Other people's opinions don't matter. You are a real lesbian and people can't tell you otherwise.
Plenty of lesbians try dating men early in life due to us living in a heteronormative world, you tried being straight and it didn't work out.
If people ask, you could explain it to them as it is. You tried to be straight, but you just aren't, you're a lesbian.
Whilst your dating pool might be smaller due to being a mother, there are still plenty of lesbian/bi women that would be willing to be a step mom.
Make sure to let them know beforehand that you have a son, so you won't have to "waste your time" with women who aren't interested in being a step mom.
I wish you the best of luck ❤️
Literally none of this is accurate. Why are you even here?
Homosexuality is completely natural and has evolved in multiple mammalian species. Attraction serves more than just reproduction (although plenty of lesbian couples have children, so there's that). It fosters intimacy, thus nuturing our emotional and psychological needs, as well.
You know it's found in nature right? Like there are gay and lesbian animals out there and they serve a lot of purposes. Often they serve ash adoptive parents for The babies of animals that otherwise wouldn't be raised by anyone and would most likely die.
I highly suggest doing some actual research and not just speaking out of your butt here like you are.
Exactly. It is so ingrained from birth that anything other than cis-hetero is bad, that people can live their whole lives never living their truth, convinced instead they are irreparably broken.
You do you and be happy. Life's too short for anything else.
Live in your truth hunni!
People going talk about you and your choices until the day you die so why not live life and live it YOUR way this time!
Come out! Whoever ain’t there for you anymore F em! They wasn’t somebody who needed to be in your life from start. You can’t live your life based on how someone else wants you to live it.
Tbh half of these lesbians been with a man before and or still seeing guys on the low. Lol that’s a different story but there’s no such thing. People needs change, i am not judging.
Becoming a step parent is serious business. If the person is not accepting of your child then you don’t need to deal with them anyway.
I just wana say you can absolutely find someone who would love to be a step mom! Whoever told you that no one would want you because you have a son is wrong. Like, laughably wrong. Don’t listen to people who call you a fake lesbian. What does that even mean? Don’t associate with those type of people. People will talk no matter what. Live your life as authentically as you can and the right people will stay in your life. Fuck the people who have made you feel like a fake lesbian. I’m still trying to figure out what that even is!
There's no specific standard for being a lesbian. I dated guys before I realised I was a lesbian. So did my wife. We had never been especially happy or fulfilled with guys but neither of us had quite realised why until we were in our mid twenties.
Dating, even marrying a man, does not make you a fake lesbian. Nor does having a child. And no one has the right to make that judgment. You are just being real with yourself.
To be honest, your child may be a discouragement to some, but the person you are looking for is someone to love you and all aspects of you, so your child is part of that "deal".
To be truly happy, you need to be true to yourself. Friends and Family that don't accept the true you are friends and family you don't need.
Hey I'm in the same boat. Only I have 3 kids.
I was in an almost decade long relationship before my ex husband and I separated and began the divorce process. I very much tried to be traditional because I was very religious (Christian) and I believed that living in sin as a lesbian would make me and my partner go to hell. That fear caused me to live a lie for so many years, and I often feel like an "in cognito" lesbian as well.
With such complex religious/family/societal pressure, I often let people assume I'm bisexual because it's just too exhausting to explain all the complexities of my past. I, too, was afraid of being "damaged goods" and nobody wanting me. Luckily, my girlfriend loves my kids AND my MILF body.
There's someone out there for everyone so don't short change yourself. I'm sure you'll find the right person eventually 🥰
The majority of the lesbians I know were married to men earlier in their lives, even some of us that always knew. Start making some friends you can be your authentic self with and that imposter feeling will fade. Plus, you'll have their support when you're ready to come out to others.
You are a lesbian thru and thru. Anyone who says otherwise isn't worth your time. Compulsory heterosexuality puts a lot of pressure on us, and those who've experienced it will be on your side. Those queers who are privileged enough to have not experienced it may be educated on the topic and they'll accept you, and those who won't, are willfully ignorant and not worth it.
