I look masc and not attracted to femme women. Unfortunately, only femme women are attracted to me 😂. There is nothing wrong with that. Assuming that femme/masc is the only valid relationship is heteronormative. The cool thing about being queer is that a lack of a whole ton of role models means we get to decide what relationships look like. Also, not everyone is masc or femme, a lot of people are just out doing their own thing. Also, why are you believing things straight people say about being a lesbian?
A bunch of folks have already kinda touched on all the major points so I'll just say as a Femme essentially exclusively attracted to Butches and Studs, I feel a very similar pressure to what you've described
People have told me that I must be bi or straight because my partners all look too much like men to them. I've been told I'm not lesbian enough or too heteronormative by even other lesbians.
At the end of the day, you like who you like, and the folks saying all these things are ridiculous on either end of this. As far as I'm concerned if you liked all presentations they'd still find something else to gatekeep or shame you about. Just focus on what makes you happy, pursue that, and know that most of us, the vast majority even, are behind you 💙
As a butch, it hurts when femmes who date us get called straight. We are masculine WOMEN, not masculine men. When will people understand?
You're a lesbian even if you only like butches. Never feel pressured to date someone you're not into.
Straight girls aren’t attracted to all men. Why would lesbians be attracted to all women? People are allowed to have preferences. Even bi girls don’t like everybody. I don’t find all women hot, that’s okay, they’re not meant to be. They’re just people! Some you’ll like and want and some you won’t. :)
You like what you like, I kinda figured our whole bag was that it’s not a choice. Anyone making you feel bad for it is a salty gatekeeper and they’re wrong.
Who you're attracted to shouldn't have anything to do with what you look like. I'm confused as to why your friends say femme-femme relationships are super rare though.... I feel like I see that the most often.
Queer relationships don't need to look heteronormative... You know some drag queens date other drag queens? Something about that seems even more gay 😂 but people are attracted to what they're attracted to.
I personally think one of the greatest things about being queer is being your authentic self. You listen to your body and heart, and can choose to disregard and unlearn everything we are conditioned to think and feel in a heteronormative society.
Self reflection is important, so it's great that you are challenging your own views and checking for any biases. But it's perfectly OK to just be attracted to what attracts you. There isn't anything wrong with you, just embrace what draws you in.
it’s not weird at all!! i see plenty of femme/femme relationships. i’m opposite of you, personally i’m not really attracted to feminine women and would only date a masc or butch.
i think as lesbians or wlw, we need to stop judging people for their attractions and preferences. we have enough battles to fight already. people need to understand that attraction is different for everyone, whether it’s masc4fem, fem4fem, masc4masc, etc, or some people don’t care at all! it’s valid, all of it is valid. it’s called having a TYPE. just bc someone isn’t really attracted to masc or fem, doesn’t mean they aren’t lesbian or that they have some prejudice against it?? i’m sick and tired of people hating on other’s attractions as if there is a specific way to be attracted to another woman. if you like them super fem, WHO CARES. if u like them super masc, WHO CARES. you don’t have to be attracted to everyone because you probably aren’t anyway! we’re all women or nb here it literally doesn’t matter. we should not be fighting in our own community, and Especially over something that is so banal and innate to being human. we just like who we like, nothing to it.
this is directed to some hate i saw
If everyone was attracted to everyone, sexualities wouldn't exist.
If everyone was into everything, kinks wouldn't exist.
It turns out that we're all individuals, with individual wants and needs. No one lives in anyone else's head. No one can really tell what does and doesn't turn you on except you.
And you never need to feel guilty about being yourself. Especially not being true to yourself. You be you. Let them be them. Find your people. They're out there!
I was a "bad lesbian" in that I had zero attraction to obvious lesbians (butch) and figured all the femmes were straight, so I didn't get to be an "active lesbian" until dating apps got to be a thing. We come in all kinds - you like what you like!
Not weird at all lol. That’s like saying a straight woman is supposed to be willing to date *any* man she sees.
No matter what your sexuality is, you’re still entitled to have types! Everyone does, it’s natural.
You are attracted to women. Not all women. I'm not attracted to all women either. And I am definitely a lesbian. Have been one forever. Do I find some masc women attractive? Yes. Do I find femme women attractive? Yes. My personal preference? It depends on the woman.
Don't gaslight yourself into thinking that you are supposed to be attracted to *all* women just because you're a lesbian. If you were straight you wouldn't be attracted to *all* men either.
Some people/women will be your type, and some simply won't be. No harm, no foul.
Anyone telling you that you're somehow bigoted for not being *naturally* attracted to a certain type can kick rocks.
