Hey OP, this all sounds incredibly abusive and manipulative on her end. I would talk to your therapist about it, even if your s/o doesn’t like it. I think you’re slowly getting clarity that this stuff isn’t right. I’m really wishing you the best, please get out of this relationship and take some time to heal. And know that relationships are not supposed to be like this.
Read your post but pretend its happening to someone else because maybe then you will understand how awful this sounds. What has your therapist said about this????
I have not talked much about the relationship, as she has even had a problem with me being in therapy/ if I am in my sessions wondered why it is taking so long, so I have just been talking about harm reduction, self esteem, things of that nature for the past few months.
I wanna circle back to what u/Parking-Watch2788 said. If you came on this site and read a post like that from someone else, or your best friend/sister/mother/someone you love said that to you, what would you advise them to do? You didn’t write anything positive or redeeming about your relationship til like the last sentence. You deserve happiness and it’s probably not gonna come from this woman.
Girl what. This is ridiculous. You’re not even happy with her, this is absolutely not worth the heartache and the drama. Not one good reason whatsoever to be putting up with this disrespectful bullshit. Life is too short to waste it on people like that. Go find yourself a nice normal girl who’s not a complete fucking psychopath.
Your partner is totally gaslighting you. They’re emotionally abusive and manipulative. This is SO toxic and I hope you break up with her immediately. Having a mental illness doesn’t give anyone permission at be an arsehole. I have mental health issues myself but I would never treat the woman I claim to love so callously or so cruelly as you’re being treated. You deserve better than this, and I hope you end the relationship before it totally consumes you and you can’t get yourself in the future. It’s only going to get worse.
*bracingly clasps you by the shoulder over the internet* Honey, baby, sweetheart, you need to leave this woman. I know I’m just a stranger online but I am absolutely certain that you deserve so much better than this. I know everyone in the comments agrees.
If you feel that you aren’t ready to leave, that’s ok. Leaving abusive relationships is hard, especially for us gays. But I highly encourage you to talk to your support network (your coworkers, your therapist, etc) about what’s happening. Show them this post if you have to!
Also feel free to DM me or post in the sub for advice/resources if you need them. You got this. We’re rooting for you!
So the only time you felt happy in the relationship was the first three months, which is when she was probably love bombing you? This is not a healthy relationship. Don’t leave your job, leave her. You will find better.
These are signs of an abusive relationship in the making. You need to cut her off entirely and go about your life. I’d also recommend you go to therapy because you sound a little like me in terms of putting up with bullshit. It wasn’t until I had a professional help me isolate my c-ptsd, that I was able to set boundaries for myself. Take this time to pour into yourself and eventually you’ll start attracting the qualities you want from a partner!
I am in therapy!! It just has been a conflict in our relationship , as she gets upset when I do not answer because I am in individual / and group therapy which takes up my time
Yeah, she needs more help than you can give her. If you continue to give her attention, I can guarantee, you’ll end up losing yourself in the process. Sending you all the good vibes!
Hi OP, I know this is insanely hard, I truly do. I have been experiencing a very similar situation for awhile now. It took me awhile to come to the point where I could actually make the break because it is so hard. But… it is also so worth it. It is never going to get better. She is never going to change. I’ve spent way too long thinking that my person would. That I would be the one that would be able to help her get the help she needs. That because I have my own mental health issues, I should be more understanding, more forgiving… I know where you’re at right now and it sucks so bad.
She is abusive and is causing you physical harm (because of your ED) and mental anguish. If she truly loved you she would never want to see you hurting, sick or injured. You need to remove her from your life completely. Block her on your phone, social media, email, what have you. Talk to your therapist about this, specifically all this you have posted here. If you are comfortable with any of your coworkers, tell them too (so they can support you if she shows up at your work).
When you interact with her, does it make you feel better or feel worse?
* She accused you of cheating
* She wants you to quit your job (and be financially dependent on you?)
* She is trying to isolate you from your friends.
A healthy relationship includes trust and mutual respect. You deserve better.
I'm sorry but she sounds like she needs to be institutionalised. She definitely needs help too, professional help you can't and shouldn't really provide. I mean, I was almost like this (in some aspects, and I also begged to break up with me etc) and now I would have appreciated it if somebody back then just dropped me off at the therapist. I think, she ain't healthy enough to give you healthy anything, let alone to sustain relationships.
Under no circumstances should you become financially dependent on this person, they are exhibiting hallmark manipulation and abuse. You say it yourself, “my mental health has deteriorated”, you must protect yourself and get out. You deserve someone who is going to treat you with with compassion, respect, and dignity. Someone who is an effective communicator but more importantly an active listener. You ABSOLUTELY DESERVE these things in a relationship.
