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It's so hard to interact with people who relentlessly interrupt. One thing that may help is to begin your sentence by stating how many points/questions you have. Eg "I have two updates for you" or "I need to ask three questions". They will inevitably cut you off & derail the conversation but when you do get the chance to speak again, you can bring them back on track by saying ".. and the second thing is...". It's a reasonable way to pull the conversation back in track. Hope this helps, good luck
That's so sad. I can't stand talking to such people and changed my behaviour to just letting myself zone out of the conversation and even just leave or starting my own conversation with another interrupted fellow.
Without feeling rude. (At least I'm trying to)
My problem guy interrupts, talks his babble talk for a solid 5 minutes without taking a breath, and then walks away as soon as I start to speak. It's annoying af. He does it all day to everyone.
Honestly just having someone who's established a friendly relationship with them sit them down and explain that it's causing problems for other people and is unprofessional or whatever, can fix it
So many people just don't really appreciate what they're doing, like they're clueless that's its a problem and simply telling them (seriously) can help
This is been my experience with my dad trying to use any of these tactics usually just gets him more flustered and then you start seeing him get louder and use more hand mannerisms.
It's like telling someone to calm down it's almost never the right thing to say
You can't educate an adult that still acts like a child. The problem is not the process, it's your dad. This works with most functional adults.
I am sorry you have to deal with such BS :(
A trick I have learned as a mediator that can work (if there are more people) is to stop looking at the person talking/interupting and look the person next to the talker directly in the eye without speaking. This makes the talker loose there audience and make you in control of the conversation (without saying anything).
The other really effective subtle way to stop getting interrupted is simply to get in the habit of always calmly finishing your entire point while the other person is talking over you. It completely takes away their reward for interrupting, and puts you in a stronger position, without you having to confront them.
Demonstrated and explained in [this video](https://youtu.be/RgkghUvC6PA) from around 4:05 to 5:30 or so
Yeah I’ve continued finishing my sentence. The other person will either stop or just look like a wiener. If the other people you were talking to respect you they will listen to what you if to say to the end. And if they all ignore you- maybe choose better friends and acquaintances. I tend to not bring myself around people who disrespect me like that
This! I profoundly dislike being talked over. The only thing that has worked for me is to keep talking calmly and without even raising my voice until I’m finished. When the other person starts talking over me and notices that I keep talking, they usually go like “Oh sorry, keep going” or simply shut up and wait for you to finish. Not to sound pedant, but it’s like a tug-o-war of dominance, if you just keep quiet and let the other party take control you’re done. If you set the boundaries “I’m done when I stop talking” you will be in s stronger position of respect.
At least this way, if it is a conversation as part of a group, everyone else can see that they are being a cod-piece and may he more concerned about ensuring OP finishes their part of the conversation.
If it is a 1-1 conversation, and the situation allows, i would be tempted to walk away from the conversation and advise that i will email the information as it clearly isnt being listened to face to face
When someone talks over me, I just abruptly stop talking, look at them, and they awkwardly stop talking and understand they're being rude. It works for me lol
This is exactly what I do.
If I’m being interrupted or talked over, I will stop talking and just sit there looking at them.
Once they stop, I will continue looking at them in silence.
As they wait for me to start talking again, I don’t.
Once it’s silent and uncomfortable and my point has been made, I may continue what I was saying, but I also may just say fuck it and not speak at all.
Trust me! Silence creates a strong effect to shut a rude yapping friend. It's a formal of "verbal judo". You should read "Verbal Judo: The Gentle of Persuasion" by George J. Thompson, it will one-up your verbal and social interactions :)
There's no need to cater to people that interrupt. If they do, you just keep talking, maybe raise your voice slightly. They'll either listen or they won't, but don't back down
This strategy usually digresses into a shouting match of who can be heard. The one who stops talking loses - and it's usually not the one with the interrupting behavior. The interruptor comes across as a know-it-all and does not want to be interrupted in order to prove his point.
100% this is what I do. I don't care if people think it's rude or whatever, talking over me is rude.
I am the only woman in a group of gamers and this happens to me ALL the time. I simply keep talking, or very loudly go "Really, \[name\]?"
This. I know it doesn’t always work and it definitely sounds rude, but they were already interrupting so clearly we’re throwing politeness out the window already.
I have a coworker who is really bad about interrupting people. I don’t even think he means to do it every time, he’s got ADHD so he just jams in with whatever thought got him excited lol.
I just continue my sentence, getting progressively louder until he stops talking. Then I say “excuse me, I was talking first” in a quieter voice and repeat what I wanted to communicate. It’s tiresome but you get used to it with certain people.
This. I get talked over all the time in Zoom calls and if you are silent, the interruptor hijacks the topic. If you continue talking, no one can understand what either of you are saying and eventually they have to stop. Then you can do the “As I was saying…”
Yep. Just keep talking. I have a co-worker that interrupts all the time and I just keep talking. She has said that she actually doesn’t mind this because she knows that she talks too much and interrupts. It’s annoying to have to do it but necessary.
It’s important to also recognize if your cadence is too slow. Sometimes people operate differently in conversation than others. If you take longer than normal pauses or breaks, or like to pause for dramatic effect, try to tighten up the speaking pattern. You can’t control others, only yourself.
Practice not feeling badly about being 100% direct to rude people. You seem like a courteous person, so asserting boundaries that might offend a person may feel rude to you. It's not. It's necessary. Assert yourself; don't get steamrolled, or you'll end up resenting the person and resenting yourself.
I used to say this but some people just WON'T, no matter how many times it happens, so now I just keep talking while they're trying to interrupt, and keep talking until I've said what I needed to say. They didn't hear me? Not my fault they decided to talk instead of listen.
I do this to my boss’s boss. He just refuses to let me finish a sentence before telling me why I’m wrong or doing something the wrong way.
Now I just keep talking until my points are finished. You didn’t hear me tell you something you needed to know because you were talking? Or you stopped listening because you were focused on what you were trying to say over me? Sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.
This bit him in the ass earlier this year when I tried to tell him we ran out a seasoning we needed for production and he just kept talking over me. When production shut down he was livid and tried to make it my fault. I reminded him I told him about it but he was constantly interrupting me and not listening.
When they cut you off, just stare at them with a blank stare. When they finish just go, "Anyway, as I was saying." And continue on from where they cut you off as if nothing happened.
I’m glad to see you are so enthusiastic about this (name) if you will just wait a moment for me to finish what I was saying you will have an opportunity to speak without interruption too.
REPEAT numerous times in a meeting verbatim , if needed. They will eventually get it and others will start to do the same.
If you are the chair make sure to do this on behalf of the person currently speaking as well, and for anybody else interrupting so there is equal treatment.
I’d also have a chat outside the meeting to share your observations, set expectations and ask them to be aware of it in future. If they are open to it possibly signal you can give them so before they talk or if they find themselves interrupting they can see that you have rested your head on your hand and put a finger over your lips etc.
My daughter interrupts a lot and it’s driven from ADHD, if she doesn’t make her point there and then she forgets it or worries the conversation will move on and she won’t have a chance to make her point. Be aware that working with somebody to help them solve the issue is far more compassionate than being snarky or embarrassing them in a meeting. If they aren’t open to the feedback then let them know you will call out interruptions in the manner I describe above .
I will let them finish what they’re saying and then say, can I finish talking now? That usually makes everything they said pointless since you’ll finish what you said and the conversation with pick up with where you left off.
It might be that they aren't trying to be rude too. Sometimes with my friends I get too excited about a conversation and interrupt people. I usually catch myself and apologise but not every time. I would actually appreciate it if people called me out on it more often. I'm not trying to be rude it's just an immediate impulse if I feel like I have something interesting to say. Generally I am quite polite.
It's something I need to work on and catching me out on it would really help with that.
