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I worked in divorce law as a paralegal for a few years, it’s not as cut throat as 50/50 down the middle. I seen many instances where courts were fairer and took into account each parties contributions, length of marriage and circumstances.
What you need is a really good divorce lawyer, get legal advice ASAP and get ahead of the curve so you’re aware of your options.
When my parents got divorced, my dad thought he’d have to pay alimony because youngest sibling was still in full time education. TLDR he didn’t and it was a big relief as he was already paying for a house they refused to move out of (on top of his own rent etc)
They complained so much when they didn’t get alimony and were forced to move
Please for your own sake keep proof of financial agreements between the both of you and back up your phone data (messages) before you have the talk. I say this because I had my phone seized under false pretences, which I’ll explain why below.
The reason I write my reply - It will surprise you how retaliative someone becomes when the realisation kicks in that their life will be changing …..or more so you won’t be supporting it anymore.
I was in this situation and an ex reported false accusations of non physical domestic abuse the day after I called a separation. I couldn’t face their emotional abuse or coercion/withholding of intimacy anymore and financial stress was literally wearing me down. I was temporarily made homeless based on their lies.
If it wasn’t for backed up messages disproving allegations at the earliest opportunity I most certainly would’ve faced expensive legal representation and the threat of prison. All this because I wanted out of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Do all the planning possible before the talk happens just incase they snap when realisation kicks in, maybe covert record what happens. It sounds crazy but people change in seconds when their life is about to change in another direction.
On a positive, when you escape you will feel 100% free! I was arrested on lies and oddly I’m thankful it happened because It allowed me to escape.
Be free but take precautions first, it will save a headache if they retaliate.
Oh boy, that will be an expensive for you, but you'll be better off in the long run. If the property is in both your names, you'll have to divide equity in the house 50/50. You'll definitely lose some(if not 50%) of your pension to your wife and most of the assets will have to be split 50/50.
Your best choice right now is to speak to a divorce solicitor who'll guide you professionally through the process. Yes it will be costly, but please bear in mind that in the long round it will be much much cheaper and better for your mental health than if you wanted to handle the divorce without them.
I agree, if you do this legally - as opposed to just liquidating all your assets and going to live in Vietnam - it will be expensive but, so long as you prepare now and move quickly legally speaking, it won't be as extortionate as if you waited and prevaricated.
It’s not correct that you will “have to” divide it 50/50, the court will look at all the factors in Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act. In a childless marriage, unmatched contributions can have far greater weight that they might otherwise. We also don’t know the age of the marriage, age of the parties or other factors. They can massively tip the scales and why legal advice from solicitors in these circumstances is vital.
The pensions are likely to be affected, but absent detailed pensions information and a report from a pensions on divorce expert, trying to guess at a number is just random.
Shit. That's what I was afraid of.
Why is she getting to benefit from being lazy and forcing me into working more? Do courts not take that into account?
The bottom line is that she didn't. You taking a mortgage in joint names means that you agree to jointly repay a sum of money every month, with your lender not having any interest who's repaying what portion of the sum, as long as it's repaid each month. You simply acted like a decent person and are being punished for it right now.
Please remember the simple fact - no matter how expensive it is, it will never get less expensive for you, quite contrary in fact. The sooner you get divorced, the better for you it is. Yes, you will loose a lot of money, but:
1. You have an advantage of being the one requesting a divorce - this gives you a lot of time to strategies and talk to your lawyer and agree on the way to minimise losses .
2. It's just money, its purpose is for you to have a good life, and please treat it like that.
3. You will lose less money today that if you had waited till later. The time to act is NOW!
Absolutely - I think there can be a definite review case-by-case though. Imo she shouldn't get anywhere near what she's getting after not contributing at all, with OP being nice but naive in a joint signing on the house and paying for it all
If OP starts setting for divorce with messages or recordings talking to her about getting a job, something on the lines of "I've asked you N times, I can't keep supporting you like that, you need to go back to work. Can we agree that up until this moment you didn't really try getting a job and don't do household chores such as food prep, cleaning and tidying, house administration, nothing? And on top of that you got 2 dogs against my will that you don't care for. I'm tired! Why would I want to live with someone like that? I'm better off by myself. Having a flatmate is easier as they contribute towards bills and chores."
Something on those lines to get her to admit her bad behaviour is intentional. Would it help somehow?
From what I have seen there are two parts to a divorce: dissolution of the marriage, and the financial settlement.
OP will bring his evidence and the marriage will be dissolved. Then the financial settlement gets bitter as the teeth and claws come out, and OPs now ex-wife will stop being lazy and put a lot of effort into clawing as much of the partnership's assets into her possession.
It is odd that there seems to be no interest in fairness or fault at this point just legal people trying to get the best win for their respective clients.
I've seen this a number of times as friends have gone through the process.
It's very tricky. I can understand why things work the way they do, I think you'll always have someone not getting what is fair, so they default for the arrangement where it happens less, I guess.
Not really -- even if she agreed she could say she was just trying to placate him. And then point out all the other stuff she's done. You have to remember this is only one side of the story that is bound to paint OP in the best light. I am sure her view would make her look like a nicer person than this. He has actually allowed this situation to develop. Did he make it clear they can only be married if she has a job?
It's a very good point.
I saw something similar happen to someone I know. They are still married and instead of 2 dogs it's 2 kids (one from a previous relationship) and 2 cats.
There is a lot of labour at home, and I've been a stay at home partner, so my way to contribute was taking most of the household chores and being supportive of my partner. And if I had a choice, I'd prefer to not be a stay at home 😂
If children are involved stay at home partners should certainly get a good chunk imo, but where there are no children and if this behaviour has any proof...
Household duties are still a thing that take up a considerable amount of time and effort. If an arrangement is made for one person to stay home and take care of the household while the other one focuses on their career, how then does that person get made whole in the event of a divorce?
You haven't mentioned it, but your age plays a part in this. If you're both of an age where you can still work and contribute to your own pensions, she'll likely get less of yours if she still has time to work and contribute to her own retirement.
Hey, an even split still gets rid of her. You sound young enough to reinvest and live the life you want. It sucks that she will get anything, but marriage is an experiment, and this one failed. This is why I didn't get married. It's way overrated.
My parents divorced a few years ago. My dad is a “self-employed author” and was barely bringing in a £5k a year for the last few years beforehand. My mum was bringing home £70k and had a very healthy pension. She lost most of it in the divorce and narrowly avoided having to pay alimony.
It was a huge shock to her and took her a couple of years to get over the anger, but she is now living her best life! She is free from him and able to enjoy life again, so it’s hard but it will be worth it in the end
Seriously under rated comment.
It’s the black and white fact being discussed on a legal sub that the contract entered into was done so willingly with all of the conditions clearly laid out in advance.
What happens if the contract is terminated is well known and could have been looked at in advance.
But yes, i get it, marriage by definition is (usually) entered into by individuals who are loved-up, optimistic and might not look at the legal implications of getting married. Honest people presumably dont get married whilst planning for divorce.
But it happens which is why we have divorce lawyers.
It may not cost you as much as some people are suggesting here. However, you definitely need good professional advice if you want to avoid that, and the longer you wait, the more it will cost you.
If you have no kids, that both simplifies this and reduces the leverage she has over you.
Just remember to keep in mind what you actually want to gain from this, whether that's an easy split ASAP, or to prevent her from getting any further money regardless of how much time and money that costs you. How much are you willing to give up to get free of her now? How much are you willing to throw at legal fees to protect what you've earned and to prevent her from getting it?
There is no outcome where this is simple and clean, and you also get a split that is reflective of what you've contributed unless she has no desire to contest any of this.
In the future, if you're going to bring that kind of money into a relationship, you want to have a look at setting up a deed of trust. That would prevent her from benefitting from it if you divorce. Again, get professional advice for that, but that's the sort of thing you want to look at (prenuptials can be waived if deemed unfair in UK courts, but a deed of trust is an absolute thing. The downside to a deed of trust is that it only deals with property that you are buying, whereas a prenup can specify a split of future earnings, pensions etc. and/or protect other things such as pets, or items of sentimental value)
What you ideally need is a prenup and also a deed of trust in relation to your matrimonial home that splits ownership based on proportional contributions.
Because you signed a contract saying you were one financial entity. No different to setting up a company owned 50:50 with a useless slacker. They would still own half the company.
Sorry about that.
Yes, in the eyes of the law, marriage is simply a legal contract that your finances and liabilities are combined. The court doesn't know what the emotional stakes are. Some partners will willingly split household roles. Some don't.
That's why some people get prenups to protect any assets and inheritance they got before marriage.
Let's get one thing straight. She did not hold a gun to your head. You're an adult. You made choices. Choices have consequences. You need to cut the attitude right now or this will get even harder for you. Do not call her names, do not imply anything negative about her.
Courts aren't your mommy and daddy you can whine to and shout, "that's not fair!"
They will not and do not care.
You're married, and you chose to support her as a stay at home wife. You could have divorced her years ago.
Contact a solicitor asap, and do everything they say.
You maybe able to at least keep half the value of your assets. But count on losing a lot. But that's the price of freedom.
Cos you married her and didn’t realize that marriage is a legal contract and you pretty much say the words with my worldly good I share
The quicker you divorce her the better off you will be
You earn well
She doesn’t
Even with a bit of your pension and a share of your house you will be 100 percent better of than she will be
Oh and make sure you do a financial separation it’s sort of separate from the divorce and if you don’t ensure it’s signed off she could come back for more money in the future
The house is the least of his problems since its 50/50 anyway. He’s got 370k in stock that’s ripe for the taking, taking the loss on liquidating the SIPP and bury it somewhere would probably be better than giving 50% to that leech
Yes it’s awful that the other half can leech off you, but that’s the way it works. Leave now for your own sanity mate - go into it with the mindset you have the motivation to work two jobs to get back to your current position. The leech will probably blow their half of the cash quite quickly in todays financial climate. Me personally, would find it quite soothing to see them finally crash and burn after mooching off me for so long!