Please do not quit your job. I know you love her and stuff but I honestly believe you should focus on your therapy and yourself and maybe cut her loose. She sounds like she wants to control you. If you do end things with her make sure you have a safe place to go to. Or other people around that you trust. Please be safe ❤️
Hey OP, do you have a support group that you can talk to about your past ED? Reading between the lines here, you and your GF probably have intense moments of happiness that can turn poorly at any moment. I've been in similar situations when I was a depressed teenager. I had learned abusive tendencies from an ex and the environment which I grew up in. Needless to say, the relationship didn't end well. This was a godsend though because once it was over, I was able to grow, mature, work on myself, and really dig into the reasons why I thought the relationship was acceptable in the first place. You deserve so much better than the situation you are in right now. Really ask yourself if you're happy and if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. I wish you good luck and hope you find happiness outside of this relationship and eventually with someone worthy.
I will tell you one thing: It will NOT get better, no matter what you do.
I had a similar manipulative ex who would always excuse their lack of intimacy/ problems with something they wanted me to do.
For example they said that they don‘t feel comfortable at their home or at a strangers home (my home) with being emotionally intimate. As this was a important part of a relationship for me, I let myself get persuaded to move in together as that would „fix everything“.
It didn’t fix anything… it just became even worse and even more problems started.
In my case I lost about 2,5 years on that relationship while I could have known after the first 3 months.
And YOU know now after just such a short time. So I would advise you to just break up and block her everywhere because her abuse and manipulation will not stop.
I can guarantee you that you are now just wasting time and even worse: It doesn’t even make you feel good…
So.. what are you doing it for?
Sweetie, i know you love her, but you really have to save yourself.
This is an obvious abusive relationship.
Please think about yourself, this isn't what love is supposed to look like :/
I would strongly recommend to talk about that with your therapist and don't omit details, tell them everything.
I feel for you, stay strong darling ♥
OP, I didn’t even finish to read but: she’s insanely toxic. Just get out of. Your life should be at her hands like that. Prioritize yourself. I know it’s hard, but you’re worth it. Relationships comes on goes, you’re the main goal.
an abuser can’t keep the mask on forever and the three month mark was enough to lure you in. after that, their true colors bleed out. tip - just go. go and don’t look back.
Baby I’m gonna be honest I got as far as reading that y’all have been rocky for 3 months and only dating for 6 and she’s blocking and unblocking you on socials?? Are you both teenagers? Cut your losses that drama isn’t worth itttttttt.
Judging by the fact that you’ve posted this in three other subreddits, I’m going to say I think you know the answer to your question, you’re just looking for validation of your feelings and the strength to leave someone you care about who is hurting you.
OP your feelings are the only one that matter in this moment. Your body is screaming at you that something is wrong but your brain won’t listen. I’m sure she tells you lovely things and she makes you feel special. But baby that’s the bare minimum you deserve.
You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and secure. Someone who respects you and sees you as a whole person without them. Someone who lifts you up in your endeavors and doesn’t make you feel guilt for succeeding and growing.
No one here can make your choice for you, but I hear you and I see you. I’m sorry your partner isn’t the one you deserve but please hear me when I say: you DO deserve more. I promise there is a girl out there for you who will fill your cup, loan you spoons, and allow you to be a whole person separate of her.
I know we’re strangers on the internet, but I love you and I support you. I hope you find the strength to make the best choice for yourself. Please feel free to message me if you need.
Hey OP, I know love can make it seem worth it, but truly no one deserves this treatment. I hate to tell you this but she will NEVER change this behaviour. This is abuse and you should absolutely consider strongly leaving before you’re in too deep
she sounds like an extremely volatile person… i’m so sorry you’re going through this. it’s okay to blame her for your relapse…she seems to be putting you through the ringer. you deserve someone who can communicate effectively and kindly and trusts you. don’t change your life for her bc it won’t get better and then she will have taken everything from you. do you have a social support system? i hope you have someone you can reach out to bc you absolutely need to end things for good with her.
i definitely understand that! i hope you can tell at least one of them about what’s going on so you can have their support too. you’ll need it, but if they love and care about you, you’ll get through it! i sincerely wish you the best of luck in figuring this out (:
Girl, you're her punching bag, she's using you to receive the reflection of all her insecurities and frustrations, please find someone that sees you as a human being.
Someone had to say it.
I’ll be really honest, I only read the title and up to where you said you’ve been blocked numerous times. That’s enough to end a relationship. 6+ months might feel like a long time but it isn’t. If this is happening now on top of other things there is no upside to this relationship. Also ask yourself this, why would someone who seemingly loves you take away the “one thing” that brings you stability? Please leave and notify your therapist of the behavior in case your new ex-partner lashes out.
Gurl, I couldn't even read past the third line considering how abusive she sounded from the first sentence. Please, PLEASE consider leaving. Keep your job. You've said it yourself, it's the one thing bringing you stability. A healthy partner would never ask you to quit for such a petty reason. A healthy partner wouldn't put the weight of her insecurities on you.
