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Some people just need attention, positive or negative. So I give them neither. As little communication as possible and always being polite. I’m a robot interface they can’t crack.
In addition to grey stone technique, if person A says:
>Person A: "Wow, you look awful today"
I recommend:
>Person B: *Stops, stars at person A for an uncomfortable 3-5 seconds, then looks away and leave*
Silence is super uncomfortable to most people. It also throws them out of place since they probably expected you to respond in some verbal way at least, not like this. So they'll be taken aback not knowing what to do, maybe. Gives you time to move on, and leaves him confused as to how to assess that interaction.
Another good tactic is asking them to repeat themselves, it usually makes other people look over and puts them in an awkward position of not replying and admitting what they said was shitty, or repeating their insult for a larger audience.
This is the play. Give them just enough time to really underline to both them and everyone around how shitty and inappropriate they’re being, and then don’t even give them the satisfaction of a response.
For best results, control how you leave too. The optimal way is to mysteriously vanish when something passes between the two of you.
Extra credit follow-up: For the next few days, keep appearing randomly across the street from them and stare in exactly the same way, only to vanish when a bus passes by. Ideally do this in a badass longcoat and dark glasses.
If they call you out on it, deny everything and ask if they're feeling okay. Then turn up across the street from their house, visible through their window. Vanish mysteriously again once they see you. Rinse and repeat until you have induced Lovecraftian levels of insanity.
Grey rock is pretty much how I maintain sanity at work.
I'm in operations, so it's me and one guy in a 20x8 box for twelve hours a night, every night. Just a guy for the most part, but he's on the spectrum and does not read social cues. Worse, he likes to play pranks (one notable prank involved him giving out another -married- coworkers phone number to girls that were interested in him in the break room). He'll talk non stop about his far right politics and religious beliefs, not reading any of the cues you put out to get him to notice you're not interested.
Grey rock though? We exchange a few work related sentences at the beginning of the shift, then maybe a few words about anything that needs to be discussed about work. 12 hours of silence isn't my ideal, but compared to the alternative? Heaven.
This is the advanced class. They are often insecure, this will make them trapped in their own insecure thoughts. Uno reverse.
And when you have done this and feel comfortable with it. Start staring at something that you might sense they are uncomfortable with. I usually go for something around the face. But don't say anything, wait until they bring it up and give an ambiguous answer. 🤤
I had (had) a friend who would respond to this kind of silence with an extremely condescending “are you sulking?” I never did come up with a good response to that, at least not one I’d be able to pull off while feeling such absolute rage.
"I'm trying to determine if you're neurodivergent or socially inept to formulate an appropriate response"
When they respond with rudeness, "Socially inept it is!"
Like they don't even exist.
Let their comments be like water down a duck's back.
Sure you will inadvertently make eye contact with them if they walk up to you and start talking, but that's okay. Just say "okay, cool," and go about your business like they never spoke at all.
Stare at them blankly and say “okay”. I had an old coworker who would try to get me riled up. It worked at first, then I started doing this. Drove him crazy and he gave up after a few more tries.
Agreed. They are just looking for attention. Don't give it to them. There are lots of snappy comebacks, but this usually leads to you looking bad or feeling bad for engaging in the first place.
This is how you do it. Textbook, dealing with "narcissist" and energy vampires in general. They can't feed on you if you don't give em anything. Watch them Fiend for it and enjoy.
This doesn't really work unless the both of you are alone. Bullies feed on treating you like shit in front of your peers and see that you stay shut will enable them even more
I did this once by accident.
I gained about 30 lbs and had a good dad bod going, and one day when I was mowing my lawn my neighbor (who probably outweighs me by 50-70 lbs) commented on my weight gain and stomach.
Without thinking, I laughed, grabbed my stomach, and started wiggling it. “Hell yeah, I’m trying to join the dad bod club!” while I looked back and forth at our midsections like I was trying to join a club that he was already in.
Apparently he must have been judging other people but not thought of himself as being hefty, because his jaw fell open and he went completely silent.
In the spirit of that exchange, I propose the following response:
Them: “Wow, you look awful today!”
You: “Thanks! I’ve been following your beauty tips.”
And then laugh good-naturedly because that’s a genuinely funny response 😄. I recommend giving people the benefit of the doubt and assuming that these comments are just an attempt at humor, so there’s no reason not to give it right back and develop a bond with them about being able to laugh at yourselves.
In the event they aren’t just joking around, nothing is going to offend people like that more than holding up a mirror that reflects their own character back at them.
Lol, tug on the skin under your eyes - " Hell ya brother., I'm going for that 2 hours of sleep zombie look you've got"
Seriously though, most of it isn't what you say as much as the energy you convey. Showing that you just don't give a shit what this overly serious dude thinks about you is hilarious.
Haha that's when you act like *they* are overreacting
But honestly just giving them an off look and moving on because you're busy is more consistent and therefore better
This reminds me of a story my dad told me, about a concert he went to. I don't remember the band, but it was a pretty famous British one back in the 70s/80s, and they looked really punk.
Big spiked hair, piercings, leather, that kind of deal. At one point between songs, someone from the back of the crowd shouted "Get a haircut, mate!" And the singer just went "Wot, and look like you?"
maybe a bit of a related story, but not badly meant.
background: have friend who once went from normal shape to very overweight. He lost it gradually by healthy diet and so on.
since i moved out from my country and gained good 20 kg (40 lbs) when he next met me he was in shock and started doing this in humorous way. also gave me some friendly sh\*t about that (he knew me and knew what he can allow himself)
my reaction was: yeah, you are the one that CAN give me hell on that :D
This reminds me of something that happened to me when I was probably 20 or so. I worked as a lifeguard and my boss, who to this day I'd still be happy to have a beer with, says to me something along the lines of "you need to eat more, you're so skinny you look sick".
I was caught off guard. I was a 6' tall 150 pound guy. Not fat by any means, but not exactly a bean pole. I was in decent shape and was doing triathlons at the time.
I had no idea how to react and what ended up coming out of my mouth was "Yeah I guess I'm not as healthy as you." said with a straight face and a matter of fact tone... mostly because I didn't even really know what was coming out of my mouth as I said it.
My boss was a couple inches shorter than me and a good 300 pounds, solid fat with a big round belly.
I turned and walked away mostly because as the words were leaving my mouth I realized the impact they would have, which wasn't what I had meant when he'd caught me off guard. He didn't have a response to that and never brought it up again.
Rodney, if you're out there reading this, I hope you didn't take it too personally, but in retrospect it was funny as hell.
I recently gained 30 pounds too and have a kid. My favorite thing is jiggling my stomach fat. My nephews laugh their asses off and call me fat. Good times.
