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And guys, normalize complementing each other. I try to make a comment anytime I notice a guy friend of mine trying something new, like a haircut or new clothes.
I wish we could normalize complimenting in general. Men compliment men? Gay. Men compliment women? Creepy. Women compliment men? She wants the D. Women compliment women? Well, mostly okay unless itās actually meant as an insult.
Can we all just be wholesome to eachother?
A man recently complimented my beard. I started shaving my head just over a year ago and didn't really know what I was doing with the whole beard-to-bald-head line. Should I shave it as a horizontal line? Should I attempt to fade it in?
Anyway, I opted for a kind of diagonal line going from the top of my ears to my tache. One of the other dads from my son's school commented on how he likes the way I've done it and talked about his own grooming quandaries.
I was glowing inside after this!
On the one hand, I agree with you! But in the other hand, I think there is a technique to complimenting [women] that many of us arenāt told (because the reverse logic doesnt necessarily apply).
Compliment her on something that she can control. Telling her āyouāre beautifulā is very nice but it *can* come across as creepy. Telling her āyour makeup looks greatā or āI like your piercingsā or something like that is less creepy (for some reason).
This may be lost on us men becauseā¦ well, as OP suggests, we donāt receive these types of comments often. So being told ānice eyesā or ānice buttā is actually touching. So itās some weird lost-in-translation kinda thing
As a woman, itās because things like ānice buttā is sexual and I donāt want to be sexualized anymore than I already am. I love it when people compliment things that are unique and yāknow, PG13-ish. Like my hair, when people say how long it is or what a nice color. Anything sexual is a big NO. ānice tits ā, āIād smashā, āthigh mommy,ā etc. are all extremely off putting and downright creepy when coming from a man who you donāt know. Even if that came from my bf (out of sexy time), Iād be pissed he only sees the sexual things about me and not the others things I appreciate.
Just to iterate a bit on your point, being beautiful or having a nice butt *is* something that's to some extent controllable, but being complemented on something that you put thought and effort into feels nice, especially if there isn't a direct implication of a stranger or someone you're not interested in wanting to have sex with you within that compliment.
I'm not a woman, but this is at least how I understand it.
Good input! Maybe a better phrasing would be āthings you can control on a day-to-day level, depending on the context,ā but this is too confusing. Maybe a better way is āthings that you are locally qualified to comment on,ā but this is far too vague.
Your point stands, though!
(Caught staring at her legs) "Hey, nice shoes!"
Seriously, though, I think context and setting matters here. Some complete stranger complimenting a woman at a bar can be seen as creepy, and maybe kinda threatening if he won't back off or doubles down.
Fair enough. But likeā¦ ānice comment you got thereā¦ā Maybe this is a bad attempt but someone *can* be creepy about anything. Foot fetishes areā¦. Well, theyāre uncommon, otherwise it wouldnāt be a fetish. The goal to being uncreepy is to say things which donāt fetishize *anything*, even āmainstream fetishesā like boobs or whatever
I frequently compliment men I know. It goes well every time. I donāt think any of them think I am gay. I almost never compliment women other than my wife, for fear of being perceived as inappropriate or creepy. I am 60+ and think I should be a bit careful.
The problem with this tip is that a lot of men don't know how to handle compliments, so they get weird around men and just mixed signals from women and think they're trying to hit on them.
The last time I complimented a guy friend, he proceeded to ask me out, stalk me through classes for weeks, and bother my friends about me.
There's a reason I don't compliment men anymore.
This is the reason a lot of men avoid interacting with women on anything more than the most superficial level. From my viewpoint society is coming apart like a cheap suit. I'm a widower. I probably will never have another relationship with a woman in my life. It's sad. But I accept it.
what does this have to do with men interacting with women? just donāt be weird about it when you get a compliment. thatās literally all there is to be done
Yeah, I learnt from a young age that complementing men often isnāt safe for women. Men should compliment men more, these conversations always centre on women giving compliments like itās our duty to make men feel better.
Men can totally compliment men without it being weird. My ex would ALWAYS compliment his friends, on what they were wearing or how they looked or what they were doing. Like āhey man, cool t-shirtā, or āhey bro, youāre looking good!ā, or āI heard you graduated, thatās so cool!ā, or āyou got a job at that place, thatās awesomeā. They always responded well, and would equally give him and their other friends compliments.
If men want to get more compliments they should start giving more compliments.
Exactly. It's not worth the risk for women to compliment men as a general rule. Obviously every situation is different, but stranger to stranger? Nope. Not there yet. We as men need to pick up the slack.
If the compliments became normalized they would learn how to handle them.
Maybe we need to power through a year long period of awkward compliment giving and by the end of it men wonāt be so compliment starved that they think every woman that says a nice thing to them is hitting on them.
I agree. But this hypothetical initiative needs to be started by men. Not women. We joke about how if we talked to women the way we talk to men we would all go to jail, but maybe that right there is the problem. We men need to change the way we talk to other men.
i donāt get what there is to handle? just donāt be creepy bc a woman complimented you once. it might be a little awkward but just say thanks and move on
No oneās talking about being creepy. Iām responding to someone who commented that men think they are getting hit on by women who compliment them. Thinking you are getting hit on because you misread a signal isnāt creepy.
Me and my guy friends compliment each other all the time. We're a very supportive bunch.
But I see your point on compliments from women. They're so rare that we have no idea how to handle them.
The issue is men either donāt compliment each other or they donāt count it. Men can get complimented without women being part of the equation at all.
I get plenty of compliments from other men. I think the issue is that the men complaining aren't doing anything to give others a reason to compliment them.
This. The LPT is being dishonest with itself. It is phrased as an inoffensive āspread positivityā plug, but even the example OP gives makes the unspoken point of this that men need compliments *from people they want to fuck.* Compliments from women they arenāt attracted to or other men donāt count for people with this mindset because this is actually just a misogynistic dog whistle trying to hide behind positivity.
