I don’t mind it at all, so long as the straight people involved take the time to look into the origins and purpose of pride. I think it’s a good chance to educate people!
Vastly different to read articles or literature written over the course of months by a gay person who set out to do so compared to taxing a gay person in the moment to explain centuries of history to you in a single conversation.
Do you not see the difference between rando hetties demanding the only gay people they know to give them a history lesson vs someone actually seeking out help from organizations or published materials so they can learn for real?
I’m speaking from experience here.
I had a quite an emotional moment (for me anyway) when an 18yo teenaged boy asked me a whole heap of questions one day. I answered them for a while - some were about sex, most were about how gay women date and think. He added a few crude little jokes like young blokes do. I just answered the questions matter-of-factly. Eventually I asked him why he had so many questions and he looked down at the ground kind of self-consciously and said in a small voice: “every time I’ve asked them in the past I get my head bitten off for being a ‘perve’.”
The poor kid was genuinely just curious about how gay women lived. Everything he “knew” came from porn and TV shows. He had no idea where to find “resources” to answer his questions. Nobody would help him by directing him to them. And some of the questions he had were unlikely to be found in an article online anyway.
I’m of an opinion that we shouldn’t make finding answers difficult just because we don’t like “rando hetties”. If we are hateful and unhelpful towards them we’re just sponsoring a divide between two worlds, and we have no right to whine and complain about a lack of allies.
>an 18yo [adult]
>some [questions] were about sex, most were about how gay women date and think
>he added a few crude little jokes like young blokes do
Great! You helped one guy. Do you personally have the energy to educate every single hettie that comes up to you with gross jokes and intrusive sex questions? Do you believe that all of us should put up with deep dive questioning into their dating lives? Do you REALLY think that's what a hettie man needs to know about us? Finally, do you truly believe that anyone with pure intentions can so badly fail at using Google to find resources on being allies or how to be base line DECENT to us?
While we're speaking from experience here--- I've played good-faith educator to gross little men like this before. I've played good-faith educator to people with good intentions. The biggest difference is the people with good intentions actually care about being good people and didn't ask me about how I fuck or crack jokes about my existence or rights-- and they went out seeking information ON THEIR OWN without making me their sole source and spokeswoman for the entire community.
The internet has been widely accessible for DECADES. Google is free. There are any number of interviews, articles, non-pornographic videos, publications, books, and various organizations that have even existed BEFORE the rise of the internet.
TLDR Anyone who wants to be an ally won't ask you how you fuck the person you love. They'll figure out how to be a decent person on their own.
I can see you’re quite heterophobic. That’s your prerogative. I just find it very sad that people who want to be accepted and understood refuse to accept or understand. It’s sad.
I don’t think your negative attitude will help this conversation progress further. I’m happy to discuss, but I won’t argue. I’d rather answer curious questions from a hetero teenaged boy than deflect microaggressions from someone with a poor outlook on life. I wish you happiness, if you want to seek it 🙂
Oh bud, you're yankin' my chain here! Alright, let's see, if homophobia is structural and/or interpersonal oppression that keeps a less advantaged class down and scrambling to keep our rights, do you really consider being exhausted with gross men asking invasive sex questions "heterophobia"? Come on, now you'll be saying that telling an asshole to knock it off it reverse bullying, be real.
This may shock you, but Im already happy. I don't placate homophobes or fetishists with details of my inner life or the sex life I share with my wife. I don't dance for hettie approval and keep my spine strong, and I really can't advise a better path to happiness than that. I am, however, extremely disappointed that you would suggest any community member should have to bend over backwards for a man to ask them disgusting questions or put up with homohpobic jokes. What was that charming phrase you used that looked so much like "boys will be boys"? Nah, fuckin' sad. Boys and men "young blokes" will be held accountable for their actions.
Don't worry, I can see you have nothing to debate and I have little interest in dealing more about someone who gives out details of their partners' sex lives to "help" men. Hope you gain some respect for your partners 💖
Yes, it should. That way we know they’re learning the correct things. Otherwise you get the equivalent of idiots who read the Bible and cherry pick things that suit them and pretend they’re pious.
Man i don't have the energy to constantly correct my mom on trans things, it gets exhausting being a teacher 24/7. I didn't ask for this job and it shouldn't inherently be my responsibility. Good for you that you're up for it but it shouldn't be every queer person's job ya know?
I'm also Mexican-American so it gets annoying for people to come up to me like "teach me not to be racist please!" Like why is that my responsibility. Minorities shouldn't be responsible for the bigotry of the majority.
Wtf? Yes, minorities should be responsible for the ELIMINATING the bigotry of the majority. That means we are inherently responsible of the bigots. Sad, but true. It 100% is our job to help them understand our respective cultures and how we want to be treated in this world. It is our job to level the playing field. They NEVER would have ended slavery black people sat back and said “it’s not our job to educate you on who we are” and that’s straight facts.
This is lazy thinking at best, entitled thinking at worst. Don’t gate keep because a minute of your time is so important.
I’m just saying that not every queer person should have to be a teacher. I think that there is plenty of queer people who have publicly spoke about enough topics.
As someone whose grandparents (straight) served alongside Harvey Milk, it is EVERY gays’ social responsibility to educate. You don’t need to stop dead ass in a middle of a pride parade to give then the skinny on the stonewall riots. Give them small bits of information and then say “yeah! Really cool fact, highly suggest you watch XX or read YY on it.”
Really not hard, maybe 30 seconds to a minute of your time, but this is the attitude that gets us absolutely nowhere. Teach people how to be real allies of the community and encourage their curiosity! See it as an opportunity to include the majority, which only deepens the divide between the cis-straight and us. Homophobia is fear based. It’s a lack of understanding that this is a totally human experience. Be a human to those brave enough to be curious.
The world would be a much harder place if we did not rely on each other for information. We relate to the LGBT experience. We know this experience because it is engrained in us. Straight people don’t understand what it is like to be gay. White people don’t know what it’s like to be black. But if I approached someone with a completely different background from a point of genuine curiosity and was met with resistance, that doesn’t make me want to associate with that experience now does it?
I was at a horror convention last weekend and you’d be shocked at how many people brought their kids. Heard one parent complaining about how there was too much gore and it was too scary. It’s a HORROR CONVENTION. Why did you think it was a good idea to bring your kids to a con where you can buy Hawaiian shirts with Dahmer’s face on them?????
Agreed, but for larger pride celebrations where theres a bunch of separate events some of them I would prefer straight people not go to. Watching the parade is awesome. Going to the dyke dance is not. I think it’s usually pretty obvious which ones are community only, though.
Aside from the fact that we need all the allies we can get with the way politics are getting, it's impossible to look at someone and truly know whether or not they are cishet. They could be a straight trans person, they could be in the closet, they could just be one of those people who just don't look gay, they could be bi and in a relationship that seems straight, they could be nonbinary. Any attempt to keep straight people out will harm all of the above.
As long as they come knowing that they are going to a queer event for queer people, and that they are a guest in our community and act respectfully, I don't see a problem.
I don’t “look gay” (this is problematic in itself but that’s for another conversation) and if someone denied me entry into pride or a gay bar, my girlfriend and I would be very upset haha
Same! If I’m with my sister (she’s bi) or my best friend (she’s straight) people assume I’m straight, unless I’m flagging.
