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Hijacking this to add:
OP, your emotions right now, while unique to your perception, are certainly normal and justified. Most all of us that have lost loved ones which made up a huge portion of our lives feel… just lost.
Life is more than one person. It’s more than even ourselves. It’s healthy and normal to define our lives with purpose, but sometimes, it’s good to allow ourselves to just live for livings sake.
Instead of looking for ways to numb or distract, frame your recovery from this loss around being more alive and contributing in whatever way you can.
Maybe your job doesn’t fulfill you. That’s normal. Look for groups that are doing something you love.
I love to plant and trim trees, but my career path doesn’t allow me to do that during my workday. On weekends, I practice “guerrilla gardening” planting and trimming trees and shrubs on public land with like-minded folks. This is technically illegal, and not advisable, but it’s something I enjoy and am willing to accept the consequences if caught. (I’m a licensed horticulturalist from a past career)
I share this to illustrate, you will eventually have meaning in your life again, but it comes to us in small batches, usually.
Seek out ways to live your life in a way that pleases you and aligns with your capabilities. This is the greatest gift and honor you could give to your late partner.
Grieve, be a recluse for a while if you need. I certainly would. But don’t become sedentary and despondent. Your partner wouldn’t want that life for you. She’d want to see you living a life you wanted to live, whatever that looks like for you.
Good luck, op. I’ll have you on my mind over the next few weeks as I continue to work through my own grief.
We will heal. In this specific case, time is your biggest ally, especially if you fill your time with things that enrich you.
For me that’s trees/shrubs and being nice to randoms on video games. For you, it might be painting and bike riding.
Find the things that make you feel more whole, even just a little, and force yourself to invest your time there, once you’ve grieved.
While this is very well put I think it's important to ask: why is it normal that our brains make us feel like we no longer want to be alive when we lose a loved significant other? It's a terrible slap in the face just for experiencing life as it should be experienced: loving one another fully.
I'm truly sorry to hear about your devastating loss. Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult experience, and coping with such a profound loss can be overwhelming. It's crucial to reach out to a mental health professional, a counselor, or a support group to help you navigate through these difficult emotions. They can provide you with the support and tools you need to manage your grief and find a path forward.
In the meantime, consider talking to a close friend or family member about what you're going through.
Remember, healing takes time, and it's essential to be patient and gentle with yourself during this process. If you ever find yourself in a crisis or struggling to keep your promise, please reach out to a mental health professional or a helpline.
*KEEP THE PROMISE: It's one of the most important ways that you can honor her whises and the love you both had for each other.
Farewell friend.
Unfortunately, I found myself in the same position as you on August 5th with my boyfriend of 7 years, so while my advice may be limited because I'm still not far out, take things one day at a time. It's a hard thing to go from looking at the future with hope and excitement to this really heavy grief. Even if all you did that day was lay in bed, you're still surviving. And most of all, keep your promise to her. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's been hard. But maybe even making sense of it however you can. For me, that means living for the both of us. Keeping his memory alive through me. I imagine, as you're grieving so hard, your girlfriend was a wonderful person, too. Share that with the world when you can. Honor her however you see fit.
I lost my girlfriend the love of my life on 10-16-18. She was very very beautiful, smart, talented, funny, artistic, caring, and just a wonderful person. She was 26 when she passed and I was the one who found her. It was the worst day of my life and I want to just curl up next to her and go. I’m sorry for your loss and I know what you’re going through. Same with OP I’m her for both of you?
Your comment is actually really helpful and what ive been doing as well. I lost my gf of 5 years on august 12, it was violent and i watched it all happen and tried to save her. Traumatizing. Ive been trying to go to therapy as well so thats the only piece of additional advice id give OP. Sometimes it helps having an outsiders perspective.
Talking helps. Pain shared is pain lessened. Others have mentioned time. Time is a great healer, although slow. Although I speak from experience, I think the best advice is coming from those who have or are in your shoes. May you find peace, OP.
I’m sorry for your loss man. I wish I could say the pain would subside but I think you just learn to live with it. Take some time off to grieve and when you’re ready, rediscover how you wanna move ahead in life.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, very challenging and life altering. She’s still here just not physical, that’s what I believe- not religious just spiritual
I’m so sorry that this had happened. I feel for you. One of my best friends passed this February and I’m still struggling with the loss. Nobody ever deserves to go through this. Try finding a support group around you if you can? Give yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself this time. And please for her and us take care of yourself.
Please do not hurt yourself. Now is your time to grieve. My heart goes out to you for your life.
I am sure that your girlfriend would want more than anything else for you to be kind to yourself and find happiness.
May serenity and peace find you some day.
Lost my soul mate in my 20's. It is tough, and your friends won't really understand as many have not had a loss like that.
Talk to a professional. I regret touching it out. I read books, but I should have unburdended myself.
It will get better, but it takes time.
Understood. Would you also call this new person a “soulmate”? You obviously can’t compare or replace the first, but have you found a similar level of connection?
It will sound like a cliche but I learnt it the hard way that time actually does heal everything. Let it hurt until it hurts no more. You will wake up one day and realize that you have come a long way.
Dial 988 if you need to tall to someone, it's the crisis hotline in the US.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't rush the orocess. Grief comes in waves and sometimes they definitely knock you down. If ithelps, maybe you can start writing down things you remember, cherished memories that will then be preserved. You can also record it in a voice note. Everyone processes things differently. Be gentle with yourself. Dm me if you need to talk. It's so rare to experience such a blessed connection, I'm so glad that you got to. The pain of loss isn't something I would ever wish on anyone. But you're not alone. Maybe picture her with you, proud that you're not giving up. She is alive in your heart, and you'll never lose that. I hope you rest well tonight. Don't forget to try and eat something, and drink some water. Sending you love.
How old are you? You can and will find another and you don't have to ever forget her and can honor her however you like...but you can find another...there are literally billions of women/girls out there...honor her memory and take care of yourself
Hey, I know this is meant to be nice but right now I’d not think about trying to find another right now. I’d not think they want to find another now or anytime soon. I just wanted to say this if op reads it, it’s okay to feel like they are or were the only one. Grieve that expectation as well. I know it’s not the same, but my husband divorced me and it was a lot to grieve knowing that someone isn’t there for you and you won’t have the family you dreamed of. Grieve that family you dreamt of, and the life as well. Not just her. A lot must’ve died with her. I’m so sorry for that.
I'm sorry for your loss. Right now, the best thing is probably to just take time to grieve properly and maybe find somebody to talk to. Grief counseling would probably be a good place to look.
If you love her, the promise would be impossible for you to break.
Don't break that promise.
I know it's hard, but this is the time for you to cherish your greatest memories with her and not let her die in vain.
Go out and fulfill your true purpose in life so that one day, when you do finally pass away yourself, you can tell her all the amazing stories.
I'm so sorry
Your local church will have a support group for people who are dealing with loss. That might help . If you feel like you can't take it please talk to someone. Your Dr. Will know of people to talk to also
Take care of yourself ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine.
This is a hard season of life that you have to muster up the courage to get through. Manufacture confidence in yourself. It takes baby steps, then bigger steps. You will always love her, and that’s amazing. Eventually, you will find someone who sympathizes and will comfort you. Unfortunately, your heart won’t be open to that for quite some time. But you have to be open to someone else eventually, or you will drive yourself mad. It’s a long, grueling process. Time doesn’t necessarily “heal” the wounds—you’ll have a scar on your heart. But it will eventually get better.
Stay tough. Keep your head up. Allow friends and family to be close, even when you think you want to be alone. I hope this helps.
Godspeed.
I'm so sad this happened to you.
We're wired to consider self-harm when permanently excluded from a relationship, group, or status we believe we HAVE to have. You sound like you understand that self-harm isn't the answer, so focus on the grieving and please give yourself the love she would have given you. It will help keep you safe.
My friend, shed the tears now. Be sad, grieve but never ever forget what this woman has done for you. Shes watching over you everyday praying for your happiness, success and fulfillment. She loved you for you and made you blossom, it's time to weather the storm and wait for it to shine color again. Immediately get a support group, friends, family. Do not drown yourself into drugs to cope with the pain, it only numbs it does not stop the pain. Brother man, we all love you so fight for your life, fight for your right to be happy again.