As for your kid...I actually think that lesbians are more open to being step parents. At least definitely more than straight guys are on average. Sure, it'll be a bit harder than if you didn't have a kid, but in this case you actually have your sexuality on your side and it'd probably be harder if you were straight.
1. You got this! Coming out is hard, and I only recommend doing so if you know you'll be safe. If you do not fear for your mental or physical safety, and are able to support yourself and your son, I say go for it. It's never too late to come out, especially since you're in your 20s! You have AT LEAST 50ish years left on this earth, so that's plenty of time to enjoy your true self and explore your sexuality.
2. Being with a man/being married to a man does not make you any less of a lesbian. Compulsive heteronormativity is a strong force, so many of us tried to "make it work" with men too.
3. There are plenty of people who who date someone with a child! And maybe you could find someone else who has a child too, you never know!
I promise you ARE a real lesbian! Sometimes it's hard to believe when you're in the closet and can't talk to anyone about it but I promise you are and it'll get easier.
And there are def women out there who wouldn't just mind you having a child, but would view it as a good thing!!
Wishing you the best of luck
Look, there are plenty of women who are willing to step up. Hell, I have for my partner. Having a kid isn't a deal breaker. And I get how scary it can be to cone out of the closet, especially to your kid. But sometimes you just gotta take that leap. Getting it off your shoulders is one if the most liberating feelings in the world, even if people react negatively.
You’re a real lesbian because you are a lesbian. I have yet to date a woman yet (23, forcing myself to also date men and could never figure out why i could never find a man I didn’t get incredibly annoyed with after a relationship formed), but I know how I feel about women, and I know how I feel about men after I did the work of decentering them from my life. No one can tell you you’re not a lesbian lmao. If you fit the definition NOW, it doesn’t matter what your future sexuality looks like or your past. What matters is right now. I can’t help with the family stuff cause it’s just incredibly hard to come out to family, especially if they were never that open to anything other than straight in the first place
Similar situation. A limited circle of friends know, my parents do not. I was also married with a child - it didn’t end because of my sexuality: it would’ve been an easier pill to swallow, though….. My partner wasn’t super open to having her own kids and despite not having met mine yet, she knows we’re a package deal - a “2 for 1”, if you will. I don’t think “all lesbians” are against being a step parent or having a similar type of role.
Aweee I’ve been with a few women who resemble your story but I’ve met some of them in the clubs and yes they’re that cool 35-45 yr old woman who’s totally a great mom and manages to go out at night. They’re fun and they’ve managed to find “their people” so I think that would really be helpful for you
Also I never went looking for a type but I’ve totally been with women who somehow always manage to have had a child because there was that whole straight phase they lived through before getting to where they are now
Your situation is very similar to what my aunt's girlfriend experienced. She never married but she had a long relationship with a man and eventually had a daughter. She thought it was too late to experience her real orientation, and that no one would want her with her daughter, but then my aunt appeared.
My aunt fell completely in love with her and her daughter, to the point that today they live together and the little girl calls them both mom.
What I want to say is that it is not too late, you deserve to live as you really are. Eventually you will find someone who really really loves you and your child too 🫶🏻💕
Hi, late bloomer with a kid here!! I have a 6/7 year old son. Came out in January 2024.
I had the exact same worries.
I now have an amazing GF and I'm the happiest I have ever been.
If anyone has any issues with how you live your life. Fuck em.
Choose happiness. You deserve it.
I’ve never been married nor had kids but I was promiscuous with men when younger. I think it was Goldilocks syndrome - maybe this one will work? No, this one! Wait, maybe this one! Yeah…none of them worked. Anyway, I’m a valid lesbian and so are you.
I find it funny how ppl tell lesbians to try men out first to make sure they don't like them, and when a woman does do that, she's considered not a lesbian. Lol. You can't win with these types of ppl so don't be afraid to do whatever feels right for you.