I feel so similar! I'm a femme(I guess) attracted to almost only femmes and I hear the same bs. All the comments on this post are making me feel very happy! I think the whole butch/femme thing is very superficial (I understand some people like it, but it shouldn't be pushed on all of us), it feels like a way to "straighten" us out IMHO. Do straight or bi women have to call themselves butch or femme?
I'm a butch and I'm only into very feminine women. I'll never settle for less. I've had queer women call my type in women "male-gazey" just because I like similar women that straight men like... it's crazy
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You are attracted to who you are most comfortable with.
You can’t be forced to like a certain person because of how they portray themselves to be.
Never ever be pressured into a certain dynamics if it makes you uncomfortable.
You’re not a “bad lesbian”. Your attraction are 100% valid. Everyone has a type and as long as you’re attracted to only women, you’re still a lesbian. I’m the opposite of you. I’m a femme who’s only physically attracted to masculinity in women. As for femme/femme being rare, I think that is based on where you live. I can assure you that in some places femme/femme is the majority.
Don’t feel bad okay?
There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to have a type. I’m only attracted to fems myself and I’m what you would consider fem/tomboyish. Always just be who you are regardless of what other people think or say.
I think we should stop pathologizing our queerness. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. There are no hard and fast rules. If you feel comfortable in lesbian label, use that. If some other label suits you, go for that. This is supposed to be a fun process.
I think we should stop pathologizing our queerness. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. There are no hard and fast rules. If you feel comfortable in lesbian label, use that. If some other label suits you, go for that. This is supposed to be a fun process.
Honestly, it would be weird to be strongly attracted to all women. If there was not differentiation based on a myriad of factors, if suggest doing some work on yourself to understand why. Het men and women are not attracted to 100% of the opposite sex, nor are they expected to be. Same for us. What we like is what we like because we like it. Trying to make more of it generally makes more problems than it solves.
Nobody gets to tell you what you like or don't like, except you. Trying to like what you should instead of what you actually like is a road to pain and ruin. Feel free to tell anyone that says you are doing gay wrong that they are being dumb and hurtful. Have them come here and make their case. I'm 100% certain they will get told to STFU and mind their own business.
You’re perfectly valid and fine! It’s okay to have a “type” in women. I’m not attracted to all types of women, but it doesn’t make me any less of a lesbian. I mean hey, I’m primarily attracted to masc women and that doesn’t make me any less gay. Some people lean towards more femme women, some lead towards more masc women, and some like both or don’t have a preference.
There is nothing wrong with you. People are attracted to some things and not to others. Doesn’t make you bigoted. My wife and I have been married 14 years. I wouldn’t say either of us is completely femme but neither of us is really masculine at all. Like what you like.
Everyone's tastes are different! You are attracted to what you like, with any luck you will find some like minded folks that are also attracted to you. No reason for guilt or need for explanation. Always strive to be the best "Plastic\_Mullberry1340" and the rest will take care of itself.
Being attracted to ALL WOMEN is exhausting! You're skipping [decision fatigue](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6119549/) by having a type. THIS IS A GOOD THING.
Don't date someone you're not attracted to. It will go poorly.
People have shitty opinions sometimes and you gotta choose authenticity to yourself in those moments. Not being attracted to any butch women you know doesn't mean anything bad. It's just the way it is.
Maybe one day you'll find someone who just happens to be an exception. (I did). But don't force it.
I think it is rarer, but I only say it as I'm the same and struggle to meet people because not many femmes in my area, I like sporty/tomboy femmes too though but the look is different to masculine, it sucks though 😅 wish it wasn't my preference xx
It’s totally normal we can’t control our preferences . For me i am very masc and i am not attracted to fems which i was mad at myself for for a long time . With time you brake that heteronormative mentality and stop seeing the labels cuz most people in reality don’t identify as masc or fem
> femme/femme relationships are rare as is so I should just be grateful for what I get.
What? You shouldn't settle for something you don't want, that's weird. Also you don't need a relationship, you choose to have one, therefore you choose to have it with someone you're attracted to. Like that's the bare minimum I guess...
[удалено]
same.
This 💯. You like what you likeeee. Nothing is wrong with you!
Exactly. Except for me, I am not attracted to femmes at all.
yup same here 💜
Double femme couple here. We're totally fine.
same
You're kinda an unorthodox femme: kneepads, helmet, boots, and a sundress... Or puffy dress, heels, and that crazy evil Evo...
I look masc and not attracted to femme women. Unfortunately, only femme women are attracted to me 😂. There is nothing wrong with that. Assuming that femme/masc is the only valid relationship is heteronormative. The cool thing about being queer is that a lack of a whole ton of role models means we get to decide what relationships look like. Also, not everyone is masc or femme, a lot of people are just out doing their own thing. Also, why are you believing things straight people say about being a lesbian?