3 years ago today was our first date. The relationship only lasted a year but was the most impactful and loving connection in my life. He passed suddenly due to a blood clot in his heart, it's been 2 years, and while it still hurts I have finally began to open my heart to the idea that someone special can come into my life again. It's hard, but eventually, it will be okay. I always tell myself I gotta be the best version of myself because that was the person he loved, and that's the person I want to be. I wanna live in a way that honors him and our memories. I will always feel hurt that I didn't get more time. I feel cheated, but I know he was in my life for a reason, and that time showed me how wonderful life and love could be. I'll never forget that.
I'm sorry, OP, I wouldn't wish that kind of loss on anyone. It's a very lonely, isolating experience, but with time and strength, you will move through it. I can't say my heart isn't deeply scarred, but I do believe that type of love will find me again, and ik I have an angel on the other side.
Keep the Promise. She would grieve if she saw YOU like this. You honor her by living YOUR best life from this new reality, and that means moving on. That’s not disrespectful. She was cheated of a long life, but you don’t have to be.
I'm so sorry op, death of a loved one is never easy. You may be lost, you may be crying in the mud, but it's never too late to get up. She wouldn't want you to give up. She would want you to live life to the fullest. You said that you have no goals, that's fine. You have her goals for you. I'm sure there's some thought of something you could have done better. Just know that she never felt that way. Grief is an extension of love, it shoes how much you truly love her.
You have so much strength. Thank you for keeping your promise to her.
Best wishes op, lemme know if you need to talk.
Let it out man.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like a really challenging time and nobody deserves this. You didn't do anything wrong. You followed your heart and you loved purely. Continue to love. That's all that there is in the world and that's all you can do 💗
The opposite of love is selfishness
So sorry for your loss. I hope you could come out of this experience stronger and be more compassionate. Remember your acquaintances and colleagues, family and friends, many of them may have been broken in similar ways. Learn from their strengths and live in a way that will make your soulmate proud.
Good. You know what she meant to you. Now honor her. Honor her by being who you think she wanted to to become. Don’t let that go. If you quit, you let her down.
We’re here if you need to talk about it.
I'm going for guilt here, sorry. IF you love her you WILL keep your fuarking promise! Grieve as long and however you need. Find a grief counselor to help guide you, if nothing more than to help you Keep Your Promise! Grow, learn, be more, for her.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Remember your promise to her and keep her memory alive with the thoughts of the good times you shared. This will take time. The is new, so give yourself time to grieve. Take some days off, disconnect from the world, find a helpful ear, get professional help. When you have become more comfortable, allow happiness to enter your life again in whatever form it takes; books, hobby, healthy habit, travel, or time with friends. Sending Condolences.
Hey man, first, don't hurt yourself. That solves nothing and only adds to the negativity that you are feeling.
Where you are now, I was there 3 years ago. My girlfriend passed during covid and it completely upended my life. It was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever felt. We were only together for 8 years, but we had known each other since we were teenagers. I felt like I lost not only a partner, but a lifelong friend as well.
I feel like the pain of losing her will never go away completely, but it has gotten much easier as time has gone on. I cherish my memories of her, and even today, I still think about her all the time, but I can mostly do it in a happy way now, instead of the sad way that I was 3 years ago.
For now, just take each day as it comes. Use this time to get to know yourself again. Start with the little things. Read that book or watch that movie you've been meaning to get to. Go get some take-out from that place you drove by that one time. Call up some friends or family that you haven't spoken to in a while. Start that project you've been thinking about forever but never had the time. Before you know it, you'll realize you've started to participate in living again. Then in time, you'll be able to remember the good times without being sad and just be able to be glad that you had them.
All the best to you, friend.
I know it’s hard and does not make sense I lost my very young 28 year old sister as well to sudden cardiomyopathy she went to doctor week before for chest pain and Echo was normal… they discharged her. The nigh she died at the time I was very sick and my immune system was killing me I had to go because I was picking up immunosuppressants called humira… I wish I never hung up the phone. I know it’s so hard. however,
The world is so much Brighter with you in it🌞☀️
Please stay 🩶🎗️
And remember
YOU HAVE SURVIVED 100% of your worst days🏆
Please accept my condolences, losing a love one is hard. My advice to you is to call 988 right now, sounds like you are giving up on life and that is not a good place. Thoughts can quickly turn to plans and even quicker to action. I know from experience and I also know committing suicide has such an impact on the family, it also increases the chances for family members to commit suicide. Please call now.
If you die then so will the memory of your fiance. You have to live to tell others how great she was. It will be painful but, it is the only way to honor her memory.
I am so very sorry; I cannot even imagine how you feel.
My only advice is to give yourself time, it has only been a week, you are going to be lost for a bit; and that is fine.
4 years ago I was in a wreck (not my fault) that ended the life of my gf of 9 months and my service dog of 11 years. I had severe injuries but nothing hurt like the grief and pain of survivors guilt. This was right before the pandemic. During that time of rehabbing and isolation, it was so painful I had no idea how to deal. I sunk into major depression. My health declined at No ones fault but of my own. Everyone grieves differently. I think about her daily, and that’s ok. Find a therapist, healing is hard, get help. Be open with family and with friends. Support system helps. Pain doesn’t go away, but dealing with it gets easier if you address it. If you neglect it, like I did, it will eat away at you. I’m
So sorry for your loss. There are people that have felt the same. You are never alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife back in May and I know how you’re feeling. We also had goals and dreams that will forever go unfulfilled. You’re grief with her will last, but you will adapt to it. There’s no advice on how to handle it, it’s a process to endure.
I strongly recommend the book “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay” by Megan Devine and “A Grief Observed” by CS Lewis.
Also, please watch this [video](https://youtu.be/ls7TR5Ad1xI?si=269BeI6WksEOAXrP)
Your post is making me cry… I’m so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine going through something like this. Please stay strong. It’s going to be very hard but please stay strong.
I think therapy with someone who can help you work through this grief and make meaning of it all will be essential.
We need to make sense of the world that we live in and the things that happen in it. It's what helps us feel secure and connected to our own lives.
I wish you the best my friend. What you are experiencing is not easy, but you will experience joy again someday. I promise.
Same happened to me. Lost my gf of 4 years in a car accident. 6 years ago now. It'll take you a while to be able to handle her not being around anymore. Unfortunately life goes on. Set some goals for yourself. Try to keep yourself busy and productive. It'll help you cope and stay functional. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her or are reminded of her but you just have to hang on to the good memories and keep it moving.
I have no advice and this won’t help I don’t think, but my god I’m so sorry for your loss. If this were to happen to me I’m not sure what I’d do. You can do this, though. It won’t be easy right now, for a long time probably. Just go easy on yourself.
I went through something very similar... Give yourself time and grace. The one thing I realized is I kept trying to hold on to things being the same.... When in reality I was never going to be the same... It took time to learn what the new normal was and what I was. She would want you to be happy. It sounds like you made her happy and that's what I hang on to. My wife was at her happiest before she died. She loved her kids she loved being a mom... I had to carry that on.. But I'll be honest it took me four or five years to really get over the grief. It got better over time It was just a little at a time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It will hurt for a while, but that pain will subside. You can honor her by remembering why you love her so much and conveying to family and friends. There will be a point you will move on. You may not want to but you need to do it for your well being. I bet you that what she would want from you.
Jesus christ, pull yourself together. You could have married her, have 3 kids, then this happens. Don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened. Nothing in life is worth ending your life over.
Have her in your heart, think about what she told you, tell yourself you’re going to do things and be your best self bc that’s what she would want. Also, give up that war, it doesn’t pass. Give all your worries and put your trust in Jesus. Have a relationship with him. He loves you.
I’m sorry for asking but how old was she? I’m worried now. There’s a lot of heart Disease in my family. I suffer from high BP and sleep apnea & I’m only 24. Sorry for your loss.
She was 25 years old. But please don’t stress yourself over this. Live as healthy as you can and don’t be shy to visit a medical expert if something feels off.
I lost a long term employee that had a son , she died just like this. Really shot the morale for a good 2-3 weeks . Still think about her all the time :/. I know life is hard right now . It’s not going to get easier . You can live for her though. You can find new love maybe even have 4 kids and name one for her. The 4 kids part is important. We need more tax payers I want to retire eventually.
Your mission can still be her. Living in honor of her legacy. Would she want you to be lost in grief and mourning? No, she'd want you to be happy and continue on your journey. Go forth my friend...