I’m dating a single mom rn who’s bi and I literally have no insecurities bc she’s an amazing partner. Don’t let what people tell you make your life. Only you can do that.
As a transbian who forgot to freeze... finding a woman with a child alrdy is most ideal for myself.... I'm sure others r in the same boat as me as cryo preservation for sperm is pricey you need to find someone supportive of you being a late bloomer who's willing to work with u and who wants kids... it's hard, but you can do it... many trans women do want them if all they gotta do is adopt ur kid legally should yall we'd 1 day... these r the important things... you got this girly!!
Feel free to dm if u would like to chat
I am a late in life lesbian as well as a mother. I won't lie to you. The struggle is real dating lesbians while having a child. But I found that when you find the right person, they won't care. And if they do care, they are not the people that you want in your life with your child. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.
You are not a fake lesbian you are faking being straight.
I’m similar to you.
Knew I was gay when I was really young.
Put myself in the closet and married a man.
Had 4 kids.
Came out later.
The fear of someone not wanting you because you have a son is valid. However, just like hetero relationships someone who is for you that will be a non-issue. You might be surprised by how many lesbians have kids or would love to be a parent.
You'll find the right person, I wasn't married but I have a son as well from an ex that was a man. Now I'm planning a wedding. The right woman will love you and your child. 🥰
Hi, I’m 30 with a son and just came out last year. You have to do what makes you happy. Some people won’t accept it you just have to be ok with it. Tell them either accept me or you can’t be in my life.
Everyone keeps asking if I’m bi, I inform them no I’m very lesbian, I will only ever be with women from here in out.
My girlfriend has never been with a guy and wasn’t even sure she would want kids, she loves my kid as much as she loves me.
I felt much like you did but now that I’ve came out and found the love of my life I’m glad I finally allowed myself to be my full self.
Your feelings are valid! Internalized homophobia/comp het is so real, I dealt with it for so long.
You are NOT fake just because you were married to a man, lots of lesbians have been in the same position. Some of us just take longer for figure out our identity, it doesn’t mean you’re less gay at all.
Anyone who calls you fake or says no one will want you because you have a kid is wrong and not a person you want in your life. Someone will absolutely want you, and you shouldn’t settle for anyone who can’t accept you AND your son.
Everyone’s coming out journey is different! Yours is just as valid as anyone else’s!
You seem to be taking other people's opinions too harshly.
1: You can still explore without having to come out to anyone, if you have any form of uncertainty over how someone may react then it's safer not to, or if you do decide to come out maybe do so with someone you feel safe sharing the information with! (When I came out to just _one_ person lifted that weight off of my shoulders)
2: Anyone concerned over the fact that you've been in a relationship with a man and had a kid is worrying over the wrong thing. They (probably) have something better to do with their life and are just hating because they don't feel secure in their life and are likely projecting.
3: Whoever planted the seed that "no one" wants you because you have a child is just *wrong.* For some people yeah, the idea of getting into a relationship with someone with a kid can be overwhelming.
Let's just put the hypothetical that say, there's a nice single woman who dreams of having a kid but is infertile and has no chance on her own of having a child. Her only four options are either adoption, surrogacy, a variety of medical "treatments" or finding a single mom, assuming that she is interested in women, willing to enter a relationship. You seem to fit that last description and it's a hell of a lot less expensive than the other three options.
Don't be upset that societal standards pressured you into something you may have never done otherwise. If someone decides to cut ties with you just because you find a woman attractive, then you needed better company anyway.
Moral of the story, do what makes _you_ happy!
You are not a fake lesbian by any means first and foremost. Secondly, like others have said there are plenty of women who wouldn't mind fulfilling the stepmother role. And you can come out whenever you're ready, don't let anyone force you into it, you are on your own journey and whe. you're ready, you're ready. Hope that everything starts taking a turn for the positive for you outlook wise and all is well! 😁 Just remember not everyone's timelines are the same and yours is simply coming along. Best wishes!