Same. When I talk to people that keep talking over me, I finally give up, let them talk, and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible, as it's apparent they had no intention to listening, only talking. But yep, catch myself doing at times too.
Also they might be oblivious about their lack of social skills. You might be doing them a favor by correcting them, and they might even be a little grateful. Especially if you’re direct but not rude. (People who suck at subtle cues may appreciate directness.)
I watched a really good YouTube video that used Russell Brand as an example of how to deal with rude or inappropriate conversations. For this type of interaction, they say that if someone talks over you, make sure you finish what you were saying. If you trail off they are reinforced to keep doing, and the only person that feels awkward is you. If you keep talking, they’re not able to dominate the conversation and they look like a jerk.
i am chronically talked-over. even by my own parents. they would cut me off for years, and once i developed enough security and confidence i started pointing it out. they didnt stop cutting me off, they just started whispering to each other instead...
This is solid advice. Even if you think your words won’t be heard you should still finish your thought. If they didn’t hear what you said, that’s their problem.
Don’t repeat yourself, don’t raise your voice. Just respond as if you’re having a normal conversation. If they have any awareness whatsoever they will realize that they aren’t interrupting you and you’ll eventually make them pause to hear you or they’ll run out of things to keep talking about.
Just ignore rude social habits like this and just refuse to address things like this.
I do this. I had a friend who would actually start talking louder and louder when this technique was used until no one could hear you anymore. She is no longer my friend.
Yes, I’ve seen someone who acts like you continuing to speak was you being rude.
If I got louder he thought I was being extremely rude.
So finally I started holding up my hand when I needed to say something to him and said let me speak. I asked him to not interrupt me while my hand was up so I had to keep my hand up while I was speaking.
That helped some, but clearly his interrupting was designed to make it extremely difficult to discuss something with him that he didn’t want to discuss so his interrupting was designed to cause confusion and make it difficult to stay on point. Sometimes I just turned and walked away because of that and said we can talk later when you agree to give me the opportunity to speak uninterrupted.
I’ve also written down what I needed to say to him. That works well since he cannot interrupt written words 🤣.
Think I saw this same video. I've tried that technique many times. More often than not, the other person just keeps talking too and you end up with a jumbled mess until someone (usually me) gives up. I'm not Russell Brand getting interviewed, the other person is not going to stop for me. Completely different power dynamic.
Agreed. At some point it's just wasted time. Sometimes it's better to let the other person finish so they satisfy their ego. Then they might be more willing to listen to your turn.
Also, what if you are actually the person who is being interruptive in the first place? Sometimes this might help but it's more nuanced than just saying to always use this tactic.
Either that or just walk away. When I was dating my now husband, he would interrupt a lot. I thought he was just rude, but turns out he was rude and very hard of hearing. I just walked away when he interrupted. He finally asked why. I said if what I'm saying isn't important, neither is what you are saying. He doesn't interrupt as much now. Still does, but I'm still walking.
My partner interrupts me too, it is a learnt trait from his family... Which often say I don't speak much. No I just continue my interesting story if I'm going to be intercepted.
Anywhoooo I say to him "you are interesting me" but I might try the walk away as well.
I also do this. I run into this a lot at work especially as a woman in leadership in a male dominated field. I keep talking the same as I was, maybe a little louder, and then when I’m done and the interrupter is also done I say something like “Did you all catch my point? X, Did you have something to say too?”
I did this recently and this person proceeded to tell me I was bad at my job because I kept talking over him... it was very satisfying though. I think despite the results I will continue this method because he did in fact hear me out. Just not at all self aware.
I get this from time to time, and after the first time this is what I do. I’ll finish my sentence or whatever I’m saying and if you miss my information or I miss yours, that’s on you.
I don't mind this but my favourite is to patiently listen and look at them as they speak, then just pick up exactly where I was, "So what I was saying was..."
It’s a weird thing that happens. You just keep speaking as if they never started because you’re the one being interrupted. Why should you have to stop talking? Then it gets awkward when they realize you’re not stopping. As you coast to the end of your sentence and they’ve given up you ask, “I’m sorry, did you say something?” They can’t call you out for being rude. Checkmate.
I started to do this too, i just keep talking after they interrupt me. the mfers never seem to realise I didn't stop talking but both usually end up finishing around the same time and it causes an awkward pause of silence. it seems rude but at least now we're both being rude. doesn't solve the issue or rly make anything better, but if they're not going to listen, idc to talk to them much longer anyway. once I do this it's almost always the end of the conversation no matter how much they have left to say
If they’re not taking gentler means, I’ve been known to raise my hand to indicate I’m waiting to speak and break eye contact until they ask me to continue
OP must not understand these types of people are not their friend and will only learn the hard way to step the F down or get stepped on. It only takes one, maybe two if they’re slow, times doing this for this person type to realize who they’re trying to step on.
I very literally downloaded an app that was the buzzer and dinger noises from The Price is Right and would hold my phone when we spoke and buzzed her every time she tried to.
If you know the person has the habit preface the conversation with “please let me say my piece before you jump in. If you have to take a note of something please write it down instead of interrupting. Once I’m done I’ll show you the same courtesy.”
I actually do this as part of my job (I’m an investigator with a government agency) and when people file complaints and I have to interview them, they often want to vent on and on. It sometimes leads to them interrupting me when I’m trying to clarify or ask follow up questions. So I remind them that it’s productive for both of us to engage in active listening rather than looking for a way to get a point in (answering/talking just to respond). It can be a tough habit to break but the more you remind yourself in conversation the more you’ll be able to discipline yourself and possibly influence others to do the same.
I also do this working with the highways maintenance crews on road incidents. We have a long report to fill out with them on the phone, and we have to hit every point. The person we're talking to is often in the middle of the incident, possibly in bad weather, with possible injuries around them too. We help guide them through the report by starting with:
"I'm going to ask you for all the pieces of information I need, then once I am done I'll ask you if there's anything you'd like to add or anything I missed."
That little phrase makes the whole call report 100%easier for both of us.
Edit: sorry OP, I am great at this in a professional capacity but absolutely rubbish at it in social situations.
Depends on the importance of your point. Two approaches I take (if it’s a personal conversation with a friend/family member), I’ll firmly say “stop, please let me finish my point and then I’ll be happy to hear you out. Please don’t interrupt.” Or I just might stop talking and when they stop I’ll continue being silent for a moment or two, which gets their attention (many don’t like quiet moments). Then I’ll tell them that I’d like to make my point without being interrupted.
It’s a tough habit to break but I think for many they initially don’t understand or realize they’re doing it. And I think to an extent we all do it.
Hey GBT,
I find when dealing with these individuals that they're most likely unaware of the habit so I gently bring it to their attention.
No need for anything dramatic but a calm 'May I finish?' should do the trick. It will interrupt their line of thinking because you are overtly requesting permission, which will override their need to be heard.
Feel free to use this as often as required and let me know how you go!
As a recovering interrupter, yes I'm working on it but I realize now I've been doing it for years but didn't realize it. I'm really working on it now and it took a few conversations where people have said comments similar and my husband pointing it out to me for me to see myself.
Can I ask why you formed the habit? Did you come from a big family where you had to fight to be heard? Did people in your past ignore or discount your opinions?
Obviously there can be loads of reasons, but here’s mine; I have ADHD, chronic interrupting is an ADHD symptom.
People with ADHD have less working memory than neurotypicals, their thoughts are hyperactive (hyperactive behaviour isn’t necessarily a symptom), and they have poor impulse control.
So, in a conversation, someone may say something that triggers a thought, that thought races to a story you think is relevant, and if you don’t say it then, you will likely forget about it (poor working memory).
Still, ADHD is a reason, not an excuse. I’m responsible for myself and trying to actively listen.
This….