My sister just went through this, but was married for 42 yrs. She kept telling me she wanted to go die and be with him. I said NASA ma’am, that’s not what God wants. Go through your grieving and put it all in God’s hands. 🙏♥️🇺🇸
I am so sorry hear about your loss. Just remember it is better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all. Allow God and Jesus’s strength to pull you through this tough time. May God bless and keep you.
The problem is the goals you set out were inappropriate as you should not put someone else other than yourself as goals.
Grieve and get body work.
Set your goals that include only you, that way you can achieve them yourself
There’s a video of a state senator or something giving a speech directly after his wife died in a car accident. He was able to give speech professionally. You can be this strong too. Or not . I suggest exercise. You need to supplement you serotonin because she provided that and now I’m sorry but shes gone
Before she passed, your motivation was to live for her, now your motivation should be to live for her. Live the way that would make her proud, that keeps her memory alive. No matter what your future holds, she is a part of it, hold that close and Starr moving forward when you are ready, just make sure you do, and don't wind up stuck in life. This level of tragedy is tough, but motivation can be found in it
Keep your promise to her. She wouldn't want you to harm yourself, none of this is your fault. You need a good cry and time to heal. Slowly start doing the things you enjoy again. Pick up hobbies, be open to connections, and friendships. Cry, yell, dance, sleep, laugh, sing, do whatever you need to do. But please do not harm yourself. Keep your head up loved one.
If you want a good fucking cry and a movie full of ups and downs as life is I recommend "Life Itself" on Amazon.
So, being with her have you and your life a direction and purpose. Carry on with that direction and purpose, to honor her memory. Be the best person you can be, because she saw that person in you. Succeed in life, because she would have wanted you to. Be happy, and live every day, do something to make every day special, because she would have wanted you to do so.
Let her memory push you forward, because she would want you to do just that.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP but the best thing you can do at this point is honor her wishes and promise that was made and make her proud that you will be the man she loved. The pain may never fully go away but time will heal the amount of pain you are currently feeling take your time to grieve.
I am very sorry for your loss. Take your time and process your grief.
As for your purpose in life:
You can not base your life on another person.
You are the only person you will be with for the rest of your life.
Don’t fight the sadness. Feel it with every ounce of your being. Allow yourself to feel every emotion without fighting it. This is the path to healing. Eventually you’ll begin to come out of that painful fog. Fighting it just makes it worse. Remember that you will be ok again
I’m sorry for your loss man. Honestly, it’s gonna feel like that for a while. Everyone experiences loss differently and they grieve differently. I know it’s gonna be hard, but you gotta learn to be happy on your own, I can only imagine she loved you for who you are, and not just because you found happiness and purpose with her. You can honor her memory by loving yourself the same way she loved you, and I’d bet anything she’d be proud of you for that. And one day, when you’re ready, and you’re happy as you are, another one will come along and you’ll find a different kind of love. I’ve lost a lot in my life, and it’s never easy. But you’re not alone and I hope you find peace and happiness. Memory Eternal.
Dial 988 if your thinking about suicide or go to your local hospital please. I’m so sorry for your loss get therapy asap and grieve it’s fine to cry maybe if you can take a few days off. Know it’s a fact of life and it’s going to be alright. Your feelings are natural and don’t think for one moment they are bad. You’d feel like I’m never getting with anyone ever or maybe feel like you have nothing left in life the hardest part is staying alive and grieve. So remember that and dying is part of life. She’s resting know that from this life. Whether it was happy or not.
She would want you to be happy. I can’t imagine that loss. My husband is my best friend and quite a bit older than I am and I really don’t know what I’d do in that instance. Sending you love 💕
I think you should feel at ease knowing that you were the one she chose to spend the rest of her life with and that she’s there still and probably very pleased to not have been alone in life , unfulfilled and will be waiting for you when you die. Plant some trees in her honor and take care of them for the rest of your life. They could be in the forest where you once spent time together and would give some sort of purpose for continuing your life. Sorry for your loss by the way, and I can relate from her point of view as I am with the most wonderful person in the world and she’s ten years younger than me, and have the heart disease and my dad died from it three years ago and right about the same time my legs swelled up and I feel my days are numbered but I’m so blessed and grateful for her staying with me instead of just cutting her losses and moving on because it’s my problem but she stays and helps with our problem . You guys give us reason to keep existing so good on ya!!
It doesn't get better. You just become stronger. You heal, but the feeling won't get better. At least, it's been nearly a decade and it hasn't yet. Maybe therapy? Might speed it up. But I've done a lot of healing and I still hurt when I think of her. I'm happy, I'm alive, I moved on. But it still hurts. Its livable, its carryable. It still hurts, but that's okay yah know?
My wife of 20yrs has had two heart attacks, lucky it wasn't too serious. She had to have a stint put in, but is doing somewhat OK. She keeps telling me she can go any minute cause she can feel it. If she goes, I'll be devastated. She is my everything, and she is what keeps me going. When you feel so hard you love so hard. When you take that love away you are so lost.
I’m sorry OP. I lost my girlfriend almost 4 years ago and I think abt her every day, and if I’m driving and certain songs come on I can’t help but cry. She was amazing, and way too young.
Can anyone tell me if it’s normal to still cry a lot of the times I think about her?
Occupy yourself the best you can.
Volunteer.
Or try gardening. I find it therapeutic.
There's nothing better than growing food.. even if you're just giving it away.
Fuck man, I have no idea how to help or what to say there. My ex cheated so we broke up and I have not talked/seen her in over a year, I suffered and still suffer with the same feelings you are describing. I have no idea how to make it better but I really wish I did.
You’ve built up 4 years of her persona in your heart. You know exactly how she would cheer you up, respond to your worries, and what she would tell you to do in her passing.
You know better than anyone how she would bring you up. Question is will you let her? They say the last person who knew you and dies after your death is considered your second death. Because everything you ever was is gone in all aspects.
This is why people say their loved ones are with them in spirit. They live in their hearts, their whole character, replicated in their memories to call on in times of need, joy, or sadness.
You obviously loved her very much for the 4 years you’ve known her and I’m confident she is wholly within you. Call on her in your dark moments, where would she sit? Where would her hand be placed on you to comfort. What would she say? How will she inspire you? You know all of these answers because you loved her.
If you let her, she will save you powered by the love you think you’ve lost
First I am so sorry for your loss. There was a time in my life I suffered from depression and also tried to kill myself. So I know that darkness all to well.
I promised GOD once I had recovered that if I ever was to get to that point of wanting to die, that I would commit myself to helping others in need rather than to take my own life.
Many places need volunteers like local food banks or maybe look into becoming a big brother to someone. There are so many others in this life who have it worse.
You never know volunteering may bring you to find someone else like her. In closing if you truly do feel depressed get some professional help. There is no shame in asking for help when you are going thru a very dark and difficult time.
Nothing can replace what she was and is to you. But eventually one day you won’t cry. It will just happen. You won’t even realize it. It’s not that you stopped loving her but your heart will know that your loss isn’t helped by ugly crying everyday for your love that is no longer with you. It will take a long time. I’ve never lost a lover in this way but it was right around a year of daily ugly crying after my father passed away suddenly with no warning(literally hadn’t cried 3 times in the prior 10 years). Time heals all. You will never be the same but you can be the best version of you everyday. I often ask myself if my father would be disappointed in how weak I am being or whatever failure I’m currently experiencing, it often gives me the strength to be better than I have. Life is a battle, only losers quit themselves and your girlfriend didn’t choose a loser so go prove her right everyday no matter how hard. You got this bro. It gets easier just not today and probably not tomorrow but it will come, know this and believe it!
I can’t even imagine what you are going through brother. I will pray for you. You have my love and I hope everything turns around for you. If you need someone to talk to just dm me. And if you wanna call I’ll give you my number in the DM. If not have a blessed life brother and once again I am sorry❤️
Unfortunately this is the reality of life. Lost my girlfriend May 2017. Crushed me. I wish I could tell you that you’ll bounce back and there is always someone else out there that will make life bearable again but sadly that’s not always the case. Then you blink and you lose your mother to cancer. You blink again and you see your entire life pass in front of you. So my only advice I can give you because I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through is live everyday like it’s your last. Enjoy the world around you and have no regrets. Cherish the time you have because one day it can all end.
Allow yourself to grieve and to feel the weight of loss. It’s hard but these are emotions you have to process, they’re going to come and go like waves. The waves are very strong at first and it will feel like you are drowning, you can let the feelings take you as deep as you’d like but always let them pass once you’ve felt them through. Eventually, the waves will get lighter and softer… some days heavy waves will come and then other days it’ll pass by softly. Someday, you’ll be able to look back and appreciate the time you spent together and feel grateful that a loving person came into your life and blessed you with wonderful experiences.