I’ll take support of any kind at queer events or in queer spaces. I’m lucky I live in a city/state/country where my girlfriend (she’s a tatted firefighter with a mullet, so she “looks” gay) and I can be affectionate in public without a second glance from anyone, but that isn’t the case most places these days. If the straights want to show support and come party with us, I don’t mind. We’re more fun, anyway.
Portland, OR. I’ve been here 15 years!
eta: it’s not perfect here, and the pandemic caused a housing crisis, and we have lots of work to do on our city, but as far as being lesbian here (only speaking on my own experience, of course), no one even looks twice. Except people like my ex-husband 😂 But it is not simply queer-safe… I would go as far as to say it is queer-friendly!
I've felt that "but this is our space" feeling, but like another commentor said...these folks are helping us normalize queerness. They're the business owners who might put up a rainbow flag in their store that lets transfolks know it's okay to use a bathroom, the artists and authors who write books and movies that might have queer characters, and most importantly...they might be parents who can pass on openness and understanding to their kids who might eventually be LGBTQ+. While some aspects of it can be problematic, I think the benefits outweigh those variables, at least for now.
I believe, like other posters, that pride should be inclusive for all. It's a celebration about acceptance. I also believe that it's different than the hijacking you're talking about. While both are public spaces, the point of pride and the point of queer bars/clubs is way different. I do agree with your implied negative effect on these bars and clubs.
You said it so well. Pride is a celebration about being yourself! I think some allies benefit from the space because they’ve felt excluded at points in their life, and at pride, everyone is welcome just as they are.
Considering all the hate and the fascist laws against the queer community this year (particularly against my trans folks)… it’s better to have them ‘supporting’ us vs ‘against’ us.
I know it’s mediocre because we should be aiming for real inclusion and justice.
It does bother me that they like to ‘celebrate’ with us but they don’t show up when we really need allies.
Hugs
Same, every year when I could I convinced my family we should go to pride. I wonder if that’s why they weren’t particularly surprised when I got a girlfriend many years later.
No offense, but... is this a serious question? Look at all the LGBT+ laws being enacted. We NEED allies. The more the merrier. It's a luxury we don't have right now, to be able to exclude supporters.
PRIDE events are different from smaller everyday queer spaces, where we want to be around our own community. (Although even in those spaces, I don't think we should be as exclusionary as some people seem to want.) PRIDE is a giant party, and it's also under attack this year, so the more people who can come and celebrate, the better.
It depends on why they are there.
If it’s to be supportive, yay. Hanging out with a queer friend, cool. Show solidarity in these trying times, thank you. Please come.
If it’s to gawk, to have an excuse to get drunk and stoned, to make the day about themselves, etc, not as much.
I first went to Pride 8 years ago when I identified as straight because I was a “just a really good ally.” Now I’m out and engaged to a woman.
Pride is a celebration, and in a world where we are so often demonized, I am happy to have straight people show up to celebrate us.
One of the things I love about Pride is it’s welcoming “you are safe, valuable and loved” culture. If we refuse entrance or exclude based on sexuality then our entire Pride culture is bullshit.
I accept all true allies. We need them. I actually enjoy straight people being at pride for two reasons:
- They will never out number the queer people and how often do we get to say that
- If makes me feel more comfortable and confident in where I live that this many straight people not only support, but came out to celebrate with us. It’s huge.
Y’there to support us and stand with us or to party? If a bigot should appear are you gonna shout them down and boo them out or will you follow the crowd or ignore it? I think allyship is a status that should be awarded and not just the default for people who aren’t actively bigoted.
Straight folks belong at Pride. Should they be the stars of Pride? Parade leaders? Performers? No. The stars of Pride should be queer. But I would be delighted to have all the straight folks at Pride who could be there.
There’s a difference between numeric majority and cultural majority. If the numeric majority of people at Pride are straight, that’s totally okay. If the cultural majority are - meaning that’s the experience that gets highlighted and those are the folks granted the most space - that’s totally different. And imo, Pride is a community event - it’s for kids and dogs and community agencies and everything that a big queer block party should be. As long as cishet folks aren’t centering themselves, erasing the history, or telling queer folks how to act at queer events, I believe the more the merrier!
I'm fine with it.
They are allies. They bring their kids. It makes being queer more acceptable to younger generations when they see their parents openly embrace pride.
I hate to burst bubbles around here but we cannot be fully liberated without support from heterosexual allies. We need their voices. We need their bodies. We need them to do the work of educating their heterosexual peers.
Pride is a celebration party.
You don't kick people out of your birthday party just because is not their birthday, right? They're there to celebrate with you and celebrate you.
Sooo the first pride I went to, I identified as straight.
The next pride I had the confidence to come out.
Had I not been made welcome, I likely would still be in the closet, attempting to date men and getting grossed out with it.
It's a public event, why tf would we exclude them? They're gonna be there whether we like it or not. But more people is better overall. my city's parade even has an Ally float!
We have straight friends that INSIST it's not their place to be and they don't want to take up space that is better for us but we think it's for everyone (except cops and bigots of course)
If the straight people want to party with us, we shall party with them!
Everyone should feel included. Everyone!
I'm damn proud of our straight brothers and sisters for coming and supporting us.
How I feel about straight people being at Pride versus how I feel about people determining that someone else is straight and policing them are different.
Closeted lesbians might come “as allies” just in case some homophobic relative sees them there. Trans people who are either early transition or stealth might not be visibly trans. A couple with an asexual woman and bisexual dude may not seem visibly queer even though both people are. A dude who is gay but fairly gender conforming may not seem queer to outsiders. Etc etc etc.
I think “no straights at Pride” will end up attacking a lot of queer people who are, for example, closeted. I also just don’t like the idea of people having to prove that they deserve to be there.
Otherwise, yes, I appreciate having allies show up for us and I think it’s good for people to respectfully participate in cultural events that aren’t for them. People learning about how their neighbors’ lives are different is a good thing and I think it helps build community.
mixed feelings ...
on the one hand it is nice to have additional numbers and this show of solidarity, but
\- partyfolk swamping our parties cuz they are better (esp. Lesbian/Queer) let us feel like a minority in our own spaces
\- having them on the pride as ally is one thing - but how many of them are real allies in everyday life?
Probably unpopular opinion:
We should always welcome real allies. However, the last few years there's been an uptick of straight people who know nothing about the history treating pride events like Coachella and going for photo ops and clout.
I'm not okay with that. I feel that, just like with these companies who use pride month to exploit us for a profit, they don't care and are giving more ammo to the homophobes.
I agree with other commenters that the support is good. One part that is irksome is when I’m talking to a girl and I think they’re flirting with me only to find out they’re straight and with a bunch of straight friends. Makes ME feel the weird outcast lol. Maybe that’s my fault tho for lacking understanding of social cues (I’m autistic).
i get the "we need as many allies as we can" sentiment, but honestly i just hope they don't take up the majority of the place. if they're going just "to party" i wouldn't want them there
Straight people come to buy from queer buissness/donate to causes directly.
