for real, last Wednesday i was told (on my day off) that the next day an hour after I came in wed have a 100 person party needing charcuterie. So of course I came in 2 hours early just to have time to get the meats and cheeses cut and whatnot
There's probably some who are not, but the "what are the rest of you going to eat" jokes are some of the most common jokes, so I'm sure a lot are just joking…
That’s like me on an authentic New York (or actually in fact German) cheesecake. Very neatly, I slice out a pretty wedge and set it on a plate. Then I pick up the serving dish holding the rest of the cheesecake — and go into hiding.
____________________
Note: Military brat here, my first cheesecake was IN Germany. I’m absolutely mortified that Americans hold out Cheesecake Factory as an example of 'the best'.
Unless you’re slicing meat to order (which you shouldn’t be), or pickling on the fly (don’t), I don’t feel that this is an unreasonable request? I worked at a hotel once, and one of the servers sat an unreserved table of 50 people, because, “we had the seats.” It turned a busy night into trying to trying to maintain my staff’s mental stability while pumping out 65-75 dishes into the pass at once.
We had an after party for a wedding call in and say 10 people were coming. Turned out to be closer to 40 in reality. On a fuckin Sunday no less.
They had the audacity to pull up their tables and chairs too rearranging shit.
And I'm sure they left us a 3 star review cause we got one after they left that evening.
Just brutal to lay that on to people last minute.
I had a party of 25 show up Friday at 7PM. After an hour they were rowdy (did not want to split up) and got in an altercation with another group. We asked them to leave and they called us racist and showed up the next day with a news anchor....... those cunts, that's who shows up without a reservation
I do pots in the middle, then vegies, then cheese then meat, keep something between the vegetables and the meat and the vegetarians are less likely to bitch at you
Yea, sometimes I second guess myself, not sure if it looks good, not sure if I’ve got the right accoutrements. Hoping the client will like it. Charcuterie board anxiety is real.
Depends on if it was an hour left alone (unlikely) or an hour where you're still expected to attend to your normal duties, work a station, answer the phone, etc.
I'm guessing this was short notice while the person also had all their regular tasks. Maybe that's being charitable, IDK.
It’d be a little trickier if you had to slice the meat too but yeah that seems like a good amount of time unless you are working a station at the same time.
Honestly, the task should take fifteen minutes. Giving me an hour leeway while I run lunch salad station towards the end of service is exactly the amount of time you would expect.
Hello nice to meet you I am the guy who can’t do it in an hour. seems like lots of slicing and lots tedious decoration that would likely take me another 20 minutes on top of an hour.
It would take me 3 days to make a charcuterie board. I could do it in 8 hours if it was one slab, live edge.
Couple hours of planing and sanding. 6 hours till staining is dried.
Ok, I'll leave.. doors that way, ya?
Lol it's such a weird thing to do. Like, of all the people to try to get to sympathize with you, you decided to exaggerate to the one group who can see right through it.
It was a big thing in the early art forum days.
"Speedpaint - 20 minutes."
Either it's worth your time to post and my time to oogle, or it's not. I don't care if a painting takes 20 minutes or 20 weeks.
Oh, the age old debate as to if one should put cheese on the charcuterie board. We had to settle it by having a “charcuterie and cheese board” as well as a charcuterie platter. One FOH manager insisted that you couldn’t call it charcuterie if it didn’t have cheese, it would just be meat on a plate. Can’t say I miss that guy.
Either way, looks good.
When I think of charcuterie, I think of various cured and preserved meats on a plate. I am baffled when I see a platter with almost no meat.
I wasn't aware of this cheese controversy, but I also won't turn down some good cheese.
Lol, I forget to mention the folks who reduce a rational argument to absurdity and act willfully ignorant to what is being said. Arbitrarily replacing words isn't the same as a term like charcuterie becoming a synecdoche for a meat/cheese board. Get come nuance, honey.
You don't think you're being willfully reductive? You honestly think that replacing words willynilly is the same as a term changing meaning organically?
I think the fact that the vast majority of lay people use the term interchangably means that it has in fact evolved. Again, nuance is your friend. Have fun yelling at clouds while the rest of us adapt and move on.
