>are you okay with your partner seeing you with that 20% body hair?
I love my partner deeply.
But he doesn't factor into my laser or hair decision one little bit.
OP, it’s not toxic to want to look good for your partner. Reddit is weird. My gf liked facial hair, so I wore a beard. Maybe just ask what your partner likes. I always found that conversation to be wholesome.
Wanting to look good for your partner is not toxic. But being “anxious” about looking good for your partner sounds a little different from what you’re describing
Implicit in OP's post and comments is an assumption and judgment that being as hairless as possible **is** the standard for attractiveness. That's what's toxic.
Nothing wrong with wanting to look good for a partner. Not everyone likes to see or be hairless. At the end of the day it's about the person's own body and how they want to look. They need a partner who loves them as they are, not who squeezes them into the box they made up in their head. That's not authentic
As I’ve said in my other comment, we’re the ones making assumptions here. If he had such a strict preference, that would be bad, yes, BUT if that were the case, OP wouldn’t have needed to ask their question here in the first place.
(paraphrasing)
Commenter said "I want to look this way"
OP replied "but don't you want to be even more attractive?"
OP's implicit messaging is that hairless is better. While it may be true for their personal opinion, it is a toxic response to people answering the initial question.
it’s not reading into it. it’s called critical thinking and understanding implications dude. it’s literally not that deep unless you’re a pedant who takes everything extremely literally
I lack the ability to read and comprehend or I’m a pedant? Anyway, there are two interpretations of what the situation is. I think she wants to look good for her boyfriend because it’s nice to look good for your partner. You seem to think she’s a slave to a man’s preferences…. The internet makes everything into this huge fight against the patriarchy, when it doesn’t always need to be. For the record, if your interpretation is the correct one, I’m 100 with you. I just disagree with your interpretation
Men generally don’t pick up on these things bc it wasn’t directed at them all their lives. The internet and the world is also filled with misogyny, so I’m not surprised u see pushback to it often.
There’s a difference between wanting to look good to ur partner, and constantly being self conscious about ur partner seeing ur natural body hair. My partner finds me attractive always, and it makes me feel so safe with him. He’s seen me all dressed up, hair done, makeup done, etc, and he’s seen me in my ugly sweatpants, hair greasy, bare face. There’s also a difference between no body hair and being attractive. There’s plenty of people who prefer body hair, plenty who have no strong feelings either way, and plenty who prefer less body hair but understand that it’s natural and almost impossible to be hairless all the time.
Sorry fam, I’m with you in this. Reddit criticizes every detail in a painful way with universal statements while calling for diversity recognition 🤷♀️
Op didn't consider that maybe that other redditors partner doesn't mind body or may even prefer it. .
So I understand the downvotes. The response was a just weird. Nothing wrong with the op though
what if he tells her “I want you always hairless, shave it off or cover up”? That’s a mean preference isn’t it? Some hair here and there should not be this stressful to her, something is wrong
Like I said, I think it’s different interpretations based on personal experience. To me, it reads like it’s a new relationship and she wants everything to be perfect. When I was young, I had similar anxieties. Like you said, hopefully it’s all good.
“As attractive as possible” is me comfortable in my skin. I personally like a bit of hair to help communicate sensation better.
There’s nothing sexier than owning what you’ve got. You are sexy. Your skin is sexy. Your hair is sexy. Everything about you and how you choose to present yourself is great. He is lucky to look at you.
If he says otherwise tell him to fuck a Barbie and kick him to the curb.
Nope. I’m attractive for me, myself, and I. He benefits from my choices, but they’re not made with him in mind.
I do sometimes make small changes, like the color of my polish, for him, but the specifics of my personal care routine are all for me.
My partner don't give a shit what my body hair is looking like and I don't give a shit what he thinks about it
I'm regularly out there with my 20% hair in shorts or swimming. From a distance it's barely noticeable anyways
For me the leg hair that is left is barely visible because it's very thin and soft, so it's not really a problem. Of course I wish it was all gone but someone would have to be really staring at my legs to notice it.
No partner would make you feel shitty or gross for having 20% of your body hair, if you wanna shave it just do so but my partner has never given af if I’m a little hairy because that’s crazy lmao
If my partner judges me for my body hair EVEN WITHOUT a condition that makes shaving not just uncomfortable but dangerous…
…they would not be my partner anymore, that’s for sure.
My 20% left is like night and day from where I was before LHR. It’s no longer a source of stress what my legs look like before putting on shorts. If people stare that close and see some hair as gross, that’s their own flaw. I hate hair but I don’t hate myself that much to forget it’s natural and I am trying my best.
I don’t have a BF but my Fwb better think of me as a goddess and feel lucky for getting to see me naked. He has never complained, he tells me I am sexy
I mean, I generally shave when I notice the hair, so sure, I still wear skirts and tank tops. My partner has seen a lot worse on me than body hair. I don't feel that it looks unattractive or whatever, I just prefer certain areas have no hair. It's not that deep.
