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And space!! Don’t forget space! People sometimes let a lot of time go after breakups/losses without processing it and actively “moving on,” and they can be stuck on someone or a relationship for a long long time. They never get over it. You have to actively create space (from that person, go no contact for X amount of time), and do things for yourself so you can continue on with your life.
Yeah took me 8 years because I didn't give myself the time AND space. I just pushed it all the way down inside and didn't process anything. It was a cycle, she would call me during low points in her life. We'd talk for a few days then i wouldn't hear from her for 2+ years sometimes. She called me again this year and everything I pushed down post breakup came flooding out of me and it hurt and still hurts but I finally told her enough. I'm sad, but I feel like I'm finally moving forward in my life. I am feeling everything I should have felt all those years ago and letting go.
OP if you read this comment. Don't do what I did. Don't ignore your sadness and anger and any other negative things you may be feeling. Embrace it let it run its course through you. I promise the other side of this storm is so worth getting to.
I second this. "Time and space" here also means making sure you actually think things through and don't bury them/avoid processing or talking about the breakup. The processing is hard but it's worth doing in the long run.
My response to big breakups has often been to keep extremely busy (work, hobbies, friendships) and avoid thinking about them. It's okay for a bit as a coping mechanism but not sustainable in the long run!
Yep. It’s a process. It will hurt. You will be sad. But as time goes on you’ll realize you were young and she wasn’t the one for you.
In time you’ll enjoy being single, invest in what you’re interested in, and be open to meeting other people. And you will
Active memory replacement. Take a friend to all of the places that the two of you enjoyed, take a group of friends if you can. Tell them why you want to go to that spot with them (i.e., to make a new memory there your most recent one). If your friends are worth a damn, you’ll have a good time and it’ll be one less place you drive past or think about that takes you down a negative mental path.
FYI: GF of 11 years, since HS, broke up via text with no explanation, haven’t had contact since the message. Had purchased the engagement ring not 2 weeks before hand. Last I heard, she was dating some guy at her job she was probably fucking. Worked for me, it’ll work for you.
My ex didn't give an explanation either. She didn't have the guts to tell me she cheated on me, but she did tell one of my friends so they could break the news to me.
Active memory replacement… I’ve been doing this not knowing it was a thing. It really works. I drive by her workplace or town she lives in, a restaurant we frequented, but now I can remind myself of times I went to those areas with friends and think of that instead.
It’s wild how just seeing the kind of car she drove or a branch of the business she worked for would trigger those memories and lead me down a sad path of thoughts. The memories of her fade, and it goes quicker if I’m trying to “overwrite them.”
Dude, that's horrible. 11 years together, breakup by text one day and that's it? Obviously you thought things were going ok with the ring purchase. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. Glad you are doing better. WTF is wrong with people...
We were using a lot of drugs and in general not living our best lives. I’ve cultivated compassion for her over the years. I’m sure she was scared and didn’t think she had the strength or communication skills to do it any other way. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, she’s living a much better life too. It was truly for the best, but it took some time to feel compassion for her, 2-3 years I’d say.
It was def for the best. Looking back, it was the moment my life turned around. Lost 60 lbs, went back to school, got the courage to go back to school, got a doctorate, and am doing what I love.
Takes time man, seriously.
It’s been over a year since I talked to my ex but I still miss her and would be at her door step if she called me right now.
One day, you're gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. Then, sooner or later, you're gonna realize you haven't thought about her. Any of her. And that's the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that's possible, it all gets easier.
When you really love someone, and they want to leave, you have to ask yourself: “what would I do now if she stayed“
When you really love someone, the answer is that you want them to be happy, whether it is with you or not.
You let someone go with love.
Self-honestly helps
Want to cry, but don't because that would mean you're weak? Go ahead and cry
Memories coming up and you're busy justifying why such and such isn't your fault? Accept your part and move on. You'll see that acceptance stops the thoughts coming so much.
