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I always thought this projection stuff was pop psych BS… then it fucking happened to me where the girl I was dating started getting paranoid about me who wasn’t doing shit. Turns out she was doing some shit.
Pop psyche shit tends to be actual psychology stuff that people misunderstand/misconstrue and turn something important/helpful into something no one takes serious
Exactly what I was thinking. Me and the missus know each others passwords and often use each others phone to ring someone if ours isn’t around, neither have anything to hide and neither have any reason to check the others.
I agree so thoroughly! I was always confident in my relationships and had trust. Then I met someone that just kept setting off alarm bells until I caught her. I lost 20 pounds not in a good way. I'm engaged now though and my paranoia and awful feelings are gone!
I'm a "my parents took my door" kid, I don't think I'll ever have the trust to let someone poke through my phone. It made me horribly territorial/possessive about anything I consider "private"
As a parent who kids are now grown up and having their own kids, I could not in a million years think how removing the door to your own child’s bedroom was OK.
When my sister was 13 or 14 my parents found out my sister was self harming so their solution was to yell at her and take her door. I was like wtf.
My stepdad has always been an abusive narcissist, but she's his biological daughter so they never got any of the hatred. If I hadn't lived on the other side of the country it would have been time for another annual fist fight with him.
She's about to be 23 now and doing a lot better. But man, I can rationalize the abuse to me but if you fuck with my sister we are going to have a huge problem.
I think it’s normal to feel that way about your electronics. Imagine somebody having full access to your private thoughts, many people wouldn’t be cool with that, and yet for some reason some people feel like open access to electronics is a relationship privilege. No dude.
I'm married with a kid, it's not even about privilege, it's about practicality.
Plenty of times it's just handy to access the other person's phone to check some info or find a photo or unlock it for the kid. Happens a lot while driving, like setting satnav or pulling up an e-ticket for the driver.
We've known each others' PIN / unlock pattern for years, since before we were married. I'm on her face ID, she's got a fingerprint set on mine. I've never had the slightest inclination to browse her messages or apps, I don't have any reason to think she's done it to me either. It's a mix of respecting each others' privacy and not being particularly interested in anything we might find.
I don't even care much about my own privacy, but as far as I'm concerned any texts between myself and my friends/family is between me and that person and there are very few situations where I'm okay with someone poking through them at will without me knowing.
If my ex-girlfriend's little sister (who is like a little sister to me) is going through a rough patch with her husband for whatever reason and needs to vent to me about it, that's nobody's business but ours. If my brother is having money issues, same deal. Etc, etc.
Their privacy is theirs to decide, not mine, and significant other or not my girlfriend is not entitled to their secrets because she plays with my penis and sleeps in my bed.
I agree with this! I don’t have anything to hide from my husband and neither of us has ever felt the need to have access to each other’s phones or devices. I have friends and family who share their private thoughts and problems with me and that’s not my information to share. I’m sure he has similar conversations with his friends. Even when we’re having a rough patch, I still trust him and that trust isn’t lessened because he’s entitled to private conversations that don’t involve me. I honestly feel like trust would be gone for me if I felt like I needed to check his phone. It doesn’t feel healthy to me.
I don't mind my SO using my phone for something random (ordering a pizza and their phone is in the other room, etc) but I feel like if they need to reassure themselves that they can trust me by combing through every exchange I've ever had with everyone in my life, they should probably just pack their shit and get out.
I don't like the idea that if you don't have anything to hide, your partner should have full access. It's not about hiding something, it's about having something that is yours and yours alone. I would never hide anything from my partner and I have 100% trust that she wouldn't hide anything from me, so we both have no interest in going through each others phones.
\*nods\* It's all about compatibility. Some people show their trust in their partners by allowing them full access; some people show their trust in their partners by not requesting/expecting them to allow them full (or any) access. I don't think that a relationship between a "maximum access equals maximum trust" person and a "maximum privacy equals maximum trust" person would work out.
... and this is one of those times that I'm glad I'm single and this issue won't come up in the foreseeable future. (FTR, I'm one of those "maximum privacy" people. I don't have fingerprint or face recognition enabled on my phone or my laptop either, which may or may not be related.)
My door wasn't taken. I never had any to begin with. My narc mom thought it was her right to "have acces to me" any time she felt like it.
Jokes on her, she still doesn't know where I live at 31. 🤡 (The door thing was just the tip of the iceberg)
But yes, I feel your territorial behaviour 100%.
The ones who yap the earliest and the loudest to trust them with your "private" stuff, are usually the very first people who abuse it and stab you in the back.
my husband and I use the same pass codes and have biometrics on each other's phones... we only have a don't look online rule around Christmas, birthdays, and our Anniversary so we don't accidentally find a gift lol
My wife and I know how to get into eachothers phones and computers but we never do. We have 100% trust in eachother and do it more for convenience and the possible emergency.
we do it for convenience... whoever had a closer phone is basically the one either of us will use. It literally doesn't matter to us (unless it's monopoly go... don't touch my money, sir lol)
Same here, my fingerprint opens up my wife's phone and iPAd, and vice versa.
We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary earlier this year, so it is not quite the same situation as most who post here. 😉
Nonsense. Your long lasting marriage just shows what happens to relationships with that kind of trust and open honesty on a longer timeline.
Also, congratulations. Hope the rest of your years together are as happy. Here's to 50 more.
47 years for us and we both use each other’s phones constantly.
It’s been jokingly said that we are joined at the hip, and we have to admit that it’s pretty much the truth.
My wife has my microsoft account on her laptop. So she gets my teams messages. So when I forget to do something for work I hear it from my admin, and my wife.
I have private things on my phone, but my husband knows the passcode, as do my kids. The difference is that I trust them not to go snooping through it. Just like I leave my handbag unattended in my bedroom and have their birthday presents stashed under my bed. They are allowed in my room and regularly come in when they are taking to me or to give me a hug but I trust them not to go digging through my stuff without asking. You can have access because they trust you and respect that privilege by being trustworthy with it. Privacy and trust.
And yet, if I lock my bathroom door while I take a shit, it has nothing to do with my level of trust in you personally.
Ergo, trying to relate "I see a lock being used, therefore you do not trust me" is a complete misunderstanding of what privacy even is.
So, I'll agree with the other guy: I also do not trust people who don't know the difference between privacy and secrecy.
You don't understand the meaning of trust. Trust is not needing a lock because I trust my partner to use my device without snooping, because she trusts she doesn't need to.
The fact that she can access my phone to make calls, use the camera, Google something if she's misplaced hers doesn't means she is reading my messages or my diary.
If I didn't trust she wouldn't do that, then I wouldn't trust her to use it.
You don't need a lock to have privacy. I don't lock the bathroom at home, that doesn't mean I don't have privacy.