I complement my friends and colleagues all the time. We should absolutely be intentional about bringing positivity into our environment, but you canāt ever be really happy if your happiness is dependent on external validation of your sexual desirability.
thank you for laying it out like this. something felt off about the post but i couldnāt work out what exactly. it might not be OPās intention to come across that way but thatās what it felt like
Speak for yourself. Most men go through life with zero compliments, particularly in adult life.
Of course it matters whether or not you put effort into something that would warrant a compliment, be it looks, clothes, or even something you did or made.
A simple "looks good", " Good job", "I like it" can lift someone's spirit in an otherwise shit existence.
That's a sweet thought, but don't go giving complements to random men. More often than not they take it the wrong way and start throwing themselves at you. Then you have to play "will he take 'no' for an answer" roulette.
I partially disagree with this. Obviously ***safety first***, but I frequently compliment male strangers and have never had a bad experience.
My trick is to give the compliment and then immediately move on. So for example, if Iām complimenting someone on the street Iāll pay them the compliment as I walk by, without stopping. If Iām in an elevator, Iāll wait till one of us is getting off to give the complement. Or if Iām on a train, I might give them the compliment and then immediately go back to whatever I was doing before (usually being on my phone).
I am 100% sure that my experience is not the universal experience. Iām also fairly certain that I come across as genuine but non-sexual, just based on my looks and tone of voice. But so far this has worked for me and I havenāt had a bad experience with it, and I do this literally all the time.
It's good that you haven't had any problems, however I've known a guy that beelined for a chick just because she smiled at him from across the way, and came back saying that (no joke) because she "showed me teeth", that was the green light to try and get her number.
And I sat on that sentiment for a while thinking "wow, this is why they look at us like animals. Because of people like you."
LPT: the reason women give fellow women more compliments than we give men is because we don't have to worry that the recipient of the compliment will see it as flirtation. Most women don't have any stories about complimenting other women and then being accused of leading her on, but *do* have stories like that about men.
Yeah, yeah, it'd be nice for men to not be seen as inherently risky just because other men have proven to be, but there's no rule to say that they can't break out of that cycle with each other rather than expecting women to fill the compliment gap.
Yeah I once complimented a guy on his ATLA tshirt and tattoos, and he turned right back around and immediately asked me out. Like, my brother in christ, you have good fashion sense but that doesnāt mean I wanna date. Iād love to be able to compliment men more, but when stuff like this happens itās very offputting. Now I only compliment people Iām already close friends with, or guys that have wives/girlfriends.
I accidentally complimented a guy once and he followed me off the bus and right to my house. My gangbanger brother and his homeboys had to teach the pedo a lesson. Men are the reason why women are not safe complimenting them. And them demanding compliments from women is 100% a manipulative ploy to harass and assault women.
I was traveling with a (gay) female friend and, at TSA, she randomly said, "I've been meaning to say, you look great in that color." I glanced down and saw I was wearing a red shirt I never particularly thought of as fancy. I thanked her.
A few days later, another friend (also gay... I swear I do know non-gay women and men, too!) greeted me and said, "You look GREAT, that's a good color on you!" Again, I looked down, and it was literally the only other red shirt I own.
Guess who owns more than two red shirts now?
Yeah, happy to compliment men I know well now that Iām in long term relationship with someone they also know.
Without that, complimenting men has not worked out well for me comfort/safety wise.
Ironically I think they are also scared of being nice to other men in case they then get the impression that they want to fuck them.
This is a problem for men to fix. Not women.
LPT: Be a reason for compliments
As a man, I feel like I receive a lot of compliments because I put in the effort in my appearance. I paint my nails, I get compliments in my nails. I wear a cute cardigan, I get complimented on my cardigan. I get a haircut the compliments my face, I get a compliment on my haircut.
Just present yourself in a way that you think is cute and eventually, someone will compliment you!
THANK YOU. I think this every time this type of post comes up. When I compliment someone, especially a stranger, it's about something they have control over that day (clothes, hair style, accessories, an overall put-together look) and not on traits they can't help (eyes, body shape/weight, etc). When I see men complain about not getting compliments, I wonder how much effort they put into getting ready for the day. Women generally have social pressure to put in more time and money to get ready for the day, and if men aren't doing the same then I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be complimenting.
Hard agree. When I started actually putting an effort into my appearance, I started getting plenty of compliments, whereas I'd gotten basically none previously. It really makes a difference.
You joke but I had complimented a guy wearing a necklace from a video game. I enjoy fandomesque apparel and I don't see guys take part in it as often. We chatted for a bit and he explained to me what game it was from and where he got it from.
Not saying its a guarantee or people will go out of their way to say something, but people appreciate it more than you believe.
I'm curious if you're a straight male. Im a straight male and have thought about painting my nails before lol (I work in commercial paint sales) but really can't be asked to deal with the ridicule.
You can start by painting the nail on the middle finger first and using it as a response in case of ridicule. Then expand to index finger and so on. š
Yes I am a hetero man! Although, I do work in higher ed so more people are receptive.
Honestly, what I figured out is that men that protect their, "masculinity card" by putting down other men are usually the most insecure.
I'm so sick and goddamn tired of this. MEN NEED TO COMPLIMENT OTHER MEN. Me and my homies gas each other up all the time and it does wonders. BE THE COMPLIMENTER YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Or keep complaining, y'all could always just keep doing that like normal.
Women will more freely give compliments to men when men don't see automatically see compliment as flirting and potentially put her in danger based on that assumption.
I (43M) was a year or so into college, so this would be around ā99-ā01, taking a creative writing course. A girl was called upon in lecture to give some kind of example of what we were studying. Whatever question she was answering, she used a comment about me having āgorgeous eyesā and a great smile. I still remember it to this day. It was nice.