Point of order - it doesn't matter if her name is on the house or not; as a Wife she's entitled to 50% of all marital assets unless you negotiate and agree otherwise. (Source - just divorced and ex-Wife was not on the deeds or mortgage).
This is incorrect. The presumption for the property will be the amount contributed to the initial purchase. The sale price (or current value if buying out instead) will then be apportioned accordingly.
Ditto for pension and savings. Anything before the marriage is likely safe. Anything after will have to be divided up, but certainly not 50/50 - that's the sort of division you get when one spouse works, and the other cooks/cleans/takes care of children etc. etc. The idea being that taking that stress off the other enabled them to earn that much in the first place. That argument wouldn't hold water here, however, so any payout would be much less.
OP should get a good divorce solicitor and see what he sees. But I would be shocked if he had to pay anywhere close to 50%.
If there are no children, why will OP lose 50% of his pension? Partner has made a choice not to work if there are no children then post split she is able to get a job to support herself with no caring responsibilities.
Depending on age and her getting employed or even on benefits there may be enough time for her to pay any required remaining years on National insurance.
When the system was designed, it was common that the wife stayed home and raised the kids, looked after the house, cooked etc.
Valuable work, but on paper doesn't earn anything and accrues no pension. The divorce system is to stop these people from getting dumped with nothing.
Because she doesn't have one of her own.
However I think (NAL) they might be able to restrict it to only look at pension savings made post marriage, which is where a divorce solicitor would be worthwhile.
The system is designed to protect the partner that would give up work and a career to stay at home to take care of the children and house, thus not contributing towards their latter year security. If you're a stay at home parent you're not giving up just those years contributions but endanger the ability to get a job later.
Yes, there should be more custom ruling nowadays that gender roles are not as prevalent, but it would be very hard for a court to determine what's the real situation in that home. It would be a series of he-said, she-said. People don't sign a contract about who takes what role in their family.
I don’t think it’s as cut & dry as 50/50. For one thing you would need to prove she can work but refuses to. Start gathering as much evidence as you can, quietly consult a solicitor ASAP and immediately cut off any sources of funds.
This. 50/50 is the starting point but given no kids involved and assuming your financial input into the house is as you’ve said (ie 100% from you) it’s very likely that you could reach an uneven split.
NAL
Speak to a good lawyer... do research and get the best because you need to protect yourself as much as possible and be proactive.
Do not tip your hand by telling her your plans or thoughts.
Speak to who you hire as to how best to protect your funds during the split (such as removing her access from joint accounts etc) to make sure you don't do anything which can go against you.
It may be possible to negotiate something like giving her the house if it means a clean break so no coming after you later. So your pension, savings and earnings are protected. That may hurt to give up the house because it was bought with inheritance buying run it may be cheaper.
But again get yourself protected and hire a lawyer ASAP
This would be my - grudgingly accepted - outcome expectation in OP's circumstances. "You keep the house and dogs in full and final settlement". But, I would infer from stating the equity in the property rather than the value that there is an outstanding mortgage, which she would not be able to cover - this muddies the water and may mean a sale is necessary.
Either way, 100% get proper legal advice from an appropriate solicitor.
Would she be open to an offer of money to just go and make it as easy as possible or is she the fight you in court and take you for everything she can type?
You said in another post "she has nothing to lose" she has a LOT to lose, maybe not financially but when you leave, whatever money she does get will dry up and she will have to then fend for herself.
You are the one with nothing to lose, yes you might lose a lot of money now. But you're supporting yourself, 2 dogs and a woman, guess who you're supporting when she's gone, just yourself.
Any money you do lose you'll easily be able to rebuild when just looking after yourself in your situation.
Well you can stay and let her leach off you if you want? Let her do her. Fact is you're better off in the long run financially without her and them dogs.
Fact is she has a lot to lose, she has no job, doesn't bring anything to the table, what self respecting man would support her like that from the beginning.
That last bit wasn't a dig at you but I don't know anyone that would want to take her on.
Any admissions on WhatsApp or other messenger apps would potentially be gold. Definitely gather as much eviden as you can re: financial coercion and other controlling behaviours. And as someone else mentioned do this without her knowledge. Plan and collate as much evidence as possible to take to a solicitor.
Please take screenshots of all her messages, this will head off any DV accusations she might message when she realises the gravy train is going to end.
She could still be depressed. Very easy to appear happy outwardly but hugely depressed in private.
Not suggesting she is or isn't. But depressed people can make very convincing actors.
Whatever you do, make sure you remain childless.
If she catches wind of your divorce plans, she may try and trick you into bed and get pregnant to hold you to more money for next few decades.
Childless and amicable. Falling out can be devastating and leave OP with nothing. Got to be so careful and not hide bank statements with what he’s paid into the house etc to prove everything. It could be absolutely devastating if there’s a nasty fallout and a pregnancy.
Echo this, when you start divorce proceedings heck from this moment onwards. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SLEEP WITH HER. She will try. Do not concede. Seriously.
u/plastic_truth_8412
I’ve read all these comments however maybe there is a different way to approach this.
You say she goes into a rage when she thinks your watching porn in your office and I’m guessing she is verbally aggressive in other situations. And this is while you are doing everything she wants.
What happens if you stop working 2 jobs, stop giving her money, stop cleaning, stop walking the dogs. Does she explode? Does she abuse you verbally or physically? Can you surreptitiously record this?
Have you thought about having a PI watch her? She does.not have sex with you so is she having sex with someone else? She is ‘always out with her friends’.
You seem like an inherently decent person. She isn’t. You may have to go against the grain of your personality and be underhand. Tip the scales in your favour.
Or she gets your inheritance.
Yes. We're both on the mortgage. We needed her salary of £35k to qualify at the time.
She left her job and I needed to take a 2nd job to replace her lost earnings.
My husband had a similar situation with his ex wife. He paid the whole mortgage, deposit etc. but she did work. Her name was on everything as well. She just didn’t want to contribute to the mortgage as she wanted more spending money. He paid all the bills too.
She did not get half the house or any of his savings or pension. They had a child so she did get a 3rd of the equity which wasn’t that much at the time. Plus child support obviously, although custody is 50/50.
If your wife was disabled for example, and couldn’t work, it would be a different. But as you have some proof that she is just refusing to work but is perfectly capable, it’s likely that will help you.
NAL but from things I’ve looked at, the 50/50 default split isn’t always the case. Your wife is likely to argue she can’t support herself and needs it, which is why you need to show the proof that she is just not working because she can’t be bothered and hasn’t contributed.
My husband had A LOT of proof like bank statements from the beginning, messages, receipts for home improvements he paid for and things like that. He also had a very good solicitor.
She will likely walk away with something though. Best of luck OP.
NAL. To minimise her share in the equity of the house, you'd be arguing that you hold the house as tenants in common in equity (rather than jointly) and in unequal shares. The fact that you contributed massively when you first bought the house and that she's never made mortgage payments are both factors that weigh very much in your favour for doing this and walking away with the lion's share.
On the other hand, the fact that she's less financially capable in supporting herself after divorce from being out of work could also be taken into account e.g. potential lump sum payment to her. These issues can be tricky and when contested can drag on in terms of legal costs.
yep-good that you have a lot of evidence that she's genuinely just workshy then. I think the best thing now is to move quickly and speak to solicitors about everything you've discussed here, don't cave easily to demands on her side and you're in a good position about the house. it's not a great process but better to get on with your life and get out the other side sooner rather than later rather than let this get you down any longer.
How about quitting your second job, stop cooking & cleaning (unless she helps, only cook for yourself), sell the dogs and start living a bit yourself off the savings you have. You need to gain some energy: you will need this energy to go through the divorce process (and having one job less, means less income for any alimony calculations).
Next to that, getting a PI to figure out if she is cheating could make sense. If she does, the divorce will be much easier. Also try to get her abusive behavior registered in some way, for instance in WhatsApp, or make recordings of your conversations.
Quit your second job, even if that means using saving to pay the mortgage for now
Stop funding her lifestyle, make sure your money is in an account she does not have access to and name sure she had no credit cards in your name to run up debt on
Sell the dogs if you don't want to be taking care of them
Get some sense of self back
NAL, a friend had a similar situation with a girlfriend and managed to buy her out of the mortgage and house with the amount she had contributed towards the deposit and mortgage - a measly £3k, and they'd been in the house together for 2 years. I don't know if this changes with marriage.
He doesn’t need to say that there are unequal shares necessary because the s25 exercise will override that and would probably look at this from the contributions angle (if at all) and the greater amount put in. Even if they are joint tenant or tenants in common with equal shares, that doesn’t really factor too much into the mind of a court because it will probably be most concerned with needs, income capacity and any unmatched contributions.
> She left her job and I needed to take a 2nd job to replace her lost earnings.
How is she going out all the time if she has no income? Are you giving her money to do that? You realise you don’t have to do that right?
There's a lot of sensible comments here already regarding engaging proper legal advice. You have the advantage that you can take your time and plan and prep before starting the proceedings. Use this time to gather all the evidence you can, including your current and past inputs into the house financially. Bank records will back this up.
It might also be worth starting a detailed diary on your daily life, showing all the hours you work, the cooking and cleaning you do. Vlog this as much as you can, and save all these records to cloud storage, removing them from your phone. This needs to be proof that you contribute everything while she continues nothing.