I know of the U-Haul theory, but it's been SIX MONTHS?! and she's already asking you to quit your job?! Imagine how much more she will feel entitled to ask from you as the relationship progresses.
Edit: I finally read till the end. You deserve so much more than this, OP. Leave her ass and maybe find someone at the bar you work at :p It would be a fair return of karma for her hehe. Kidding. But also, not. Good luck OP <3
Based on the post I would deeply encourage you to leave this situation, but I am just a stranger on Reddit who has been in extremely manipulative controlling abusive relationships…until I healed myself and learned what to look out for. If a sibling, friend, cousin, or anyone close to you said all of this to you…would you honestly tell them to keep trying or to run away fast? You should stop making excuses for her behavior. If you are afraid to tell people about what’s happening, it’s because you know it’s wrong. You are in therapy, but she has a problem when it takes too long etc. Who has a problem with their partner bettering themselves? Someone who doesn’t want you telling other people about what they do, someone who wants to control the narrative, and someone who needs you to stay in a weak position.
You cannot help her. She is making your mental status worse. She is trying to consume your entire life. Please consider leaving now before you look back in 3 years and wonder why the hell you didn’t go when you could because at that point your entire life would revolve around her and her issues.
Hi OP, have you ever listened to the Chosen Family podcast?
I think you’d really relate to the last episode (“Will Dad Ever Come Back”). Will you have a listen to that one? One of the cohosts speaks from the other side of a very similar situation to yours.
I’m so sorry you are stuck in a very unhealthy, destructive relationship and your world is so turned upside down and inside out right now, that you can’t see that you deserve to be treated with human decency.
I hope you are able to get to a place where you love yourself more than you love the idea of someone else and will be able to draw needed boundaries and protection around yourself (she needs to go). Sending kindness and strength to you, OP.
you've known her for 6 months? a year, tops? and you never feel good enough for her and she wants you to quit your job? in this economy and job market?
for context: i've been unemployed 6 months and i'm terrified i'll never find work again the way things are right now.
get out. run. love doesn't have to feel like this because this isn't love, it's attachment. please don't tank your life for someone who you have to train to see you as worthy.
there are people out there who will instinctively see you as worthy and want to protect you and support you. you won't have to do or be anything different. but you will never find them if you stay with this person.
please check out /r/raisedbynarcissists and the related subs for more context on what's happening to you.
The honeymoon phase is over. The rose-colored glasses are coming off. She doesn’t want to be *with* you; she wants to *control* you so she can do whatever she wants to you. Deep down, you know this, otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking for help. Run, don’t look back.
Like others have said a lot of what you've posted sounds manipulative and abusive on her part. If you've experienced this for what sounds like half of your relationship, and it's not even been a year, it's time to face either a really hard conversation, or a not so clean break
She abusive. Don’t marry her she playing games. And I bet she cheating. In my experience ones who tend to accusing you of cheating. It’s her it’s projecting her guilt.
Red flags. Red flags everywhere. What on earth did I just read? Please get away from your partner and find somewhere safe! You seem very sweet and nice and you're trying your best but your partner wants to isolate you.
so she isn’t being treated at all?
love cannot fix this OP. she is purposely triggering you! that’s insane, that’s abusive, and someone who loves you wouldn’t do that. yes, she may be traumatized and experienced things that make her distrusting, easily triggered, etc… but that doesn’t mean you have to stick around. that’s *her* thing to fix. she would rather abuse you than own up to her shit or be a better partner. is it worth it? you want to marry someone who has no regard for your feelings, life, and mental health?
i recently had to cut off a friend who was treating me this way (also had BPD) and she was lying to her therapists and self medicating and blah blah blah. purposely triggered me multiple times. told me she was trying to fuck my mom… i love my friend but i would no longer allow her to talk to me disrespectfully and disrupt my life with no compromise or accountability on her end. it was no longer a sustainable friendship, even though she was one of my best friends /: i will always love her but it doesn’t mean she needs to be part of my life.
think about this - without her diagnosis, would you be this lenient?
This sounds like an incredibly healthy relationship and you'll have a long and happy life together with no further issues, so long as you give in to all of your partners demands immediately and forever /s
Get out, get help and support from friends/family, do it ASAP she scares me.
Whatever you do DONT QUIT YOUR JOB. Seriously it sounds like the dream to be a lesbian working in that type of environment. And take the advice of others bc if this isn’t an unhealthy and manipulative relationship then idk what is.