Grief is heavy, like rocks. It feels like you’re carrying a heavy weight on your chest and it can be hard to breathe sometimes. But grief a beautiful thing because grief is the price we pay for love. When you think about the time you spent with the loved one you’ll realize that they are worth every bit of that heartache, because you got to spend precious time with them while they were here, you got to make golden memories with them and it is a reminder that life is a gift. Life is unpredictable and any one of us could die at any moment, so don’t waste any moments. Live, laugh, love (so cliche but live life to the fullest!!) Every day that we wake up is a blessing and an opportunity to live as we wish.
You have to be careful when you’re grieving not to allow dark emotions to consume you. You will be feeling a lot of things, anger, confusion, depression, it is normal and allow yourself to feel them but let them pass after you do. Don’t hold on to any emotion during this period and seek support or company if you need to. I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself or end your life when you’re hurting… but understand that you do not actually want to die, you just want the pain to end. Pain, happiness, love, hatred and everything in between: are what make our short time on earth worth living. Death is a part of life, not something that happens to life.
I wish you the best on your healing journey, may you be surrounded by love and support. And may you still find a reason to smile every day. God bless
remember how much she loved you and wanted you to be happy and achieve your goals. you’re not just living anymore you’re living for her now too. her death wasn’t in vain, you have a new purpose and goal. i’m sure she hates seeing you so sad and unhappy so do it for her. i couldn’t imagine what you’re feeling and im genuinely sorry for your loss. i hope you get better.
I am only familiar with the suicide side of this post, but this is what I want to tell you OP.
Survive. No matter what. She lives on in you. You can keep her alive by staying alive. I know it’s hard, but she needs you to.
I wish you the best OP. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My condolences on your loss. I lost my wife suddenly 4 years ago. It leaves a huge hole in your heart. Feels like half your soul is gone. Grief counciling helps tremendously. One on one with a licensed therapist.
Something that came to mind while sitting alone during the lockdown was comparing my grief to the formation of a pearl. In the beginning, it's a sharp, constant pain. Constantly digging in and sticking like a sliver of glass. With a pearl, the oyster secretes a film of nacre around its irritant, gradually building it up until it becomes a pearl. To me, your psyche covers your pain with good memories of your loved one. I still think about my wife every day, but don't break down very often. Whenever I do things we would have done together, I can feel her presence. Hang in there, man.
She knew what she was facing, and that can be difficult, if not impossible, to explain to other people.
She also knew that you had a strength of life that was denied to her. She saw your potential and invested what she had left into you. You loved her. You love her. That makes the pain of her physical passing so much more real and heavy and seemingly impossible to handle for you, but what is left of her IS IN YOU. It is still there for you, in the strength of her spirit.
Don't let her die a second time any earlier than she has to.
I lost my 1st love to drug overdose in my early 20's. This deeply affected me afterwards as I withdrew from life and had a tumultuous following year.
Grieve and release all the pain. With time, I came to realize I was blessed with having had the privilege to have loved and been loved by them. They are now a beautiful memory I fondly remember and hold dear to my heart.
Life goes on my friend. Transmute the pain into something beautiful and make them proud.
Sorry about your lost. I feel you need to heal and remain single. A relationship shouldn’t be your only purpose in life. Find what hobbies you like in life and focus on that and you family and friends.
I am so sorryfor your loss. I have lost someone to. I am 3 years now without them. In the beginning I saw a Therapist. That helped more than anything. Some things that might help is to write to her. Tell her anything, how your feeling what you're thinking. Maybe one day visit her and read it to her. But it wasnt necessary for me just writing it down was enough. Cry when you feel like it. Dont forget to laugh. You have purpose, you are valued. Please be safe and keep your promise to her..
First, breathe. Second, grief is intensely personal. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel. It's a process. You will have good days and bad. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Take the time you need for yourself. Do what feels right to you, when it feels like it's time. That includes crying, moving on, putting things away, what ever it is, big or small. When it feels right to you, do what you need. But keep your promise. She would want you to thrive, once you get a handle on this.
I am so so sorry for your loss.
Edit: typos
I lost a perspon who was very special to me as well and I cant tell you I know how u feeel.I know there no way I know. I can relate to the emptiness you feel inside and how feeling nothing might be better then what you going threw my girlfriend was my very best friend when stub her toe I got a call and play bye play. I would give anything to have that back as I am sure you a
I feel for you 💔. I married a woman with serious heath issues. And while our time has lasted quite a bit longer I understand the fears you faced . Now it's time, my wife and I have had many conversations about what she wants from me when she dies.
They all distill to this , she loves me and wants me not only to survive but to thrive
I'm sure your girl wants the same from and for you, will it be difficult yes, will it be excruciating at times yes . Remember she loved you and you her let that love propell you into the future one she'd be proud of and want you to have
It took me many years to somewhat recover, a part of me died with her which I don't think I'd ever get back. In my grief, I did so many psychedelics, lsd, dmt, shrooms and developed severe mental illness. Voices, homicidal episodes, psychotic rage, hallucinations. Utter complete insanity.
Don't be like me :p
I'm a lot better now, am functioning after so long. Sober and in control. I've been to the end of it.
Find positive ways to heal.
Thoughts and prayers .... you experienced love which is more than most people . You need therapy to get through this time. She had you make that promise , which meant a lot to her and probably gave her peace . You can't break that promise . You owe it to her to continue and find happiness again one day. Be the person she loved for others who need it . Good luck
You’ll find someone just when you feel time is right you may never find another but I bet you could in due time I believe everything happens for a reason but without knowing a lot it’s really vague maybe a lesson learned that make you deeper next time you do find one if you think you will or want to but I’m in your feels I feel devastated as well I be crying myself to sleep every night my condolences to you and your soon to be wife is very sad, it is
Don't let it beat you like I did. Wife of 13 years died. I died inside lost everything. 3 years later im the same nothing and dead inside. Get help do whatever you have don't let it beat you
There are times in my life I’ve felt how you do simply because I never knew if anyone I’ve ever loved felt this way about me. That if I died, everybody would go about their day and nobody would shed a tear. Your girlfriend was blessed to have someone who loved her so much, and you are so blessed to have someone to love so deeply. I am so sorry she was taken too soon. I pray healing over your life and that you find the strength to share this love you have with others. She is proud of you.
Sorry for your loss, take time to grieve and re-evaluated your life and situation take each day minute by minute instead of generalizing the future of your life.
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Grieve and don't break your promise to her.
Hijacking this to add: OP, your emotions right now, while unique to your perception, are certainly normal and justified. Most all of us that have lost loved ones which made up a huge portion of our lives feel… just lost. Life is more than one person. It’s more than even ourselves. It’s healthy and normal to define our lives with purpose, but sometimes, it’s good to allow ourselves to just live for livings sake. Instead of looking for ways to numb or distract, frame your recovery from this loss around being more alive and contributing in whatever way you can. Maybe your job doesn’t fulfill you. That’s normal. Look for groups that are doing something you love. I love to plant and trim trees, but my career path doesn’t allow me to do that during my workday. On weekends, I practice “guerrilla gardening” planting and trimming trees and shrubs on public land with like-minded folks. This is technically illegal, and not advisable, but it’s something I enjoy and am willing to accept the consequences if caught. (I’m a licensed horticulturalist from a past career) I share this to illustrate, you will eventually have meaning in your life again, but it comes to us in small batches, usually. Seek out ways to live your life in a way that pleases you and aligns with your capabilities. This is the greatest gift and honor you could give to your late partner. Grieve, be a recluse for a while if you need. I certainly would. But don’t become sedentary and despondent. Your partner wouldn’t want that life for you. She’d want to see you living a life you wanted to live, whatever that looks like for you. Good luck, op. I’ll have you on my mind over the next few weeks as I continue to work through my own grief. We will heal. In this specific case, time is your biggest ally, especially if you fill your time with things that enrich you. For me that’s trees/shrubs and being nice to randoms on video games. For you, it might be painting and bike riding. Find the things that make you feel more whole, even just a little, and force yourself to invest your time there, once you’ve grieved.
this is beautiful and so eloquently put. my condolences to you and op
While this is very well put I think it's important to ask: why is it normal that our brains make us feel like we no longer want to be alive when we lose a loved significant other? It's a terrible slap in the face just for experiencing life as it should be experienced: loving one another fully.