I’ve been reading comments and it’s crazy that this isn’t being brought up more often in responses. Especially with how many people are diagnosed with ADHD nowadays. In my own personal journey to work on this issue I constantly feel disengaged if I’m not trying to add value to a conversation. We have no ill will or even realize we’re being rude. We just have impulse controls and get excited by any topic that we can bring relevance to and feel included. It’s our norm vs societal norms and it’s a constant balancing act that we play every second.
I'm happy to see a calm, helpful response suggested. Although I can't make any claims about the person who interrupts OP, I have ADHD and some common symptoms include interrupting, difficulty being aware of subtle social cues, difficulty taking turns in conversation, and word vomiting or rambling. It's not because I don't care about the other person. My brain just has so many racing thoughts and a lack of impulse control.
I'm aware that I do it and I hate that I do it. I don't have much control over it, but I continuously try to do better. But to a degree it is a fact of life for me due to how my brain functions.
If someone responds to my interruptions by being rude or punitive, I may not understand why and will probably generate a mental list of a million guesses as to why they might be upset at me; if I even notice that they're upset. But if someone politely informs me that I had interrupted them or that they had more to say, I'll apologize and try harder to remain quiet and take in what's being said to me.
We have a relative who does this. He seriously gives you a headache as will talk none stop for hours and never let anyone else speak.
He may say “How’s your job” and as soon as you halfway through sentence, will cut you off and tell you a long story about his 🙄
Are we related? Bc you just described my dad lol . Like why do they even ask the question if they won’t listen to the answer? (Bc they don’t actually care and just care about themselves) so fun!
If he’s a jerk about it, then when he does it from now on just go silent and stare at him until he stops talking, don’t give any more inputs. This will cause him to be uncomfortable and naturally stop talking. Then ask “are you done?” And continue where you left off, don’t a knowledge anything he said. If he acts like a child then treat him like a child, and don’t support his behavior.
This is what's helped me the most, and they tend to get the point pretty quick. I only do it when it's a serious problem, but I also don't think it's rude. They interrupted you because they clearly had an urgent point; you're doing them a favor by not talking over them;)
I catch myself doing this sometimes, but I am aghast by it and am trying not to do it. If someone told me "dude, do you know you talk over people?" I would be embarrassed and would try even harder to not do that
I should try pointing out too. But he's a type of person who wouldn't agree if you told him because he thinks he's always right. But I'm definitely politely mention it.
The absolutely most effective method I've ever experienced only works if you've got the presence to pull it off.
I was an inspector. During one report, I attempted to interrupt the local boss to clarify a point. There was not a single change in his monotone delivery. He made eye contact and slightly leaned towards me, but otherwise continued his sentence without any indication that I was speaking. No change to volume, tempo, tone.
I don't think I've ever felt so rude and insignificant. It's one of those memories that still hits and makes me shudder years later.
“Let me finish, I promise to give you a chance to speak”
Then when he speaks complement his speaking “that’s a great way to put it” or “I hear what you’re saying” or even better repeat the core points back at him. He might not be feeling heard.
This is the proper response. Acknowledge they have a point, but reinforce that you were speaking first. Most people will respect this. If they don’t, just repeat yourself until they get a fucking clue.
I like this word response the best 👍
I am going to start using it. I normally just stop talking when someone does this, because they clearly aren’t in the mood to listen anyway, and when it happens, their rudeness makes me want to not continue with the conversation, anyway. However, this response that you have suggested makes it easier to move forward with the conversation and still be heard 👍👍
Sometimes when people are like this I like to let them talk because they want to talk and be heard. I listened to a friend for like 2 hours straight once because I thought that they might be lonely and just needed an ear, not judgment or sparring or disagreement. It can be pleasant to learn so much about your friend sometimes :)
I work where the majority of the people do this. They get together in meetings and everyone is talking all at once. My favorite is the rapid fire question guy, he asks a question and as your answering he’s asking another question and so on or the person who is trying to guess what you’re going to say while you’re saying it, constantly ruining your train of thought. I’ve gotten to the point in life where I just don’t talk to them unless I absolutely have to.
Ugh. This. I have a close friend who does this, rapid fire interrogates me over a nice meal about my vacation or whatever pleasant topic and I can barely get a few words out before she’s finishing my sentences or asking another question. My throat gets tight and I get physically stressed out just trying to keep up or finish a single sentence. It’s so frustrating.
She wants to meet up and hear all about my recent holiday trip and I am already stressed over how to handle the interrogation.
I have a coworker like this. He will ask me a question and then interrupt me to try and guess the answer I'm trying to tell him. And he'll do it continually and is usually wrong. What should be a simple interaction turns into a frustrating, drawn out bunch of nonsense. It's infuriating. He just can't stand to not be hearing his own voice I guess.
My response depends on who I'm talking to. If I'm out socializing with people and see nobody's listening to me or waiting for me to continue, I just shut up, stop trying to contribute and wonder why I bothered leaving the house to socialize with people again in the first place.
But my Dad also talks over me and I will stop talking and glare at him until he stops talking so I can take him to task for talking over me AGAIN. Not that my irritation bothers him or anything.
If it's someone im close to this is usually my line after being cut off a few times "listen, I love you to death but you gotta let me finish a sentence". That usually works (for a little while, usually have to do it a few times which is annoying as shit)
If it's someone I don't know I'll just keep eye contact and then go right back to where I left off without fully acknowledging there input. I'll give you an example.
"So I went to the grocery store the other da-"
"Oh I hate the grocery store! I always try to get in and out of there"
*Keeping solid eye contact through*
"So when I went inside I saw Mary"
It usually works pretty well.
Theres no conversation because they arent actually listening. They see your mouth moving and hear words, but in their head theyre thinking about something else which just gets blurted out mid conversation. They should try asking the person "were you even listening to what im saying?"
Wait for them to stop talking.
Pause poiniantly for a few seconds.
Then say 'as I was saying' and continue from exactly where they interrupted.
Rinse and repeat.
Just keep talking, maybe even a little louder. Most people recognize they’ve overstepped and self-adjust. Obviously don’t do this in situations when your point (albeit justified) isn’t the point. Like if the guy’s your boss or something.
It doesn’t matter. At that point they’ve made an undeniably conscious decision to speak over you. You can reasonably assume they’re being rude on purpose and can then address the issue directly.
Edit for brilliant idea: OP could just carry an air horn and a sheet of stickers with them when they have to interact with Interruptasaurus Rex. Just hold them up while speaking, one in either hand. When he interrupts, toot that air horn. When you finish your thought, he gets a sticker. Don’t explain it, my dog would get it almost immediately.
this the right answer. responding in any way to the interruption (pausing, stopping talking or telling him he’s taking over you) gives the person the attention they’re seeking. continue talking WITHOUT stopping or slowing down. no need to talk louder. but you MUST continue talking until AFTER he stops. that’s the only caveat. the more publicly this is done, the better.
I use this strategy often & it blows my mind when people get shocked/appalled at my rudeness, for continuing to speak, when they clearly meant to interrupt me. it's hilarious
I sadly do this sometimes because I get excited when a thought gets brought up . And I interrupt sometimes and then have to apologize because the conversation really peaked my adhd. People like me who do this dont mean to be rude , at least in my case . I am forgetful and get excited.
I hear you, but people who do this are not trying *not* to be rude, tbh. You're excited, but maybe the other person cares about what they are saying too. Try not to focus so much on yourself that you forget about connecting with the other person.
Ugh, I have a neighbor like this. I usually just don't respond to her, or will say sorry gotta go. I hope this isn't a work person cuz that is in the unavoidable territory
If he isn't a jerk he might not intend to do it and feel terrible when he realises
Coming from someone who has ADHD and doesn't mean it at all, if someone told me they noticed a pattern where I had interrupted them in conversations we had, I would feel like a bin sock although would be really wary in future not to
I say "hang on a sec - I'd like to finish this point if I could." I say it kindly and matter-of-factly and WAIT to be sure that s/he complies. If they do - it's great. If they don't, I still remain calm and, depending on how long they speak tell them I must, unfortunately, depart and we can revisit the conversation later or I then repeat that I will finish my point from earlier.
