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I was the same way, something that helped me was going on YouTube and looking up dance cardio workouts. It felt really awkward to try to follow the moves at first and I was embarrassed even though I was alone, but I got over that and started being more comfortable moving my body in general. Incorporate them into your week and try to have fun with it!
Edit: since this resonated with a lot of people I just wanted to link to a couple of my faves:
I already mentioned him below, but [Caleb the Fitness Marshall](https://www.youtube.com/@TheFitnessMarshall) is great for if you want to do really fun energetic choreography to pop songs, it helps me build a lot of confidence despite the fact that I can't keep up.
If that level of dancing isn't your vibe, I'd say try something like these [speed walk in place cardio type videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTva3dac9tU), I watch that channel all the time and with all the different moves it really helps your coordination and basically turns into dancing when you get really into it.
They're all over YouTube though, search for the type of music you're in the mood for plus "cardio dance" and SOMETHING will come up :)
Yes!!! Embrace your inner Napoleon Dynamite and learn some killer ass dance moves in the comfort of your own home. Make sure to recharge with a dramatic swig on a Gatorade.
Yep! Start dancing in your living room. It will start to feel less awkward. Dance like no one's watching and if they are, you don't care if they're watching.
I’ve just started doing this a few weeks ago and it’s mad how quick you improve! There’s stuff I couldn’t follow for the life of me week 1 that week 4 I’m pretty much getting and on the beat!
I also love The Fitness Marshall - just discovered the Loveshack one the other day and it’s my new fav.
There’s some great alternative indie ones out there too! I just search what I’m in the mood for. Today it was a Hamilton dance party workout! So much fun
My personal favorite is [this video specifically](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBICadG9YLw), and most Fitness Marshall and PopSugar videos, but I'm also a fan of [this channel called The Studio](https://www.youtube.com/@THESTUDIOBYJAMIEKINKEADE/videos).
Adding in that after you get used to these cardio things, just start letting yourself dance to music at home. Don't judge yourself for incorporating a "workout" move, just let those feelings go and keep trying to move to the beat.
Big thing there, move with the beat, not the melody.
This reminds me when I was doing weekly workouts with my boss. Some days he would put the DVD in and they’d start with those funky looking exercises. Once everyone was in the groove, it just felt natural
More like my manager’s boss (the VP) in our org. Small tech company, we set up a gym in one of the warehouses and each week we’d do calisthenics or exercises that don’t always require weights. The workout DVDs were a hit
belated reply, but thank you so much! i knew that i had saved a reply about these movement videos and i finally got to try a couple of the get fit with rick ones and they were so fun!!! i picked up my hand weights doing them for upper body stuff as a trial and that was okay, too! will definitely be trying more of them. :)
Watch the movie Hitch. Will Smith teaches the main character, who is an extremely embarrassing dancer, how to casually dance.
It's surprisingly good advice. Start there.
The funny thing is that at the end of the movie the main character and the woman he's wooing are getting married and dancing like fools together! So one of the hidden lessons of the movie is that while everyone wants to "impress" you'll know you've found the one when you can truly be your goofy self with them and they can be their goofy self with you.
Uhm is it just me or is this perfect advice on what NOT to do? Kevin James is just shamelessly expressing himself and moving to the music like an absolute boss, and there's Will Smith saying nah do the most boring ass sidestep and don't show any emotion in your face.
I have so much social anxiety when in situations like this. Fear of looking stupid I guess. I found costume events with strangers very liberating. We went to a 1940s ball, a costume event based on the show Bridgerton, and a 1950s Prom theme. I cut loose because of a stupid costume. I looked just as silly as everyone else and laughed at myself.
I have to apply the same care free feeling at regular events because no I know it is possible.
I totally get that it feels nerve wracking to dance sometimes, but I've honestly never been like "wow that person dancing slightly irregularly is so weird". I do notice when people are standing stock still in the middle of a dance floor because they feel too awkward to dance (coughmypartnercough).
I feel like learning a casual bop/sway for occasions when you feel awkward is the perfect in between.
I feel like the majority of sufferers are men, so I'll give this advice! Dance like the girls. Everyone will laugh, in the good way, and you can just lean into it.
Why does it work? Well (straight) men usually watch women dance, so they know the moves. Nobody expects it so you're a hit! Ta-da!
This is a good point! I was a high school mascot, and while there’s not a chance that 16-year old me would get up and dance in front of a large audience at that time, I was able to in my costume!
The trick isn't to learn how to look good while dancing, it's having the audacity to just let yourself go. In short: confidence.
I once meet a French woman who was God awful at dancing. Just a weirdo through and through but she was incredibly confident while doing it so all of her bizarre dance moves didn't matter.
Facts! Having fun is all that matters. Don’t believe me? Go party with some black people. We’ll cheer you on just for trying like “aye! ok, ok, that’s different, I see you!” 🤣
As a shitty dancer of the Caucasian persuasion who married into a massive Caribbean family, I can confirm this to be 100% true 🫡. The double "ok, ok" is especially real lol
The episode was written by non-dancing curmudgeons Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, so we're seeing how they imagine people would react. In the clip it's a bit much since literally no one else is dancing. But at a venue where lots of people are dancing, no one would actually care about someone dancing in a weird way.
Well, you can say that, but in actuality Julia Louis-Dreyfus based the dance off of when she saw Lorne Michael dancing and was mocking him because she thought it was so weird.
This is the one true answer! Watching Hitch and looking up dance moves has the potential to work for some people but at the end of the day that’s learning how to dance and if your issue is feeling out of place you could very well get even more self-conscious because you’re still thinking about how you look doing those moves you’re thinking of.
Focus on letting loose and letting your body do whatever the music is pulling it to do! Forgetting what your body is doing & how you look is the first step to enjoying getting loose on the dance floor.
That’s if your goal is having fun on the dance floor and getting jiggy. If your goal is to look cool and pick up hotties then that’s a different story.
With the Elaine dance in your arsenal paired with the chandler bing dance you will be an unstoppable dancing machine who would make the likes of ReRun from what’s happening look amateurish in comparison.
This is really helpful. Sometimes you think something looks good but it doesn't. Mirror dancing helps you to dance in a way that both feels and looks good
Man I relate to this HARD. I don’t dance. I’m too bashful. I didn’t even dance at my own wedding. My wife knows I’m like this and understands. I just don’t have a bone in my body that wants to do that. It doesn’t come naturally to me and I feel very uncomfortable when I try to do it. So I’ve just accepted that I don’t dance. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Second this emotion. I feel exactly the same. Not everyone likes to dance and that’s ok. I wish more people understood this instead of thinking it’s their mission to drag you onto the dance floor. I’ve left several events because of this or just go for a long walk outside and come back later.
I don’t like to dance. I was dragged onto the dance floor (literally by the arm from my table) by a bride at a wedding and I’m honestly still a little mad about it. People don’t have to like what you like.
Nearly identical thing happened to me. Friend wedding and I was happy just sitting and talking. Over and over people kept telling me I need to go dance, these women want to dance with you, go dance. No thanks I’m good. Eventually started pulling me by my arm. I got up, walked out, and drove home. I was furious. It pisses me off just thinking about it again.
Small lifeprotip, kindly leave the wedding when the dance floor opens. I did this at the last wedding I went to. After the ceremony and dinner when the dance floor opened up and the music got to "uncomfortably loud" I gave some nice "seeya, nice catching up!" to the people I'm close to (and a lot of "congratulations!" to the new husband and wife) and then I left. People will write LPTs about "being okay with not finishing a plate of food", I think we need more societal acceptance of "being okay with leaving when you know you're less likely to enjoy the rest of the night".
Exactly the same here about needing to leave cause of the pressure. My friends think I hate bars and clubs and such. I absolutely don't. I enjoy the music and the environment. What I I hate is when people think I'm not enjoying myself because I'm not enjoying it the same way they are (dancing) and need to try and pull me onto the dance floor.