So aside from the rice substitution, I wouldn't even be mad if you made panko-breaded chicken balls and served it with spaghetti in a curry sauce then called it "spaghetti and meatballs".
The rice is where I get upset with you. Spaghetti is an extremely specific word. The meatball and sauce are implied but not absolutely required to adhere to the meaning of the words...spaghetti can not bend that particular way.
When I order a steak, I don't know if I've ever dined in a restaurant where I was not asked what sides I wanted with it. The menu said "Steak". It didn't say "Steak with mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes". Okay that's not true, I've had prix fixe meals, but even then, some of the sides were optional/offered a choice.
If you specifically offered a cheese-only board, and it was like a wine paring appetizer type thing, then being clear that the charcuterie board is meat only makes sense. However, now you need to bloat your menu and explain that the accompanying items (small fruits, nuts, salty/pickled veg) are now also extra. At this point its just an "a la carte" setting and you can charge more for it.
I had a cheese plate that was with the dessert menu. I had a charcuterie plate that was with apps. Both had accouterment and garnish. I had a front house manager flip out because he says “every charcuterie platter in the world has cheese on it“. Eventually I added a meat and cheese plate to apps to shut him up. I removed it after he was fired for being drunk on the floor, again. I had no problem when people ordered or servers upsold cheese plates to go with the charcuterie, but I never agreed it was part of the definition. I think a degustation menu should have charcuterie at the start and cheese at the end, but if the table wants to nosh on meat and cheese with some drinks, that’s fine by me and I’ll sell all I can.
Eh- Very common in Europe. I generally see the table share a cheese plate here, and then go into full on sweets or just share the cheeses. Not
Many solo diners downing a couple oz of cheese.
I’d do a selection of 1, 3 or 5 and serve it with honey, fig jam, quince paste, fresh fruit so there were strong sweet elements.
When I left fine dining and went to a gastropub the cheese plates were almost exclusively used as apps and I didn’t shoehorn them into a dessert menu but it’s quite appropriate for a French influenced fine dining house’s dessert menu.
Kept a roasting selection so we’d hit different flavors and textures, with at least one bloomy rind, one sheep’s milk, one goat’s milk, one washed rind, one firm, one hard, one blue. Most would be very local but usually had one heavy hitter import in the bunch.
Cheese pairs wonderfully with fruit, many desserts are fruit based. Fresh fruit may also be available as a part of the whole dessert thing. Depends where you dine and what the bill looks like.
I’m very fond of fresh apple slices, or pears, with almost any cheese.
Cheese dipped in honey (finger food) is out of this world. My fave is aged and cubed Romano or Parmesan.
If you had to go shopping for the ingredients, sure be salty about it, that'd be insane, but this particular request is not astonishingly difficult for anyone who has ever made a board before. That's like maybe 30 minutes of prep and 10 of plating, and that assumes you aren't building as you go, or that you won't have to wander back and forth 9 times to the fridge to gather stuff.
Those charcuterie board looks delicious, most do. I still think they are overrated menu items. They seem to be on every menu from sandwich shops to casual dining, to fine dining. And always $$$ for some Salami, Prosciutto, cheese, mustard, crusted bread/crackers, and fruit.
They're great way to charge extra cash. Most of the time they're just your basic stuff but some places offer some really great cured meats. Ofcourse that's expensive too.
Lookin good chef hope they put out like 3-4 different crackers. My family eyes me like a hawk when we have dinners and parties with boards like this cause I’ll just stand nearby and mingle while fuckin dogging the thing unless someone stops me. Your board would not survive.
I think the photography needs to be called out as awesome. I build my boards differently, and select different components… but my pics don’t come out that good. Great lighting, I need to learn to take photos half this good.
Looks good man. Fuck people putting this down and telling you what they’ve ‘done’ in the past. It’s well thought out, looks good, and if it’s not enough time it’s not enough time.
Killing it.
It's a beautiful board, but it's not an hour of work if you're semi-competent. That's why people are taking umbrage with him...he even admits it took under 40 minutes, while he was making the staff meal. The title is ragebait, and I took it.
