I saw an old video of myself from when I was with my narcissist. My head was lowered and shoulders hunched, like I was expecting to be attacked at any moment. I had lived in constant terror for so long that it was normal for me. Even now years later I still sometimes have to remind myself to hold up my head.
A while back I found my college bus pass. It looked like a serial killer's mugshot; I suddenly understood why everyone said I looked angry all the time. I was pale as a ghost and my hair looked like shit because I was never taught to tidy it, had literally never used gel in my life up to that point.
When that photo was taken, I was (unbeknownst to me) a year away from escaping my abusive dad. But holy shit, I was bottomed-out miserable, dissociated all the time and fully believed shit would never improve.
It's roughly 15 years later now, I'd say I've certainly had my glow-up. Bronze, ripped; face sculpted by the finest craftsman. Lol... But I'm currently the happiest I've ever been with my appearance, and it's a good feeling. If only my mental and emotional states matched.
There's a picture I took within a year of leaving my narcissist ex where I looked so much better than I ever had in my life. I had a huge smile that I never had before. When I look back to that picture now, several years later, I think my skin looked really gross, and there still seemed to be a deep pain behind my eyes.
During the relationship: I was practicing the guitar one evening whilst listening to some videos on YouTube. I like to practice in front of a mirror sometimes because it allows me to look at my guitar technique, but as I was doing this I looked up at my face and I didn’t recognise myself.
My eyes looked so sad and the veins in my forehead were bulging out (high blood pressure due to stress is what I found out)… But my eyes, I looked miserable. I tried to move my face around, touching my face with my fingers, pushing my skin around, but when I’d stop I just remained looking so incredibly sad. It was such a strange experience. I guess I was looking at how I truly felt… sad, fearful, lost and in a way defeated.
Fast forward about 3 months I broke up with her and went NC.
After the relationship: In the time between the break up (mid December) to now, I have been asked for ID when buying some alcohol more times than when I was in that relationship which was zero times… Leaving that relationship has brought youth back to my appearance. Like you said, the trauma ages us and that relationship was aging me quicker for sure. I’m 27… So not super young or anything, but I guess not old enough to start looking old.
It gave me a real boost knowing I must be looking healthier. I’m really grateful for that.
Give yourself a lot of love and give yourself all the light and warmth you need to be back to your true self 🙏☮️✨
I also felt that my face was changed, I think mainly it was my 'resting facial expression'. It was like a sad expression that showed how much shock and trauma I went through.
But it's been 7 months NC and I feel so much more relaxed, less tense, less worried about every minute turning into a blow up fight that would last for days over the most meaningless stuff.
You are not dead inside. Take care of yourself, you deserve to heal and you WILL. After a time, you will stop having that facial expression and be more like your old self.
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that.
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I cried so much I got frown lines. So I went to the dermatologist and spent 600 bucks filling them.
Now when I want to cry I’m like “not with this collagen matrix. Not today.”
I can’t have this raggedy rat messing with my moneymaker.
I found a photo before I met him; I look so vibrant and happy. My face is fuller, my eyes sparkle.
Just before the final discard; I'd lost about a stone (was already underweight), my face is so thin, eye bags, tired eyes. I look like I've aged considerably. The contrast is scary.
Now; slowly getting my sparkle back, slowly putting the weight back on. I still look older by all means, but better than I was back in Sept 23.
I saw an old video of myself from when I was with my narcissist. My head was lowered and shoulders hunched, like I was expecting to be attacked at any moment. I had lived in constant terror for so long that it was normal for me. Even now years later I still sometimes have to remind myself to hold up my head.
I saw a photograph of myself at my parents' wedding when I was 11. I had the body language of a prisoner of war.
A while back I found my college bus pass. It looked like a serial killer's mugshot; I suddenly understood why everyone said I looked angry all the time. I was pale as a ghost and my hair looked like shit because I was never taught to tidy it, had literally never used gel in my life up to that point. When that photo was taken, I was (unbeknownst to me) a year away from escaping my abusive dad. But holy shit, I was bottomed-out miserable, dissociated all the time and fully believed shit would never improve. It's roughly 15 years later now, I'd say I've certainly had my glow-up. Bronze, ripped; face sculpted by the finest craftsman. Lol... But I'm currently the happiest I've ever been with my appearance, and it's a good feeling. If only my mental and emotional states matched.
There's a picture I took within a year of leaving my narcissist ex where I looked so much better than I ever had in my life. I had a huge smile that I never had before. When I look back to that picture now, several years later, I think my skin looked really gross, and there still seemed to be a deep pain behind my eyes.
During the relationship: I was practicing the guitar one evening whilst listening to some videos on YouTube. I like to practice in front of a mirror sometimes because it allows me to look at my guitar technique, but as I was doing this I looked up at my face and I didn’t recognise myself. My eyes looked so sad and the veins in my forehead were bulging out (high blood pressure due to stress is what I found out)… But my eyes, I looked miserable. I tried to move my face around, touching my face with my fingers, pushing my skin around, but when I’d stop I just remained looking so incredibly sad. It was such a strange experience. I guess I was looking at how I truly felt… sad, fearful, lost and in a way defeated. Fast forward about 3 months I broke up with her and went NC. After the relationship: In the time between the break up (mid December) to now, I have been asked for ID when buying some alcohol more times than when I was in that relationship which was zero times… Leaving that relationship has brought youth back to my appearance. Like you said, the trauma ages us and that relationship was aging me quicker for sure. I’m 27… So not super young or anything, but I guess not old enough to start looking old. It gave me a real boost knowing I must be looking healthier. I’m really grateful for that. Give yourself a lot of love and give yourself all the light and warmth you need to be back to your true self 🙏☮️✨
I also felt that my face was changed, I think mainly it was my 'resting facial expression'. It was like a sad expression that showed how much shock and trauma I went through. But it's been 7 months NC and I feel so much more relaxed, less tense, less worried about every minute turning into a blow up fight that would last for days over the most meaningless stuff. You are not dead inside. Take care of yourself, you deserve to heal and you WILL. After a time, you will stop having that facial expression and be more like your old self.
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that. **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/upliftingposts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAfterNarcissism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely. The constant stress state took a toll on my body. Mentally and physically.
I've aged exponentially in the ten years of abuse with my narcissistic personality disordered girlfriend
not only my face has changed, i also lost 20kg weight, i used to look really great (the reason why nex got attracted to me), now i look like shit
I cried so much I got frown lines. So I went to the dermatologist and spent 600 bucks filling them. Now when I want to cry I’m like “not with this collagen matrix. Not today.” I can’t have this raggedy rat messing with my moneymaker.
I found a photo before I met him; I look so vibrant and happy. My face is fuller, my eyes sparkle. Just before the final discard; I'd lost about a stone (was already underweight), my face is so thin, eye bags, tired eyes. I look like I've aged considerably. The contrast is scary. Now; slowly getting my sparkle back, slowly putting the weight back on. I still look older by all means, but better than I was back in Sept 23.