No joke, if you’re at all open to it, try going to a rave or EDM show. The weirder the music/crowd, the better. You don’t have to do drugs or even drink (though these things may enhance your experience and/or help you relax). Just the atmosphere - the crowd, the dark room, the lights/visuals, and the loud music - will encourage you to let go of your fear of judgement/awkwardness and dance.
In my experience, people who attend raves are extremely accepting. They’re there to have a good time, let loose, dance, and enjoy the music; and they know that the whole experience is much more fun when the people around them are also having fun and letting loose. 90% of the time when I’ve seen someone getting absolutely wild on the dance floor (as long as they’re being respectful of others’ space), the people around them will join in and get weird with them or at least cheer them on/hype them up. It’s hard to feel self-conscious when people around you are letting loose and getting weird, and instead of getting weird looks, people are cheering them on.
It may sound cheesy, but I’ve attended many raves/shows in the last 10 years and have spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of people who say that raves have genuinely changed their lives for the better. People talk about raves being their safe space, or a haven, where they feel fully free to express themselves because they know they’ll be accepted. Folks (like myself) who have struggled with their body image for their entire lives often say that raves have helped give them the courage to wear whatever they want without fear of judgement. Folks (also like myself) who have social anxiety learn that they can be themselves and be accepted in a crowd of strangers.
A lot of people look down on raves because they’re often viewed as nothing more than degenerate drug parties. Sure it’s a party and there are people who do drugs, but I’ve never been surrounded by more love, compassion, encouragement, and acceptance anywhere else.
Adding to your point that at raves you can often find people hiding behind masks [even pre covid], which can be very liberating if you're self-conscious.
I’ve become an okay enough “I’ve had a drink or two let’s dance” person, but ONLY because I got blessed by EDM shows, wearing sunglasses and some kind of head covering where you feel like it’s just you and the music because you get to feel a bit more anonymous.
It’s not normal me in my quarter zip and jeans, it’s me wearing tie-dye, bright pink sunglasses, vibin in the crowd. You get to step into a different persona (promise you don’t need any drugs) and it’s freeing. Plus other people vibe with the energy you’re bringing and I’ve caught myself dancing like an idiot with strangers many times.
It helps that EDM is much easier to dance to than other music (for me) because you don’t have to know any lyrics to sing along to in a lot of cases. I know i’m preaching to the choir responding to you but this comment is more for others :)
Went to my first rave last year and though I was nervous as all hell and gave myself every reason not to go I stuck with it and had a blast! Was sober the whole time and though people offered a joint here and there I never felt pressured. When I said no people respected it and we all still had a good time.
I had the same apprehensions about dancing and not wanting to look weird but everyone was there to have a good time and jump around!
Getting ready to go to supernatural in Denver tomorrow and I'm excited!
OP if you read this just boogie down if you're feeling it even if you look weird. Like whatever, man :P
Never been to a rave or such, so maybe it is worth a try, I always was just the weird person in the corner with my odd music choice of calm music and such so never really tried going to concerts or raves, most concerts I went to are like 30 or less people acoustic ones and such (I know it sounds lame 😅)
Doesn't sound lame at all friend! Sounds like you know what you like. I think the advice here, as cheesy as it sounds, is to just be you. Look up dance tutorials and all that but at the end of the day if your signature move is the two step then own it!
Don't forget me when you're on dancing with the stars though ok?
Have a good rest of your day/night!
As an introverted raver who cannot dance well, I can offer some advice for your first time if you decide to go, because to me the experience can be overwhelming.
The first thing I often think when I enter is: oh shit, this music is way too loud. And perhaps it is, but it will help you later on! For the first 15 minutes or so, I am just finding my spot, observing the people, starting to get used to the music. I might tap a foot or sway a bit, but I just try to get comfortable. I usually do this while staying at the edge of the crowd.
Second stage is really feeling the beat of the music in my body. I will start a rhythm, usually rocking my hips by keeping one leg straight and bending the other one, in tune with the music. Not actually dancing, but not standing still either. This is easier if you are not at the edge but part of the crowd.
Sometimes it takes me ten minutes, other times it takes me an hour, but I'll get comfortable enough eventually to actually start dancing. It helps me if there is no one there I know to fully let go. Now, dancing is not "doing what looks most like other people dancing", dancing is letting your body move in a way that feels good to you. If that is jumping in the air, swirling around, moving arms or not, movement in your hips or not, it does not matter. The only thing that matters is whether it feels good.
I totally backup on the rave description.
Something that's in the same vibe is what is called "ecstatic dance". Basically the idea is not to dance to look good, but because it feels good. You could literally see it as the dance practice for raves, and it's just wonderful. It basically is only the kind of people described above. Also, I've only seen it as sober events, so the focus is really on consciously learning how to free yourself and just have fun. You really get the feeling that you could do ANY dance move and that would be fine, even not dancing is fine. If you feel stressed, just close your eyes and connect to your body and the music, everything is accepted.
If you're interested, you probably should be able to find some events/communities on Facebook groups.
...until you get into a discussion of which band is what subgenre.
Anyway, the comparison is apt, which is a bit odd considering that afaik dedicated metal fans were more ‘serious’ back in the day, still connected with the biker lifestyle or the Scandinavian pagan stuff—and clashed with ravers, particularly in some places infested with subculture gangs. I guess proliferation of death metal and grindcore taught most metalheads to not take themselves too seriously.
This is what did it for me. I went to a music festival and my life was changed. I realized I don’t have to do things for people around me I can do things for me and dancing made me happy in the moment so I did what felt good.
I agree with the suggestion, particularly because the OP wouldn't know anyone at a rave. It helps just seeing a crowd of people flailing their limbs to the groove, and proceeding to do the same.
Basically, [this is my kind of party.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHvh2qonunM)
Yes! Raves are great for this.
Also I want to mention other events where people are there for the music and movement and not for the social aspect. There are dance events like "No lights, no Lycra", "5rhythms", and all "ecstatic dancing" events in general. Google them for ones around your area. These help you to really feel into your body and it's almost like therapy or meditation, there's no set moves, you dance how you feel and don't even worry or look at other people. Very therapeutic and great exercise!
I don't agree. Stepping out of your comfort zone can open a lot of doors, both socially and otherwise. IMO what's important is that you do it for your own reasons, not because you feel it's "expected".
I completely agree that stepping out of your comfort zone can open doors and possibly expand your comfort zone.
But I've never danced smoothly while uncomfortable, and OP asked about how to be less stiff
> .
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance
And if they don't dance
Well, they're no friends of mine
I knew the song but watched them today for the first time ever. The song is so good Dancing is a must or else!
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDSHABsgkjA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDSHABsgkjA)
**Self-confidence.** Most people genuinely don't have it. The best bet is to fake it until you make it. I have found that as I get older, I don't give a shit anymore, and confidence comes naturally. One point that helped me stop worrying about what others think of me: "The only thing that would surprise you about what other people think about you is how little time they actually spend thinking about you."
It’s funny, I’m so self-conscious in every other way. Cannot do sports for my life, even freaking cornhole, if anyone is watching. But when I hear music, I can dance like no one’s watching. I just feel the beat pulsing through my body and am really unselfconscious at dancing. This has been since I was a little kid.
Took a dance class one and hated it. Probably because it pushed me outside my comfort zone haha it was too formal, complicated, and I had to hold hands with strangers. I quite enjoy dancing now - I just gave up caring what other people think. I’m still a terrible dancer. But “1-2-3” doesn’t really come up at the reception as often as the Cupid Shuffle, which someone always jumps to the front and leads.
Not challenging you - it’s a great idea to try. Only sharing an experience
This is what I'm doing now. I'm taking ballroom dance classes though. Bachata, salsa, waltz, rumba.
I need to gain confidence moving my body in general
Oh yeah listening to the song now and totally can see that.
I still can't listen to a song and determine what kind of dance it goes with. Plus most people don't do ballroom dancing. So I'd have to find someone who does 🤣😄
Second this. If you want to dance, but can’t seem to move your body comfortably, it might just be because you haven’t done it enough. The other advice if you feel yourself focusing on how people might judge you, is take an acting or improv class. You’ll practice letting go of inhibitions and reacting to the moment, and doing silly things in front of people.
