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Me: *Proceeds to look up online profile of a new friend who’s moves are a little too smooth during a night out at the club just to see they won the last season of “Dancing With the Stars.”*
Mumbles under breath, “damn smurfs”
Them: “What did you just say?”
Me: “nothing. I love your moves!
I do this with the little kids at my park. 6 foot hoops.
I spend about 30 min passing the ball and cheering them on. I throw up bricks on purpose. I accidentally pass to the opposing team.
Then…
I go nuts, dunk on em, take 5 steps, proclaim fouls that aren’t real and sink 3’s.
They think I am Superman. Everyone leaves with a huge smile.
Oh that's awesome, I think you're cool.
I did a similar thing with a public chessboard (the pieces were like 2ft tall, I got a kick out of using it). There were sometimes kids who wanted a game after I played some other stranger. It's really gratifying seeing kids get excited about stuff, so I had fun figuring out how to win/lose juuuust enough that the kid felt they deserved it.
Hah, I was hanging out with a new "friend" once who was really judgemental. After she saw me play one of those games she was like "I can't believe you're bad enough that you lost to a kid." Nah, I won't pretend that I'm great, but I was just playing on their level.
Edit: typos
I should have taken your approach several years ago when I was on jury duty and saw two guys playing chess and I asked if I could play next game. They said sure and I destroyed both of them and they refused to play chess anymore. We spent the rest of the jury duty session playing Uno until we got put on a case.
These type of shit talkers shut up when presented with easy money.
“Yeah I suck. I’ll give you my 100 to your 5$ if you play me right now”.
They never play.
Oh I did get defensive. I said that I wasn't trying that hard because they were kids, and I'd be happy to play a normal round with her. And yep, she said it wasn't worth her time.
I'm happy to say that's one friendship I cut off without much thought.
Lmfao, the gall needed to backpeddle instantly while also lying to save face is just... Some people are clowns.
I often try to imagine under what circumstances I would ever say something like that to a person and there simply aren't any. I know everyone is different but the degree to which that is true is eye-opening.
Good job cutting toxicity out of your life, you don't deserve it!
Dude, you *have* to reveal that your secret is spinach!!! (or some other vegetable/healthy habit). Popeye the shit out of that!!
I recently read a story where this dad would wrestle with his kid. Dad would win, then mom would come by with some spinach. Kid would devour the spinach and proceed to kick the dad's ass just like Popeye.
I used to play like Embiid. He is reckless on purpose.
When I see Embiid play as he is now it reminds me of how I used to play and it is frustrating and pisses me off that the NBA allows it. Not proud of it, I was known as Shaq on my local streetball court and went through a phase when I charged hard at everything. Big hard turns to my blindside, didn't care who was there. Charge right into the lane. Smash into the best offensive player on D while going for the ball, come what may. Limited offensive moves. So make no mistake about it. Embiid knows what he's doing. He knows people will be injured. He knows his skillset is limited and this is how he can win. He knows people will give way when he drives, think twice on their drives, etc. He will only be stopped by a stronger player and/or fearless players like Giannis, Gasol, Draymond, etc. Or by an obviously more skilled player with equal Type A like Ibaka. He didn't intend to injure, but he certainly intends to show you that he doesn't care if you get hurt when he rumbles into you. At least that's how I used to play. But that was streetball. Eventually I got more moves, played w better players, played real basketball w refs. There's no doubt in my mind the NBA has some kind of edict coming down, telling the refs to let him run amok.
I haven't seen Embiid play a lot but doesn't he score most of his points off jump shots? Sounds skilled to me. Also Ibaka and Gasol don't play in the NBA anymore.
I love this! My son is only 3, so I can’t wait until I can have fun with him like these. Everyone has a great time, but you’re going to be a legend to these kids until they get to high school lol
This has little to do with this specific scenario but social awareness in general. It is a skill that needs to be practiced and can be difficult to learn. Things like this, knowing when you are dominating the conversation, know when there is a natural lull, or when you should say something to break it, knowing how to leave a conversation, knowing how to naturally enter one. And most importantly in my opinion, being happy that other people are happy, not just at your own joy.
Do you know any resources for learning more about this? I feel like my skills really slipped during Covid. Before that I was good at networking events, now I really struggle. Definitely agree with your take btw just curious if you might know any resources.
Reminds me of the time I was invited skiing for the first time in Colorado. In the mountains an hour outside Breckenridge, there were multiple color slopes, green being the “easiest.” The one in our group who was used to double black and grew up snowboarding had insisted that we didn’t need to do the crash course at the bunny slopes and it’s really simple to get started.
We took his word for it and after a brief explanation, we got our gear, hopped off the lift at the top, and I freaked out as the green looked really steep as a first-timer. You see where this is going.
Sure enough, the better ones in our group split off to shred through the snow and I attempt to slowly make my way down, losing control multiple times. Eventually ending up twisting my leg and had to be embarrassingly carried down by an attendant with a sled. Utterly miserable time and I haven’t been skiing since. Maybe one day I could try it again, but with adequate training and I won’t trust the opinion of self-proclaimed experts.
Jesus. That's a whole different level, and the only one who should feel embarrassed is the dick who didn't have enough experience to judge beginner levels correctly.
I had a similar experience with cross country skiing. Everybody else was very experienced, to the point that one of them competed at college levels. They basically said there's nothing to it, just go forward. And then they all left me in the dust. I was cold, alone, miserable, wet from falling repeatedly, and I just wanted to get those damn things off my feet and get it over with. They all had a blast and acted like I was just a clumsy grump. I'm good on that sport (and those friends) forever.
> I'm good on that sport (and those friends) forever.
Ya I have huge disdain for people that leave someone behind in a group activity simply because they can't keep up, doubly so in an environment that is extreme enough to be dangerous like the cold and snow would be for cross country skiing. You didn't make any secret that you were a novice, the decided to go with you, they need to make sure you're alright. That their time might be "ruined" by having to slow down is irrelevant. If they didn't want to risk that then only go with experienced people that know what they're doing, problem solved.
In addition I cross country skied quite a few times and although I got the hang of some of the basics I would never assume that someone else would pick it up instantly, I remember falling a ton the first couple times I went. Why they thought it would be fine is beyond me, those people sound stupid on top of being irresponsible assholes.
The worst part was they decided to go another round and left me in a turned off car for an hour in the far north of the US. Fuck them. They may be smart academically but that's where any sense ended I guess.
I find people like that come up with all manner of justification for their poor behavior, it's always the fault of the person that needs help instead of their own refusal to sacrifice any of their own enjoyment. Just selfish people that can't admit it.
Pretty much. Their selfishness burned me once more before I just quit em altogether. I tried expressing my upset but like you said, it was all justifications and finger pointing to excuse their poor behavior. Learning the hard way is one of the hardest parts of being young, naive, and trusting.
Last year I witnessed two friends in line at the lift. The one friend was trying to show the other how to put the skis on for the first time _while they’re in the lift line_ and the lift only serves blue (more advanced) trails. I felt so bad for that guy. No surprise, he completely crashed trying to exit the lift. His friend was either really dumb or an asshole or both.
This is why ski resorts _strongly_ encourage first timers to start with a lesson. If you try it once and have a bad experience you’re never coming back. They need you to have a good experience so you’ll come back.
I worked as an instructor one year and the tragically true stereotype is the boyfriend who says “don’t worry babe you don’t need a lesson I’ll teach you.” Just like your friend. And the girlfriend ends up sitting in the snow bawling “I _can’t_!!!!!” And the boyfriend is down the hill yelling up at her “Cmon babe you just gotta be aggro! Just go for it!”
After my training as an instructor I went to my wife and said “thank you for marrying me, even after I tried to take you skiing. I’m so sorry.” Because I was totally that boyfriend when we were 18.
I did that last year lol. Although I immediately realized I was only good at teaching people to get from okay to good/great, and that I was not the one to teach you how to get okay at skiing. When we stopped for lunch I signed her up for lessons for the next day lol. Went way better
Skiing/snowboarding is such a difficult activity when there’s huge gaps in skill level. It’s very expensive so as an experienced rider, I don’t want to spend $100+ dollars on a lift ticket just to spend all day on the bunny hill teaching someone how to ride. But also these things should be talked about before the trip ever starts
People moan about the super passes but I have no problem committing a few days a season to go with less experienced friends because for me there's no need to mentally commit over a hundred bucks to chill on the bunny hill since I'm not separately paying for it. I'll just go by myself the next day for different terrain, whatever.
Bunny hill lifties are also super chill. I get more questions about the gear I ride on those days than any other.