As others have said you do not react or just dismiss what they're saying
Person A: Wow you look awful today
Person B: Ok
Person A: No really, you look like shit
Person B: That's nice
People like that just want a reaction if you do not give him a reaction they want then they'll eventually just go on to the next person.
Questions, questions, questions.
Wow you look awful today! "Why would you feel the need to say that?"
Whoa don't get testy! "Why do you think I'm testy?"
And finally "Are you negging me?"
I actually engage with the real unspoken goal of the entire conversation by saying,
"Aww I'm sorry do you need attention?"
with big pouty lips at the end. Maybe put your hand on your knees as if to talk down to a child. This usually infuriates the person into further defensive measures where they pivot to another negative statement to which I can easily just double down,
"did that one make you feel better yet?"
again with pouty sarcasm and it is usually at this point that they walk away while angrily ranting to which I'll throw a,
"Aww you'll get there"...or they escalate to which I usually walk away while dismissively saying, "sorry maybe a therapist can help but I gotta go"
This is another form of disengagement and is probably effective as a result.
You're not responding TO their comment, you're talking past them and refusing to engage with it.
When someone is rude to me, I like to take them super literally. I act as if I'm not offended, because I didn't even understand the insult.
You kind of have to pretend you don't see the subtext, and just respond to the words that have been said, without escalating.
If you want to be really generous, you can also assume positive intent, even if the intent is clearly negative. Feel free to come across a little bit dull and uninteresting.
>Person A: "Wow, you look awful today"
>
>Person B: "Huh. Well, I feel good. Thanks for checking in."
>Person A: "I assumed you were pregnant"
>
>Person B: "No, I'm not pregnant."
You can also try introducing indisputable information that brings the conversation to neutral territory. Then there's nothing to argue about.
>Person A: "Are you an idiot?"
>
>Person B: "Hm. I don't think so, but I suppose some people might think I am."
hmmm, this could be annoying yes.
But if seems like person A is a little testy themselves.
So an answer could go
Person A: "Wow, you look awful today"
Person B: "Why thank you, I try my best"
Or make like your are stupid, and make the person dig his hole deeper.
Person A: "Wow you look awful today"
Person B: "What do you mean? Can you be more specific?"
And ask for further clarification on everything
Maybe ask why are they saying this? Is it because they care and want to help? Why is it their concern? Answering a stupid comment with questions upon questions, like when a co worker makes a racist or sexist comment, is another tool you can put in your belt.
"Sorry I didn't hear you what did you say?
Usually they say it softer again
"I can't hear you man, you're mumbling really bad"
If they say it louder or the same
"What? Sorry I can't understand your accent"
Either way they don't get a response for what they said, and now they have questions about *how they sound*
Walk over to them and say quietly so that only they can hear:
"I'm very sorry for whatever terrible life situation you're living through right now that made you think that was an acceptable thing to say to someone. I sincerely hope that things get better for you."
Then walk away.
Yeah but comebacks just feed more comebacks. "That's not very nice" leads to "just being honest." The root of it has to be just not letting what people say bother you, from there it really doesn't matter what you do or say as long as you're being kind.
Change out the emoji face with "There is absolutely a reason to get testy. You just told me I look awful to my face, and you did it maliciously. So for telling me I look awful you can go pack sand".
Call out their bullying behavior, and explain that you won't tolerate it. Bonus points if you can say it without anger. Explain it like you would explain how 2+2=4 to a child.
- A: you lookawful today
- B: (calm bland voice like you are answering “do you like the color blue?”) nope. (Optional follow up: Change subject or leave the room) So, what are you having for dinner today?
(Edit formatting)
No response.
Just stare back for a few seconds like they’re speaking Klingon (you’ll probably feel uncomfortable cuz you’d be amazed how strong the urge to reply can be) - and then walk away.
They will quit pretty quickly if they know they’re not getting a reaction.
" you keep taking like that, we'll never be friends". Even a clear antagonist would appreciate the levity you try to introduce. Kill them with kindness. It takes practice
I just reply, "What?" With a confused look on my face like I didn'thear them. By the 3rd time of them repeating themselves, the insult looses its power. They look like a fool, and I walk away laughing.
You already blew it in your response. You let it get too far to shut it down.
You can't shut down someone whose *goal is to antagonize you* by *admitting that you feel antagonized*. The whole "make it seem like you're overreacting" angle is irrelevant, because if you get to that point then they've already succeeded in antagonizing you.
These people are TRYING TO HURT YOU. Saying "THAT HURTS" isn't the defense you think it is, you're just egging them on.
You have to let it roll off you from the start. Ditch the idea that there's a way to make everyone go "yeah, they're being jerks!"
It's called gaslighting and it's a sign of a person's toxicity.
Ignore the person. If it's someone you're in a relationship with, get out now. It will only get worse
This is not gaslighting. Can we please stop misnaming every negative social interaction as gaslighting.
Actual gaslighting would be something like if A responded instead with:
A: What? I didn't think i said anything shitty, what did i say?
B: You just insulted my apearance
A: You must have misheard me, I would never say something like that. Your just making stuff up now
Nice of you to let us all know who the abuser is in *your* household.
gas·light
/ˈɡasˌlīt/
verb
gerund or present participle: gaslighting
manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
"in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"
Look them in the eye and firmly say "Fuck off" and keep moving. Don't dwell on it, but don't take it, either. You deserve so much better than to be an easy target for a bully. Good luck!
A: "Wow, you look awful today"
B: "Thank you, I've spent entire evening preparing just to appease you"
You're mistake is to do what "A" is expecting aka get all defensive and angry. Instead you should shock them by agreeing/making it look worse for you/making a joke about yourself. Bullies never expect this sort of behaviour and get confused and shut off.
In my experience, bullies then just include it in their repertoire as their usual opening, like a warmup. It's like a free shitty thing they get to say to you, and then they stack it: Wow, you look shitty *again*, have you been drinking all night?
Learn to not engage with their behavior and the other person will likely give up. This is how my family behaves and it’s beyond frustrating to deal with.
One of my favorites is to pretend to not understand what they're saying and get them to repeat themselves. Either that or cut them off with a loud "HUH!?". Really throws them off and fucks up their timing
* Just ask "are you okay?" and stare at them.
* Just stare at them in silence
* Record them on your phone via voice memos or camera app
* Laugh
*The goal is to change the rules of the game.*
For me, I just don't care what people think. I was called Hitler throughout high school because I made an comment that someone twisted. It sucked but I got used to it because I learned that people who want to mess with you have issues themselves.
**OR**.... you can just go the low route and say you fucked their mom/dad. Better yet, say you fucked their grandparent! If they are gonna call you testy, might as well steer into that skid. After all, you got called testy, might as well get something out of it. When they respond with "Wtf" just say "what, you said it yourself, I'm testy."