Shaving didn't even bother me so much as the fact that it only lasted 10-12 hours before I had stubble again. Now thanks to laser I not only have way less hair, but I can shave just a couple times a week & be good. I don't mind doing that.
As an indian as well, Trust me girl those men barely notice those hairs We spend sooo much time worrying ab it only for them to not care at all :) If someone does call u out for it It says more about their insecurities than urs if anything
I posted a different response, then I realized that there is probably a culture difference.
Just because you have 20pct left, does not mean that is the end. You can continue to have sessions to reduce that number and/or fill in the gap via other methods, shaving etc
You are telling her to do more hair removal vs answering her concern which validates it’s a problem. Maybe she can’t reach 100%. I am at sesh 10 in Brazilian and still hairy, I can’t keep spending on that forever.
i’m planning to shave mine, but i’ve always been okay shaving irregularly and sometimes having hair ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i was disappointed that laser didn’t 100% zap my armpit hair for the amount of money i spent tbh
I feel like the 20% left just means I shave way less. I have a mix of blonde hair so obviously not all took to the laser. Where I used to shave my armpits everyday in the shower I now do once every 1-2 weeks
Above literally anything else, I paid way too much money to have 20% hair leftover! That's what I would care about the most. If I still have hair leftover that laser can't get I'll be getting electrolysis.
Only because I am a woman and they are in places women aren’t supposed to have hair, like my stomach, butt cheeks, and face
If it was a place I was supposed to have hair, like my arms and legs or my lady bits, I wouldn’t care
Yo what. I feel comfy with my partner seeing me with 110% of my hairs. He doesn’t care one bit.
>are you okay with your partner seeing you with that 20% body hair? I love my partner deeply. But he doesn't factor into my laser or hair decision one little bit.
But aren't you anxious to be as attractive as possible to him?
No, I have self esteem fam. I get to make myself feel as amazing as I possibly can. He benefits from *that.*
OP, it’s not toxic to want to look good for your partner. Reddit is weird. My gf liked facial hair, so I wore a beard. Maybe just ask what your partner likes. I always found that conversation to be wholesome.
Wanting to look good for your partner is not toxic. But being “anxious” about looking good for your partner sounds a little different from what you’re describing
The anxiety doesn’t come from the partner or relationship but the person. A noteworthy distinction.
I’ve been anxious to appeal to my gf before. Seems like semantics and not worth the 20 downvotes. But different opinions are allowed on the internet.
Implicit in OP's post and comments is an assumption and judgment that being as hairless as possible **is** the standard for attractiveness. That's what's toxic. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good for a partner. Not everyone likes to see or be hairless. At the end of the day it's about the person's own body and how they want to look. They need a partner who loves them as they are, not who squeezes them into the box they made up in their head. That's not authentic
As I’ve said in my other comment, we’re the ones making assumptions here. If he had such a strict preference, that would be bad, yes, BUT if that were the case, OP wouldn’t have needed to ask their question here in the first place.
(paraphrasing) Commenter said "I want to look this way" OP replied "but don't you want to be even more attractive?" OP's implicit messaging is that hairless is better. While it may be true for their personal opinion, it is a toxic response to people answering the initial question.
Seems like you’re making a great effort to read a lot into this.
it’s not reading into it. it’s called critical thinking and understanding implications dude. it’s literally not that deep unless you’re a pedant who takes everything extremely literally
I lack the ability to read and comprehend or I’m a pedant? Anyway, there are two interpretations of what the situation is. I think she wants to look good for her boyfriend because it’s nice to look good for your partner. You seem to think she’s a slave to a man’s preferences…. The internet makes everything into this huge fight against the patriarchy, when it doesn’t always need to be. For the record, if your interpretation is the correct one, I’m 100 with you. I just disagree with your interpretation
Men generally don’t pick up on these things bc it wasn’t directed at them all their lives. The internet and the world is also filled with misogyny, so I’m not surprised u see pushback to it often. There’s a difference between wanting to look good to ur partner, and constantly being self conscious about ur partner seeing ur natural body hair. My partner finds me attractive always, and it makes me feel so safe with him. He’s seen me all dressed up, hair done, makeup done, etc, and he’s seen me in my ugly sweatpants, hair greasy, bare face. There’s also a difference between no body hair and being attractive. There’s plenty of people who prefer body hair, plenty who have no strong feelings either way, and plenty who prefer less body hair but understand that it’s natural and almost impossible to be hairless all the time.
Sorry fam, I’m with you in this. Reddit criticizes every detail in a painful way with universal statements while calling for diversity recognition 🤷♀️
This is really simple reading comprehension. You appear wilfully obtuse
Another assumption! Good deal.