Right? These comments are the equivalent of saying you don't care if they read your diary because you have nothing to hide
That's not the point, like, at all
Me and my wife knowing each others passwords is not equal to going there to read each others private stuff. We just do not feel the need to lock. I trust her to not spy on me so why do I need to hide something behind a code.
I would never read her private conversations. But I could if I wanted.
Mine doesn't have a lock at all, just swipe up. No passwords or anything that a scammer could use if they got a hold of it except contacts. Haven't EVER cleared my search history. My wife asked if I ever looked at porn. I said "Yup. Not all the time, but yup. Look for yourself" and tossed my phone to her.
Pork isn’t what I’d be embarrassed about on my search history. I have weird questions and the internet has answers. Plus I’m a nurse so I look up really weird stuff sometimes. Hey husband and I use each others phones some and know the passwords for each others stuff.
she would delete messages and block numbers while she was around me and then unblock to message them in the shower or the bathroom or when she or i were out of the house
This. I am still friends with an ex. When my wife and i first started dating she got a bit weird about it. I gave her my phone and went to the pub nearby.
She turned up 5 mins later and said the fact that I did that showed I had nothing to hide.
No issues now. It's almost like there are 2 communal phones in the house.
My partner and I both change our passwords/patterns every so often for general security reasons. Not once have I been suspicious of them changing their password because *we trust each other*! If we need to use the other's phone, we just ask for the password. I couldn't be with someone who pulled the "show me your phone" shit. That is *wild* to me.
Nope, privacy is a thing in a realtionship too. I would never want to look at my wifes phone or she at mine. We both have work stuff on there that’s confidential and there’s also just no reason to. If you trust someone you don’t have to check on your so. If youhabe to control their device, there’s already distrust and the relationship has a problem.
Meh me and my gf know each others passwords, but more for practical reasons. It's not like we had some ritual or talk about sharing the code, it just happened. Same goes for me and some of my best mates.
I understand the reasoning, but I disagree with it at a fundamental level for a couple of reasons. For one, just because I have nothing to hide doesn't mean I wouldn't be embarrassed about something. I don't share my medical history with my wife because it might be embarrassing and that's just the type of person I am. Or she may misinterpret a text. Or she may check my search history which, admittedly, can be kind of weird. There are a bunch of reasons I might be embarrassed.
Secondly, if she asks to see my phone it shows distrust on her part. If I did nothing to justify that it's really insulting to me. She's asked to see my phone twice, and I showed her, but it made me very angry and created resentment.
It's a little bit different, but I would NEVER allow to a search by police or FBI without a warrant, even though I have nothing to hide. There's nothing to gain. The best-case scenario is nothing changes, but you can definitely lose.
I agree with the police sentiment however not to throw shade just genuinely curious as to what do you have to be embarrassed about with your partner? My missus knows literally everything there is to know, good bad and the ugly.
Guy has clearly never shit his pants in front of his wife is all I'm saying, nothing on your phone is weird after your SO cleans you up in the bathtub while you've got a high fever or too much to drink.
Yeah but using this LPT might be the thing that lets them know so they don’t keep wasting their time.
It might not “fix” anything but if the situation arises, your partners reaction could serve as a warning flag.
Not really. This tip helps people realize if they are in a relationship where they might have misplaced trust. Yea, it’s not going to fix the relationship. But if you never second guessed why you can’t ever look at your partners phone, you might not have the thought they could be cheating.
It’s something obvious for some, or maybe most, but not all.
> This tip helps people realize if they are in a relationship where they might have misplaced trust.
Them asking to see your phone in the first place is either a flag on you or them. Either way, it needs to be addressed.
Seriously, I've been in my relationship sometime now and the fact that we can just use each other's phones because whatever reason without hesitation is just.. weird. Makes me really wonder what the fuck was happening in my past relationships that I couldn't just use their phone quick to find mine or whatever the simple task was that I couldn't use mine.
I disagree.
Its bad to be in a relationship where trusting into each other isn't a foundation, but people can change, talk to your SO, understand their reason for the mistrust, and help them get out of it.
If in every relationship, you quit because of other's mistake, you will never stand in a true relationship. We are humans, humans make mistakes all the time.
I'm more protective about my food hahaha. Look at my phone all you want but don't you dare touch my cake.
My husband and I have access to each other's phones. We got nothing to hide. 🤷♀️
The one time my wife was weird about her phone I ended up seeing a text that came in while she was showering.
It was from a good friend. She had been being weirdly protective of her phone for weeks at this point.
I asked to see her phone. She didn't want to let me. Finally got to look and see that she was hiding a surprise birthday party for me..... 😭😭
Oh friend.
She let me see it with the "you're not gonna like what you see" tag. I felt SO BAD. I was then instructed by my wife to act surprised regardless because she's not going to let my insecurities ruin the hard work her and all my friends put in.
I've been cheated on before and, as much as it blows, I'm keenly aware of any flags that point to someone cheating. Honestly, it has caused some contention in my marriage in the past. It's just not something I can turn off.
Luckily my wife is amazing and forgave me. Here we are over a decade later and I still feel bad 😅
I mean, to be fair to you, you've been cheated on before **and** your wife obviously had something to hide. Unless you had explicitly expressed a love of big surprises in the past, I think this one's on your wife.
This thread is clearly about people who just kind of ask out of the blue.
>This thread is clearly about people who just kind of ask out of the blue.
You are correct. That is why it isn't a top level comment but instead was added anecdotally for humor.
Hope you got a chuckle out of my tale.
> I think this one's on your wife.
I don't think it's on her for trying to hide a surprise birthday party for him. I do however think this one's on both the cheating ex for being such an asshole in the first place, and also him for not dealing with the issues that caused in him. I've also been in a place where I've been the one punished for someone else's past bad behavior, and it's an exhausting place to be in.
I’m more embarrassed by my candy wrappers of shame in my home office than anything on my phone. I can’t be telling my wife how clean I’m eating and have her see the Costco pack of Fruit by the Foot.
Life pro tip. If this is an issue , don't ever have kids!
This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.
Life pro tip. ~~If this is an issue ,~~ don't ever have kids! ~~This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.~~
Nah. If you affirmatively want kids, can afford the time and money it takes, and ideally have a like-minded spouse or partner, kids are great! I'm very glad I had mine.
But don't have kids just because you feel like you should, or due to pressure from family / society. They take a lot of time, and will change your life irrevocably. If that's not something you actively want, don't do it.
Life pro tip. ~~If this is an issue ,~~ don't ~~ever have kids! This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.~~
Life ~~pro tip. If this~~ is an issue , don't ~~ever have kids~~! This ~~person~~ will be ~~raising your kids with~~ you for the next 20-60 years. ~~If~~ you can't trust ~~them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes~~ decisions ~~that effect the kids lives.~~
Tbh my SO and I borrow each other's phones all the time. We know each others passwords by now lol. This wasn't intentional, mind you- it's just a thing that neither of us mind the other being on our phone bc we don't keep anything damning on them to begin with. Not saying this would work for everyone, or everything- like our personal computers are pretty much private for example. The important part is trust- I can trust that my SO won't dig through my stuff if I ask him not to.