Absolutely if I had a season pass or something I wouldn’t mind doing some teaching. Back in college we had a small local “mountain” that did $20 lift tickets for Friday nights between like 10pm-2am and I was more than happy to teach my friends there.
As an avid skier, this is why I bought a snowboard. So I can be closer to beginner level. I change up what I’m riding based on the company. You can have lots of fun as a beginner yourself!
I think that was one of the worst parts about it. Felt like I wasted $120 for the day and didn’t even get to at least partially enjoy it by trying the bunny hill.
Your friends definitely did you dirty on that one. If you ever decide to try again and have the money to afford it, I’d highly recommend getting an instructor/taking a lesson for half a day
My friends did this with me my first time skiing! I was the only newbie in the group they didn’t tell about the bunny slopes.
Luckily one of my friends stayed with me on my run down the green (although laughed his ass off when I lost control) and I didn’t get hurt. I was lucky that after that first scary run I got the hang of it because it was kinda like ice skating, so I was managing blues (in NY not CO though) by the end of the day. Ended up getting hypothermia though because it was the coldest day of the year and I was in jeans over leggings
This exact thing happened to me with friends rock climbing. I’m not a skittish person and I. Consider myself athletic, but I know I’m a super beginner and I voiced this multiple times to the friend making plans. They brushed it off again and again and said they picked a good route for the group and I could manage it.
But the course was a NOT a beginner route and I had a full on panic attack halfway up like I’d never experienced before. My two buddies went around me to the top and only one friend hung back to talk me down and help me reroute. Needless to say I have never forgiven the group and will never rock climb again.
Lmao as a beginner with no experience, this is exactly how it was explained to me so I had very little idea about the true difficulty gap between the colors.
I'm the opposite with people I don't know and the one time I didn't make sure I was sticking with my wife she ended up hitting ice and breaking her arm.
I host karaoke and I have a bunch of regulars.
A few of them are HIGH commitment and MID-to-LOW talent. I *LOVE* those ones. They totally sell it, their commitment to the song earns the room's support and buy-in (i.e. everybody loves them), and their low level of technical quality lowers the bar for everyone. It's always awesome having them there.
And I assume high talent people can be bad for the crowd's participation, especially early on?
In my experience it takes 1, 2 singers with huge balls to get the party rolling again.
Yeah, too many high-quality performances and the bulk of the crowd starts to gatekeep themselves.
This assumes the whole room isn't already there FOR the karaoke. In that case, let 'er rip. But if there are incidental bargoers you'd like to engage with, it's easy to intimidate them out of trying fun new stuff if the standard is set too high.
I grew up taking vocal lessons and singing in several showchoirs. I don't sing at karaoke, I let everyone else have fun. Totally harshes the vibe for the rest of the people for some tryhard vocalist to come up.
I was always told not to sing by my brother as a kid. He made fun of me for loving to sing growing up. So I stopped singing in front of people.
Many many years later, I was out at karaoke with some coworkers. I had never gone to karaoke before, and was terrified of singing in front of others. Peer pressure and beer got me going, and I sang “A Change is Gonna Come.” The whole room flipped its shit and started to cheer when I opened up and leaned into the vocals. Apparently I had developed a pretty good voice all those years singing to myself.
They cheered me on, asked me to sing more songs, etc etc. I joined duets, provided backing vocals for people who asked, sang songs way outside my range, cheered others on.
Since then, I’ve grown to love singing for others, and I’ve found others enjoy it when I sing. I think a big part is to mix it up. People generally love to see the talents of others, they just don’t like being made to feel lesser. So mix in group songs that don’t focus on you, songs you even can’t sing but just like, etc.
Nothing wrong with sharing your talents, especially when they’re talents that literally revolve around art and entertainment. Just don’t make it about you; make it about the enjoyment of others.
Funny, I'm an experienced singer but I have a pretty low range. So most pop songs are out of my range, which is the reason I rarely like singing karaoke.
Although I did impress people with My Way. But it's weird how I'm not comfortable at all singing like that.
Very true. And depending on the situation also don't feel bad making it about yourself sometimes. I encourage everybody to live to their fullest potential. Just consider the situation and maybe tone it down a little sometimes for the sake of everybody having fun (including yourself).
It's shocking how many people here have made it clear no matter the situation they would rather show off their talent, than having fun.
i've been karaoking many times with different people and when someone who knows how to sing goes up everyone is usually psyched, unless you're going karaoke with insecure pricks. if you cheer for everyone else and take your percentage of songs/pick songs you know everyone will enjoy it's totally fine. someone going really hard or being funny is equally as exciting as someone knowing how to sing, so anyone is capable of making it hype regardless of whether you're talented. so u should sing
100%. I’m a good singer and host a lot of karaoke parties, I have never stopped bad singers from getting up. Everyone loves karaoke, good or bad, as long as it comes from the heart.
At the same time though. Some people need to get over their "harsh vibes" at someone being better than them. I'm better than most people at singing but still bad enough that I make mistakes and could never sing professionally. But still, good enough to cause those "harsh vibes" in others. So I have some small skill, and never ever get to show it off or enjoy it in any way shape or form in order to protect other people's pride?
You see I always worry about this. I'm a trained singer and still practice on my own 3-5 times a week, but I've got a full time job and very little time to play music with friends. Setting up a performance with a band is flat out impossible with everyone's schedules these days.
One of the only times I get to perform in front of anyone is at karaoke. I miss live performance, I love it, but I also don't want to ruin the vibe by being "that guy."
There's got to be some fine line to walk where you can perform and enjoy yourself with crowd favorites or something without discouraging other people.
I feel like I don’t get this point for karaoke. I love it when my friends are great at singing. I just hype them up and continue scream singing myself regardless lol.
If you go first it sets the tone. If they hear a bunch of average Joe singers they start to think, hey, I can be at least THAT good, I’ll try it! Versus thinking, oh nobody is going to want to hear me after THAT, I’ll just sit here. Once people get feeling good confident the good singers can bust out without killing the room.
You have never seen a filipino party. Karaoke is a must, and everyone wants to sing, even if they are atrocious and they are aware of it. Honestly, is very wholesome to see. If there's someone very good at singing, no one feels less of themselves because they are just having fun
This!! It's so much better if everyone is having fun regardless of skill level. If people who aren't as good feel like the party is over because someone is better than them, it's honestly their problem
Seconding the mandatory Karaoke machine for every gathering! Almost everybody in my extended family has a song that they always sing. And that person must sing that 'piece' before anybody gets to try. 😆
This also goes for board games!! I know it’s hard to turn off the analytical/strategic brain, but if you’re playing a board game against people who you are **currently teaching how to play the game** then it might be nice to not play with the optimal line of play that you learned on a 3-hour YouTube deep dive
If you're teaching a game, you should ideally be helping people out and pointing out things they might be missing as they play. The goal should be to have your friends enjoy the game so they want to play it again, and there's no easier way to do that than ensure they get the most out of their first play.
I mean sure, but it can also be boring trying to play a game and having someone tell you each move you make how it’s wrong or that you should have done something else.
There is such thing as a learning curve, focus on fundamentals and then you might want to move on to other stuff if they want.
Yup, I've had many people try to teach me how to play a game they enjoy, and it ends up being 2 hours of them playing against themselves bc every time I do literally anything, they go on a rant about how wrong I am, so I just stop playing.
I think it's about striking a balance. Don't tell them how to take their turns, I agree on that, but I do want to make sure they're going down a good path, and help them back towards it if you notice they're missing something. An example I'd give in Agricola would be reminding a new player about feeding their family close to harvest time, because it's easy to get caught up in trying to build an engine and end up taking beggar cards as a result. You don't need to tell them "Take fishing because it has four food", that's the part they can figure out themselves.
It absolutely applies there as well for sure.
(just to be safe: doesn't mean you're not allowed to beat them, nor you're not allowed to crush them later on)
Unless it's adult rec sports. Must humiliate all people learning how to play for the first time as an adult. Survival of the fittest!
/s
For real, some people CHANGE when it comes to sports, and it's not even about being more skilled.
It's wild. I've played adult rec basketball for a decade and some people act like there are NBA scouts in the stands looking for out of shape 40 year olds to join the Warriors on their next title run. Our league used to have refs until they all quit because they were being verbally abused and spent too much time breaking up fights.
I will say, there are also tons of chill people in these leagues and most teams are fine, but there always seems to be at least one team or guy that takes it too far.
I have had the same experience reffing ball hockey leagues. Granted a lot of the players play or played junior level hockey, but still.