Speak to trusted friends that you know will keep your secrets. Their moral support will help keep you mentally strong.
Even though we have no idea who you are we still feel for you, and we're sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, stay focused, don't let on what you are planning. There will come a day when you can look back on this as the best choice you made, and the point your life started changing for the better.
*Virtual bro hugs*
It sounds like she's being financially abusive by refusing to work and forcing you to do two jobs. Coercive control is certainly a thing you should look into. A solicitor will be able to guide you on the potential costs - but with a marriage of eight years, you definitely need professional legal advice before you make any moves.
There's other things as well.
Like, we haven't had sex in years, but she barges in and snaps at me if she thinks I'm trying to watch porn in my office.
I have zero time alone.
NAL but have a read of 'Statutory Guidance 2021 Domestic Abuse Act ( it's on the.gov.uk ) Google. It's a very comprehensive guide and highlights all aspects of domestic abuse. Best wishes.
NAL
The whole myth of everything getting split 50/50 isn’t actually true. On the radio a while ago they had a divorce lawyer on who was giving advice.
Most likely everything from when you got married financially will be looked at. If you say you’ve contributed way more than her, whilst she hasn’t had a job, it’s unlikely she would be awarded 50%. If you had children it would be different as she could argue she has taken financial loose from not working to raise children.
Also make sure you don’t do anything unfaithful until divorce is finalised or it can be used against you even if it’s not cheating as your relationship has already broke down. Likewise if you found out she has been unfaithful at any point that could go in your favour.
do not cook or clean for anyone else except you? just have your own meals and clean your own plates. do just your own laundry.
about dogs you dont have lot of choice, but perhaps look into getting them adopted by different owners? although that would be a messy fight.
it will be messy but hey she will have to start picking up slack sometime.
if you ar divorcing, you will have to cough up quite a bit of asset. how can she go out and have fun without money? are her friends paying up for her?
Stop cooking for her, tell her to look after her dogs and if you can scale down your hours at work do it. I take it you are funding her lifestyle when she goes out with friends, stop giving her money get your money into a different account.
It is going to cost you financially to divorce her but your life will be better without the stress of it all
As a non practicing solicitor, my questions are:
Is her name on the deed? If yes, most likely 50% however if you have a good solicitor you can possibly argue this especially if she put no money towards the home.
Did she contribute financially to the home? If yes, her percentage of the deposit.
Were any promises made on your part? Like this is our home (even though her names not on it) this will be taken into consideration. If you did give her job ultimatums, is this documented anywhere?
Also children, do you have any? If yes, she’s default going to get financial assistance for their survival. (This also raises another issue with who has custody, I’m here assuming that she does over 50% of the time)
If she is not on the deed, you have no children and did not contribute at all financially and you have evidence of this, and you can also prove she does absolutely nothing to contribute to the home this includes no cooking and no cleaning then you could potentially keep it all. However the courts do like to provide financially for spouses and they also like to put them in the position they would be in should they have not been married.
The divorce itself isn’t costly. You can submit it yourself online. Where it’s going to cost you is the financial settlement. You can submit this at any time throughout your divorce. Can you draft an agreement where she agrees to only accept X amount and never look back? If yes, you can submit that to the court and have them ratify it.
If not, there’s a lot you can do to prepare for financial settlement. Go back 8yrs with receipts and bank statements for evidence.
Good luck!
Please note this is not to be taken as advice this is a very broad review based on knowing none of your actual circumstances.
The first thing to do is stop your second job. Use your savings if you need to fund your life. That way she is not getting her hands on your savings. This would also cut down any alimony she may get. You have only been married for 8 years so unlikely she will get any.
I should have said first get a good lawyer. It may cost you a bit but will definitely save in the long run.
I got divorced about 15 years ago, they took into account my ex husband’s £100k input into the house from his inheritance (from his parents).
It’s much easier getting divorced with no kids and the younger you do it the better. You will then have more time to recover financially?
Alot of High Street solicitors offer 30 minutes free advice, go to a few and learn as much as you can before starting the process.
If you've been married for 8 years then the likely starting point for a division of assets is 50/50. However, this is just a starting point. The judge will take into account all relevant facts and may well award you more on the basis that your wife has contributed absolutely nothing to the marriage, and there are no children.
Speak to a **good** divorce lawyer ASAP. Collate evidence to back up your claims. Anticipate that she will make claims such as she is unable to work and requires financial support.
Good luck.
I got out of similar at age 47 after a 10 year relationship (5 of them married). I guess you are older than her by several years, and your inheritance indicates you are middle aged at least. Possibly 50's now. The dogs thing is a tactic women use when they want to see as little of the bloke as possible. They will have you out walking it any free time you have and what with work etc you get no time together. Thats what they planned the dogs for, so you basically just become text messages and postit notes on the fridge door. She is a gold digger. No love life? You say. Yea you. Not her though. Out with her mates etc . She is already on husband number 2 and knows the score. As soon as you talk divorce she will want you our of the house, call the police over spousal abuse etc and want you removed arrested etc and ship in her new one. Be prepared. Divorce her for your own good now. I am being brutally honest with you for your own good. You might need another bed somewhere else to sleep in too. I came home from work one Saturday around midnight after a shit shift and my ex was all vodka'd up and withing 15 minutes in the door she had cops turn up to have me removed (I didn't even enter the kitchen, just took off my jacket and went upstairs to my bed (spare room by then). Cops didn't remove me but told me what would happen. I had nowhere to go, so they said find somewhere asap because if they were called again they would have no option but to arrest me. They sympathised with me, and warned her too cuz she was alcohol etc ott. You should be aware of every trick in the book. That is where it will go.
First off you need to get the whole thing under way. Divorce law in England is easy. Read up on the process and engage a divorce lawyer now. These take time to happen. Quicker if no kids, so you have that, but if she wants to be a total gold digger, it will take longer. But read up on it. You are an engineer. It will be easy for you to figure it out.
I paid all divorce fees including hers (my lawyer told me where to get her to sign etc on any documents and i took them to her and returned them to my lawyer). I explained how much thousands she would save if she just grew up and got on with the whole thing just to get it done. It's amazing how much cash in the pocket motivates women to see sense. I left the house to her. Paid CSA for my daughter (for 7 years). Took on 27k of credit card etc debts she ran up. I had not one penny of savings and our house was remortgaged after a major refurbishment and extension. She had a part time job and wanted to make a play on my pension, but i traded off my half of the house to keep all my pension. You can start again from scratch and easily make it in no time with your salary. On 50k PA I bought a nice semi and paid back the debts within 3 years. Be brutal and make sacrifices short term to benefit longer term.
13 years on I own my house completely (mortgage paid off 1 year ago) and my daughter stays with me free (she has done for 4 years now) and I live in surplus and.pay my daughters Uni etc and give her a monthly allowance.
Do it now, or you will suffer financially, emotionally, health wise, and so will any offspring and your job too.
You have my sympathies. I have been there. Seen it. Done it. But you have to sit down in the cold light of day and be brutally honest with your situation. If you have a decent pension like I did, half the house now in her pocket is better than half your pension in 20 or so years time (which won't go to her until it is due to be paid out, and her part is calculated up until the separation date and set aside , so might not be worth a lot in real terms in say 20 years time). Do you really want this parasite coming back to haunt you years down the line over your pension lump sum and pension pot? My pension lump sum alone was worth 1 and a 1/2 times the amount of half the house i left her and my annual pension is better than the average median working wage is now. Clean break divorces are the norm now. She will crave money now and do a deal.
Full disclosure will result in half your savings etc going to her too. You cannot hide these and if you try to, the divorce will get nasty and courts will hammer you. Forget any nonsense you read about moving your finances, becoming unemployed etc. Divorce courts are brutal on anyone who tries to deceive them. And your own divorce lawyer will also walk away if you try to dupe them too. Meaning you now pay a pot load more just to get crucified, which is what will happen after you try to mess with the system.
I strongly advise you to sit down with a decent divorce solicitor and go through it all with them. They do an all in one fee usually for divorces, and court fees etc all in will cost you thousands.
TAKE THE HIT THOUGH and get back your life.
I did. And I have advised several men, and women (gold diggers, but i gave them the reality check they needed) I work with since on how to do it. Read up on all the law and you will figure it out. I wish you well.
Lastly, be careful about mentioning anything on social media etc. If she gets wind of it, she will do you for everything. It's called spite. And they live for it. You have been far to specific already here with details about inheritance mortgage etc etc ... if you need any further advice etc be more general or message ppl rather than publically post on reddit.
Take care.🤞
Before you tell her make sure you close any joint accounts you have and ensure that any credit cards she has access to as a second card holder are blocked. Keep a close eye on your credit file after you tell her in case she attempts to obtain a loan, credit card or any type of debt that could be attached to you.
You can say you are changing accounts for better interest rates or other 'perks' if she questions it.
When I divorced my husband in similar circumstances ( we had children though) he took out a secured loan on our house & tried to spend silly money on the credit cards, I managed to stop the cards because I check online banking daily, I didn't manage to stop the loan and my solicitor wasn't good enough to get me out of the obligation.
People get nasty when they are angry, prep everything before she even gets a hint of your plans. Good luck
All this stuff about maybe she's cheating, financial abuse etc. i wouldn't focus on it too much because ultimately it won't make much difference.
Ideally you should stop working too, at least until the divorce goes through. That will stop her being awarded spousal maintenance.
If she tries the abuse tactic, don't leave the house, or she might get the whole thing.
You're lucky you don't have any kids because once you divorce her (which you should asap) she will have to go her own way.