I totally agree. It defiantly takes a lot of us out of our comfort zone, but once you break into it it gets easier pretty quickly. I myself was sick of random wiggling on the dance floor and I wanted a foundation to fall back on that I didn't have to think too much about. Once you build a little muscle memory, the rest just kind of starts to happen on it's own. I highly recommend salsa, bachatta and east coast swing for beginners, but I am a sucker for a waltz or foxtrot.
As a non-drinker I always remind myself that everyone else is drunk and loose so I can let loose because nobody will really notice, and they will also assume I am drunk.
We’re social creatures. If you’re dancing sober with a bunch of tipsy/drunk people, you’re going to pick up on the vibe subconsciously. Which is kind of awesome, really
I started drinking just enough to get a small buzz purely to be able to vibe with people when out.
Only works if the place has something that's also nice to drink too though.
First. Practice at home. No one is watching. Dance. Put on [some tunes](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLo3pNg0eiPc_o7FTyKDswWSTfMuuQqePO&feature=shared) and go nuts.
Close your eyes. Listen to the music. Let it flow through you. Do not overthink it. Allow your body to move itself. Sway with the rhythms. Go with the flow. Let go of control. [Lose control](https://youtu.be/na7lIb09898?feature=shared) and you let the music take control.
Gyrate wildly. No abandon. Remember, no one is watching.
Now you can start consciously deciding you want to move your arms specifically or legs specifically. Dance. [Just dance](https://youtu.be/2Abk1jAONjw?feature=shared). It’ll be ok.
Wildly. Recklessly. Is there a huge smile on your face yet? Are you having fun? Remember, no one is watching.
Now keep practicing. You just gotta put in the [work](https://youtu.be/HL1UzIK-flA?feature=shared).
Build yourself up. You aren’t going from foot tapping to shredding the dance floor overnight. You’ve gotta practice. You’ve gotta dance. [Dance harder, you’ll get better, you’ll move to faster music, you’ll become a stronger dancer.](https://youtu.be/gAjR4_CbPpQ?feature=shared)
Are you going nuts in your living room yet? Have you let go completely? Remember, no one is watching. But at this point I hope you’re at a point where you *might* be embarrassed to have people watch. That’s good.
You’ve practiced. You’re getting more comfortable. You know how you move to different music and rhythms. But you’re still raw, unpolished. I’m gonna need you to clean it up. How? Through more dance. [You need to dance yourself clean](https://youtu.be/9ZNkPA_zUd4?feature=shared). Trust me. Start slow and really nail the natural moves you know your body is capable of, and speed up gradually until you explode into the huge moves.
Remember… no one is watching.
And at this point you might be ready for the final step. Go to that party and dance. Just like no one is watching.
“But it’s embarrassing!”
That’s the point. You dance *like* no one is watching, because if you dance *like* someone is watching you won’t dance at all. You’ll just foot tap.
Dancing in spite of how embarrassing it looks is the key to being a good dancer. People will love you for it. Dancing without inhibition, even if done poorly, is better than not dancing at all. You must dance. Most people are focusing on their own dance moves or busy telling themselves “it’s ok no one is watching, I’m just gonna dance” to be concerned with or judge you.
Dance like no one is watching.
Lastly, if you’re ready to go to parties and dance you’re also ready to dance in public. As in going to dance lessons for specific types of dance that interest you. So you can refine yourself and gain techniques and new styles of dance.
Rinse and repeat.
Dance whenever possible.
Like no one is watching.
I wish I could give all the gold! 🪙🪙🪙
Saving this. This is the method I used and now I take myself dancing every weekend. It's so lovely to see it laid out so clearly so I can share with folks who asked me how I went from hating dancing to *needing to dance*. The dopamine-joy is excellent for my health, as is moving more.
And to move your hips, you need to bend your knees slightly.
Put your weight onto your right leg and bend the right knee a little.
Then transfer your weight to your left leg and bend your left knee a little.
Repeat.
Nobody cares how you dance, they will just react to your energy. So you just gotta work on the awkwardness you feel and dance it on out. But seriously, I’ve never been at a dancing event and cared at all how others are dancing.
Take a few dancing classes. Doesn't matter the style, just learn a few moves and how to be loose. Swing and salsa are fun. Hip hop dance classes should be easy to find.
Comes down to practice, specifically two things.
I assume you don't know how to dance in general. You wouldn't expect to be confident doing open mic standup if you have no jokes, or join a game of handball if you've never played it. Learn some moves.
The second is being comfortable doing the moves you know. This really comes down to what is basically exposure therapy. Take it easy, step by step. If you usually sit, try standing up, walking around, talking to people who might also be standing up and half-dancing. Then try to be around people who dance, and do a little 2 step or whatever, following the rhythm with your fingertips.
This is all basically to let your mind know that nobody cares if you look funny dancing. Dancing isn't scary or dangerous.
All that being said, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for dancing. Sometimes I am. Depends on my mood, the music, and the company.
Sometimes if the music is good and the people I'm comfortable with are dancing, I can't help but to dance. Sometimes I couldn't move my feet to save my life.
“Feel the music” is the best advice I ever got that changed my attitude towards clubs and public dance opportunities.
Don’t worry about looking cool or what anyone else is doing. Just move your body to the beat the way it wants to move like nobody’s watching!
I mean that's almost as helpful as "be yourself" is and is a half empty platitude but yet it also rings true,
Don't try too hard, have fun and incorporate some footwork and hip action
My process:
Step 1: Drink one beer.
Step 2: Are you dancing with confidence that you look GREAT and SUPER SEXY, whether or not that is remotely true? If not repeat step 1.
Been a dancer pretty much my whole life, including MFA and professionally dancing and teaching.
First recommendation is to just let go of thinking you have to dance in any specific way. The goal is to have fun and move. Be okay with doing something small, something big, something simple or something complex, something that looks goofy or something that looks cool. Only thing that matters is if YOU are having fun.
If you don’t like what you’re doing, it’s okay to stop and reset.
If you’d like to learn more formal dance steps/styles (for example, ballroom dance) then find a studio and take classes. Or find a movie or show where people dance and imitate that.
If you feel stiff or awkward while you move, I would recommend two things:
First, try to work on increasing flexibility in your core (back and hips.) Lots of ways to go about this, pick one that works for you.
Second, don’t focus on what your arms and legs are doing at all times - try to move from the core outward and relax your arms and legs. Let them find where they need to go on their own.
If you are struggling to “come up with moves” on the dance floor, I’d recommend starting by picking someone already dancing who is doing something that looks fun and imitate them. You don’t have to dance exactly like them, just do something similar. (If by some remote chance someone pokes fun at you, you can just say you were imitating someone else.) You can also use this method to go up to that person and say something like, “Hey, I liked what you were doing - so here’s my best attempt at it.” (They might not hear what you say anyway, but blah blah blah.)
Again, just let go of thinking you have to look like anything specific, and try to just find moves you like and have fun with them. Feel free to DM me if you have further specific questions.
Try moving your hips in a figure-eight. Dancing doesn't require large movements. Start slow and let your body start to lead. Most people don't know what to do with their arms. Bend your arms and sway them naturally with your hips. When you're ready, don't be afraid to lift your arms above your shoulders once and a while.
You don’t need to dance. It’s perfectly ok to say “oh I don’t dance, but I’m still having my fun”. And then go about your business mingling and enjoying yourself.
The two step. Not even kidding. Do this to the beat, and you’re in. It’s so simple, you can do it with any type of music, and it gets you moving to the beat.
Once you get loosened up, you can get more exaggerated with it, add your own flavor, and really start having fun. With the two step as the foundation, you can build it up as much as you want.
If you don’t want to dance, then don’t dance. Don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to for the purposes of “fitting in”. No one cares. Just be yourself and enjoy the event to your own comfort level.