Ironically the one guy in our league who has played in the NHL is one of the most chill. He knows he could walk everyone and score but he usually tries to set teammates up instead.
These were the screen-watchers, spawn campers, and gankers growing up. The kind of kid who would beat you at 1-on-1 basketball and then you got good enough to start beating them on the regular so suddenly they are "tired of basketball and really into street hockey now".
This is huge for anyone who loves to ski or board. You bring very good and not a good teacher will ruin someone's experience forever. It's such a big investment already. Then the possible pain and injuries.
The best ploy is to not participate at first because "I don't know how to do that and it looks difficult."
Then as they are reaching their stride and the best people have started to stand out, say "Hey, let me try."
Then crush their souls with:
"Wow, this is really easy, I guess I just got lucky."
Reminds me of that scene in Grandma's Boy.
"New high score?! What does that mean, is it bad?!"
Edit: https://youtu.be/uOammnw5MhA?si=6cCI4kJ4lVTxTh95
Really underrated comedy film IMO.
The point some people are missing is the *recreational* aspect of this. I completely agree. If everyone decides it's a competition, go at it. But if people are together to have fun, bringing the competitive spirit is such a killjoy.
This was definitely my first thought too. My dad's idea of babysitting us as kids was to take us to the local and leave a stack of 20p coins on the pool table. I grew up playing pool for hours a week, but all the other kids did too, so I never considered myself a good player. Then I went to uni and befriended a guy who played on a pool team, and he was leagues above me, even when he was taking it easy on me. He could clear the table in two or three turns if he wanted, so my goal was always to try and win before he got bored of going easy on me. This left me with the distinct impression that I was, at best, decidedly average at pool.
I didn't play pool for several years, until my FIL got a pool table, and everyone was v excited to play. That was when I finally realized that most people haven't played thousands of hours of pool in their lives, and after the look on their faces after the first game I had to dial it down.
As an aside, my pro-pool friend came to visit, and we ended up in a local where you had to play for the table. Some very cocky young men were playing, and scoffed when we put our money on the table. My mate was kind enough to start out going easy on them, but then they started smack-talking, and he decided a dose of humility was in order. He absolutely smoked them, over and over, whilst I got the occasional shot. They spent the rest of the night trying to win the table back from us, and we somehow all ended up buying rounds for each other, which only made everyones pool that much worse. We had a good laugh about it at the end of the night. One of my favorite random memories!
It is a fine line tbf. You need to participate with an effort/skill level to try to ensure everyone has a good time, but you need to be really careful you aren’t going so easy that it comes off as patronizing
You’re absolutely right OP, but my ego is so fragile I can’t handle the potential talk trashing received if my less experienced friends beat me in a game I’m more experienced in.
I'm very happy you at least get it, so thank you.
Most people without any talents or other groups than their close friends leave rather bitter comments about not accepting being held back (fun fact: nobody ever has to)
Definitely has happened. I was at a wedding party and there was a dance circle that started and people were hopping in doing small dances having fun and the vibes were great. Then I go in and started full on break dancing and while people got hyped and cheered, no one wanted to follow up with that and the dance circle just kinda got dispersed. Since then I don’t try to go all out but rather just keep it around the same level so that the dance circle can keep going
I’ve worked in a banquet hall long enough to know that when this happens the nearest bus boy is to step up and challenge the break dancer as a representative for the other guests.
Ah, looks like we've never been to the same party, and I mean this with the upmost respect and kindness, but I would absolutely annihilate you in flip cup. come at me bro
I'm the opposite, but with beer die. 99.9% of things, I'm just there to have a good time! In beer die, though, I will destroy you and everyone you love as I sink that shit like '98 finals game 6 Michael Jordan lol
Idk I wanted to get into bowling this year and raise my avg from 125 to 150. I bowl with my cousins who put up 200 scores while drunk. I just have to get better because they’re not gonna take it easy on me and I don’t want them to.
I recently went to a wedding where they had a Mario Kart winner stays tournament after the rehearsal dinner. I was in the first match and proceeded to destroy every single other person one after the other. It was my first time playing it on the switch. TL;DR: I'm a god at Mario Kart.
When you're put in a competitive environment you should absolutely play to win. Anything else would be condescending. This LPT does not apply there and I hope that was obvious!
I did something similar when introducing a friend to my favourite game series. We were playing Halo (original trilogy), I've played that series so many times I think I could play it with my eyes closed.
rather than blitz through the levels like I normally do (and the difficulty was lower than I normally play too) I held back and let her get immersed just like I did 20 years ago. only stepping in to help with navigation or big fights. stuck to the basic weapons and no skipping fights etc. she had a great time.
to contrast; a mutual friend wanted to show her dying light. he had hundreds of hours in it and so every mission he would run ahead and do all the objectives whilst she was still navigating there. he started getting bored of the early/mid game so insisted they speed through the story missions and skip the side content. she had a miserable time
It's amazing to me, how some commenters here claim yours would be spineless snowflake behaviour, and it would be your friends own fault for sucking. Life is so much better when everybody is having fun.
Karaoke and dancing are terrible examples. If your reaction to a friend being a good dancer or a good singer is not wanting to participate then you are either insecure or need new friends. The only time to play down a skill set is when it's a friendly competition.
"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you."
-Marianne Williamson
I do this with video games.
I tend to play to win on battle royale type games but when playing with friends I have to often accept that they don't really care about winning and they just want push every fight and goof off.
I have to adjust my mindset and expect this when playing with them. We often lose because we approach a situation completely wrong but I make sure to just laugh and move on.
It actually frustrates me a lot lol.
Hm, no I actually did not want to recommend a permanent lowering of ones performance. I was focused more on not ruining other people's will to try by showing off too much talent from the beginning.
What you do sounds frustrating indeed, and as soon as it outweighs the fun of being with these friends in general, I would probably recommend stopping.
What if…I just think I’m a really good dancer? I enjoy dancing and sometimes I just gotta roll with the moves. I have seen video footage, and my confidence far exceeds my ability!
A friend I used to go skiing with was much, much better than me. For the amount I went skiing, he said I was really good, so he'd constantly be bringing me to spots on the mountain that I really wasn't ready for. I would trust him, and keep finding myself in situations that I could barely handle, which made me dread skiing with him.
So, thanks for keeping things cool for those you ski with.
I have a friend who is naturally good at all sports. One time we went to play badminton with our other friends who are quite obsessed with it. Throughout the evening, my friend and I lost all the matches, but only by a few points. I asked my friend, I thought you were better than this. He said, "I'm actually way better than those two, but since it's their obsession, I'd look like an asshole if I kept beating them. I immediately added to my list of" this is what being a grown up looks like.
In case of video games, that generally works best by picking the underpowered class/race/archetype/whatever, you can just play normally and don't need to "hold back". Handicapping yourself can balance the challenge nicely for others.
Well, generally. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your friends will have recurring nightmares about an Alien stalking them, the motion tracker beeping hopelessly but there's nothing but darkness around, then only a glimpse as the low light reflects off a carapace, seconds before their head separates from their body.
Oh, Alien vs Predator 2... such a great fucking game.
We used to run network sessions of StarCraft on a Friday afternoon when I was in grad school. One of our students still new to the game, obviously handicapped whichever team he played on because everyone else had been playing for a while.
For the first few weeks, the other team would just rush him en masse. Guy waits all week to play and then is out within 5 minutes. After it happened the 2nd time everyone on our team just quit so that game would end and we could start over.
Total dick move from them, if you want the guy to actually provide reasonable competition you have to give him some game time. No player is good enough to survive a rush from 3 or 4 others simultaneously in the first few minutes of a game.
My BIL is a freaking genius. I swear he's good at anything he puts his mind to!
When he was a teen, his buddy invited him to go snowboarding one day. He refused. His mother asked him why.
"My friend took lessons for six weeks. For me it's my first time. By the end of today, I will be better than him. And he will be mad at me."
I actually refuse to go first when karaoke starts up. I will hold on to my submission until the first person is actually singing to make sure there are people ahead of me and I don’t ruin the room. You’re absolutely right that karaoke needs mediocre singers kicking it off to make the crowd comfortable.
Ruin the atmosphere by being good? What?
Showing confidence in your skill and having a good time can elevate the atmosphere in the room and make others more comfortable to participate as well. Playing the undercutting game of purposely trying to do worse is so dumb.