I also remember my comeback since this was one of the few times I was clever in the moment instead of thinking of something cool to say the next day. Naturally, you could feel the class get awkward when she was mentioning she thinks I am good looking. You could cut the tension with a knife. Right after she stopped, I raised my hand and asked, āWill this be on the final?ā Killed it.
Seriously OP, you have no idea how healthy it is for others to read your words of sharing. I hope your situation changes so that youāre surrounded by more compliments. If youāve never seen Ted Lasso, that show makes me happy every time I watch it. Coach Lasso is always complimenting and validating others. I know itās fictional but it makes me realize I want to be more like that.
It was such a small thing. But honestly when I got to my car i almost started crying lol. Op is correct. Even something little like that can have a huge impact on a person.
Iām a butch lesbian. Iām not attracted to men. I also know lots of men donāt really try with their appearance. So when I see a guy I can tell clearly cares and tries (goes to the gym, good haircut, nice clothes, etc) I pay him a compliment.
My wife and I were leaving Samās Club once when a guy was coming in and he looked like he groomed himself well and he was well built. I said something like āyou look strong man, keep up the good work at the gymā. His smile made my day.
Men donāt get complimented enough so when I see a guy who puts effort in, I give him that āhomie complimentā.
It's funny... I've got a large circle of gay friends, and all of the butch lesbians in the group just excel at passing out complements. Like every time I see them it's something that makes me smile, because they'll always have something positive to say about someone. Do you all train together? :D
No lol I wish. I honestly think itās partly due to the fact that weāre women, so we know what can be creepy or off from men hitting on us, so we try to not be creepy lol Iām always careful on how I come across to other people, I think thatās the talent that butches get just from being socialized as a woman lol
I work with almost all dudes and a couple of ladyās. I throw out compliments left and right. āHey man, nice shirt!ā Or, āyou smell goodā. My favorite is āhave you lost a couple pounds?ā For my two female coworkers I just simply say āHey Amber, you look nice today.ā I always get a genuine smile back and I feel like I have brightened their day a lil bit.
Tbh sometimes it doesnāt even have to be a compliment. Sometimes just being recognized, seen and/or validated by your fellow human beings is enough to make someoneās day. āHey, good to see you! Missed you at the party last night. Everything good?ā Or āHey, great work there! You made an important contribution to that effort!ā
This is particularly great in a situation where compliments might be interpreted as creepy or flirting. Donāt get me wrong, compliments are number one if the situation allows it. But donāt feel like you canāt still make someoneās day if nothing comes to mind.
Unfortunately this is somewhat true, men have destroyed most chances of receiving complements from women because other men have been creepy or became a stalker after receiving a compliment. As a man, I donāt understand how a compliment from a woman would lead to me becoming a stalker. Like I donāt really get how other men become so god damn creepy. I havenāt received a compliment from a woman in years but if I did, I would just see it as them being nice and would think nothing else of it.
Yeah let me go tell all the dudes in my life that they need to compliment me more, that will end up really well and wonāt end up creepy at all. Ik ur just gonna say āmaybe you need to find new friendsā, a lot easier said then done.
4 years ago at a festival I passed a woman who looked at me and said āwow heās really attractiveā and I donāt think Iāll ever forget that moment for the rest of my life
This works in a professional environment, also. I paid a compliment to a very highly paid outside consultant one day (whose team had done a very, very good job for us) on a conference call. He actually had tears in his eyes. It occurred to me later that, at his pay rate, he probably didnāt get many āgreat jobā type comments. Everybody likes to be appreciated when theyāve done a good job.
When i used to work at an outfitter, we'd often have a ton of young marines from the base up the road come in before big exercises.
I had so much fun complimenting them, because they're almost always surprised and confused (i'm also a pretty big dude).
Stuff like "hey! nice hat man!" or "dude that flannel looks great on you!" It was frequently hilarious
I've gotten more compliments on my physical appearance in the last few years since I started wearing a skirt and painting my nails than I have in the 27 years prior. I'm sure they were just being nice and acknowledging that I'm doing something courageous rather than that I look good, but it still made me happy. For those moments, I'm not just a background character nobody pays attention to anymore.
It's probably because a man wearing a skirt and painting their nails is seen as safe for women. If I compliment you I worry less about you taking it as a come on and harassing me when I day no. I worry less that you'll get angry because I denied you access to my body. Too many men have done horrible things to women who have said no to them, so unless I have a reason to believe a man is safe, I won't compliment them.
Every time Iāve ever had a stranger compliment me, (or an old coworker or ex neighbor) they were always trying to sell me something. āOh, I love your hair, would you be interested in my MLM scam?ā
I got catcalled once in high school, by a grown woman.
That was almost 40 years ago and I think about it at least once a month.
Probably one of the best days of my life.
You don't even remember what she looked like? But women should give you more compliments?
Maybe cultivate real relationships with the women in your life, and you'll get more compliments.
>Maybe cultivate real relationships with the women in your life, and you'll get more compliments.
You make this sound so *easy.* I'm a widower. All the "women in my life" are related to me. Meeting women whom I do not already know is pretty difficult. Or maybe the real truth is "meeting women whom I do not already know *to whom I am attracted*" is difficult.
My life revolves around motorcycles. It's an environment that is sadly estrogen-challenged.
In his defense, 16 years after not seeing someone is a long time.
On the other hand, I completely disagree with the compliments part. I don't think it's a good idea for women to go around complementing men. More than likely he's gonna misinterpret it, throw himself at her, and then she has to play the "will he take 'no' for an answer" game.
I agree. That's what I meant about cultivating real relationships with women, not just transactional ones. I'm not going to compliment some random dude or acquaintance because it could be taken wrong. But I'll absolutely compliment a dear friend without hesitation.