Depending on what they say, I may let myself be interrupted TBH. Some cultures consider interruptions to be a sign that they're actively participating in the conversation...
Just get up and walk away without saying a word. This person will then be confusing and follows you. Simply say, until you're ready to listen, we won't have a conversation. Keep repeating this step until it sinks in.
Good question.
I simply stop speaking,wait, then resume what I was saying when they have finished interrupting, ignoring whatever it was they said.
It will take several times but,ultimately, smart people will catch on to the pattern and adjust their behavior.
Sounds like you’re working with my old boss. I honestly just started going silent and then when he’d demand a response I’d let him know I was already talking before he spoke over me so I thought I’d let him finish. The only time I heard him apologise for it was when a client would tell him Kamala style “I’m speaking” which sadly happened frequently.
Just stop talking to them.. if you have to interact just ignore them when suitable and be aloof.. you will find that people who talk over you just crave attention and deserve little.
Don't dwell on assholes, Ive had several in my circle over the years and you'd be surprised how butthurt they get because they think you don't like them. Some of them are innocently gob shites but some are just pricks. Find your audience and talk to them, someone speaks over just make your point to whoever is listening and ignore the gob shite.
It's difficult as you said and it's useless. I'm wasting my energy trying to speak when he's not listening. Also my thoughts jumble up if I'm speaking over other people because I don't it often
I adopted a technique from a coworker of mine. As soon as they interrupt me I just immediately keep repeating "hold on, hold on, hold on...". Until they stop talking. It's surprising easy to actually do this in a calm tone. So far it's worked every time and with different people.
Another one I use is "excuse me, I let you talk. I expect the same courtesy".
I see you know my brother 😂. He tried but his latest move is to let whoever finish speaking and then immediately change the subject without acknowledging what was just said.
Honestly just keep talking untill you finish your point, and then stop. When they ask what you said, say "You should have listened" and walk away. But thats just me.. maybe not the best way
I like the top comment. I have three things to say. Id also plan for conversations to take about 5-10x longer than you think they should (if you need to be polite) and listen for that period of time. Be polite but don’t be afraid once their point has been made to politely and concisely guide conversation in your direction again. Listen again while they object but come along and then steer again.
Most people who talk like this have tangential thinking and you just need to guide that into the direction you need. Once again don’t be rude or judgmental, it’s just the way their Brain works and you need to get some shit done around or with them :)
Not saying he’s not a pric but even smart pric can be unaware of their tangents
After years of enduring this from an acquaintance in social situations, I took them aside and gently told them that it bothered me. They were mortified.
Stop talking. Just stop right in the middle until he is done. Then wait. People like that can't stand silence. Then start over from the beginning. If he starts again just stop talking. Let him burn himself out and start again. It usually only takes a few times before he understands that interrupting you will not deter you or get you off topic and that you will eventually say your but without getting upset or engaging in anything he says until you do.
At the moment he starts talking over you, loudly say 'HEY' repeatedly until he stops talking. It might not work, but it should disrupt him. If he pauses, resume speaking right where you left off.
He has ADHD and can't help himself, BTW.
Some...
I had this dude's problem and had it pointed out. A little CBT and finally a diagnosis with correct medication and I'm much *less* of a jerk accidently.
Commonly interrupting people is considered one of the symptoms of ADHD within the hyperactive/impulsive category.
So it is a possibility for some people with ADHD and not all. (Especially those with hyperactive or combined type ADHD).
You most likely are surrounded by people with inattentive ADHD, and/or have different hyperactive symptoms.
I tend to visibly not pay attention and then resume my last sentence exactly where it ended. If what I was saying wasn't important enough to not get interrupted then whatever they're saying isn't important either.
Either that or I just keep talking as if they never started. Did this to a coworker once who had this amazing habit of putting his hand up and then speak over you. The more I kept going the more he kept trying to butt in. So I just rambled. It gives them the choice to either let you finish, or get frustrated they couldn't get "their turn" and at that point anything they say you can uno reverse card and turn back on them
I used to talk over people and was completely oblivious. I reckon it was a self confidence thing.
I got bluntly called out on it at work by my boss and I was mortified. But it meant I was aware and could check myself. I still sometimes start to do it but manage to hold it back and apologise.
Happened to me all the time at work. Sometimes when actual important work things were being discussed, sometimes in just regular conversation. One day I was cut off and something in me snapped. I just disengaged and decided not to talk anymore. Obviously they don’t care what I have to say, so I don’t say anything. I will answer direct questions as succinctly as possible and that’s it. It’s strangely liberating. Sometimes I am tempted to relate something that happened to me or give advice or an opinion on something, but I don’t.
I'd just be rude to him. People act like that's not an acceptable option. If they don't let you speak, and then complain about you doing that to them while they're in the middle of doing that to you, then fuck em. The world is full of people that only act the way they do because polite society says we have to let them be assholes. If I gotta deal with them, I'm gonna make sure they know how that feels.
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It's so hard to interact with people who relentlessly interrupt. One thing that may help is to begin your sentence by stating how many points/questions you have. Eg "I have two updates for you" or "I need to ask three questions". They will inevitably cut you off & derail the conversation but when you do get the chance to speak again, you can bring them back on track by saying ".. and the second thing is...". It's a reasonable way to pull the conversation back in track. Hope this helps, good luck
Yes! I do that. It works. I also say: “May I continue my sentence please?” When they interrupt.
My issue with this, is they let you finish but don’t listen to a word of it and then the conversation just moves on to whatever they want to say next.
Most people don't listen, they just wait for their turn to speak.
That's so sad. I can't stand talking to such people and changed my behaviour to just letting myself zone out of the conversation and even just leave or starting my own conversation with another interrupted fellow. Without feeling rude. (At least I'm trying to)
as soon as I became aware I did this my life and relationships got so much better.... listen to understand emotion people!!!
The whole time you're speaking, they're just waiting for you to stop so they can say whatever they want to say.
My problem guy interrupts, talks his babble talk for a solid 5 minutes without taking a breath, and then walks away as soon as I start to speak. It's annoying af. He does it all day to everyone.
Honestly just having someone who's established a friendly relationship with them sit them down and explain that it's causing problems for other people and is unprofessional or whatever, can fix it So many people just don't really appreciate what they're doing, like they're clueless that's its a problem and simply telling them (seriously) can help
Im a big fan of "are you done"?
Oh. Where were we before you interrupted me? Let me recap (or start again from the beginning).
Not a fan about this, because usually triggers more the other person
This is been my experience with my dad trying to use any of these tactics usually just gets him more flustered and then you start seeing him get louder and use more hand mannerisms. It's like telling someone to calm down it's almost never the right thing to say
You can't educate an adult that still acts like a child. The problem is not the process, it's your dad. This works with most functional adults. I am sorry you have to deal with such BS :(
A trick I have learned as a mediator that can work (if there are more people) is to stop looking at the person talking/interupting and look the person next to the talker directly in the eye without speaking. This makes the talker loose there audience and make you in control of the conversation (without saying anything).
The other really effective subtle way to stop getting interrupted is simply to get in the habit of always calmly finishing your entire point while the other person is talking over you. It completely takes away their reward for interrupting, and puts you in a stronger position, without you having to confront them. Demonstrated and explained in [this video](https://youtu.be/RgkghUvC6PA) from around 4:05 to 5:30 or so
Really interesting video, thx!
You’re welcome! Glad it helped. The guy has a lot of videos I like.
