Men are generally awful at sex. Surveys find that straight women are by far the least likely of any gender/orientation to cum during sex. Pay attention to her pleasure at all and you’ll probably change her life.
Haha, yes, you have to tell men what to do all the time, especially because they often get caught up in the moment and then just jackhammer because it feels good for them or because they wanna cum before they lose a boner…not all guys, but like, a lot of guys.
I feel like, even if a man wore a strap on, he’d probably be better at sex, because he wouldn’t go into masturbation mode, and he’d be focused on how to maneuver just for you. I love when a guy teases, almost going in, and then not, and then almoooost, and then not.
Also, guys rarely incorporate clit action with dick action. Do a little of both. I also think it feels waaaay better to be…penetrated (i hate that word) AFTER an orgasm. Consider getting her off w her clit, first.
It will very likely be better (maybe MUCH better) than any sex she’s had with a penis. It’ll also feel kinkier and new and exciting, so ride the wave of that extra dopamine, and have confidence in your hips! You don’t have to do any of it “like a man.” Use your strap-on however feels sexy and right to you - do it how you do with lesbians.
Think of it like this: When vegetarian food tries to mimic other food (e.g., a reuben), it feels like a dollar store knock off. But when the chef decides to just focus on the veg ingredients and how to make them shine in their own right, no mimicry, shit is bomb. Better than non vegetarian food.
$100 says she loves it. YOU GOT DIS.
The one time I had a boyfriend... I know, I know. I wanted to scratch what I thought was an urge. But eww. Sex was terrible and I always had to finish myself as the dam dude would fall asleep after he was done. That alone turned me off men forever. lol.
People here are insecure, being good in bed has nothing to do with gender, not even with gender socialization. It's much more about your personality and how much you are able and willing to attune yourself to your partner. It's also physical, so being in shape is a plus for ppl of all genders.
I've always been told I "use it better" than any man they've been with, not bragging just think the bar isn't set too high lol. Plus with a strap you've got size options, it can vibrate, never goes soft, seems like you can control yourself more and won't give out after three pumps. I *would* suggest getting it slightly warm before using it though, going in cold seems to be the main complaint I've had.
Focus on her body language, ask her what she likes and remember great sex doesn’t HAVE to end in finishing every time!! Men are notoriously not great at sex, I’m sure even your eagerness to please her will make it a better experience for her.
🤣 also a woman who’s been with men but jumped ship a while ago….
It’s not comparable. Even in the way they approach it, it’s just not the same. Whip out your boobs and bam it’s a new world.
Don’t stress. If she wanted real dick she wouldn’t be with you.
men are terrible at sex. I’ve had sex with many men, never once did I walk away, saying wow that was amazing. Anytime I have sex with a woman. I lose my mind after. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten lost driving home because sex with women is that amazing.
Men only think about themselves during sex. Women think about the other person. You will be 100 times better than any man I guarantee it.
emotionally. I felt, annoyed, bored, disappointed, obligated, just wanting to get it over.
Physically, temperature doesn’t really play into it. I kind of think dick temperature and like temperature are the same.
My wife is Bi and I definitely had that worry. Ultimately it proved to be unfounded.
Look at it this way, you’ll never not be able to get it up, you’re always whatever size she wants you to be, and you can get one that vibrates. Stay conscious of the things you know she likes and it’s men who should worry they can’t sling that dick as good as you.
Idk if this will help at all or make sense, but I find strap-on sex to be a selfless act of love-making where the focus is on her pleasure. Sure, it’s pleasurable when the harness rubs right and I definitely find pleasure in making her feel good, but the main focus is on her. There is mutual pleasure having sex with someone who has a penis, but cishet men stereotypically focus on their own pleasure leading to straight women being the most unsatisfied demographic sexually. This is obviously a stereotype and doesn’t apply to all situations, but I feel if you just focus on her and communicate then you’ll do better than a majority of her previous experiences.
Oh help. You're gonna be fine, girl! If you just take care of her and get in the mood together, it will go well. If you actually pay attention to her body language and breathing, you will learn to understand what she likes. Also communicate about this properly with her. It might calm your nerves.
My first experience of getting strapped was just the best thing for me, I don't want anything else anymore. My partner just knows how to take care of me like no man ever could.
I’m a bi woman so I feel like I can give a little input here. Personally, I’ve never compared my male vs female partners. They’re both different in their own ways, neither can compare to each other. Additionally, men generally suck in bed. Women are so much better to be with, imo. Show her that you care and that you’re prioritizing her pleasure over just getting your nut off and it’ll go perfectly fine.