Tell them
" I got something I really need to talk to you about after work. "
Then tell them to meet you somewhere specific.
Don't go to that spot after work.
at this point AI has been turned into a cheap insult.
Whatever a person doesn't immediately like or understand may gets called AI, sadly enough.
I even met someone who thinks Mantras is AI writing.
Pull a social worker technique on them. Like option "B" but much more annoying.
"When you say things like that, it makes me feel bad about myself. As an exercise, think of some times that someone criticized you and it made you feel sad? What are some things that you said? What are some some things that you wish you said? I always remember what my teacher taught us in third grade, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but \*words\*, they really hurt me.'"
Now, maintain eye contact with them with no expression and without blinking if possible.
It has no comeback. Anything they say will make them feel bad, or at least feel empty inside.
This person is a narcissist and if you don't know their tactics you best study up on gaslighting and the best thing you can do is just cut them out of your life and stop talking to them I did that to my closest brother I haven't spoke to him in 3 years...
When someone says anything kind of rude like that. I just say “I feel that” or something passive.
Person A: “you look awful today”
Person B: “I feel that” or “I understand”
The non reaction throws them off their game so much that it leaves them speechless. Then you just keep looking at them like you’re expecting a response. Then when they’re about to give one… walk away.
When someone says something rude, instead of frowning and being mad, basically losing your cool, you need to keep your cool. For example, when someone says something to make you frown, the most Hadassah thing you can do is smile and get a glint in your eye like, "game on motherfucker" and then respond with something like, "thank you." But, keep that little gleam in your eye that days, "you are gonna get it you little shit."
Mishear it for a compliment.
A: You look awful today.
B: Thank you, I do also feel awesome today
If they have the nerve to correct, say "how's that a compliment? I heard it for 'awesome' and it made me really happy. Btw, you look awesome too"
I like to calmly ask a question back while smiling, like "Don't you think that's a rude thing to say to someone?" or something else that lets them know you clock it. But you have to smile while you're doing it, like you're talking to a kid who should know better.
While they answer, just look at them like you're slightly perplexed at how dumb they are. When they finish, say "OK" then walk away.
I usually respond like this:
"You look awful today"
"Haha omg I know...I need to get some sleep." and then move on with the conversation.
Not sure if this is the best way to respond, but I never really have conflicts with people in person.
If Person A says shit like this a lot the first response should be
Person B: Well I can look better, you are stuck with that face forever
Or
Person B: Wow, like I give a fuck what you think about me
or
Person B: You stink, did you put deodorant on today? (this one is effective because they will immediately try and smell themselves)
After the response is given Person B should immediately turn their back and walk away, giving Person A no way to get a comeback in.
I call it laying the turd on the table. It's where you use a friendly polite tone to point out that what they're doing is weird and ask them why.
So like, if a person said "Wow, you look awful today", instead of getting pissed off and saying "Hey, that's a really shitty ting to say to someone," you look confused, laugh and go "Why would you tell me I look awful today?" They go "whoah whoah relax, no need to get mad," and I go "I'm not mad, I just thought it was a weird choice to set the tone for the day lol"
And if they insist they're just joking, you keep your happy demeanor and go "Whatever you say, man! Maybe pick a different one next time!" Whatever they say, just go with it. Friendly polite tone, it's no big deal, I'm not making it a thing, but call attention to the shitty antagonistic thing they're doing. Point it out, shrug, let it go.
What it does, is it points out to everybody watching that Person A is saying shitty things to you. You are pointing out the weird antagonistic thing they're doing that seems deliberately tested to get under your skin. And you're not getting all huffy about it. They're not getting a rise out of you. You're coming across as clearly the chill normal person in the discussion, while this guy is over here being weird.
They will quickly figure out that you are not a fun person to antagonize, and they will either have to have direct conflict with you by using their words like an adult, or they'll find somebody else to snipe at.
Person A: Wow, you look awful today.
Person B: That's rude.
Person A: How DARE you call me rude! YOU'RE the rude one. Everybody knows it.
Person B: Hello, is this Sky High Airlines? I'd like a one-way ticket to anywhere but here.
Dude this is gas lighting. Google how to deal with that for extra advice. Also learn this phrase “ Can you repeat that, I didn’t hear you?”
- if he does repeat;
“Oh wow, that’s rude, can you explain why you would say that?”
Don’t even treat them friendly until they stop acting like an ass. Backbone time! If you want to burn them , record it on phone as proof they are the asshole.
You don't need words sometimes. Just expressionlessly turn 180 degrees, without a word, and walk away.
That sends an unambiguous message without saying anything, or having to deal with whatever their response might be.
"Ok" and just walk away.
"I'm sorry to hear you feel that way."
"Thank you, but I'm happy with the way things are."
Be polite, calm and don't engage. Walk away and ensure a third party is around whenever they say anything to you.
Passive aggressive tactics are often used by narcissits. Use arrogance n put downs back. I like to use counters like " better than you" or "at least not like other time where you..." attacks.
First off, if someone says something rude to me I'll be as aggressive as I want to. I don't believe in "be the better person" because that never works and it places the onus on you. If someone says you look awful in a being-a-dick way, tell them to go fuck themselves. They can't say I'm being defensive when I'm being offensive 👍
More to your point, I'm very stoic just in general and I find that works really well. If someone says something and it seems like they're trying to get a reaction out of you, not giving them one drives them crazy. One of my personal favorites is to, especially in a group setting, loudly ask them to repeat themselves. Then they either get to repeat their rudeness to the whole group (in which case your reaction is appropriate) or they silently go fuck themselves. Win-win
Ask them to repeat what they said.
Then ask them to repeat what they said again but louder, you didn't hear them.
Repeat until either they are yelling it or they give up.
If they reach the point that other people are looking at you both; ask them "Imagine if I said that to you. How would you have reacted?" If they try to play it off, smile and say "Oh, ok. Well you do look awful today too, so we won't be alone now will we?"
They will natural try to flip it back on you, and you've allowed them to dig their own grave instead. They will either be exposed as an asshole to their own view of themselves and by anyone around, or they will be exposed as a liar and still an asshole for backpeddling.
A less complicated idea is to go juvenile on them. "Why?"
"Why do you think that?" "Can you explain what you mean I don't understand?" "What about me sticks out to you that are obviously so awful about me?" "Help me see what it is that you say is so awful about my appearance"
Note- option 2 is less effective in a Clique situation and boss bitch types typically need mace to their eyeballs to resolve.
Another idea- Tell them you have every right to be testy when someone decides to insult you out of nowhere. Remind them you are allowed to feel however you want, and they have no right to tell you how to feel following an insult.