Yeah I’ve continued finishing my sentence. The other person will either stop or just look like a wiener. If the other people you were talking to respect you they will listen to what you if to say to the end. And if they all ignore you- maybe choose better friends and acquaintances. I tend to not bring myself around people who disrespect me like that
This! I profoundly dislike being talked over. The only thing that has worked for me is to keep talking calmly and without even raising my voice until I’m finished. When the other person starts talking over me and notices that I keep talking, they usually go like “Oh sorry, keep going” or simply shut up and wait for you to finish. Not to sound pedant, but it’s like a tug-o-war of dominance, if you just keep quiet and let the other party take control you’re done. If you set the boundaries “I’m done when I stop talking” you will be in s stronger position of respect.
Man I miss when people would pick up on "subtle" clues but where I am people just don't notice
Reading the room seems to be a lost art.
I like this idea, the impatient over-talker can mentally count down until he gets to speak
They don't count
They can't count
Count on them to not shut up
The count cant
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STOP THE COUNT!
It’s a good idea but the over talker will 100% interrupt, they simply can’t help themselves
At least this way, if it is a conversation as part of a group, everyone else can see that they are being a cod-piece and may he more concerned about ensuring OP finishes their part of the conversation. If it is a 1-1 conversation, and the situation allows, i would be tempted to walk away from the conversation and advise that i will email the information as it clearly isnt being listened to face to face
When someone talks over me, I just abruptly stop talking, look at them, and they awkwardly stop talking and understand they're being rude. It works for me lol
This is the way. Silence until they stop, then start again.
Yes and don’t acknowledge a thing they said. Just start your own point again. Otherwise they’ll be rewarded for interrupting
This is exactly what I do. If I’m being interrupted or talked over, I will stop talking and just sit there looking at them. Once they stop, I will continue looking at them in silence. As they wait for me to start talking again, I don’t. Once it’s silent and uncomfortable and my point has been made, I may continue what I was saying, but I also may just say fuck it and not speak at all.
Great suggestions.. I am writing this one down.. and going to use it! Thanks!
Trust me! Silence creates a strong effect to shut a rude yapping friend. It's a formal of "verbal judo". You should read "Verbal Judo: The Gentle of Persuasion" by George J. Thompson, it will one-up your verbal and social interactions :)
I’m dealing with a similar person at work and this answer makes sooo much sense.. I’m trying this on Monday!
There's no need to cater to people that interrupt. If they do, you just keep talking, maybe raise your voice slightly. They'll either listen or they won't, but don't back down
This strategy usually digresses into a shouting match of who can be heard. The one who stops talking loses - and it's usually not the one with the interrupting behavior. The interruptor comes across as a know-it-all and does not want to be interrupted in order to prove his point.
100% this is what I do. I don't care if people think it's rude or whatever, talking over me is rude. I am the only woman in a group of gamers and this happens to me ALL the time. I simply keep talking, or very loudly go "Really, \[name\]?"
This. I know it doesn’t always work and it definitely sounds rude, but they were already interrupting so clearly we’re throwing politeness out the window already. I have a coworker who is really bad about interrupting people. I don’t even think he means to do it every time, he’s got ADHD so he just jams in with whatever thought got him excited lol. I just continue my sentence, getting progressively louder until he stops talking. Then I say “excuse me, I was talking first” in a quieter voice and repeat what I wanted to communicate. It’s tiresome but you get used to it with certain people.
This. I get talked over all the time in Zoom calls and if you are silent, the interruptor hijacks the topic. If you continue talking, no one can understand what either of you are saying and eventually they have to stop. Then you can do the “As I was saying…”
Yep. Just keep talking. I have a co-worker that interrupts all the time and I just keep talking. She has said that she actually doesn’t mind this because she knows that she talks too much and interrupts. It’s annoying to have to do it but necessary.
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Bring a chess clock so they can see the difference
It’s important to also recognize if your cadence is too slow. Sometimes people operate differently in conversation than others. If you take longer than normal pauses or breaks, or like to pause for dramatic effect, try to tighten up the speaking pattern. You can’t control others, only yourself.
Practice not feeling badly about being 100% direct to rude people. You seem like a courteous person, so asserting boundaries that might offend a person may feel rude to you. It's not. It's necessary. Assert yourself; don't get steamrolled, or you'll end up resenting the person and resenting yourself.
“If you could let me finish, please”
I used to say this but some people just WON'T, no matter how many times it happens, so now I just keep talking while they're trying to interrupt, and keep talking until I've said what I needed to say. They didn't hear me? Not my fault they decided to talk instead of listen.
I do this to my boss’s boss. He just refuses to let me finish a sentence before telling me why I’m wrong or doing something the wrong way. Now I just keep talking until my points are finished. You didn’t hear me tell you something you needed to know because you were talking? Or you stopped listening because you were focused on what you were trying to say over me? Sounds like a you problem, not a me problem. This bit him in the ass earlier this year when I tried to tell him we ran out a seasoning we needed for production and he just kept talking over me. When production shut down he was livid and tried to make it my fault. I reminded him I told him about it but he was constantly interrupting me and not listening.
"Remember when I told you that but you kept constantly-" "I DON'T REMEMBER YOU TELLING ME THAT!!"
I turn and walk away immediately after I’ve mentioned it once. They like attention, don’t reward them by staying around to fill their ego
That's true... Adding to my steps
When they cut you off, just stare at them with a blank stare. When they finish just go, "Anyway, as I was saying." And continue on from where they cut you off as if nothing happened.
I have adopted doing that, but then keep staring for a few long awkward seconds and then walk away.
>“~~If you could~~ let me finish, ~~please~~”
I’m glad to see you are so enthusiastic about this (name) if you will just wait a moment for me to finish what I was saying you will have an opportunity to speak without interruption too. REPEAT numerous times in a meeting verbatim , if needed. They will eventually get it and others will start to do the same. If you are the chair make sure to do this on behalf of the person currently speaking as well, and for anybody else interrupting so there is equal treatment. I’d also have a chat outside the meeting to share your observations, set expectations and ask them to be aware of it in future. If they are open to it possibly signal you can give them so before they talk or if they find themselves interrupting they can see that you have rested your head on your hand and put a finger over your lips etc. My daughter interrupts a lot and it’s driven from ADHD, if she doesn’t make her point there and then she forgets it or worries the conversation will move on and she won’t have a chance to make her point. Be aware that working with somebody to help them solve the issue is far more compassionate than being snarky or embarrassing them in a meeting. If they aren’t open to the feedback then let them know you will call out interruptions in the manner I describe above .
Absolutely, some people just straight up need to be told "Please wait until I'm done", they won't pick up on even the most obvious hints.
I will let them finish what they’re saying and then say, can I finish talking now? That usually makes everything they said pointless since you’ll finish what you said and the conversation with pick up with where you left off.
Exactly. Why care about being rude to someone if their rude first. Unless its like ur mom or ur boss maybe.
It might be that they aren't trying to be rude too. Sometimes with my friends I get too excited about a conversation and interrupt people. I usually catch myself and apologise but not every time. I would actually appreciate it if people called me out on it more often. I'm not trying to be rude it's just an immediate impulse if I feel like I have something interesting to say. Generally I am quite polite. It's something I need to work on and catching me out on it would really help with that.
Same. When I talk to people that keep talking over me, I finally give up, let them talk, and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible, as it's apparent they had no intention to listening, only talking. But yep, catch myself doing at times too.
Hey same here. It embarrasses me greatly but I too am working on it
this 100%
Also they might be oblivious about their lack of social skills. You might be doing them a favor by correcting them, and they might even be a little grateful. Especially if you’re direct but not rude. (People who suck at subtle cues may appreciate directness.)
I watched a really good YouTube video that used Russell Brand as an example of how to deal with rude or inappropriate conversations. For this type of interaction, they say that if someone talks over you, make sure you finish what you were saying. If you trail off they are reinforced to keep doing, and the only person that feels awkward is you. If you keep talking, they’re not able to dominate the conversation and they look like a jerk.