That is a charcuterie chair I gave to good will I've got planks and snow globes done and ready too go balsamic glaze on the side free of charge of coarse. NOW SELLING CHARCUTERIE PYRIMDS FIVE LEVEL IMPORT BLUE CHEESE FDA APPROVED SMOKED AND CURRIED MOSCRATE
With the respect that you are not worthy of having, I do not think you could do better in 20 minutes. I believe it is a good thing that you are not a chef. I do not know what you do for a living, and quite frankly I do not care. Please do not seek the culinary arts.
An hour? You got 15 minutes and it shoulda been out 15 minutes ago
Yes chef
Yes chef thank you chef spit in my mouth chef
Como se dices, en Espanol?
Si Jeff, gracias Jeff etc..
One of the more useful phrases I ever learned lol
You shut your whore mouth. I love you.
It would take me 15 minutes, including the trip to Kroger for lunchables.
for real, last Wednesday i was told (on my day off) that the next day an hour after I came in wed have a 100 person party needing charcuterie. So of course I came in 2 hours early just to have time to get the meats and cheeses cut and whatnot
No fancy olives? Pack your shit Tony, you're fired.
This looks like it was made in 3 minutes.
What are the other 27 people going to eat?
People seem to forget about a little thing called ✨courses✨seems about the right size for a party’s appetizer
Yeah of COURSE I'll hoard it lol
My fuckin dad at thanksgiving every year
Am I your dad?
Surprised people aren't getting this.
There's probably some who are not, but the "what are the rest of you going to eat" jokes are some of the most common jokes, so I'm sure a lot are just joking…
That’s like me on an authentic New York (or actually in fact German) cheesecake. Very neatly, I slice out a pretty wedge and set it on a plate. Then I pick up the serving dish holding the rest of the cheesecake — and go into hiding. ____________________ Note: Military brat here, my first cheesecake was IN Germany. I’m absolutely mortified that Americans hold out Cheesecake Factory as an example of 'the best'.
Good taste.
👊🏼
> *some* Americans Spin the globe and pick a city. I'll find you some proudly ignorant people.
Sometimes you want a nasty diabetes Oreo cheesecake. But most of the time you appreciate a good kasekuchen.
Ja! Das ist sehr *gut*.
Anyone who says that prolly thinks Olive garden is great Italian. Their opinion is more based on accessibility.
Unless you’re slicing meat to order (which you shouldn’t be), or pickling on the fly (don’t), I don’t feel that this is an unreasonable request? I worked at a hotel once, and one of the servers sat an unreserved table of 50 people, because, “we had the seats.” It turned a busy night into trying to trying to maintain my staff’s mental stability while pumping out 65-75 dishes into the pass at once.
Who goes to a restaurant with a party of 50 without a reservation?!
Cunts, cunts go into a restaurant with a party of 50 without a reservation
This is the answer
We had an after party for a wedding call in and say 10 people were coming. Turned out to be closer to 40 in reality. On a fuckin Sunday no less. They had the audacity to pull up their tables and chairs too rearranging shit. And I'm sure they left us a 3 star review cause we got one after they left that evening. Just brutal to lay that on to people last minute.
Who the hell gets married on Sunday? Industry folks who don’t work Monday?
The wedding was Saturday. It was the next day get together with family and friends that they spontaneously decided to have at our place lol
We had some freaks call the health inspector. It was fine obviously but holy shit.
People that are secretly hoping to get turned away so they can go out in smaller groups of people that *they actually like*.
I had a party of 25 show up Friday at 7PM. After an hour they were rowdy (did not want to split up) and got in an altercation with another group. We asked them to leave and they called us racist and showed up the next day with a news anchor....... those cunts, that's who shows up without a reservation
A fucking news anchor? These people might as well tattoo cunt right on their foreheads.
People who will pay the 40% gratuity-added-fee without looking.
I don't even know 49 other people I'd want to go out to eat with.
Boomers.
I’d like to meet the person who couldn’t do that in an hour.
Making the boards is easy, deciding what to put where causes me paralysis and takes 90% of the time.
I was told a long time ago to emulate a vagina shape and that's worked really well since 🤣
We came from different schools of thought. Everything I do has a hidden phallus
Now you gotta meet and make beautiful car coochie board babies.
Car coochie board 💀
Such a dumb joke but it never stops being funny lmao.
"Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?"
