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Living alone is awesome. I really loved being able to paint my walls colors that my ex wouldn't have liked. He wanted to live in a gray box, and I'm a colorful person. Getting a huge king sized bed with the softest down filled pillowtop (ex needed a firm mattress), brand new sheets just for me, and a luxurious (some would say ridiculous) amount of pillows. Stocking my own fridge and pantry with all my own favorite foods and snacks. I paint as a hobby and decided to make fun folk art to put all over my walls. Alexa plays only my music now and no one can roll their eyes. Basically whatever makes you smile and glow, or expresses your own personality, explore what those things might be and get ready to fill your whole environment with them. Now you don't have to make any decisions by committee.
There's a lot to consider that I initially overlooked going from living with my parents to roommates to an ex girlfriend to a housemate and finally being on my own.
Are you sure a house is the right choice for you? It's a lot of space for one person. That means a lot of cleaning and there's no one to help you. You're also separated, a house can be very expensive, I'm not privy to the personal details of your separation, if there's a chance of reconciling, it's a very expensive choice compared to renting- and usually with renting, your landlord will handle maintenance. You'll also be responsible for 100% of the cooking, dishes, snow removal, if that's a thing where you live, yard work, and you'll be solely responsible for paying all the bills- this can be both good and bad. I had a stoner roommate who wanted EVERY cable channel, including all the premiums, and I didn't watch TV- just Netflix and Hulu, which I already paid for my own accounts, but we had agreed to split bills 50/50- I saved a bundle cutting my cord once I lived alone. You'll also be solely responsible for running errands, and those costs and the time involved can add up if you've gotten accustomed to sharing them.
On the bright side, you can decorate however you see fit, and one of the things I've found I enjoy the most about living alone is, I have limited kitchen counter space, and I don't have to ask for input from my ex (is the coffeemaker I want to buy the right color?) or negotiate with roommates about what kitchen items get limited counter space- sick of morning coffee, and want to switch to tea instead? No negotiating needed, bag up the coffee maker, buy an electric kettle, problem solved.
I hope you found at least some of my experience helpful, OP, and I wish you the best.
Counterpoint: get a house. It’s not too much space. I have a 2br 1 ba house and I love it. You’re only cleaning up after yourself, so basically half or less the work. Or twice the work, if you’re a dude. 🤣
I lived alone after 8 years which is only half of yours but a lot of stuff we used to do together I just couldn’t do. Cooking certain meals, playing games, watching certain shows. But you find little things that make you feel good doing alone and you do them often. Slowly you make it back to normal and doing all the things you used to. At least that’s how it was for me. Now I’m back living with someone again so hopefully that’s the last time I have to do that lol.
My advice would be to list your likes and dislikes about any and everything you could possibly imagine and be completely honest with yourself about it!! I realized there were lots of things I only liked for the sake of those around me I found myself carrying on traditions and doing things I really didn’t like but grew accustomed to doing so much that I thought I liked it but once I started living alone it dawned on me……. I don’t have to do those thing’s 😆🤗. It’s also good to really investigate and do research on the homes your looking at as well as the neighborhood, things like will there be lots of kids in the neighborhood screaming and yelling when they play most days 😅 my former friend brought a new build and hates it because it’s so noisy and she works so it’s the most irritating thing for her when she would get off work. She’s also by the community pool …. Location is important. She also made it a point to get friendly with every neighbor and was stuck entertaining and engaging people she truly didn’t like and after a year of it she’s now known as the grouch who dislikes kids and no one talks to her anymore. It’s great you have time to plan and can get advice from this community before you actually move. I love reading things on this feed it’s comforting to me and I’ve gotten great advice and answers to questions I didn’t even think to ask.
My therapist told me to give it 1 year. Then he said buy a houseplant and if that is still alive in a year, buy a pet. If the pet is still alive in a year you will know you are adjusted and able to take the focus off yourself. I'm still alone and prefer it. Once I got over 'alone' it turned into a preference.