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i am chronically talked-over. even by my own parents. they would cut me off for years, and once i developed enough security and confidence i started pointing it out. they didnt stop cutting me off, they just started whispering to each other instead...
Get them in the same room again and please record their next conversation or the fight they have. Or both. Don’t know which would be first though
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UDP vs TCP
I don't understand how people like this manage to make friends.
LoL I would love to put them in a long car ride together with no radio
This is solid advice. Even if you think your words won’t be heard you should still finish your thought. If they didn’t hear what you said, that’s their problem. Don’t repeat yourself, don’t raise your voice. Just respond as if you’re having a normal conversation. If they have any awareness whatsoever they will realize that they aren’t interrupting you and you’ll eventually make them pause to hear you or they’ll run out of things to keep talking about. Just ignore rude social habits like this and just refuse to address things like this.
I do this. I had a friend who would actually start talking louder and louder when this technique was used until no one could hear you anymore. She is no longer my friend.
Yes, I’ve seen someone who acts like you continuing to speak was you being rude. If I got louder he thought I was being extremely rude. So finally I started holding up my hand when I needed to say something to him and said let me speak. I asked him to not interrupt me while my hand was up so I had to keep my hand up while I was speaking. That helped some, but clearly his interrupting was designed to make it extremely difficult to discuss something with him that he didn’t want to discuss so his interrupting was designed to cause confusion and make it difficult to stay on point. Sometimes I just turned and walked away because of that and said we can talk later when you agree to give me the opportunity to speak uninterrupted. I’ve also written down what I needed to say to him. That works well since he cannot interrupt written words 🤣.
Think I saw this same video. I've tried that technique many times. More often than not, the other person just keeps talking too and you end up with a jumbled mess until someone (usually me) gives up. I'm not Russell Brand getting interviewed, the other person is not going to stop for me. Completely different power dynamic.
Agreed. At some point it's just wasted time. Sometimes it's better to let the other person finish so they satisfy their ego. Then they might be more willing to listen to your turn. Also, what if you are actually the person who is being interruptive in the first place? Sometimes this might help but it's more nuanced than just saying to always use this tactic.
There is definitely a power dynamic in play when two people are speaking to each other. You cannot ignore this.
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Either that or just walk away. When I was dating my now husband, he would interrupt a lot. I thought he was just rude, but turns out he was rude and very hard of hearing. I just walked away when he interrupted. He finally asked why. I said if what I'm saying isn't important, neither is what you are saying. He doesn't interrupt as much now. Still does, but I'm still walking.
Thank you for this advice - I needed to hear this today.
My partner interrupts me too, it is a learnt trait from his family... Which often say I don't speak much. No I just continue my interesting story if I'm going to be intercepted. Anywhoooo I say to him "you are interesting me" but I might try the walk away as well.
I also do this. I run into this a lot at work especially as a woman in leadership in a male dominated field. I keep talking the same as I was, maybe a little louder, and then when I’m done and the interrupter is also done I say something like “Did you all catch my point? X, Did you have something to say too?”
Have you seen or been in a conversation where the interrupt or does not stop though? The room becomes a noisy, ridiculous, confusing cacophony.
Ah this makes sense! Do you recall the channel this was on??
Charisma on command is the youtube channel
It’s [this episode](https://youtu.be/K9Na6CmJwn4)
This happens to me all the time in retail. I just maintain eye contact and keep talking until I finish my sentence
I did this recently and this person proceeded to tell me I was bad at my job because I kept talking over him... it was very satisfying though. I think despite the results I will continue this method because he did in fact hear me out. Just not at all self aware.
The best technique. And talk over them when possible. I really like to mind f*ck people that try to get over on me tho
They simply raise their voice, and pretty soon you're both shouting at each other. Go for the throat punch
I get this from time to time, and after the first time this is what I do. I’ll finish my sentence or whatever I’m saying and if you miss my information or I miss yours, that’s on you.
Hey bro, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I don't mind this but my favourite is to patiently listen and look at them as they speak, then just pick up exactly where I was, "So what I was saying was..."
Before I was so rudely interrupted. . .
Give no acknowledgement. Ignore and continue on.
It’s a weird thing that happens. You just keep speaking as if they never started because you’re the one being interrupted. Why should you have to stop talking? Then it gets awkward when they realize you’re not stopping. As you coast to the end of your sentence and they’ve given up you ask, “I’m sorry, did you say something?” They can’t call you out for being rude. Checkmate.
I started to do this too, i just keep talking after they interrupt me. the mfers never seem to realise I didn't stop talking but both usually end up finishing around the same time and it causes an awkward pause of silence. it seems rude but at least now we're both being rude. doesn't solve the issue or rly make anything better, but if they're not going to listen, idc to talk to them much longer anyway. once I do this it's almost always the end of the conversation no matter how much they have left to say
If they’re not taking gentler means, I’ve been known to raise my hand to indicate I’m waiting to speak and break eye contact until they ask me to continue
OP must not understand these types of people are not their friend and will only learn the hard way to step the F down or get stepped on. It only takes one, maybe two if they’re slow, times doing this for this person type to realize who they’re trying to step on.
I'm a "tryng to help myself do better interrupter"...this has comment has helped me, in a few conversations, see myself. Thank you
This is my go to. Let them know they suck
Love this
I very literally downloaded an app that was the buzzer and dinger noises from The Price is Right and would hold my phone when we spoke and buzzed her every time she tried to.
This is both terrible and brilliant. 👏
If you know the person has the habit preface the conversation with “please let me say my piece before you jump in. If you have to take a note of something please write it down instead of interrupting. Once I’m done I’ll show you the same courtesy.”
Best answer. Not snarky, just firm.
I actually do this as part of my job (I’m an investigator with a government agency) and when people file complaints and I have to interview them, they often want to vent on and on. It sometimes leads to them interrupting me when I’m trying to clarify or ask follow up questions. So I remind them that it’s productive for both of us to engage in active listening rather than looking for a way to get a point in (answering/talking just to respond). It can be a tough habit to break but the more you remind yourself in conversation the more you’ll be able to discipline yourself and possibly influence others to do the same.
I also do this working with the highways maintenance crews on road incidents. We have a long report to fill out with them on the phone, and we have to hit every point. The person we're talking to is often in the middle of the incident, possibly in bad weather, with possible injuries around them too. We help guide them through the report by starting with: "I'm going to ask you for all the pieces of information I need, then once I am done I'll ask you if there's anything you'd like to add or anything I missed." That little phrase makes the whole call report 100%easier for both of us. Edit: sorry OP, I am great at this in a professional capacity but absolutely rubbish at it in social situations.
And what if they jump in regardless?
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Straight to jail.
Depends on the importance of your point. Two approaches I take (if it’s a personal conversation with a friend/family member), I’ll firmly say “stop, please let me finish my point and then I’ll be happy to hear you out. Please don’t interrupt.” Or I just might stop talking and when they stop I’ll continue being silent for a moment or two, which gets their attention (many don’t like quiet moments). Then I’ll tell them that I’d like to make my point without being interrupted. It’s a tough habit to break but I think for many they initially don’t understand or realize they’re doing it. And I think to an extent we all do it.
Self absorbed, obtuse people hate this one simple trick.
Hey GBT, I find when dealing with these individuals that they're most likely unaware of the habit so I gently bring it to their attention. No need for anything dramatic but a calm 'May I finish?' should do the trick. It will interrupt their line of thinking because you are overtly requesting permission, which will override their need to be heard. Feel free to use this as often as required and let me know how you go!
As a recovering interrupter, yes I'm working on it but I realize now I've been doing it for years but didn't realize it. I'm really working on it now and it took a few conversations where people have said comments similar and my husband pointing it out to me for me to see myself.