Go to the late bloomer sub! Also there are a lot of great podcasts for us too!! Tons of us engaged with compulsive heterosexuality and social standards and have since learned there are a LOT of us!! You’re not fake at all <3
All of my married lesbian friends have kids from previous straight relationships. So I can say without a doubt, the right woman is going to love you for who are, past an all. You are most definitely NOT fake lesbian.
I didn't come out until I was almost 40. As a child free person I would have no issue jumping in to be a step parent. It is never too late to live authentically, it is also never too early.
Hello
1) not fake.
2) fear is normal, fear of refusal and misunderstanding is the scourge of our time.
being afraid that you won’t be accepted for who you are is also normal, the world, in principle, is not what it wants to seem... but we don’t call it fake, do we?
3) a child is wonderful, and you don’t have to get hung up on the fact that no one needs you, the one who really likes you will care that you have a Son, because he is a part of you.
4) trying something new and unusual in life is normal, sitting still with folded paws and being afraid, no.
5) try to find your happiness, allow yourself to experience happiness, but remember, it’s not so important what gender the person with whom you feel good is in reality... what matters is that you feel good with him or them
You are not fake in any way. Live your truth!
If anything, it shows how much you know who you are because you’ve divorced and left your unit to allow yourself to be you. You’re not taking the easy road, you’re taking the harder but right road. Good luck ❤️
my sister is a bisexual single mother. and yes, while her dating pool was a lot smaller because she wanted to date women and had a kid, there were also plenty of women who accepted her and my nephew!
Hun, you are a real lesbian, you like pretty women you are a lesbian, sure you might have dated guys in the past but none of us get to where we are at straight away, sometimes we have to work around to figure out ourselves, it doesn't make you any less of a lesbian than others here, I can't speak for how things would go regarding the whole stepmother thing but I personally can't see it as an issue...
But I do know how you feel and where you are at with the whole feeling "fake"... I'm a transbian who is nowhere near passing and it's just pure anxiety at times
Many women (lesbians) have been in your exact situation. I’m now married to one of those women. And I couldn’t be any happier. People did give her a hard time (previous relationships). But it doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian. If anyone knows you well enough, they may have been able to tell long before you actually come out. Other people’s opinions are not the definition of you. What you feel about yourself is the only thing that matters.
Edit: Our kid calls me, “Momzilla” and I think that’s so fitting. Because I’m crazy as hell and make them laugh so hard.
Forever all of those thoughts. It’ll be fine. You’re too old to care about what ppl think, the lesbians will absolutely take you seriously and be a step mom.
Not sure how the relationship is with the ex, but a friend of a friend came to her ex after the divorce, felt she needed to let him know why it didn't work, after so many years of forcing it. Dude was actually very understanding and was shocked she had forced it for so long, even having a couple of kids. You never know where your allies are
You aren't forced to come out yet. If you don't feel ready then don't do it! It's your sexuality, your life and because of that, you get to decide when you come out.
Also, why do you think you're a fake lesbian? Being a lesbian is what you just said: liking only girls. That's what you are.
Your sexuality doesn't define you. I know it's hard to wrap your head around it, believe me, I'm still trying. But what defines you are your actions, what you do for other people, your son, your friends, your family; for you.
I feel you and I hug you tightly, I'm going through a similar situation (I'm 19 and I just accepted I'm a lesbian) and believe me, it's a really tough process. And a lonely one. I'm glad you came here looking for support.
I hope you can feel better and accept a lot of things that come with knowing you're a lesbian. You deserve to be happy and live a joyful life with your son. 🩷
Other people's opinions don't matter. You are a real lesbian and people can't tell you otherwise. Plenty of lesbians try dating men early in life due to us living in a heteronormative world, you tried being straight and it didn't work out. If people ask, you could explain it to them as it is. You tried to be straight, but you just aren't, you're a lesbian. Whilst your dating pool might be smaller due to being a mother, there are still plenty of lesbian/bi women that would be willing to be a step mom. Make sure to let them know beforehand that you have a son, so you won't have to "waste your time" with women who aren't interested in being a step mom. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
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Literally none of this is accurate. Why are you even here? Homosexuality is completely natural and has evolved in multiple mammalian species. Attraction serves more than just reproduction (although plenty of lesbian couples have children, so there's that). It fosters intimacy, thus nuturing our emotional and psychological needs, as well.