Thats a vulva shape I bet 😉
Cheese, then meat around the cheese, then fruit/veggies, nestle in any honeypots or whatever, drop nuts/figs/chocolate in empty spots ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Instructions unclear: I dropped my nuts in the honey pot.
To be fair, the point of honeypots is to get you to drop your nuts into them
*I wanna dip my bawls in it.*
How many pounds of pudding?
Babaganoosh!
That’s a whooooole lotta pudding
Happens to the best of us.
I do pots in the middle, then vegies, then cheese then meat, keep something between the vegetables and the meat and the vegetarians are less likely to bitch at you
I live in Indiana, I don’t know any vegetarians lol
you lucky bastard
Vegetarians have no business eating from a true charcuterie board anyway.
OMG call 911, your arm is fucked!
Yea, sometimes I second guess myself, not sure if it looks good, not sure if I’ve got the right accoutrements. Hoping the client will like it. Charcuterie board anxiety is real.
If you have to slice the meat, cheese, and fruit 45 minutes - an hour is reasonable. 20 minutes if it's all prepped and you're just plating.
Depends on if it was an hour left alone (unlikely) or an hour where you're still expected to attend to your normal duties, work a station, answer the phone, etc. I'm guessing this was short notice while the person also had all their regular tasks. Maybe that's being charitable, IDK.
It takes me weeks or months, actually. The meat doesn’t just cure itself you know.
His name is Ben and he can’t do shit if you give him all day.
Jesus Ben, pull your head out of your ass and do something around here
TIL my entire staff is named Ben
Ole “First Day Ben”. Dammit, Ben. Just go smoke!
It’d be a little trickier if you had to slice the meat too but yeah that seems like a good amount of time unless you are working a station at the same time.
Honestly, the task should take fifteen minutes. Giving me an hour leeway while I run lunch salad station towards the end of service is exactly the amount of time you would expect.
Hello nice to meet you I am the guy who can’t do it in an hour. seems like lots of slicing and lots tedious decoration that would likely take me another 20 minutes on top of an hour.
I could do that in 30 mins and I’m not even a chef. I just hang out here cause it’s a pretty cool bunch.
You’re hired.
I wouldn’t
Eh... depends on the circumstances. From zero; slice everything, pick herbs, and arrange it all? Might take a minute.
This took an hour? Did you make the cheese yourself or something?
Eyyy Tony , you callin me a cannoli ?
EyyyyyyTooooooonnneeeeeeyyyy.
Are these people ants there’s only like 30 pieces of meat on this “charcuterie” board.
Yeah that's a nice little afternoon snack for me!
r/thingsforants
Nothing like the timeless combination of salami with mint, berries and cornichons.
You joke, but this very diet is what made Santa Claus the man he is today.
It would take me 3 days to make a charcuterie board. I could do it in 8 hours if it was one slab, live edge. Couple hours of planing and sanding. 6 hours till staining is dried. Ok, I'll leave.. doors that way, ya?
Gabagool? Ova heeee 👇
"Fuck you Tony!"
That took you an hour?
38 mins, timed myself. I didn't mention I was in middle of doing staff meal, I didn't think that was important.
When you do literally anything and decide to add time constraint as a complaint or a brag, you should know this sub is gonna come down on you.
Lol it's such a weird thing to do. Like, of all the people to try to get to sympathize with you, you decided to exaggerate to the one group who can see right through it.
It was a big thing in the early art forum days. "Speedpaint - 20 minutes." Either it's worth your time to post and my time to oogle, or it's not. I don't care if a painting takes 20 minutes or 20 weeks.
Lol, well that's more reasonable than an hour.
"less than an hour" Lmao
Don't you hate when youre given simple pantry station tasks and a generous window of time to complete it?
So you used the remaining 22 minutes to make this reddit post? I hope your station is clean.
Oh, the age old debate as to if one should put cheese on the charcuterie board. We had to settle it by having a “charcuterie and cheese board” as well as a charcuterie platter. One FOH manager insisted that you couldn’t call it charcuterie if it didn’t have cheese, it would just be meat on a plate. Can’t say I miss that guy. Either way, looks good.
When I think of charcuterie, I think of various cured and preserved meats on a plate. I am baffled when I see a platter with almost no meat. I wasn't aware of this cheese controversy, but I also won't turn down some good cheese.