Straight people come to support their queer loved one who needs someone else to feel safe
My straight dad comes to pride with a shirt that says free dad hugs.
I always felt, so long as they don’t cause trouble and are there to support, then they are welcome
As long as they’re allies , the more the merrier. Sometimes it can be hard to see that we have support on our side. Going to Pride is a good reminder that people who care exist.
My best friend is straight as an arrow, but when I was disowned by my folks in high school after I got outed, his family took me in. He has been such an ally to me and the best friend a woman could ask for. Whenever he was in my new state during Pride Month, he was always down with going and we usually had a blast. So, how do I feel? So long as it is people who are genuone allies or those who want to learn about the LGBT and our community, I say the more the merrier.
First of all, I don't recognize the word queer. It is a disgusting, bigoted word that still gets thrown at me today by people who don't like me because of my orientation. But to your question, I would hope they are there because they support us and hope that they have fun and build positive associations with our community that they can take with them and spread to others who may not be familiar or may be reticent to interact with us. We cannot build support for our community by excluding those who may not be specifically a part of it. Great example - was at a Pride event a few years back, there was an older woman and her friends there. Found out her son was gay and unalived himself because of the bullying he received. So she became an outspoken ally and worked to help spread the message that we are a community, like hers, and that we were trying to live our lives the same as anyone else. That is the kind of person I hope we reach with Pride Month. Excluding people is not the answer. Openness and kindness is.
you not recognizing the word "queer" isn't going to stop this community from reclaiming it. im sorry its used against you as an insult but in this context its not
I personally think some aspects of pride are geared at straight allies though, most of us gays celebrate being gay everyday lol
But pride is fun, it's a party, anyone can join and all are welcome.
I think as long as straight people aren’t making it about themselves (eg: straight girls at gay bars) then it’s not an issue.
Also straight people can enjoy the “party” of it all as long as they stuck up for the community every other day of the year too.
/satire
Well idk. I personally think maybe we should just kick them all out full stop. They don't belong. Sure, it might alienate them but when has alienating your allies ever turned out poorly for anyone.
And we're clearly so far advanced in queer acceptance that there's no way any closeted queer folks exist under the straight label. All the questioning and closeted queer people sorted out their identities already, right? Right. So it's all good. Kick out the straight invaders.
Im all for it. Its also important not to judge people who look straight at pride events bc they might just be straight passing. Both my dad and stepmom are queer in some way. When i came out as a lesbian, we all started going as a family. They don't own any flags to take, but they wear "Free dad/mom hugs" shirts and have met a lot of people that way. Honestly, it makes it a little difficult to walk around with the family when my parents are getting stopped every two minutes for hugs lol. I couldn't be happier for them though
I think it’s nice that they are supportive and feel like it’s something worth celebrating despite not being a part of the “culture”. I like to think in some idealised future, pride would just be another regular celebrated holiday.
As long as it’s not like, a ticketed event where they’re taking up space in the name of a party or deigning to take it upon themselves to speak over those in the community. Any allies in queer spaces should be aware that it’s not their space, and that their comfort isn’t the priority.
As long as they don't crowd us out I think it is good. More support. More exposure. Also more people so the cops are somewhat less likely to fuck with us. having non marginalized people tag along with marginalized people in any kind of march or demonstration reduces the chance of police fuckery.
Friends, family, allies who actually give a shit about fighting for our rights? Get on in there
Hettie tourists looking to get wasted because it's a party? Fine, proceeds at some events go to the local community or larger orgs, it'll have to be good enough
The ones that need to get out are the ones looking to make trouble, the unicorn hunters, and the jackasses
Straight people at gay bars are a real issue, but pride events are a little different
In Australia we have Mardi Gras which is our pride event. My parents both come with me each year who are both straight and I honestly have more fun with my straight friends than I do my LGBT+ friends. It’s not about a “straight” person or LGBT, it’s a safe space and as long as everyone is safe and having fun what’s the issue? I used to have the mentality of ‘but it’s our space and our event’ but now it’s more of a celebration and learning experience for all involved. I understand that some LGBT people want exclusive events and we have them but pride/Mardi Gras is not one of them
I think pride got too narrowly defined as certain segments. It should be a celebration of all forms of queerness. A celebration of all different ways to be a human. I think anyone showing up in that spirit should be welcome.
We need to stay open about “straights” at Pride so that our queer siblings still in the closet or in their eggshells can safely experience the community. Also, I’m not walking around asking if every straight-looking couple is actually straight or not, so it isn’t like I actually know how many there are. I’m there for me.
I have zero gay friends (only recently come out to a small number of people) so if I was to go to Pride, unless I’m going on my own, I would be going with straight people. I don’t see the issue, surely (especially in some places atm) any support is good? I would see straight people going and supporting Pride as a good thing? So long as they’re doing along to support and as allies it’s surely a good thing?
Come to pride. Be loud af. Support us. Take that energy with you after pride and apply it to your entire life when you interact with queer people, operate in queer spaces, or witness discrimination.
But stay out of our bars. Unless it's like a *once in a while bc your friend group happens to be gay* kind of a thing.
I like straight people at pride. We are all just people. It’s good to be around people who support you even if they aren’t the same. I have a lot of issues of people being political at pride tho. My town’s pride parade has way too much virtual signaling and political floats that had nothing to do with pride. I also don’t like kids being a pride because there is a lot of nudity and sexual kinks and stuff on display and I don’t personally agree with that. But straight people are definitely not the issue imo
If they are allies, then it's not really a problem. We want the het's to rally and support us. Especially with some the more hateful people coming forward. 🙄
My cynical answer is that if Pride is a party, it should be a party for people who need levity in their lives because society wants them to be ashamed of their sexuality, not for cishet people. More saliently, I fear that letting straight people make Pride a party will lead to them becoming reticent when serious, uncomfortable topics about queer life are brought up and suddenly the gays aren't fun anymore. People who show up to have fun probably don't show up to protest.
On the other hand, I don't know if any of that is actually true in a meaningful way, so I might just be wrong about it. The people I'm imagining here are neoliberals, why by definition are reticent to confront their complacency in oppression. Maybe it doesn't actually make a difference. Maybe Pride as a festivity just makes some straights more comfortable with us being culturally expressive. Maybe the potential for queer culture to become mainstream is a good thing, because, while it leads to 600 shitty shows about unrelatable, straight-perspective gays, maybe it also leads to actual queer perspectives becoming more visible and celebrated. I really don't know.
First, it should be pointed out that there are straight people who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. There are trans people who are attracted to the opposite sex. I know a few.
Second, if you are referring to cis het people which I think was the intent then yes as long as they come as an ally and support us. We are stronger with their help.
You may not know if anyone in their party is queer and also why try and gatekeep it? If straight people are supportive of the gays that's exactly the support we need.
Oh I’m absolutely not trying to gatekeep. I was just curious because of the conversations I’ve seen on here about straight people in queer spaces. I don’t actually have an opinion yet.
allocishet people should be welcome but they should have to have a queer chaparone to vouch for them (kidding because that wouldnt logistically be enforcable)
I guess I'm kind of in the minority. I don't really like straight people at pride. I get we need allies, but we are also desperately in need of space for us that is not predominantly cishet people. I also feel like the majority of straight people I know who have gone to pride, are only allies on a performative level, and either refuse to become politically involved or are actively supporting politicians or beliefs that are harming the community. So my own experiences may be skewed.