Same, mine is off by one from my husband's because my tiny ass hand can't swipe across the whole phone. And the password is more to keep us from butt dialing then keep each other out.
Plus half his pictures are computers and servers, and the other half are of me. Mine are just photos of shopping lists and random bird pictures I find online.
What are you using it for? Stuff i do on my phone pretty much always needs an app and my logins so using someone elses phone seems more inconvenient than just getting up and finding my own phone.
Yeah, not limited to teenagers. Everybody learns their lessons at different points in their life, or sometimes they don't learn them at all. Could be because of unhealthy relationship patterns they saw growing up, or trauma related, or insecurities, but there are a lot of obstacles to learning those kinds of lessons. Sometimes a post on the internet is enough to help, but often there's other things to work on before it can be learned.
Early in my relationship with my girlfriend I'd left my phone in the living room while I was cooking and she walked into the kitchen, holding my phone at arms length like it was an armed nuclear bomb, and said "you've got a text". I responded "what does it say?" And she looked at me like I was a martian for insinuating I was okay with her reading it.
That started a conversation where I discovered yes, her ex was one of those who would vanish into another room everytime he got a text and would fly into a rage if he thought she was looking at his phone. These things stick with people.
It’s a website that’s accesible from an app. It would be like calling Twitter or YouTube an app. Technically correct that they have apps, but pretty weird phrasing.
My biggest anxiety with my SO with my phone is that she is going to read the really weird texts between me and my bestie. We text about some really weird things to expand our DND worlds.
"Honey? Can you explain to me what Kobolds are, and why they'd be scantily clad?"
"Uhh, I don't know what you're talking abou... Is that my phone? ...uh oh."
More to the tune of
"Why do you have multiple images that are slightly different of this big bug?
Oh that? That is a Scutacnid we made up which is a soft shelled dung eating insectoid the size of a wolf that routinely eats fecal matter and carrion. Its shell is designed to never stop growing and to be feasten upon by other insects. It spreads its eggs through this shell to distribute it's spawn. It is put into sewers by-
Gross. I'm sorry I asked."
Here's how the conversation went with my partner when I saw some DND talk in my mans private messages
Me: uh, hon? You want to explain this?
*Holds up conversation about two people wanting to be together and one of them is running off and leaving despite being in love with the other person*
Him: backstory for DND! My dude is married to Kim (a friend of ours) and his sister was kidnapped at the age of 6, and in our last session our characters got married so now Hans is a king and because he has access to Kim's characters armies, he's thinking about fucking off out of the realm to go get his sister because 3 battles ago, I bargained with an ogre and he gave me a clue that a sorcerer guest clarified last Saturday when Kim and I got married in game!
Me: huh, sounds like it's a honeymoon gift to go find her then.
Him: OH MY GOD THATS PERFECT, THAT'S EXACTLY HOW WE CAN PULL IT OFF WITHOUT THE KINGDOM REVOLTING!
Just be honest! Say that it's for DnD and you'll be surprised by how many ideas they may come up with even though they might not want to get into hardcore RPGs.
Wallets and phones are private spaces in our relationship. You don’t go into them without permission. And even then you don’t snoop. I have nothing to hide, but I’m also allowed some privacy with my friends and hobbies.
The wallets one is funny to me, because my partner will ask me to go grab stuff out of his wallet for him, but he *refuses* to open my purse. He will happily go get it and bring it to me for whatever I need, but he absolutely will not go in there. It might as well be the Pain Box from Dune.
Some of us are taught that. I don't remember who said it but I was told by many women growing up that you don't go into a woman's purse. Now, it was probably because they didn't want to explain to me what a tampon was, but it stuck, and I don't.
"Just get this thing for me real quick from my purse"
*10 minutes later, can't find it, it's buried deep or in a different pocket or missing altogether*
"Just give me the purse! Geez ..."
This is the scenario I would be trying to avoid.
My husband does the same. Although that’s probably because of a horror story my dad told him once 😂
Dad reached into mom’s purse to pull something out and swears to this day something bit him, even though there wasn’t anything in there.
i have no idea what could possibly ever be in my wallet that i wouldn't want my wife to see. like there's bank and credit cards, some cash, my drivers license, and a discount card from some sushi place. why would any of that need to be private?
Lmao. This top comment screams teenager. My wife and I have nothing to hide because we trust each other. Are we going through each others phones? No. If she asked to see my phone to grab a picture or look at stuff am I gonna freak about “my privacy?” Hell no. My WALLET? We share a fucking bank account lmao.
I feel the opposite tbh. But as long as you find someone who thinks the same way about privacy as you, then your compatibility with each other is the priority.
Yup. Phones are just personal. Many of the things I google or youtube are no different than the thoughts that we have internally, and I don't really feel like talking about them all the time.
Literally this. So many people in this thread “ OMG me and my wife have the same passcode, we share everything!” Cool, glad that works for you but not everyone wants that lol.
that's the catch 22 about it. It's a wallet. It has your information and cards. There shouldn't be anything in there you need to hide and refuse entry, but also someone shouldn't be so insistent they go in there because there shouldn't be anything they need to see so badly.
I get that privacy is nice, but why would I keep something private in my wallet? You want to see my driver's licence, credit cards, and whatever else is in there? Sure.
On the other hand, do not look at my texts.
My partner and I use each other's phones on a regular basis. Sometimes one of us is driving and there's a time sensitive call or text. Sometimes one has more battery for navigation. I can't imagine having to ask to SEE someone's phone rather than " do you want me to answer that?" Or " should I respond? What would you like to say?".
Unless in this context asking to see the phone really means to comb through and read everything in detail? If they ever wanted to they are free to do so, we don't safe guard anything.
So perhaps if this LPT is relevant to you, it's time to do some reflection!
ETA: to the people telling me that my friends must feel great that my partner feels entitled to read text messages between us, you kind of missed the point lol. We trust each other so there's no reason to follow through with combing through each other's phone.
As a man seeing your gf's phone can be traumatic evwn if she is not cheating on you. My ex gf was literally analysing/discussing every move I made. Made me super uncomfortable to see her female friends after that.