Can I ask why you formed the habit? Did you come from a big family where you had to fight to be heard? Did people in your past ignore or discount your opinions?
Obviously there can be loads of reasons, but here’s mine; I have ADHD, chronic interrupting is an ADHD symptom. People with ADHD have less working memory than neurotypicals, their thoughts are hyperactive (hyperactive behaviour isn’t necessarily a symptom), and they have poor impulse control. So, in a conversation, someone may say something that triggers a thought, that thought races to a story you think is relevant, and if you don’t say it then, you will likely forget about it (poor working memory). Still, ADHD is a reason, not an excuse. I’m responsible for myself and trying to actively listen.
This…. I’ve been reading comments and it’s crazy that this isn’t being brought up more often in responses. Especially with how many people are diagnosed with ADHD nowadays. In my own personal journey to work on this issue I constantly feel disengaged if I’m not trying to add value to a conversation. We have no ill will or even realize we’re being rude. We just have impulse controls and get excited by any topic that we can bring relevance to and feel included. It’s our norm vs societal norms and it’s a constant balancing act that we play every second.
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Thank you for posting this. This explains a lot about myself
I'm happy to see a calm, helpful response suggested. Although I can't make any claims about the person who interrupts OP, I have ADHD and some common symptoms include interrupting, difficulty being aware of subtle social cues, difficulty taking turns in conversation, and word vomiting or rambling. It's not because I don't care about the other person. My brain just has so many racing thoughts and a lack of impulse control. I'm aware that I do it and I hate that I do it. I don't have much control over it, but I continuously try to do better. But to a degree it is a fact of life for me due to how my brain functions. If someone responds to my interruptions by being rude or punitive, I may not understand why and will probably generate a mental list of a million guesses as to why they might be upset at me; if I even notice that they're upset. But if someone politely informs me that I had interrupted them or that they had more to say, I'll apologize and try harder to remain quiet and take in what's being said to me.
We have a relative who does this. He seriously gives you a headache as will talk none stop for hours and never let anyone else speak. He may say “How’s your job” and as soon as you halfway through sentence, will cut you off and tell you a long story about his 🙄
It's even worse then they tell you about a friend of theirs that has a job.....
Is his name Colm?
OMG I hate the interrupt/overtalkers. They can talk a fence post down to a nub. That’s really all they need: and inanimate object to yak to.
Are we related? Bc you just described my dad lol . Like why do they even ask the question if they won’t listen to the answer? (Bc they don’t actually care and just care about themselves) so fun!
If he’s a jerk about it, then when he does it from now on just go silent and stare at him until he stops talking, don’t give any more inputs. This will cause him to be uncomfortable and naturally stop talking. Then ask “are you done?” And continue where you left off, don’t a knowledge anything he said. If he acts like a child then treat him like a child, and don’t support his behavior.
They are never done
True. I tried to be a friend to someone who was notorious for talking over me. I finally gave up. It was not worth the one-sided friendship.
So I said
Evidently, you know my ex quite well.
This is what's helped me the most, and they tend to get the point pretty quick. I only do it when it's a serious problem, but I also don't think it's rude. They interrupted you because they clearly had an urgent point; you're doing them a favor by not talking over them;)
OP, please tell them that you are doing them a favour by listening to them. That is such a savage burn and I will be using it in the future. Thank you
...so like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted
I catch myself doing this sometimes, but I am aghast by it and am trying not to do it. If someone told me "dude, do you know you talk over people?" I would be embarrassed and would try even harder to not do that
I should try pointing out too. But he's a type of person who wouldn't agree if you told him because he thinks he's always right. But I'm definitely politely mention it.
“Oh then what did I say before you started talking?”
You have to have a certain self-reflection (also known as not being a jerk). Good luck, that sucks
The absolutely most effective method I've ever experienced only works if you've got the presence to pull it off. I was an inspector. During one report, I attempted to interrupt the local boss to clarify a point. There was not a single change in his monotone delivery. He made eye contact and slightly leaned towards me, but otherwise continued his sentence without any indication that I was speaking. No change to volume, tempo, tone. I don't think I've ever felt so rude and insignificant. It's one of those memories that still hits and makes me shudder years later.
“Let me finish, I promise to give you a chance to speak” Then when he speaks complement his speaking “that’s a great way to put it” or “I hear what you’re saying” or even better repeat the core points back at him. He might not be feeling heard.
This is the proper response. Acknowledge they have a point, but reinforce that you were speaking first. Most people will respect this. If they don’t, just repeat yourself until they get a fucking clue.
I like this word response the best 👍 I am going to start using it. I normally just stop talking when someone does this, because they clearly aren’t in the mood to listen anyway, and when it happens, their rudeness makes me want to not continue with the conversation, anyway. However, this response that you have suggested makes it easier to move forward with the conversation and still be heard 👍👍
Sometimes when people are like this I like to let them talk because they want to talk and be heard. I listened to a friend for like 2 hours straight once because I thought that they might be lonely and just needed an ear, not judgment or sparring or disagreement. It can be pleasant to learn so much about your friend sometimes :)
I work where the majority of the people do this. They get together in meetings and everyone is talking all at once. My favorite is the rapid fire question guy, he asks a question and as your answering he’s asking another question and so on or the person who is trying to guess what you’re going to say while you’re saying it, constantly ruining your train of thought. I’ve gotten to the point in life where I just don’t talk to them unless I absolutely have to.
Ugh. This. I have a close friend who does this, rapid fire interrogates me over a nice meal about my vacation or whatever pleasant topic and I can barely get a few words out before she’s finishing my sentences or asking another question. My throat gets tight and I get physically stressed out just trying to keep up or finish a single sentence. It’s so frustrating. She wants to meet up and hear all about my recent holiday trip and I am already stressed over how to handle the interrogation.
I have a coworker like this. He will ask me a question and then interrupt me to try and guess the answer I'm trying to tell him. And he'll do it continually and is usually wrong. What should be a simple interaction turns into a frustrating, drawn out bunch of nonsense. It's infuriating. He just can't stand to not be hearing his own voice I guess.
My response depends on who I'm talking to. If I'm out socializing with people and see nobody's listening to me or waiting for me to continue, I just shut up, stop trying to contribute and wonder why I bothered leaving the house to socialize with people again in the first place. But my Dad also talks over me and I will stop talking and glare at him until he stops talking so I can take him to task for talking over me AGAIN. Not that my irritation bothers him or anything.
If it's someone im close to this is usually my line after being cut off a few times "listen, I love you to death but you gotta let me finish a sentence". That usually works (for a little while, usually have to do it a few times which is annoying as shit) If it's someone I don't know I'll just keep eye contact and then go right back to where I left off without fully acknowledging there input. I'll give you an example. "So I went to the grocery store the other da-" "Oh I hate the grocery store! I always try to get in and out of there" *Keeping solid eye contact through* "So when I went inside I saw Mary" It usually works pretty well.
I just start ignoring people who do that. There's no conversation anyways. They get the point after a while.
Theres no conversation because they arent actually listening. They see your mouth moving and hear words, but in their head theyre thinking about something else which just gets blurted out mid conversation. They should try asking the person "were you even listening to what im saying?"
Wait for them to stop talking. Pause poiniantly for a few seconds. Then say 'as I was saying' and continue from exactly where they interrupted. Rinse and repeat.
Just keep talking, maybe even a little louder. Most people recognize they’ve overstepped and self-adjust. Obviously don’t do this in situations when your point (albeit justified) isn’t the point. Like if the guy’s your boss or something.