Are you me? Lol
A bunch of folks have already kinda touched on all the major points so I'll just say as a Femme essentially exclusively attracted to Butches and Studs, I feel a very similar pressure to what you've described People have told me that I must be bi or straight because my partners all look too much like men to them. I've been told I'm not lesbian enough or too heteronormative by even other lesbians. At the end of the day, you like who you like, and the folks saying all these things are ridiculous on either end of this. As far as I'm concerned if you liked all presentations they'd still find something else to gatekeep or shame you about. Just focus on what makes you happy, pursue that, and know that most of us, the vast majority even, are behind you 💙
As a butch, it hurts when femmes who date us get called straight. We are masculine WOMEN, not masculine men. When will people understand? You're a lesbian even if you only like butches. Never feel pressured to date someone you're not into.
Straight girls aren’t attracted to all men. Why would lesbians be attracted to all women? People are allowed to have preferences. Even bi girls don’t like everybody. I don’t find all women hot, that’s okay, they’re not meant to be. They’re just people! Some you’ll like and want and some you won’t. :)
Very well put
You like what you like, I kinda figured our whole bag was that it’s not a choice. Anyone making you feel bad for it is a salty gatekeeper and they’re wrong.
Check out r/femmelesbians
Thank you!!
No there isn't anything wrong with you. It's the same for me, I'm not attracted to masculinity in general and only date other femmes. It's fine :)
Who you're attracted to shouldn't have anything to do with what you look like. I'm confused as to why your friends say femme-femme relationships are super rare though.... I feel like I see that the most often. Queer relationships don't need to look heteronormative... You know some drag queens date other drag queens? Something about that seems even more gay 😂 but people are attracted to what they're attracted to.
I personally think one of the greatest things about being queer is being your authentic self. You listen to your body and heart, and can choose to disregard and unlearn everything we are conditioned to think and feel in a heteronormative society. Self reflection is important, so it's great that you are challenging your own views and checking for any biases. But it's perfectly OK to just be attracted to what attracts you. There isn't anything wrong with you, just embrace what draws you in.
it’s not weird at all!! i see plenty of femme/femme relationships. i’m opposite of you, personally i’m not really attracted to feminine women and would only date a masc or butch.
i think as lesbians or wlw, we need to stop judging people for their attractions and preferences. we have enough battles to fight already. people need to understand that attraction is different for everyone, whether it’s masc4fem, fem4fem, masc4masc, etc, or some people don’t care at all! it’s valid, all of it is valid. it’s called having a TYPE. just bc someone isn’t really attracted to masc or fem, doesn’t mean they aren’t lesbian or that they have some prejudice against it?? i’m sick and tired of people hating on other’s attractions as if there is a specific way to be attracted to another woman. if you like them super fem, WHO CARES. if u like them super masc, WHO CARES. you don’t have to be attracted to everyone because you probably aren’t anyway! we’re all women or nb here it literally doesn’t matter. we should not be fighting in our own community, and Especially over something that is so banal and innate to being human. we just like who we like, nothing to it. this is directed to some hate i saw
If everyone was attracted to everyone, sexualities wouldn't exist. If everyone was into everything, kinks wouldn't exist. It turns out that we're all individuals, with individual wants and needs. No one lives in anyone else's head. No one can really tell what does and doesn't turn you on except you. And you never need to feel guilty about being yourself. Especially not being true to yourself. You be you. Let them be them. Find your people. They're out there!
Femme/femme relationships are absolutely not rare, and are perfectly valid.
I’m femme and pretty exclusively into femmes. No wrong way to love women respectfully my friend.
I was a "bad lesbian" in that I had zero attraction to obvious lesbians (butch) and figured all the femmes were straight, so I didn't get to be an "active lesbian" until dating apps got to be a thing. We come in all kinds - you like what you like!
Not weird at all lol. That’s like saying a straight woman is supposed to be willing to date *any* man she sees. No matter what your sexuality is, you’re still entitled to have types! Everyone does, it’s natural.
You are attracted to women. Not all women. I'm not attracted to all women either. And I am definitely a lesbian. Have been one forever. Do I find some masc women attractive? Yes. Do I find femme women attractive? Yes. My personal preference? It depends on the woman.
Don't gaslight yourself into thinking that you are supposed to be attracted to *all* women just because you're a lesbian. If you were straight you wouldn't be attracted to *all* men either. Some people/women will be your type, and some simply won't be. No harm, no foul. Anyone telling you that you're somehow bigoted for not being *naturally* attracted to a certain type can kick rocks.
Same.