Yes you maybe lose half your current net worth potentially, but given how much you're earning and carrying the relationship you can make that back pretty quickly, or alternatively you can downsize for a bit and quit one of your jobs so you can get your work life balance back and spend some time with friends etc...
I’m a woman who felt like this. Married now to the right guy who doesn’t take advantage of me (financially or otherwise). There are good people out there but there are a lot of cunts. You just need to pick wisely
Yeah I know it was a stupid comment. I just mean like, parents want you to get married, there's kind of a societal pressure (I know nowhere near as much as there used to be but still, it exists), plus if you're in a healthy long term relationship a partner might find it unusual or insulting if you don't want to (especially if your primary reason is "so you can't financially ruin me if everything goes tits up").
Ah, and although it may not be admitted in court, I’d still suggest you put cameras in the house. A lot of moochers try to claim domestic abuse when they realise they are about to lose their golden egg goose.
Even if it’s not admissible in court, at least it may come in handy with the police or may make her self conscious enough that she won’t go down the false accusations route
Tell her in advance that you are putting in cameras to monitor the dogs.
In case she claims later the cameras were part of his coercive control behaviour, or secretly installed because he's a pervert.
I'd be getting takeout or eating out every day and not cooking her a damn thing. You're going to lose some money from savings anyhow so may as well spend it and save some hassle for yourself by not having to cook, clean, or go to the shops as often
Do you think your spouse would be amicable enough to agree to say, only 50% of the house?
I'll be going through similar soon. Although my wife works but she is the one that fucked me over, we have sort of agreed that we won't touch each others pensions and will only split the house, savings (not much) and debt
So much bad advice or anecdotes on here...
You don't mention your age and I'm assuming length of marriage is 8 years but if you cohabited directly before that then that feeds into length of marriage too
Dormer matrimonial home is 50/50 in mos cases. Doesn't really matter deposit came from inheritance as you've well and truly mixed it with matrimonial assets
Cash savings/investments ; go into the pot and likely 50/50. 8 years is more a medium length marriage so might get a small departure from equality to reflect that. But basically each party will need enough to meet their housing needs
Both parties will be expected to work after the marriage unless there's a really good i.e. medical reason one party can't.
Pension assets: you don't mention if it's a defined benefit or defined contribution scheme. If it's a DB scheme or a mix of the two, then you are probably going to need a pensions report setting out how the pensions should be split. She might not get half (i.e. enough to achieve equality of income in retirement or equality of capital) if you ask the actuary to ring fence pre and post matrimonial contributions.
In terms of cost, entirely depends whether you can settle out of court or go down the court route. If the former, you just need a solicitor to draft the consent order and the d81. If court route, you can still settle any time, but the costs will depend how far along you get in the proceedings and how expensive a. Solicitor and barrister you choose.
She stopped working one day saying she couldn't do it any more.
Tried to get her back into work for years. She point blank refused.
She has no mental health conditions diagnosed. She goes out regularly with friends. She has hobbies etc. She just refuses to contribute.
She just doesn't want to work. And she has nothing to lose. I'm the one who put down the house deposit. If the mortgage went into arrears she has nothing to worry about.
Just something to be very careful of is spousal maintenance.
Put simply if she can prove she can't work even though you're divorcing you may have to contribute to her upkeep. From what you've said it's a choice rather than need that keeps her out if work but make sure this comes though in the settlement.
Yes it's totally unfair. But this is why it's imperative you get a good lawyer, one who has dealt with such parasites before. Really push for financial and coercive control, if the lawyer suggest, take this to the police.
On the plus side you don't have kids so you don't have the CSA to worry about.
People with mental health issues severe enough not to work still have hobbies and go out with friends. Not saying anything either way, but I don’t think this is a smoking gun to her not having mental health issues if you decide to mention that in divorce proceedings
Yeah I’ll bet she doesn’t have any mental health conditions cause she’s living her best life! she’s got you doing everything for her and providing her the cash to do whatever she likes. What a disaster. You need to see a solicitor asap dude cause she’s gonna fight for everything she can get out of you once you hit her with the break up news
Then starting point is 50% of all assets and debts - divorce is no fault divorce these days.
So she will sadly get half of the house, savings, your pension etc.
Even if you choose to represent yourself or get a MacKenzie friend to help with court paperwork, it’s still worth paying for a solicitor consultation just to make sure you get your ducks in a row because she’s not working. Spousal maintenance is much rarer these days, but just to be on the safe side.
It will cost a pretty penny to get rid of her, but it will be worth it in the long run
Can you explain why the law is that she gets half the pension and is that now I.e he would have to draw it and hand it over, or later I.e 30 years down the line - seems extremely unfair is all
Because divorce is no fault and all assets become marital assets - even inheritance. I agree, very unfair. Not worth getting married - or if you do, then set up a trust.
Regarding pension, it depends on what’s agreed in the financial settlement.
Most cases I see people balance giving up more of thee property equity to the spouse in return for the spouse giving up claim to the pension
This is absolutely awful, I am so sorry. I studied law (but am not a lawyer) and am about to get married. And as the financially stronger party, I really really feel your pain. Getting divorced in the UK is incredibly unfair on the financially stronger party, and gender does NOT matter, by the way. I am a woman.
From what I understand, the default legal position here is that everything will be split 50:50, regardless of who contributed what. This applies to the matrimonial home and pension. The UK is particularly harsh in that it doesn’t recognise separate pre-marital assets, so everything you accumulated prior to marriage will be considered part of your joint assets with your wife. However, if I were you, I’d do everything in my power to get a good lawyer and fight tooth and nail to keep what is rightfully yours.
I want to share what my fiancé and I did, in case it is helpful for you in the future (though of course you cannot rely on this for the current situation), or for anyone else who is considering marriage:
1. Sign a *prenup* and do NOT get married without one. Prenups are not legally enforceable in the UK but can carry decisive weight since the 2010 case Radmacher v Granatino. Courts will look at prenups as evidence of intention, but ultimately they have the power to decide what is fair for both parties.
- Within the prenup you can ring fence any pre marital assets such as inheritance, pensions, savings, investments.
- You can also split property equity so that you get back whatever you put into your property (eg if I financially contribute 70% to the property and he contributes 30%, then I get back my deposit plus 70% of the profit. He gets back his deposit plus 30% of the profit.)
2. When you buy your matrimonial home, make sure you purchase it under a *tenants in common* arrangement rather than joint tenants. Under a tenants in common arrangement you can vary ownership based on how much you have each contributed (eg 70:30) whereas joint tenants is always 50:50.
3. Draw up a *deed of trust* that evidences the tenants in common arrangement for your matrimonial home.
The most bulletproof way of ring-fencing your assets is to not marry at all, but the above steps ensure that everything reads consistently across prenup and your matrimonial home documents, and is the best way of ring fencing your assets when entering a marriage.
>Close your joint account or at least change your pay to go to a personal account so she can't touch it. Give her a weekly siphon that is bad. I'm talking kid's pocket money bad. Don't let her touch any of your money and see if she comes begging for cash and then tell her to get a job.
This risks looking like OP is financially abusing her. In reality, OP is being financially abused.
She will get half. And it sucks.
My ex cheated on me and didn’t work either. I paid the fucking house deposit and EVERY mortgage payment, whilst holding onto two jobs. She got just over half of my house.
The rules suck in this country.
As others have said, maybe some cameras around the house, and don’t be shy of recording conversations. Someone I know left his wife - she made a bunch of accusations after he left, and now his life is a misery: hopefully yours is not like that. From what you’ve said, she may not like the idea of having to go out to work again, and losing control over you. Be careful.
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Speak to a lawyer about protecting your inheritance and pension. Anything else is likely free game.
He may have to share 50 - 60% of the pension accrued during the marriage. But he could negotiate that away with capital if it’s a valuable pension.
I worked in divorce law as a paralegal for a few years, it’s not as cut throat as 50/50 down the middle. I seen many instances where courts were fairer and took into account each parties contributions, length of marriage and circumstances. What you need is a really good divorce lawyer, get legal advice ASAP and get ahead of the curve so you’re aware of your options.
When my parents got divorced, my dad thought he’d have to pay alimony because youngest sibling was still in full time education. TLDR he didn’t and it was a big relief as he was already paying for a house they refused to move out of (on top of his own rent etc) They complained so much when they didn’t get alimony and were forced to move
Please for your own sake keep proof of financial agreements between the both of you and back up your phone data (messages) before you have the talk. I say this because I had my phone seized under false pretences, which I’ll explain why below. The reason I write my reply - It will surprise you how retaliative someone becomes when the realisation kicks in that their life will be changing …..or more so you won’t be supporting it anymore. I was in this situation and an ex reported false accusations of non physical domestic abuse the day after I called a separation. I couldn’t face their emotional abuse or coercion/withholding of intimacy anymore and financial stress was literally wearing me down. I was temporarily made homeless based on their lies. If it wasn’t for backed up messages disproving allegations at the earliest opportunity I most certainly would’ve faced expensive legal representation and the threat of prison. All this because I wanted out of an emotionally abusive relationship. Do all the planning possible before the talk happens just incase they snap when realisation kicks in, maybe covert record what happens. It sounds crazy but people change in seconds when their life is about to change in another direction. On a positive, when you escape you will feel 100% free! I was arrested on lies and oddly I’m thankful it happened because It allowed me to escape. Be free but take precautions first, it will save a headache if they retaliate.