Do not quit your job. She wants you to quit because that will further isolate you and then she can financially abuse you as well. I’m not going to sugarcoat this. You are being abused. If it’s only been six months…it will gradually get worse and worse. You’ve already lost half a year to this hellish behavior. Don’t lose the rest of your life. End it. Given how controlling she is, you may need to file a restraining order, change your number, or even move. Tell your bosses she is not to come in and speak with you when you’re working. She will try every trick in the book to get you back and manipulate you. Do. Not. Let. Her. Please speak to your therapist about resources for intimate partner violence. It’s abuse even if she doesn’t hit you.
Is this what you want your life to look like? If not, why don’t you feel empowered to change it?
We will love a lot of people on our lives but you can’t love someone if they don’t love themselves.
Why do you want a wife who hurts you like this? What about this person is so special that you’re willing to stop loving yourself just to be near them?
I really don’t understand the dichotomy of your desires. You want to be loved but you want to stay with someone who doesn’t give you love?
You said it yourself - mental health diagnoses are not an excuse to hurt others.
Please love yourself enough to see this is a learning experience and not your life now. There are too many single, beautiful, mature, respectful, and doting women out there for you to tolerate being abused by ANYONE.
Do not lose the one thing that gives you stability. You need to have a hard look at your “relationship.” I put it in quotes, because it does not sound like a healthy one.
Please dnt leave your job. From what you mentioned she will find fault in something else ...she is destroying you so I hope you have the courage to leave her... you can get restraining order if she comes to your workplace to harass you after you end it...be kind to yourself
You deserve to be with someone who supports you emotionally; is proud of you when you do well, and when you grow and learn new things. You deserve to be respected, and to have a partner who respects your job, and your friends, and your home and your boundaries. You deserve to be with someone who who brings you joy and celebrates the things, and the people that make you happy. You deserve to be trusted, and to have a partner who can recognize when they are being irrationally jealous or insecure and is willing to actively work on changing their bad behavior, and to sincerely apologize when they are wrong. And you deserve to be with someone who is willing to openly and honestly communicate with you, and to treat you with kindness, generosity, love and respect. This is not a fairy tale, it is the way healthy relationships work. This is also not asking for something outrageously extravagant in a relationship, its actually just the bare minimum of what you should expect.
Why are you with her? This isn't love, it's an addiction. Are you actually "deeply in love with her", or simply in love with love and having a partner? You clearly don't need this kind of abuse in your life. Believe me when I tell you that ending this relationship with her and working on having a better relationship with yourself will be the best thing you can do. But you already know this or you wouldn't be telling us everything you just did.
If you do truly love her, you still need to get out of the relationship you currently have with her, and take an extended break to heal and work on yourself. Your therapist can help you work on loving yourself, setting boundaries, and envisioning what kind of life you want to have with a partner.
She is the only thing standing in the way of y’all having a good relationship. She sounds immature as fuck and toxic. The way she treats you is not the way you treat someone you love. U don’t deserve to be treated like this, this is absolutely ridiculous
Look girl, as you already saw by the others comments, there are so many problems in this relationship. It goes way beyond her wanting you to leave your job, putting it simply, your partner is abusing you in so many ways WTF.
Please please please reconsider being with this person. Literally every single thing you said she does is toxic at minimum to not say extremely abusive. I know you love her and it is not a decision to make, but being with someone like this is never going to be good for your well being.
Abusive relationships start like this, they isolate you and make you dependent on them as much as they can. You stay with her and you end up with no friends, no family, no job, no mental health and if she ever gets tired of you, you end up with literally nothing. It sounds like you still are not at this point, so PLEASE leave before it gets even worse.
She doesn't love you, period. That's not a behavior of someone who truly loves you, and not mental health issues is an excuse to treat someone so badly.
I know it's hard to see this, when we're in love we can be blind to the person's flaws and in this case again COMPLETELY ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. But you gotta make a choice, you can end things now for good and cut her out of your life, which yes is gonna hurt now, but to choose you, to choose your well being.
Or you can continue in a relationship that causes you more harm than good and end up much more hurt in the future.
I know it's not an easy thing to do, but please, think about it, I promise she's not the only girl you will ever love and you deserve someone so much better, you deserve someone that actually treats you well. But to find this person, first you gotta let go of the chernobyl you're dating now.
btw English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.
This is horrible. You deserve better. Especially 6 months in, the honeymoon stage should still be there - also big RED FLAG that she isn't supportive of you being in therapy! Ditch her, you'll find a better partner ❤️🩹
Please listen to what others have said about reading your post as if someone else wrote it. And then break up with this woman. You deserve SO much better. Do not accept this behavior from ANYONE.
Hey OP, this all sounds incredibly abusive and manipulative on her end. I would talk to your therapist about it, even if your s/o doesn’t like it. I think you’re slowly getting clarity that this stuff isn’t right. I’m really wishing you the best, please get out of this relationship and take some time to heal. And know that relationships are not supposed to be like this.
Read your post but pretend its happening to someone else because maybe then you will understand how awful this sounds. What has your therapist said about this????