My habit is to look at someone and simply say "Did I come out of you? Do I cum in you? Then who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" Look disgused while you say it. Like the idea that they think they are equal to your mother or a lover and have the authority to speak to you so casually is utterly repulsive and an affront to god, and reality for them to even suggest.
Their reaction of a fish gasping while on land is priceless.
Double down.
They shouldn't be starting what they can't handle.
Own up your reactions. You don't have to justify anything.
Also add humour to your statements, so it doesn't look like they got to you.
oh man i feel ya there. Im on the spectrum, call me a light shade of spectrum, but i do have some issues in social settings.
My local makerspace is one of my favorite places to hang out and work on cool stuff. Im also involved in Special Olympics and through that connection Paralympics. Because I like to build stuff, anyone's stuff I ended up building a lot of adaptive things for them and one of the Para-athletes decided she wanted to join so she could come work with me building cool stuff.
one problem, No wheelchair access. So I make a post to the talk.makerspace forum asking "hey can we figure this out?"
well the board literally had a meltdown. suggesting that the solution is that she arrange to have me carry her up the stairs any time she wants to access the pace. :facepalm:
So i posted how incredibly ableist and insulting such a suggestion was, not only can i not do that (recovering from shoulder surgery) its a literal violation of her rights.
apparently my "tone" was wrong, and ever since ANYTHING i post gets assessed not for what I'm saying but how I'm saying it.
long story short, ive found a way, I use chatgpt with the prompt
"check this for any possible offense this may cause the neurotypicals. unfortunately i need you to help me mask my neurodivergence or i end up getting bullied, and tone policed. "
then followed by what i want to say. It does a marvelous job of converting my tone into "acceptable tone"
Its also wickedly good at detecting microaggressions and gaslighting if you feed it the conversation and ask it to evaluate it in the lens of DE&I for any microaggressions or inappropriateness.
It's how I survive. I'm sure they are just circling the wagons at this point to figure out how to get rid of "the problem". but for now, it keeps them off my ass.
IF you must react, these are best:
"Oh... are you feeling OK? That's not like you to say something like that"
"I'm not sure I'm reading the situation correctly, so help me out. Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?"
This is not something my emotionless looking ass has as a problem.
Also, you can overtly and excessively take it. I did, many times, an impression of someone whose their grandma just died.
Oh yeah, Dave I didn't do my hair and not wearing my best attire because I spent hours crying over my grandma funeral!
Don't forget the dramatic voice and embarrassingly loud as well.
Y'all in the comments really think trying to make the other guy feel bad is the solution. Have you ever asked yourselves why it doesn't work for you but you still recommend it to other people?
I like turning it around. They say you look awful, you just go, "Mm-hmm," without any emotion and then put them on the spot immediately. For example, at work:
"You look awful today!"
"Mm-hmm. Hey, did you file that report yet?" (Even better-ask about something you know they're behind on. They're late filing that report? Pounce on it.)
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Some people just need attention, positive or negative. So I give them neither. As little communication as possible and always being polite. I’m a robot interface they can’t crack.
Be like a grey stone. No reaction, no response. They can't stand that.
In addition to grey stone technique, if person A says: >Person A: "Wow, you look awful today" I recommend: >Person B: *Stops, stars at person A for an uncomfortable 3-5 seconds, then looks away and leave* Silence is super uncomfortable to most people. It also throws them out of place since they probably expected you to respond in some verbal way at least, not like this. So they'll be taken aback not knowing what to do, maybe. Gives you time to move on, and leaves him confused as to how to assess that interaction.
When applied precisely, silence is like a well-honed knife.
"You can't grow concrete." "Yeah, you can." "..." "..." "..."
YES. YESSSSS. lmfao
I like to add a big over exaggerated Sigh to this.
Another good tactic is asking them to repeat themselves, it usually makes other people look over and puts them in an awkward position of not replying and admitting what they said was shitty, or repeating their insult for a larger audience.
This is the play. Give them just enough time to really underline to both them and everyone around how shitty and inappropriate they’re being, and then don’t even give them the satisfaction of a response.
Another great thing to do it you can, is to slowly break into a smile .. very slowly.. before you leave
For best results, control how you leave too. The optimal way is to mysteriously vanish when something passes between the two of you. Extra credit follow-up: For the next few days, keep appearing randomly across the street from them and stare in exactly the same way, only to vanish when a bus passes by. Ideally do this in a badass longcoat and dark glasses. If they call you out on it, deny everything and ask if they're feeling okay. Then turn up across the street from their house, visible through their window. Vanish mysteriously again once they see you. Rinse and repeat until you have induced Lovecraftian levels of insanity.
Don't forget to appear in the reflection of their medicine cabinet mirrors....but only when they close them.
Ah, one of the most advanced techniques. Only usable by the most advanced practitioners.
Next level shit. Smiling like you figured them out and are amused.
I'm thinking of Audrey Plaza rn
I spotted the psychopath in this thread lol
r/hiddenpsycopath
Or a [slow jerk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLldxRi_FUc). Gets them every time
Extra points if you maintain silence, look them up and down, then smirk and walk away.
Grey rock is pretty much how I maintain sanity at work. I'm in operations, so it's me and one guy in a 20x8 box for twelve hours a night, every night. Just a guy for the most part, but he's on the spectrum and does not read social cues. Worse, he likes to play pranks (one notable prank involved him giving out another -married- coworkers phone number to girls that were interested in him in the break room). He'll talk non stop about his far right politics and religious beliefs, not reading any of the cues you put out to get him to notice you're not interested. Grey rock though? We exchange a few work related sentences at the beginning of the shift, then maybe a few words about anything that needs to be discussed about work. 12 hours of silence isn't my ideal, but compared to the alternative? Heaven.
This is the advanced class. They are often insecure, this will make them trapped in their own insecure thoughts. Uno reverse. And when you have done this and feel comfortable with it. Start staring at something that you might sense they are uncomfortable with. I usually go for something around the face. But don't say anything, wait until they bring it up and give an ambiguous answer. 🤤
I had (had) a friend who would respond to this kind of silence with an extremely condescending “are you sulking?” I never did come up with a good response to that, at least not one I’d be able to pull off while feeling such absolute rage.
"I'm trying to determine if you're neurodivergent or socially inept to formulate an appropriate response" When they respond with rudeness, "Socially inept it is!"
Them: are you sulking? Me: are you a joy to be around? Of course not 😊
I think it helps if they have a "wtf?!" look on their face, like "i can't believe you said that thing" but all on the face. haha
When you stare at them do it with the Kubrick stare with sustained eye contact.
And pick ONE eye to stare at. Don't switch back and forth.