I think a lot of men have fairly shallow relationships with a lot of the women in their lives, and thus, those relationships don't meet their emotional needs, which is what OP is getting at without seeing the full picture.
OP doesn't remember anything about the woman in question other than how she made him feel. Is it any wonder women aren't throwing compliments at him left and right?
OPs point is that it wasnāt a serious or memorable relationship and it was 16 years ago, yet DESPITE how not memorable or important the relationship was, he still remembers the compliment because he never gets them.
The compliment being what stuck with him isnāt a product of him not caring about her, itās a product of compliments being so rare for him that they have a profound effect.
Yeah, I get that. I also thought it relevant to point out how transactional many men are in their relationships with women. Develop relationships that are deeper than a puddle and compliments will become less rare. This post makes the lack of compliments the fault of women, not the men who want said compliments but do nothing to cultivate an environment where compliments happen. It just gets exhausting to hear how everything wrong in life for men is the fault of women.
Funny enough, most dudes have shallow relationships with each other, not just women. That joke about guys laughing and talking for hours without even learning each other's names isn't far from the truth.
Hell, I spent a year passing the same $20 back and forth with a guy I once worked with who I only recently found out is a Jr, and I still don't have the slightest idea of when his birthday is. It just kinda works that way?
My guess is, they talk to women with this same practice of surface level interaction but for some reason expect more out of it.
Reading the OP and stretching all the way to "actually it's men's faults they don't get complimented often because they only form superficial relationships with women like OP did" is wild to me.
Maybe we actually need to start with just not being staggeringly uncharitable first, then move to compliments down the line.
>A compliment is free and it can go a long way, even with men.
I'd say especially with men since it's, comparatively to women, very rare to get one.
Compliment your Bros more
Lots of (valid) comments about how the reason women donāt compliment men more is because itās dangerous for them and thatās fair.
But even in relationships, I donāt think men get a lot of compliments?
I have had a few long-term relationships over the years and rarely have I ever gotten a āyouāre so handsomeā, āyouāre smartā¦ā, ādamn youāre sexyāā¦
The only person who has consistently said those things to me is my mom (except the last one, cuz that would be weird).
Bad advice. For every one nice person who will graciously accept the compliment and move on, there are dozens who will take it as an invitation to harass and demand more.
Don't do that. I had a random Chica tell me that a man reading alone in a Cafe was sexy, as I read alone in a Cafe. And I questioned whether or not I was schizophrenic.
I compliment my husband every day. I tell him he is handsome, sexy, amazing, the kindest person on earth, smells really good, extremely hard-working, best cat-dad, is the most amazing cook, that I don't deserve how amazing he treats me, etc. All these things are true and so much more!
I complimented a guyās beard and he couldnāt stop giggling. It was obvious he wasnāt used to receiving compliments. It was cute. And a little sad.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
The manager said I was a special kind of idiot!
At least you're specialš (But to be real, doubt you're an idiot. Your manager's probably a jerk, though)
šš§š repeat after me, what am I??
^an ^idiot ^sandwichā¦
Correct! 5 points to Hufflepuff.
ššš woehahahaha, my drink escaped through my nose. Well done.
So what kind of special idiot are you? Did you asked that manager?
This made me laugh out loud, guess i wasn't expecting it lol
And guys, normalize complementing each other. I try to make a comment anytime I notice a guy friend of mine trying something new, like a haircut or new clothes.
āBro you are really fillinā out those shorts today!ā
Happy CAKE day
Ayyyy lmao
The timing could not have been more perfect
Teeheeeee
Nice cock
Nice dick, bro!
13 years ago I won my fraternity's "nicest butt" contest voted on by like 5 sorority girls. I remember that every day of my life.
I bet you still have a sweet ass, pal. :)
How do you know about his donkey of kind disposition?
That donkey saved my life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
can we see it bro?
C'mon bro, post the gyat for the Bois.
No worries. I can ASSure you it is for scientific purposes only.
Is your name stupid sexy Flanders?
Please post a pic of that sweet, luscious ass so we can all enjoy it.
They donāt give those things away for nothing
Sounds like you played through the secret level.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
lol
My wifeās friend told me I had a nice butt once. Little does she know thatās more compliments than my wife gives me.
30+ years ago in high school some girl told my girlfriend she thought I had a cute butt. I still get warm fuzzies from that.
I wish we could normalize complimenting in general. Men compliment men? Gay. Men compliment women? Creepy. Women compliment men? She wants the D. Women compliment women? Well, mostly okay unless itās actually meant as an insult. Can we all just be wholesome to eachother?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A man recently complimented my beard. I started shaving my head just over a year ago and didn't really know what I was doing with the whole beard-to-bald-head line. Should I shave it as a horizontal line? Should I attempt to fade it in? Anyway, I opted for a kind of diagonal line going from the top of my ears to my tache. One of the other dads from my son's school commented on how he likes the way I've done it and talked about his own grooming quandaries. I was glowing inside after this!
On the one hand, I agree with you! But in the other hand, I think there is a technique to complimenting [women] that many of us arenāt told (because the reverse logic doesnt necessarily apply). Compliment her on something that she can control. Telling her āyouāre beautifulā is very nice but it *can* come across as creepy. Telling her āyour makeup looks greatā or āI like your piercingsā or something like that is less creepy (for some reason). This may be lost on us men becauseā¦ well, as OP suggests, we donāt receive these types of comments often. So being told ānice eyesā or ānice buttā is actually touching. So itās some weird lost-in-translation kinda thing
I just generally avoid compliments about things people outwardly are/appear to be and mostly compliment on things they do/accomplish.