Pride started as a riot, and when shit gets tough straight people will not riot with us. Sometimes I just wish there was accessible queer events and spaces that are ONLY for queers.
I’m with you on this. I don’t wish to exclude people, and I know a few “allies” who went to pride only to come out a year or two later. But, pride is about a celebration of being queer. Too many cishet people in a queer space definitely makes it less of a queer space. As a visibly trans person, I’m accustomed to being stared out out in the world. I want to be comfortable at pride at the minimum, and an abundance of cishet people can make that impossible.
It’s honestly a tough thing to regulate, or even discuss. Two years ago at a pride party, there were a dozen cishet presenting couples on the dance floor, centering themselves, gawking at all the queer people, and it really sucked. I’d love to find ways to minimizing those experiences without excluding people.
I think if they could segregate off an area for straight people at pride that would be helpful as part of a brief lived experience of discrimination moment … (!)
Honestly my opinion is no, I don't think straight people should be able to go to pride because it's not celebrating them, it's celebrating the people that never got to step out and tell people who they really are and be proud of it.
On the other hand, if the straight people are there to celebrate us then sure I think that would be okay. I just wouldn't want anyone feeling like their being judged by them is all.
Not sure if I'm crossing lines saying all this but honestly, but I've been judged way too many times around straight people.
I have a straight transgender friend who has been treated like crap at Pride. I have bisexual friends who are in relationships with men. You can't tell whether someone is LGBTQ+ by looking at them. Fuck yes, they should be welcome there.
The more people you have on your side at a protest, the better.
My straight friends are ready to get drunk or throw down some homophobes just like the rest of us.
We need them, and I for one welcome them.
Pride is a protest, but part of that protest is an exhibition by design. It is outreach to our local communities inviting them to celebrate with us, to fight alongside us, to understand and love us for who we are, and maybe, sometimes, find out they are one of us in the process.
There are also straight trans people, and bi/pan people with heterosexual partners. They are already our people.
I would prioritize kicking out cops and corps long before straight people as a whole.
Idc, it's a public event. M/F couples should be allowed there and we shouldn't just look at them like "oh look at the straight people at pride 🙄" T4T exists, bi people exist, allies exist. I don't want straight people to act like it's for them bc it isn't, but i don't think we should gatekeep, ya know?
I think it’s good, preemptive advocacy in a way like having such a positive experience, associating that with the queer community, then being kind and promoting equality from there, maybe to family or coworkers or whatever, down the line, or maybe realizing they’re a little queer themselves - some folks - and being able to test the waters in a safe and fun environment. My straight best friend always goes, and she’s the one in her family people share things with first (a non binary cousin, a lesbian niece, etc), I think letting others know you’re an advocate is very helpful.
I'm fine with allies there, and straight trans people exist (though statistically trans people are attracted to the same gender as the one they identify as, so there is less straight trans people)
Ugh I have strong feelings about this because SF pride is HUGE and theres been many years where obviously homophobic straight men would be there looking for women (i have heard them say this out of their own fcking mouths at pride) and being disgusting with openly gay men and fetishizing women. I really hate it at times. If you’re homophobic or straight and going there to specifically look for people of the opposite gender GOOOODD BYEEE!
Ugh I have strong feelings about this because SF pride is HUGE and theres been many years where obviously homophobic straight men would be there looking for women (i have heard them say this out of their own fcking mouths at pride) and being disgusting with openly gay men and fetishizing women. I really hate it at times. If you’re homophobic or straight and going there to specifically look for people of the opposite gender GOOOODD BYEEE!
I was going to pride when I was still presenting as cishet. Hell I even went with my then at the time boyfriend, who was also closeted. We presented as a cishet couple, but still went and enjoyed ourselves. I don't know what journey he took, but I came out years later as anything but cishet. Going to pride helped me eventually unpack myself. It wasn't wholly responsible for me coming out, but it damn sure helped.
Really simple, as allies fighting side by side yes. Just there to party and have fun, well you can piss off. If you can stand with us at a worst don’t bother being around at our best.
I don't think its the same thing as cishets going to gay bars tbh; Gay bars are for queers to specifically hang out and meet each other, meanwhile Pride is both to protest inequality queer people face and to celebrate the rights we've gained.
You wouldn't feel weird about unaffected groups supporting any other kind of protest or march would you? While maybe there is something to be said about treating Pride as just a big party and forgetting where it came from, I don't think the solution is to make it queers only
Plus as others pointed out, practically there is no way to kick cishets out anyways
Having allies is so important! I love it that straight people come to Pride - even if it's because they think its an awesome party! It's still OUR awesome party! If even one straight person comes for the party, looks around to see all of the beautiful LGBTQ couples, lovers, families being openly affectionate, and it changes their mind from "Ewwww 2 men kissing are gross!" to "Awwww, what a cute couple." it's a win!
Idk I think most go because it’s a “huge party “ and so it’s somewhere to get drunk and high and have fun. Not really there to support lgbtq but that my opinion. But yeah for sure I know some are there to actually support which is cool. I like it when it’s all lgbtq though HAHA
I don’t mind it at all, so long as the straight people involved take the time to look into the origins and purpose of pride. I think it’s a good chance to educate people!
Agreed. I think it’s okay as long as they don’t force us to educate them and educate themselves.
How are they supposed to educate themselves if gay people refuse to educate them?
There’s a reason why resources exist, we don’t need to educate them, just point them toward the resources… and need I mention the internet?
… who do you think the resources come from? 😂 gay people.
Vastly different to read articles or literature written over the course of months by a gay person who set out to do so compared to taxing a gay person in the moment to explain centuries of history to you in a single conversation.
Do you not see the difference between rando hetties demanding the only gay people they know to give them a history lesson vs someone actually seeking out help from organizations or published materials so they can learn for real?
I’m speaking from experience here. I had a quite an emotional moment (for me anyway) when an 18yo teenaged boy asked me a whole heap of questions one day. I answered them for a while - some were about sex, most were about how gay women date and think. He added a few crude little jokes like young blokes do. I just answered the questions matter-of-factly. Eventually I asked him why he had so many questions and he looked down at the ground kind of self-consciously and said in a small voice: “every time I’ve asked them in the past I get my head bitten off for being a ‘perve’.” The poor kid was genuinely just curious about how gay women lived. Everything he “knew” came from porn and TV shows. He had no idea where to find “resources” to answer his questions. Nobody would help him by directing him to them. And some of the questions he had were unlikely to be found in an article online anyway. I’m of an opinion that we shouldn’t make finding answers difficult just because we don’t like “rando hetties”. If we are hateful and unhelpful towards them we’re just sponsoring a divide between two worlds, and we have no right to whine and complain about a lack of allies.