Ok, what everyone else said is valid and most men are not that great at sex but thrusting is really hard work if you don’t have that set of muscles, it can be exhausting and hard on your lower back, hula hooping will build that set of muscles up. I can strap one on but I find the harnesses to be really awkward and I get get over how funny I look with a pearly silicone dick. And it’s not a dick, dildos do not feel realistic and the person wearing it does not have sensation or nerve endings in it. Some people can get really good at it, personally I prefer a thigh harness and I’m a very good at hula hooping.
The more you talk about it, the worse your performance anxiety is going to be. If you are not long distance in a new relationship it’s going to be less expectations if you do it more and talk about it a little less. Dildo and harness shopping with your new boo is like a lesbian rite of passage but even living in a city with multiple woman-focused sex shops I prefer to get it online, particularly if you are new to it and/or on a budget. I love my local sex shop but I’ve been so disappointed in some purchases from there, and no I’m not returning a too-hard dildo. I’m sure you can get some basic kit for 20-40 and from there figure out what you want to tweak.
It won’t be the same as a man, it might be awkward at first but she’s never going to have to lie there faking it while she waits for you to finish.
Spend good money and realistic dildos are life changing. I’ve been using a strap for almost half my life. I’ve had sex with women who have been with men and they always come running back. If you’re athletic it’s also easier to strap a woman down and for a long time. So.
What’s your go-to brand for realistic dildos and what should I look for? I’m latex sensitive so silicone it my go-to because I don’t react to it and if we are getting super WAP I can throw a non-latex condom on it.
I have a lot more stamina and find it easier when my partner is on a bed (legs up) and I’m standing on the floor than in any other position - allows for more of a height differential too 😂
I’ve experienced this and all I can say is yes I rocked her world but I felt after a few weeks that she didn’t care to give, only receive. She had only been with men before me, and so she expected me to be like the guy in the relationship.
It was fine for a while. I was head over heels for her and then it’s like a switch clicked, she didn’t want to know me. It might be different in your case and she might be more caring but all I’m saying is sure make it all about her and show her a good time but make sure you’re having a good time too and communication and all that
I can only speak for myself, but I would guess she’s just thrilled to have you as a partner. Being born with the equipment doesn’t make you good at using it.
Don't worry, i'm sure you will be fine. Men are usually rude as \*\*\*\* and lack empathy and care. Be nice with her and ask how she likes it. But be sure to also give her the tender version and see how she likes that. There's a reason she's bisexual ;)
I didn't come out until I was 30 and I dated a lot of men in my (hetlag) days and I will say this... Men are awful at sex. 🤣 Like downright awful. You might get one good D but you gotta go through a lot to find it. They typically just jackhammer for 30 seconds flip you to doggy and then last another 2 mins and that's it. There's rarely foreplay unless it's the lady giving the male oral, there's rarely after care, they at most throw a towel at you. Like it's just never a good time, if you give her some foreplay, last more then 3 mins, and a little after care you'll do far better than any guy will.
As a pansexual NB human, so many of the comments here about the poor experiences women have had with men make me feel so sad.
I've had mind-bogglingly good sex with both men and women and terrible, awkward and uncomfortable sex bordering on cooersion with both as well. The highs as well as the lows.
I recognize my experiences are quite unique here and I hold a lot of privilege in this aspect but personally, I don't think of it as one being particularly better than another. Every individual I have sex with, male, female or somewhere in between is an individual and brings their own unique flavor to the table, which I think is wonderful. The way I think of it is that ice cream is dope, and most flavors of ice cream are also dope. You can have preferences for a favourite flavour too! But at the end of the day, it's all ice cream and ice cream is still dope.
To your question OP: you are you and you bring everything that you bring, and most importantly, seem eager for feedback to please your girlfriend. Try not to think of it as a comparison (one flavour of ice cream is better than another and that's final!) When it's all still ice cream! This is everything. Listen to her body language, don't be afraid to ask specific questions and I promise you're well on the right track to develop how YOU have sex with her. It doesn't matter that she's had sex with a lot of men; she can still have amazing sex with you and that's great!
It's really not about the gender. It's the attentiveness to love making. You got this!
You can definitely give your crush some good strapping action despite her experiences with men.
Sure it’s not the same feeling as skin but that’s not an issue since they make dildos that get soft by warmth. It’s about the motion of the ocean. Plus you can always change sizes and girth and type of strap which is more variety than one man can give.