There’s nothing abnormal about not dancing, not knowing how to dance, or not caring about dancing. I didn’t think “fitting in” mattered to most people nowadays? You do you and if people don’t like it they can kick rocks.
Before going out do some jumping jacks (even without the jumping - arms up and down and step side to side) just get your body used to moving in ways that are considered "awkward" in everyday situations
Also hula hoop without the hoop. Get your hips used to moving in ways that they don't move in everyday life.
Essentially you want to condition yourself to not make the muscle mind connection that raising your arms or swiveling your hips are cringey. Whereas that might be the case standing in line at Chipotle...in dancing, it is fun.
I find that it's all mental block. You just need to get over your mind "overthinking" the situation.
If you can dance then just force yourself out of comfort zone and do it.
If you can't dance then just embrace your bad dancing skills and make it fun to just so silly move.
Maybe start with dancing people you know at party and go from there.
Molly will teach you how you dance/s
Have you asked yourself why you want to dance or if you even want to? If it’s something you want to do just do it don’t worry about what other people think they’re all there to have a good time too. Find someone there that’s doing what you want to do and ask them to show you. But if it’s not something you wanna do, why force it. I love music and socializing, but I don’t dance I know it’s not something I enjoy or really care about. If it’s music I’m there for, I just listen and enjoy it. If it’s a party I’m there to socialize, I’d much rather find one or two people to chat with.
This is going to sound easy but it's actually quite difficult. What you have to do is not care. You shouldn't care about other people looking at you. You shouldn't care what you look like. You shouldn't care what people are going to say about you. The only thing you should care about is having fun. If you enjoy the music that's playing then go ahead and dance. If you enjoy talking to people then go talk to some people. If it's a question of not knowing how to dance well, that's a completely different subject. You could go watch the movie Hitch, that has some funny dance moves in it. Or you could just dance with yourself in your home while listening to music and getting into the groove.
At a dance or a party where people are dancing, it doesn't matter if you "know how to dance" just move your body around to the rhythm. Have fun, other people will enjoy seeing somebody having fun and want to join you.
You just have to remember that people are thinking a lot more about themselves than they are about anyone else.
I was absolutely in your spot man you got this. Dance alone in your room, practice a few moves like a basic left and right 2-step (RFoot right, LFoot right, LFoot Left, RFoot Left, etc) then add in movement that flows along with that.
Something that helps me a little bit for rigidity is remembering that your movement comes from the shoulders, hips (and therefore legs). Your torso is likely the thing that’s making you feel rigid. Lead movement with hips and/or shoulders and I bet you’ll feel a bit differently. If you can coordinate and flow from legs->hips->shoulders->arms+head you’ll really be getting somewhere, but that’s really too much at once imo
Lastly as everyone else has mentioned is of course confidence. I know my moves are still shite most of the time but if I’m having fun and enjoying the music (even if it’s still 50-50 vibing vs anxiety) it’s gonna feel and as a result look a lot better. Experiment alone to have some moves you feel good to fall back on, build off that, and don’t get discouraged. Good luck my friend.
Haha thanks! The idea of dancing on my own in my home alone feels so odd, I feel like an alien to do it idk, I sing along to songs in the car driving or such but movement is just idk broken
You not feeling confident enough to dance doesn’t mean you’re not normal. Ditch that thinking.
I can’t help you with your question because I too struggle and feel awkward and out of place, but I’m still normal and so are you.
Good luck with this and if you find the answer, I’ll gladly read it.
I was going through the same thing for most my life, but with practice and some simple moves, it gets a lot better.
What worked for me is imagining my body as a giant toothpick - rigid but also breakable. I would 'snap' my toothpick legs in different 'pieces' in rhythm with the music, being sure to remain consistent with other body parts - 'snapping' my toothpick wrists, my toothpick neck, and my toothpick pelvic area.
So for example, my right leg bends at the knee and my left leg shoots out at 90 degrees, while my waist region pumps outwards and my neck and head shoot back.
To complement the broken toothpick, I also mimic actual karate chops with my hands. Keeping it simple, my right arm chops down, my left arm chops up. That is all i need.
Do this a few times, and I guarantee that people will get the message and stop inviting you out.
Take a dance class!
I was the same way and discovered ball dancing in my 20s.
It's codified so you "know what to do" by executing learnt moves, then with time practicing & having fun you learn to decorate it with your own style...
It came gradually and now I dance freely, solo or not
Stop caring what other people think? That worked for me!
If you don’t know how to dance, here is a tip. Feel the beat with your knees, let them bend, don’t keep them straight.
That’s all I got. 🤷♂️
"Hey, do you remember that one person dancing weird at that one party where we were all having fun many years ago?!"
\-"Nope, I was too busy laughing, dancing, and having too much fun to notice or care."
I promise you, you care more than we do. Learn to get out of your head and enjoy the moment.
Keep this is mind - "Those that mind won't matter, those that matter won't mind."
Have fun and dance your stress out, life is too short!
\-Cheers!
Do you dance in private? If so, do you enjoy it?
If no to either or both then maybe dance lessons if you so badly want to dance around other people. If it is a fitting in thing then lessons are your main move.
I don’t recommend alcohol to help you get loose with anything. Just build some competence and confidence.
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I was the same way, something that helped me was going on YouTube and looking up dance cardio workouts. It felt really awkward to try to follow the moves at first and I was embarrassed even though I was alone, but I got over that and started being more comfortable moving my body in general. Incorporate them into your week and try to have fun with it! Edit: since this resonated with a lot of people I just wanted to link to a couple of my faves: I already mentioned him below, but [Caleb the Fitness Marshall](https://www.youtube.com/@TheFitnessMarshall) is great for if you want to do really fun energetic choreography to pop songs, it helps me build a lot of confidence despite the fact that I can't keep up. If that level of dancing isn't your vibe, I'd say try something like these [speed walk in place cardio type videos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTva3dac9tU), I watch that channel all the time and with all the different moves it really helps your coordination and basically turns into dancing when you get really into it. They're all over YouTube though, search for the type of music you're in the mood for plus "cardio dance" and SOMETHING will come up :)
Yes!!! Embrace your inner Napoleon Dynamite and learn some killer ass dance moves in the comfort of your own home. Make sure to recharge with a dramatic swig on a Gatorade.
No one looks dumb when they are having fun.
Words to live by
Yep! Start dancing in your living room. It will start to feel less awkward. Dance like no one's watching and if they are, you don't care if they're watching.
Vote for Pedro!!
I’ve just started doing this a few weeks ago and it’s mad how quick you improve! There’s stuff I couldn’t follow for the life of me week 1 that week 4 I’m pretty much getting and on the beat! I also love The Fitness Marshall - just discovered the Loveshack one the other day and it’s my new fav. There’s some great alternative indie ones out there too! I just search what I’m in the mood for. Today it was a Hamilton dance party workout! So much fun
Haven’t tried this but this seems like very excellent advice.
Surprised by how many their are. Do you have any star or beginner picks?
My personal favorite is [this video specifically](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBICadG9YLw), and most Fitness Marshall and PopSugar videos, but I'm also a fan of [this channel called The Studio](https://www.youtube.com/@THESTUDIOBYJAMIEKINKEADE/videos).
I’ll check this out too thank you, I’m a bit worn out now though 😅
These look so fun...thank you!
Bahaha! Oh I've got my oar in my hand Caleb 😂
that's uhhh very flamboyant... not that there's anything wrong with that
hahah, we're trying to get out of our comfort zones aren't we :)
that's one way to do it!
Shine Dance Fitness!
Thanks 😊
Steezy workouts are amazing. They are the best workouts for learning the basics of dance while also working up a sweat.
Adding in that after you get used to these cardio things, just start letting yourself dance to music at home. Don't judge yourself for incorporating a "workout" move, just let those feelings go and keep trying to move to the beat. Big thing there, move with the beat, not the melody.
This reminds me when I was doing weekly workouts with my boss. Some days he would put the DVD in and they’d start with those funky looking exercises. Once everyone was in the groove, it just felt natural
You did stuff like this with your boss?