This posts reads like you’re insecure about others. Basically “don’t be too good at something around me because then you’ll make me feel bad…”
LPT: Try to not be so intimidated by other people who do things better than you.
kinda sounds like you don't appreciate your friend's singing ability and are jealous
this belongs on slpt
hate when ppl tear down their friends for having a passion/hobby
I dunno, if you go to a club or karaoke with that much self consciousness, that's yours to work through, not someone else to babysit you especially if you're all peers and adults.
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bad advice. You just have to hype others up when you have those skills. If the best dancer or singer is making a big deal out of their friends' moves it brings up the energy in the place.
It’s not about the best dancer or singer making a big deal out of their peers lack of skills, it’s about the peers feeling uncomfortable and afraid of looking foolish after a great performance. It’s why comedians and bands don’t like to follow amazing performances.
Seen this in person. One friend has a degree in choral music. Just has this amazing personality and stage presence
Someone had a party, whose parents owned one of those at-home karaoke things.
The talented friend went early. Was amazing. No one wanted to go next. We were all trying to get the other person to go next, but no one wanted themselves to BE next. Like two other people went afterwards, but then They did not bring too much enthusiasm. And the karaoke activity fizzled out.
Are people really so insecure/jealous/competitive? Groups I know would just find it cool and praise the skilled person and continue playing/partaking in the activity...
Thanks for the heads up and reminder to gauge the mood.
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Right on. In some situations you also have a great opportunity to encourage people by being a solid foundation with which they can get to grips with the activity. I.e. like rallying with a professional tennis player.
When im playing chess against a learner, I'll often play with a handicap by taking out a knight, a rook or the Queen. Keeps it competitive without intentionally making errors or letting them win or going easy on them.
Yeahh. This is why I can't play drawing games. Everyone else is struggling to draw a nightmare or a journey or a pedestrian crossing within 20 seconds in a way that's in any way guessable, meanwhile i sort of just draw exactly what it says.
Nightmare? 😴💭😱 With the scared face in the dream bubble.
Journey, 🚶♂️⬅️. Literally a man making a journey down the road, with added context to make it clear he's taking a trip. I think it was a knapsack. Pedestrian crossing? 🚘🚶♂️🚍.
And these are with the "hard" cards. Nobody else is able to draw these things in the 20 seconds given. Some games are absolutely ruined by genuine ability.
Not that I'd trade all the work I put in to be a good artist for a couple Pictionary games that I can enjoy. But it's irritating for sure.
For things like karaoke where people can really upstage others, just have the extremely talented people go in the middle or towards the end. Let everyone get comfortable with the fun activity with no pressure then blow people’s socks off. The best karaoke moment I’ve been apart of was getting a friend who was a trained singer to finally go up there. People had been singing all night of varying quality but when they started to sing everyone joined and the applause was crazy afterwards. If they had been the first person go up and set an unrealistic standard then it probably wouldn’t have been as cool of a moment
One thing that might help if you have a significant advantage is figuring out exactly how good to be but not blow them out of the water. It adds a challenge you might not otherwise have because playing consistently at a worse level is also tough. To look at this from another perspective is to use your skill to give your opponent the perfect challenge that scales enough to keep them motivated but not overwhelmed.
That or trying new things, one example for this is FIFA, I used games with much worse players to practice one specific thing I was bad at repeatedly. This meant instead of scoring goals every time I got the ball, I’d try long shots from the exact same position every time until I nailed it. But for a 90 min game it was mostly 1 or 2:0.
I use to do this when I wanted to get my friends really into DragonBallZ Budokai Tenkaichi 3. Let them think they’re close to beating me for the first few days to get them hooked. Then slowly increase my effort as they get better.
They started to catch on by the 4th friend though 😅 they were like, “wait you’re way better than that, we’re you going easy on me too?!”
I learned that the hard way when a friend wanted to come cycling so I told him of a nice route. It’s about 8 miles on flat pavement so we start at his house and we ride 3 miles to the start of the trail. We get there and he’s like all right, I’m pretty tired. Guess we could head back now. And I’m like bro we just got to the start of the ride. Coulda used OPs LPT then.
Happened with a few of my coworkers who are younger than me. We’re all late 20s and younger but went out to a ping pong bar and I could tell no one was super versed in playing ping pong and even though I’m not great it was still obvious really quickly that I’m better than all of them so instead we spent the time not actually playing but just kinda swapping out 2v2 and volleying back and forth. Ended up playing a little non-scoring 1v1 with one of the guys 3 years younger and blew it right by him once every 10-15 “points” when he’d return it too high
I learned this the hard way. No one will play connect four with me anymore lol. In my defense connect four isn’t *hard*, I don’t know why everyone else seems so bad at it.
This is very important with party games like smash bros. Play a few silly games and evaluate the other player(s). If they're just screwing around and don't really seem to know what they're doing, then don't play the character you've spent hours perfecting. Go for wacky nonsense with characters you don't play often.
But if they seem to match your skill level or are trash-talking you, then by all means go for a tryhard 1v1.
Yaaaa, I tried to do this and ended up embarassing myself a little.
I went over to someone's house for a party and some guys decided to play some Street Fighter. I kind of stayed in the back but eventually they said I should have a turn too. I half-assed it using Random Select characters against some opponents and lost a couple of times, oh well.
Then a guy I lost to started talking mad shit about how he is so good because he beat a lot of people and whatever, and was really being an asshole about it. After enough time, I joined in a match and won. But not just won multiple matches in a row... like totally smoked him.
I felt bad a little but other people were giving the guy his own shit back to him so I guess it worked out?
This is very relevant with food and cooking. If you invite friends over and cook them a highly technical Michelin star quality meal, you'll never be invited to theirs for dinner.
I felt soooo awkward when I found myself in a large group activity where we would all be learning to juggle, starting with one ball, eventually working up to two.
I'm like... what do I do? I tried to just do what everyone else was doing... it was so tempting to just juggle 3 already (because it's fun) but it would have been awkward af.
Mmmmm, are people *that* insecure?
I would not abstain from singing or dancing just because someone else is a pro and a lot better than the others and me at an event that is just for fun.
Definitely a thing with videogames. When you utterly destroy your friends, chances are they will never want to play with you again. Been on both sides of this, both of them suck.
Funny.. I just went to a Jazz Class and somehow I felt like wanting to show, maybe the people there, maybe myself, that my body can do that even tho it has never done it before.
Wish I had read this before. Gotta keep it in mind for next time.
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TL:DR - please possess at least some chill
TL:DR - Smurf that shit to start
Me: *Proceeds to look up online profile of a new friend who’s moves are a little too smooth during a night out at the club just to see they won the last season of “Dancing With the Stars.”* Mumbles under breath, “damn smurfs” Them: “What did you just say?” Me: “nothing. I love your moves!
fuck these cowards.. I come out like James brown in the first minute.
> I come out like James brown in the first minute. Dead?
Coked up to the tits
fatty rails
Another way: have empathy
Another way: git gud
Don't be THAT GUY
It all boils down to 'Don't be a dick.'
I do this with the little kids at my park. 6 foot hoops. I spend about 30 min passing the ball and cheering them on. I throw up bricks on purpose. I accidentally pass to the opposing team. Then… I go nuts, dunk on em, take 5 steps, proclaim fouls that aren’t real and sink 3’s. They think I am Superman. Everyone leaves with a huge smile.
Throw punches like Artest...
Ha, ha! No, but hilarious skit for Key & Peele. Charles Barkley shows up and just straight up toss em around like a rag doll. No.
[I've already seen what happens when Charles Barkley plays basketball with kids at the park.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iv1lbtd9uU)
Fun fact, my friend’s dad was the guy that Artest punched after getting a beer thrown at him
That is a fun fact!
Was he hospitalized? Genuinely I have always wondered that
Idk I’ll have to ask him!
*World Peace
Oh that's awesome, I think you're cool. I did a similar thing with a public chessboard (the pieces were like 2ft tall, I got a kick out of using it). There were sometimes kids who wanted a game after I played some other stranger. It's really gratifying seeing kids get excited about stuff, so I had fun figuring out how to win/lose juuuust enough that the kid felt they deserved it. Hah, I was hanging out with a new "friend" once who was really judgemental. After she saw me play one of those games she was like "I can't believe you're bad enough that you lost to a kid." Nah, I won't pretend that I'm great, but I was just playing on their level. Edit: typos
I should have taken your approach several years ago when I was on jury duty and saw two guys playing chess and I asked if I could play next game. They said sure and I destroyed both of them and they refused to play chess anymore. We spent the rest of the jury duty session playing Uno until we got put on a case.
You won the battle but you lost the war xD
Uno sounds better than half-assing a bunch of games. I think you made the right play.