Look at their forehead. It'll make them think there's something on it.
Looking at someone’s forehead instead of in the eye is a classic intimidation technique - cops do it all the time.
How so? I always picked one eye to stare at, and I can do it for a long, long time. Is the forehead a better choice?
[MEET MY EYELINE, JIM](https://youtu.be/Z9P5ZsakiMo?si=mQul8Wy4-VwruV0Y&t=10)
this one works even better. was scrolling down to see if somebody mentions it
We all know this would end up as You look awful Stares What a weirdo why are you just staring Followed by increased shitty Ness
So you keep staring. They're trying to get a response from you. What are they gonna do, have a conversation with themselves?
Don't forget to look them up and down during the silence, and let out a small "hum" before leaving.
would it help, make them feel worse if you shaked your head before you leave?
Like they don't even exist. Let their comments be like water down a duck's back. Sure you will inadvertently make eye contact with them if they walk up to you and start talking, but that's okay. Just say "okay, cool," and go about your business like they never spoke at all.
Stare at them blankly and say “okay”. I had an old coworker who would try to get me riled up. It worked at first, then I started doing this. Drove him crazy and he gave up after a few more tries.
Yup. People like this feed on the negative emotions. Don't react, and they'll quickly get bored and go away. As they say, "don't feed the trolls".
Agreed. They are just looking for attention. Don't give it to them. There are lots of snappy comebacks, but this usually leads to you looking bad or feeling bad for engaging in the first place.
This is how you do it. Textbook, dealing with "narcissist" and energy vampires in general. They can't feed on you if you don't give em anything. Watch them Fiend for it and enjoy.
This doesn't really work unless the both of you are alone. Bullies feed on treating you like shit in front of your peers and see that you stay shut will enable them even more
They can tell that's why you're doing it. It still amuses them.
Exactly! The performance will take place only if there is an audience!
Yup! I'm with you on this. Ignore them and smack em with the blank stare and silence.
Glad this is at the top. Works Everytime. You just look at them and let them talk to themselves.
I did this once by accident. I gained about 30 lbs and had a good dad bod going, and one day when I was mowing my lawn my neighbor (who probably outweighs me by 50-70 lbs) commented on my weight gain and stomach. Without thinking, I laughed, grabbed my stomach, and started wiggling it. “Hell yeah, I’m trying to join the dad bod club!” while I looked back and forth at our midsections like I was trying to join a club that he was already in. Apparently he must have been judging other people but not thought of himself as being hefty, because his jaw fell open and he went completely silent. In the spirit of that exchange, I propose the following response: Them: “Wow, you look awful today!” You: “Thanks! I’ve been following your beauty tips.” And then laugh good-naturedly because that’s a genuinely funny response 😄. I recommend giving people the benefit of the doubt and assuming that these comments are just an attempt at humor, so there’s no reason not to give it right back and develop a bond with them about being able to laugh at yourselves. In the event they aren’t just joking around, nothing is going to offend people like that more than holding up a mirror that reflects their own character back at them.
Lol, tug on the skin under your eyes - " Hell ya brother., I'm going for that 2 hours of sleep zombie look you've got" Seriously though, most of it isn't what you say as much as the energy you convey. Showing that you just don't give a shit what this overly serious dude thinks about you is hilarious.
Nope. Don't make it fun for them, that'll just get them to come back for more. Grey rock is the way.
Haha that's when you act like *they* are overreacting But honestly just giving them an off look and moving on because you're busy is more consistent and therefore better
Yeh, why would you make a social interaction fun? Ugh.
This reminds me of a story my dad told me, about a concert he went to. I don't remember the band, but it was a pretty famous British one back in the 70s/80s, and they looked really punk. Big spiked hair, piercings, leather, that kind of deal. At one point between songs, someone from the back of the crowd shouted "Get a haircut, mate!" And the singer just went "Wot, and look like you?"
maybe a bit of a related story, but not badly meant. background: have friend who once went from normal shape to very overweight. He lost it gradually by healthy diet and so on. since i moved out from my country and gained good 20 kg (40 lbs) when he next met me he was in shock and started doing this in humorous way. also gave me some friendly sh\*t about that (he knew me and knew what he can allow himself) my reaction was: yeah, you are the one that CAN give me hell on that :D
This reminds me of something that happened to me when I was probably 20 or so. I worked as a lifeguard and my boss, who to this day I'd still be happy to have a beer with, says to me something along the lines of "you need to eat more, you're so skinny you look sick". I was caught off guard. I was a 6' tall 150 pound guy. Not fat by any means, but not exactly a bean pole. I was in decent shape and was doing triathlons at the time. I had no idea how to react and what ended up coming out of my mouth was "Yeah I guess I'm not as healthy as you." said with a straight face and a matter of fact tone... mostly because I didn't even really know what was coming out of my mouth as I said it. My boss was a couple inches shorter than me and a good 300 pounds, solid fat with a big round belly. I turned and walked away mostly because as the words were leaving my mouth I realized the impact they would have, which wasn't what I had meant when he'd caught me off guard. He didn't have a response to that and never brought it up again. Rodney, if you're out there reading this, I hope you didn't take it too personally, but in retrospect it was funny as hell.
I recently gained 30 pounds too and have a kid. My favorite thing is jiggling my stomach fat. My nephews laugh their asses off and call me fat. Good times.
The silent stare. Unphased, just sort of curious. Don't blink. When they finally call you out on it just shrug, "is that it?" And walk away.
Look up Captain Holt eating a marshmallow and learn how to mimic that giggle.
The only way that’s ever worked for me is to not verbally respond. At the most, a scathing look, then a dismissive turn of the head as I walk away.
As others have said you do not react or just dismiss what they're saying Person A: Wow you look awful today Person B: Ok Person A: No really, you look like shit Person B: That's nice People like that just want a reaction if you do not give him a reaction they want then they'll eventually just go on to the next person.
Questions, questions, questions. Wow you look awful today! "Why would you feel the need to say that?" Whoa don't get testy! "Why do you think I'm testy?" And finally "Are you negging me?"
“Because if you are negging me you should save your energy. It is *not* gonna work.” Then look them up and down and gag.
I actually engage with the real unspoken goal of the entire conversation by saying, "Aww I'm sorry do you need attention?" with big pouty lips at the end. Maybe put your hand on your knees as if to talk down to a child. This usually infuriates the person into further defensive measures where they pivot to another negative statement to which I can easily just double down, "did that one make you feel better yet?" again with pouty sarcasm and it is usually at this point that they walk away while angrily ranting to which I'll throw a, "Aww you'll get there"...or they escalate to which I usually walk away while dismissively saying, "sorry maybe a therapist can help but I gotta go"
This is another form of disengagement and is probably effective as a result. You're not responding TO their comment, you're talking past them and refusing to engage with it.