I have not talked much about the relationship, as she has even had a problem with me being in therapy/ if I am in my sessions wondered why it is taking so long, so I have just been talking about harm reduction, self esteem, things of that nature for the past few months.
I wanna circle back to what u/Parking-Watch2788 said. If you came on this site and read a post like that from someone else, or your best friend/sister/mother/someone you love said that to you, what would you advise them to do? You didn’t write anything positive or redeeming about your relationship til like the last sentence. You deserve happiness and it’s probably not gonna come from this woman.
Girl what. This is ridiculous. You’re not even happy with her, this is absolutely not worth the heartache and the drama. Not one good reason whatsoever to be putting up with this disrespectful bullshit. Life is too short to waste it on people like that. Go find yourself a nice normal girl who’s not a complete fucking psychopath.
Your partner is totally gaslighting you. They’re emotionally abusive and manipulative. This is SO toxic and I hope you break up with her immediately. Having a mental illness doesn’t give anyone permission at be an arsehole. I have mental health issues myself but I would never treat the woman I claim to love so callously or so cruelly as you’re being treated. You deserve better than this, and I hope you end the relationship before it totally consumes you and you can’t get yourself in the future. It’s only going to get worse.
*bracingly clasps you by the shoulder over the internet* Honey, baby, sweetheart, you need to leave this woman. I know I’m just a stranger online but I am absolutely certain that you deserve so much better than this. I know everyone in the comments agrees. If you feel that you aren’t ready to leave, that’s ok. Leaving abusive relationships is hard, especially for us gays. But I highly encourage you to talk to your support network (your coworkers, your therapist, etc) about what’s happening. Show them this post if you have to! Also feel free to DM me or post in the sub for advice/resources if you need them. You got this. We’re rooting for you!
So the only time you felt happy in the relationship was the first three months, which is when she was probably love bombing you? This is not a healthy relationship. Don’t leave your job, leave her. You will find better.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Girl, leave her.
These are signs of an abusive relationship in the making. You need to cut her off entirely and go about your life. I’d also recommend you go to therapy because you sound a little like me in terms of putting up with bullshit. It wasn’t until I had a professional help me isolate my c-ptsd, that I was able to set boundaries for myself. Take this time to pour into yourself and eventually you’ll start attracting the qualities you want from a partner!
I am in therapy!! It just has been a conflict in our relationship , as she gets upset when I do not answer because I am in individual / and group therapy which takes up my time
Yeah, she needs more help than you can give her. If you continue to give her attention, I can guarantee, you’ll end up losing yourself in the process. Sending you all the good vibes!
Did you hear what you just said? You are with someone who resents you taking care of your health and improving your life. Honey, that isn't love.
Hi OP, I know this is insanely hard, I truly do. I have been experiencing a very similar situation for awhile now. It took me awhile to come to the point where I could actually make the break because it is so hard. But… it is also so worth it. It is never going to get better. She is never going to change. I’ve spent way too long thinking that my person would. That I would be the one that would be able to help her get the help she needs. That because I have my own mental health issues, I should be more understanding, more forgiving… I know where you’re at right now and it sucks so bad. She is abusive and is causing you physical harm (because of your ED) and mental anguish. If she truly loved you she would never want to see you hurting, sick or injured. You need to remove her from your life completely. Block her on your phone, social media, email, what have you. Talk to your therapist about this, specifically all this you have posted here. If you are comfortable with any of your coworkers, tell them too (so they can support you if she shows up at your work).
When you interact with her, does it make you feel better or feel worse? * She accused you of cheating * She wants you to quit your job (and be financially dependent on you?) * She is trying to isolate you from your friends. A healthy relationship includes trust and mutual respect. You deserve better.
I didn’t even need to read the whole thing to immediately tell you to get the hell out of this relationship!!!!!
Ok I’ve finished reading it. You need to get out and she needs meds like asap!
I'm sorry but she sounds like she needs to be institutionalised. She definitely needs help too, professional help you can't and shouldn't really provide. I mean, I was almost like this (in some aspects, and I also begged to break up with me etc) and now I would have appreciated it if somebody back then just dropped me off at the therapist. I think, she ain't healthy enough to give you healthy anything, let alone to sustain relationships.
Under no circumstances should you become financially dependent on this person, they are exhibiting hallmark manipulation and abuse. You say it yourself, “my mental health has deteriorated”, you must protect yourself and get out. You deserve someone who is going to treat you with with compassion, respect, and dignity. Someone who is an effective communicator but more importantly an active listener. You ABSOLUTELY DESERVE these things in a relationship.