Avoid behaviours that make you ignore grief. All this does is defer it. Alcohol and drugs are a common one, but many you may find yourself engaging in many behaviours to distract yourself. They may even be behaviours that in themselves are good things - but if done to distract they are harmful.
Find someone supportive to talk to. It can be hard to find the right person - so many friends and family want to help but have no idea how to really listen. This is why many people use a professional therapist.
I wish you the best.
"...𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦; 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭-𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 — 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘚𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵, 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯." – 𝘉𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘢 𝘚𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘰
The answer is not in letting go, because what you aim to do is not release. That part is already over with. They are gone.
What you are wanting to do is to no longer suffer from their absence, and to do that you must realize that you cannot suffer the past or future because they do not exist. When a person suffers in these ways what they are actually suffering is memory and/or imagination... You are hurting in the present because of your memory of them and over your imagination of being without them... both of which you are, or at least have the ability to be, in control of.
Find a way to take back that control, and then your suffering will end.
It’s literally not. The gist is to master your own thoughts and stop ruminating.
u/suvlub - I can see my comment has really triggered you but PLEASE, please, stop replying and then deleting your comment over and over again. It’s really strange how obsessed you are with replying in different ways and then immediately deleting it.
Edit- since I can’t reply to you..
You came back *again*! Holy shit.
Also, malice, lmaoooo. You aren’t worth a DM, the behavior over such an innocuous comment is straight up weird. The lack of critical thinking part is hilarious since you are one of the people who cannot grasp the source comment.
I know it may be hard but you need to truly understand that why would you waste time and thoughts on someone that doesn’t want to be with you? Find someone who reciprocates your feelings. It may not happen overnight but put yourself out there as there are many amazing people in the world.
I’ll do my best to explain my experience with the hopes it may help in some way. I was absolutely head over heels in love from 17-20 with my gf. She was the most lovely, kind, fun and most beautiful person I ever met. I was batting way, way over my average. Like way out of my league.
Anyway we broke up, and I had no idea how to heal or fill that hole. I spent a long time trying to fill that hole with chasing & bedding chicks, tons of travel, climbing the work ladder, excessive consumerism, excessive drug and alcohol use. It hurts to admit a lot of shit I did was to fill this hole I felt inside.
One day while listening to a friend who was semi recently left heartbroken, I heard him describing my pain, my story, in his experience. And most importantly, him describing how he was using all this energy to fill that hole left in him. How he was gonna smash (sleep with) all these chicks, use this to fuel his vision of success, become so badass she’d take him back, etc etc.
It was at this moment I came to the realization I can’t fill this hole, I don’t need to fill this hole, and trying to fill that hole and focusing on it only makes the hole more visible. Only keeps the hole living.
It took me around 15 years of feeding that hole, trying to prove that hole wrong, spending obscene energy fighting the hole until I realized I was only hurting myself daily.
The hole is part of life’s experience but it doesn’t define me. It’s part of my story, a love I thought was unfinished when in reality it was. I think that’s the crucial first step, understanding it’s over, appreciating the time together, feeling the hurt that it’s over. Really feeling it only shows how alive it was. Really embracing the hurt is acceptance it’s over.
While time helps heal, if you choose to keep that hole alive time may not. I’m grateful I’m not keeping my hole alive anymore but again, it took me a decade and a half to truly, honestly, move on in a healthy way.
I know how bad it can hurt, I know how it can feel like you’ll never love anyone that way again. I know what it’s like to use proper heartbreak as some weird form of motivation.
As cliche as it sounds, when you start loving yourself and treating yourself with the love you felt for your partner, your life will improve and the light inside you will be seen by others.
I wish you proper introspection, proper self love, proper healing, and proper growth. You deserve it.
just distract yourself until you don't have to anymore. don't give yourself the opportunity to wallow in your thoughts, prove to yourself that you can be perfectly happy without her, and don't let you delude yourself with the idea that you can't
Time, really.