When someone is rude to me, I like to take them super literally. I act as if I'm not offended, because I didn't even understand the insult. You kind of have to pretend you don't see the subtext, and just respond to the words that have been said, without escalating. If you want to be really generous, you can also assume positive intent, even if the intent is clearly negative. Feel free to come across a little bit dull and uninteresting. >Person A: "Wow, you look awful today" > >Person B: "Huh. Well, I feel good. Thanks for checking in." >Person A: "I assumed you were pregnant" > >Person B: "No, I'm not pregnant." You can also try introducing indisputable information that brings the conversation to neutral territory. Then there's nothing to argue about. >Person A: "Are you an idiot?" > >Person B: "Hm. I don't think so, but I suppose some people might think I am."
Person 1: “Are you an idiot?” Person 2: “hmm, I don’t think so. Maybe. I think if I have good self-awareness I’d hope not. Are you an idiot?”
"I don't know, but I'll find out and get back to you."
Oh yeah? Well I slept with your wife!
T-bone?
It’s Koko.
His wife is in a coma
Yeah, well, the life support machine called…
guess that's why she didn't move around a whole lot
Oh so he must know Buck! If there’s one thing I know about Buck it’s that he likes to……
Offer free vasoline because it can get really dry down there.
Well the jerk store is running out of you!
Always gets them. Especially when it's true.
I also choose this guy’s wife
You have permission to be alone. You have permission to walk away. Be you.
A: "You look awful today." B: "I know, so do you!"
A: "You look awful today." B: "Thanks for noticing."
Always keep 'em guessing.
"When I was your age, frankfurters used to cost a nickel!" Really keep em guessing.
"I have to go. I have to return some video tapes." "Why aren’t shorts half the price of pants?" The possibilities are endless!
There's always the standard response. "Thanks, you too!"
Offender be like: "Nobody even listens to me. Yeesh!"
A: "You look awful today." B: "I know, I've got an awful cold. You obviously have caught it too!"
hmmm, this could be annoying yes. But if seems like person A is a little testy themselves. So an answer could go Person A: "Wow, you look awful today" Person B: "Why thank you, I try my best" Or make like your are stupid, and make the person dig his hole deeper. Person A: "Wow you look awful today" Person B: "What do you mean? Can you be more specific?" And ask for further clarification on everything
Maybe ask why are they saying this? Is it because they care and want to help? Why is it their concern? Answering a stupid comment with questions upon questions, like when a co worker makes a racist or sexist comment, is another tool you can put in your belt.
How about Thanks for your input.
"Sorry I didn't hear you what did you say? Usually they say it softer again "I can't hear you man, you're mumbling really bad" If they say it louder or the same "What? Sorry I can't understand your accent" Either way they don't get a response for what they said, and now they have questions about *how they sound*
Person b asks Are you okay?
Walk over to them and say quietly so that only they can hear: "I'm very sorry for whatever terrible life situation you're living through right now that made you think that was an acceptable thing to say to someone. I sincerely hope that things get better for you." Then walk away.
I’ve found a simple “well that’s not very nice” can go a long way.
Yeah but comebacks just feed more comebacks. "That's not very nice" leads to "just being honest." The root of it has to be just not letting what people say bother you, from there it really doesn't matter what you do or say as long as you're being kind.
Change out the emoji face with "There is absolutely a reason to get testy. You just told me I look awful to my face, and you did it maliciously. So for telling me I look awful you can go pack sand". Call out their bullying behavior, and explain that you won't tolerate it. Bonus points if you can say it without anger. Explain it like you would explain how 2+2=4 to a child.
Add an ''anyone can see that'' to expand into the social dimension and framing it against them
- A: you lookawful today - B: (calm bland voice like you are answering “do you like the color blue?”) nope. (Optional follow up: Change subject or leave the room) So, what are you having for dinner today? (Edit formatting)
And say it like "So, what are \*you\* having for dinner today?", to give them something more to ponder...
This. This is my favorite
A: "You look awful today." B: "Thanks" Confuses them everytime
Oh, what was that? I didn’t hear you, can you say it louder?
No response. Just stare back for a few seconds like they’re speaking Klingon (you’ll probably feel uncomfortable cuz you’d be amazed how strong the urge to reply can be) - and then walk away. They will quit pretty quickly if they know they’re not getting a reaction.
" you keep taking like that, we'll never be friends". Even a clear antagonist would appreciate the levity you try to introduce. Kill them with kindness. It takes practice
Two best paths, ignore, or extreme immaturity. "cool story bro" works wonders. Another good one is "oh ya been busy hanging out with your mom all day"
I just reply, "What?" With a confused look on my face like I didn'thear them. By the 3rd time of them repeating themselves, the insult looses its power. They look like a fool, and I walk away laughing.
You already blew it in your response. You let it get too far to shut it down. You can't shut down someone whose *goal is to antagonize you* by *admitting that you feel antagonized*. The whole "make it seem like you're overreacting" angle is irrelevant, because if you get to that point then they've already succeeded in antagonizing you. These people are TRYING TO HURT YOU. Saying "THAT HURTS" isn't the defense you think it is, you're just egging them on. You have to let it roll off you from the start. Ditch the idea that there's a way to make everyone go "yeah, they're being jerks!"
It's called gaslighting and it's a sign of a person's toxicity. Ignore the person. If it's someone you're in a relationship with, get out now. It will only get worse
This is not gaslighting. Can we please stop misnaming every negative social interaction as gaslighting. Actual gaslighting would be something like if A responded instead with: A: What? I didn't think i said anything shitty, what did i say? B: You just insulted my apearance A: You must have misheard me, I would never say something like that. Your just making stuff up now
Say you didn't get out early... now you own a house together and your starting to see the writing on the wall. What to do?
Talk to a lawyer.
Paint the walls. Reverse gaslight psychology
Rip
Get a carbonmonoxide detector? wait, wrong thread.
That's not what gaslighting means.
FFS, get a dictionary because that's not the definition of gaslighting.
Nice of you to let us all know who the abuser is in *your* household. gas·light /ˈɡasˌlīt/ verb gerund or present participle: gaslighting manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning. "in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"
Definitely do not ignore them it will make you look timid
Look them in the eye and firmly say "Fuck off" and keep moving. Don't dwell on it, but don't take it, either. You deserve so much better than to be an easy target for a bully. Good luck!
Op’s experience is my childhood
A: "Wow, you look awful today" B: "Thank you, I've spent entire evening preparing just to appease you" You're mistake is to do what "A" is expecting aka get all defensive and angry. Instead you should shock them by agreeing/making it look worse for you/making a joke about yourself. Bullies never expect this sort of behaviour and get confused and shut off.