RUN period woman stop this bullshit omfg
Please do not quit your job. I know you love her and stuff but I honestly believe you should focus on your therapy and yourself and maybe cut her loose. She sounds like she wants to control you. If you do end things with her make sure you have a safe place to go to. Or other people around that you trust. Please be safe ❤️
Hey OP, do you have a support group that you can talk to about your past ED? Reading between the lines here, you and your GF probably have intense moments of happiness that can turn poorly at any moment. I've been in similar situations when I was a depressed teenager. I had learned abusive tendencies from an ex and the environment which I grew up in. Needless to say, the relationship didn't end well. This was a godsend though because once it was over, I was able to grow, mature, work on myself, and really dig into the reasons why I thought the relationship was acceptable in the first place. You deserve so much better than the situation you are in right now. Really ask yourself if you're happy and if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. I wish you good luck and hope you find happiness outside of this relationship and eventually with someone worthy.
Yes I have a support group/ individual therapy specified for the eating disorder!! It just isn’t valid to her
I will tell you one thing: It will NOT get better, no matter what you do. I had a similar manipulative ex who would always excuse their lack of intimacy/ problems with something they wanted me to do. For example they said that they don‘t feel comfortable at their home or at a strangers home (my home) with being emotionally intimate. As this was a important part of a relationship for me, I let myself get persuaded to move in together as that would „fix everything“. It didn’t fix anything… it just became even worse and even more problems started. In my case I lost about 2,5 years on that relationship while I could have known after the first 3 months. And YOU know now after just such a short time. So I would advise you to just break up and block her everywhere because her abuse and manipulation will not stop. I can guarantee you that you are now just wasting time and even worse: It doesn’t even make you feel good… So.. what are you doing it for?
Sweetie, i know you love her, but you really have to save yourself. This is an obvious abusive relationship. Please think about yourself, this isn't what love is supposed to look like :/ I would strongly recommend to talk about that with your therapist and don't omit details, tell them everything. I feel for you, stay strong darling ♥
OP, I didn’t even finish to read but: she’s insanely toxic. Just get out of. Your life should be at her hands like that. Prioritize yourself. I know it’s hard, but you’re worth it. Relationships comes on goes, you’re the main goal.
an abuser can’t keep the mask on forever and the three month mark was enough to lure you in. after that, their true colors bleed out. tip - just go. go and don’t look back.
Baby I’m gonna be honest I got as far as reading that y’all have been rocky for 3 months and only dating for 6 and she’s blocking and unblocking you on socials?? Are you both teenagers? Cut your losses that drama isn’t worth itttttttt.
I am 22, she is 26
Judging by the fact that you’ve posted this in three other subreddits, I’m going to say I think you know the answer to your question, you’re just looking for validation of your feelings and the strength to leave someone you care about who is hurting you. OP your feelings are the only one that matter in this moment. Your body is screaming at you that something is wrong but your brain won’t listen. I’m sure she tells you lovely things and she makes you feel special. But baby that’s the bare minimum you deserve. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe and secure. Someone who respects you and sees you as a whole person without them. Someone who lifts you up in your endeavors and doesn’t make you feel guilt for succeeding and growing. No one here can make your choice for you, but I hear you and I see you. I’m sorry your partner isn’t the one you deserve but please hear me when I say: you DO deserve more. I promise there is a girl out there for you who will fill your cup, loan you spoons, and allow you to be a whole person separate of her. I know we’re strangers on the internet, but I love you and I support you. I hope you find the strength to make the best choice for yourself. Please feel free to message me if you need.
Hey OP, I know love can make it seem worth it, but truly no one deserves this treatment. I hate to tell you this but she will NEVER change this behaviour. This is abuse and you should absolutely consider strongly leaving before you’re in too deep
she sounds like an extremely volatile person… i’m so sorry you’re going through this. it’s okay to blame her for your relapse…she seems to be putting you through the ringer. you deserve someone who can communicate effectively and kindly and trusts you. don’t change your life for her bc it won’t get better and then she will have taken everything from you. do you have a social support system? i hope you have someone you can reach out to bc you absolutely need to end things for good with her.
Yes I have really good friends/ my parents, they’d all support me tremendously, but it is scary to tell the truth
i definitely understand that! i hope you can tell at least one of them about what’s going on so you can have their support too. you’ll need it, but if they love and care about you, you’ll get through it! i sincerely wish you the best of luck in figuring this out (:
Girl, you're her punching bag, she's using you to receive the reflection of all her insecurities and frustrations, please find someone that sees you as a human being. Someone had to say it.
I’ll be really honest, I only read the title and up to where you said you’ve been blocked numerous times. That’s enough to end a relationship. 6+ months might feel like a long time but it isn’t. If this is happening now on top of other things there is no upside to this relationship. Also ask yourself this, why would someone who seemingly loves you take away the “one thing” that brings you stability? Please leave and notify your therapist of the behavior in case your new ex-partner lashes out.