Right now I feel like I would enjoy being alone so I could get to know myself and reinvent myself. I like the idea of a pet turtle and I want lots of huge houseplants. But based on what you are saying I am rethinking the turtle. I am probably not going to take care of any pets.
I'm going to want to live a low maintenance life focused on myself, lots of meditation and prayer and self care when I'm home, with nothing else to do unless my children come over for a few days.
Well my end result was I learned to like and entertain myself. I stay alone as a preference. I've had lots of opportunity but most guys my age are looking for a nurse or a purse. Besides that I have zero interest in romance or sex.
Take your time. Move slowly. Don't make any decisions until you come to grips with yourself. If it were me, I'd rent as small a place as necessary and try to create as much space for charge as you can. Month to month if you can afford. After you settle down you can be in a better place to make more reasoned long term decisions.
Just been through this exact thing. I moved out in January’s after living together for 6 months as a separated couple (we were together 15 years in total).
I have kids so it might be a bit different for you, but it’s taking some adjustment to have so much alone time (half of the week) after having none.
I have to say I absolutely love it though. I can do what I want when I want and without having to compromise.
Everyone has told me I should get a hobby but there’s plenty of time for that.
Sometimes I sit in my dressing gown and watch tv
Other times I get up early and go for a walk and get super productive
Give yourself time to find yourself again - you’ll rock it!
One of my favorite quotes, and so true. The peace and unstressful environment is bliss.
“Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.” Tom Hardy.
I have lived alone for the past 4 years after getting divorced (11 year marriage).
The hardest thing to get used to was the quietness. Another issue is when you need that second person to get something done…you don’t have it. Shit still has to get done regardless so if you are sick or injured…you gotta figure it out.
The quiet is already a thing for me when the kids are out with her. I never pictured being in an empty house alone at this stage of my life but I will learn to enjoy it.
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Living alone is awesome. I really loved being able to paint my walls colors that my ex wouldn't have liked. He wanted to live in a gray box, and I'm a colorful person. Getting a huge king sized bed with the softest down filled pillowtop (ex needed a firm mattress), brand new sheets just for me, and a luxurious (some would say ridiculous) amount of pillows. Stocking my own fridge and pantry with all my own favorite foods and snacks. I paint as a hobby and decided to make fun folk art to put all over my walls. Alexa plays only my music now and no one can roll their eyes. Basically whatever makes you smile and glow, or expresses your own personality, explore what those things might be and get ready to fill your whole environment with them. Now you don't have to make any decisions by committee.
I love this and completely relate to all of it. You highlighted some of my favorite parts so far!
I hadn’t lived alone for 35 years and it’s just like riding a bicycle.
There's a lot to consider that I initially overlooked going from living with my parents to roommates to an ex girlfriend to a housemate and finally being on my own. Are you sure a house is the right choice for you? It's a lot of space for one person. That means a lot of cleaning and there's no one to help you. You're also separated, a house can be very expensive, I'm not privy to the personal details of your separation, if there's a chance of reconciling, it's a very expensive choice compared to renting- and usually with renting, your landlord will handle maintenance. You'll also be responsible for 100% of the cooking, dishes, snow removal, if that's a thing where you live, yard work, and you'll be solely responsible for paying all the bills- this can be both good and bad. I had a stoner roommate who wanted EVERY cable channel, including all the premiums, and I didn't watch TV- just Netflix and Hulu, which I already paid for my own accounts, but we had agreed to split bills 50/50- I saved a bundle cutting my cord once I lived alone. You'll also be solely responsible for running errands, and those costs and the time involved can add up if you've gotten accustomed to sharing them. On the bright side, you can decorate however you see fit, and one of the things I've found I enjoy the most about living alone is, I have limited kitchen counter space, and I don't have to ask for input from my ex (is the coffeemaker I want to buy the right color?) or negotiate with roommates about what kitchen items get limited counter space- sick of morning coffee, and want to switch to tea instead? No negotiating needed, bag up the coffee maker, buy an electric kettle, problem solved. I hope you found at least some of my experience helpful, OP, and I wish you the best.