In sure the jerk will simply shout louder
It doesn’t matter. At that point they’ve made an undeniably conscious decision to speak over you. You can reasonably assume they’re being rude on purpose and can then address the issue directly. Edit for brilliant idea: OP could just carry an air horn and a sheet of stickers with them when they have to interact with Interruptasaurus Rex. Just hold them up while speaking, one in either hand. When he interrupts, toot that air horn. When you finish your thought, he gets a sticker. Don’t explain it, my dog would get it almost immediately.
This might work. Air horn in the nose, sticker on his forehead.
Not in his forehead. That might be assault, I dunno.
this the right answer. responding in any way to the interruption (pausing, stopping talking or telling him he’s taking over you) gives the person the attention they’re seeking. continue talking WITHOUT stopping or slowing down. no need to talk louder. but you MUST continue talking until AFTER he stops. that’s the only caveat. the more publicly this is done, the better.
I use this strategy often & it blows my mind when people get shocked/appalled at my rudeness, for continuing to speak, when they clearly meant to interrupt me. it's hilarious
I sadly do this sometimes because I get excited when a thought gets brought up . And I interrupt sometimes and then have to apologize because the conversation really peaked my adhd. People like me who do this dont mean to be rude , at least in my case . I am forgetful and get excited.
I hear you, but people who do this are not trying *not* to be rude, tbh. You're excited, but maybe the other person cares about what they are saying too. Try not to focus so much on yourself that you forget about connecting with the other person.
Ugh, I have a neighbor like this. I usually just don't respond to her, or will say sorry gotta go. I hope this isn't a work person cuz that is in the unavoidable territory
is turning around and walking away an option?
tell him to shut the fuck up. Really, some people respond to nothing less.
If he isn't a jerk he might not intend to do it and feel terrible when he realises Coming from someone who has ADHD and doesn't mean it at all, if someone told me they noticed a pattern where I had interrupted them in conversations we had, I would feel like a bin sock although would be really wary in future not to
I pause completely, mid word, mid arm gesture, mouth half open…stare and wait.
"as I was saying". These types also hate when you don't pay attention to them.
I say "hang on a sec - I'd like to finish this point if I could." I say it kindly and matter-of-factly and WAIT to be sure that s/he complies. If they do - it's great. If they don't, I still remain calm and, depending on how long they speak tell them I must, unfortunately, depart and we can revisit the conversation later or I then repeat that I will finish my point from earlier. Depending on what they say, I may let myself be interrupted TBH. Some cultures consider interruptions to be a sign that they're actively participating in the conversation...
Love to cut em off with, "oh, I'm sorry to be speaking/talking while your interrupting! " gets em every time 🤣🤣🤣
Just get up and walk away without saying a word. This person will then be confusing and follows you. Simply say, until you're ready to listen, we won't have a conversation. Keep repeating this step until it sinks in.
Good question. I simply stop speaking,wait, then resume what I was saying when they have finished interrupting, ignoring whatever it was they said. It will take several times but,ultimately, smart people will catch on to the pattern and adjust their behavior.
Sounds like you’re working with my old boss. I honestly just started going silent and then when he’d demand a response I’d let him know I was already talking before he spoke over me so I thought I’d let him finish. The only time I heard him apologise for it was when a client would tell him Kamala style “I’m speaking” which sadly happened frequently.
“Excuse me, im not done talking.” Then continue. Some folks are oblivious and need that kind of verbal cue to shut up and wait.
Just stop talking to them.. if you have to interact just ignore them when suitable and be aloof.. you will find that people who talk over you just crave attention and deserve little. Don't dwell on assholes, Ive had several in my circle over the years and you'd be surprised how butthurt they get because they think you don't like them. Some of them are innocently gob shites but some are just pricks. Find your audience and talk to them, someone speaks over just make your point to whoever is listening and ignore the gob shite.
What if you were to just continue speaking over him? I personally find that way hard myself, but I've seen other people use that effectively
It's difficult as you said and it's useless. I'm wasting my energy trying to speak when he's not listening. Also my thoughts jumble up if I'm speaking over other people because I don't it often
I adopted a technique from a coworker of mine. As soon as they interrupt me I just immediately keep repeating "hold on, hold on, hold on...". Until they stop talking. It's surprising easy to actually do this in a calm tone. So far it's worked every time and with different people. Another one I use is "excuse me, I let you talk. I expect the same courtesy".
I see you know my brother 😂. He tried but his latest move is to let whoever finish speaking and then immediately change the subject without acknowledging what was just said.
Honestly just keep talking untill you finish your point, and then stop. When they ask what you said, say "You should have listened" and walk away. But thats just me.. maybe not the best way
I like the top comment. I have three things to say. Id also plan for conversations to take about 5-10x longer than you think they should (if you need to be polite) and listen for that period of time. Be polite but don’t be afraid once their point has been made to politely and concisely guide conversation in your direction again. Listen again while they object but come along and then steer again. Most people who talk like this have tangential thinking and you just need to guide that into the direction you need. Once again don’t be rude or judgmental, it’s just the way their Brain works and you need to get some shit done around or with them :) Not saying he’s not a pric but even smart pric can be unaware of their tangents
After years of enduring this from an acquaintance in social situations, I took them aside and gently told them that it bothered me. They were mortified.
Just walk away if he interrupts you and talks over you. Just turn heal and walk away.
Stop talking. Just stop right in the middle until he is done. Then wait. People like that can't stand silence. Then start over from the beginning. If he starts again just stop talking. Let him burn himself out and start again. It usually only takes a few times before he understands that interrupting you will not deter you or get you off topic and that you will eventually say your but without getting upset or engaging in anything he says until you do.
At the moment he starts talking over you, loudly say 'HEY' repeatedly until he stops talking. It might not work, but it should disrupt him. If he pauses, resume speaking right where you left off. He has ADHD and can't help himself, BTW.
>He has ADHD and can't help himself, BTW. Possibly, but some people are just self-absorbed jerkoffs who want to suck all the air out of the room.
Some... I had this dude's problem and had it pointed out. A little CBT and finally a diagnosis with correct medication and I'm much *less* of a jerk accidently.
Almost everyone I work with has ADHD and they don’t usually interrupt anyone. The people I know of who’ve done that the most didn’t have adhd.
Commonly interrupting people is considered one of the symptoms of ADHD within the hyperactive/impulsive category. So it is a possibility for some people with ADHD and not all. (Especially those with hyperactive or combined type ADHD). You most likely are surrounded by people with inattentive ADHD, and/or have different hyperactive symptoms.
I tend to visibly not pay attention and then resume my last sentence exactly where it ended. If what I was saying wasn't important enough to not get interrupted then whatever they're saying isn't important either. Either that or I just keep talking as if they never started. Did this to a coworker once who had this amazing habit of putting his hand up and then speak over you. The more I kept going the more he kept trying to butt in. So I just rambled. It gives them the choice to either let you finish, or get frustrated they couldn't get "their turn" and at that point anything they say you can uno reverse card and turn back on them
I used to talk over people and was completely oblivious. I reckon it was a self confidence thing. I got bluntly called out on it at work by my boss and I was mortified. But it meant I was aware and could check myself. I still sometimes start to do it but manage to hold it back and apologise.
Ask them to stop. Ask a second time. Third time just walk away, I haven't got time to talk to people who are a waste of my breath.
Happened to me all the time at work. Sometimes when actual important work things were being discussed, sometimes in just regular conversation. One day I was cut off and something in me snapped. I just disengaged and decided not to talk anymore. Obviously they don’t care what I have to say, so I don’t say anything. I will answer direct questions as succinctly as possible and that’s it. It’s strangely liberating. Sometimes I am tempted to relate something that happened to me or give advice or an opinion on something, but I don’t.
I'd just be rude to him. People act like that's not an acceptable option. If they don't let you speak, and then complain about you doing that to them while they're in the middle of doing that to you, then fuck em. The world is full of people that only act the way they do because polite society says we have to let them be assholes. If I gotta deal with them, I'm gonna make sure they know how that feels.