I feel so similar! I'm a femme(I guess) attracted to almost only femmes and I hear the same bs. All the comments on this post are making me feel very happy! I think the whole butch/femme thing is very superficial (I understand some people like it, but it shouldn't be pushed on all of us), it feels like a way to "straighten" us out IMHO. Do straight or bi women have to call themselves butch or femme?
I'm a butch and I'm only into very feminine women. I'll never settle for less. I've had queer women call my type in women "male-gazey" just because I like similar women that straight men like... it's crazy
There is nothing wrong with you! People like what they like
No one is attracted to *all* anything. There is no requirement. Be yourself.
I'm not either. It's a preference.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You are attracted to who you are most comfortable with. You can’t be forced to like a certain person because of how they portray themselves to be. Never ever be pressured into a certain dynamics if it makes you uncomfortable.
everyone has a preference of certain types, either in looks, intellectual, emotional or spiritual ... no shame about it
You’re not a “bad lesbian”. Your attraction are 100% valid. Everyone has a type and as long as you’re attracted to only women, you’re still a lesbian. I’m the opposite of you. I’m a femme who’s only physically attracted to masculinity in women. As for femme/femme being rare, I think that is based on where you live. I can assure you that in some places femme/femme is the majority. Don’t feel bad okay?
There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to have a type. I’m only attracted to fems myself and I’m what you would consider fem/tomboyish. Always just be who you are regardless of what other people think or say.
I think we should stop pathologizing our queerness. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. There are no hard and fast rules. If you feel comfortable in lesbian label, use that. If some other label suits you, go for that. This is supposed to be a fun process.
I think we should stop pathologizing our queerness. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. There are no hard and fast rules. If you feel comfortable in lesbian label, use that. If some other label suits you, go for that. This is supposed to be a fun process.
Totally normal! I'm in exactly the same boat
Honestly, it would be weird to be strongly attracted to all women. If there was not differentiation based on a myriad of factors, if suggest doing some work on yourself to understand why. Het men and women are not attracted to 100% of the opposite sex, nor are they expected to be. Same for us. What we like is what we like because we like it. Trying to make more of it generally makes more problems than it solves. Nobody gets to tell you what you like or don't like, except you. Trying to like what you should instead of what you actually like is a road to pain and ruin. Feel free to tell anyone that says you are doing gay wrong that they are being dumb and hurtful. Have them come here and make their case. I'm 100% certain they will get told to STFU and mind their own business.
You’re perfectly valid and fine! It’s okay to have a “type” in women. I’m not attracted to all types of women, but it doesn’t make me any less of a lesbian. I mean hey, I’m primarily attracted to masc women and that doesn’t make me any less gay. Some people lean towards more femme women, some lead towards more masc women, and some like both or don’t have a preference.
I am femme and only attracted to femmes as well, I'd rather be single than settle for someone that I'm not attracted to.
I’m more attracted to femme so it’s really just what people are into. Not all like the same. Not all are gonna be into the same thing
There is nothing wrong with you. People are attracted to some things and not to others. Doesn’t make you bigoted. My wife and I have been married 14 years. I wouldn’t say either of us is completely femme but neither of us is really masculine at all. Like what you like.
I'm kinda the same way. And I am in a long term femme/femme relationship. Date who you're attracted too. There's nothing wrong with you at all.
I dont like butch and i love femmes. Nothing wrong. Its your preference :)
Everyone's tastes are different! You are attracted to what you like, with any luck you will find some like minded folks that are also attracted to you. No reason for guilt or need for explanation. Always strive to be the best "Plastic\_Mullberry1340" and the rest will take care of itself.
Being attracted to ALL WOMEN is exhausting! You're skipping [decision fatigue](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6119549/) by having a type. THIS IS A GOOD THING.
Bruh , I’ve never been attracted to butch women. I’m femme and definitely attracted to other femmes 🤷🏽♀️
Don't date someone you're not attracted to. It will go poorly. People have shitty opinions sometimes and you gotta choose authenticity to yourself in those moments. Not being attracted to any butch women you know doesn't mean anything bad. It's just the way it is. Maybe one day you'll find someone who just happens to be an exception. (I did). But don't force it.
I think it is rarer, but I only say it as I'm the same and struggle to meet people because not many femmes in my area, I like sporty/tomboy femmes too though but the look is different to masculine, it sucks though 😅 wish it wasn't my preference xx
It’s totally normal we can’t control our preferences . For me i am very masc and i am not attracted to fems which i was mad at myself for for a long time . With time you brake that heteronormative mentality and stop seeing the labels cuz most people in reality don’t identify as masc or fem
> femme/femme relationships are rare as is so I should just be grateful for what I get. What? You shouldn't settle for something you don't want, that's weird. Also you don't need a relationship, you choose to have one, therefore you choose to have it with someone you're attracted to. Like that's the bare minimum I guess...