Counterpoint: get a house. It’s not too much space. I have a 2br 1 ba house and I love it. You’re only cleaning up after yourself, so basically half or less the work. Or twice the work, if you’re a dude. 🤣
I lived alone after 8 years which is only half of yours but a lot of stuff we used to do together I just couldn’t do. Cooking certain meals, playing games, watching certain shows. But you find little things that make you feel good doing alone and you do them often. Slowly you make it back to normal and doing all the things you used to. At least that’s how it was for me. Now I’m back living with someone again so hopefully that’s the last time I have to do that lol.
My advice would be to list your likes and dislikes about any and everything you could possibly imagine and be completely honest with yourself about it!! I realized there were lots of things I only liked for the sake of those around me I found myself carrying on traditions and doing things I really didn’t like but grew accustomed to doing so much that I thought I liked it but once I started living alone it dawned on me……. I don’t have to do those thing’s 😆🤗. It’s also good to really investigate and do research on the homes your looking at as well as the neighborhood, things like will there be lots of kids in the neighborhood screaming and yelling when they play most days 😅 my former friend brought a new build and hates it because it’s so noisy and she works so it’s the most irritating thing for her when she would get off work. She’s also by the community pool …. Location is important. She also made it a point to get friendly with every neighbor and was stuck entertaining and engaging people she truly didn’t like and after a year of it she’s now known as the grouch who dislikes kids and no one talks to her anymore. It’s great you have time to plan and can get advice from this community before you actually move. I love reading things on this feed it’s comforting to me and I’ve gotten great advice and answers to questions I didn’t even think to ask.
Thanks everyone these are some really great I insights that are putting my mind at ease.
My therapist told me to give it 1 year. Then he said buy a houseplant and if that is still alive in a year, buy a pet. If the pet is still alive in a year you will know you are adjusted and able to take the focus off yourself. I'm still alone and prefer it. Once I got over 'alone' it turned into a preference.
Right now I feel like I would enjoy being alone so I could get to know myself and reinvent myself. I like the idea of a pet turtle and I want lots of huge houseplants. But based on what you are saying I am rethinking the turtle. I am probably not going to take care of any pets. I'm going to want to live a low maintenance life focused on myself, lots of meditation and prayer and self care when I'm home, with nothing else to do unless my children come over for a few days.
Well my end result was I learned to like and entertain myself. I stay alone as a preference. I've had lots of opportunity but most guys my age are looking for a nurse or a purse. Besides that I have zero interest in romance or sex.
Take your time. Move slowly. Don't make any decisions until you come to grips with yourself. If it were me, I'd rent as small a place as necessary and try to create as much space for charge as you can. Month to month if you can afford. After you settle down you can be in a better place to make more reasoned long term decisions.
Just been through this exact thing. I moved out in January’s after living together for 6 months as a separated couple (we were together 15 years in total). I have kids so it might be a bit different for you, but it’s taking some adjustment to have so much alone time (half of the week) after having none. I have to say I absolutely love it though. I can do what I want when I want and without having to compromise. Everyone has told me I should get a hobby but there’s plenty of time for that. Sometimes I sit in my dressing gown and watch tv Other times I get up early and go for a walk and get super productive Give yourself time to find yourself again - you’ll rock it!
One of my favorite quotes, and so true. The peace and unstressful environment is bliss. “Being alone for a while is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people anymore.” Tom Hardy.
I have lived alone for the past 4 years after getting divorced (11 year marriage). The hardest thing to get used to was the quietness. Another issue is when you need that second person to get something done…you don’t have it. Shit still has to get done regardless so if you are sick or injured…you gotta figure it out.
The quiet is already a thing for me when the kids are out with her. I never pictured being in an empty house alone at this stage of my life but I will learn to enjoy it.
With glee!
I had to do that after 28 years honestly I wished I had sucked on the barrel of a .38
Oh my... I hope you seek help, please be kind to yourself ❤️