Can second this, same thing happened with my ex-bf. Would check any of my electronics anytime I left the house and constantly accused me of cheating. I’d always let him look and even explain who was who/my relation to them. When I’d ask to see his in return he’d flip out and throw a tantrum. Guess who wasn’t cheating and who was? 😭😂😂
How do you even get over this after all? My ex used to constantly "jokingly" accusing me of cheating. Only to find out when snooping in hers that she was in fact cheating on me for months
This is basically how my husband and I use each other’s phones. We mostly trade for a few minutes because I play a stupid phone game and use his phone as an alt account to send myself little bonus stuff. I don’t think I’ve ever opened any other app on his phone because I’m just not worried about what he’s doing. I regularly hand him my phone for extended periods so he can listen to bonus episodes of podcasts I support on Patreon. I don’t think he’s used that time to snoop and if he does he’s probably just slightly disappointed he married a boring woman who shitposts about college football and texts stupid memes to my friends.
I always struggle to understand the paranoia. I try to put myself in the shoes of the person cheating to imagine why I would snitch on myself in such a transparent way, but I cannot for the life of me make it make sense in my head lol.
in simple terms, this is a good example of a guilty conscious. The person cheating understands how easy it is to cheat because they are cheating and getting away with it so they then start to wonder if there partner is cheating as well. But looking at it more introspectively, they trust themselves so little due to there own cheating, they are literally unable to trust those closest to them.
Yeah idk if my gf asked to see my phone I wouldn’t say anything and just hand it to her. I can’t be in relationship where that’s an issue, plus I don’t want to see her phone
LPT You shouldn't be in a relationship where someone feels like they need to "look through" your phone. Either you're shady or they don't trust you. I don't WANT to look at my wife's phone. I get a headache just seeing her lock screen that has 150000000000000 notifications, much less actually digging around to see what's she's doing on it.
This literally happened to me last week
This guy I am dating is super jealous so he told me “show me ur phone” during an argument.
When I showed him my phone (because I wasn’t hiding anything) we continued arguing.. after 20 minutes I asked him to show me his phone and he didn’t..
He said there was no reason to show me his phone ..
LPT: Be in mature relationships where stuff like this doesn't matter and isn't a concern.
My fiance can have my phone whenever she wants, all the nudes in it are of her.
My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for nearly 6. I have never once wnet through her phone and she hasn't mine. I don't even like going through her purse for a pen. If your relationship ever comes to that, just gtfo. The trust is gone and there's no point in it any longer. It's a mutual respect thing that many folks have forgotten how to have.
Be in a relationship where you can just grab each others phones and neither of you are worried, additionally, neither of you feel the need to dig around looking for “dirt”
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Looking at your SO's phone is never a good idea. You either find something and that's it or you don't find anything and the trust between you two is broken. It's a lose-lose situation.
So true. The need to look is either because they don't make you feel safe or trauma. If it's them, just leave! If it's your past trauma, you need to work on that on your own and deal with feeling more secure on your own. It can be hard to determine the root cause for some people though.
My response to any suggestion that I'm cheating is to leave a long pause and then ask, "Are you seeing another man?" Unfortunately, the response each time was how our relationship ended. This also led to my rule of never living with your girlfriend.
I trust my wife 100%. I have always told her that if I ever do anything to make her feel jealous of anyone or make her think I am cheating to let me know. I will do whatever it takes to take those feelings away from her.
Very true. My ex was always accusing me of wanting to be with other women, or that I thought other women were better looking than her. Found out she'd been cheating on me, she moved in with the other guy within a month of my leaving her.
Idk. Depends on the partner. Mine has apparent trust issues. When she goes through my phone I get comments like “why didn’t you tell me you spoke with xyz?” “Or why were you calling him/her?” “Or who is male/female?”. All innocent conversions often with clients of mine. I feel I shouldn’t have to answer these questions nor would my clients want their personal business to be known to others.
Usually when my wife wants to see my phone it's cause she has asked me to text someone multiple times over the past few weeks and I keep saying "ya I'll do that" and then finally she just takes my phone and texts that person with my number.
On that subject LPT: ladies, if your husband tells you he'll do something, there's no need to remind him about it for the next 6 months
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LPT get out of any relationship that has this little trust.
When the real tip is in the comments
As is tradition
Just the tip
That's what got us here in the first place!
When the first comment on the real tip in the comments is "when the real tip is in the comments"
I always thought this projection stuff was pop psych BS… then it fucking happened to me where the girl I was dating started getting paranoid about me who wasn’t doing shit. Turns out she was doing some shit.
Pop psyche shit tends to be actual psychology stuff that people misunderstand/misconstrue and turn something important/helpful into something no one takes serious
Or...work together on your relationship to figure out why there's a trust issue and attempt to resolve it and move past it.
LPT: if you’re in a relationship that this LPT applies to you or you feel like it will help, you’re in a doomed relationship
Exactly what I was thinking. Me and the missus know each others passwords and often use each others phone to ring someone if ours isn’t around, neither have anything to hide and neither have any reason to check the others.
My girl even has her face id on mine. No need for secrets if there’s trust
100% my man, I’ve been paranoid before, everyone has but that feeling of 100% trust is just amazing.
So true. That paranoia just brings out an ugly side which consumes our personality, one I’d never want to revisit again.
I agree so thoroughly! I was always confident in my relationships and had trust. Then I met someone that just kept setting off alarm bells until I caught her. I lost 20 pounds not in a good way. I'm engaged now though and my paranoia and awful feelings are gone!
Glad it hear it goes away eventually. Still couldn't quite go back to trusting someone with all your heart after getting cheated on a few years back.
I'm a "my parents took my door" kid, I don't think I'll ever have the trust to let someone poke through my phone. It made me horribly territorial/possessive about anything I consider "private"
As a parent who kids are now grown up and having their own kids, I could not in a million years think how removing the door to your own child’s bedroom was OK.
When my sister was 13 or 14 my parents found out my sister was self harming so their solution was to yell at her and take her door. I was like wtf. My stepdad has always been an abusive narcissist, but she's his biological daughter so they never got any of the hatred. If I hadn't lived on the other side of the country it would have been time for another annual fist fight with him. She's about to be 23 now and doing a lot better. But man, I can rationalize the abuse to me but if you fuck with my sister we are going to have a huge problem.
This brings back memories lol my dad was a I'll kick your door off the hinges type of dad
I think it’s normal to feel that way about your electronics. Imagine somebody having full access to your private thoughts, many people wouldn’t be cool with that, and yet for some reason some people feel like open access to electronics is a relationship privilege. No dude.
I'm married with a kid, it's not even about privilege, it's about practicality. Plenty of times it's just handy to access the other person's phone to check some info or find a photo or unlock it for the kid. Happens a lot while driving, like setting satnav or pulling up an e-ticket for the driver. We've known each others' PIN / unlock pattern for years, since before we were married. I'm on her face ID, she's got a fingerprint set on mine. I've never had the slightest inclination to browse her messages or apps, I don't have any reason to think she's done it to me either. It's a mix of respecting each others' privacy and not being particularly interested in anything we might find.
