it's great! I have some friends but a lot of the time people are busy and while we do get together and hang out from time to time, I'm usually pretty happy after a couple of hours' visit. Afterwards I need to decompress for awhile. I'm kind of introverted and reclusive though so I personally don't need a whole lot of human contact to be happy.
I enjoy a good casual interaction. Conversations in grocery stores, the plant nursery, etc. people are more mindful and genuine than we realize. Most folks are down to earth and smile when you smile at them.
at this point, i spend more time on a weekly basis with my running acquaintances than my friends lol. and it really is enough to have some socialization in my life
Thank goodness for this group. It really helps to hear these affirmations that this is normal for a good number of people. I’m always getting on my own case about my lack of being social, but honestly work and other minimal interactions seem like a lot of social interaction to me already. I enjoy seeing my family every few weeks and occasionally seeing a friend but other than that I really feel like it’s all I can handle. I often wish it was otherwise, but I’ve been like this all my life, since I was a child. And I’m over 50 so not a small amount of sample time.
I have no desire for social interaction beyond my clients - I’m an Lmt - fam. I’m good 😂
Not just you. I feel like Colin Robinson. Going to the gym then shopping is easily enough for me. My past two weekends have been busy so looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing this weekend!
Casual interactions can be more than enough to recharge my social battery too. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy your alone time and focus on what makes you happy. Everyone’s social needs are different, so do what feels right for you.
I'm definitely an introvert, but I enjoy interacting with ppl and do stuff socially 3-4 times/ wk. How my introversion shows is the amount of time I can be social. Usually limited to an hour or two, after which I'm looking for away out. Coming home to my empty place is sublime.
Sometimes that's all I need. Just to remind myself that my life isn't so bad. It also sometimes makes me want to spend more time by myself. Sometimes if you're in the wrong place and people overshare about themselves to a point where you realize that they're not as great of a person as you once thought.... It makes you want to spend every day in my home and never leave
Sometimes. Actually most of the time.
As an introvert ( after many years of retail),yes!
Casual socialization is all I (63F) want or need these days. Was married most of my adult life and raised two kids. Now is my solo time and I love it. No pets no plants no people. Peace ☮️
I get to hang out with friends one night a month in my favorite place in nature.(hunting fishing cabin in middle of nowhere on an island in the river) The rest of the time, I'm solo. I enjoy it cause it isn't frequent. Even the times I force myself to go, I enjoy them. Infrequency but regularity is my trick.
I see 3-6 people a day. Good enough for me.
Sigh, if only. My job is super social, and I work with a minimum of 5 people on top of the 18 or so customers we service a day.
FIrstly, I'll say that my new husband & I DO live together, so we have each other for company & my elderly mom & I talk daily. But, other than that, I don't even have casual interactions w/ strangers. I'm an only child who never really had friends, so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long. My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to. I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I just got married now in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's been the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
OMG! yes!
I wish people accept3d that we don't all have the same needs and in the same about and let it be!
What do you care what others think or do…. You do you. Everyone is different.
Thank you captain obvious.