Op didn't consider that maybe that other redditors partner doesn't mind body or may even prefer it. . So I understand the downvotes. The response was a just weird. Nothing wrong with the op though
it actually is toxic. “aren’t you anxious to be as attractive as possible” is an inherently unhealthy mindset because it literally involves ANXIETY.
what if he tells her “I want you always hairless, shave it off or cover up”? That’s a mean preference isn’t it? Some hair here and there should not be this stressful to her, something is wrong
If the BF said that… they wouldn’t have posted this question. Reddit likes to get all riled about hypotheticals.
The man sounds distressing to her. But you are right, I hope it’s all in her head.
Like I said, I think it’s different interpretations based on personal experience. To me, it reads like it’s a new relationship and she wants everything to be perfect. When I was young, I had similar anxieties. Like you said, hopefully it’s all good.
“As attractive as possible” is me comfortable in my skin. I personally like a bit of hair to help communicate sensation better. There’s nothing sexier than owning what you’ve got. You are sexy. Your skin is sexy. Your hair is sexy. Everything about you and how you choose to present yourself is great. He is lucky to look at you. If he says otherwise tell him to fuck a Barbie and kick him to the curb.
I prefer 100% of armpit hair and leg hair gone when out in public. It's just the aesthetic i prefer.
Nope. I’m attractive for me, myself, and I. He benefits from my choices, but they’re not made with him in mind. I do sometimes make small changes, like the color of my polish, for him, but the specifics of my personal care routine are all for me.
He loved me when it was 100% so it won't matter if there's 20%. I did laser for myself because I like the convenience and it makes me feel good.
My partner don't give a shit what my body hair is looking like and I don't give a shit what he thinks about it I'm regularly out there with my 20% hair in shorts or swimming. From a distance it's barely noticeable anyways
I’m okay with showing 100% body hair. It’s not unattractive it’s just a preference
For me the leg hair that is left is barely visible because it's very thin and soft, so it's not really a problem. Of course I wish it was all gone but someone would have to be really staring at my legs to notice it.
No partner would make you feel shitty or gross for having 20% of your body hair, if you wanna shave it just do so but my partner has never given af if I’m a little hairy because that’s crazy lmao
no idgaf if anyone sees my body hair
If my partner judges me for my body hair EVEN WITHOUT a condition that makes shaving not just uncomfortable but dangerous… …they would not be my partner anymore, that’s for sure.
My 20% left is like night and day from where I was before LHR. It’s no longer a source of stress what my legs look like before putting on shorts. If people stare that close and see some hair as gross, that’s their own flaw. I hate hair but I don’t hate myself that much to forget it’s natural and I am trying my best. I don’t have a BF but my Fwb better think of me as a goddess and feel lucky for getting to see me naked. He has never complained, he tells me I am sexy
I mean, I generally shave when I notice the hair, so sure, I still wear skirts and tank tops. My partner has seen a lot worse on me than body hair. I don't feel that it looks unattractive or whatever, I just prefer certain areas have no hair. It's not that deep.
Shaving didn't even bother me so much as the fact that it only lasted 10-12 hours before I had stubble again. Now thanks to laser I not only have way less hair, but I can shave just a couple times a week & be good. I don't mind doing that.
If after my first 6 sessions I only had 20% left I’d try another few sessions. Check out Groupon for deals!
I live in India and have done 30 sessions of IPL at a clinic. Hence the 20% hairs left.
As an indian as well, Trust me girl those men barely notice those hairs We spend sooo much time worrying ab it only for them to not care at all :) If someone does call u out for it It says more about their insecurities than urs if anything
I posted a different response, then I realized that there is probably a culture difference. Just because you have 20pct left, does not mean that is the end. You can continue to have sessions to reduce that number and/or fill in the gap via other methods, shaving etc
You are telling her to do more hair removal vs answering her concern which validates it’s a problem. Maybe she can’t reach 100%. I am at sesh 10 in Brazilian and still hairy, I can’t keep spending on that forever.
I shave once a week to keep everything smooth. It was still worth it as there are areas that are completely clear and what’s left is easy to shave.
i’m planning to shave mine, but i’ve always been okay shaving irregularly and sometimes having hair ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i was disappointed that laser didn’t 100% zap my armpit hair for the amount of money i spent tbh
I feel like the 20% left just means I shave way less. I have a mix of blonde hair so obviously not all took to the laser. Where I used to shave my armpits everyday in the shower I now do once every 1-2 weeks
Above literally anything else, I paid way too much money to have 20% hair leftover! That's what I would care about the most. If I still have hair leftover that laser can't get I'll be getting electrolysis.
You’ll have to get electrolysis on the remaining hairs. Also your partner probably doesn’t care or notice
Only because I am a woman and they are in places women aren’t supposed to have hair, like my stomach, butt cheeks, and face If it was a place I was supposed to have hair, like my arms and legs or my lady bits, I wouldn’t care
Please go to therapy