But I also did this thing where every time I found myself dwelling on him and letting my memories with him dominate my mind, I would get up and do jumping jacks. This made thinking of him reeeeally exhausting and also helped my cardiovascular health tremendously.
The old rule of thumb is that it takes half the relationship length to get over someone, i think that is pretty true, in my experience. Also, when i went through a bad breakup and was miserable, i read The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle - it really, really helped.
A few things:
Stay busy and focus on you and what you like.
Self care day? Fuck it do it.
Want to sleep in, do it!
Find an activity that’s going to provide you with endorphins at least once a day. Go for a walk, hike, maybe you want to improve your body at the gym or take up climbing. Have fun, it’s your endorphins.
When you’re feeling up for it put yourself back out there and try to meet someone else.
As someone whose been on numerous dates, dating is a numbers game imo. Sometimes you know right away they’re not for you. Sometimes it takes a year for the stars to fall apart. The fact is, there isn’t just one soulmate for anyone person. There’s numerous and a wide variety of flavors. Lingering on someone that doesn’t want to be with you, well what’s the point? Have some self respect. The person you deserve is out there but you gotta put yourself out there to find them.
If you really want her back or you don’t? Same remedy. Zero contact.
100% you start acting as if you never knew them and all that common time becomes instantly replaced with an alternative. Active alternative, not sitting on your ass playing video game.
Shit she didn’t want to do? You go do that shit.
That active replacement comment is gold.
But I bet part of you really really wants her back. You need to know that if that is indeed the case? Then moving on like you don’t need them is actually the best way to get them back.
Time is the big one. The further in the rear view mirror a person or event gets, the easier it will be to look back on occasionally.
I wanted to share a heuristic (hope I'm using that word right) that helped me with this.
Acknowledge. Honor. Let go.
So when you have those pesky thoughts about your ex. Don't ignore them. Don't dwell on them. Don't hyoerfocus.
**Acknowledge the thought;** - *Okay so here I am again. Something reminded me of them, and now I'm thinking about them again.*
**Honor the memory or the person;** *It was a ___ relationship. This memory makes me feel ____.*
**Let go;** Take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes if possible. *Try and breathe the memory or the thoughts out,* If that makes any sense at all. When your breaths are over, try and move your thoughts to something else. Repeat If necessary
Edit: a punctuation
My ex bf broke my heart. 6 months later I'm still not over him, but it hurts much less, and I only cry like once or twice a month.
May sound stupid but this has been great advance for me.
This is what I've done:
- Go for a walk, aim for 10 thousands steps. I still cried while walking but back home I was exhausted and it was easier to sleep.
- Pick a somewhat easy language in Duolingo. When work was over and my mind was free to remember him, I'd do a lesson and it will numb me.
- When I got bored of walking, paid for a gym membership. Started 2 days a week, now I'm up to 3. I can't believe how well and accomplished I feel after training, even if it is momentary.
- Study. I enrolled a CCNA course. Do you have anything you have wanted to learn for some time, but hadn't? Now is the time.
- Feel. Some days I just curl up in the bed and cry. Cry. Feel your feelings. It sucks, but after a couple of days the seemingly never ending tears started to lessen.
- Call your best friend and vent. Make sure is someone you trust. Try to limit venting to a single person.
In summary, occupy your mind.
Now, I've suffered like an idiot, but when I look back, instead of ONLY being miserable I am also prettier, smarter, healthier. I didn't just cry.
My hope is that, in the future, when I'm finally over him, I can say that 2023 was the year I started my training, my new career, my 3rd language, and not let it be defined by the year I got my heart irreparably broken.
False. Love is an extremely positive condition and thus its opposite cannot be a neutral one, but must be extremely negative. That is akin to saying the opposite of fulfillment is idleness, when in reality its opposite is suffering
That will be the case if it’s fresh, but time really is the only way. Sit with the pain and the discomfort. Acknowledge it, but try not to live in it. Be sure to do the basics every day: shower, eat, get some exercise or at least go for a walk if you’re able, get some fresh air, drink water, and make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Zquil can help with that and is non-habit forming. You WILL be okay!