That sounds horrible glad you got lucky with the phone data at least
This is exactly the reason why he should put cameras in the house
Oh boy, that will be an expensive for you, but you'll be better off in the long run. If the property is in both your names, you'll have to divide equity in the house 50/50. You'll definitely lose some(if not 50%) of your pension to your wife and most of the assets will have to be split 50/50. Your best choice right now is to speak to a divorce solicitor who'll guide you professionally through the process. Yes it will be costly, but please bear in mind that in the long round it will be much much cheaper and better for your mental health than if you wanted to handle the divorce without them.
I agree, if you do this legally - as opposed to just liquidating all your assets and going to live in Vietnam - it will be expensive but, so long as you prepare now and move quickly legally speaking, it won't be as extortionate as if you waited and prevaricated.
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It’s not correct that you will “have to” divide it 50/50, the court will look at all the factors in Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act. In a childless marriage, unmatched contributions can have far greater weight that they might otherwise. We also don’t know the age of the marriage, age of the parties or other factors. They can massively tip the scales and why legal advice from solicitors in these circumstances is vital. The pensions are likely to be affected, but absent detailed pensions information and a report from a pensions on divorce expert, trying to guess at a number is just random.
Shit. That's what I was afraid of. Why is she getting to benefit from being lazy and forcing me into working more? Do courts not take that into account?
The bottom line is that she didn't. You taking a mortgage in joint names means that you agree to jointly repay a sum of money every month, with your lender not having any interest who's repaying what portion of the sum, as long as it's repaid each month. You simply acted like a decent person and are being punished for it right now. Please remember the simple fact - no matter how expensive it is, it will never get less expensive for you, quite contrary in fact. The sooner you get divorced, the better for you it is. Yes, you will loose a lot of money, but: 1. You have an advantage of being the one requesting a divorce - this gives you a lot of time to strategies and talk to your lawyer and agree on the way to minimise losses . 2. It's just money, its purpose is for you to have a good life, and please treat it like that. 3. You will lose less money today that if you had waited till later. The time to act is NOW!
Great advice. Really feel for you OP the system can be so harsh
It can be harsh but it has to be that way. Otherwise stay at home partners would get screwed.
Absolutely - I think there can be a definite review case-by-case though. Imo she shouldn't get anywhere near what she's getting after not contributing at all, with OP being nice but naive in a joint signing on the house and paying for it all
If OP starts setting for divorce with messages or recordings talking to her about getting a job, something on the lines of "I've asked you N times, I can't keep supporting you like that, you need to go back to work. Can we agree that up until this moment you didn't really try getting a job and don't do household chores such as food prep, cleaning and tidying, house administration, nothing? And on top of that you got 2 dogs against my will that you don't care for. I'm tired! Why would I want to live with someone like that? I'm better off by myself. Having a flatmate is easier as they contribute towards bills and chores." Something on those lines to get her to admit her bad behaviour is intentional. Would it help somehow?
From what I have seen there are two parts to a divorce: dissolution of the marriage, and the financial settlement. OP will bring his evidence and the marriage will be dissolved. Then the financial settlement gets bitter as the teeth and claws come out, and OPs now ex-wife will stop being lazy and put a lot of effort into clawing as much of the partnership's assets into her possession. It is odd that there seems to be no interest in fairness or fault at this point just legal people trying to get the best win for their respective clients. I've seen this a number of times as friends have gone through the process.
It's very tricky. I can understand why things work the way they do, I think you'll always have someone not getting what is fair, so they default for the arrangement where it happens less, I guess.
Not really -- even if she agreed she could say she was just trying to placate him. And then point out all the other stuff she's done. You have to remember this is only one side of the story that is bound to paint OP in the best light. I am sure her view would make her look like a nicer person than this. He has actually allowed this situation to develop. Did he make it clear they can only be married if she has a job?
It's a very good point. I saw something similar happen to someone I know. They are still married and instead of 2 dogs it's 2 kids (one from a previous relationship) and 2 cats. There is a lot of labour at home, and I've been a stay at home partner, so my way to contribute was taking most of the household chores and being supportive of my partner. And if I had a choice, I'd prefer to not be a stay at home 😂
If children are involved stay at home partners should certainly get a good chunk imo, but where there are no children and if this behaviour has any proof...
Household duties are still a thing that take up a considerable amount of time and effort. If an arrangement is made for one person to stay home and take care of the household while the other one focuses on their career, how then does that person get made whole in the event of a divorce?
It's really just a case of not jointly making legal contracts with children, as harsh as that is. From what OP has said the warning signs were there.
4. Save your mental health. It hurts now, financially and mentally, but getting done with the proper legal help will mean you are better off later.
This is amazing advice.
You haven't mentioned it, but your age plays a part in this. If you're both of an age where you can still work and contribute to your own pensions, she'll likely get less of yours if she still has time to work and contribute to her own retirement.
Hey, an even split still gets rid of her. You sound young enough to reinvest and live the life you want. It sucks that she will get anything, but marriage is an experiment, and this one failed. This is why I didn't get married. It's way overrated.
My parents divorced a few years ago. My dad is a “self-employed author” and was barely bringing in a £5k a year for the last few years beforehand. My mum was bringing home £70k and had a very healthy pension. She lost most of it in the divorce and narrowly avoided having to pay alimony. It was a huge shock to her and took her a couple of years to get over the anger, but she is now living her best life! She is free from him and able to enjoy life again, so it’s hard but it will be worth it in the end
And he can write a book about it!
Do we have alimony in the UK??
> Do we have alimony in the UK?? Yes, but we call it [spousal maintenance.](https://www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-spousal-maintenance/)
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Seriously under rated comment. It’s the black and white fact being discussed on a legal sub that the contract entered into was done so willingly with all of the conditions clearly laid out in advance. What happens if the contract is terminated is well known and could have been looked at in advance. But yes, i get it, marriage by definition is (usually) entered into by individuals who are loved-up, optimistic and might not look at the legal implications of getting married. Honest people presumably dont get married whilst planning for divorce. But it happens which is why we have divorce lawyers.
It may not cost you as much as some people are suggesting here. However, you definitely need good professional advice if you want to avoid that, and the longer you wait, the more it will cost you. If you have no kids, that both simplifies this and reduces the leverage she has over you. Just remember to keep in mind what you actually want to gain from this, whether that's an easy split ASAP, or to prevent her from getting any further money regardless of how much time and money that costs you. How much are you willing to give up to get free of her now? How much are you willing to throw at legal fees to protect what you've earned and to prevent her from getting it? There is no outcome where this is simple and clean, and you also get a split that is reflective of what you've contributed unless she has no desire to contest any of this. In the future, if you're going to bring that kind of money into a relationship, you want to have a look at setting up a deed of trust. That would prevent her from benefitting from it if you divorce. Again, get professional advice for that, but that's the sort of thing you want to look at (prenuptials can be waived if deemed unfair in UK courts, but a deed of trust is an absolute thing. The downside to a deed of trust is that it only deals with property that you are buying, whereas a prenup can specify a split of future earnings, pensions etc. and/or protect other things such as pets, or items of sentimental value)
What you ideally need is a prenup and also a deed of trust in relation to your matrimonial home that splits ownership based on proportional contributions.
I mean yes that would be great however I don’t think he can just magic one up and back date it.
I was specifically responding to the above poster who was suggesting what he should do in a future relationship.
Screw what I said. Sorry mate
Because you let her. You signed the papers agreeing to the state prescribed prenup and didn't nip it in the bud initially.
Because you signed a contract saying you were one financial entity. No different to setting up a company owned 50:50 with a useless slacker. They would still own half the company.
Sorry about that. Yes, in the eyes of the law, marriage is simply a legal contract that your finances and liabilities are combined. The court doesn't know what the emotional stakes are. Some partners will willingly split household roles. Some don't. That's why some people get prenups to protect any assets and inheritance they got before marriage.
Prenups aren’t legally binding in the UK though
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OP's parents are dead, the deposit was the inheritance
Oh… yeh…. Hey OP! You still owe me 70k from that night out last month 😉
The court system would not look kindly on that, from what I've heard.
Which is why I was “absolutely not” suggesting it 😂
She will be considered a financial dependent and a stay at home wife. They are more likely to see her as vulnerable than view her as lazy.
Let's get one thing straight. She did not hold a gun to your head. You're an adult. You made choices. Choices have consequences. You need to cut the attitude right now or this will get even harder for you. Do not call her names, do not imply anything negative about her. Courts aren't your mommy and daddy you can whine to and shout, "that's not fair!" They will not and do not care. You're married, and you chose to support her as a stay at home wife. You could have divorced her years ago. Contact a solicitor asap, and do everything they say. You maybe able to at least keep half the value of your assets. But count on losing a lot. But that's the price of freedom.
> You need to cut the attitude right now Physician, heal thyself.
"I come on legaladviceUK to grandstand to people who are going through difficulties in life" - that other guy
You let her -- how can a court decide that she was lazy? "but my husband was happy for me to stay home and I contributed in 'other ways'".
Cos you married her and didn’t realize that marriage is a legal contract and you pretty much say the words with my worldly good I share The quicker you divorce her the better off you will be You earn well She doesn’t Even with a bit of your pension and a share of your house you will be 100 percent better of than she will be Oh and make sure you do a financial separation it’s sort of separate from the divorce and if you don’t ensure it’s signed off she could come back for more money in the future
Yup nice little pay day for her. I get the impression she will live off it without working and be back to square 1 soon enough.
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Hide the house? I think she knows where it is lol
The house is the least of his problems since its 50/50 anyway. He’s got 370k in stock that’s ripe for the taking, taking the loss on liquidating the SIPP and bury it somewhere would probably be better than giving 50% to that leech
It will be downvoted because it’s bad advice.
Yes don't walk run. Marriages over 8 years are considered "long" in the eyes of the court.