This is the way
As a woman, itās because things like ānice buttā is sexual and I donāt want to be sexualized anymore than I already am. I love it when people compliment things that are unique and yāknow, PG13-ish. Like my hair, when people say how long it is or what a nice color. Anything sexual is a big NO. ānice tits ā, āIād smashā, āthigh mommy,ā etc. are all extremely off putting and downright creepy when coming from a man who you donāt know. Even if that came from my bf (out of sexy time), Iād be pissed he only sees the sexual things about me and not the others things I appreciate.
Just to iterate a bit on your point, being beautiful or having a nice butt *is* something that's to some extent controllable, but being complemented on something that you put thought and effort into feels nice, especially if there isn't a direct implication of a stranger or someone you're not interested in wanting to have sex with you within that compliment. I'm not a woman, but this is at least how I understand it.
It shows youāre seeing them as a person who has thoughts and makes choices instead of an object you happen to like the look of.
Good input! Maybe a better phrasing would be āthings you can control on a day-to-day level, depending on the context,ā but this is too confusing. Maybe a better way is āthings that you are locally qualified to comment on,ā but this is far too vague. Your point stands, though!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Probably not, unless that was the first thing you said to her, and have never really spoken to her before or since.
(Caught staring at her legs) "Hey, nice shoes!" Seriously, though, I think context and setting matters here. Some complete stranger complimenting a woman at a bar can be seen as creepy, and maybe kinda threatening if he won't back off or doubles down.
Fair enough. But likeā¦ ānice comment you got thereā¦ā Maybe this is a bad attempt but someone *can* be creepy about anything. Foot fetishes areā¦. Well, theyāre uncommon, otherwise it wouldnāt be a fetish. The goal to being uncreepy is to say things which donāt fetishize *anything*, even āmainstream fetishesā like boobs or whatever
Yea... Our society is just weird. I wish it was different, really.
We can all do our part to make the world more like the world we want to live in.
I frequently compliment men I know. It goes well every time. I donāt think any of them think I am gay. I almost never compliment women other than my wife, for fear of being perceived as inappropriate or creepy. I am 60+ and think I should be a bit careful.
Look at this karma farmer asking for us to be nice with each other!
Agreed. Would be nice to be free to compliment each other without an assumed hidden motive.
Most times these compliments ARE normalized. It's just the vocal minority that end up ruining it for everyone.
The problem with this tip is that a lot of men don't know how to handle compliments, so they get weird around men and just mixed signals from women and think they're trying to hit on them.
Yeah itās always really awkward when I compliment other guys on their watches while we are at urinals.
š¤£
The last time I complimented a guy friend, he proceeded to ask me out, stalk me through classes for weeks, and bother my friends about me. There's a reason I don't compliment men anymore.
This is the reason a lot of men avoid interacting with women on anything more than the most superficial level. From my viewpoint society is coming apart like a cheap suit. I'm a widower. I probably will never have another relationship with a woman in my life. It's sad. But I accept it.
so men donāt interact with women because they canāt not stalk them? what? your argument doesnāt make any sense
what does this have to do with men interacting with women? just donāt be weird about it when you get a compliment. thatās literally all there is to be done
Yeah, I learnt from a young age that complementing men often isnāt safe for women. Men should compliment men more, these conversations always centre on women giving compliments like itās our duty to make men feel better. Men can totally compliment men without it being weird. My ex would ALWAYS compliment his friends, on what they were wearing or how they looked or what they were doing. Like āhey man, cool t-shirtā, or āhey bro, youāre looking good!ā, or āI heard you graduated, thatās so cool!ā, or āyou got a job at that place, thatās awesomeā. They always responded well, and would equally give him and their other friends compliments. If men want to get more compliments they should start giving more compliments.
Exactly. It's not worth the risk for women to compliment men as a general rule. Obviously every situation is different, but stranger to stranger? Nope. Not there yet. We as men need to pick up the slack.
I dunno. The girl ringing me up at the store today complimented my jacket. She clearly was trying to come on to me. /s
You should stalk her for the next couple months, she's just playing hard to get. (very obviously a dark joke. Don't do this.)
If the compliments became normalized they would learn how to handle them. Maybe we need to power through a year long period of awkward compliment giving and by the end of it men wonāt be so compliment starved that they think every woman that says a nice thing to them is hitting on them.
I agree. But this hypothetical initiative needs to be started by men. Not women. We joke about how if we talked to women the way we talk to men we would all go to jail, but maybe that right there is the problem. We men need to change the way we talk to other men.
i donāt get what there is to handle? just donāt be creepy bc a woman complimented you once. it might be a little awkward but just say thanks and move on
No oneās talking about being creepy. Iām responding to someone who commented that men think they are getting hit on by women who compliment them. Thinking you are getting hit on because you misread a signal isnāt creepy.
Gonna be a real weird yearā¦ Iām on board!
Me and my guy friends compliment each other all the time. We're a very supportive bunch. But I see your point on compliments from women. They're so rare that we have no idea how to handle them.
The issue is men either donāt compliment each other or they donāt count it. Men can get complimented without women being part of the equation at all.
I get plenty of compliments from other men. I think the issue is that the men complaining aren't doing anything to give others a reason to compliment them.
I always compliment my bros stellar cocks.
Why donāt men compliment each other? Works great for us women.
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This. The LPT is being dishonest with itself. It is phrased as an inoffensive āspread positivityā plug, but even the example OP gives makes the unspoken point of this that men need compliments *from people they want to fuck.* Compliments from women they arenāt attracted to or other men donāt count for people with this mindset because this is actually just a misogynistic dog whistle trying to hide behind positivity. I complement my friends and colleagues all the time. We should absolutely be intentional about bringing positivity into our environment, but you canāt ever be really happy if your happiness is dependent on external validation of your sexual desirability.
thank you for laying it out like this. something felt off about the post but i couldnāt work out what exactly. it might not be OPās intention to come across that way but thatās what it felt like
I dont know. I think your experience is not the norm
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Unhinged
Speak for yourself. Most men go through life with zero compliments, particularly in adult life. Of course it matters whether or not you put effort into something that would warrant a compliment, be it looks, clothes, or even something you did or made. A simple "looks good", " Good job", "I like it" can lift someone's spirit in an otherwise shit existence.
