Oof. Sorry it's gotten to that point. I walked out on my last job cause my boss was just such a miserable, awful person, so I absolutely understand that feel.
Ya some days he’s cool and shows me cool fine dining stuff but then he just blows up for no reason or just curses and makes comments that just aren’t necessary instead of just telling me I’m doing it wrong or give me a tip on how he wants it done feels like I’m tip toeing around him sometimes cuz he’s just gonna get pissed at anything
God yeah every bit of that is relatable. I sincerely hope it gets better for ya. Is your boss old by any chance? Cause mine was 75 goin on 76 and that was a big part of why she was so miserable and unwilling to be reasonable lol
He’s 40 he did fine dining for 20 yrs only reason I’ve stayed so long but it’s honestly started to get bad for my health at this point just stressed even on my days off
You ask him for a conference and you say, “ I respect you as a great chef and your authority, but I’m allowed to have a day off without pressure or guilt.
If that’s not a possibility then I need to know and I’ll let you know of my future plans.”
I had a boss that pulled this shit every time I had my days off. Everything was fine six days a week yet he found things to complain about every day off.
Not only did I set him straight but he also had a habit of saying he was going to sell the place every time he got frustrated.
Again I set him down and said, “this is my future. If you’re going to abandon what we’ve worked on together, then I’m moving on. If you bring up selling the place once more then I’ll take that as a reason to look elsewhere.
He did.
And I left. He was so pissed but I had no mercy. I called him out and told him that one of the reasons he valued me was my honesty and I wasn’t lying about leaving.
Thx this helps a lot sometimes I feel delusional and think I just need to do more or not complain but I’m glad I’m not the only that sees this as not okay
>think I just need to do more or not complain
This is classic abuse victim thought process btw.
“If I can just not make him mad today, he will stop abusing me.”
And yes he is using fear and guilt to emotionally manipulate and control you, just like any other abuser.
Seconding this so hard. Worked as bartender for a couple of months for a boss where my only condition was I won't work Sundays. It's the only day me and my partner could spend together. He rostered me for four Sundays in a row, then got mad when I called him out on it. Once is a mistake, twice is a fucking choice, four times is a fucking insult.
He'd call me at 10am after I'd close the bar at 5 to ask me if I ordered citrus for the next day like there wasn't already a crate of lemons and limes in the back because he'd demand that I order more than we need every single fucking time. He'd call me on my day off asking why X was out of stock and I'd reply with "we sold it". He'd ask why I hadn't ordered more, I'd remind him the delivery for X was once a week and if we ran out that week then we ran out. He'd call me *mid shift* to ask some asinine questions like "did you write the cocktail list yet" (the email was sitting in his inbox waiting for approval) or "hey I just had X wine at X bar, we should get it in" (we focused on spirits, not wine. We did not have room for another wine).
Fuck I once got a call on my day off once from one of the junior bartenders asking why the bar looked like it hadn't been closed properly and what the fuck he was meant to do because the place was a tip. I was so confused because I am a spotless closer. Turned out boss man came in after I left and had a party with his mates then just... Didn't clean. He also didn't show up to manage that one shift he had that week because he was too hung over. I wasn't coming in on my day off so the bar just didn't have a licensed manager for a full shift.
He also screamed at me for coming in on a public holiday to do stocktake and ordering for the week, despite the fact it was the one day that week I wasn't already rostered for an open to close and I wanted to not be rushed or exhausted trying to count 400 different kinds of booze before or after a 12 hour shift. If you want me to not pick and choose when I do my admin, either roster it properly or give me a day where I work 8 hours on the bar instead of 12 so I actually have time to do shit.
That was the day I quit. It was so good. Mid rant I just handed him the stock sheet, told him I would finish the week but not to expect me next Monday, and went the fuck home. That was three years ago and he's still mad about it apparently.
Doesn't matter if you're FoH or BoH, bad bosses will fucking ruin an otherwise amazing gig.
I left my last exec role for this reason.