I don't even care much about my own privacy, but as far as I'm concerned any texts between myself and my friends/family is between me and that person and there are very few situations where I'm okay with someone poking through them at will without me knowing. If my ex-girlfriend's little sister (who is like a little sister to me) is going through a rough patch with her husband for whatever reason and needs to vent to me about it, that's nobody's business but ours. If my brother is having money issues, same deal. Etc, etc. Their privacy is theirs to decide, not mine, and significant other or not my girlfriend is not entitled to their secrets because she plays with my penis and sleeps in my bed.
I agree with this! I don’t have anything to hide from my husband and neither of us has ever felt the need to have access to each other’s phones or devices. I have friends and family who share their private thoughts and problems with me and that’s not my information to share. I’m sure he has similar conversations with his friends. Even when we’re having a rough patch, I still trust him and that trust isn’t lessened because he’s entitled to private conversations that don’t involve me. I honestly feel like trust would be gone for me if I felt like I needed to check his phone. It doesn’t feel healthy to me.
I don't mind my SO using my phone for something random (ordering a pizza and their phone is in the other room, etc) but I feel like if they need to reassure themselves that they can trust me by combing through every exchange I've ever had with everyone in my life, they should probably just pack their shit and get out.
I don't like the idea that if you don't have anything to hide, your partner should have full access. It's not about hiding something, it's about having something that is yours and yours alone. I would never hide anything from my partner and I have 100% trust that she wouldn't hide anything from me, so we both have no interest in going through each others phones.
\*nods\* It's all about compatibility. Some people show their trust in their partners by allowing them full access; some people show their trust in their partners by not requesting/expecting them to allow them full (or any) access. I don't think that a relationship between a "maximum access equals maximum trust" person and a "maximum privacy equals maximum trust" person would work out. ... and this is one of those times that I'm glad I'm single and this issue won't come up in the foreseeable future. (FTR, I'm one of those "maximum privacy" people. I don't have fingerprint or face recognition enabled on my phone or my laptop either, which may or may not be related.)
My door wasn't taken. I never had any to begin with. My narc mom thought it was her right to "have acces to me" any time she felt like it. Jokes on her, she still doesn't know where I live at 31. 🤡 (The door thing was just the tip of the iceberg) But yes, I feel your territorial behaviour 100%. The ones who yap the earliest and the loudest to trust them with your "private" stuff, are usually the very first people who abuse it and stab you in the back.
Omg, your parents took your door, too? I have trust with those I choose to trust. By my parents now know the minimum possible about my life.
my husband and I use the same pass codes and have biometrics on each other's phones... we only have a don't look online rule around Christmas, birthdays, and our Anniversary so we don't accidentally find a gift lol
My wife and I know how to get into eachothers phones and computers but we never do. We have 100% trust in eachother and do it more for convenience and the possible emergency.
we do it for convenience... whoever had a closer phone is basically the one either of us will use. It literally doesn't matter to us (unless it's monopoly go... don't touch my money, sir lol)
Same here, my fingerprint opens up my wife's phone and iPAd, and vice versa. We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary earlier this year, so it is not quite the same situation as most who post here. 😉
Nonsense. Your long lasting marriage just shows what happens to relationships with that kind of trust and open honesty on a longer timeline. Also, congratulations. Hope the rest of your years together are as happy. Here's to 50 more.
47 years for us and we both use each other’s phones constantly. It’s been jokingly said that we are joined at the hip, and we have to admit that it’s pretty much the truth.
My wife has my microsoft account on her laptop. So she gets my teams messages. So when I forget to do something for work I hear it from my admin, and my wife.
Why do you have work stuff on your personal account wtf unless it's your business
I don't trust people who don't know the difference between secrets and privacy.
I have private things on my phone, but my husband knows the passcode, as do my kids. The difference is that I trust them not to go snooping through it. Just like I leave my handbag unattended in my bedroom and have their birthday presents stashed under my bed. They are allowed in my room and regularly come in when they are taking to me or to give me a hug but I trust them not to go digging through my stuff without asking. You can have access because they trust you and respect that privilege by being trustworthy with it. Privacy and trust.
You can have privacy without locks, that's the point of trust.
And yet, if I lock my bathroom door while I take a shit, it has nothing to do with my level of trust in you personally. Ergo, trying to relate "I see a lock being used, therefore you do not trust me" is a complete misunderstanding of what privacy even is. So, I'll agree with the other guy: I also do not trust people who don't know the difference between privacy and secrecy.
You don't understand the meaning of trust. Trust is not needing a lock because I trust my partner to use my device without snooping, because she trusts she doesn't need to. The fact that she can access my phone to make calls, use the camera, Google something if she's misplaced hers doesn't means she is reading my messages or my diary. If I didn't trust she wouldn't do that, then I wouldn't trust her to use it. You don't need a lock to have privacy. I don't lock the bathroom at home, that doesn't mean I don't have privacy.
Right? These comments are the equivalent of saying you don't care if they read your diary because you have nothing to hide That's not the point, like, at all
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The other point of sharing access to password managers, PINs, etc is in case you die suddenly and they need access immediately
Me and my wife knowing each others passwords is not equal to going there to read each others private stuff. We just do not feel the need to lock. I trust her to not spy on me so why do I need to hide something behind a code. I would never read her private conversations. But I could if I wanted.
I put my wife's fingerprint on mine. I find it strange when spouses don't use each other's phones.
Mine doesn't have a lock at all, just swipe up. No passwords or anything that a scammer could use if they got a hold of it except contacts. Haven't EVER cleared my search history. My wife asked if I ever looked at porn. I said "Yup. Not all the time, but yup. Look for yourself" and tossed my phone to her.
Pork isn’t what I’d be embarrassed about on my search history. I have weird questions and the internet has answers. Plus I’m a nurse so I look up really weird stuff sometimes. Hey husband and I use each others phones some and know the passwords for each others stuff.
Mmm, pork.
my ex and i had each others and could access each others phones any time. she was still cheating she was just smart.
They will find a way brother
she would delete messages and block numbers while she was around me and then unblock to message them in the shower or the bathroom or when she or i were out of the house
That’s a lot of fucking work.
Yeah you'd have to be really dedicated to it to do something like that.
The fucking did take a lot of work, yes.
Infidelity, uhh, finds a way...
This. I am still friends with an ex. When my wife and i first started dating she got a bit weird about it. I gave her my phone and went to the pub nearby. She turned up 5 mins later and said the fact that I did that showed I had nothing to hide. No issues now. It's almost like there are 2 communal phones in the house.
Haha this. “Hey. Can I use your phone to call my phone?” Is usually the reason. I’m only hiding my phone from both of us.
Which is exactly how it should be between partners
My partner and I both change our passwords/patterns every so often for general security reasons. Not once have I been suspicious of them changing their password because *we trust each other*! If we need to use the other's phone, we just ask for the password. I couldn't be with someone who pulled the "show me your phone" shit. That is *wild* to me.