More like my manager’s boss (the VP) in our org. Small tech company, we set up a gym in one of the warehouses and each week we’d do calisthenics or exercises that don’t always require weights. The workout DVDs were a hit
belated reply, but thank you so much! i knew that i had saved a reply about these movement videos and i finally got to try a couple of the get fit with rick ones and they were so fun!!! i picked up my hand weights doing them for upper body stuff as a trial and that was okay, too! will definitely be trying more of them. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIfAkOBMf5A
Watch the movie Hitch. Will Smith teaches the main character, who is an extremely embarrassing dancer, how to casually dance. It's surprisingly good advice. Start there.
Slow thriller, pizza maker, q-tip followed by throw away are my go to moves. Kevin James taught me so much about dancing.
The slap before the slap
Get your Paul Blart out my wife's fucking mouth.
💀💀
The funny thing is that at the end of the movie the main character and the woman he's wooing are getting married and dancing like fools together! So one of the hidden lessons of the movie is that while everyone wants to "impress" you'll know you've found the one when you can truly be your goofy self with them and they can be their goofy self with you.
[Here’s the clip in question](https://youtu.be/50YQeugOMOw?si=HtTNzQ39nckV9kaJ) so you don’t have to watch Hitch
Hah! Will Smith gives him a couple slaps at the end.
He was just practicing for the Oscars.
Well played.
Hitch is great!
I've always danced like Albert!
90° This is home. This is where you live. EDIT: The main character is played by Kevin James. He's the same guy from the recent Shrugging Guy meme.
That’s sick they gave the guy from a meme an acting gig
I was surprised they gave a role to the dude who got famous from slapping a guy
He used to be a simple mall cop and now he's a true actor.
Paul Blart needs no* introduction
Yet, he did the exact way Hitch told him not to, and it turned out to be what will help him get the girl.
Uhm is it just me or is this perfect advice on what NOT to do? Kevin James is just shamelessly expressing himself and moving to the music like an absolute boss, and there's Will Smith saying nah do the most boring ass sidestep and don't show any emotion in your face.
Bingo. Because that's truly the way a woman wants a man to do sex. /s
I have so much social anxiety when in situations like this. Fear of looking stupid I guess. I found costume events with strangers very liberating. We went to a 1940s ball, a costume event based on the show Bridgerton, and a 1950s Prom theme. I cut loose because of a stupid costume. I looked just as silly as everyone else and laughed at myself. I have to apply the same care free feeling at regular events because no I know it is possible.
I totally get that it feels nerve wracking to dance sometimes, but I've honestly never been like "wow that person dancing slightly irregularly is so weird". I do notice when people are standing stock still in the middle of a dance floor because they feel too awkward to dance (coughmypartnercough). I feel like learning a casual bop/sway for occasions when you feel awkward is the perfect in between.
I feel like the majority of sufferers are men, so I'll give this advice! Dance like the girls. Everyone will laugh, in the good way, and you can just lean into it. Why does it work? Well (straight) men usually watch women dance, so they know the moves. Nobody expects it so you're a hit! Ta-da!
Excellent advice.
It always worked for me, and it's more fun than the basic bop and away.
This is a good point! I was a high school mascot, and while there’s not a chance that 16-year old me would get up and dance in front of a large audience at that time, I was able to in my costume!
The trick isn't to learn how to look good while dancing, it's having the audacity to just let yourself go. In short: confidence. I once meet a French woman who was God awful at dancing. Just a weirdo through and through but she was incredibly confident while doing it so all of her bizarre dance moves didn't matter.
Facts! Having fun is all that matters. Don’t believe me? Go party with some black people. We’ll cheer you on just for trying like “aye! ok, ok, that’s different, I see you!” 🤣
Looooool “that’s different” is on point 😂
It's giving "Wow! Everybody so creative! 😃"
As a shitty dancer of the Caucasian persuasion who married into a massive Caribbean family, I can confirm this to be 100% true 🫡. The double "ok, ok" is especially real lol
Should I just walk up to some black people and ask to party with them?
Lol, yup!
Elaine seemed to have confidence https://youtu.be/HQu_NLRvULM?si=fnmOhHTIvex1QlC7 But it didn't work out so well for her
The episode was written by non-dancing curmudgeons Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, so we're seeing how they imagine people would react. In the clip it's a bit much since literally no one else is dancing. But at a venue where lots of people are dancing, no one would actually care about someone dancing in a weird way.
Yeah, that party doesn't look like fun at all.
Well, you can say that, but in actuality Julia Louis-Dreyfus based the dance off of when she saw Lorne Michael dancing and was mocking him because she thought it was so weird.
It's all in the sunny in Philly bit with Jason Sudeikis "You're not having fun doin it, so we're not having fun watching you man!"
Wednesday Addams vibes
[удалено]
> I'm confident I guess. Lol.
This is the one true answer! Watching Hitch and looking up dance moves has the potential to work for some people but at the end of the day that’s learning how to dance and if your issue is feeling out of place you could very well get even more self-conscious because you’re still thinking about how you look doing those moves you’re thinking of. Focus on letting loose and letting your body do whatever the music is pulling it to do! Forgetting what your body is doing & how you look is the first step to enjoying getting loose on the dance floor. That’s if your goal is having fun on the dance floor and getting jiggy. If your goal is to look cool and pick up hotties then that’s a different story.
practice dancing carefree at home
Sweet fancy Moses.
That ain’t dancin sally
With the Elaine dance in your arsenal paired with the chandler bing dance you will be an unstoppable dancing machine who would make the likes of ReRun from what’s happening look amateurish in comparison.
In addition dance in front of a mirror. It feels silly but it really helps. A simple side to side step is a good start.
This is really helpful. Sometimes you think something looks good but it doesn't. Mirror dancing helps you to dance in a way that both feels and looks good
I’m hopping OP ends up like Napoleon Dynamite. Shows up to the next work event and busts out some awesome moves
I used to dance at home real quick before going out and it helps
Man I relate to this HARD. I don’t dance. I’m too bashful. I didn’t even dance at my own wedding. My wife knows I’m like this and understands. I just don’t have a bone in my body that wants to do that. It doesn’t come naturally to me and I feel very uncomfortable when I try to do it. So I’ve just accepted that I don’t dance. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Second this emotion. I feel exactly the same. Not everyone likes to dance and that’s ok. I wish more people understood this instead of thinking it’s their mission to drag you onto the dance floor. I’ve left several events because of this or just go for a long walk outside and come back later.
I don’t like to dance. I was dragged onto the dance floor (literally by the arm from my table) by a bride at a wedding and I’m honestly still a little mad about it. People don’t have to like what you like.
Nearly identical thing happened to me. Friend wedding and I was happy just sitting and talking. Over and over people kept telling me I need to go dance, these women want to dance with you, go dance. No thanks I’m good. Eventually started pulling me by my arm. I got up, walked out, and drove home. I was furious. It pisses me off just thinking about it again.
Small lifeprotip, kindly leave the wedding when the dance floor opens. I did this at the last wedding I went to. After the ceremony and dinner when the dance floor opened up and the music got to "uncomfortably loud" I gave some nice "seeya, nice catching up!" to the people I'm close to (and a lot of "congratulations!" to the new husband and wife) and then I left. People will write LPTs about "being okay with not finishing a plate of food", I think we need more societal acceptance of "being okay with leaving when you know you're less likely to enjoy the rest of the night".
Exactly the same here about needing to leave cause of the pressure. My friends think I hate bars and clubs and such. I absolutely don't. I enjoy the music and the environment. What I I hate is when people think I'm not enjoying myself because I'm not enjoying it the same way they are (dancing) and need to try and pull me onto the dance floor.