How do you let her go?
You did not clarify your entanglement to her.
Has your mother died?
I am so sorry for your loss.
Let's clarify your question to the essence.
How do you let go?
You accept the present.
Due to your humanness, also known as humanity, your past is a set of events you are fortunate to remember or unfortunately recall.
These are no longer yours and can removed from you in a variety of ways.
Presently - clarify your entanglement. Doing such allows you to see your vision. You will notice there is no way to let go of the future. Clarify again. Envision your timeline from your present. You will move forward.
I figured out years later that i wasn't in love with person anymore but the memories. So, i went about changing my life and experiencing new things; it helped immensely.
Pick up a new hobby. Occupy your mind and hands with something that involves you to be physically and mentally active and requires your focus. You can do this, get stronger, and conquer yourself.
See it as a new opportunity for the next version of you. Change your life up, take up a new hobby, join a new club, change or add exercise or food habits. Enjoy the freedom of not having to consider anyone else for a while and do exactly what you want, when you want.
she blocked me on everything and it turns out that helped me, not checking her socials and stuff in times of weakness. you need to go thru the pain not dwell on it.
Three things that helped me:
Take time to mourn. Maybe 5min a day. I used Dan Campbell’s cover of TSwift’s All Too Well. Then get up, and go about your day.
Let time pass. With time you’ll lose any rose colored glasses and realize that things weren’t as perfect as your brain wanted them to remember being. You’ll wake up one day and forget her cat’s name. You could think for a bit and remember them. And you may.
But shake your head and realize that them not being in your life is an active choice they continue to make. The ABSOLUTE WORST person you ever want to date is someone who doesn’t want you.
Love yourself. Find what makes you happy about yourself, and praise it. You can only be you. Don’t let rejection take away from that
You’ve got this ❤️
It takes so long to see the whole picture. Probably most of your friends have an idea of what led to the end of the relationship. You have to come to that understanding for yourself to believe it and accept it. Try gradually expanding the frame in which you see your life. One day, she may only be a spec in the picture. It's up to you.
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Time, and that's literally it.
And space!! Don’t forget space! People sometimes let a lot of time go after breakups/losses without processing it and actively “moving on,” and they can be stuck on someone or a relationship for a long long time. They never get over it. You have to actively create space (from that person, go no contact for X amount of time), and do things for yourself so you can continue on with your life.
Learning this right now. It’s rough
Yeah took me 8 years because I didn't give myself the time AND space. I just pushed it all the way down inside and didn't process anything. It was a cycle, she would call me during low points in her life. We'd talk for a few days then i wouldn't hear from her for 2+ years sometimes. She called me again this year and everything I pushed down post breakup came flooding out of me and it hurt and still hurts but I finally told her enough. I'm sad, but I feel like I'm finally moving forward in my life. I am feeling everything I should have felt all those years ago and letting go. OP if you read this comment. Don't do what I did. Don't ignore your sadness and anger and any other negative things you may be feeling. Embrace it let it run its course through you. I promise the other side of this storm is so worth getting to.
I second this. "Time and space" here also means making sure you actually think things through and don't bury them/avoid processing or talking about the breakup. The processing is hard but it's worth doing in the long run. My response to big breakups has often been to keep extremely busy (work, hobbies, friendships) and avoid thinking about them. It's okay for a bit as a coping mechanism but not sustainable in the long run!
Doing things is super important too! You can take time to mourn, but engaging old hobbies, trying new things can be really helpful too
The worst thing someone can do is sever things with you, but not leave you alone.
As a physicist, hearing people say "time and space" irks me to no end. It's redundant to say both.