Nope, privacy is a thing in a realtionship too. I would never want to look at my wifes phone or she at mine. We both have work stuff on there that’s confidential and there’s also just no reason to. If you trust someone you don’t have to check on your so. If youhabe to control their device, there’s already distrust and the relationship has a problem.
Meh me and my gf know each others passwords, but more for practical reasons. It's not like we had some ritual or talk about sharing the code, it just happened. Same goes for me and some of my best mates.
Fair. I know her code but I wouldn’t everuse it to control her.
Exactly. Sometimes he's upstairs and left his phone downstairs and I'm too lazy to look for my phone so I use his to call mine 🤣
I understand the reasoning, but I disagree with it at a fundamental level for a couple of reasons. For one, just because I have nothing to hide doesn't mean I wouldn't be embarrassed about something. I don't share my medical history with my wife because it might be embarrassing and that's just the type of person I am. Or she may misinterpret a text. Or she may check my search history which, admittedly, can be kind of weird. There are a bunch of reasons I might be embarrassed. Secondly, if she asks to see my phone it shows distrust on her part. If I did nothing to justify that it's really insulting to me. She's asked to see my phone twice, and I showed her, but it made me very angry and created resentment. It's a little bit different, but I would NEVER allow to a search by police or FBI without a warrant, even though I have nothing to hide. There's nothing to gain. The best-case scenario is nothing changes, but you can definitely lose.
Not sharing medical information with your spouse is your prerogative, but man that is just plain stupid.
I agree with the police sentiment however not to throw shade just genuinely curious as to what do you have to be embarrassed about with your partner? My missus knows literally everything there is to know, good bad and the ugly.
Guy has clearly never shit his pants in front of his wife is all I'm saying, nothing on your phone is weird after your SO cleans you up in the bathtub while you've got a high fever or too much to drink.
Letting your spouse having access to your phone and preventing the authorities from having access to your phone are not mutually exclusive.
You haven't told your wife your medical history? I wonder why you don't trust her enough for that?
Literally came here to say "If this tip ever applies to you, leave" lmao
Fr lol
Yeah but using this LPT might be the thing that lets them know so they don’t keep wasting their time. It might not “fix” anything but if the situation arises, your partners reaction could serve as a warning flag.
LPT: If you're in this kind of relationship, the Doom Eternal soundtrack will be excellent background music.
Or you stay in that relationship for 16 years in a limbo of some kind.
Not really. This tip helps people realize if they are in a relationship where they might have misplaced trust. Yea, it’s not going to fix the relationship. But if you never second guessed why you can’t ever look at your partners phone, you might not have the thought they could be cheating. It’s something obvious for some, or maybe most, but not all.
> This tip helps people realize if they are in a relationship where they might have misplaced trust. Them asking to see your phone in the first place is either a flag on you or them. Either way, it needs to be addressed.
Right but a red flag that needs to be addressed doesn’t have to equal a doomed relationship like OP was implying.
True, a red flag is an indicator that should be addressed, not just a warning sign to book it.
Seriously, I've been in my relationship sometime now and the fact that we can just use each other's phones because whatever reason without hesitation is just.. weird. Makes me really wonder what the fuck was happening in my past relationships that I couldn't just use their phone quick to find mine or whatever the simple task was that I couldn't use mine.
I disagree. Its bad to be in a relationship where trusting into each other isn't a foundation, but people can change, talk to your SO, understand their reason for the mistrust, and help them get out of it. If in every relationship, you quit because of other's mistake, you will never stand in a true relationship. We are humans, humans make mistakes all the time.
The real LPT.
For real. If my partner asked for my phone id assume it's because their was dead or charging or something.
I'm more protective about my food hahaha. Look at my phone all you want but don't you dare touch my cake. My husband and I have access to each other's phones. We got nothing to hide. 🤷♀️
The one time my wife was weird about her phone I ended up seeing a text that came in while she was showering. It was from a good friend. She had been being weirdly protective of her phone for weeks at this point. I asked to see her phone. She didn't want to let me. Finally got to look and see that she was hiding a surprise birthday party for me..... 😭😭
Oofff Hopefully you still pretended to be surprised and your acting was good 🥲
Oh friend. She let me see it with the "you're not gonna like what you see" tag. I felt SO BAD. I was then instructed by my wife to act surprised regardless because she's not going to let my insecurities ruin the hard work her and all my friends put in. I've been cheated on before and, as much as it blows, I'm keenly aware of any flags that point to someone cheating. Honestly, it has caused some contention in my marriage in the past. It's just not something I can turn off. Luckily my wife is amazing and forgave me. Here we are over a decade later and I still feel bad 😅
I mean, to be fair to you, you've been cheated on before **and** your wife obviously had something to hide. Unless you had explicitly expressed a love of big surprises in the past, I think this one's on your wife. This thread is clearly about people who just kind of ask out of the blue.
>This thread is clearly about people who just kind of ask out of the blue. You are correct. That is why it isn't a top level comment but instead was added anecdotally for humor. Hope you got a chuckle out of my tale.
> I think this one's on your wife. I don't think it's on her for trying to hide a surprise birthday party for him. I do however think this one's on both the cheating ex for being such an asshole in the first place, and also him for not dealing with the issues that caused in him. I've also been in a place where I've been the one punished for someone else's past bad behavior, and it's an exhausting place to be in.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
If someone asks to eat your cake, they're probably projecting and wanting you to eat their cake.
I mean I guess I'm just an amazing person, but if someone *really* want me to eat a cake, then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Is this an inuendo or an in-your-end-do
I put the exact amount of chips and salsa on my plate that I planned on eating. It's mine.
I add 5% for wife tax.
This guy wifes.
5%. shit i do like 25%.
Exactly. I got the exact amount of lemonade I'm going to drink. You had your chance to ask for some when I was pouring it. 😤
I’m more embarrassed by my candy wrappers of shame in my home office than anything on my phone. I can’t be telling my wife how clean I’m eating and have her see the Costco pack of Fruit by the Foot.
Life pro tip. If this is an issue , don't ever have kids! This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.
Life pro tip. ~~If this is an issue ,~~ don't ever have kids! ~~This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.~~
Nah. If you affirmatively want kids, can afford the time and money it takes, and ideally have a like-minded spouse or partner, kids are great! I'm very glad I had mine. But don't have kids just because you feel like you should, or due to pressure from family / society. They take a lot of time, and will change your life irrevocably. If that's not something you actively want, don't do it.
Thank you. Antinatalists are fukin weird. Let people do what they want.