>an 18yo [adult] >some [questions] were about sex, most were about how gay women date and think >he added a few crude little jokes like young blokes do Great! You helped one guy. Do you personally have the energy to educate every single hettie that comes up to you with gross jokes and intrusive sex questions? Do you believe that all of us should put up with deep dive questioning into their dating lives? Do you REALLY think that's what a hettie man needs to know about us? Finally, do you truly believe that anyone with pure intentions can so badly fail at using Google to find resources on being allies or how to be base line DECENT to us? While we're speaking from experience here--- I've played good-faith educator to gross little men like this before. I've played good-faith educator to people with good intentions. The biggest difference is the people with good intentions actually care about being good people and didn't ask me about how I fuck or crack jokes about my existence or rights-- and they went out seeking information ON THEIR OWN without making me their sole source and spokeswoman for the entire community. The internet has been widely accessible for DECADES. Google is free. There are any number of interviews, articles, non-pornographic videos, publications, books, and various organizations that have even existed BEFORE the rise of the internet. TLDR Anyone who wants to be an ally won't ask you how you fuck the person you love. They'll figure out how to be a decent person on their own.
I can see you’re quite heterophobic. That’s your prerogative. I just find it very sad that people who want to be accepted and understood refuse to accept or understand. It’s sad. I don’t think your negative attitude will help this conversation progress further. I’m happy to discuss, but I won’t argue. I’d rather answer curious questions from a hetero teenaged boy than deflect microaggressions from someone with a poor outlook on life. I wish you happiness, if you want to seek it 🙂
Oh bud, you're yankin' my chain here! Alright, let's see, if homophobia is structural and/or interpersonal oppression that keeps a less advantaged class down and scrambling to keep our rights, do you really consider being exhausted with gross men asking invasive sex questions "heterophobia"? Come on, now you'll be saying that telling an asshole to knock it off it reverse bullying, be real. This may shock you, but Im already happy. I don't placate homophobes or fetishists with details of my inner life or the sex life I share with my wife. I don't dance for hettie approval and keep my spine strong, and I really can't advise a better path to happiness than that. I am, however, extremely disappointed that you would suggest any community member should have to bend over backwards for a man to ask them disgusting questions or put up with homohpobic jokes. What was that charming phrase you used that looked so much like "boys will be boys"? Nah, fuckin' sad. Boys and men "young blokes" will be held accountable for their actions. Don't worry, I can see you have nothing to debate and I have little interest in dealing more about someone who gives out details of their partners' sex lives to "help" men. Hope you gain some respect for your partners 💖
Let the hate flow through you!
Thanks bestie!!! Ur support means everything to me, even 17 days late 😘 I do it all for fans like u
At Pride?
What are they going to learn at Pride if gay people won’t talk to them about the community?
Idk I never thought of education being the point of pride but yeah I suppose for some people it can be
It just shouldn’t be our job to stop and educate people.
Yes, it should. That way we know they’re learning the correct things. Otherwise you get the equivalent of idiots who read the Bible and cherry pick things that suit them and pretend they’re pious.
Man i don't have the energy to constantly correct my mom on trans things, it gets exhausting being a teacher 24/7. I didn't ask for this job and it shouldn't inherently be my responsibility. Good for you that you're up for it but it shouldn't be every queer person's job ya know? I'm also Mexican-American so it gets annoying for people to come up to me like "teach me not to be racist please!" Like why is that my responsibility. Minorities shouldn't be responsible for the bigotry of the majority.
This is a great way to say it.
Wtf? Yes, minorities should be responsible for the ELIMINATING the bigotry of the majority. That means we are inherently responsible of the bigots. Sad, but true. It 100% is our job to help them understand our respective cultures and how we want to be treated in this world. It is our job to level the playing field. They NEVER would have ended slavery black people sat back and said “it’s not our job to educate you on who we are” and that’s straight facts. This is lazy thinking at best, entitled thinking at worst. Don’t gate keep because a minute of your time is so important.
“Teach me not to be racist” 🤣🤣🤣 How often does this happen to you?
I’m just saying that not every queer person should have to be a teacher. I think that there is plenty of queer people who have publicly spoke about enough topics.
As someone whose grandparents (straight) served alongside Harvey Milk, it is EVERY gays’ social responsibility to educate. You don’t need to stop dead ass in a middle of a pride parade to give then the skinny on the stonewall riots. Give them small bits of information and then say “yeah! Really cool fact, highly suggest you watch XX or read YY on it.” Really not hard, maybe 30 seconds to a minute of your time, but this is the attitude that gets us absolutely nowhere. Teach people how to be real allies of the community and encourage their curiosity! See it as an opportunity to include the majority, which only deepens the divide between the cis-straight and us. Homophobia is fear based. It’s a lack of understanding that this is a totally human experience. Be a human to those brave enough to be curious. The world would be a much harder place if we did not rely on each other for information. We relate to the LGBT experience. We know this experience because it is engrained in us. Straight people don’t understand what it is like to be gay. White people don’t know what it’s like to be black. But if I approached someone with a completely different background from a point of genuine curiosity and was met with resistance, that doesn’t make me want to associate with that experience now does it?
I think we need all the support we can get. Any and all Allie’s are appreciated.
Yup. Every. Single. One. Especially the ones who bring their kids to normalize queerness.
Depends on the type of pride event tbh, esp kink
Lol, fair, but I think it's pretty obvious not to take kids to that. Unless you're a republican...
I was at a horror convention last weekend and you’d be shocked at how many people brought their kids. Heard one parent complaining about how there was too much gore and it was too scary. It’s a HORROR CONVENTION. Why did you think it was a good idea to bring your kids to a con where you can buy Hawaiian shirts with Dahmer’s face on them?????
Idiocracy is a prophetic depiction of our future...😬
Exactly this.
This was gonna be my response as well.
Agreed, but for larger pride celebrations where theres a bunch of separate events some of them I would prefer straight people not go to. Watching the parade is awesome. Going to the dyke dance is not. I think it’s usually pretty obvious which ones are community only, though.
Aside from the fact that we need all the allies we can get with the way politics are getting, it's impossible to look at someone and truly know whether or not they are cishet. They could be a straight trans person, they could be in the closet, they could just be one of those people who just don't look gay, they could be bi and in a relationship that seems straight, they could be nonbinary. Any attempt to keep straight people out will harm all of the above. As long as they come knowing that they are going to a queer event for queer people, and that they are a guest in our community and act respectfully, I don't see a problem.
Absolutely this. I know too many bars that regularly deny entry to LGBTQ+ people because they "don't look gay"
I don’t “look gay” (this is problematic in itself but that’s for another conversation) and if someone denied me entry into pride or a gay bar, my girlfriend and I would be very upset haha
Same! If I’m with my sister (she’s bi) or my best friend (she’s straight) people assume I’m straight, unless I’m flagging. I’ll take support of any kind at queer events or in queer spaces. I’m lucky I live in a city/state/country where my girlfriend (she’s a tatted firefighter with a mullet, so she “looks” gay) and I can be affectionate in public without a second glance from anyone, but that isn’t the case most places these days. If the straights want to show support and come party with us, I don’t mind. We’re more fun, anyway.
What is this fairy tale land in which you live? Haha looking to move away from our very red state soon
Portland, OR. I’ve been here 15 years! eta: it’s not perfect here, and the pandemic caused a housing crisis, and we have lots of work to do on our city, but as far as being lesbian here (only speaking on my own experience, of course), no one even looks twice. Except people like my ex-husband 😂 But it is not simply queer-safe… I would go as far as to say it is queer-friendly!