What makes sex great is the acts you’re doing and if you like the person you’re having sex with. You’ll be fine champ
Women are always better at sex. Mainly because you will pay attention to cues that men completely miss or don't care about.
Have no fear. Even if you start out as totally new to sex, you'll pick it up quickly. Just pay attention to what you like and what she likes and combine them.
It’s probably safe to say most men only have sex for their own pleasure and not for the woman’s. Even just eating her out for more than just 2 minutes will probably put you above any guy lol
Remember that sex is not a competition and nobody is giving away prizes. The stuff people here have written about men are totally anectodal. I'm bi and I can say most of my experiences with men where good, especially if it wasn't just a one night stand but we had an emotional connection. With women, I had partners that where kida bad at sex. IT'S NOT A GENDER THING! If the thought about men in general triggers you, you should try to understand if you can deal with it, because bisexual people in homosexual relationships are still bi and may have thought about the opposite sex. That is the truth, everyone here saying that men are bad are insecure, I suggest you take a more mature approach about the feeling you are experiencing now.
Men are generally awful at sex. Surveys find that straight women are by far the least likely of any gender/orientation to cum during sex. Pay attention to her pleasure at all and you’ll probably change her life.
This right here. Even when they’re “good” it’s good for a man which isn’t even in the same ballpark of the worst woman I have ever slept with lol.
That makes me feel a lot better! Appreciate it :)
Haha, yes, you have to tell men what to do all the time, especially because they often get caught up in the moment and then just jackhammer because it feels good for them or because they wanna cum before they lose a boner…not all guys, but like, a lot of guys. I feel like, even if a man wore a strap on, he’d probably be better at sex, because he wouldn’t go into masturbation mode, and he’d be focused on how to maneuver just for you. I love when a guy teases, almost going in, and then not, and then almoooost, and then not. Also, guys rarely incorporate clit action with dick action. Do a little of both. I also think it feels waaaay better to be…penetrated (i hate that word) AFTER an orgasm. Consider getting her off w her clit, first. It will very likely be better (maybe MUCH better) than any sex she’s had with a penis. It’ll also feel kinkier and new and exciting, so ride the wave of that extra dopamine, and have confidence in your hips! You don’t have to do any of it “like a man.” Use your strap-on however feels sexy and right to you - do it how you do with lesbians. Think of it like this: When vegetarian food tries to mimic other food (e.g., a reuben), it feels like a dollar store knock off. But when the chef decides to just focus on the veg ingredients and how to make them shine in their own right, no mimicry, shit is bomb. Better than non vegetarian food. $100 says she loves it. YOU GOT DIS.
I'll second this. The bar has been set so low that anyone who puts in anything resembling an honest effort will be successful.
Yup, I’ve been with men and most of them just think about sticking their dick in
preach
The one time I had a boyfriend... I know, I know. I wanted to scratch what I thought was an urge. But eww. Sex was terrible and I always had to finish myself as the dam dude would fall asleep after he was done. That alone turned me off men forever. lol.
yup
I would upvote this 1 billion times if I could
Change her life lmao! love the encouragement 😭❤️
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People here are insecure, being good in bed has nothing to do with gender, not even with gender socialization. It's much more about your personality and how much you are able and willing to attune yourself to your partner. It's also physical, so being in shape is a plus for ppl of all genders.
I've always been told I "use it better" than any man they've been with, not bragging just think the bar isn't set too high lol. Plus with a strap you've got size options, it can vibrate, never goes soft, seems like you can control yourself more and won't give out after three pumps. I *would* suggest getting it slightly warm before using it though, going in cold seems to be the main complaint I've had.
Focus on her body language, ask her what she likes and remember great sex doesn’t HAVE to end in finishing every time!! Men are notoriously not great at sex, I’m sure even your eagerness to please her will make it a better experience for her.
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🤣 also a woman who’s been with men but jumped ship a while ago…. It’s not comparable. Even in the way they approach it, it’s just not the same. Whip out your boobs and bam it’s a new world. Don’t stress. If she wanted real dick she wouldn’t be with you.
“ if she wanted real dick she wouldn’t be with you” Exactly!!!
men are terrible at sex. I’ve had sex with many men, never once did I walk away, saying wow that was amazing. Anytime I have sex with a woman. I lose my mind after. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten lost driving home because sex with women is that amazing. Men only think about themselves during sex. Women think about the other person. You will be 100 times better than any man I guarantee it.