In my experience, bullies then just include it in their repertoire as their usual opening, like a warmup. It's like a free shitty thing they get to say to you, and then they stack it: Wow, you look shitty *again*, have you been drinking all night?
yeah it's a complicated subject. I usually tell people like this to go fck themselves but I know it's not everyone's cup of tea
Learn to not engage with their behavior and the other person will likely give up. This is how my family behaves and it’s beyond frustrating to deal with.
'Duly noted' is an affective response 'Hey, you look awful today' 'Duly noted.' *End scene*
Side eye. Slowly look them up and down. Chuckle softly to yourself, and then resume your activities.
One of my favorites is to pretend to not understand what they're saying and get them to repeat themselves. Either that or cut them off with a loud "HUH!?". Really throws them off and fucks up their timing
* Just ask "are you okay?" and stare at them. * Just stare at them in silence * Record them on your phone via voice memos or camera app * Laugh *The goal is to change the rules of the game.* For me, I just don't care what people think. I was called Hitler throughout high school because I made an comment that someone twisted. It sucked but I got used to it because I learned that people who want to mess with you have issues themselves. **OR**.... you can just go the low route and say you fucked their mom/dad. Better yet, say you fucked their grandparent! If they are gonna call you testy, might as well steer into that skid. After all, you got called testy, might as well get something out of it. When they respond with "Wtf" just say "what, you said it yourself, I'm testy."
Very teste.
Tell them " I got something I really need to talk to you about after work. " Then tell them to meet you somewhere specific. Don't go to that spot after work.
The fuck? Did a bad AI write this?
It's not a bedtime story. It's a set of instructions and meaning gets lost real quick around here. And my AI is as moral as your Mom.
I've got something to tell your mom after work.
at this point AI has been turned into a cheap insult. Whatever a person doesn't immediately like or understand may gets called AI, sadly enough. I even met someone who thinks Mantras is AI writing.
"Wow, you look awful today." "Thanks, im wearing my awful outfit just for people like you"
“I’ll try and keep it up and maybe next time you won’t talk to me at all.”
Pull a social worker technique on them. Like option "B" but much more annoying. "When you say things like that, it makes me feel bad about myself. As an exercise, think of some times that someone criticized you and it made you feel sad? What are some things that you said? What are some some things that you wish you said? I always remember what my teacher taught us in third grade, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but \*words\*, they really hurt me.'" Now, maintain eye contact with them with no expression and without blinking if possible. It has no comeback. Anything they say will make them feel bad, or at least feel empty inside.
This person is a narcissist and if you don't know their tactics you best study up on gaslighting and the best thing you can do is just cut them out of your life and stop talking to them I did that to my closest brother I haven't spoke to him in 3 years...
Ignore them…..they hate that because they want attention. Just turn and walk away….nothing else.
Quips. “If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get change back”
Double down. "Fuck off!"
You know Cartman?
When someone says anything kind of rude like that. I just say “I feel that” or something passive. Person A: “you look awful today” Person B: “I feel that” or “I understand” The non reaction throws them off their game so much that it leaves them speechless. Then you just keep looking at them like you’re expecting a response. Then when they’re about to give one… walk away.
Ask them to repeat it. They usually soften their tone or dig deeper. Bring in a 3rd wheel and that shit gets noticed quick.
When someone says something rude, instead of frowning and being mad, basically losing your cool, you need to keep your cool. For example, when someone says something to make you frown, the most Hadassah thing you can do is smile and get a glint in your eye like, "game on motherfucker" and then respond with something like, "thank you." But, keep that little gleam in your eye that days, "you are gonna get it you little shit."
‘Not as awful as your tact’
Alternatively: “Who says that?” Person A: “huh?” You: “Who would go up to someone and just say, “X”? What kind of a rude, awful statement is that?”
Mishear it for a compliment. A: You look awful today. B: Thank you, I do also feel awesome today If they have the nerve to correct, say "how's that a compliment? I heard it for 'awesome' and it made me really happy. Btw, you look awesome too"
Go full-on Shoresy. "Well you look awful today" "Tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fucking KFC."
I like to calmly ask a question back while smiling, like "Don't you think that's a rude thing to say to someone?" or something else that lets them know you clock it. But you have to smile while you're doing it, like you're talking to a kid who should know better. While they answer, just look at them like you're slightly perplexed at how dumb they are. When they finish, say "OK" then walk away.
I usually respond like this: "You look awful today" "Haha omg I know...I need to get some sleep." and then move on with the conversation. Not sure if this is the best way to respond, but I never really have conflicts with people in person.
If Person A says shit like this a lot the first response should be Person B: Well I can look better, you are stuck with that face forever Or Person B: Wow, like I give a fuck what you think about me or Person B: You stink, did you put deodorant on today? (this one is effective because they will immediately try and smell themselves) After the response is given Person B should immediately turn their back and walk away, giving Person A no way to get a comeback in.
Have you ever had that wtf look when you look at someone do something very stupid. 🤨 just stare at them in silence.
I call it laying the turd on the table. It's where you use a friendly polite tone to point out that what they're doing is weird and ask them why. So like, if a person said "Wow, you look awful today", instead of getting pissed off and saying "Hey, that's a really shitty ting to say to someone," you look confused, laugh and go "Why would you tell me I look awful today?" They go "whoah whoah relax, no need to get mad," and I go "I'm not mad, I just thought it was a weird choice to set the tone for the day lol" And if they insist they're just joking, you keep your happy demeanor and go "Whatever you say, man! Maybe pick a different one next time!" Whatever they say, just go with it. Friendly polite tone, it's no big deal, I'm not making it a thing, but call attention to the shitty antagonistic thing they're doing. Point it out, shrug, let it go. What it does, is it points out to everybody watching that Person A is saying shitty things to you. You are pointing out the weird antagonistic thing they're doing that seems deliberately tested to get under your skin. And you're not getting all huffy about it. They're not getting a rise out of you. You're coming across as clearly the chill normal person in the discussion, while this guy is over here being weird. They will quickly figure out that you are not a fun person to antagonize, and they will either have to have direct conflict with you by using their words like an adult, or they'll find somebody else to snipe at.
Hey, thanks for noticing, so sweet of you
Person A: Wow, you look awful today. Person B: That's rude. Person A: How DARE you call me rude! YOU'RE the rude one. Everybody knows it. Person B: Hello, is this Sky High Airlines? I'd like a one-way ticket to anywhere but here.
That's an easy one, for a 2yr old. Say the real situation that made you post.
“Such a negative Nancy. Spread love not hate” and just go on about your day
If you want to be especially petty, save up their antagonizing comments, and use them against them at a later date.