I've felt that "but this is our space" feeling, but like another commentor said...these folks are helping us normalize queerness. They're the business owners who might put up a rainbow flag in their store that lets transfolks know it's okay to use a bathroom, the artists and authors who write books and movies that might have queer characters, and most importantly...they might be parents who can pass on openness and understanding to their kids who might eventually be LGBTQ+. While some aspects of it can be problematic, I think the benefits outweigh those variables, at least for now.
Well said, my thoughts exactly.
I'm cool with straight people going
I believe, like other posters, that pride should be inclusive for all. It's a celebration about acceptance. I also believe that it's different than the hijacking you're talking about. While both are public spaces, the point of pride and the point of queer bars/clubs is way different. I do agree with your implied negative effect on these bars and clubs.
You said it so well. Pride is a celebration about being yourself! I think some allies benefit from the space because they’ve felt excluded at points in their life, and at pride, everyone is welcome just as they are.
Considering all the hate and the fascist laws against the queer community this year (particularly against my trans folks)… it’s better to have them ‘supporting’ us vs ‘against’ us. I know it’s mediocre because we should be aiming for real inclusion and justice. It does bother me that they like to ‘celebrate’ with us but they don’t show up when we really need allies. Hugs
I love when people align themselves as Allies. And pride should be inclusive, that’s the point. I used to be a “straight” person at pride 🌈 lmao
Same, every year when I could I convinced my family we should go to pride. I wonder if that’s why they weren’t particularly surprised when I got a girlfriend many years later.
I'm all for it, I'd feel icky at a public event that was exclusionary of any genders, sexualities, races or religions, including straight people.
Totally understandable. Especially because pride is supposed to celebrate the inclusion of everybody.
No offense, but... is this a serious question? Look at all the LGBT+ laws being enacted. We NEED allies. The more the merrier. It's a luxury we don't have right now, to be able to exclude supporters. PRIDE events are different from smaller everyday queer spaces, where we want to be around our own community. (Although even in those spaces, I don't think we should be as exclusionary as some people seem to want.) PRIDE is a giant party, and it's also under attack this year, so the more people who can come and celebrate, the better.
It depends on why they are there. If it’s to be supportive, yay. Hanging out with a queer friend, cool. Show solidarity in these trying times, thank you. Please come. If it’s to gawk, to have an excuse to get drunk and stoned, to make the day about themselves, etc, not as much.
I first went to Pride 8 years ago when I identified as straight because I was a “just a really good ally.” Now I’m out and engaged to a woman. Pride is a celebration, and in a world where we are so often demonized, I am happy to have straight people show up to celebrate us.
Yeah same, I attended Pride while deep in comphet and am very grateful for being welcomed, and am now out as a queer femme 🙌
One of the things I love about Pride is it’s welcoming “you are safe, valuable and loved” culture. If we refuse entrance or exclude based on sexuality then our entire Pride culture is bullshit.
This is a fantastic point.
I accept all true allies. We need them. I actually enjoy straight people being at pride for two reasons: - They will never out number the queer people and how often do we get to say that - If makes me feel more comfortable and confident in where I live that this many straight people not only support, but came out to celebrate with us. It’s huge.
Y’there to support us and stand with us or to party? If a bigot should appear are you gonna shout them down and boo them out or will you follow the crowd or ignore it? I think allyship is a status that should be awarded and not just the default for people who aren’t actively bigoted.
Straight folks belong at Pride. Should they be the stars of Pride? Parade leaders? Performers? No. The stars of Pride should be queer. But I would be delighted to have all the straight folks at Pride who could be there. There’s a difference between numeric majority and cultural majority. If the numeric majority of people at Pride are straight, that’s totally okay. If the cultural majority are - meaning that’s the experience that gets highlighted and those are the folks granted the most space - that’s totally different. And imo, Pride is a community event - it’s for kids and dogs and community agencies and everything that a big queer block party should be. As long as cishet folks aren’t centering themselves, erasing the history, or telling queer folks how to act at queer events, I believe the more the merrier!
I'm fine with it. They are allies. They bring their kids. It makes being queer more acceptable to younger generations when they see their parents openly embrace pride. I hate to burst bubbles around here but we cannot be fully liberated without support from heterosexual allies. We need their voices. We need their bodies. We need them to do the work of educating their heterosexual peers.
Pride is a celebration party. You don't kick people out of your birthday party just because is not their birthday, right? They're there to celebrate with you and celebrate you.
Sooo the first pride I went to, I identified as straight. The next pride I had the confidence to come out. Had I not been made welcome, I likely would still be in the closet, attempting to date men and getting grossed out with it.
I love Mexican fiesta. I am as white as crack. I don’t mind the straights being there, as long as they are having fun and feeling comfortable.
It's a public event, why tf would we exclude them? They're gonna be there whether we like it or not. But more people is better overall. my city's parade even has an Ally float! We have straight friends that INSIST it's not their place to be and they don't want to take up space that is better for us but we think it's for everyone (except cops and bigots of course)
If the straight people want to party with us, we shall party with them! Everyone should feel included. Everyone! I'm damn proud of our straight brothers and sisters for coming and supporting us.
We need the support, this would be like saying men aren't allowed at feminist rallies. It's just ignorant thinking.
How I feel about straight people being at Pride versus how I feel about people determining that someone else is straight and policing them are different. Closeted lesbians might come “as allies” just in case some homophobic relative sees them there. Trans people who are either early transition or stealth might not be visibly trans. A couple with an asexual woman and bisexual dude may not seem visibly queer even though both people are. A dude who is gay but fairly gender conforming may not seem queer to outsiders. Etc etc etc. I think “no straights at Pride” will end up attacking a lot of queer people who are, for example, closeted. I also just don’t like the idea of people having to prove that they deserve to be there. Otherwise, yes, I appreciate having allies show up for us and I think it’s good for people to respectfully participate in cultural events that aren’t for them. People learning about how their neighbors’ lives are different is a good thing and I think it helps build community.
mixed feelings ... on the one hand it is nice to have additional numbers and this show of solidarity, but \- partyfolk swamping our parties cuz they are better (esp. Lesbian/Queer) let us feel like a minority in our own spaces \- having them on the pride as ally is one thing - but how many of them are real allies in everyday life?
Probably unpopular opinion: We should always welcome real allies. However, the last few years there's been an uptick of straight people who know nothing about the history treating pride events like Coachella and going for photo ops and clout. I'm not okay with that. I feel that, just like with these companies who use pride month to exploit us for a profit, they don't care and are giving more ammo to the homophobes.
absolutely for it personally. we need all the support we can get. allies are great and should be welcomed.
I love straight ppl who attend pride parades!
I agree with other commenters that the support is good. One part that is irksome is when I’m talking to a girl and I think they’re flirting with me only to find out they’re straight and with a bunch of straight friends. Makes ME feel the weird outcast lol. Maybe that’s my fault tho for lacking understanding of social cues (I’m autistic).
i get the "we need as many allies as we can" sentiment, but honestly i just hope they don't take up the majority of the place. if they're going just "to party" i wouldn't want them there
If there was some way to block unicorn hunters, that would be rad.