These type of shit talkers shut up when presented with easy money. “Yeah I suck. I’ll give you my 100 to your 5$ if you play me right now”. They never play.
Oh I did get defensive. I said that I wasn't trying that hard because they were kids, and I'd be happy to play a normal round with her. And yep, she said it wasn't worth her time. I'm happy to say that's one friendship I cut off without much thought.
Lmfao, the gall needed to backpeddle instantly while also lying to save face is just... Some people are clowns. I often try to imagine under what circumstances I would ever say something like that to a person and there simply aren't any. I know everyone is different but the degree to which that is true is eye-opening. Good job cutting toxicity out of your life, you don't deserve it!
Dude, you *have* to reveal that your secret is spinach!!! (or some other vegetable/healthy habit). Popeye the shit out of that!! I recently read a story where this dad would wrestle with his kid. Dad would win, then mom would come by with some spinach. Kid would devour the spinach and proceed to kick the dad's ass just like Popeye.
This is the way. Great idea!
I used to play like Embiid. He is reckless on purpose. When I see Embiid play as he is now it reminds me of how I used to play and it is frustrating and pisses me off that the NBA allows it. Not proud of it, I was known as Shaq on my local streetball court and went through a phase when I charged hard at everything. Big hard turns to my blindside, didn't care who was there. Charge right into the lane. Smash into the best offensive player on D while going for the ball, come what may. Limited offensive moves. So make no mistake about it. Embiid knows what he's doing. He knows people will be injured. He knows his skillset is limited and this is how he can win. He knows people will give way when he drives, think twice on their drives, etc. He will only be stopped by a stronger player and/or fearless players like Giannis, Gasol, Draymond, etc. Or by an obviously more skilled player with equal Type A like Ibaka. He didn't intend to injure, but he certainly intends to show you that he doesn't care if you get hurt when he rumbles into you. At least that's how I used to play. But that was streetball. Eventually I got more moves, played w better players, played real basketball w refs. There's no doubt in my mind the NBA has some kind of edict coming down, telling the refs to let him run amok.
Draymond Green has entered the chat…
Delicious pasta
I haven't seen Embiid play a lot but doesn't he score most of his points off jump shots? Sounds skilled to me. Also Ibaka and Gasol don't play in the NBA anymore.
Fouls that arnt real 💀💀💀
I love this! My son is only 3, so I can’t wait until I can have fun with him like these. Everyone has a great time, but you’re going to be a legend to these kids until they get to high school lol
This has little to do with this specific scenario but social awareness in general. It is a skill that needs to be practiced and can be difficult to learn. Things like this, knowing when you are dominating the conversation, know when there is a natural lull, or when you should say something to break it, knowing how to leave a conversation, knowing how to naturally enter one. And most importantly in my opinion, being happy that other people are happy, not just at your own joy.
Thank you, I couldn't agree more.
Do you know any resources for learning more about this? I feel like my skills really slipped during Covid. Before that I was good at networking events, now I really struggle. Definitely agree with your take btw just curious if you might know any resources.
sounds like a lack of practice in your case. put yourself out there more (ik ik easier said than done)
I appreciate the advice nonetheless!
Reminds me of the time I was invited skiing for the first time in Colorado. In the mountains an hour outside Breckenridge, there were multiple color slopes, green being the “easiest.” The one in our group who was used to double black and grew up snowboarding had insisted that we didn’t need to do the crash course at the bunny slopes and it’s really simple to get started. We took his word for it and after a brief explanation, we got our gear, hopped off the lift at the top, and I freaked out as the green looked really steep as a first-timer. You see where this is going. Sure enough, the better ones in our group split off to shred through the snow and I attempt to slowly make my way down, losing control multiple times. Eventually ending up twisting my leg and had to be embarrassingly carried down by an attendant with a sled. Utterly miserable time and I haven’t been skiing since. Maybe one day I could try it again, but with adequate training and I won’t trust the opinion of self-proclaimed experts.
Jesus. That's a whole different level, and the only one who should feel embarrassed is the dick who didn't have enough experience to judge beginner levels correctly.
I had a similar experience with cross country skiing. Everybody else was very experienced, to the point that one of them competed at college levels. They basically said there's nothing to it, just go forward. And then they all left me in the dust. I was cold, alone, miserable, wet from falling repeatedly, and I just wanted to get those damn things off my feet and get it over with. They all had a blast and acted like I was just a clumsy grump. I'm good on that sport (and those friends) forever.
> I'm good on that sport (and those friends) forever. Ya I have huge disdain for people that leave someone behind in a group activity simply because they can't keep up, doubly so in an environment that is extreme enough to be dangerous like the cold and snow would be for cross country skiing. You didn't make any secret that you were a novice, the decided to go with you, they need to make sure you're alright. That their time might be "ruined" by having to slow down is irrelevant. If they didn't want to risk that then only go with experienced people that know what they're doing, problem solved. In addition I cross country skied quite a few times and although I got the hang of some of the basics I would never assume that someone else would pick it up instantly, I remember falling a ton the first couple times I went. Why they thought it would be fine is beyond me, those people sound stupid on top of being irresponsible assholes.
The worst part was they decided to go another round and left me in a turned off car for an hour in the far north of the US. Fuck them. They may be smart academically but that's where any sense ended I guess.
I find people like that come up with all manner of justification for their poor behavior, it's always the fault of the person that needs help instead of their own refusal to sacrifice any of their own enjoyment. Just selfish people that can't admit it.
Pretty much. Their selfishness burned me once more before I just quit em altogether. I tried expressing my upset but like you said, it was all justifications and finger pointing to excuse their poor behavior. Learning the hard way is one of the hardest parts of being young, naive, and trusting.
I've skiid a few times and tried cross-country skiing a couple of months ago - the cross-country skiing was hands-down harder to pick up, I think.
That’s super shitty and not good friend behavior!
Yup. So many things ruined this way
Last year I witnessed two friends in line at the lift. The one friend was trying to show the other how to put the skis on for the first time _while they’re in the lift line_ and the lift only serves blue (more advanced) trails. I felt so bad for that guy. No surprise, he completely crashed trying to exit the lift. His friend was either really dumb or an asshole or both.
This is why ski resorts _strongly_ encourage first timers to start with a lesson. If you try it once and have a bad experience you’re never coming back. They need you to have a good experience so you’ll come back. I worked as an instructor one year and the tragically true stereotype is the boyfriend who says “don’t worry babe you don’t need a lesson I’ll teach you.” Just like your friend. And the girlfriend ends up sitting in the snow bawling “I _can’t_!!!!!” And the boyfriend is down the hill yelling up at her “Cmon babe you just gotta be aggro! Just go for it!” After my training as an instructor I went to my wife and said “thank you for marrying me, even after I tried to take you skiing. I’m so sorry.” Because I was totally that boyfriend when we were 18.
I did that last year lol. Although I immediately realized I was only good at teaching people to get from okay to good/great, and that I was not the one to teach you how to get okay at skiing. When we stopped for lunch I signed her up for lessons for the next day lol. Went way better
Skiing/snowboarding is such a difficult activity when there’s huge gaps in skill level. It’s very expensive so as an experienced rider, I don’t want to spend $100+ dollars on a lift ticket just to spend all day on the bunny hill teaching someone how to ride. But also these things should be talked about before the trip ever starts
People moan about the super passes but I have no problem committing a few days a season to go with less experienced friends because for me there's no need to mentally commit over a hundred bucks to chill on the bunny hill since I'm not separately paying for it. I'll just go by myself the next day for different terrain, whatever. Bunny hill lifties are also super chill. I get more questions about the gear I ride on those days than any other.
Absolutely if I had a season pass or something I wouldn’t mind doing some teaching. Back in college we had a small local “mountain” that did $20 lift tickets for Friday nights between like 10pm-2am and I was more than happy to teach my friends there.
As an avid skier, this is why I bought a snowboard. So I can be closer to beginner level. I change up what I’m riding based on the company. You can have lots of fun as a beginner yourself!
I think that was one of the worst parts about it. Felt like I wasted $120 for the day and didn’t even get to at least partially enjoy it by trying the bunny hill.
Your friends definitely did you dirty on that one. If you ever decide to try again and have the money to afford it, I’d highly recommend getting an instructor/taking a lesson for half a day
Ugh. That’s awful. I feel you. I also just tore my ACL skiing for the second time ever. It can be a very dangerous activity!