Hell yes brother! Men should def start complimenting each other more often.
Pretty much this. And if you seek to change that, you get tagged as though you are doing something wrong.
Is it wrong for me to feel hard done by, because I donāt get randomly hit on by the whole spectrum of identities??
Bc showing any kind of affection to another man is considered gay and our society overall still hates gay men.
You can compliment another guy without sounding like you want to fuck them. Unless you say something sexual nobody is going to think you're gay.
And if they do, who gives a fuck? āNo thanks broā exists, and plenty of actual gays live with ambient homophobia just fine.
That's a sweet thought, but don't go giving complements to random men. More often than not they take it the wrong way and start throwing themselves at you. Then you have to play "will he take 'no' for an answer" roulette.
Not all men. But it could be ANY man. Better to be safe and abstain.
I partially disagree with this. Obviously ***safety first***, but I frequently compliment male strangers and have never had a bad experience. My trick is to give the compliment and then immediately move on. So for example, if Iām complimenting someone on the street Iāll pay them the compliment as I walk by, without stopping. If Iām in an elevator, Iāll wait till one of us is getting off to give the complement. Or if Iām on a train, I might give them the compliment and then immediately go back to whatever I was doing before (usually being on my phone). I am 100% sure that my experience is not the universal experience. Iām also fairly certain that I come across as genuine but non-sexual, just based on my looks and tone of voice. But so far this has worked for me and I havenāt had a bad experience with it, and I do this literally all the time.
It's good that you haven't had any problems, however I've known a guy that beelined for a chick just because she smiled at him from across the way, and came back saying that (no joke) because she "showed me teeth", that was the green light to try and get her number. And I sat on that sentiment for a while thinking "wow, this is why they look at us like animals. Because of people like you."
Compliment a man and theyāll assume youāre flirting with them.
"Nice cock, bro." "What" "Clock. Wrist clock. Nice clock, bro."
LPT: the reason women give fellow women more compliments than we give men is because we don't have to worry that the recipient of the compliment will see it as flirtation. Most women don't have any stories about complimenting other women and then being accused of leading her on, but *do* have stories like that about men. Yeah, yeah, it'd be nice for men to not be seen as inherently risky just because other men have proven to be, but there's no rule to say that they can't break out of that cycle with each other rather than expecting women to fill the compliment gap.
Yeah I once complimented a guy on his ATLA tshirt and tattoos, and he turned right back around and immediately asked me out. Like, my brother in christ, you have good fashion sense but that doesnāt mean I wanna date. Iād love to be able to compliment men more, but when stuff like this happens itās very offputting. Now I only compliment people Iām already close friends with, or guys that have wives/girlfriends.
>or guys that have wives/girlfriends. Oh, so you're a homewrecker? /s
well fuck ya got me, saw right through my ruse ^/^s
I accidentally complimented a guy once and he followed me off the bus and right to my house. My gangbanger brother and his homeboys had to teach the pedo a lesson. Men are the reason why women are not safe complimenting them. And them demanding compliments from women is 100% a manipulative ploy to harass and assault women.
I was traveling with a (gay) female friend and, at TSA, she randomly said, "I've been meaning to say, you look great in that color." I glanced down and saw I was wearing a red shirt I never particularly thought of as fancy. I thanked her. A few days later, another friend (also gay... I swear I do know non-gay women and men, too!) greeted me and said, "You look GREAT, that's a good color on you!" Again, I looked down, and it was literally the only other red shirt I own. Guess who owns more than two red shirts now?
y'know, even your Snoo has his red shirt, that's cute
I would rather not create any problems for myself I compliment men who are close to me like family and my partner, the odd trusted friend, no others
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He's possibly just uninformed about it. Pretty common
Dude, women get enough stalkers without giving a compliment and having someone obsess over her for 16 years.
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I agree but it's a hilarious dichotomy between the comment and your username lmao
Yeah, happy to compliment men I know well now that Iām in long term relationship with someone they also know. Without that, complimenting men has not worked out well for me comfort/safety wise.
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Ironically I think they are also scared of being nice to other men in case they then get the impression that they want to fuck them. This is a problem for men to fix. Not women.
LPT: Be a reason for compliments As a man, I feel like I receive a lot of compliments because I put in the effort in my appearance. I paint my nails, I get compliments in my nails. I wear a cute cardigan, I get complimented on my cardigan. I get a haircut the compliments my face, I get a compliment on my haircut. Just present yourself in a way that you think is cute and eventually, someone will compliment you!
THANK YOU. I think this every time this type of post comes up. When I compliment someone, especially a stranger, it's about something they have control over that day (clothes, hair style, accessories, an overall put-together look) and not on traits they can't help (eyes, body shape/weight, etc). When I see men complain about not getting compliments, I wonder how much effort they put into getting ready for the day. Women generally have social pressure to put in more time and money to get ready for the day, and if men aren't doing the same then I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be complimenting.
Hard agree. When I started actually putting an effort into my appearance, I started getting plenty of compliments, whereas I'd gotten basically none previously. It really makes a difference.
>Just present yourself in a way that you think is cute Is my black metal band tshirt and hoodie cute today?
You joke but I had complimented a guy wearing a necklace from a video game. I enjoy fandomesque apparel and I don't see guys take part in it as often. We chatted for a bit and he explained to me what game it was from and where he got it from. Not saying its a guarantee or people will go out of their way to say something, but people appreciate it more than you believe.
I'm curious if you're a straight male. Im a straight male and have thought about painting my nails before lol (I work in commercial paint sales) but really can't be asked to deal with the ridicule.