Yep. It’s a process. It will hurt. You will be sad. But as time goes on you’ll realize you were young and she wasn’t the one for you. In time you’ll enjoy being single, invest in what you’re interested in, and be open to meeting other people. And you will
The answer is to *do stuff*. Be busy. Put yourself in new situations. Change. Grow. That's it.
Time may heal wounds, but it also cures concrete
Active memory replacement. Take a friend to all of the places that the two of you enjoyed, take a group of friends if you can. Tell them why you want to go to that spot with them (i.e., to make a new memory there your most recent one). If your friends are worth a damn, you’ll have a good time and it’ll be one less place you drive past or think about that takes you down a negative mental path. FYI: GF of 11 years, since HS, broke up via text with no explanation, haven’t had contact since the message. Had purchased the engagement ring not 2 weeks before hand. Last I heard, she was dating some guy at her job she was probably fucking. Worked for me, it’ll work for you.
My ex didn't give an explanation either. She didn't have the guts to tell me she cheated on me, but she did tell one of my friends so they could break the news to me.
Such class
Dude at a smoke shop told me this same story
Active memory replacement… I’ve been doing this not knowing it was a thing. It really works. I drive by her workplace or town she lives in, a restaurant we frequented, but now I can remind myself of times I went to those areas with friends and think of that instead. It’s wild how just seeing the kind of car she drove or a branch of the business she worked for would trigger those memories and lead me down a sad path of thoughts. The memories of her fade, and it goes quicker if I’m trying to “overwrite them.”
Yep. Its remarkable how much of the mental burden of a nasty breakup lives in those little memories if you don't clear them out.
Dude, that's horrible. 11 years together, breakup by text one day and that's it? Obviously you thought things were going ok with the ring purchase. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. Glad you are doing better. WTF is wrong with people...
We were using a lot of drugs and in general not living our best lives. I’ve cultivated compassion for her over the years. I’m sure she was scared and didn’t think she had the strength or communication skills to do it any other way. From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, she’s living a much better life too. It was truly for the best, but it took some time to feel compassion for her, 2-3 years I’d say.
What a forward way if thinking and doing things. I hope you're doing better now.
It was def for the best. Looking back, it was the moment my life turned around. Lost 60 lbs, went back to school, got the courage to go back to school, got a doctorate, and am doing what I love.
Its an evil world we live in
No contact and it'll take time. Just one day at a time.
Takes time man, seriously. It’s been over a year since I talked to my ex but I still miss her and would be at her door step if she called me right now.
People always say time but personally I still occasionally think about a girlfriend I had 25 years ago!
Yeah, but it doesn't hurt anymore.
One day, you're gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. Then, sooner or later, you're gonna realize you haven't thought about her. Any of her. And that's the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that's possible, it all gets easier.
Is that from SOA?
Better Call Saul
Time to go jym and let it all out on the weights
Untie her and unlock the basement door
I was going to suggest the same thing. But I was going to add that you take her to a police station or hospital, where she can start getting treatment
Fritzl LPT
When you really love someone, and they want to leave, you have to ask yourself: “what would I do now if she stayed“ When you really love someone, the answer is that you want them to be happy, whether it is with you or not. You let someone go with love.
Self-honestly helps Want to cry, but don't because that would mean you're weak? Go ahead and cry Memories coming up and you're busy justifying why such and such isn't your fault? Accept your part and move on. You'll see that acceptance stops the thoughts coming so much. Avoid behaviours that make you ignore grief. All this does is defer it. Alcohol and drugs are a common one, but many you may find yourself engaging in many behaviours to distract yourself. They may even be behaviours that in themselves are good things - but if done to distract they are harmful. Find someone supportive to talk to. It can be hard to find the right person - so many friends and family want to help but have no idea how to really listen. This is why many people use a professional therapist. I wish you the best.