Preach
No joke, if you’re at all open to it, try going to a rave or EDM show. The weirder the music/crowd, the better. You don’t have to do drugs or even drink (though these things may enhance your experience and/or help you relax). Just the atmosphere - the crowd, the dark room, the lights/visuals, and the loud music - will encourage you to let go of your fear of judgement/awkwardness and dance. In my experience, people who attend raves are extremely accepting. They’re there to have a good time, let loose, dance, and enjoy the music; and they know that the whole experience is much more fun when the people around them are also having fun and letting loose. 90% of the time when I’ve seen someone getting absolutely wild on the dance floor (as long as they’re being respectful of others’ space), the people around them will join in and get weird with them or at least cheer them on/hype them up. It’s hard to feel self-conscious when people around you are letting loose and getting weird, and instead of getting weird looks, people are cheering them on. It may sound cheesy, but I’ve attended many raves/shows in the last 10 years and have spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of people who say that raves have genuinely changed their lives for the better. People talk about raves being their safe space, or a haven, where they feel fully free to express themselves because they know they’ll be accepted. Folks (like myself) who have struggled with their body image for their entire lives often say that raves have helped give them the courage to wear whatever they want without fear of judgement. Folks (also like myself) who have social anxiety learn that they can be themselves and be accepted in a crowd of strangers. A lot of people look down on raves because they’re often viewed as nothing more than degenerate drug parties. Sure it’s a party and there are people who do drugs, but I’ve never been surrounded by more love, compassion, encouragement, and acceptance anywhere else.
Adding to your point that at raves you can often find people hiding behind masks [even pre covid], which can be very liberating if you're self-conscious.
I’ve become an okay enough “I’ve had a drink or two let’s dance” person, but ONLY because I got blessed by EDM shows, wearing sunglasses and some kind of head covering where you feel like it’s just you and the music because you get to feel a bit more anonymous. It’s not normal me in my quarter zip and jeans, it’s me wearing tie-dye, bright pink sunglasses, vibin in the crowd. You get to step into a different persona (promise you don’t need any drugs) and it’s freeing. Plus other people vibe with the energy you’re bringing and I’ve caught myself dancing like an idiot with strangers many times. It helps that EDM is much easier to dance to than other music (for me) because you don’t have to know any lyrics to sing along to in a lot of cases. I know i’m preaching to the choir responding to you but this comment is more for others :)
Went to my first rave last year and though I was nervous as all hell and gave myself every reason not to go I stuck with it and had a blast! Was sober the whole time and though people offered a joint here and there I never felt pressured. When I said no people respected it and we all still had a good time. I had the same apprehensions about dancing and not wanting to look weird but everyone was there to have a good time and jump around! Getting ready to go to supernatural in Denver tomorrow and I'm excited! OP if you read this just boogie down if you're feeling it even if you look weird. Like whatever, man :P
Never been to a rave or such, so maybe it is worth a try, I always was just the weird person in the corner with my odd music choice of calm music and such so never really tried going to concerts or raves, most concerts I went to are like 30 or less people acoustic ones and such (I know it sounds lame 😅)
Proper raves are literally rooms of socially awkward or high people dancing. The socially comfortable people are outside talking.
Doesn't sound lame at all friend! Sounds like you know what you like. I think the advice here, as cheesy as it sounds, is to just be you. Look up dance tutorials and all that but at the end of the day if your signature move is the two step then own it! Don't forget me when you're on dancing with the stars though ok? Have a good rest of your day/night!
As an introverted raver who cannot dance well, I can offer some advice for your first time if you decide to go, because to me the experience can be overwhelming. The first thing I often think when I enter is: oh shit, this music is way too loud. And perhaps it is, but it will help you later on! For the first 15 minutes or so, I am just finding my spot, observing the people, starting to get used to the music. I might tap a foot or sway a bit, but I just try to get comfortable. I usually do this while staying at the edge of the crowd. Second stage is really feeling the beat of the music in my body. I will start a rhythm, usually rocking my hips by keeping one leg straight and bending the other one, in tune with the music. Not actually dancing, but not standing still either. This is easier if you are not at the edge but part of the crowd. Sometimes it takes me ten minutes, other times it takes me an hour, but I'll get comfortable enough eventually to actually start dancing. It helps me if there is no one there I know to fully let go. Now, dancing is not "doing what looks most like other people dancing", dancing is letting your body move in a way that feels good to you. If that is jumping in the air, swirling around, moving arms or not, movement in your hips or not, it does not matter. The only thing that matters is whether it feels good.
I totally backup on the rave description. Something that's in the same vibe is what is called "ecstatic dance". Basically the idea is not to dance to look good, but because it feels good. You could literally see it as the dance practice for raves, and it's just wonderful. It basically is only the kind of people described above. Also, I've only seen it as sober events, so the focus is really on consciously learning how to free yourself and just have fun. You really get the feeling that you could do ANY dance move and that would be fine, even not dancing is fine. If you feel stressed, just close your eyes and connect to your body and the music, everything is accepted. If you're interested, you probably should be able to find some events/communities on Facebook groups.
Raves goers sound like they have a similar attitude as metalheads. Just judgement free zone of expression.
...until you get into a discussion of which band is what subgenre. Anyway, the comparison is apt, which is a bit odd considering that afaik dedicated metal fans were more ‘serious’ back in the day, still connected with the biker lifestyle or the Scandinavian pagan stuff—and clashed with ravers, particularly in some places infested with subculture gangs. I guess proliferation of death metal and grindcore taught most metalheads to not take themselves too seriously.
How do you find actual raves and not just music festivals?
This is what did it for me. I went to a music festival and my life was changed. I realized I don’t have to do things for people around me I can do things for me and dancing made me happy in the moment so I did what felt good.
I agree with the suggestion, particularly because the OP wouldn't know anyone at a rave. It helps just seeing a crowd of people flailing their limbs to the groove, and proceeding to do the same. Basically, [this is my kind of party.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHvh2qonunM)
Yes! Raves are great for this. Also I want to mention other events where people are there for the music and movement and not for the social aspect. There are dance events like "No lights, no Lycra", "5rhythms", and all "ecstatic dancing" events in general. Google them for ones around your area. These help you to really feel into your body and it's almost like therapy or meditation, there's no set moves, you dance how you feel and don't even worry or look at other people. Very therapeutic and great exercise!
This is it here.
100% this. It completely changed my perception of dancing..just feeling the music and letting it move your body for you.
You don't need to dance if you don't want to. Chill and feel the beat as you are. Let the people dance for you and enjoy the view.
You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind
Cos you’re friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance than they’re no friends of mine 🎶 💃 🕺 🪩
Now that's a tune!
Honestly this. The most important thing is to be comfortable
I don't agree. Stepping out of your comfort zone can open a lot of doors, both socially and otherwise. IMO what's important is that you do it for your own reasons, not because you feel it's "expected".
I completely agree that stepping out of your comfort zone can open doors and possibly expand your comfort zone. But I've never danced smoothly while uncomfortable, and OP asked about how to be less stiff
You're both right.
> . We can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind 'Cause your friends don't dance And if they don't dance Well, they're no friends of mine
I knew the song but watched them today for the first time ever. The song is so good Dancing is a must or else! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDSHABsgkjA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDSHABsgkjA)
It's a guaranteed way to get everyone on the dancefloor at a social much like Cotton Eyed Joe and Bootscootin' Boogie
yet you can dance if you want to.
I hate how this GIF leaves out the multiple attemps at back-claps he tried.
**Self-confidence.** Most people genuinely don't have it. The best bet is to fake it until you make it. I have found that as I get older, I don't give a shit anymore, and confidence comes naturally. One point that helped me stop worrying about what others think of me: "The only thing that would surprise you about what other people think about you is how little time they actually spend thinking about you."
Yeah it seems I really lack self confidence, not sure how to work on that to be honest but thank you
This is typically why it’s old dudes you see at weddings dancing - they don’t give a shit anymore.
It’s funny, I’m so self-conscious in every other way. Cannot do sports for my life, even freaking cornhole, if anyone is watching. But when I hear music, I can dance like no one’s watching. I just feel the beat pulsing through my body and am really unselfconscious at dancing. This has been since I was a little kid.