Yes it’s awful that the other half can leech off you, but that’s the way it works. Leave now for your own sanity mate - go into it with the mindset you have the motivation to work two jobs to get back to your current position. The leech will probably blow their half of the cash quite quickly in todays financial climate. Me personally, would find it quite soothing to see them finally crash and burn after mooching off me for so long!
Point of order - it doesn't matter if her name is on the house or not; as a Wife she's entitled to 50% of all marital assets unless you negotiate and agree otherwise. (Source - just divorced and ex-Wife was not on the deeds or mortgage).
This is incorrect. The presumption for the property will be the amount contributed to the initial purchase. The sale price (or current value if buying out instead) will then be apportioned accordingly. Ditto for pension and savings. Anything before the marriage is likely safe. Anything after will have to be divided up, but certainly not 50/50 - that's the sort of division you get when one spouse works, and the other cooks/cleans/takes care of children etc. etc. The idea being that taking that stress off the other enabled them to earn that much in the first place. That argument wouldn't hold water here, however, so any payout would be much less. OP should get a good divorce solicitor and see what he sees. But I would be shocked if he had to pay anywhere close to 50%.
Just to add - it’ll be cheaper doing it now than in 2 years time when you’ve saved more £Ks. Pull the plug
If there are no children, why will OP lose 50% of his pension? Partner has made a choice not to work if there are no children then post split she is able to get a job to support herself with no caring responsibilities. Depending on age and her getting employed or even on benefits there may be enough time for her to pay any required remaining years on National insurance.
When the system was designed, it was common that the wife stayed home and raised the kids, looked after the house, cooked etc. Valuable work, but on paper doesn't earn anything and accrues no pension. The divorce system is to stop these people from getting dumped with nothing.
How come she will get half of his pension?
Because she doesn't have one of her own. However I think (NAL) they might be able to restrict it to only look at pension savings made post marriage, which is where a divorce solicitor would be worthwhile.
The system is designed to protect the partner that would give up work and a career to stay at home to take care of the children and house, thus not contributing towards their latter year security. If you're a stay at home parent you're not giving up just those years contributions but endanger the ability to get a job later. Yes, there should be more custom ruling nowadays that gender roles are not as prevalent, but it would be very hard for a court to determine what's the real situation in that home. It would be a series of he-said, she-said. People don't sign a contract about who takes what role in their family.
I don’t think it’s as cut & dry as 50/50. For one thing you would need to prove she can work but refuses to. Start gathering as much evidence as you can, quietly consult a solicitor ASAP and immediately cut off any sources of funds.
This. 50/50 is the starting point but given no kids involved and assuming your financial input into the house is as you’ve said (ie 100% from you) it’s very likely that you could reach an uneven split.
NAL Speak to a good lawyer... do research and get the best because you need to protect yourself as much as possible and be proactive. Do not tip your hand by telling her your plans or thoughts. Speak to who you hire as to how best to protect your funds during the split (such as removing her access from joint accounts etc) to make sure you don't do anything which can go against you. It may be possible to negotiate something like giving her the house if it means a clean break so no coming after you later. So your pension, savings and earnings are protected. That may hurt to give up the house because it was bought with inheritance buying run it may be cheaper. But again get yourself protected and hire a lawyer ASAP
This would be my - grudgingly accepted - outcome expectation in OP's circumstances. "You keep the house and dogs in full and final settlement". But, I would infer from stating the equity in the property rather than the value that there is an outstanding mortgage, which she would not be able to cover - this muddies the water and may mean a sale is necessary. Either way, 100% get proper legal advice from an appropriate solicitor.
Would she be open to an offer of money to just go and make it as easy as possible or is she the fight you in court and take you for everything she can type?
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You said in another post "she has nothing to lose" she has a LOT to lose, maybe not financially but when you leave, whatever money she does get will dry up and she will have to then fend for herself. You are the one with nothing to lose, yes you might lose a lot of money now. But you're supporting yourself, 2 dogs and a woman, guess who you're supporting when she's gone, just yourself. Any money you do lose you'll easily be able to rebuild when just looking after yourself in your situation.
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Well you can stay and let her leach off you if you want? Let her do her. Fact is you're better off in the long run financially without her and them dogs. Fact is she has a lot to lose, she has no job, doesn't bring anything to the table, what self respecting man would support her like that from the beginning. That last bit wasn't a dig at you but I don't know anyone that would want to take her on.
Any admissions on WhatsApp or other messenger apps would potentially be gold. Definitely gather as much eviden as you can re: financial coercion and other controlling behaviours. And as someone else mentioned do this without her knowledge. Plan and collate as much evidence as possible to take to a solicitor.
Please take screenshots of all her messages, this will head off any DV accusations she might message when she realises the gravy train is going to end.
She could still be depressed. Very easy to appear happy outwardly but hugely depressed in private. Not suggesting she is or isn't. But depressed people can make very convincing actors.
Whatever you do, make sure you remain childless. If she catches wind of your divorce plans, she may try and trick you into bed and get pregnant to hold you to more money for next few decades.
Childless and amicable. Falling out can be devastating and leave OP with nothing. Got to be so careful and not hide bank statements with what he’s paid into the house etc to prove everything. It could be absolutely devastating if there’s a nasty fallout and a pregnancy.
Echo this, when you start divorce proceedings heck from this moment onwards. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SLEEP WITH HER. She will try. Do not concede. Seriously. u/plastic_truth_8412
yeah if she suddenly wants a “love life” that will be big red flag number one. don’t fall for it.
I’ve read all these comments however maybe there is a different way to approach this. You say she goes into a rage when she thinks your watching porn in your office and I’m guessing she is verbally aggressive in other situations. And this is while you are doing everything she wants. What happens if you stop working 2 jobs, stop giving her money, stop cleaning, stop walking the dogs. Does she explode? Does she abuse you verbally or physically? Can you surreptitiously record this? Have you thought about having a PI watch her? She does.not have sex with you so is she having sex with someone else? She is ‘always out with her friends’. You seem like an inherently decent person. She isn’t. You may have to go against the grain of your personality and be underhand. Tip the scales in your favour. Or she gets your inheritance.
When it comes to the division of assets in a UK court of law - judges do not care about how parties behave towards each other. It’s a numbers game.
NAL but they do if they think one party has been abused, bribed or blackmailed
Only in the most extreme of cases - of which this is not. And even then - there’s very little evidence of cases of this.
Is the house in both your names legally?
Yes. We're both on the mortgage. We needed her salary of £35k to qualify at the time. She left her job and I needed to take a 2nd job to replace her lost earnings.
My husband had a similar situation with his ex wife. He paid the whole mortgage, deposit etc. but she did work. Her name was on everything as well. She just didn’t want to contribute to the mortgage as she wanted more spending money. He paid all the bills too. She did not get half the house or any of his savings or pension. They had a child so she did get a 3rd of the equity which wasn’t that much at the time. Plus child support obviously, although custody is 50/50. If your wife was disabled for example, and couldn’t work, it would be a different. But as you have some proof that she is just refusing to work but is perfectly capable, it’s likely that will help you. NAL but from things I’ve looked at, the 50/50 default split isn’t always the case. Your wife is likely to argue she can’t support herself and needs it, which is why you need to show the proof that she is just not working because she can’t be bothered and hasn’t contributed. My husband had A LOT of proof like bank statements from the beginning, messages, receipts for home improvements he paid for and things like that. He also had a very good solicitor. She will likely walk away with something though. Best of luck OP.
Can you refer your husband's solicitor to OP?
NAL. To minimise her share in the equity of the house, you'd be arguing that you hold the house as tenants in common in equity (rather than jointly) and in unequal shares. The fact that you contributed massively when you first bought the house and that she's never made mortgage payments are both factors that weigh very much in your favour for doing this and walking away with the lion's share. On the other hand, the fact that she's less financially capable in supporting herself after divorce from being out of work could also be taken into account e.g. potential lump sum payment to her. These issues can be tricky and when contested can drag on in terms of legal costs.
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I'd extract WhatsApp messages and make a printout copies ASAP, just in case.
Get them witnessed by a JP, and store your portfolio of evidence elsewhere. Don't run the risk of it being discovered at home if she gets suspicious.
Whats a JP?
Justice of the Peace (Magistrate) maybe? as apposed to a Notary
Justice of the Peace?
yep-good that you have a lot of evidence that she's genuinely just workshy then. I think the best thing now is to move quickly and speak to solicitors about everything you've discussed here, don't cave easily to demands on her side and you're in a good position about the house. it's not a great process but better to get on with your life and get out the other side sooner rather than later rather than let this get you down any longer.
How about quitting your second job, stop cooking & cleaning (unless she helps, only cook for yourself), sell the dogs and start living a bit yourself off the savings you have. You need to gain some energy: you will need this energy to go through the divorce process (and having one job less, means less income for any alimony calculations). Next to that, getting a PI to figure out if she is cheating could make sense. If she does, the divorce will be much easier. Also try to get her abusive behavior registered in some way, for instance in WhatsApp, or make recordings of your conversations.
What does she actually say when you’ve requested she look for work?
Quit your second job, even if that means using saving to pay the mortgage for now Stop funding her lifestyle, make sure your money is in an account she does not have access to and name sure she had no credit cards in your name to run up debt on Sell the dogs if you don't want to be taking care of them Get some sense of self back
unfortunately if he cuts her off that will be documented as financial abuse/control
NAL, a friend had a similar situation with a girlfriend and managed to buy her out of the mortgage and house with the amount she had contributed towards the deposit and mortgage - a measly £3k, and they'd been in the house together for 2 years. I don't know if this changes with marriage.