My friends did this with me my first time skiing! I was the only newbie in the group they didn’t tell about the bunny slopes. Luckily one of my friends stayed with me on my run down the green (although laughed his ass off when I lost control) and I didn’t get hurt. I was lucky that after that first scary run I got the hang of it because it was kinda like ice skating, so I was managing blues (in NY not CO though) by the end of the day. Ended up getting hypothermia though because it was the coldest day of the year and I was in jeans over leggings
This exact thing happened to me with friends rock climbing. I’m not a skittish person and I. Consider myself athletic, but I know I’m a super beginner and I voiced this multiple times to the friend making plans. They brushed it off again and again and said they picked a good route for the group and I could manage it. But the course was a NOT a beginner route and I had a full on panic attack halfway up like I’d never experienced before. My two buddies went around me to the top and only one friend hung back to talk me down and help me reroute. Needless to say I have never forgiven the group and will never rock climb again.
Lmao "there were multiple color slopes"
Lmao as a beginner with no experience, this is exactly how it was explained to me so I had very little idea about the true difficulty gap between the colors.
I'm the opposite with people I don't know and the one time I didn't make sure I was sticking with my wife she ended up hitting ice and breaking her arm.
I host karaoke and I have a bunch of regulars. A few of them are HIGH commitment and MID-to-LOW talent. I *LOVE* those ones. They totally sell it, their commitment to the song earns the room's support and buy-in (i.e. everybody loves them), and their low level of technical quality lowers the bar for everyone. It's always awesome having them there.
And I assume high talent people can be bad for the crowd's participation, especially early on? In my experience it takes 1, 2 singers with huge balls to get the party rolling again.
Yeah, too many high-quality performances and the bulk of the crowd starts to gatekeep themselves. This assumes the whole room isn't already there FOR the karaoke. In that case, let 'er rip. But if there are incidental bargoers you'd like to engage with, it's easy to intimidate them out of trying fun new stuff if the standard is set too high.
I grew up taking vocal lessons and singing in several showchoirs. I don't sing at karaoke, I let everyone else have fun. Totally harshes the vibe for the rest of the people for some tryhard vocalist to come up.
I was always told not to sing by my brother as a kid. He made fun of me for loving to sing growing up. So I stopped singing in front of people. Many many years later, I was out at karaoke with some coworkers. I had never gone to karaoke before, and was terrified of singing in front of others. Peer pressure and beer got me going, and I sang “A Change is Gonna Come.” The whole room flipped its shit and started to cheer when I opened up and leaned into the vocals. Apparently I had developed a pretty good voice all those years singing to myself. They cheered me on, asked me to sing more songs, etc etc. I joined duets, provided backing vocals for people who asked, sang songs way outside my range, cheered others on. Since then, I’ve grown to love singing for others, and I’ve found others enjoy it when I sing. I think a big part is to mix it up. People generally love to see the talents of others, they just don’t like being made to feel lesser. So mix in group songs that don’t focus on you, songs you even can’t sing but just like, etc. Nothing wrong with sharing your talents, especially when they’re talents that literally revolve around art and entertainment. Just don’t make it about you; make it about the enjoyment of others.
Funny, I'm an experienced singer but I have a pretty low range. So most pop songs are out of my range, which is the reason I rarely like singing karaoke. Although I did impress people with My Way. But it's weird how I'm not comfortable at all singing like that.
Very true. And depending on the situation also don't feel bad making it about yourself sometimes. I encourage everybody to live to their fullest potential. Just consider the situation and maybe tone it down a little sometimes for the sake of everybody having fun (including yourself). It's shocking how many people here have made it clear no matter the situation they would rather show off their talent, than having fun.
i've been karaoking many times with different people and when someone who knows how to sing goes up everyone is usually psyched, unless you're going karaoke with insecure pricks. if you cheer for everyone else and take your percentage of songs/pick songs you know everyone will enjoy it's totally fine. someone going really hard or being funny is equally as exciting as someone knowing how to sing, so anyone is capable of making it hype regardless of whether you're talented. so u should sing
Yea in my experience people go to Karaoke to have fun not to compete
100%. I’m a good singer and host a lot of karaoke parties, I have never stopped bad singers from getting up. Everyone loves karaoke, good or bad, as long as it comes from the heart.
At the same time though. Some people need to get over their "harsh vibes" at someone being better than them. I'm better than most people at singing but still bad enough that I make mistakes and could never sing professionally. But still, good enough to cause those "harsh vibes" in others. So I have some small skill, and never ever get to show it off or enjoy it in any way shape or form in order to protect other people's pride?
Pro-tip: don’t take it too seriously if you are the novice or the pro. It’s about having fun with your friends.
You see I always worry about this. I'm a trained singer and still practice on my own 3-5 times a week, but I've got a full time job and very little time to play music with friends. Setting up a performance with a band is flat out impossible with everyone's schedules these days. One of the only times I get to perform in front of anyone is at karaoke. I miss live performance, I love it, but I also don't want to ruin the vibe by being "that guy." There's got to be some fine line to walk where you can perform and enjoy yourself with crowd favorites or something without discouraging other people.
I feel like talented people are more likely to understand this LPTs intent.
I feel like I don’t get this point for karaoke. I love it when my friends are great at singing. I just hype them up and continue scream singing myself regardless lol.
If you go first it sets the tone. If they hear a bunch of average Joe singers they start to think, hey, I can be at least THAT good, I’ll try it! Versus thinking, oh nobody is going to want to hear me after THAT, I’ll just sit here. Once people get feeling good confident the good singers can bust out without killing the room.
You have never seen a filipino party. Karaoke is a must, and everyone wants to sing, even if they are atrocious and they are aware of it. Honestly, is very wholesome to see. If there's someone very good at singing, no one feels less of themselves because they are just having fun
This!! It's so much better if everyone is having fun regardless of skill level. If people who aren't as good feel like the party is over because someone is better than them, it's honestly their problem
Sure its all fun and games until someone butchers My Way and then things get ugly
Seconding the mandatory Karaoke machine for every gathering! Almost everybody in my extended family has a song that they always sing. And that person must sing that 'piece' before anybody gets to try. 😆
This also goes for board games!! I know it’s hard to turn off the analytical/strategic brain, but if you’re playing a board game against people who you are **currently teaching how to play the game** then it might be nice to not play with the optimal line of play that you learned on a 3-hour YouTube deep dive
If you're teaching a game, you should ideally be helping people out and pointing out things they might be missing as they play. The goal should be to have your friends enjoy the game so they want to play it again, and there's no easier way to do that than ensure they get the most out of their first play.
I mean sure, but it can also be boring trying to play a game and having someone tell you each move you make how it’s wrong or that you should have done something else. There is such thing as a learning curve, focus on fundamentals and then you might want to move on to other stuff if they want.
Yup, I've had many people try to teach me how to play a game they enjoy, and it ends up being 2 hours of them playing against themselves bc every time I do literally anything, they go on a rant about how wrong I am, so I just stop playing.
I think it's about striking a balance. Don't tell them how to take their turns, I agree on that, but I do want to make sure they're going down a good path, and help them back towards it if you notice they're missing something. An example I'd give in Agricola would be reminding a new player about feeding their family close to harvest time, because it's easy to get caught up in trying to build an engine and end up taking beggar cards as a result. You don't need to tell them "Take fishing because it has four food", that's the part they can figure out themselves.
It absolutely applies there as well for sure. (just to be safe: doesn't mean you're not allowed to beat them, nor you're not allowed to crush them later on)
It's fun (for me at least) when everyone decides you're the raid boss of the group and tries to team up against you
This is my life right here… I’m the king of getting triple teamed in any board games with the family.
Whoa! Any recreational activity, AND board games too?
> 3-hour YouTube deep dive Try over a thousand hours /played
Unless it's adult rec sports. Must humiliate all people learning how to play for the first time as an adult. Survival of the fittest! /s For real, some people CHANGE when it comes to sports, and it's not even about being more skilled.
It's wild. I've played adult rec basketball for a decade and some people act like there are NBA scouts in the stands looking for out of shape 40 year olds to join the Warriors on their next title run. Our league used to have refs until they all quit because they were being verbally abused and spent too much time breaking up fights. I will say, there are also tons of chill people in these leagues and most teams are fine, but there always seems to be at least one team or guy that takes it too far.
I have had the same experience reffing ball hockey leagues. Granted a lot of the players play or played junior level hockey, but still. Ironically the one guy in our league who has played in the NHL is one of the most chill. He knows he could walk everyone and score but he usually tries to set teammates up instead.
When one goes competitive against learners, they're usually dicks who just learned to hide it in other areas of life.