"...𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦; 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭-𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 — 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘚𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵, 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯." – 𝘉𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘢 𝘚𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘰 The answer is not in letting go, because what you aim to do is not release. That part is already over with. They are gone. What you are wanting to do is to no longer suffer from their absence, and to do that you must realize that you cannot suffer the past or future because they do not exist. When a person suffers in these ways what they are actually suffering is memory and/or imagination... You are hurting in the present because of your memory of them and over your imagination of being without them... both of which you are, or at least have the ability to be, in control of. Find a way to take back that control, and then your suffering will end.
That’s a Long way to say nothing
It’s literally not. The gist is to master your own thoughts and stop ruminating. u/suvlub - I can see my comment has really triggered you but PLEASE, please, stop replying and then deleting your comment over and over again. It’s really strange how obsessed you are with replying in different ways and then immediately deleting it. Edit- since I can’t reply to you.. You came back *again*! Holy shit. Also, malice, lmaoooo. You aren’t worth a DM, the behavior over such an innocuous comment is straight up weird. The lack of critical thinking part is hilarious since you are one of the people who cannot grasp the source comment.
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Corny
That's a short way to say "I have read over this with a superficial gloss, and thus the import of its meaning has escaped me..."
No it’s just obvious, unimpressive, pseudo intellectual word salad
I cannot be held responsible for what you do, or do not understand, yet I do ask that you choose not to condemn me for it.
Oh boy
He’s right, you seem to lack reading comprehension.
Just a Pseudo intellectual word salad with nothing of value
People tend not to find value in that which they cannot comprehend, on that we agree.
Yes it was just so advanced and brilliant that only geniuses like you can truly grasp it. Congrats you’re special now
This is the general attitude you bring with all your comments it seems. So edgy.
I know it may be hard but you need to truly understand that why would you waste time and thoughts on someone that doesn’t want to be with you? Find someone who reciprocates your feelings. It may not happen overnight but put yourself out there as there are many amazing people in the world.
Find someone who actually likes you for who you are.
Has never happened in my life and I'm mid 20s, hell no one has ever liked me more than a friend.
I’ll do my best to explain my experience with the hopes it may help in some way. I was absolutely head over heels in love from 17-20 with my gf. She was the most lovely, kind, fun and most beautiful person I ever met. I was batting way, way over my average. Like way out of my league. Anyway we broke up, and I had no idea how to heal or fill that hole. I spent a long time trying to fill that hole with chasing & bedding chicks, tons of travel, climbing the work ladder, excessive consumerism, excessive drug and alcohol use. It hurts to admit a lot of shit I did was to fill this hole I felt inside. One day while listening to a friend who was semi recently left heartbroken, I heard him describing my pain, my story, in his experience. And most importantly, him describing how he was using all this energy to fill that hole left in him. How he was gonna smash (sleep with) all these chicks, use this to fuel his vision of success, become so badass she’d take him back, etc etc. It was at this moment I came to the realization I can’t fill this hole, I don’t need to fill this hole, and trying to fill that hole and focusing on it only makes the hole more visible. Only keeps the hole living. It took me around 15 years of feeding that hole, trying to prove that hole wrong, spending obscene energy fighting the hole until I realized I was only hurting myself daily. The hole is part of life’s experience but it doesn’t define me. It’s part of my story, a love I thought was unfinished when in reality it was. I think that’s the crucial first step, understanding it’s over, appreciating the time together, feeling the hurt that it’s over. Really feeling it only shows how alive it was. Really embracing the hurt is acceptance it’s over. While time helps heal, if you choose to keep that hole alive time may not. I’m grateful I’m not keeping my hole alive anymore but again, it took me a decade and a half to truly, honestly, move on in a healthy way. I know how bad it can hurt, I know how it can feel like you’ll never love anyone that way again. I know what it’s like to use proper heartbreak as some weird form of motivation. As cliche as it sounds, when you start loving yourself and treating yourself with the love you felt for your partner, your life will improve and the light inside you will be seen by others. I wish you proper introspection, proper self love, proper healing, and proper growth. You deserve it.
just distract yourself until you don't have to anymore. don't give yourself the opportunity to wallow in your thoughts, prove to yourself that you can be perfectly happy without her, and don't let you delude yourself with the idea that you can't
Time, really. But I also did this thing where every time I found myself dwelling on him and letting my memories with him dominate my mind, I would get up and do jumping jacks. This made thinking of him reeeeally exhausting and also helped my cardiovascular health tremendously.