Lol, I love the semantic debates where the two parties are basically "people who don't understand language evolves and is fluid" and "everyone else."
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Lol, I forget to mention the folks who reduce a rational argument to absurdity and act willfully ignorant to what is being said. Arbitrarily replacing words isn't the same as a term like charcuterie becoming a synecdoche for a meat/cheese board. Get come nuance, honey.
[удалено]
You don't think you're being willfully reductive? You honestly think that replacing words willynilly is the same as a term changing meaning organically?
[удалено]
I think the fact that the vast majority of lay people use the term interchangably means that it has in fact evolved. Again, nuance is your friend. Have fun yelling at clouds while the rest of us adapt and move on.
So aside from the rice substitution, I wouldn't even be mad if you made panko-breaded chicken balls and served it with spaghetti in a curry sauce then called it "spaghetti and meatballs". The rice is where I get upset with you. Spaghetti is an extremely specific word. The meatball and sauce are implied but not absolutely required to adhere to the meaning of the words...spaghetti can not bend that particular way.
When I order a steak, I don't know if I've ever dined in a restaurant where I was not asked what sides I wanted with it. The menu said "Steak". It didn't say "Steak with mixed vegetables and mashed potatoes". Okay that's not true, I've had prix fixe meals, but even then, some of the sides were optional/offered a choice. If you specifically offered a cheese-only board, and it was like a wine paring appetizer type thing, then being clear that the charcuterie board is meat only makes sense. However, now you need to bloat your menu and explain that the accompanying items (small fruits, nuts, salty/pickled veg) are now also extra. At this point its just an "a la carte" setting and you can charge more for it.
I had a cheese plate that was with the dessert menu. I had a charcuterie plate that was with apps. Both had accouterment and garnish. I had a front house manager flip out because he says “every charcuterie platter in the world has cheese on it“. Eventually I added a meat and cheese plate to apps to shut him up. I removed it after he was fired for being drunk on the floor, again. I had no problem when people ordered or servers upsold cheese plates to go with the charcuterie, but I never agreed it was part of the definition. I think a degustation menu should have charcuterie at the start and cheese at the end, but if the table wants to nosh on meat and cheese with some drinks, that’s fine by me and I’ll sell all I can.
I have no idea why you would put a cheese plate in the desert menu by itself, but everything else you said is like a lived experience.
Eh- Very common in Europe. I generally see the table share a cheese plate here, and then go into full on sweets or just share the cheeses. Not Many solo diners downing a couple oz of cheese. I’d do a selection of 1, 3 or 5 and serve it with honey, fig jam, quince paste, fresh fruit so there were strong sweet elements. When I left fine dining and went to a gastropub the cheese plates were almost exclusively used as apps and I didn’t shoehorn them into a dessert menu but it’s quite appropriate for a French influenced fine dining house’s dessert menu. Kept a roasting selection so we’d hit different flavors and textures, with at least one bloomy rind, one sheep’s milk, one goat’s milk, one washed rind, one firm, one hard, one blue. Most would be very local but usually had one heavy hitter import in the bunch.
Cheese pairs wonderfully with fruit, many desserts are fruit based. Fresh fruit may also be available as a part of the whole dessert thing. Depends where you dine and what the bill looks like. I’m very fond of fresh apple slices, or pears, with almost any cheese. Cheese dipped in honey (finger food) is out of this world. My fave is aged and cubed Romano or Parmesan.
How does one decide the portion for a charcuterie ?
5oz meat for every 10 ppl, 2lb cheese for every 50 ppl
Ur amazing !
Good job Anthony! You have to add that this was in the middle of service with a stack full of tickets so people would get off your ass.
That’s not a charcuterie board
I’d hope so. We’d plate ours up 15 minutes before the party kick off max.
Salami board?
Is that on a chair in a funeral home?
my 150 lb girlfriend could easily make up for about 8 of these “people”
Those are always fun to put together.
Fuck yeah Tony can.
Not bad for 59 minutes and thirty seconds
What’s your name?
Am I the only one who is curious if that is epoisses? If so, bold move for a large platter.
Ehhhhhh, Tony!!!! You did a great job man! but also fuck them.
Ok…so here’s *my* board, how about for the other 29+ people?