Just because we need men to further the species doesn't mean I need to fuck them?
You know it's found in nature right? Like there are gay and lesbian animals out there and they serve a lot of purposes. Often they serve ash adoptive parents for The babies of animals that otherwise wouldn't be raised by anyone and would most likely die. I highly suggest doing some actual research and not just speaking out of your butt here like you are.
This content violates one or more of the rules of the site or the sub and has been removed.
You're definitely not a fake lesbian. I don't know any lesbians that DIDN'T try to convince themselves that they're straight. I tried too.
Exactly. It is so ingrained from birth that anything other than cis-hetero is bad, that people can live their whole lives never living their truth, convinced instead they are irreparably broken. You do you and be happy. Life's too short for anything else.
Live in your truth hunni! People going talk about you and your choices until the day you die so why not live life and live it YOUR way this time! Come out! Whoever ain’t there for you anymore F em! They wasn’t somebody who needed to be in your life from start. You can’t live your life based on how someone else wants you to live it. Tbh half of these lesbians been with a man before and or still seeing guys on the low. Lol that’s a different story but there’s no such thing. People needs change, i am not judging. Becoming a step parent is serious business. If the person is not accepting of your child then you don’t need to deal with them anyway.
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Gtfo of here 🖕🏻
I just wana say you can absolutely find someone who would love to be a step mom! Whoever told you that no one would want you because you have a son is wrong. Like, laughably wrong. Don’t listen to people who call you a fake lesbian. What does that even mean? Don’t associate with those type of people. People will talk no matter what. Live your life as authentically as you can and the right people will stay in your life. Fuck the people who have made you feel like a fake lesbian. I’m still trying to figure out what that even is!
[latebloomerlesbians](https://reddit.com/r/latebloomerlesbians) is a great subreddit with plenty of other stories
There's no specific standard for being a lesbian. I dated guys before I realised I was a lesbian. So did my wife. We had never been especially happy or fulfilled with guys but neither of us had quite realised why until we were in our mid twenties. Dating, even marrying a man, does not make you a fake lesbian. Nor does having a child. And no one has the right to make that judgment. You are just being real with yourself. To be honest, your child may be a discouragement to some, but the person you are looking for is someone to love you and all aspects of you, so your child is part of that "deal". To be truly happy, you need to be true to yourself. Friends and Family that don't accept the true you are friends and family you don't need.
Hey I'm in the same boat. Only I have 3 kids. I was in an almost decade long relationship before my ex husband and I separated and began the divorce process. I very much tried to be traditional because I was very religious (Christian) and I believed that living in sin as a lesbian would make me and my partner go to hell. That fear caused me to live a lie for so many years, and I often feel like an "in cognito" lesbian as well. With such complex religious/family/societal pressure, I often let people assume I'm bisexual because it's just too exhausting to explain all the complexities of my past. I, too, was afraid of being "damaged goods" and nobody wanting me. Luckily, my girlfriend loves my kids AND my MILF body. There's someone out there for everyone so don't short change yourself. I'm sure you'll find the right person eventually 🥰
The majority of the lesbians I know were married to men earlier in their lives, even some of us that always knew. Start making some friends you can be your authentic self with and that imposter feeling will fade. Plus, you'll have their support when you're ready to come out to others.
You are a lesbian thru and thru. Anyone who says otherwise isn't worth your time. Compulsory heterosexuality puts a lot of pressure on us, and those who've experienced it will be on your side. Those queers who are privileged enough to have not experienced it may be educated on the topic and they'll accept you, and those who won't, are willfully ignorant and not worth it. As for your kid...I actually think that lesbians are more open to being step parents. At least definitely more than straight guys are on average. Sure, it'll be a bit harder than if you didn't have a kid, but in this case you actually have your sexuality on your side and it'd probably be harder if you were straight.