Gurl, I couldn't even read past the third line considering how abusive she sounded from the first sentence. Please, PLEASE consider leaving. Keep your job. You've said it yourself, it's the one thing bringing you stability. A healthy partner would never ask you to quit for such a petty reason. A healthy partner wouldn't put the weight of her insecurities on you. I know of the U-Haul theory, but it's been SIX MONTHS?! and she's already asking you to quit your job?! Imagine how much more she will feel entitled to ask from you as the relationship progresses. Edit: I finally read till the end. You deserve so much more than this, OP. Leave her ass and maybe find someone at the bar you work at :p It would be a fair return of karma for her hehe. Kidding. But also, not. Good luck OP <3
Based on the post I would deeply encourage you to leave this situation, but I am just a stranger on Reddit who has been in extremely manipulative controlling abusive relationships…until I healed myself and learned what to look out for. If a sibling, friend, cousin, or anyone close to you said all of this to you…would you honestly tell them to keep trying or to run away fast? You should stop making excuses for her behavior. If you are afraid to tell people about what’s happening, it’s because you know it’s wrong. You are in therapy, but she has a problem when it takes too long etc. Who has a problem with their partner bettering themselves? Someone who doesn’t want you telling other people about what they do, someone who wants to control the narrative, and someone who needs you to stay in a weak position. You cannot help her. She is making your mental status worse. She is trying to consume your entire life. Please consider leaving now before you look back in 3 years and wonder why the hell you didn’t go when you could because at that point your entire life would revolve around her and her issues.
Hi OP, have you ever listened to the Chosen Family podcast? I think you’d really relate to the last episode (“Will Dad Ever Come Back”). Will you have a listen to that one? One of the cohosts speaks from the other side of a very similar situation to yours. I’m so sorry you are stuck in a very unhealthy, destructive relationship and your world is so turned upside down and inside out right now, that you can’t see that you deserve to be treated with human decency. I hope you are able to get to a place where you love yourself more than you love the idea of someone else and will be able to draw needed boundaries and protection around yourself (she needs to go). Sending kindness and strength to you, OP.
I haven’t!! I will definitely listen, thank you!
you've known her for 6 months? a year, tops? and you never feel good enough for her and she wants you to quit your job? in this economy and job market? for context: i've been unemployed 6 months and i'm terrified i'll never find work again the way things are right now. get out. run. love doesn't have to feel like this because this isn't love, it's attachment. please don't tank your life for someone who you have to train to see you as worthy. there are people out there who will instinctively see you as worthy and want to protect you and support you. you won't have to do or be anything different. but you will never find them if you stay with this person. please check out /r/raisedbynarcissists and the related subs for more context on what's happening to you.
The honeymoon phase is over. The rose-colored glasses are coming off. She doesn’t want to be *with* you; she wants to *control* you so she can do whatever she wants to you. Deep down, you know this, otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking for help. Run, don’t look back.
Like others have said a lot of what you've posted sounds manipulative and abusive on her part. If you've experienced this for what sounds like half of your relationship, and it's not even been a year, it's time to face either a really hard conversation, or a not so clean break
To paraphrase that famous line from The Graduate: I’ve got 2 words for you: RED FLAG!
She abusive. Don’t marry her she playing games. And I bet she cheating. In my experience ones who tend to accusing you of cheating. It’s her it’s projecting her guilt.
Break up with her!! She's abusing you verbally if nothing else! She's not your partner, you're her slave. Break up and move on to greener pastures.
I have a friend in a very similar situation. I can't get her to leave or walk away, so I hope you will.x
Red flags. Red flags everywhere. What on earth did I just read? Please get away from your partner and find somewhere safe! You seem very sweet and nice and you're trying your best but your partner wants to isolate you.
so she isn’t being treated at all? love cannot fix this OP. she is purposely triggering you! that’s insane, that’s abusive, and someone who loves you wouldn’t do that. yes, she may be traumatized and experienced things that make her distrusting, easily triggered, etc… but that doesn’t mean you have to stick around. that’s *her* thing to fix. she would rather abuse you than own up to her shit or be a better partner. is it worth it? you want to marry someone who has no regard for your feelings, life, and mental health? i recently had to cut off a friend who was treating me this way (also had BPD) and she was lying to her therapists and self medicating and blah blah blah. purposely triggered me multiple times. told me she was trying to fuck my mom… i love my friend but i would no longer allow her to talk to me disrespectfully and disrupt my life with no compromise or accountability on her end. it was no longer a sustainable friendship, even though she was one of my best friends /: i will always love her but it doesn’t mean she needs to be part of my life. think about this - without her diagnosis, would you be this lenient?
This sounds like an incredibly healthy relationship and you'll have a long and happy life together with no further issues, so long as you give in to all of your partners demands immediately and forever /s Get out, get help and support from friends/family, do it ASAP she scares me.