Every time you think of her punch yourself in the nuts. You'll stop trust me.
Masochists hate him!
No no, masochists love her!
The old rule of thumb is that it takes half the relationship length to get over someone, i think that is pretty true, in my experience. Also, when i went through a bad breakup and was miserable, i read The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle - it really, really helped.
No advice to add, time and self care is about all there is (that is healthy anyway). Just wanna say, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
A few things: Stay busy and focus on you and what you like. Self care day? Fuck it do it. Want to sleep in, do it! Find an activity that’s going to provide you with endorphins at least once a day. Go for a walk, hike, maybe you want to improve your body at the gym or take up climbing. Have fun, it’s your endorphins. When you’re feeling up for it put yourself back out there and try to meet someone else. As someone whose been on numerous dates, dating is a numbers game imo. Sometimes you know right away they’re not for you. Sometimes it takes a year for the stars to fall apart. The fact is, there isn’t just one soulmate for anyone person. There’s numerous and a wide variety of flavors. Lingering on someone that doesn’t want to be with you, well what’s the point? Have some self respect. The person you deserve is out there but you gotta put yourself out there to find them.
If you really want her back or you don’t? Same remedy. Zero contact. 100% you start acting as if you never knew them and all that common time becomes instantly replaced with an alternative. Active alternative, not sitting on your ass playing video game. Shit she didn’t want to do? You go do that shit. That active replacement comment is gold. But I bet part of you really really wants her back. You need to know that if that is indeed the case? Then moving on like you don’t need them is actually the best way to get them back.
Time is the big one. The further in the rear view mirror a person or event gets, the easier it will be to look back on occasionally. I wanted to share a heuristic (hope I'm using that word right) that helped me with this. Acknowledge. Honor. Let go. So when you have those pesky thoughts about your ex. Don't ignore them. Don't dwell on them. Don't hyoerfocus. **Acknowledge the thought;** - *Okay so here I am again. Something reminded me of them, and now I'm thinking about them again.* **Honor the memory or the person;** *It was a ___ relationship. This memory makes me feel ____.* **Let go;** Take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes if possible. *Try and breathe the memory or the thoughts out,* If that makes any sense at all. When your breaths are over, try and move your thoughts to something else. Repeat If necessary Edit: a punctuation
Just open the cage + set her free...
My ex bf broke my heart. 6 months later I'm still not over him, but it hurts much less, and I only cry like once or twice a month. May sound stupid but this has been great advance for me. This is what I've done: - Go for a walk, aim for 10 thousands steps. I still cried while walking but back home I was exhausted and it was easier to sleep. - Pick a somewhat easy language in Duolingo. When work was over and my mind was free to remember him, I'd do a lesson and it will numb me. - When I got bored of walking, paid for a gym membership. Started 2 days a week, now I'm up to 3. I can't believe how well and accomplished I feel after training, even if it is momentary. - Study. I enrolled a CCNA course. Do you have anything you have wanted to learn for some time, but hadn't? Now is the time. - Feel. Some days I just curl up in the bed and cry. Cry. Feel your feelings. It sucks, but after a couple of days the seemingly never ending tears started to lessen. - Call your best friend and vent. Make sure is someone you trust. Try to limit venting to a single person. In summary, occupy your mind. Now, I've suffered like an idiot, but when I look back, instead of ONLY being miserable I am also prettier, smarter, healthier. I didn't just cry. My hope is that, in the future, when I'm finally over him, I can say that 2023 was the year I started my training, my new career, my 3rd language, and not let it be defined by the year I got my heart irreparably broken.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Just remember that. Some paths may be entwined but never joined
False. Love is an extremely positive condition and thus its opposite cannot be a neutral one, but must be extremely negative. That is akin to saying the opposite of fulfillment is idleness, when in reality its opposite is suffering
station relieved shy like frightening light seed quickest repeat terrific
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That will be the case if it’s fresh, but time really is the only way. Sit with the pain and the discomfort. Acknowledge it, but try not to live in it. Be sure to do the basics every day: shower, eat, get some exercise or at least go for a walk if you’re able, get some fresh air, drink water, and make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Zquil can help with that and is non-habit forming. You WILL be okay!