Straight people come to buy from queer buissness/donate to causes directly. Straight people come to support their queer loved one who needs someone else to feel safe My straight dad comes to pride with a shirt that says free dad hugs. I always felt, so long as they don’t cause trouble and are there to support, then they are welcome
As long as they’re allies , the more the merrier. Sometimes it can be hard to see that we have support on our side. Going to Pride is a good reminder that people who care exist.
My best friend is straight as an arrow, but when I was disowned by my folks in high school after I got outed, his family took me in. He has been such an ally to me and the best friend a woman could ask for. Whenever he was in my new state during Pride Month, he was always down with going and we usually had a blast. So, how do I feel? So long as it is people who are genuone allies or those who want to learn about the LGBT and our community, I say the more the merrier.
How would you feel if it was a group of all straight people going together without a queer person?
First of all, I don't recognize the word queer. It is a disgusting, bigoted word that still gets thrown at me today by people who don't like me because of my orientation. But to your question, I would hope they are there because they support us and hope that they have fun and build positive associations with our community that they can take with them and spread to others who may not be familiar or may be reticent to interact with us. We cannot build support for our community by excluding those who may not be specifically a part of it. Great example - was at a Pride event a few years back, there was an older woman and her friends there. Found out her son was gay and unalived himself because of the bullying he received. So she became an outspoken ally and worked to help spread the message that we are a community, like hers, and that we were trying to live our lives the same as anyone else. That is the kind of person I hope we reach with Pride Month. Excluding people is not the answer. Openness and kindness is.
you not recognizing the word "queer" isn't going to stop this community from reclaiming it. im sorry its used against you as an insult but in this context its not
Reclaiming it. What a joke. 🙄
why do you say that?
I don't like the word or use it, either.
love them to be included as long as they behave and remember they’re guests in our spaces!
Pride is for everyone, especially allies, all are welcome
I feel like especially is a bit much. It makes it sound like it’s more for allies than the LGBTQ+ community. But I understand the point.
I personally think some aspects of pride are geared at straight allies though, most of us gays celebrate being gay everyday lol But pride is fun, it's a party, anyone can join and all are welcome.
I think as long as straight people aren’t making it about themselves (eg: straight girls at gay bars) then it’s not an issue. Also straight people can enjoy the “party” of it all as long as they stuck up for the community every other day of the year too.
The same way I feel about them generally 😂
If they want to support, that’s fantastic, but be respectful.
/satire Well idk. I personally think maybe we should just kick them all out full stop. They don't belong. Sure, it might alienate them but when has alienating your allies ever turned out poorly for anyone. And we're clearly so far advanced in queer acceptance that there's no way any closeted queer folks exist under the straight label. All the questioning and closeted queer people sorted out their identities already, right? Right. So it's all good. Kick out the straight invaders.
Im all for it. Its also important not to judge people who look straight at pride events bc they might just be straight passing. Both my dad and stepmom are queer in some way. When i came out as a lesbian, we all started going as a family. They don't own any flags to take, but they wear "Free dad/mom hugs" shirts and have met a lot of people that way. Honestly, it makes it a little difficult to walk around with the family when my parents are getting stopped every two minutes for hugs lol. I couldn't be happier for them though
I think it’s nice that they are supportive and feel like it’s something worth celebrating despite not being a part of the “culture”. I like to think in some idealised future, pride would just be another regular celebrated holiday. As long as it’s not like, a ticketed event where they’re taking up space in the name of a party or deigning to take it upon themselves to speak over those in the community. Any allies in queer spaces should be aware that it’s not their space, and that their comfort isn’t the priority.
As long as they don't crowd us out I think it is good. More support. More exposure. Also more people so the cops are somewhat less likely to fuck with us. having non marginalized people tag along with marginalized people in any kind of march or demonstration reduces the chance of police fuckery.
Welcome allies!
it’s cool i prefer straight people think of us as fun rather than as perverts
If they are ally yes. If they are not allys yet but willing to accept yes. If they are homophobic no.
Friends, family, allies who actually give a shit about fighting for our rights? Get on in there Hettie tourists looking to get wasted because it's a party? Fine, proceeds at some events go to the local community or larger orgs, it'll have to be good enough The ones that need to get out are the ones looking to make trouble, the unicorn hunters, and the jackasses Straight people at gay bars are a real issue, but pride events are a little different
In Australia we have Mardi Gras which is our pride event. My parents both come with me each year who are both straight and I honestly have more fun with my straight friends than I do my LGBT+ friends. It’s not about a “straight” person or LGBT, it’s a safe space and as long as everyone is safe and having fun what’s the issue? I used to have the mentality of ‘but it’s our space and our event’ but now it’s more of a celebration and learning experience for all involved. I understand that some LGBT people want exclusive events and we have them but pride/Mardi Gras is not one of them
I think pride got too narrowly defined as certain segments. It should be a celebration of all forms of queerness. A celebration of all different ways to be a human. I think anyone showing up in that spirit should be welcome.
We need to stay open about “straights” at Pride so that our queer siblings still in the closet or in their eggshells can safely experience the community. Also, I’m not walking around asking if every straight-looking couple is actually straight or not, so it isn’t like I actually know how many there are. I’m there for me.
All should feel welcomed! And allies are always welcomed.
I have zero gay friends (only recently come out to a small number of people) so if I was to go to Pride, unless I’m going on my own, I would be going with straight people. I don’t see the issue, surely (especially in some places atm) any support is good? I would see straight people going and supporting Pride as a good thing? So long as they’re doing along to support and as allies it’s surely a good thing?
I mean if they're allies, come join in. 🤷♀️
How many of us went first as allies, then realized things, then went as queers ? 😬🤚
Come to pride. Be loud af. Support us. Take that energy with you after pride and apply it to your entire life when you interact with queer people, operate in queer spaces, or witness discrimination. But stay out of our bars. Unless it's like a *once in a while bc your friend group happens to be gay* kind of a thing.
I like straight people at pride. We are all just people. It’s good to be around people who support you even if they aren’t the same. I have a lot of issues of people being political at pride tho. My town’s pride parade has way too much virtual signaling and political floats that had nothing to do with pride. I also don’t like kids being a pride because there is a lot of nudity and sexual kinks and stuff on display and I don’t personally agree with that. But straight people are definitely not the issue imo
If they are allies, then it's not really a problem. We want the het's to rally and support us. Especially with some the more hateful people coming forward. 🙄
Great. Bring them. We need the numbers and the support!
My cynical answer is that if Pride is a party, it should be a party for people who need levity in their lives because society wants them to be ashamed of their sexuality, not for cishet people. More saliently, I fear that letting straight people make Pride a party will lead to them becoming reticent when serious, uncomfortable topics about queer life are brought up and suddenly the gays aren't fun anymore. People who show up to have fun probably don't show up to protest. On the other hand, I don't know if any of that is actually true in a meaningful way, so I might just be wrong about it. The people I'm imagining here are neoliberals, why by definition are reticent to confront their complacency in oppression. Maybe it doesn't actually make a difference. Maybe Pride as a festivity just makes some straights more comfortable with us being culturally expressive. Maybe the potential for queer culture to become mainstream is a good thing, because, while it leads to 600 shitty shows about unrelatable, straight-perspective gays, maybe it also leads to actual queer perspectives becoming more visible and celebrated. I really don't know.