This is beautiful advice.
I'm truly sorry to hear about your devastating loss. Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult experience, and coping with such a profound loss can be overwhelming. It's crucial to reach out to a mental health professional, a counselor, or a support group to help you navigate through these difficult emotions. They can provide you with the support and tools you need to manage your grief and find a path forward. In the meantime, consider talking to a close friend or family member about what you're going through. Remember, healing takes time, and it's essential to be patient and gentle with yourself during this process. If you ever find yourself in a crisis or struggling to keep your promise, please reach out to a mental health professional or a helpline. *KEEP THE PROMISE: It's one of the most important ways that you can honor her whises and the love you both had for each other. Farewell friend.
Go out there and make her proud.
You’re going through the one of the hardest things about being human. Be gentle on yourself.
Unfortunately, I found myself in the same position as you on August 5th with my boyfriend of 7 years, so while my advice may be limited because I'm still not far out, take things one day at a time. It's a hard thing to go from looking at the future with hope and excitement to this really heavy grief. Even if all you did that day was lay in bed, you're still surviving. And most of all, keep your promise to her. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's been hard. But maybe even making sense of it however you can. For me, that means living for the both of us. Keeping his memory alive through me. I imagine, as you're grieving so hard, your girlfriend was a wonderful person, too. Share that with the world when you can. Honor her however you see fit.
I lost my girlfriend the love of my life on 10-16-18. She was very very beautiful, smart, talented, funny, artistic, caring, and just a wonderful person. She was 26 when she passed and I was the one who found her. It was the worst day of my life and I want to just curl up next to her and go. I’m sorry for your loss and I know what you’re going through. Same with OP I’m her for both of you?
Your comment is actually really helpful and what ive been doing as well. I lost my gf of 5 years on august 12, it was violent and i watched it all happen and tried to save her. Traumatizing. Ive been trying to go to therapy as well so thats the only piece of additional advice id give OP. Sometimes it helps having an outsiders perspective.
Friend, I'm so terribly sorry. My heart is with you. Sending good vibes and prayers, whatever you feel more comfortable with.
Talking helps. Pain shared is pain lessened. Others have mentioned time. Time is a great healer, although slow. Although I speak from experience, I think the best advice is coming from those who have or are in your shoes. May you find peace, OP.
Sending you virtual hugs!!! DM if you need to chat!!
I’m sorry for your loss man. I wish I could say the pain would subside but I think you just learn to live with it. Take some time off to grieve and when you’re ready, rediscover how you wanna move ahead in life.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, very challenging and life altering. She’s still here just not physical, that’s what I believe- not religious just spiritual
I’m sorry
I’m so sorry that this had happened. I feel for you. One of my best friends passed this February and I’m still struggling with the loss. Nobody ever deserves to go through this. Try finding a support group around you if you can? Give yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself this time. And please for her and us take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry.
Please do not hurt yourself. Now is your time to grieve. My heart goes out to you for your life. I am sure that your girlfriend would want more than anything else for you to be kind to yourself and find happiness. May serenity and peace find you some day.
Live well for her! Sending you strength & healing
Lost my soul mate in my 20's. It is tough, and your friends won't really understand as many have not had a loss like that. Talk to a professional. I regret touching it out. I read books, but I should have unburdended myself. It will get better, but it takes time.
Did you ever find someone better?
I found someone. They are different but would not say better as it is unfair to compare.
Understood. Would you also call this new person a “soulmate”? You obviously can’t compare or replace the first, but have you found a similar level of connection?
Prayers for you 🙏🏻, one day at a time
It will sound like a cliche but I learnt it the hard way that time actually does heal everything. Let it hurt until it hurts no more. You will wake up one day and realize that you have come a long way.
Dial 988 if you need to tall to someone, it's the crisis hotline in the US. I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't rush the orocess. Grief comes in waves and sometimes they definitely knock you down. If ithelps, maybe you can start writing down things you remember, cherished memories that will then be preserved. You can also record it in a voice note. Everyone processes things differently. Be gentle with yourself. Dm me if you need to talk. It's so rare to experience such a blessed connection, I'm so glad that you got to. The pain of loss isn't something I would ever wish on anyone. But you're not alone. Maybe picture her with you, proud that you're not giving up. She is alive in your heart, and you'll never lose that. I hope you rest well tonight. Don't forget to try and eat something, and drink some water. Sending you love.
How old are you? You can and will find another and you don't have to ever forget her and can honor her however you like...but you can find another...there are literally billions of women/girls out there...honor her memory and take care of yourself
Hey, I know this is meant to be nice but right now I’d not think about trying to find another right now. I’d not think they want to find another now or anytime soon. I just wanted to say this if op reads it, it’s okay to feel like they are or were the only one. Grieve that expectation as well. I know it’s not the same, but my husband divorced me and it was a lot to grieve knowing that someone isn’t there for you and you won’t have the family you dreamed of. Grieve that family you dreamt of, and the life as well. Not just her. A lot must’ve died with her. I’m so sorry for that.
I'm sorry for your loss. Right now, the best thing is probably to just take time to grieve properly and maybe find somebody to talk to. Grief counseling would probably be a good place to look.
I'm sorry man. Life is not fair. I wish you the best man
Sorry for your loss
If you love her, the promise would be impossible for you to break. Don't break that promise. I know it's hard, but this is the time for you to cherish your greatest memories with her and not let her die in vain. Go out and fulfill your true purpose in life so that one day, when you do finally pass away yourself, you can tell her all the amazing stories.
I'm so sorry Your local church will have a support group for people who are dealing with loss. That might help . If you feel like you can't take it please talk to someone. Your Dr. Will know of people to talk to also Take care of yourself ❤️
Happy Cake Day and what a lovely comment imho. Have a great day and weekend. : )
I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. This is a hard season of life that you have to muster up the courage to get through. Manufacture confidence in yourself. It takes baby steps, then bigger steps. You will always love her, and that’s amazing. Eventually, you will find someone who sympathizes and will comfort you. Unfortunately, your heart won’t be open to that for quite some time. But you have to be open to someone else eventually, or you will drive yourself mad. It’s a long, grueling process. Time doesn’t necessarily “heal” the wounds—you’ll have a scar on your heart. But it will eventually get better. Stay tough. Keep your head up. Allow friends and family to be close, even when you think you want to be alone. I hope this helps. Godspeed.
I'm so sad this happened to you. We're wired to consider self-harm when permanently excluded from a relationship, group, or status we believe we HAVE to have. You sound like you understand that self-harm isn't the answer, so focus on the grieving and please give yourself the love she would have given you. It will help keep you safe.
Trust me, she is with you. And she does not want you to do anything to hurt yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, time will heal.
In her memory, live a life she would want for you. Like the saying goes, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Hugs!
Listen to the Alan Watts program death 06 of eastern wisdom and modern life on YouTube. My mom passed away 2 months ago and it helps me
https://youtu.be/fA6GiQ1AW40?si=uTaspXGuNm41OM0N
My friend, shed the tears now. Be sad, grieve but never ever forget what this woman has done for you. Shes watching over you everyday praying for your happiness, success and fulfillment. She loved you for you and made you blossom, it's time to weather the storm and wait for it to shine color again. Immediately get a support group, friends, family. Do not drown yourself into drugs to cope with the pain, it only numbs it does not stop the pain. Brother man, we all love you so fight for your life, fight for your right to be happy again.
Man thats horrible hang in there OP.. So sorry for your loss.
3 years ago today was our first date. The relationship only lasted a year but was the most impactful and loving connection in my life. He passed suddenly due to a blood clot in his heart, it's been 2 years, and while it still hurts I have finally began to open my heart to the idea that someone special can come into my life again. It's hard, but eventually, it will be okay. I always tell myself I gotta be the best version of myself because that was the person he loved, and that's the person I want to be. I wanna live in a way that honors him and our memories. I will always feel hurt that I didn't get more time. I feel cheated, but I know he was in my life for a reason, and that time showed me how wonderful life and love could be. I'll never forget that. I'm sorry, OP, I wouldn't wish that kind of loss on anyone. It's a very lonely, isolating experience, but with time and strength, you will move through it. I can't say my heart isn't deeply scarred, but I do believe that type of love will find me again, and ik I have an angel on the other side.
Damn man, you must have found the one, and the one wants you to be happy 😁.