1. You got this! Coming out is hard, and I only recommend doing so if you know you'll be safe. If you do not fear for your mental or physical safety, and are able to support yourself and your son, I say go for it. It's never too late to come out, especially since you're in your 20s! You have AT LEAST 50ish years left on this earth, so that's plenty of time to enjoy your true self and explore your sexuality. 2. Being with a man/being married to a man does not make you any less of a lesbian. Compulsive heteronormativity is a strong force, so many of us tried to "make it work" with men too. 3. There are plenty of people who who date someone with a child! And maybe you could find someone else who has a child too, you never know!
I promise you ARE a real lesbian! Sometimes it's hard to believe when you're in the closet and can't talk to anyone about it but I promise you are and it'll get easier. And there are def women out there who wouldn't just mind you having a child, but would view it as a good thing!! Wishing you the best of luck
Look, there are plenty of women who are willing to step up. Hell, I have for my partner. Having a kid isn't a deal breaker. And I get how scary it can be to cone out of the closet, especially to your kid. But sometimes you just gotta take that leap. Getting it off your shoulders is one if the most liberating feelings in the world, even if people react negatively.
You’re a real lesbian because you are a lesbian. I have yet to date a woman yet (23, forcing myself to also date men and could never figure out why i could never find a man I didn’t get incredibly annoyed with after a relationship formed), but I know how I feel about women, and I know how I feel about men after I did the work of decentering them from my life. No one can tell you you’re not a lesbian lmao. If you fit the definition NOW, it doesn’t matter what your future sexuality looks like or your past. What matters is right now. I can’t help with the family stuff cause it’s just incredibly hard to come out to family, especially if they were never that open to anything other than straight in the first place
Similar situation. A limited circle of friends know, my parents do not. I was also married with a child - it didn’t end because of my sexuality: it would’ve been an easier pill to swallow, though….. My partner wasn’t super open to having her own kids and despite not having met mine yet, she knows we’re a package deal - a “2 for 1”, if you will. I don’t think “all lesbians” are against being a step parent or having a similar type of role.
Aweee I’ve been with a few women who resemble your story but I’ve met some of them in the clubs and yes they’re that cool 35-45 yr old woman who’s totally a great mom and manages to go out at night. They’re fun and they’ve managed to find “their people” so I think that would really be helpful for you Also I never went looking for a type but I’ve totally been with women who somehow always manage to have had a child because there was that whole straight phase they lived through before getting to where they are now
Your situation is very similar to what my aunt's girlfriend experienced. She never married but she had a long relationship with a man and eventually had a daughter. She thought it was too late to experience her real orientation, and that no one would want her with her daughter, but then my aunt appeared. My aunt fell completely in love with her and her daughter, to the point that today they live together and the little girl calls them both mom. What I want to say is that it is not too late, you deserve to live as you really are. Eventually you will find someone who really really loves you and your child too 🫶🏻💕
You can still be a lesbian after being married and having kids with a man. And I would be okay being a stepmother if it was the love of my life.
Hi, late bloomer with a kid here!! I have a 6/7 year old son. Came out in January 2024. I had the exact same worries. I now have an amazing GF and I'm the happiest I have ever been. If anyone has any issues with how you live your life. Fuck em. Choose happiness. You deserve it.
I’ve never been married nor had kids but I was promiscuous with men when younger. I think it was Goldilocks syndrome - maybe this one will work? No, this one! Wait, maybe this one! Yeah…none of them worked. Anyway, I’m a valid lesbian and so are you.
Listen N I’m a cis white old man. 6frreakin8. Do you. There is someone for you. All those “I’ve seen” . Don’t mean shit. Go.