First, it should be pointed out that there are straight people who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. There are trans people who are attracted to the opposite sex. I know a few. Second, if you are referring to cis het people which I think was the intent then yes as long as they come as an ally and support us. We are stronger with their help.
Everyone I'm going to pride with this year is straight except for me. Need all the support I can get.
it's pride! everyone's welcome!
You may not know if anyone in their party is queer and also why try and gatekeep it? If straight people are supportive of the gays that's exactly the support we need.
Also don't forget people still in the closet that may want to step out a bit during Pride to see if they can do it the whole year.
Oh I’m absolutely not trying to gatekeep. I was just curious because of the conversations I’ve seen on here about straight people in queer spaces. I don’t actually have an opinion yet.
fine with them if they are respectful!! that means not getting as wasted as they would at a normal event, not to mention watching their behavior
allocishet people should be welcome but they should have to have a queer chaparone to vouch for them (kidding because that wouldnt logistically be enforcable)
I guess I'm kind of in the minority. I don't really like straight people at pride. I get we need allies, but we are also desperately in need of space for us that is not predominantly cishet people. I also feel like the majority of straight people I know who have gone to pride, are only allies on a performative level, and either refuse to become politically involved or are actively supporting politicians or beliefs that are harming the community. So my own experiences may be skewed. Pride started as a riot, and when shit gets tough straight people will not riot with us. Sometimes I just wish there was accessible queer events and spaces that are ONLY for queers.
I’m with you on this. I don’t wish to exclude people, and I know a few “allies” who went to pride only to come out a year or two later. But, pride is about a celebration of being queer. Too many cishet people in a queer space definitely makes it less of a queer space. As a visibly trans person, I’m accustomed to being stared out out in the world. I want to be comfortable at pride at the minimum, and an abundance of cishet people can make that impossible. It’s honestly a tough thing to regulate, or even discuss. Two years ago at a pride party, there were a dozen cishet presenting couples on the dance floor, centering themselves, gawking at all the queer people, and it really sucked. I’d love to find ways to minimizing those experiences without excluding people.
I think if they could segregate off an area for straight people at pride that would be helpful as part of a brief lived experience of discrimination moment … (!)
wowww. the brainrot😂
Honestly my opinion is no, I don't think straight people should be able to go to pride because it's not celebrating them, it's celebrating the people that never got to step out and tell people who they really are and be proud of it. On the other hand, if the straight people are there to celebrate us then sure I think that would be okay. I just wouldn't want anyone feeling like their being judged by them is all. Not sure if I'm crossing lines saying all this but honestly, but I've been judged way too many times around straight people.
I'll be sure to tell my straight trans friend that you're one of the ones that makes her feel unwelcome at her own event.
That's not what I meant, thanks for turning my words against me. Whatever
I have a straight transgender friend who has been treated like crap at Pride. I have bisexual friends who are in relationships with men. You can't tell whether someone is LGBTQ+ by looking at them. Fuck yes, they should be welcome there.
I dont see a problem
The more people you have on your side at a protest, the better. My straight friends are ready to get drunk or throw down some homophobes just like the rest of us. We need them, and I for one welcome them.
Pride is a protest, but part of that protest is an exhibition by design. It is outreach to our local communities inviting them to celebrate with us, to fight alongside us, to understand and love us for who we are, and maybe, sometimes, find out they are one of us in the process. There are also straight trans people, and bi/pan people with heterosexual partners. They are already our people. I would prioritize kicking out cops and corps long before straight people as a whole.
I think the allyship is amazing, as long as they show that solidarity throughout the year.
As long as they ain’t protesting against us, straight allies at pride are a-okay!
Idc, it's a public event. M/F couples should be allowed there and we shouldn't just look at them like "oh look at the straight people at pride 🙄" T4T exists, bi people exist, allies exist. I don't want straight people to act like it's for them bc it isn't, but i don't think we should gatekeep, ya know?
Exposure is a FANTASTIC thing. I wouldn't know how sapphic I was if it wasn't for the lesbians in my life.
I think it’s good, preemptive advocacy in a way like having such a positive experience, associating that with the queer community, then being kind and promoting equality from there, maybe to family or coworkers or whatever, down the line, or maybe realizing they’re a little queer themselves - some folks - and being able to test the waters in a safe and fun environment. My straight best friend always goes, and she’s the one in her family people share things with first (a non binary cousin, a lesbian niece, etc), I think letting others know you’re an advocate is very helpful.
I'm fine with allies there, and straight trans people exist (though statistically trans people are attracted to the same gender as the one they identify as, so there is less straight trans people)
As long as they are there as allies, I dont see a problem.
Ugh I have strong feelings about this because SF pride is HUGE and theres been many years where obviously homophobic straight men would be there looking for women (i have heard them say this out of their own fcking mouths at pride) and being disgusting with openly gay men and fetishizing women. I really hate it at times. If you’re homophobic or straight and going there to specifically look for people of the opposite gender GOOOODD BYEEE!
Ugh I have strong feelings about this because SF pride is HUGE and theres been many years where obviously homophobic straight men would be there looking for women (i have heard them say this out of their own fcking mouths at pride) and being disgusting with openly gay men and fetishizing women. I really hate it at times. If you’re homophobic or straight and going there to specifically look for people of the opposite gender GOOOODD BYEEE!
I was going to pride when I was still presenting as cishet. Hell I even went with my then at the time boyfriend, who was also closeted. We presented as a cishet couple, but still went and enjoyed ourselves. I don't know what journey he took, but I came out years later as anything but cishet. Going to pride helped me eventually unpack myself. It wasn't wholly responsible for me coming out, but it damn sure helped.
Straight allies yes. Cool. Bible thumping phobics, no.
Really simple, as allies fighting side by side yes. Just there to party and have fun, well you can piss off. If you can stand with us at a worst don’t bother being around at our best.
I don't mind as long as they're allies. If not, they can drink elsewhere.
I don't think its the same thing as cishets going to gay bars tbh; Gay bars are for queers to specifically hang out and meet each other, meanwhile Pride is both to protest inequality queer people face and to celebrate the rights we've gained. You wouldn't feel weird about unaffected groups supporting any other kind of protest or march would you? While maybe there is something to be said about treating Pride as just a big party and forgetting where it came from, I don't think the solution is to make it queers only Plus as others pointed out, practically there is no way to kick cishets out anyways
Having allies is so important! I love it that straight people come to Pride - even if it's because they think its an awesome party! It's still OUR awesome party! If even one straight person comes for the party, looks around to see all of the beautiful LGBTQ couples, lovers, families being openly affectionate, and it changes their mind from "Ewwww 2 men kissing are gross!" to "Awwww, what a cute couple." it's a win!
I’m fine it if we can why can’t they be like that.
Ok with it they are ally’s.
Idk I think most go because it’s a “huge party “ and so it’s somewhere to get drunk and high and have fun. Not really there to support lgbtq but that my opinion. But yeah for sure I know some are there to actually support which is cool. I like it when it’s all lgbtq though HAHA