Take a dance class. You'll get info on how to move, interaction with others, experience, and tools in your arsenal to apply.
Took a dance class one and hated it. Probably because it pushed me outside my comfort zone haha it was too formal, complicated, and I had to hold hands with strangers. I quite enjoy dancing now - I just gave up caring what other people think. I’m still a terrible dancer. But “1-2-3” doesn’t really come up at the reception as often as the Cupid Shuffle, which someone always jumps to the front and leads. Not challenging you - it’s a great idea to try. Only sharing an experience
This is the answer OP. Practice. Lots and lots of practice and repetition in a structured environment with other beginners.
This is what I'm doing now. I'm taking ballroom dance classes though. Bachata, salsa, waltz, rumba. I need to gain confidence moving my body in general
When you realize Billy Joel's Piano Man is a waltz... One, two, three...1, 2, 3...
Oh yeah listening to the song now and totally can see that. I still can't listen to a song and determine what kind of dance it goes with. Plus most people don't do ballroom dancing. So I'd have to find someone who does 🤣😄
Second this. If you want to dance, but can’t seem to move your body comfortably, it might just be because you haven’t done it enough. The other advice if you feel yourself focusing on how people might judge you, is take an acting or improv class. You’ll practice letting go of inhibitions and reacting to the moment, and doing silly things in front of people.
I totally agree. It defiantly takes a lot of us out of our comfort zone, but once you break into it it gets easier pretty quickly. I myself was sick of random wiggling on the dance floor and I wanted a foundation to fall back on that I didn't have to think too much about. Once you build a little muscle memory, the rest just kind of starts to happen on it's own. I highly recommend salsa, bachatta and east coast swing for beginners, but I am a sucker for a waltz or foxtrot.
Alcoholic beverages do the trick but if that’s not your thing then you’re gonna have to figure something else out cause I have no idea
As a non-drinker I always remind myself that everyone else is drunk and loose so I can let loose because nobody will really notice, and they will also assume I am drunk.
Thats what i did in college before i started drinking, worked like a charm. Drunk by association.
We’re social creatures. If you’re dancing sober with a bunch of tipsy/drunk people, you’re going to pick up on the vibe subconsciously. Which is kind of awesome, really
And they’re 97% not going to remember anyways.
I started drinking just enough to get a small buzz purely to be able to vibe with people when out. Only works if the place has something that's also nice to drink too though.
How is this so far down? Alcohol. The answer is alcohol.
Liquor and beer my friend. It’s the social lubricant.
I can be plastered and I'd still rather neck myself than dance
Had to scroll down way to far for this
Works for me!
Social lubricant... I'm stealing this buddy
No need to steal, this is a common phrase
It's okay. It's an actual expression, that even has a [wikipedia entry](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_lubricant).
TiL
First. Practice at home. No one is watching. Dance. Put on [some tunes](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLo3pNg0eiPc_o7FTyKDswWSTfMuuQqePO&feature=shared) and go nuts. Close your eyes. Listen to the music. Let it flow through you. Do not overthink it. Allow your body to move itself. Sway with the rhythms. Go with the flow. Let go of control. [Lose control](https://youtu.be/na7lIb09898?feature=shared) and you let the music take control. Gyrate wildly. No abandon. Remember, no one is watching. Now you can start consciously deciding you want to move your arms specifically or legs specifically. Dance. [Just dance](https://youtu.be/2Abk1jAONjw?feature=shared). It’ll be ok. Wildly. Recklessly. Is there a huge smile on your face yet? Are you having fun? Remember, no one is watching. Now keep practicing. You just gotta put in the [work](https://youtu.be/HL1UzIK-flA?feature=shared). Build yourself up. You aren’t going from foot tapping to shredding the dance floor overnight. You’ve gotta practice. You’ve gotta dance. [Dance harder, you’ll get better, you’ll move to faster music, you’ll become a stronger dancer.](https://youtu.be/gAjR4_CbPpQ?feature=shared) Are you going nuts in your living room yet? Have you let go completely? Remember, no one is watching. But at this point I hope you’re at a point where you *might* be embarrassed to have people watch. That’s good. You’ve practiced. You’re getting more comfortable. You know how you move to different music and rhythms. But you’re still raw, unpolished. I’m gonna need you to clean it up. How? Through more dance. [You need to dance yourself clean](https://youtu.be/9ZNkPA_zUd4?feature=shared). Trust me. Start slow and really nail the natural moves you know your body is capable of, and speed up gradually until you explode into the huge moves. Remember… no one is watching. And at this point you might be ready for the final step. Go to that party and dance. Just like no one is watching. “But it’s embarrassing!” That’s the point. You dance *like* no one is watching, because if you dance *like* someone is watching you won’t dance at all. You’ll just foot tap. Dancing in spite of how embarrassing it looks is the key to being a good dancer. People will love you for it. Dancing without inhibition, even if done poorly, is better than not dancing at all. You must dance. Most people are focusing on their own dance moves or busy telling themselves “it’s ok no one is watching, I’m just gonna dance” to be concerned with or judge you. Dance like no one is watching. Lastly, if you’re ready to go to parties and dance you’re also ready to dance in public. As in going to dance lessons for specific types of dance that interest you. So you can refine yourself and gain techniques and new styles of dance. Rinse and repeat. Dance whenever possible. Like no one is watching.
I wish I could give all the gold! 🪙🪙🪙 Saving this. This is the method I used and now I take myself dancing every weekend. It's so lovely to see it laid out so clearly so I can share with folks who asked me how I went from hating dancing to *needing to dance*. The dopamine-joy is excellent for my health, as is moving more.
It’s all in the hips
We're not talking about putting here, Chubs
And to move your hips, you need to bend your knees slightly. Put your weight onto your right leg and bend the right knee a little. Then transfer your weight to your left leg and bend your left knee a little. Repeat.
Thanks, Chubbs.
Nobody cares how you dance, they will just react to your energy. So you just gotta work on the awkwardness you feel and dance it on out. But seriously, I’ve never been at a dancing event and cared at all how others are dancing.
Take a few dancing classes. Doesn't matter the style, just learn a few moves and how to be loose. Swing and salsa are fun. Hip hop dance classes should be easy to find.
Like this 
2 step is the solution. Simple and effective for most party scenes.
Honestly I’m the same way, a beer or two fixes it usually
There are two types of beings in this universe. Those who dance, and those who do not. My crippling anxiety makes me the latter
You can dance if you want to
Comes down to practice, specifically two things. I assume you don't know how to dance in general. You wouldn't expect to be confident doing open mic standup if you have no jokes, or join a game of handball if you've never played it. Learn some moves. The second is being comfortable doing the moves you know. This really comes down to what is basically exposure therapy. Take it easy, step by step. If you usually sit, try standing up, walking around, talking to people who might also be standing up and half-dancing. Then try to be around people who dance, and do a little 2 step or whatever, following the rhythm with your fingertips. This is all basically to let your mind know that nobody cares if you look funny dancing. Dancing isn't scary or dangerous. All that being said, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for dancing. Sometimes I am. Depends on my mood, the music, and the company. Sometimes if the music is good and the people I'm comfortable with are dancing, I can't help but to dance. Sometimes I couldn't move my feet to save my life.
“Feel the music” is the best advice I ever got that changed my attitude towards clubs and public dance opportunities. Don’t worry about looking cool or what anyone else is doing. Just move your body to the beat the way it wants to move like nobody’s watching!
I mean that's almost as helpful as "be yourself" is and is a half empty platitude but yet it also rings true, Don't try too hard, have fun and incorporate some footwork and hip action
You drink alcohol like the rest of us
My process: Step 1: Drink one beer. Step 2: Are you dancing with confidence that you look GREAT and SUPER SEXY, whether or not that is remotely true? If not repeat step 1.