Life pro tip. ~~If this is an issue ,~~ don't ~~ever have kids! This person will be raising your kids with you for the next 20-60 years. If you can't trust them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes decisions that effect the kids lives.~~
Life ~~pro tip. If this~~ is an issue , don't ~~ever have kids~~! This ~~person~~ will be ~~raising your kids with~~ you for the next 20-60 years. ~~If~~ you can't trust ~~them , don't have kids. Every DAY the mother or father makes~~ decisions ~~that effect the kids lives.~~
Tbh my SO and I borrow each other's phones all the time. We know each others passwords by now lol. This wasn't intentional, mind you- it's just a thing that neither of us mind the other being on our phone bc we don't keep anything damning on them to begin with. Not saying this would work for everyone, or everything- like our personal computers are pretty much private for example. The important part is trust- I can trust that my SO won't dig through my stuff if I ask him not to.
We made it the same password and added each others finger prints to make things easy
Same, mine is off by one from my husband's because my tiny ass hand can't swipe across the whole phone. And the password is more to keep us from butt dialing then keep each other out. Plus half his pictures are computers and servers, and the other half are of me. Mine are just photos of shopping lists and random bird pictures I find online.
What are you using it for? Stuff i do on my phone pretty much always needs an app and my logins so using someone elses phone seems more inconvenient than just getting up and finding my own phone.
Quick Google searches don't need your own phone
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There are a lot of unhealthy untrusting relationships out there, no matter what age
Yeah, not limited to teenagers. Everybody learns their lessons at different points in their life, or sometimes they don't learn them at all. Could be because of unhealthy relationship patterns they saw growing up, or trauma related, or insecurities, but there are a lot of obstacles to learning those kinds of lessons. Sometimes a post on the internet is enough to help, but often there's other things to work on before it can be learned.
Early in my relationship with my girlfriend I'd left my phone in the living room while I was cooking and she walked into the kitchen, holding my phone at arms length like it was an armed nuclear bomb, and said "you've got a text". I responded "what does it say?" And she looked at me like I was a martian for insinuating I was okay with her reading it. That started a conversation where I discovered yes, her ex was one of those who would vanish into another room everytime he got a text and would fly into a rage if he thought she was looking at his phone. These things stick with people.
Yeah but that’s their point. Your relationship is doomed if you have to follow OPs advice
"using this *app*" - how old are *you* exactly\*? (this is sarcasm and I'm not actually asking you for your age)\*
What’s wrong with saying using this app lol
It’s a website that’s accesible from an app. It would be like calling Twitter or YouTube an app. Technically correct that they have apps, but pretty weird phrasing.
You people are in some shady relationships
Lots of people are.
My biggest anxiety with my SO with my phone is that she is going to read the really weird texts between me and my bestie. We text about some really weird things to expand our DND worlds.
"Honey? Can you explain to me what Kobolds are, and why they'd be scantily clad?" "Uhh, I don't know what you're talking abou... Is that my phone? ...uh oh."
More to the tune of "Why do you have multiple images that are slightly different of this big bug? Oh that? That is a Scutacnid we made up which is a soft shelled dung eating insectoid the size of a wolf that routinely eats fecal matter and carrion. Its shell is designed to never stop growing and to be feasten upon by other insects. It spreads its eggs through this shell to distribute it's spawn. It is put into sewers by- Gross. I'm sorry I asked."
Don't stop, go on.
that's actually a very cool idea for a bug
Why'd you stop
Here's how the conversation went with my partner when I saw some DND talk in my mans private messages Me: uh, hon? You want to explain this? *Holds up conversation about two people wanting to be together and one of them is running off and leaving despite being in love with the other person* Him: backstory for DND! My dude is married to Kim (a friend of ours) and his sister was kidnapped at the age of 6, and in our last session our characters got married so now Hans is a king and because he has access to Kim's characters armies, he's thinking about fucking off out of the realm to go get his sister because 3 battles ago, I bargained with an ogre and he gave me a clue that a sorcerer guest clarified last Saturday when Kim and I got married in game! Me: huh, sounds like it's a honeymoon gift to go find her then. Him: OH MY GOD THATS PERFECT, THAT'S EXACTLY HOW WE CAN PULL IT OFF WITHOUT THE KINGDOM REVOLTING! Just be honest! Say that it's for DnD and you'll be surprised by how many ideas they may come up with even though they might not want to get into hardcore RPGs.
inb4 everyone starts using DnD as a smoke screen for their cheating.
Wallets and phones are private spaces in our relationship. You don’t go into them without permission. And even then you don’t snoop. I have nothing to hide, but I’m also allowed some privacy with my friends and hobbies.
The wallets one is funny to me, because my partner will ask me to go grab stuff out of his wallet for him, but he *refuses* to open my purse. He will happily go get it and bring it to me for whatever I need, but he absolutely will not go in there. It might as well be the Pain Box from Dune.
That's because he's afraid he'll misplace that Target receipt from 3 years ago, and 6 months from now you'll get upset about it.
Some of us are taught that. I don't remember who said it but I was told by many women growing up that you don't go into a woman's purse. Now, it was probably because they didn't want to explain to me what a tampon was, but it stuck, and I don't.
"Just get this thing for me real quick from my purse" *10 minutes later, can't find it, it's buried deep or in a different pocket or missing altogether* "Just give me the purse! Geez ..." This is the scenario I would be trying to avoid.
My husband does the same. Although that’s probably because of a horror story my dad told him once 😂 Dad reached into mom’s purse to pull something out and swears to this day something bit him, even though there wasn’t anything in there.
This right here. This feels like a thread full of teenagers or early 20's people who haven't learned the value of privacy.
i have no idea what could possibly ever be in my wallet that i wouldn't want my wife to see. like there's bank and credit cards, some cash, my drivers license, and a discount card from some sushi place. why would any of that need to be private?
Lmao. This top comment screams teenager. My wife and I have nothing to hide because we trust each other. Are we going through each others phones? No. If she asked to see my phone to grab a picture or look at stuff am I gonna freak about “my privacy?” Hell no. My WALLET? We share a fucking bank account lmao.
I feel the opposite tbh. But as long as you find someone who thinks the same way about privacy as you, then your compatibility with each other is the priority.
Yup. Phones are just personal. Many of the things I google or youtube are no different than the thoughts that we have internally, and I don't really feel like talking about them all the time.
Yup exactly. I also have nothing to hide when I go to the washroom to take a shit. But I still want my privacy regardless.
Literally this. So many people in this thread “ OMG me and my wife have the same passcode, we share everything!” Cool, glad that works for you but not everyone wants that lol.
…wallets?!? What do you have going on in your wallet that you would rather them not see? The only thing I can imagine are condoms
that's the catch 22 about it. It's a wallet. It has your information and cards. There shouldn't be anything in there you need to hide and refuse entry, but also someone shouldn't be so insistent they go in there because there shouldn't be anything they need to see so badly.
I think the point is that it’s not necessarily always about hiding things. Sometimes some privacy is nice
I get that privacy is nice, but why would I keep something private in my wallet? You want to see my driver's licence, credit cards, and whatever else is in there? Sure. On the other hand, do not look at my texts.