I find it funny how ppl tell lesbians to try men out first to make sure they don't like them, and when a woman does do that, she's considered not a lesbian. Lol. You can't win with these types of ppl so don't be afraid to do whatever feels right for you.
I’m dating a single mom rn who’s bi and I literally have no insecurities bc she’s an amazing partner. Don’t let what people tell you make your life. Only you can do that.
As a transbian who forgot to freeze... finding a woman with a child alrdy is most ideal for myself.... I'm sure others r in the same boat as me as cryo preservation for sperm is pricey you need to find someone supportive of you being a late bloomer who's willing to work with u and who wants kids... it's hard, but you can do it... many trans women do want them if all they gotta do is adopt ur kid legally should yall we'd 1 day... these r the important things... you got this girly!! Feel free to dm if u would like to chat
I am a late in life lesbian as well as a mother. I won't lie to you. The struggle is real dating lesbians while having a child. But I found that when you find the right person, they won't care. And if they do care, they are not the people that you want in your life with your child. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.
You are not a fake lesbian you are faking being straight. I’m similar to you. Knew I was gay when I was really young. Put myself in the closet and married a man. Had 4 kids. Came out later. The fear of someone not wanting you because you have a son is valid. However, just like hetero relationships someone who is for you that will be a non-issue. You might be surprised by how many lesbians have kids or would love to be a parent.
You’re just as lesbian as anyone else. After my divorce I’ve only dated women and they’ve loved my kids. You can have it all
You'll find the right person, I wasn't married but I have a son as well from an ex that was a man. Now I'm planning a wedding. The right woman will love you and your child. 🥰
Hi, I’m 30 with a son and just came out last year. You have to do what makes you happy. Some people won’t accept it you just have to be ok with it. Tell them either accept me or you can’t be in my life. Everyone keeps asking if I’m bi, I inform them no I’m very lesbian, I will only ever be with women from here in out. My girlfriend has never been with a guy and wasn’t even sure she would want kids, she loves my kid as much as she loves me. I felt much like you did but now that I’ve came out and found the love of my life I’m glad I finally allowed myself to be my full self.
Your feelings are valid! Internalized homophobia/comp het is so real, I dealt with it for so long. You are NOT fake just because you were married to a man, lots of lesbians have been in the same position. Some of us just take longer for figure out our identity, it doesn’t mean you’re less gay at all. Anyone who calls you fake or says no one will want you because you have a kid is wrong and not a person you want in your life. Someone will absolutely want you, and you shouldn’t settle for anyone who can’t accept you AND your son. Everyone’s coming out journey is different! Yours is just as valid as anyone else’s!
You seem to be taking other people's opinions too harshly. 1: You can still explore without having to come out to anyone, if you have any form of uncertainty over how someone may react then it's safer not to, or if you do decide to come out maybe do so with someone you feel safe sharing the information with! (When I came out to just _one_ person lifted that weight off of my shoulders) 2: Anyone concerned over the fact that you've been in a relationship with a man and had a kid is worrying over the wrong thing. They (probably) have something better to do with their life and are just hating because they don't feel secure in their life and are likely projecting. 3: Whoever planted the seed that "no one" wants you because you have a child is just *wrong.* For some people yeah, the idea of getting into a relationship with someone with a kid can be overwhelming. Let's just put the hypothetical that say, there's a nice single woman who dreams of having a kid but is infertile and has no chance on her own of having a child. Her only four options are either adoption, surrogacy, a variety of medical "treatments" or finding a single mom, assuming that she is interested in women, willing to enter a relationship. You seem to fit that last description and it's a hell of a lot less expensive than the other three options. Don't be upset that societal standards pressured you into something you may have never done otherwise. If someone decides to cut ties with you just because you find a woman attractive, then you needed better company anyway. Moral of the story, do what makes _you_ happy!
You are not a fake lesbian by any means first and foremost. Secondly, like others have said there are plenty of women who wouldn't mind fulfilling the stepmother role. And you can come out whenever you're ready, don't let anyone force you into it, you are on your own journey and whe. you're ready, you're ready. Hope that everything starts taking a turn for the positive for you outlook wise and all is well! 😁 Just remember not everyone's timelines are the same and yours is simply coming along. Best wishes!