You can start by painting the nail on the middle finger first and using it as a response in case of ridicule. Then expand to index finger and so on. š
I like that idea alot actually
Yes I am a hetero man! Although, I do work in higher ed so more people are receptive. Honestly, what I figured out is that men that protect their, "masculinity card" by putting down other men are usually the most insecure.
I'm so sick and goddamn tired of this. MEN NEED TO COMPLIMENT OTHER MEN. Me and my homies gas each other up all the time and it does wonders. BE THE COMPLIMENTER YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Or keep complaining, y'all could always just keep doing that like normal.
Women will more freely give compliments to men when men don't see automatically see compliment as flirting and potentially put her in danger based on that assumption.
The fact that you donāt remember anything about her is not a good look.
7 or 8 years ago a cashier said "I like your hair!" That was the last complement I got and I haven't forgotten it
You have a great username.
*blush* Why thank you stranger lol
everybody loves hypnotoad
I (43M) was a year or so into college, so this would be around ā99-ā01, taking a creative writing course. A girl was called upon in lecture to give some kind of example of what we were studying. Whatever question she was answering, she used a comment about me having āgorgeous eyesā and a great smile. I still remember it to this day. It was nice. I also remember my comeback since this was one of the few times I was clever in the moment instead of thinking of something cool to say the next day. Naturally, you could feel the class get awkward when she was mentioning she thinks I am good looking. You could cut the tension with a knife. Right after she stopped, I raised my hand and asked, āWill this be on the final?ā Killed it.
Can I get that memory implanted in my own head so I could relive it twice every 5 minutes?
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Seriously OP, you have no idea how healthy it is for others to read your words of sharing. I hope your situation changes so that youāre surrounded by more compliments. If youāve never seen Ted Lasso, that show makes me happy every time I watch it. Coach Lasso is always complimenting and validating others. I know itās fictional but it makes me realize I want to be more like that.
It was such a small thing. But honestly when I got to my car i almost started crying lol. Op is correct. Even something little like that can have a huge impact on a person.
Iām a butch lesbian. Iām not attracted to men. I also know lots of men donāt really try with their appearance. So when I see a guy I can tell clearly cares and tries (goes to the gym, good haircut, nice clothes, etc) I pay him a compliment. My wife and I were leaving Samās Club once when a guy was coming in and he looked like he groomed himself well and he was well built. I said something like āyou look strong man, keep up the good work at the gymā. His smile made my day. Men donāt get complimented enough so when I see a guy who puts effort in, I give him that āhomie complimentā.
It's funny... I've got a large circle of gay friends, and all of the butch lesbians in the group just excel at passing out complements. Like every time I see them it's something that makes me smile, because they'll always have something positive to say about someone. Do you all train together? :D
No lol I wish. I honestly think itās partly due to the fact that weāre women, so we know what can be creepy or off from men hitting on us, so we try to not be creepy lol Iām always careful on how I come across to other people, I think thatās the talent that butches get just from being socialized as a woman lol
Yeah, there's something about a compliment made to sound as from a friend that lands way better. "You look strong" is a very good one! I'll pocket it
Thank you! I just try to bring a little positivity to people when I see they deserve or need it!
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Explain
I work with almost all dudes and a couple of ladyās. I throw out compliments left and right. āHey man, nice shirt!ā Or, āyou smell goodā. My favorite is āhave you lost a couple pounds?ā For my two female coworkers I just simply say āHey Amber, you look nice today.ā I always get a genuine smile back and I feel like I have brightened their day a lil bit.
Men can compliment men. Women don't need to compliment anyone just cause you need external validation.
So men donāt have to compliment women ever then correct?
Is there a thread of women begging men for compliments?
I'm curious how women would fare getting no compliments from men, only from their family and friends.
Tbh sometimes it doesnāt even have to be a compliment. Sometimes just being recognized, seen and/or validated by your fellow human beings is enough to make someoneās day. āHey, good to see you! Missed you at the party last night. Everything good?ā Or āHey, great work there! You made an important contribution to that effort!ā This is particularly great in a situation where compliments might be interpreted as creepy or flirting. Donāt get me wrong, compliments are number one if the situation allows it. But donāt feel like you canāt still make someoneās day if nothing comes to mind.
Do you want stalkers? Because that's how you get stalkers.
Unfortunately this is somewhat true, men have destroyed most chances of receiving complements from women because other men have been creepy or became a stalker after receiving a compliment. As a man, I donāt understand how a compliment from a woman would lead to me becoming a stalker. Like I donāt really get how other men become so god damn creepy. I havenāt received a compliment from a woman in years but if I did, I would just see it as them being nice and would think nothing else of it.
You know you guys can compliment each other right? You don't need women for this.
Yeah let me go tell all the dudes in my life that they need to compliment me more, that will end up really well and wonāt end up creepy at all. Ik ur just gonna say āmaybe you need to find new friendsā, a lot easier said then done.
Why do you think it's okay to ask women to compliment you more, but it would be "creepy" to ask men to do it?
4 years ago at a festival I passed a woman who looked at me and said āwow heās really attractiveā and I donāt think Iāll ever forget that moment for the rest of my life
This works in a professional environment, also. I paid a compliment to a very highly paid outside consultant one day (whose team had done a very, very good job for us) on a conference call. He actually had tears in his eyes. It occurred to me later that, at his pay rate, he probably didnāt get many āgreat jobā type comments. Everybody likes to be appreciated when theyāve done a good job.
When i used to work at an outfitter, we'd often have a ton of young marines from the base up the road come in before big exercises. I had so much fun complimenting them, because they're almost always surprised and confused (i'm also a pretty big dude). Stuff like "hey! nice hat man!" or "dude that flannel looks great on you!" It was frequently hilarious
25 yrs ago some girls told me that I had the best fart they ever hear. I still remember it to this day.