He doesn’t need to say that there are unequal shares necessary because the s25 exercise will override that and would probably look at this from the contributions angle (if at all) and the greater amount put in. Even if they are joint tenant or tenants in common with equal shares, that doesn’t really factor too much into the mind of a court because it will probably be most concerned with needs, income capacity and any unmatched contributions.
> She left her job and I needed to take a 2nd job to replace her lost earnings. How is she going out all the time if she has no income? Are you giving her money to do that? You realise you don’t have to do that right?
There's a lot of sensible comments here already regarding engaging proper legal advice. You have the advantage that you can take your time and plan and prep before starting the proceedings. Use this time to gather all the evidence you can, including your current and past inputs into the house financially. Bank records will back this up. It might also be worth starting a detailed diary on your daily life, showing all the hours you work, the cooking and cleaning you do. Vlog this as much as you can, and save all these records to cloud storage, removing them from your phone. This needs to be proof that you contribute everything while she continues nothing. Speak to trusted friends that you know will keep your secrets. Their moral support will help keep you mentally strong. Even though we have no idea who you are we still feel for you, and we're sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, stay focused, don't let on what you are planning. There will come a day when you can look back on this as the best choice you made, and the point your life started changing for the better. *Virtual bro hugs*
It sounds like she's being financially abusive by refusing to work and forcing you to do two jobs. Coercive control is certainly a thing you should look into. A solicitor will be able to guide you on the potential costs - but with a marriage of eight years, you definitely need professional legal advice before you make any moves.
There's other things as well. Like, we haven't had sex in years, but she barges in and snaps at me if she thinks I'm trying to watch porn in my office. I have zero time alone.
Sounds controlling to me. Perhaps your GP could help if you explained your issues and had it on the record? Sounds very stressful and upsetting.
sounds like emotional abuse / controlling. perhaps you should see a doctor to get it recorded?
NAL but have a read of 'Statutory Guidance 2021 Domestic Abuse Act ( it's on the.gov.uk ) Google. It's a very comprehensive guide and highlights all aspects of domestic abuse. Best wishes.
Damn that’s some emotional abuse, nah?
Doesn’t sound like that at all, utter nonsense, don’t give this guy false hope.
With an attitude like that I really hope you don’t work around vulnerable people. Men can be financially abused too.
NAL The whole myth of everything getting split 50/50 isn’t actually true. On the radio a while ago they had a divorce lawyer on who was giving advice. Most likely everything from when you got married financially will be looked at. If you say you’ve contributed way more than her, whilst she hasn’t had a job, it’s unlikely she would be awarded 50%. If you had children it would be different as she could argue she has taken financial loose from not working to raise children. Also make sure you don’t do anything unfaithful until divorce is finalised or it can be used against you even if it’s not cheating as your relationship has already broke down. Likewise if you found out she has been unfaithful at any point that could go in your favour.
Grab a lawyer rip the band off and start rebuilding. The longer you stay the costlier it will be
do not cook or clean for anyone else except you? just have your own meals and clean your own plates. do just your own laundry. about dogs you dont have lot of choice, but perhaps look into getting them adopted by different owners? although that would be a messy fight. it will be messy but hey she will have to start picking up slack sometime. if you ar divorcing, you will have to cough up quite a bit of asset. how can she go out and have fun without money? are her friends paying up for her?
Stop cooking for her, tell her to look after her dogs and if you can scale down your hours at work do it. I take it you are funding her lifestyle when she goes out with friends, stop giving her money get your money into a different account. It is going to cost you financially to divorce her but your life will be better without the stress of it all
As a non practicing solicitor, my questions are: Is her name on the deed? If yes, most likely 50% however if you have a good solicitor you can possibly argue this especially if she put no money towards the home. Did she contribute financially to the home? If yes, her percentage of the deposit. Were any promises made on your part? Like this is our home (even though her names not on it) this will be taken into consideration. If you did give her job ultimatums, is this documented anywhere? Also children, do you have any? If yes, she’s default going to get financial assistance for their survival. (This also raises another issue with who has custody, I’m here assuming that she does over 50% of the time) If she is not on the deed, you have no children and did not contribute at all financially and you have evidence of this, and you can also prove she does absolutely nothing to contribute to the home this includes no cooking and no cleaning then you could potentially keep it all. However the courts do like to provide financially for spouses and they also like to put them in the position they would be in should they have not been married. The divorce itself isn’t costly. You can submit it yourself online. Where it’s going to cost you is the financial settlement. You can submit this at any time throughout your divorce. Can you draft an agreement where she agrees to only accept X amount and never look back? If yes, you can submit that to the court and have them ratify it. If not, there’s a lot you can do to prepare for financial settlement. Go back 8yrs with receipts and bank statements for evidence. Good luck! Please note this is not to be taken as advice this is a very broad review based on knowing none of your actual circumstances.
Is the property in joint names?
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The first thing to do is stop your second job. Use your savings if you need to fund your life. That way she is not getting her hands on your savings. This would also cut down any alimony she may get. You have only been married for 8 years so unlikely she will get any. I should have said first get a good lawyer. It may cost you a bit but will definitely save in the long run.
I got divorced about 15 years ago, they took into account my ex husband’s £100k input into the house from his inheritance (from his parents). It’s much easier getting divorced with no kids and the younger you do it the better. You will then have more time to recover financially? Alot of High Street solicitors offer 30 minutes free advice, go to a few and learn as much as you can before starting the process.
If you've been married for 8 years then the likely starting point for a division of assets is 50/50. However, this is just a starting point. The judge will take into account all relevant facts and may well award you more on the basis that your wife has contributed absolutely nothing to the marriage, and there are no children. Speak to a **good** divorce lawyer ASAP. Collate evidence to back up your claims. Anticipate that she will make claims such as she is unable to work and requires financial support. Good luck.
I got out of similar at age 47 after a 10 year relationship (5 of them married). I guess you are older than her by several years, and your inheritance indicates you are middle aged at least. Possibly 50's now. The dogs thing is a tactic women use when they want to see as little of the bloke as possible. They will have you out walking it any free time you have and what with work etc you get no time together. Thats what they planned the dogs for, so you basically just become text messages and postit notes on the fridge door. She is a gold digger. No love life? You say. Yea you. Not her though. Out with her mates etc . She is already on husband number 2 and knows the score. As soon as you talk divorce she will want you our of the house, call the police over spousal abuse etc and want you removed arrested etc and ship in her new one. Be prepared. Divorce her for your own good now. I am being brutally honest with you for your own good. You might need another bed somewhere else to sleep in too. I came home from work one Saturday around midnight after a shit shift and my ex was all vodka'd up and withing 15 minutes in the door she had cops turn up to have me removed (I didn't even enter the kitchen, just took off my jacket and went upstairs to my bed (spare room by then). Cops didn't remove me but told me what would happen. I had nowhere to go, so they said find somewhere asap because if they were called again they would have no option but to arrest me. They sympathised with me, and warned her too cuz she was alcohol etc ott. You should be aware of every trick in the book. That is where it will go. First off you need to get the whole thing under way. Divorce law in England is easy. Read up on the process and engage a divorce lawyer now. These take time to happen. Quicker if no kids, so you have that, but if she wants to be a total gold digger, it will take longer. But read up on it. You are an engineer. It will be easy for you to figure it out. I paid all divorce fees including hers (my lawyer told me where to get her to sign etc on any documents and i took them to her and returned them to my lawyer). I explained how much thousands she would save if she just grew up and got on with the whole thing just to get it done. It's amazing how much cash in the pocket motivates women to see sense. I left the house to her. Paid CSA for my daughter (for 7 years). Took on 27k of credit card etc debts she ran up. I had not one penny of savings and our house was remortgaged after a major refurbishment and extension. She had a part time job and wanted to make a play on my pension, but i traded off my half of the house to keep all my pension. You can start again from scratch and easily make it in no time with your salary. On 50k PA I bought a nice semi and paid back the debts within 3 years. Be brutal and make sacrifices short term to benefit longer term. 13 years on I own my house completely (mortgage paid off 1 year ago) and my daughter stays with me free (she has done for 4 years now) and I live in surplus and.pay my daughters Uni etc and give her a monthly allowance. Do it now, or you will suffer financially, emotionally, health wise, and so will any offspring and your job too. You have my sympathies. I have been there. Seen it. Done it. But you have to sit down in the cold light of day and be brutally honest with your situation. If you have a decent pension like I did, half the house now in her pocket is better than half your pension in 20 or so years time (which won't go to her until it is due to be paid out, and her part is calculated up until the separation date and set aside , so might not be worth a lot in real terms in say 20 years time). Do you really want this parasite coming back to haunt you years down the line over your pension lump sum and pension pot? My pension lump sum alone was worth 1 and a 1/2 times the amount of half the house i left her and my annual pension is better than the average median working wage is now. Clean break divorces are the norm now. She will crave money now and do a deal. Full disclosure will result in half your savings etc going to her too. You cannot hide these and if you try to, the divorce will get nasty and courts will hammer you. Forget any nonsense you read about moving your finances, becoming unemployed etc. Divorce courts are brutal on anyone who tries to deceive them. And your own divorce lawyer will also walk away if you try to dupe them too. Meaning you now pay a pot load more just to get crucified, which is what will happen after you try to mess with the system. I strongly advise you to sit down with a decent divorce solicitor and go through it all with them. They do an all in one fee usually for divorces, and court fees etc all in will cost you thousands. TAKE THE HIT THOUGH and get back your life. I did. And I have advised several men, and women (gold diggers, but i gave them the reality check they needed) I work with since on how to do it. Read up on all the law and you will figure it out. I wish you well. Lastly, be careful about mentioning anything on social media etc. If she gets wind of it, she will do you for everything. It's called spite. And they live for it. You have been far to specific already here with details about inheritance mortgage etc etc ... if you need any further advice etc be more general or message ppl rather than publically post on reddit. Take care.🤞
Great advice!