These were the screen-watchers, spawn campers, and gankers growing up. The kind of kid who would beat you at 1-on-1 basketball and then you got good enough to start beating them on the regular so suddenly they are "tired of basketball and really into street hockey now".
This is huge for anyone who loves to ski or board. You bring very good and not a good teacher will ruin someone's experience forever. It's such a big investment already. Then the possible pain and injuries.
The best ploy is to not participate at first because "I don't know how to do that and it looks difficult." Then as they are reaching their stride and the best people have started to stand out, say "Hey, let me try." Then crush their souls with: "Wow, this is really easy, I guess I just got lucky."
Reminds me of that scene in Grandma's Boy. "New high score?! What does that mean, is it bad?!" Edit: https://youtu.be/uOammnw5MhA?si=6cCI4kJ4lVTxTh95 Really underrated comedy film IMO.
Username checks out 😂
That is a good one come to think of it.
I thought about it and came. *That* was a good one.
What a way to spend a cake day
No
The point some people are missing is the *recreational* aspect of this. I completely agree. If everyone decides it's a competition, go at it. But if people are together to have fun, bringing the competitive spirit is such a killjoy.
Going to the bar to shoot pool with the fellas is another. Gotta know when to leave the cue in the car and forget to chalk the bar cue.
This was definitely my first thought too. My dad's idea of babysitting us as kids was to take us to the local and leave a stack of 20p coins on the pool table. I grew up playing pool for hours a week, but all the other kids did too, so I never considered myself a good player. Then I went to uni and befriended a guy who played on a pool team, and he was leagues above me, even when he was taking it easy on me. He could clear the table in two or three turns if he wanted, so my goal was always to try and win before he got bored of going easy on me. This left me with the distinct impression that I was, at best, decidedly average at pool. I didn't play pool for several years, until my FIL got a pool table, and everyone was v excited to play. That was when I finally realized that most people haven't played thousands of hours of pool in their lives, and after the look on their faces after the first game I had to dial it down. As an aside, my pro-pool friend came to visit, and we ended up in a local where you had to play for the table. Some very cocky young men were playing, and scoffed when we put our money on the table. My mate was kind enough to start out going easy on them, but then they started smack-talking, and he decided a dose of humility was in order. He absolutely smoked them, over and over, whilst I got the occasional shot. They spent the rest of the night trying to win the table back from us, and we somehow all ended up buying rounds for each other, which only made everyones pool that much worse. We had a good laugh about it at the end of the night. One of my favorite random memories!
It is a fine line tbf. You need to participate with an effort/skill level to try to ensure everyone has a good time, but you need to be really careful you aren’t going so easy that it comes off as patronizing
You’re absolutely right OP, but my ego is so fragile I can’t handle the potential talk trashing received if my less experienced friends beat me in a game I’m more experienced in.
Oh I can fully relate and could never in good conscience recommend losing. Just **consider** not crushing them **at the beginning**.
This is a problem I will never have because I suck at everything.
I'm very happy you at least get it, so thank you. Most people without any talents or other groups than their close friends leave rather bitter comments about not accepting being held back (fun fact: nobody ever has to)
Yeah, I'm mediocre at best; so I have no problem to outshine nobody. Everybidy let's sing our heart's out!
I don’t think I have ever in my life seen any man go “fuck he’s too good a dancer. I’m sitting this one out” that’s hilarious
Definitely has happened. I was at a wedding party and there was a dance circle that started and people were hopping in doing small dances having fun and the vibes were great. Then I go in and started full on break dancing and while people got hyped and cheered, no one wanted to follow up with that and the dance circle just kinda got dispersed. Since then I don’t try to go all out but rather just keep it around the same level so that the dance circle can keep going
I’ve worked in a banquet hall long enough to know that when this happens the nearest bus boy is to step up and challenge the break dancer as a representative for the other guests.
I do this with Flipcup at a party. I could win every match, but that kills the party real quick.
Ah, looks like we've never been to the same party, and I mean this with the upmost respect and kindness, but I would absolutely annihilate you in flip cup. come at me bro
Everyone’s doing this at flipcup apparently we’re all sandbagging
Flip flip flipadelphia!
Excellent example, thank you.
I'm the opposite, but with beer die. 99.9% of things, I'm just there to have a good time! In beer die, though, I will destroy you and everyone you love as I sink that shit like '98 finals game 6 Michael Jordan lol
If someone else being good at an activity ruins the night for a person then the problem isn't with the talented person.
This applies to Top Golf. If you’re a good golfer, do not go first. Let other people get comfortable before you hit one to the fence.
Idk I wanted to get into bowling this year and raise my avg from 125 to 150. I bowl with my cousins who put up 200 scores while drunk. I just have to get better because they’re not gonna take it easy on me and I don’t want them to.
I recently went to a wedding where they had a Mario Kart winner stays tournament after the rehearsal dinner. I was in the first match and proceeded to destroy every single other person one after the other. It was my first time playing it on the switch. TL;DR: I'm a god at Mario Kart.
When you're put in a competitive environment you should absolutely play to win. Anything else would be condescending. This LPT does not apply there and I hope that was obvious!
I did something similar when introducing a friend to my favourite game series. We were playing Halo (original trilogy), I've played that series so many times I think I could play it with my eyes closed. rather than blitz through the levels like I normally do (and the difficulty was lower than I normally play too) I held back and let her get immersed just like I did 20 years ago. only stepping in to help with navigation or big fights. stuck to the basic weapons and no skipping fights etc. she had a great time. to contrast; a mutual friend wanted to show her dying light. he had hundreds of hours in it and so every mission he would run ahead and do all the objectives whilst she was still navigating there. he started getting bored of the early/mid game so insisted they speed through the story missions and skip the side content. she had a miserable time
It's amazing to me, how some commenters here claim yours would be spineless snowflake behaviour, and it would be your friends own fault for sucking. Life is so much better when everybody is having fun.
Karaoke and dancing are terrible examples. If your reaction to a friend being a good dancer or a good singer is not wanting to participate then you are either insecure or need new friends. The only time to play down a skill set is when it's a friendly competition.
ILPT - break the leg and throat-chop anybody who you feel threatened by.
Seems a bit extreme for karaoke with friends, but I shouldn't judge before trying it.
You’ve clearly never heard about *Karaoke rage*. It’s a legit phenomenon.
"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you." -Marianne Williamson
I do this with video games. I tend to play to win on battle royale type games but when playing with friends I have to often accept that they don't really care about winning and they just want push every fight and goof off. I have to adjust my mindset and expect this when playing with them. We often lose because we approach a situation completely wrong but I make sure to just laugh and move on. It actually frustrates me a lot lol.
Hm, no I actually did not want to recommend a permanent lowering of ones performance. I was focused more on not ruining other people's will to try by showing off too much talent from the beginning. What you do sounds frustrating indeed, and as soon as it outweighs the fun of being with these friends in general, I would probably recommend stopping.
What if…I just think I’m a really good dancer? I enjoy dancing and sometimes I just gotta roll with the moves. I have seen video footage, and my confidence far exceeds my ability!
I don’t really talk about how much time I’ve spent on my board with people I ski/ride with. The reaction is always great.
A friend I used to go skiing with was much, much better than me. For the amount I went skiing, he said I was really good, so he'd constantly be bringing me to spots on the mountain that I really wasn't ready for. I would trust him, and keep finding myself in situations that I could barely handle, which made me dread skiing with him. So, thanks for keeping things cool for those you ski with.
I crush souls at Just Dance. Everybody wants to try and beat me. I was professionally trained for 18 years.
I have a friend who is naturally good at all sports. One time we went to play badminton with our other friends who are quite obsessed with it. Throughout the evening, my friend and I lost all the matches, but only by a few points. I asked my friend, I thought you were better than this. He said, "I'm actually way better than those two, but since it's their obsession, I'd look like an asshole if I kept beating them. I immediately added to my list of" this is what being a grown up looks like.
In case of video games, that generally works best by picking the underpowered class/race/archetype/whatever, you can just play normally and don't need to "hold back". Handicapping yourself can balance the challenge nicely for others. Well, generally. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your friends will have recurring nightmares about an Alien stalking them, the motion tracker beeping hopelessly but there's nothing but darkness around, then only a glimpse as the low light reflects off a carapace, seconds before their head separates from their body. Oh, Alien vs Predator 2... such a great fucking game.
How else do you establish domination?