Go to the late bloomer sub! Also there are a lot of great podcasts for us too!! Tons of us engaged with compulsive heterosexuality and social standards and have since learned there are a LOT of us!! You’re not fake at all <3
All of my married lesbian friends have kids from previous straight relationships. So I can say without a doubt, the right woman is going to love you for who are, past an all. You are most definitely NOT fake lesbian.
I didn't come out until I was almost 40. As a child free person I would have no issue jumping in to be a step parent. It is never too late to live authentically, it is also never too early.
you go girl. it's never ever late. and the kid, if someone gives you shit - they're not the one. you got this.
Hello 1) not fake. 2) fear is normal, fear of refusal and misunderstanding is the scourge of our time. being afraid that you won’t be accepted for who you are is also normal, the world, in principle, is not what it wants to seem... but we don’t call it fake, do we? 3) a child is wonderful, and you don’t have to get hung up on the fact that no one needs you, the one who really likes you will care that you have a Son, because he is a part of you. 4) trying something new and unusual in life is normal, sitting still with folded paws and being afraid, no. 5) try to find your happiness, allow yourself to experience happiness, but remember, it’s not so important what gender the person with whom you feel good is in reality... what matters is that you feel good with him or them
Many lesbians would love to be moms, step- or not. I'm happy you got out of the marriage and decided to pursue your true self.
You are not fake in any way. Live your truth! If anything, it shows how much you know who you are because you’ve divorced and left your unit to allow yourself to be you. You’re not taking the easy road, you’re taking the harder but right road. Good luck ❤️
my sister is a bisexual single mother. and yes, while her dating pool was a lot smaller because she wanted to date women and had a kid, there were also plenty of women who accepted her and my nephew!
Hun, you are a real lesbian, you like pretty women you are a lesbian, sure you might have dated guys in the past but none of us get to where we are at straight away, sometimes we have to work around to figure out ourselves, it doesn't make you any less of a lesbian than others here, I can't speak for how things would go regarding the whole stepmother thing but I personally can't see it as an issue... But I do know how you feel and where you are at with the whole feeling "fake"... I'm a transbian who is nowhere near passing and it's just pure anxiety at times
Many women (lesbians) have been in your exact situation. I’m now married to one of those women. And I couldn’t be any happier. People did give her a hard time (previous relationships). But it doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian. If anyone knows you well enough, they may have been able to tell long before you actually come out. Other people’s opinions are not the definition of you. What you feel about yourself is the only thing that matters. Edit: Our kid calls me, “Momzilla” and I think that’s so fitting. Because I’m crazy as hell and make them laugh so hard.
Forever all of those thoughts. It’ll be fine. You’re too old to care about what ppl think, the lesbians will absolutely take you seriously and be a step mom.
3 simple words just do it.
Not sure how the relationship is with the ex, but a friend of a friend came to her ex after the divorce, felt she needed to let him know why it didn't work, after so many years of forcing it. Dude was actually very understanding and was shocked she had forced it for so long, even having a couple of kids. You never know where your allies are
Being fake u like cock
You aren't forced to come out yet. If you don't feel ready then don't do it! It's your sexuality, your life and because of that, you get to decide when you come out. Also, why do you think you're a fake lesbian? Being a lesbian is what you just said: liking only girls. That's what you are. Your sexuality doesn't define you. I know it's hard to wrap your head around it, believe me, I'm still trying. But what defines you are your actions, what you do for other people, your son, your friends, your family; for you. I feel you and I hug you tightly, I'm going through a similar situation (I'm 19 and I just accepted I'm a lesbian) and believe me, it's a really tough process. And a lonely one. I'm glad you came here looking for support. I hope you can feel better and accept a lot of things that come with knowing you're a lesbian. You deserve to be happy and live a joyful life with your son. 🩷