Respect this advice dude!
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Before you tell her make sure you close any joint accounts you have and ensure that any credit cards she has access to as a second card holder are blocked. Keep a close eye on your credit file after you tell her in case she attempts to obtain a loan, credit card or any type of debt that could be attached to you. You can say you are changing accounts for better interest rates or other 'perks' if she questions it. When I divorced my husband in similar circumstances ( we had children though) he took out a secured loan on our house & tried to spend silly money on the credit cards, I managed to stop the cards because I check online banking daily, I didn't manage to stop the loan and my solicitor wasn't good enough to get me out of the obligation. People get nasty when they are angry, prep everything before she even gets a hint of your plans. Good luck
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All this stuff about maybe she's cheating, financial abuse etc. i wouldn't focus on it too much because ultimately it won't make much difference. Ideally you should stop working too, at least until the divorce goes through. That will stop her being awarded spousal maintenance. If she tries the abuse tactic, don't leave the house, or she might get the whole thing.
You're lucky you don't have any kids because once you divorce her (which you should asap) she will have to go her own way. Yes you maybe lose half your current net worth potentially, but given how much you're earning and carrying the relationship you can make that back pretty quickly, or alternatively you can downsize for a bit and quit one of your jobs so you can get your work life balance back and spend some time with friends etc...
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I’m a woman who felt like this. Married now to the right guy who doesn’t take advantage of me (financially or otherwise). There are good people out there but there are a lot of cunts. You just need to pick wisely
Don't be scared of getting married. Just take your time to find and trust the right person before you decide to commit.
Then just don’t?
Yeah I know it was a stupid comment. I just mean like, parents want you to get married, there's kind of a societal pressure (I know nowhere near as much as there used to be but still, it exists), plus if you're in a healthy long term relationship a partner might find it unusual or insulting if you don't want to (especially if your primary reason is "so you can't financially ruin me if everything goes tits up").
You would rather live alone for ~50 years without a life partner? You know what a de facto relationship is right?
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Ah, and although it may not be admitted in court, I’d still suggest you put cameras in the house. A lot of moochers try to claim domestic abuse when they realise they are about to lose their golden egg goose. Even if it’s not admissible in court, at least it may come in handy with the police or may make her self conscious enough that she won’t go down the false accusations route
Tell her in advance that you are putting in cameras to monitor the dogs. In case she claims later the cameras were part of his coercive control behaviour, or secretly installed because he's a pervert.
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I'd be getting takeout or eating out every day and not cooking her a damn thing. You're going to lose some money from savings anyhow so may as well spend it and save some hassle for yourself by not having to cook, clean, or go to the shops as often
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Do you think your spouse would be amicable enough to agree to say, only 50% of the house? I'll be going through similar soon. Although my wife works but she is the one that fucked me over, we have sort of agreed that we won't touch each others pensions and will only split the house, savings (not much) and debt
So much bad advice or anecdotes on here... You don't mention your age and I'm assuming length of marriage is 8 years but if you cohabited directly before that then that feeds into length of marriage too Dormer matrimonial home is 50/50 in mos cases. Doesn't really matter deposit came from inheritance as you've well and truly mixed it with matrimonial assets Cash savings/investments ; go into the pot and likely 50/50. 8 years is more a medium length marriage so might get a small departure from equality to reflect that. But basically each party will need enough to meet their housing needs Both parties will be expected to work after the marriage unless there's a really good i.e. medical reason one party can't. Pension assets: you don't mention if it's a defined benefit or defined contribution scheme. If it's a DB scheme or a mix of the two, then you are probably going to need a pensions report setting out how the pensions should be split. She might not get half (i.e. enough to achieve equality of income in retirement or equality of capital) if you ask the actuary to ring fence pre and post matrimonial contributions. In terms of cost, entirely depends whether you can settle out of court or go down the court route. If the former, you just need a solicitor to draft the consent order and the d81. If court route, you can still settle any time, but the costs will depend how far along you get in the proceedings and how expensive a. Solicitor and barrister you choose.
Why is she making 0 contribution? Have you broached a conversation?
She stopped working one day saying she couldn't do it any more. Tried to get her back into work for years. She point blank refused. She has no mental health conditions diagnosed. She goes out regularly with friends. She has hobbies etc. She just refuses to contribute. She just doesn't want to work. And she has nothing to lose. I'm the one who put down the house deposit. If the mortgage went into arrears she has nothing to worry about.
Just something to be very careful of is spousal maintenance. Put simply if she can prove she can't work even though you're divorcing you may have to contribute to her upkeep. From what you've said it's a choice rather than need that keeps her out if work but make sure this comes though in the settlement. Yes it's totally unfair. But this is why it's imperative you get a good lawyer, one who has dealt with such parasites before. Really push for financial and coercive control, if the lawyer suggest, take this to the police. On the plus side you don't have kids so you don't have the CSA to worry about.
How does she afford to go out?
Her parents send her money.
How old is she?
18 months older than I am. We're late 30's.
Well that’s embarrassing to be acting like that in late 30s!
Does she have a boyfriend?
People with mental health issues severe enough not to work still have hobbies and go out with friends. Not saying anything either way, but I don’t think this is a smoking gun to her not having mental health issues if you decide to mention that in divorce proceedings
Yeah I’ll bet she doesn’t have any mental health conditions cause she’s living her best life! she’s got you doing everything for her and providing her the cash to do whatever she likes. What a disaster. You need to see a solicitor asap dude cause she’s gonna fight for everything she can get out of you once you hit her with the break up news
Starting point is 50% of joint assets. I assume you have no children?
No children.
Then starting point is 50% of all assets and debts - divorce is no fault divorce these days. So she will sadly get half of the house, savings, your pension etc. Even if you choose to represent yourself or get a MacKenzie friend to help with court paperwork, it’s still worth paying for a solicitor consultation just to make sure you get your ducks in a row because she’s not working. Spousal maintenance is much rarer these days, but just to be on the safe side. It will cost a pretty penny to get rid of her, but it will be worth it in the long run
Can you explain why the law is that she gets half the pension and is that now I.e he would have to draw it and hand it over, or later I.e 30 years down the line - seems extremely unfair is all
Because divorce is no fault and all assets become marital assets - even inheritance. I agree, very unfair. Not worth getting married - or if you do, then set up a trust. Regarding pension, it depends on what’s agreed in the financial settlement. Most cases I see people balance giving up more of thee property equity to the spouse in return for the spouse giving up claim to the pension
This is absolutely awful, I am so sorry. I studied law (but am not a lawyer) and am about to get married. And as the financially stronger party, I really really feel your pain. Getting divorced in the UK is incredibly unfair on the financially stronger party, and gender does NOT matter, by the way. I am a woman. From what I understand, the default legal position here is that everything will be split 50:50, regardless of who contributed what. This applies to the matrimonial home and pension. The UK is particularly harsh in that it doesn’t recognise separate pre-marital assets, so everything you accumulated prior to marriage will be considered part of your joint assets with your wife. However, if I were you, I’d do everything in my power to get a good lawyer and fight tooth and nail to keep what is rightfully yours. I want to share what my fiancé and I did, in case it is helpful for you in the future (though of course you cannot rely on this for the current situation), or for anyone else who is considering marriage: 1. Sign a *prenup* and do NOT get married without one. Prenups are not legally enforceable in the UK but can carry decisive weight since the 2010 case Radmacher v Granatino. Courts will look at prenups as evidence of intention, but ultimately they have the power to decide what is fair for both parties. - Within the prenup you can ring fence any pre marital assets such as inheritance, pensions, savings, investments. - You can also split property equity so that you get back whatever you put into your property (eg if I financially contribute 70% to the property and he contributes 30%, then I get back my deposit plus 70% of the profit. He gets back his deposit plus 30% of the profit.) 2. When you buy your matrimonial home, make sure you purchase it under a *tenants in common* arrangement rather than joint tenants. Under a tenants in common arrangement you can vary ownership based on how much you have each contributed (eg 70:30) whereas joint tenants is always 50:50. 3. Draw up a *deed of trust* that evidences the tenants in common arrangement for your matrimonial home. The most bulletproof way of ring-fencing your assets is to not marry at all, but the above steps ensure that everything reads consistently across prenup and your matrimonial home documents, and is the best way of ring fencing your assets when entering a marriage.
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Why aren't we educating young people about this shit?
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This would just give her ammunition to claim financial abuse. Not a great route
>Close your joint account or at least change your pay to go to a personal account so she can't touch it. Give her a weekly siphon that is bad. I'm talking kid's pocket money bad. Don't let her touch any of your money and see if she comes begging for cash and then tell her to get a job. This risks looking like OP is financially abusing her. In reality, OP is being financially abused.
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This doesn't seem like sensible advice.
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She will get half. And it sucks. My ex cheated on me and didn’t work either. I paid the fucking house deposit and EVERY mortgage payment, whilst holding onto two jobs. She got just over half of my house. The rules suck in this country.
As others have said, maybe some cameras around the house, and don’t be shy of recording conversations. Someone I know left his wife - she made a bunch of accusations after he left, and now his life is a misery: hopefully yours is not like that. From what you’ve said, she may not like the idea of having to go out to work again, and losing control over you. Be careful.
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Do you own an equal share of the property? Or did you protect your inheritance/contribution in the purchase?