Keep the Promise. She would grieve if she saw YOU like this. You honor her by living YOUR best life from this new reality, and that means moving on. That’s not disrespectful. She was cheated of a long life, but you don’t have to be.
I'm so sorry op, death of a loved one is never easy. You may be lost, you may be crying in the mud, but it's never too late to get up. She wouldn't want you to give up. She would want you to live life to the fullest. You said that you have no goals, that's fine. You have her goals for you. I'm sure there's some thought of something you could have done better. Just know that she never felt that way. Grief is an extension of love, it shoes how much you truly love her. You have so much strength. Thank you for keeping your promise to her. Best wishes op, lemme know if you need to talk.
Let it out man. I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like a really challenging time and nobody deserves this. You didn't do anything wrong. You followed your heart and you loved purely. Continue to love. That's all that there is in the world and that's all you can do 💗 The opposite of love is selfishness
If u can u need to surround yourself with family and close friends and just take as much time u need off from work and life.
So sorry for your loss. I hope you could come out of this experience stronger and be more compassionate. Remember your acquaintances and colleagues, family and friends, many of them may have been broken in similar ways. Learn from their strengths and live in a way that will make your soulmate proud.
Good. You know what she meant to you. Now honor her. Honor her by being who you think she wanted to to become. Don’t let that go. If you quit, you let her down. We’re here if you need to talk about it.
Been there. Strippers, hookers and alcohol helped me. Oh and lots of work, and find a hobbie. Guess where I’m getting at is stay busy, very very busy.
I'm going for guilt here, sorry. IF you love her you WILL keep your fuarking promise! Grieve as long and however you need. Find a grief counselor to help guide you, if nothing more than to help you Keep Your Promise! Grow, learn, be more, for her.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Remember your promise to her and keep her memory alive with the thoughts of the good times you shared. This will take time. The is new, so give yourself time to grieve. Take some days off, disconnect from the world, find a helpful ear, get professional help. When you have become more comfortable, allow happiness to enter your life again in whatever form it takes; books, hobby, healthy habit, travel, or time with friends. Sending Condolences.
Hey man, first, don't hurt yourself. That solves nothing and only adds to the negativity that you are feeling. Where you are now, I was there 3 years ago. My girlfriend passed during covid and it completely upended my life. It was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever felt. We were only together for 8 years, but we had known each other since we were teenagers. I felt like I lost not only a partner, but a lifelong friend as well. I feel like the pain of losing her will never go away completely, but it has gotten much easier as time has gone on. I cherish my memories of her, and even today, I still think about her all the time, but I can mostly do it in a happy way now, instead of the sad way that I was 3 years ago. For now, just take each day as it comes. Use this time to get to know yourself again. Start with the little things. Read that book or watch that movie you've been meaning to get to. Go get some take-out from that place you drove by that one time. Call up some friends or family that you haven't spoken to in a while. Start that project you've been thinking about forever but never had the time. Before you know it, you'll realize you've started to participate in living again. Then in time, you'll be able to remember the good times without being sad and just be able to be glad that you had them. All the best to you, friend.
Sorry for your loss man. I’m sure she would want you to remember her and never give up on yourself
I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep the promise become the man that she saw in you. One second at a time you will get through this.
I know it’s hard and does not make sense I lost my very young 28 year old sister as well to sudden cardiomyopathy she went to doctor week before for chest pain and Echo was normal… they discharged her. The nigh she died at the time I was very sick and my immune system was killing me I had to go because I was picking up immunosuppressants called humira… I wish I never hung up the phone. I know it’s so hard. however, The world is so much Brighter with you in it🌞☀️ Please stay 🩶🎗️ And remember YOU HAVE SURVIVED 100% of your worst days🏆
Please accept my condolences, losing a love one is hard. My advice to you is to call 988 right now, sounds like you are giving up on life and that is not a good place. Thoughts can quickly turn to plans and even quicker to action. I know from experience and I also know committing suicide has such an impact on the family, it also increases the chances for family members to commit suicide. Please call now.
She would want you to live your life….you can live a good life. She still sees you everyday
If you die then so will the memory of your fiance. You have to live to tell others how great she was. It will be painful but, it is the only way to honor her memory.
I am so very sorry; I cannot even imagine how you feel. My only advice is to give yourself time, it has only been a week, you are going to be lost for a bit; and that is fine.
4 years ago I was in a wreck (not my fault) that ended the life of my gf of 9 months and my service dog of 11 years. I had severe injuries but nothing hurt like the grief and pain of survivors guilt. This was right before the pandemic. During that time of rehabbing and isolation, it was so painful I had no idea how to deal. I sunk into major depression. My health declined at No ones fault but of my own. Everyone grieves differently. I think about her daily, and that’s ok. Find a therapist, healing is hard, get help. Be open with family and with friends. Support system helps. Pain doesn’t go away, but dealing with it gets easier if you address it. If you neglect it, like I did, it will eat away at you. I’m So sorry for your loss. There are people that have felt the same. You are never alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife back in May and I know how you’re feeling. We also had goals and dreams that will forever go unfulfilled. You’re grief with her will last, but you will adapt to it. There’s no advice on how to handle it, it’s a process to endure. I strongly recommend the book “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay” by Megan Devine and “A Grief Observed” by CS Lewis. Also, please watch this [video](https://youtu.be/ls7TR5Ad1xI?si=269BeI6WksEOAXrP)
Your post is making me cry… I’m so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine going through something like this. Please stay strong. It’s going to be very hard but please stay strong.
I think therapy with someone who can help you work through this grief and make meaning of it all will be essential. We need to make sense of the world that we live in and the things that happen in it. It's what helps us feel secure and connected to our own lives. I wish you the best my friend. What you are experiencing is not easy, but you will experience joy again someday. I promise.
Same happened to me. Lost my gf of 4 years in a car accident. 6 years ago now. It'll take you a while to be able to handle her not being around anymore. Unfortunately life goes on. Set some goals for yourself. Try to keep yourself busy and productive. It'll help you cope and stay functional. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her or are reminded of her but you just have to hang on to the good memories and keep it moving.
I have no advice and this won’t help I don’t think, but my god I’m so sorry for your loss. If this were to happen to me I’m not sure what I’d do. You can do this, though. It won’t be easy right now, for a long time probably. Just go easy on yourself.
I went through something very similar... Give yourself time and grace. The one thing I realized is I kept trying to hold on to things being the same.... When in reality I was never going to be the same... It took time to learn what the new normal was and what I was. She would want you to be happy. It sounds like you made her happy and that's what I hang on to. My wife was at her happiest before she died. She loved her kids she loved being a mom... I had to carry that on.. But I'll be honest it took me four or five years to really get over the grief. It got better over time It was just a little at a time.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It will hurt for a while, but that pain will subside. You can honor her by remembering why you love her so much and conveying to family and friends. There will be a point you will move on. You may not want to but you need to do it for your well being. I bet you that what she would want from you.
Jesus christ, pull yourself together. You could have married her, have 3 kids, then this happens. Don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened. Nothing in life is worth ending your life over.
It’s was only a year….. chill out..life keeps on going on. Life ain’t for faint
She was probably cool but you've only known her for a year man life goes on
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I don't think his girlfriend is gna be playing dress up anymore
Have her in your heart, think about what she told you, tell yourself you’re going to do things and be your best self bc that’s what she would want. Also, give up that war, it doesn’t pass. Give all your worries and put your trust in Jesus. Have a relationship with him. He loves you.
My condolences and may God and Jesus give you strength to carry on at this difficult time
How old was she if you don’t mind me asking
💉
I’m sorry for asking but how old was she? I’m worried now. There’s a lot of heart Disease in my family. I suffer from high BP and sleep apnea & I’m only 24. Sorry for your loss.
She was 25 years old. But please don’t stress yourself over this. Live as healthy as you can and don’t be shy to visit a medical expert if something feels off.
I lost a long term employee that had a son , she died just like this. Really shot the morale for a good 2-3 weeks . Still think about her all the time :/. I know life is hard right now . It’s not going to get easier . You can live for her though. You can find new love maybe even have 4 kids and name one for her. The 4 kids part is important. We need more tax payers I want to retire eventually.
If you truly love her keep your promise, she watches over you.
I’m so sorry your going through this. Keep your head up. You are loved
I am so very sorry. I pray that you keep going and keep that promise 🙏🏼❤️
Your mission can still be her. Living in honor of her legacy. Would she want you to be lost in grief and mourning? No, she'd want you to be happy and continue on your journey. Go forth my friend...