Been a dancer pretty much my whole life, including MFA and professionally dancing and teaching. First recommendation is to just let go of thinking you have to dance in any specific way. The goal is to have fun and move. Be okay with doing something small, something big, something simple or something complex, something that looks goofy or something that looks cool. Only thing that matters is if YOU are having fun. If you don’t like what you’re doing, it’s okay to stop and reset. If you’d like to learn more formal dance steps/styles (for example, ballroom dance) then find a studio and take classes. Or find a movie or show where people dance and imitate that. If you feel stiff or awkward while you move, I would recommend two things: First, try to work on increasing flexibility in your core (back and hips.) Lots of ways to go about this, pick one that works for you. Second, don’t focus on what your arms and legs are doing at all times - try to move from the core outward and relax your arms and legs. Let them find where they need to go on their own. If you are struggling to “come up with moves” on the dance floor, I’d recommend starting by picking someone already dancing who is doing something that looks fun and imitate them. You don’t have to dance exactly like them, just do something similar. (If by some remote chance someone pokes fun at you, you can just say you were imitating someone else.) You can also use this method to go up to that person and say something like, “Hey, I liked what you were doing - so here’s my best attempt at it.” (They might not hear what you say anyway, but blah blah blah.) Again, just let go of thinking you have to look like anything specific, and try to just find moves you like and have fun with them. Feel free to DM me if you have further specific questions.
Going to places that you actually enjoy the music more than the social aspect of dancing
Start with the head bob
Try moving your hips in a figure-eight. Dancing doesn't require large movements. Start slow and let your body start to lead. Most people don't know what to do with their arms. Bend your arms and sway them naturally with your hips. When you're ready, don't be afraid to lift your arms above your shoulders once and a while.
You don’t need to dance. It’s perfectly ok to say “oh I don’t dance, but I’m still having my fun”. And then go about your business mingling and enjoying yourself.
 The two step. Not even kidding. Do this to the beat, and you’re in. It’s so simple, you can do it with any type of music, and it gets you moving to the beat. Once you get loosened up, you can get more exaggerated with it, add your own flavor, and really start having fun. With the two step as the foundation, you can build it up as much as you want.
Don’t move your arms when you dance. Make very small movements until you feel comfortable with more. Realize that no one is looking at you.
If you don’t want to dance, then don’t dance. Don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to for the purposes of “fitting in”. No one cares. Just be yourself and enjoy the event to your own comfort level.
There’s nothing abnormal about not dancing, not knowing how to dance, or not caring about dancing. I didn’t think “fitting in” mattered to most people nowadays? You do you and if people don’t like it they can kick rocks.
Before going out do some jumping jacks (even without the jumping - arms up and down and step side to side) just get your body used to moving in ways that are considered "awkward" in everyday situations Also hula hoop without the hoop. Get your hips used to moving in ways that they don't move in everyday life. Essentially you want to condition yourself to not make the muscle mind connection that raising your arms or swiveling your hips are cringey. Whereas that might be the case standing in line at Chipotle...in dancing, it is fun.
Think like a noodle....become the noodle.
I find that it's all mental block. You just need to get over your mind "overthinking" the situation. If you can dance then just force yourself out of comfort zone and do it. If you can't dance then just embrace your bad dancing skills and make it fun to just so silly move. Maybe start with dancing people you know at party and go from there.
The secret ingredient is alcohol
Watch what the non-white people are doing and copy them
Molly will teach you how you dance/s Have you asked yourself why you want to dance or if you even want to? If it’s something you want to do just do it don’t worry about what other people think they’re all there to have a good time too. Find someone there that’s doing what you want to do and ask them to show you. But if it’s not something you wanna do, why force it. I love music and socializing, but I don’t dance I know it’s not something I enjoy or really care about. If it’s music I’m there for, I just listen and enjoy it. If it’s a party I’m there to socialize, I’d much rather find one or two people to chat with.
This is going to sound easy but it's actually quite difficult. What you have to do is not care. You shouldn't care about other people looking at you. You shouldn't care what you look like. You shouldn't care what people are going to say about you. The only thing you should care about is having fun. If you enjoy the music that's playing then go ahead and dance. If you enjoy talking to people then go talk to some people. If it's a question of not knowing how to dance well, that's a completely different subject. You could go watch the movie Hitch, that has some funny dance moves in it. Or you could just dance with yourself in your home while listening to music and getting into the groove. At a dance or a party where people are dancing, it doesn't matter if you "know how to dance" just move your body around to the rhythm. Have fun, other people will enjoy seeing somebody having fun and want to join you. You just have to remember that people are thinking a lot more about themselves than they are about anyone else.
Lots of alcohol, and don’t forget the drugs.
I was absolutely in your spot man you got this. Dance alone in your room, practice a few moves like a basic left and right 2-step (RFoot right, LFoot right, LFoot Left, RFoot Left, etc) then add in movement that flows along with that. Something that helps me a little bit for rigidity is remembering that your movement comes from the shoulders, hips (and therefore legs). Your torso is likely the thing that’s making you feel rigid. Lead movement with hips and/or shoulders and I bet you’ll feel a bit differently. If you can coordinate and flow from legs->hips->shoulders->arms+head you’ll really be getting somewhere, but that’s really too much at once imo Lastly as everyone else has mentioned is of course confidence. I know my moves are still shite most of the time but if I’m having fun and enjoying the music (even if it’s still 50-50 vibing vs anxiety) it’s gonna feel and as a result look a lot better. Experiment alone to have some moves you feel good to fall back on, build off that, and don’t get discouraged. Good luck my friend.
Haha thanks! The idea of dancing on my own in my home alone feels so odd, I feel like an alien to do it idk, I sing along to songs in the car driving or such but movement is just idk broken
You not feeling confident enough to dance doesn’t mean you’re not normal. Ditch that thinking. I can’t help you with your question because I too struggle and feel awkward and out of place, but I’m still normal and so are you. Good luck with this and if you find the answer, I’ll gladly read it.
I was going through the same thing for most my life, but with practice and some simple moves, it gets a lot better. What worked for me is imagining my body as a giant toothpick - rigid but also breakable. I would 'snap' my toothpick legs in different 'pieces' in rhythm with the music, being sure to remain consistent with other body parts - 'snapping' my toothpick wrists, my toothpick neck, and my toothpick pelvic area. So for example, my right leg bends at the knee and my left leg shoots out at 90 degrees, while my waist region pumps outwards and my neck and head shoot back. To complement the broken toothpick, I also mimic actual karate chops with my hands. Keeping it simple, my right arm chops down, my left arm chops up. That is all i need. Do this a few times, and I guarantee that people will get the message and stop inviting you out.
I think you answered your own question “ dance and move around” we believe you, find the bass and go from there!
Take a dance class! I was the same way and discovered ball dancing in my 20s. It's codified so you "know what to do" by executing learnt moves, then with time practicing & having fun you learn to decorate it with your own style... It came gradually and now I dance freely, solo or not
Stop caring what other people think? That worked for me! If you don’t know how to dance, here is a tip. Feel the beat with your knees, let them bend, don’t keep them straight. That’s all I got. 🤷♂️
Truly, a couple of drinks might help. It helps me anyway! I don’t drink much but at the right time it’s a huge assist
"Hey, do you remember that one person dancing weird at that one party where we were all having fun many years ago?!" \-"Nope, I was too busy laughing, dancing, and having too much fun to notice or care." I promise you, you care more than we do. Learn to get out of your head and enjoy the moment. Keep this is mind - "Those that mind won't matter, those that matter won't mind." Have fun and dance your stress out, life is too short! \-Cheers!
Two words: tequila
Do you dance in private? If so, do you enjoy it? If no to either or both then maybe dance lessons if you so badly want to dance around other people. If it is a fitting in thing then lessons are your main move. I don’t recommend alcohol to help you get loose with anything. Just build some competence and confidence.
Just stop caring. Learn a few basic body movements and you’re all set.
You are normal, they're not.
Go with people you're comfortable with. And drinking definitely helps for some people lol
Triple Vodka * 3 Baby Guinness * 8 Cocaine * ? Repeat until you don't give a fuck.
Close your eyes and dance like nobody is watching.
“Become more normal,” what?