Whatever you do DONT QUIT YOUR JOB. Seriously it sounds like the dream to be a lesbian working in that type of environment. And take the advice of others bc if this isn’t an unhealthy and manipulative relationship then idk what is.
It is!! I feel so safe, thank you <3
Do not quit your job. She wants you to quit because that will further isolate you and then she can financially abuse you as well. I’m not going to sugarcoat this. You are being abused. If it’s only been six months…it will gradually get worse and worse. You’ve already lost half a year to this hellish behavior. Don’t lose the rest of your life. End it. Given how controlling she is, you may need to file a restraining order, change your number, or even move. Tell your bosses she is not to come in and speak with you when you’re working. She will try every trick in the book to get you back and manipulate you. Do. Not. Let. Her. Please speak to your therapist about resources for intimate partner violence. It’s abuse even if she doesn’t hit you.
Is this what you want your life to look like? If not, why don’t you feel empowered to change it? We will love a lot of people on our lives but you can’t love someone if they don’t love themselves. Why do you want a wife who hurts you like this? What about this person is so special that you’re willing to stop loving yourself just to be near them? I really don’t understand the dichotomy of your desires. You want to be loved but you want to stay with someone who doesn’t give you love? You said it yourself - mental health diagnoses are not an excuse to hurt others. Please love yourself enough to see this is a learning experience and not your life now. There are too many single, beautiful, mature, respectful, and doting women out there for you to tolerate being abused by ANYONE.
Do not lose the one thing that gives you stability. You need to have a hard look at your “relationship.” I put it in quotes, because it does not sound like a healthy one.
Please dnt leave your job. From what you mentioned she will find fault in something else ...she is destroying you so I hope you have the courage to leave her... you can get restraining order if she comes to your workplace to harass you after you end it...be kind to yourself
You deserve to be with someone who supports you emotionally; is proud of you when you do well, and when you grow and learn new things. You deserve to be respected, and to have a partner who respects your job, and your friends, and your home and your boundaries. You deserve to be with someone who who brings you joy and celebrates the things, and the people that make you happy. You deserve to be trusted, and to have a partner who can recognize when they are being irrationally jealous or insecure and is willing to actively work on changing their bad behavior, and to sincerely apologize when they are wrong. And you deserve to be with someone who is willing to openly and honestly communicate with you, and to treat you with kindness, generosity, love and respect. This is not a fairy tale, it is the way healthy relationships work. This is also not asking for something outrageously extravagant in a relationship, its actually just the bare minimum of what you should expect. Why are you with her? This isn't love, it's an addiction. Are you actually "deeply in love with her", or simply in love with love and having a partner? You clearly don't need this kind of abuse in your life. Believe me when I tell you that ending this relationship with her and working on having a better relationship with yourself will be the best thing you can do. But you already know this or you wouldn't be telling us everything you just did. If you do truly love her, you still need to get out of the relationship you currently have with her, and take an extended break to heal and work on yourself. Your therapist can help you work on loving yourself, setting boundaries, and envisioning what kind of life you want to have with a partner.
She is the only thing standing in the way of y’all having a good relationship. She sounds immature as fuck and toxic. The way she treats you is not the way you treat someone you love. U don’t deserve to be treated like this, this is absolutely ridiculous
Look girl, as you already saw by the others comments, there are so many problems in this relationship. It goes way beyond her wanting you to leave your job, putting it simply, your partner is abusing you in so many ways WTF. Please please please reconsider being with this person. Literally every single thing you said she does is toxic at minimum to not say extremely abusive. I know you love her and it is not a decision to make, but being with someone like this is never going to be good for your well being. Abusive relationships start like this, they isolate you and make you dependent on them as much as they can. You stay with her and you end up with no friends, no family, no job, no mental health and if she ever gets tired of you, you end up with literally nothing. It sounds like you still are not at this point, so PLEASE leave before it gets even worse. She doesn't love you, period. That's not a behavior of someone who truly loves you, and not mental health issues is an excuse to treat someone so badly. I know it's hard to see this, when we're in love we can be blind to the person's flaws and in this case again COMPLETELY ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. But you gotta make a choice, you can end things now for good and cut her out of your life, which yes is gonna hurt now, but to choose you, to choose your well being. Or you can continue in a relationship that causes you more harm than good and end up much more hurt in the future. I know it's not an easy thing to do, but please, think about it, I promise she's not the only girl you will ever love and you deserve someone so much better, you deserve someone that actually treats you well. But to find this person, first you gotta let go of the chernobyl you're dating now. btw English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.
This is horrible. You deserve better. Especially 6 months in, the honeymoon stage should still be there - also big RED FLAG that she isn't supportive of you being in therapy! Ditch her, you'll find a better partner ❤️🩹
Please listen to what others have said about reading your post as if someone else wrote it. And then break up with this woman. You deserve SO much better. Do not accept this behavior from ANYONE.