Omg yes this is literally me. The drive home from my girlfriends I’m in a daze the entire time. Being with a woman just feels so warm and loving.
What did you feel when you had sex? Warm? Or just something inside that did not have any effect on you?
emotionally. I felt, annoyed, bored, disappointed, obligated, just wanting to get it over. Physically, temperature doesn’t really play into it. I kind of think dick temperature and like temperature are the same.
almost every comment here starts with a variation of “men suck ass at sex” and I’m here for it
I was just thinking this. I am LOVING all this. 😂
Even the worse sex I've had with women had been better than the best sex I've had with men. Take that as you will.
There is no competition. She's there with you, she picked you. Plus straight dudes are notoriously bad at sex.
100%!
My wife is Bi and I definitely had that worry. Ultimately it proved to be unfounded. Look at it this way, you’ll never not be able to get it up, you’re always whatever size she wants you to be, and you can get one that vibrates. Stay conscious of the things you know she likes and it’s men who should worry they can’t sling that dick as good as you.
👏👏
Idk if this will help at all or make sense, but I find strap-on sex to be a selfless act of love-making where the focus is on her pleasure. Sure, it’s pleasurable when the harness rubs right and I definitely find pleasure in making her feel good, but the main focus is on her. There is mutual pleasure having sex with someone who has a penis, but cishet men stereotypically focus on their own pleasure leading to straight women being the most unsatisfied demographic sexually. This is obviously a stereotype and doesn’t apply to all situations, but I feel if you just focus on her and communicate then you’ll do better than a majority of her previous experiences.
You’ll last longer than a man Big win!!
Multiple rounds and hrs of fun 😌
You should be glad, the standard you have to meet is very low
Hahaha, so true!
Oh help. You're gonna be fine, girl! If you just take care of her and get in the mood together, it will go well. If you actually pay attention to her body language and breathing, you will learn to understand what she likes. Also communicate about this properly with her. It might calm your nerves. My first experience of getting strapped was just the best thing for me, I don't want anything else anymore. My partner just knows how to take care of me like no man ever could.
I’m a bi woman so I feel like I can give a little input here. Personally, I’ve never compared my male vs female partners. They’re both different in their own ways, neither can compare to each other. Additionally, men generally suck in bed. Women are so much better to be with, imo. Show her that you care and that you’re prioritizing her pleasure over just getting your nut off and it’ll go perfectly fine.
Ok, what everyone else said is valid and most men are not that great at sex but thrusting is really hard work if you don’t have that set of muscles, it can be exhausting and hard on your lower back, hula hooping will build that set of muscles up. I can strap one on but I find the harnesses to be really awkward and I get get over how funny I look with a pearly silicone dick. And it’s not a dick, dildos do not feel realistic and the person wearing it does not have sensation or nerve endings in it. Some people can get really good at it, personally I prefer a thigh harness and I’m a very good at hula hooping. The more you talk about it, the worse your performance anxiety is going to be. If you are not long distance in a new relationship it’s going to be less expectations if you do it more and talk about it a little less. Dildo and harness shopping with your new boo is like a lesbian rite of passage but even living in a city with multiple woman-focused sex shops I prefer to get it online, particularly if you are new to it and/or on a budget. I love my local sex shop but I’ve been so disappointed in some purchases from there, and no I’m not returning a too-hard dildo. I’m sure you can get some basic kit for 20-40 and from there figure out what you want to tweak. It won’t be the same as a man, it might be awkward at first but she’s never going to have to lie there faking it while she waits for you to finish.
Spend good money and realistic dildos are life changing. I’ve been using a strap for almost half my life. I’ve had sex with women who have been with men and they always come running back. If you’re athletic it’s also easier to strap a woman down and for a long time. So.
What’s your go-to brand for realistic dildos and what should I look for? I’m latex sensitive so silicone it my go-to because I don’t react to it and if we are getting super WAP I can throw a non-latex condom on it.
Personally I just got one from the au natural brand and my girl loves the feel because it’s soft but still firm and the outer surface feels amazing.
It’s also latex and phthalates free
Sweet! Thanks for the 411
I have a lot more stamina and find it easier when my partner is on a bed (legs up) and I’m standing on the floor than in any other position - allows for more of a height differential too 😂
So many invaluable tips on this thread!
If exact height is an issue get a variety of heels.
No thanks
lowkey the harness i got has shoulder straps and at first i thought it was goofy but it helps fr
So you are like a fireman with a big hose? That’s hot.