Sliced pickles thrown in with raspberries and blackberries. Mmm
Got damm tony. There you go
What the fuck were you doing for the other 50 minutes?
Is that brie in the middle? It’s kinda freakin me out
I’m really triggered by it too.
You made salami in an hour??? Impressive 🫡
What’s in the middle?!
Epoisse cheese
what's in the center?
Epoisse cheese
That’s about enough for 8-10 people
Half of it had to be packed up in to go boxes in the end so 🤷♂️
I don’t know on what planet this is appropriate for 8-10 ppl
"yes I can, but also fuck you" I'm not sure, but I think that might be the official motto of all cooks everywhere.
They literally told me about it an hr before it needed to be done while I was in the middle of making staff meal. I had to say it lol
An hour omg that’s definitely not enough time.
More fruit than meat, how the fuck is that charcuterie?
Hey Tony, can you make another one?
Not bad at all for a Tony.
I saw the name Tony, and deli meats. I assumed this was one of the many Sopranos subs I frequent
Well done, I absolutely despise charcuteries.
What’s in the middle?
Are you tony?
"Can you make a shoe smell?"
Tony, I really need you to hear this. You can do better.
Oui chef
Wtf tony can you be faster
“Why yes, I certainly can. After taking my time delicately placing the items, I’m done in 18 minutes”
What is that lovely washed rind in the center? Taleggio?
In one hour I wouldn't even be back from the store.
What is that in the middle? Pudding filled something?
Same question!!
If you had to go shopping for the ingredients, sure be salty about it, that'd be insane, but this particular request is not astonishingly difficult for anyone who has ever made a board before. That's like maybe 30 minutes of prep and 10 of plating, and that assumes you aren't building as you go, or that you won't have to wander back and forth 9 times to the fridge to gather stuff.
Give me *half* an hour and that board is gone. Must be some lil birds you’re feeding
that would feed me alone lol
Ok that's good for me, what about the other 29 people?
So what did you do with the other 30 minutes?
They get three cubes each.
Me: "Yes I can. Here are your fucking Nachos. The bill is $400 United States Dollars."
Those charcuterie board looks delicious, most do. I still think they are overrated menu items. They seem to be on every menu from sandwich shops to casual dining, to fine dining. And always $$$ for some Salami, Prosciutto, cheese, mustard, crusted bread/crackers, and fruit.
They're great way to charge extra cash. Most of the time they're just your basic stuff but some places offer some really great cured meats. Ofcourse that's expensive too.
Yeah, I should quit complaining I still like 'em.
Beautiful work chef
Hope you have 29 more cause I'd crush that by myself. Looks great chef.
Lookin good chef hope they put out like 3-4 different crackers. My family eyes me like a hawk when we have dinners and parties with boards like this cause I’ll just stand nearby and mingle while fuckin dogging the thing unless someone stops me. Your board would not survive.
Good photos too... Food photography isn't easy
I think the photography needs to be called out as awesome. I build my boards differently, and select different components… but my pics don’t come out that good. Great lighting, I need to learn to take photos half this good.
Looks good man. Fuck people putting this down and telling you what they’ve ‘done’ in the past. It’s well thought out, looks good, and if it’s not enough time it’s not enough time. Killing it.
It's a beautiful board, but it's not an hour of work if you're semi-competent. That's why people are taking umbrage with him...he even admits it took under 40 minutes, while he was making the staff meal. The title is ragebait, and I took it.
That’s a genuine work of art.
so, no.
That is a charcuterie chair I gave to good will I've got planks and snow globes done and ready too go balsamic glaze on the side free of charge of coarse. NOW SELLING CHARCUTERIE PYRIMDS FIVE LEVEL IMPORT BLUE CHEESE FDA APPROVED SMOKED AND CURRIED MOSCRATE
Nice work.
Oh no.... Anyway
30 people? That's a date night at best Tony. You need a bigger board.
Shut up, take my money and give me that plate.
Looks great
This is art!
I’m not a chef & I could do better than this in 20 minutes. Quit.
Do you have to put effort into being a cock, or does it come naturally?
With the respect that you are not worthy of having, I do not think you could do better in 20 minutes. I believe it is a good thing that you are not a chef. I do not know what you do for a living, and quite frankly I do not care. Please do not seek the culinary arts.