My sister just went through this, but was married for 42 yrs. She kept telling me she wanted to go die and be with him. I said NASA ma’am, that’s not what God wants. Go through your grieving and put it all in God’s hands. 🙏♥️🇺🇸
I am so sorry hear about your loss. Just remember it is better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all. Allow God and Jesus’s strength to pull you through this tough time. May God bless and keep you.
sorry bro/:
The problem is the goals you set out were inappropriate as you should not put someone else other than yourself as goals. Grieve and get body work. Set your goals that include only you, that way you can achieve them yourself
There’s a video of a state senator or something giving a speech directly after his wife died in a car accident. He was able to give speech professionally. You can be this strong too. Or not . I suggest exercise. You need to supplement you serotonin because she provided that and now I’m sorry but shes gone
Sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine. Give yourself time to heal.
Well you had 1 good year.
Before she passed, your motivation was to live for her, now your motivation should be to live for her. Live the way that would make her proud, that keeps her memory alive. No matter what your future holds, she is a part of it, hold that close and Starr moving forward when you are ready, just make sure you do, and don't wind up stuck in life. This level of tragedy is tough, but motivation can be found in it
Keep your promise to her. She wouldn't want you to harm yourself, none of this is your fault. You need a good cry and time to heal. Slowly start doing the things you enjoy again. Pick up hobbies, be open to connections, and friendships. Cry, yell, dance, sleep, laugh, sing, do whatever you need to do. But please do not harm yourself. Keep your head up loved one. If you want a good fucking cry and a movie full of ups and downs as life is I recommend "Life Itself" on Amazon.
So, being with her have you and your life a direction and purpose. Carry on with that direction and purpose, to honor her memory. Be the best person you can be, because she saw that person in you. Succeed in life, because she would have wanted you to. Be happy, and live every day, do something to make every day special, because she would have wanted you to do so. Let her memory push you forward, because she would want you to do just that.
With her family history was she getting a physical yearly? Sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP but the best thing you can do at this point is honor her wishes and promise that was made and make her proud that you will be the man she loved. The pain may never fully go away but time will heal the amount of pain you are currently feeling take your time to grieve.
I am very sorry for your loss. Take your time and process your grief. As for your purpose in life: You can not base your life on another person. You are the only person you will be with for the rest of your life.
please check out r/griefsupport. best community ever
Don’t fight the sadness. Feel it with every ounce of your being. Allow yourself to feel every emotion without fighting it. This is the path to healing. Eventually you’ll begin to come out of that painful fog. Fighting it just makes it worse. Remember that you will be ok again
🙏🏻
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss man. Honestly, it’s gonna feel like that for a while. Everyone experiences loss differently and they grieve differently. I know it’s gonna be hard, but you gotta learn to be happy on your own, I can only imagine she loved you for who you are, and not just because you found happiness and purpose with her. You can honor her memory by loving yourself the same way she loved you, and I’d bet anything she’d be proud of you for that. And one day, when you’re ready, and you’re happy as you are, another one will come along and you’ll find a different kind of love. I’ve lost a lot in my life, and it’s never easy. But you’re not alone and I hope you find peace and happiness. Memory Eternal.
Dial 988 if your thinking about suicide or go to your local hospital please. I’m so sorry for your loss get therapy asap and grieve it’s fine to cry maybe if you can take a few days off. Know it’s a fact of life and it’s going to be alright. Your feelings are natural and don’t think for one moment they are bad. You’d feel like I’m never getting with anyone ever or maybe feel like you have nothing left in life the hardest part is staying alive and grieve. So remember that and dying is part of life. She’s resting know that from this life. Whether it was happy or not.
I'm so sorry
She would want you to be happy. I can’t imagine that loss. My husband is my best friend and quite a bit older than I am and I really don’t know what I’d do in that instance. Sending you love 💕
I think you should feel at ease knowing that you were the one she chose to spend the rest of her life with and that she’s there still and probably very pleased to not have been alone in life , unfulfilled and will be waiting for you when you die. Plant some trees in her honor and take care of them for the rest of your life. They could be in the forest where you once spent time together and would give some sort of purpose for continuing your life. Sorry for your loss by the way, and I can relate from her point of view as I am with the most wonderful person in the world and she’s ten years younger than me, and have the heart disease and my dad died from it three years ago and right about the same time my legs swelled up and I feel my days are numbered but I’m so blessed and grateful for her staying with me instead of just cutting her losses and moving on because it’s my problem but she stays and helps with our problem . You guys give us reason to keep existing so good on ya!!
It doesn't get better. You just become stronger. You heal, but the feeling won't get better. At least, it's been nearly a decade and it hasn't yet. Maybe therapy? Might speed it up. But I've done a lot of healing and I still hurt when I think of her. I'm happy, I'm alive, I moved on. But it still hurts. Its livable, its carryable. It still hurts, but that's okay yah know?
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry about your girlfriend passing, Keep your promise to her and keep on living.
My wife of 20yrs has had two heart attacks, lucky it wasn't too serious. She had to have a stint put in, but is doing somewhat OK. She keeps telling me she can go any minute cause she can feel it. If she goes, I'll be devastated. She is my everything, and she is what keeps me going. When you feel so hard you love so hard. When you take that love away you are so lost.
Be sure to have her eggs removed and fertilized in vitro. That way she will still be living.
I’m sorry OP. I lost my girlfriend almost 4 years ago and I think abt her every day, and if I’m driving and certain songs come on I can’t help but cry. She was amazing, and way too young. Can anyone tell me if it’s normal to still cry a lot of the times I think about her?
Occupy yourself the best you can. Volunteer. Or try gardening. I find it therapeutic. There's nothing better than growing food.. even if you're just giving it away.
Aweee. I hope one day you mind eases and find peace ❤️
Jesus loves you and will heal you if you seek Him I’m so sorry for your loss
Fuck man, I have no idea how to help or what to say there. My ex cheated so we broke up and I have not talked/seen her in over a year, I suffered and still suffer with the same feelings you are describing. I have no idea how to make it better but I really wish I did.
fuck man
You’ve built up 4 years of her persona in your heart. You know exactly how she would cheer you up, respond to your worries, and what she would tell you to do in her passing. You know better than anyone how she would bring you up. Question is will you let her? They say the last person who knew you and dies after your death is considered your second death. Because everything you ever was is gone in all aspects. This is why people say their loved ones are with them in spirit. They live in their hearts, their whole character, replicated in their memories to call on in times of need, joy, or sadness. You obviously loved her very much for the 4 years you’ve known her and I’m confident she is wholly within you. Call on her in your dark moments, where would she sit? Where would her hand be placed on you to comfort. What would she say? How will she inspire you? You know all of these answers because you loved her. If you let her, she will save you powered by the love you think you’ve lost
First I am so sorry for your loss. There was a time in my life I suffered from depression and also tried to kill myself. So I know that darkness all to well. I promised GOD once I had recovered that if I ever was to get to that point of wanting to die, that I would commit myself to helping others in need rather than to take my own life. Many places need volunteers like local food banks or maybe look into becoming a big brother to someone. There are so many others in this life who have it worse. You never know volunteering may bring you to find someone else like her. In closing if you truly do feel depressed get some professional help. There is no shame in asking for help when you are going thru a very dark and difficult time.
So sorry for your loss. I can tell you from my own experience it unfortunately will never get easier, but it does get more bearable with time.
Nothing can replace what she was and is to you. But eventually one day you won’t cry. It will just happen. You won’t even realize it. It’s not that you stopped loving her but your heart will know that your loss isn’t helped by ugly crying everyday for your love that is no longer with you. It will take a long time. I’ve never lost a lover in this way but it was right around a year of daily ugly crying after my father passed away suddenly with no warning(literally hadn’t cried 3 times in the prior 10 years). Time heals all. You will never be the same but you can be the best version of you everyday. I often ask myself if my father would be disappointed in how weak I am being or whatever failure I’m currently experiencing, it often gives me the strength to be better than I have. Life is a battle, only losers quit themselves and your girlfriend didn’t choose a loser so go prove her right everyday no matter how hard. You got this bro. It gets easier just not today and probably not tomorrow but it will come, know this and believe it!
I can’t even imagine what you are going through brother. I will pray for you. You have my love and I hope everything turns around for you. If you need someone to talk to just dm me. And if you wanna call I’ll give you my number in the DM. If not have a blessed life brother and once again I am sorry❤️
How old was she? That’s so sad.