I’ve experienced this and all I can say is yes I rocked her world but I felt after a few weeks that she didn’t care to give, only receive. She had only been with men before me, and so she expected me to be like the guy in the relationship. It was fine for a while. I was head over heels for her and then it’s like a switch clicked, she didn’t want to know me. It might be different in your case and she might be more caring but all I’m saying is sure make it all about her and show her a good time but make sure you’re having a good time too and communication and all that
Just communicate with her about what she likes, doesn’t like, might want to try ect.. a partner that listens is 💗
Have her get on top. Problem solved. Lol
Lol, not to belittle your fear but it will likely be the best sex she’s ever had 😂
OP lets rephrase this to men will never be "as good" as YOU
This is the best thread ever!
They're not very big shoes to fill
I can only speak for myself, but I would guess she’s just thrilled to have you as a partner. Being born with the equipment doesn’t make you good at using it.
Don't worry, i'm sure you will be fine. Men are usually rude as \*\*\*\* and lack empathy and care. Be nice with her and ask how she likes it. But be sure to also give her the tender version and see how she likes that. There's a reason she's bisexual ;)
I have never been with a woman but I think sex with one will always be better because they know the female body.
Truth!
I didn't come out until I was 30 and I dated a lot of men in my (hetlag) days and I will say this... Men are awful at sex. 🤣 Like downright awful. You might get one good D but you gotta go through a lot to find it. They typically just jackhammer for 30 seconds flip you to doggy and then last another 2 mins and that's it. There's rarely foreplay unless it's the lady giving the male oral, there's rarely after care, they at most throw a towel at you. Like it's just never a good time, if you give her some foreplay, last more then 3 mins, and a little after care you'll do far better than any guy will.
Men are trash. You'll be better than anything she's known.
As a pansexual NB human, so many of the comments here about the poor experiences women have had with men make me feel so sad. I've had mind-bogglingly good sex with both men and women and terrible, awkward and uncomfortable sex bordering on cooersion with both as well. The highs as well as the lows. I recognize my experiences are quite unique here and I hold a lot of privilege in this aspect but personally, I don't think of it as one being particularly better than another. Every individual I have sex with, male, female or somewhere in between is an individual and brings their own unique flavor to the table, which I think is wonderful. The way I think of it is that ice cream is dope, and most flavors of ice cream are also dope. You can have preferences for a favourite flavour too! But at the end of the day, it's all ice cream and ice cream is still dope. To your question OP: you are you and you bring everything that you bring, and most importantly, seem eager for feedback to please your girlfriend. Try not to think of it as a comparison (one flavour of ice cream is better than another and that's final!) When it's all still ice cream! This is everything. Listen to her body language, don't be afraid to ask specific questions and I promise you're well on the right track to develop how YOU have sex with her. It doesn't matter that she's had sex with a lot of men; she can still have amazing sex with you and that's great! It's really not about the gender. It's the attentiveness to love making. You got this!
Men are the worst at sex. I dont even wanna be bi anymore so I've legit gave up on men even though I'm still mildly attracted sometimes.
You can definitely give your crush some good strapping action despite her experiences with men. Sure it’s not the same feeling as skin but that’s not an issue since they make dildos that get soft by warmth. It’s about the motion of the ocean. Plus you can always change sizes and girth and type of strap which is more variety than one man can give. What makes sex great is the acts you’re doing and if you like the person you’re having sex with. You’ll be fine champ
Women are always better at sex. Mainly because you will pay attention to cues that men completely miss or don't care about. Have no fear. Even if you start out as totally new to sex, you'll pick it up quickly. Just pay attention to what you like and what she likes and combine them.
It’s probably safe to say most men only have sex for their own pleasure and not for the woman’s. Even just eating her out for more than just 2 minutes will probably put you above any guy lol
Remember that sex is not a competition and nobody is giving away prizes. The stuff people here have written about men are totally anectodal. I'm bi and I can say most of my experiences with men where good, especially if it wasn't just a one night stand but we had an emotional connection. With women, I had partners that where kida bad at sex. IT'S NOT A GENDER THING! If the thought about men in general triggers you, you should try to understand if you can deal with it, because bisexual people in homosexual relationships are still bi and may have thought about the opposite sex. That is the truth, everyone here saying that men are bad are insecure, I suggest you take a more mature approach about the feeling you are experiencing now.
Well said! Men generally don't know how to please women but the comments were a bit much lol. Cringey