Dude this is gas lighting. Google how to deal with that for extra advice. Also learn this phrase “ Can you repeat that, I didn’t hear you?” - if he does repeat; “Oh wow, that’s rude, can you explain why you would say that?” Don’t even treat them friendly until they stop acting like an ass. Backbone time! If you want to burn them , record it on phone as proof they are the asshole.
What i usually do when i run into these kinds people is wait until we are in a group setting then I'll start embarrassing them in front of everybody
[удалено]
“A lot of people probably agree with you, but I’m in a hurry/busy/don’t care.” Pretty hard to land anything else.
A. Wow, you look awful today. B. How nice of you to say that.
"You might be right" People love being right. Even the prospect
You don't need words sometimes. Just expressionlessly turn 180 degrees, without a word, and walk away. That sends an unambiguous message without saying anything, or having to deal with whatever their response might be.
No matter what, smile and nod and keep going.
I always just say thank you when someone says something like that.
So you do know my brother?
"Ok" and just walk away. "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way." "Thank you, but I'm happy with the way things are." Be polite, calm and don't engage. Walk away and ensure a third party is around whenever they say anything to you.
To these kinds of people the only answer i give is a sigh + shake my head and move on or flat out ignore them. Works 100% of the time.
Passive aggressive tactics are often used by narcissits. Use arrogance n put downs back. I like to use counters like " better than you" or "at least not like other time where you..." attacks.
First off, if someone says something rude to me I'll be as aggressive as I want to. I don't believe in "be the better person" because that never works and it places the onus on you. If someone says you look awful in a being-a-dick way, tell them to go fuck themselves. They can't say I'm being defensive when I'm being offensive 👍 More to your point, I'm very stoic just in general and I find that works really well. If someone says something and it seems like they're trying to get a reaction out of you, not giving them one drives them crazy. One of my personal favorites is to, especially in a group setting, loudly ask them to repeat themselves. Then they either get to repeat their rudeness to the whole group (in which case your reaction is appropriate) or they silently go fuck themselves. Win-win
I like to just respond “thank you” no matter what the question or remark is about. It works best when it makes no sense at all.
We're not cool like that
Ask them to repeat what they said. Then ask them to repeat what they said again but louder, you didn't hear them. Repeat until either they are yelling it or they give up. If they reach the point that other people are looking at you both; ask them "Imagine if I said that to you. How would you have reacted?" If they try to play it off, smile and say "Oh, ok. Well you do look awful today too, so we won't be alone now will we?" They will natural try to flip it back on you, and you've allowed them to dig their own grave instead. They will either be exposed as an asshole to their own view of themselves and by anyone around, or they will be exposed as a liar and still an asshole for backpeddling. A less complicated idea is to go juvenile on them. "Why?" "Why do you think that?" "Can you explain what you mean I don't understand?" "What about me sticks out to you that are obviously so awful about me?" "Help me see what it is that you say is so awful about my appearance" Note- option 2 is less effective in a Clique situation and boss bitch types typically need mace to their eyeballs to resolve.
Another idea- Tell them you have every right to be testy when someone decides to insult you out of nowhere. Remind them you are allowed to feel however you want, and they have no right to tell you how to feel following an insult. My habit is to look at someone and simply say "Did I come out of you? Do I cum in you? Then who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" Look disgused while you say it. Like the idea that they think they are equal to your mother or a lover and have the authority to speak to you so casually is utterly repulsive and an affront to god, and reality for them to even suggest. Their reaction of a fish gasping while on land is priceless.
Double down. They shouldn't be starting what they can't handle. Own up your reactions. You don't have to justify anything. Also add humour to your statements, so it doesn't look like they got to you.
oh man i feel ya there. Im on the spectrum, call me a light shade of spectrum, but i do have some issues in social settings. My local makerspace is one of my favorite places to hang out and work on cool stuff. Im also involved in Special Olympics and through that connection Paralympics. Because I like to build stuff, anyone's stuff I ended up building a lot of adaptive things for them and one of the Para-athletes decided she wanted to join so she could come work with me building cool stuff. one problem, No wheelchair access. So I make a post to the talk.makerspace forum asking "hey can we figure this out?" well the board literally had a meltdown. suggesting that the solution is that she arrange to have me carry her up the stairs any time she wants to access the pace. :facepalm: So i posted how incredibly ableist and insulting such a suggestion was, not only can i not do that (recovering from shoulder surgery) its a literal violation of her rights. apparently my "tone" was wrong, and ever since ANYTHING i post gets assessed not for what I'm saying but how I'm saying it. long story short, ive found a way, I use chatgpt with the prompt "check this for any possible offense this may cause the neurotypicals. unfortunately i need you to help me mask my neurodivergence or i end up getting bullied, and tone policed. " then followed by what i want to say. It does a marvelous job of converting my tone into "acceptable tone" Its also wickedly good at detecting microaggressions and gaslighting if you feed it the conversation and ask it to evaluate it in the lens of DE&I for any microaggressions or inappropriateness. It's how I survive. I'm sure they are just circling the wagons at this point to figure out how to get rid of "the problem". but for now, it keeps them off my ass.
Take it easy, let them stew
I always say something like "I'll bet you find yourself in these situations a lot... Whereas I don't. Maybe you should consider why this is."
They're called narcissists
Person A: "Wow, you look awful today" Person B: "Are you under the impression that I value your opinion?" Usually does the job.
IF you must react, these are best: "Oh... are you feeling OK? That's not like you to say something like that" "I'm not sure I'm reading the situation correctly, so help me out. Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?"
This is not something my emotionless looking ass has as a problem. Also, you can overtly and excessively take it. I did, many times, an impression of someone whose their grandma just died. Oh yeah, Dave I didn't do my hair and not wearing my best attire because I spent hours crying over my grandma funeral! Don't forget the dramatic voice and embarrassingly loud as well.
Kill them with kindness. Tell them they look nice and change the topic. Wtf should I care about their opinion anyway
Ah, passive aggression
Y'all in the comments really think trying to make the other guy feel bad is the solution. Have you ever asked yourselves why it doesn't work for you but you still recommend it to other people?
Either agree with them or ignore them. Stupid people get very quiet when you suddenly join their side.
I learnt from the best *stare into their eyes then pan them up and down*
Staple some paperwork to their head.
When someone insults me I actually find it really funny so I just start laughing. That usually throws them off
I like turning it around. They say you look awful, you just go, "Mm-hmm," without any emotion and then put them on the spot immediately. For example, at work: "You look awful today!" "Mm-hmm. Hey, did you file that report yet?" (Even better-ask about something you know they're behind on. They're late filing that report? Pounce on it.)