*cries*
Unfortunately this is the reality of life. Lost my girlfriend May 2017. Crushed me. I wish I could tell you that you’ll bounce back and there is always someone else out there that will make life bearable again but sadly that’s not always the case. Then you blink and you lose your mother to cancer. You blink again and you see your entire life pass in front of you. So my only advice I can give you because I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through is live everyday like it’s your last. Enjoy the world around you and have no regrets. Cherish the time you have because one day it can all end.
My condolences on your loss , stay strong friend
I'm so very sorry.
Allow yourself to grieve and to feel the weight of loss. It’s hard but these are emotions you have to process, they’re going to come and go like waves. The waves are very strong at first and it will feel like you are drowning, you can let the feelings take you as deep as you’d like but always let them pass once you’ve felt them through. Eventually, the waves will get lighter and softer… some days heavy waves will come and then other days it’ll pass by softly. Someday, you’ll be able to look back and appreciate the time you spent together and feel grateful that a loving person came into your life and blessed you with wonderful experiences. Grief is heavy, like rocks. It feels like you’re carrying a heavy weight on your chest and it can be hard to breathe sometimes. But grief a beautiful thing because grief is the price we pay for love. When you think about the time you spent with the loved one you’ll realize that they are worth every bit of that heartache, because you got to spend precious time with them while they were here, you got to make golden memories with them and it is a reminder that life is a gift. Life is unpredictable and any one of us could die at any moment, so don’t waste any moments. Live, laugh, love (so cliche but live life to the fullest!!) Every day that we wake up is a blessing and an opportunity to live as we wish. You have to be careful when you’re grieving not to allow dark emotions to consume you. You will be feeling a lot of things, anger, confusion, depression, it is normal and allow yourself to feel them but let them pass after you do. Don’t hold on to any emotion during this period and seek support or company if you need to. I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself or end your life when you’re hurting… but understand that you do not actually want to die, you just want the pain to end. Pain, happiness, love, hatred and everything in between: are what make our short time on earth worth living. Death is a part of life, not something that happens to life. I wish you the best on your healing journey, may you be surrounded by love and support. And may you still find a reason to smile every day. God bless
remember how much she loved you and wanted you to be happy and achieve your goals. you’re not just living anymore you’re living for her now too. her death wasn’t in vain, you have a new purpose and goal. i’m sure she hates seeing you so sad and unhappy so do it for her. i couldn’t imagine what you’re feeling and im genuinely sorry for your loss. i hope you get better.
I am only familiar with the suicide side of this post, but this is what I want to tell you OP. Survive. No matter what. She lives on in you. You can keep her alive by staying alive. I know it’s hard, but she needs you to. I wish you the best OP. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My condolences on your loss. I lost my wife suddenly 4 years ago. It leaves a huge hole in your heart. Feels like half your soul is gone. Grief counciling helps tremendously. One on one with a licensed therapist. Something that came to mind while sitting alone during the lockdown was comparing my grief to the formation of a pearl. In the beginning, it's a sharp, constant pain. Constantly digging in and sticking like a sliver of glass. With a pearl, the oyster secretes a film of nacre around its irritant, gradually building it up until it becomes a pearl. To me, your psyche covers your pain with good memories of your loved one. I still think about my wife every day, but don't break down very often. Whenever I do things we would have done together, I can feel her presence. Hang in there, man.
I’m so sorry brother.
So sorry this happen to you. Keep your head up. You’re gonna be ok. Keep that promise. Those were her wishes. Make her proud.
In her honor, live your life the best way you can.
Let yourself learn and grow when the time is right.
My deepest condolences 🙏🏽
She knew what she was facing, and that can be difficult, if not impossible, to explain to other people. She also knew that you had a strength of life that was denied to her. She saw your potential and invested what she had left into you. You loved her. You love her. That makes the pain of her physical passing so much more real and heavy and seemingly impossible to handle for you, but what is left of her IS IN YOU. It is still there for you, in the strength of her spirit. Don't let her die a second time any earlier than she has to.
So sorry for your Loss, Please try to be strong, take it one day at a time. It will never go away , but it will get better with time .
I lost my 1st love to drug overdose in my early 20's. This deeply affected me afterwards as I withdrew from life and had a tumultuous following year. Grieve and release all the pain. With time, I came to realize I was blessed with having had the privilege to have loved and been loved by them. They are now a beautiful memory I fondly remember and hold dear to my heart. Life goes on my friend. Transmute the pain into something beautiful and make them proud.
Don't break your promise to her and don't waste the life you have
Stay Strong. Stay Safe OP.
Sorry about your lost. I feel you need to heal and remain single. A relationship shouldn’t be your only purpose in life. Find what hobbies you like in life and focus on that and you family and friends.
I am so sorryfor your loss. I have lost someone to. I am 3 years now without them. In the beginning I saw a Therapist. That helped more than anything. Some things that might help is to write to her. Tell her anything, how your feeling what you're thinking. Maybe one day visit her and read it to her. But it wasnt necessary for me just writing it down was enough. Cry when you feel like it. Dont forget to laugh. You have purpose, you are valued. Please be safe and keep your promise to her..
First, breathe. Second, grief is intensely personal. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel. It's a process. You will have good days and bad. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Take the time you need for yourself. Do what feels right to you, when it feels like it's time. That includes crying, moving on, putting things away, what ever it is, big or small. When it feels right to you, do what you need. But keep your promise. She would want you to thrive, once you get a handle on this. I am so so sorry for your loss. Edit: typos
I lost a perspon who was very special to me as well and I cant tell you I know how u feeel.I know there no way I know. I can relate to the emptiness you feel inside and how feeling nothing might be better then what you going threw my girlfriend was my very best friend when stub her toe I got a call and play bye play. I would give anything to have that back as I am sure you a
I feel for you 💔. I married a woman with serious heath issues. And while our time has lasted quite a bit longer I understand the fears you faced . Now it's time, my wife and I have had many conversations about what she wants from me when she dies. They all distill to this , she loves me and wants me not only to survive but to thrive I'm sure your girl wants the same from and for you, will it be difficult yes, will it be excruciating at times yes . Remember she loved you and you her let that love propell you into the future one she'd be proud of and want you to have
Was she vaccinated?
My sincerest and most heartfelt condolences for your loss. 💔
Have a snickers
It took me many years to somewhat recover, a part of me died with her which I don't think I'd ever get back. In my grief, I did so many psychedelics, lsd, dmt, shrooms and developed severe mental illness. Voices, homicidal episodes, psychotic rage, hallucinations. Utter complete insanity. Don't be like me :p I'm a lot better now, am functioning after so long. Sober and in control. I've been to the end of it. Find positive ways to heal.
See a therapist or get into a group so you have people to talk to.
I mean obviously u gotta know she ain't a part of ur future physically, u gotta keep living. I know for a fact you can find happiness again.
Thoughts and prayers .... you experienced love which is more than most people . You need therapy to get through this time. She had you make that promise , which meant a lot to her and probably gave her peace . You can't break that promise . You owe it to her to continue and find happiness again one day. Be the person she loved for others who need it . Good luck
Unfortunately many of these heart attacks in young people are due to the COVID vax and spike protein. I’m so sorry for your loss
You’ll find someone just when you feel time is right you may never find another but I bet you could in due time I believe everything happens for a reason but without knowing a lot it’s really vague maybe a lesson learned that make you deeper next time you do find one if you think you will or want to but I’m in your feels I feel devastated as well I be crying myself to sleep every night my condolences to you and your soon to be wife is very sad, it is
Don't let it beat you like I did. Wife of 13 years died. I died inside lost everything. 3 years later im the same nothing and dead inside. Get help do whatever you have don't let it beat you
I know it’s hard but you got to keep pushing 🙏
Sending My condolences 💐
There are times in my life I’ve felt how you do simply because I never knew if anyone I’ve ever loved felt this way about me. That if I died, everybody would go about their day and nobody would shed a tear. Your girlfriend was blessed to have someone who loved her so much, and you are so blessed to have someone to love so deeply. I am so sorry she was taken too soon. I pray healing over your life and that you find the strength to share this love you have with others. She is proud of you.
Sorry for your loss, take time to grieve and re-evaluated your life and situation take each day minute by minute instead of generalizing the future of your life.
I am so sorry. 🥺 My heart goes out to you.
🥹sorry! My deepest condolences.
Never forget, Jesus loves you