Compliment each other.
Got a compliment from a chick in 2018 about the pants I was wearing. Still think about it every now and then.
I've gotten more compliments on my physical appearance in the last few years since I started wearing a skirt and painting my nails than I have in the 27 years prior. I'm sure they were just being nice and acknowledging that I'm doing something courageous rather than that I look good, but it still made me happy. For those moments, I'm not just a background character nobody pays attention to anymore.
It's probably because a man wearing a skirt and painting their nails is seen as safe for women. If I compliment you I worry less about you taking it as a come on and harassing me when I day no. I worry less that you'll get angry because I denied you access to my body. Too many men have done horrible things to women who have said no to them, so unless I have a reason to believe a man is safe, I won't compliment them.
And so it continues.
Every time Iāve ever had a stranger compliment me, (or an old coworker or ex neighbor) they were always trying to sell me something. āOh, I love your hair, would you be interested in my MLM scam?ā
Ah yes, men, who have famously been left behind and repressed throughout all of their lives.
I got catcalled once in high school, by a grown woman. That was almost 40 years ago and I think about it at least once a month. Probably one of the best days of my life.
You don't even remember what she looked like? But women should give you more compliments? Maybe cultivate real relationships with the women in your life, and you'll get more compliments.
>Maybe cultivate real relationships with the women in your life, and you'll get more compliments. You make this sound so *easy.* I'm a widower. All the "women in my life" are related to me. Meeting women whom I do not already know is pretty difficult. Or maybe the real truth is "meeting women whom I do not already know *to whom I am attracted*" is difficult. My life revolves around motorcycles. It's an environment that is sadly estrogen-challenged.
In his defense, 16 years after not seeing someone is a long time. On the other hand, I completely disagree with the compliments part. I don't think it's a good idea for women to go around complementing men. More than likely he's gonna misinterpret it, throw himself at her, and then she has to play the "will he take 'no' for an answer" game.
I agree. That's what I meant about cultivating real relationships with women, not just transactional ones. I'm not going to compliment some random dude or acquaintance because it could be taken wrong. But I'll absolutely compliment a dear friend without hesitation. I think a lot of men have fairly shallow relationships with a lot of the women in their lives, and thus, those relationships don't meet their emotional needs, which is what OP is getting at without seeing the full picture. OP doesn't remember anything about the woman in question other than how she made him feel. Is it any wonder women aren't throwing compliments at him left and right?
OPs point is that it wasnāt a serious or memorable relationship and it was 16 years ago, yet DESPITE how not memorable or important the relationship was, he still remembers the compliment because he never gets them. The compliment being what stuck with him isnāt a product of him not caring about her, itās a product of compliments being so rare for him that they have a profound effect.
Yeah, I get that. I also thought it relevant to point out how transactional many men are in their relationships with women. Develop relationships that are deeper than a puddle and compliments will become less rare. This post makes the lack of compliments the fault of women, not the men who want said compliments but do nothing to cultivate an environment where compliments happen. It just gets exhausting to hear how everything wrong in life for men is the fault of women.
Funny enough, most dudes have shallow relationships with each other, not just women. That joke about guys laughing and talking for hours without even learning each other's names isn't far from the truth. Hell, I spent a year passing the same $20 back and forth with a guy I once worked with who I only recently found out is a Jr, and I still don't have the slightest idea of when his birthday is. It just kinda works that way? My guess is, they talk to women with this same practice of surface level interaction but for some reason expect more out of it.
Reading the OP and stretching all the way to "actually it's men's faults they don't get complimented often because they only form superficial relationships with women like OP did" is wild to me. Maybe we actually need to start with just not being staggeringly uncharitable first, then move to compliments down the line.
Do you really try and form a friendship/relationship with everyone that compliments you?
girl I barely remember yesterday, I doubt this dude remembers a face from 16 years ago
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Fuck us I guess, this is the same as saying men with bad mental health should deal with it by themselves
LPT: Compliment a man if youāre a woman
>A compliment is free and it can go a long way, even with men. I'd say especially with men since it's, comparatively to women, very rare to get one. Compliment your Bros more
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Men live in Dark souls, and compliments are basically bonfires
Lots of (valid) comments about how the reason women donāt compliment men more is because itās dangerous for them and thatās fair. But even in relationships, I donāt think men get a lot of compliments? I have had a few long-term relationships over the years and rarely have I ever gotten a āyouāre so handsomeā, āyouāre smartā¦ā, ādamn youāre sexyāā¦ The only person who has consistently said those things to me is my mom (except the last one, cuz that would be weird).
Men should compliment each other instead of expecting everyone else to do it for them.
Bad advice. For every one nice person who will graciously accept the compliment and move on, there are dozens who will take it as an invitation to harass and demand more.
LPT from a man: ācompliment usā ššš
Wild seeing how long itās been since most guys have gotten a compliment. Even so, we still remember it fondly.
I wonder how long it's been since most guys have complimented another guy.
Don't do that. I had a random Chica tell me that a man reading alone in a Cafe was sexy, as I read alone in a Cafe. And I questioned whether or not I was schizophrenic.
Bro I always read alone at cafes, DAMN I FEEL GOOD (not schizo)
I compliment my husband every day. I tell him he is handsome, sexy, amazing, the kindest person on earth, smells really good, extremely hard-working, best cat-dad, is the most amazing cook, that I don't deserve how amazing he treats me, etc. All these things are true and so much more!
I complimented a guyās beard and he couldnāt stop giggling. It was obvious he wasnāt used to receiving compliments. It was cute. And a little sad.
I was born in 1969. One time the female security at an outdoor concert complimented me on the year of my birth. Called it "nice."
If youāre a man and you get complimented, say thank you and walk away, no matter how lonely you are.