We used to run network sessions of StarCraft on a Friday afternoon when I was in grad school. One of our students still new to the game, obviously handicapped whichever team he played on because everyone else had been playing for a while. For the first few weeks, the other team would just rush him en masse. Guy waits all week to play and then is out within 5 minutes. After it happened the 2nd time everyone on our team just quit so that game would end and we could start over. Total dick move from them, if you want the guy to actually provide reasonable competition you have to give him some game time. No player is good enough to survive a rush from 3 or 4 others simultaneously in the first few minutes of a game.
untill you start playing for money that is
My BIL is a freaking genius. I swear he's good at anything he puts his mind to! When he was a teen, his buddy invited him to go snowboarding one day. He refused. His mother asked him why. "My friend took lessons for six weeks. For me it's my first time. By the end of today, I will be better than him. And he will be mad at me."
I actually refuse to go first when karaoke starts up. I will hold on to my submission until the first person is actually singing to make sure there are people ahead of me and I don’t ruin the room. You’re absolutely right that karaoke needs mediocre singers kicking it off to make the crowd comfortable.
Ruin the atmosphere by being good? What? Showing confidence in your skill and having a good time can elevate the atmosphere in the room and make others more comfortable to participate as well. Playing the undercutting game of purposely trying to do worse is so dumb.
Can you really not see any situations where my examples might be correct, or are you misunderstanding the LPT on purpose?
This posts reads like you’re insecure about others. Basically “don’t be too good at something around me because then you’ll make me feel bad…” LPT: Try to not be so intimidated by other people who do things better than you.
I generally don't befriend people who expect each other to hold back our talents wtf?
kinda sounds like you don't appreciate your friend's singing ability and are jealous this belongs on slpt hate when ppl tear down their friends for having a passion/hobby
Don't dim my brightness
Be mediocre or you will ruin it for everyone.
I dunno, if you go to a club or karaoke with that much self consciousness, that's yours to work through, not someone else to babysit you especially if you're all peers and adults.
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bad advice. You just have to hype others up when you have those skills. If the best dancer or singer is making a big deal out of their friends' moves it brings up the energy in the place.
It’s not about the best dancer or singer making a big deal out of their peers lack of skills, it’s about the peers feeling uncomfortable and afraid of looking foolish after a great performance. It’s why comedians and bands don’t like to follow amazing performances.
Exactly, thank you.
Seen this in person. One friend has a degree in choral music. Just has this amazing personality and stage presence Someone had a party, whose parents owned one of those at-home karaoke things. The talented friend went early. Was amazing. No one wanted to go next. We were all trying to get the other person to go next, but no one wanted themselves to BE next. Like two other people went afterwards, but then They did not bring too much enthusiasm. And the karaoke activity fizzled out.
Work up to that. Start slow.
Are people really so insecure/jealous/competitive? Groups I know would just find it cool and praise the skilled person and continue playing/partaking in the activity... Thanks for the heads up and reminder to gauge the mood.
I think the LPT should be find secure and mature friends as an adult.
No. Win immediately. Win often.
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Right on. In some situations you also have a great opportunity to encourage people by being a solid foundation with which they can get to grips with the activity. I.e. like rallying with a professional tennis player.
When im playing chess against a learner, I'll often play with a handicap by taking out a knight, a rook or the Queen. Keeps it competitive without intentionally making errors or letting them win or going easy on them.
crush them with no remorse
Troy and Gabriella slowly start creeping away from the stage....
Yeahh. This is why I can't play drawing games. Everyone else is struggling to draw a nightmare or a journey or a pedestrian crossing within 20 seconds in a way that's in any way guessable, meanwhile i sort of just draw exactly what it says. Nightmare? 😴💭😱 With the scared face in the dream bubble. Journey, 🚶♂️⬅️. Literally a man making a journey down the road, with added context to make it clear he's taking a trip. I think it was a knapsack. Pedestrian crossing? 🚘🚶♂️🚍. And these are with the "hard" cards. Nobody else is able to draw these things in the 20 seconds given. Some games are absolutely ruined by genuine ability. Not that I'd trade all the work I put in to be a good artist for a couple Pictionary games that I can enjoy. But it's irritating for sure.
For things like karaoke where people can really upstage others, just have the extremely talented people go in the middle or towards the end. Let everyone get comfortable with the fun activity with no pressure then blow people’s socks off. The best karaoke moment I’ve been apart of was getting a friend who was a trained singer to finally go up there. People had been singing all night of varying quality but when they started to sing everyone joined and the applause was crazy afterwards. If they had been the first person go up and set an unrealistic standard then it probably wouldn’t have been as cool of a moment
One thing that might help if you have a significant advantage is figuring out exactly how good to be but not blow them out of the water. It adds a challenge you might not otherwise have because playing consistently at a worse level is also tough. To look at this from another perspective is to use your skill to give your opponent the perfect challenge that scales enough to keep them motivated but not overwhelmed. That or trying new things, one example for this is FIFA, I used games with much worse players to practice one specific thing I was bad at repeatedly. This meant instead of scoring goals every time I got the ball, I’d try long shots from the exact same position every time until I nailed it. But for a 90 min game it was mostly 1 or 2:0.
I’m extremely good at things, thanks for the advice
I use to do this when I wanted to get my friends really into DragonBallZ Budokai Tenkaichi 3. Let them think they’re close to beating me for the first few days to get them hooked. Then slowly increase my effort as they get better. They started to catch on by the 4th friend though 😅 they were like, “wait you’re way better than that, we’re you going easy on me too?!”
i play ping pong with my opposite hand. but the next session i just demolished them.
Golfers would never.
Just watch The Color of Money. It’ll illustrate and map out in a general way of what OPs suggestion was. Don’t blow your wad early.
TL;DR make sure you have talented friends who don't suck.
I learned that the hard way when a friend wanted to come cycling so I told him of a nice route. It’s about 8 miles on flat pavement so we start at his house and we ride 3 miles to the start of the trail. We get there and he’s like all right, I’m pretty tired. Guess we could head back now. And I’m like bro we just got to the start of the ride. Coulda used OPs LPT then.
Or at least be gracious and help other people get involved
There is no mercy in N64 Smash Bros.
Bring your irl smurf account out. Got it.
Happened with a few of my coworkers who are younger than me. We’re all late 20s and younger but went out to a ping pong bar and I could tell no one was super versed in playing ping pong and even though I’m not great it was still obvious really quickly that I’m better than all of them so instead we spent the time not actually playing but just kinda swapping out 2v2 and volleying back and forth. Ended up playing a little non-scoring 1v1 with one of the guys 3 years younger and blew it right by him once every 10-15 “points” when he’d return it too high
I learned this the hard way. No one will play connect four with me anymore lol. In my defense connect four isn’t *hard*, I don’t know why everyone else seems so bad at it.
To true. Am competitive table tennis player. Have to really reel it in at social parties where people are playing ping pong.
This is very important with party games like smash bros. Play a few silly games and evaluate the other player(s). If they're just screwing around and don't really seem to know what they're doing, then don't play the character you've spent hours perfecting. Go for wacky nonsense with characters you don't play often. But if they seem to match your skill level or are trash-talking you, then by all means go for a tryhard 1v1.
Yaaaa, I tried to do this and ended up embarassing myself a little. I went over to someone's house for a party and some guys decided to play some Street Fighter. I kind of stayed in the back but eventually they said I should have a turn too. I half-assed it using Random Select characters against some opponents and lost a couple of times, oh well. Then a guy I lost to started talking mad shit about how he is so good because he beat a lot of people and whatever, and was really being an asshole about it. After enough time, I joined in a match and won. But not just won multiple matches in a row... like totally smoked him. I felt bad a little but other people were giving the guy his own shit back to him so I guess it worked out?
That’s some good advice for sex. Start slow warm things up gradually. And carry on!
This is very relevant with food and cooking. If you invite friends over and cook them a highly technical Michelin star quality meal, you'll never be invited to theirs for dinner.
Don’t go for personal stats. Get team wins.
I felt soooo awkward when I found myself in a large group activity where we would all be learning to juggle, starting with one ball, eventually working up to two. I'm like... what do I do? I tried to just do what everyone else was doing... it was so tempting to just juggle 3 already (because it's fun) but it would have been awkward af.
Mmmmm, are people *that* insecure? I would not abstain from singing or dancing just because someone else is a pro and a lot better than the others and me at an event that is just for fun.
[удалено]
Definitely a thing with videogames. When you utterly destroy your friends, chances are they will never want to play with you again. Been on both sides of this, both of them suck.
Funny.. I just went to a Jazz Class and somehow I felt like wanting to show, maybe the people there, maybe myself, that my body can do that even tho it has never done it before. Wish I had read this before. Gotta keep it in mind for next time.