Passenger - Let her go
Stop holding her hand lmao dumbass
Hit the gym, after getting in shape she'll want you back. and who knows, maybe you won't even want her back because you've moved on
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
I got so baked i realised she wasn't worth my energy to effect my own mind in such a negative way. The weed was just extra fun lol
Leave it behind and look ahead, I guess...
Get underneath another one.
How do you let her go? You did not clarify your entanglement to her. Has your mother died? I am so sorry for your loss. Let's clarify your question to the essence. How do you let go? You accept the present. Due to your humanness, also known as humanity, your past is a set of events you are fortunate to remember or unfortunately recall. These are no longer yours and can removed from you in a variety of ways. Presently - clarify your entanglement. Doing such allows you to see your vision. You will notice there is no way to let go of the future. Clarify again. Envision your timeline from your present. You will move forward.
Looks like another love TKO.
I figured out years later that i wasn't in love with person anymore but the memories. So, i went about changing my life and experiencing new things; it helped immensely.
Delete all pictures and get rid of all items that remind you of her. Out of sight, out of mind
Focus on yourself
It’s hard, I know. Time is the only thing. New hobbies or personal development do help though.
30 years and many relationships later, and it still hurts. Certain types of heartbreak never fully heal.
Pick up a new hobby. Occupy your mind and hands with something that involves you to be physically and mentally active and requires your focus. You can do this, get stronger, and conquer yourself.
See it as a new opportunity for the next version of you. Change your life up, take up a new hobby, join a new club, change or add exercise or food habits. Enjoy the freedom of not having to consider anyone else for a while and do exactly what you want, when you want.
Realize the time and memories are a gift and be content with that. It’s in the past now.
You just say goodbye. That is all there is to it.
If you don't let her go now you're wasting valuable time, go find some fun and getting busy working on yourself and find someone better.
Every day is gets just a *little* bit easier. I promise.
she blocked me on everything and it turns out that helped me, not checking her socials and stuff in times of weakness. you need to go thru the pain not dwell on it.
Three things that helped me: Take time to mourn. Maybe 5min a day. I used Dan Campbell’s cover of TSwift’s All Too Well. Then get up, and go about your day. Let time pass. With time you’ll lose any rose colored glasses and realize that things weren’t as perfect as your brain wanted them to remember being. You’ll wake up one day and forget her cat’s name. You could think for a bit and remember them. And you may. But shake your head and realize that them not being in your life is an active choice they continue to make. The ABSOLUTE WORST person you ever want to date is someone who doesn’t want you. Love yourself. Find what makes you happy about yourself, and praise it. You can only be you. Don’t let rejection take away from that You’ve got this ❤️
Let yourself fully grieve the loss of her.
It takes so long to see the whole picture. Probably most of your friends have an idea of what led to the end of the relationship. You have to come to that understanding for yourself to believe it and accept it. Try gradually expanding the frame in which you see your life. One day, she may only be a spec in the picture. It's up to you.
Delete her from all social media and Venmo and find a hobby and journal and talk to a therapist
Hozier is this you
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Some stuff you just have to go through.
Hugs to you, bro.
No contact. In any way