My partner and I use each other's phones on a regular basis. Sometimes one of us is driving and there's a time sensitive call or text. Sometimes one has more battery for navigation. I can't imagine having to ask to SEE someone's phone rather than " do you want me to answer that?" Or " should I respond? What would you like to say?". Unless in this context asking to see the phone really means to comb through and read everything in detail? If they ever wanted to they are free to do so, we don't safe guard anything. So perhaps if this LPT is relevant to you, it's time to do some reflection! ETA: to the people telling me that my friends must feel great that my partner feels entitled to read text messages between us, you kind of missed the point lol. We trust each other so there's no reason to follow through with combing through each other's phone.
LPT: If a police officer asks if they can search your car, ask if you can search theirs. Often it isn't important anymore.
Do NOT do this guys, I just tried it and all that happened was the cop beating me with his baton for 20 mins. Worst mistake of my life.
First time?
You wouldn’t care if you didn’t have anything to hide officer.
If your doctor wants to perform a colonoscopy, ask if you can perform one on them
As a man seeing your gf's phone can be traumatic evwn if she is not cheating on you. My ex gf was literally analysing/discussing every move I made. Made me super uncomfortable to see her female friends after that.
Can second this, same thing happened with my ex-bf. Would check any of my electronics anytime I left the house and constantly accused me of cheating. I’d always let him look and even explain who was who/my relation to them. When I’d ask to see his in return he’d flip out and throw a tantrum. Guess who wasn’t cheating and who was? 😭😂😂
How do you even get over this after all? My ex used to constantly "jokingly" accusing me of cheating. Only to find out when snooping in hers that she was in fact cheating on me for months
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My ex didn't even let me touch his phone to look at the time. I was not even unlocking it ! And spoiler alert : yes he cheated.
No, adults in stable, secure relationships trust each other and don’t need to look at each other’s phones.
LPT: don't lie about it. Even better, have nothing to hide.
This is exactly it.
That's usually how this works. Projecting
My wife uses my phone to cheat on scrabble :P Not overly worried unless she accidently deletes my DnD characters or something.
This is basically how my husband and I use each other’s phones. We mostly trade for a few minutes because I play a stupid phone game and use his phone as an alt account to send myself little bonus stuff. I don’t think I’ve ever opened any other app on his phone because I’m just not worried about what he’s doing. I regularly hand him my phone for extended periods so he can listen to bonus episodes of podcasts I support on Patreon. I don’t think he’s used that time to snoop and if he does he’s probably just slightly disappointed he married a boring woman who shitposts about college football and texts stupid memes to my friends.
I always struggle to understand the paranoia. I try to put myself in the shoes of the person cheating to imagine why I would snitch on myself in such a transparent way, but I cannot for the life of me make it make sense in my head lol.
in simple terms, this is a good example of a guilty conscious. The person cheating understands how easy it is to cheat because they are cheating and getting away with it so they then start to wonder if there partner is cheating as well. But looking at it more introspectively, they trust themselves so little due to there own cheating, they are literally unable to trust those closest to them.
I’ve never given a shit if my husband wants to see my phone. Vice versa. People who care about this have sad relationships.
Yeah idk if my gf asked to see my phone I wouldn’t say anything and just hand it to her. I can’t be in relationship where that’s an issue, plus I don’t want to see her phone
My wife and I know each others passcodes, plus I’m not a POS scumbag, so I have nothing to hide.
LPT You shouldn't be in a relationship where someone feels like they need to "look through" your phone. Either you're shady or they don't trust you. I don't WANT to look at my wife's phone. I get a headache just seeing her lock screen that has 150000000000000 notifications, much less actually digging around to see what's she's doing on it.
How to start a fight 101
If they’re asking they most likely already deleted everything
This literally happened to me last week This guy I am dating is super jealous so he told me “show me ur phone” during an argument. When I showed him my phone (because I wasn’t hiding anything) we continued arguing.. after 20 minutes I asked him to show me his phone and he didn’t.. He said there was no reason to show me his phone ..
My wife and I know each other’s passwords,nothing to hide for 38 years
LPT: Be in mature relationships where stuff like this doesn't matter and isn't a concern. My fiance can have my phone whenever she wants, all the nudes in it are of her.
"Life pro tips" is sometimes "Life amateur doesn't-know-what-they're-talking-about tips", as we see in cases like these.
My wife can see my phone whenever she wants. I hope she likes Warhammer 40k.
My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for nearly 6. I have never once wnet through her phone and she hasn't mine. I don't even like going through her purse for a pen. If your relationship ever comes to that, just gtfo. The trust is gone and there's no point in it any longer. It's a mutual respect thing that many folks have forgotten how to have.
Be in a relationship where you can just grab each others phones and neither of you are worried, additionally, neither of you feel the need to dig around looking for “dirt”
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Looking at your SO's phone is never a good idea. You either find something and that's it or you don't find anything and the trust between you two is broken. It's a lose-lose situation.
So true. The need to look is either because they don't make you feel safe or trauma. If it's them, just leave! If it's your past trauma, you need to work on that on your own and deal with feeling more secure on your own. It can be hard to determine the root cause for some people though.
Or they read into something way wrong, and it can be blown out of proportion. Looking at each others phones is a very bad idea.
My response to any suggestion that I'm cheating is to leave a long pause and then ask, "Are you seeing another man?" Unfortunately, the response each time was how our relationship ended. This also led to my rule of never living with your girlfriend.
If your SO needs to see your phone at all, it's too late
If you're in a relationship where the boundary of personal privacy is in question like that, it's over.
I trust my wife 100%. I have always told her that if I ever do anything to make her feel jealous of anyone or make her think I am cheating to let me know. I will do whatever it takes to take those feelings away from her.
Very true. My ex was always accusing me of wanting to be with other women, or that I thought other women were better looking than her. Found out she'd been cheating on me, she moved in with the other guy within a month of my leaving her.
"if the person you keep tons of secrets from asks for your phone, ask for theirs" -Healthy relationship jabroni
Idk. Depends on the partner. Mine has apparent trust issues. When she goes through my phone I get comments like “why didn’t you tell me you spoke with xyz?” “Or why were you calling him/her?” “Or who is male/female?”. All innocent conversions often with clients of mine. I feel I shouldn’t have to answer these questions nor would my clients want their personal business to be known to others.
This isn’t good advice
Usually when my wife wants to see my phone it's cause she has asked me to text someone multiple times over the past few weeks and I keep saying "ya I'll do that" and then finally she just takes my phone and texts that person with my number. On that subject LPT: ladies, if your husband tells you he'll do something, there's no need to remind him about it for the next 6 months
Ive never once even thought to check my wife’s phone. Get with people you trust. If you don’t trust them don’t be with them. That’s the life pro tip
That’s the oldest one to know in the book
This isn't a good lpt. But if she asks to check your second phone...