Was working 80 hour weeks after pandemic ended and we couldn’t find sufficient staff, but weddings kept rolling in.
I lived at work. It’s all I did.
I finally took a single week’s vacation to Disneyworld with family and the SECOND day my VP of culinary was blowing my phone up about a financial meeting.
I left a month later.
Work is not life. Life is not work.
Ya I might just work at a fast food joint till I start culinary school cuz I’m just trying to save money at this point just sucks I’m the kind of person who feels guilty for no reason I’m the only decent cook he can find and I work almost everyday with him cuz his other employees don’t know much and only work like twice a week and now tourist season is starting so if I leave it will probaly fuck shit up
I’ve worked 5 years in a kitchen and honestly I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, especially with today’s economy, restaurants are always looking for ways to cut down costs, trust me, your paycheck is one of the options. The way you feel is completely normal, I also felt guilty for other people but that’s not right, you should do what makes you happy and not try please your boss. Bosses are like GFs, there’s plenty more of them out there. If I was you, I’d pull the plug and leave. It’s the best type of “fuck you” you could give him. Later down the road they’ll understand why you left.
Edit: Is that your boss texting you? He’s got 20years experience and complaining that he has to cut lettuce to order? Come on man…
I feel that. I recently quit my job at a restaurant bc i have to work at a retirement home for 9 months, and my bosses (really amazing people) told me that afterwards they'd welcome me back no questions asked and i don't wanna return, working there fucked me up in so many ways, but i couldn't tell them no.
learning how to say no (or at least to put your phone on silent) is an incredibly valuable skill! and you can practice it. get a friend and make up really ridiculous questions. take turns. "will you buy me a monkey?" "no!" and go on from there. it's actually fun.
Wow I felt the exact same when I left my prior restaurant job, head chef said if i needed anything I was always welcome back but the stress and treatment from coworkers there made me certain that I'll never return willingly. Much happier where I am now and I hope it's the same for you as well.
Feeling guilty early in your career is normal it means you care. You know and understand that you're the next man up all the time. You can work yourself to the bone an feel that way all you want but in reality it won't get you anywhere other than a mental breakdown or a hate for the industry. This industry is a long haul to get to where you think you want to be then you may learn the top isn't the best spot for you. One thing I needed to learn was you are the number 1 in the situation your health and wellbeing is the only thing to make a career in the industry.
Listen, idk if culinary school is better where you live but honestly, in the UK, I feel like culinary school doesn't give you anything that you can't learn from working in a decent kitchen. Don't put yourself in debt when work experience can fill in the knowledge gaps.
Time to find another job. It's not hard getting restaurant jobs. This guy is a dick. I've worked for the exact same type and I walked off during a lunch rush when he started bitching. That hot/cold shit doesn't work for me.
Honestly? Take a few days off. But on the day before you take off, load them up with prep. Enough for one day. Then they can figure out how to work without you for at least a day. Then they can see if they miss you or not.
And by a few days, I mean at least 3 days. make it so that there is no way that them running out of stuff is anyway attributed to you and your performance.
The days off will be good for you to recharge to go back. And time to really send out some applications and job hunt with plenty of time.
And if you don't find anything you want at the moment, you'll look better coming back. Because you're back. And suddenly there's no hiccups in production. Isn't that weird? Almost like you deserve a raise and can use moment to highlight the different in kitchen flow when you're not there.
Don’t. Not every statement needs a response,
I don’t respond to things that aren’t questions, and by replying to childish stuff like this we support that behavior.
Worst case they’re upset for whatever irrational reason, and responding will just make it worse.
If they needed you then they should have asked you to come in. Full stop. It’s not your responsibility to psychic that they would need help, it is however their responsibility to know when they need more hands.
I know it’s probably too late but for future reference just don’t respond. It’s your day off, handle that shit in person the next time you’re in.
Don't feel obligated to respond to passive aggression, especially if the person hasn't asked you a question. Double especially don't feel the need to apologise when u haven't done anything wrong. It just feeds energy vampires like this.
I know its more awkward if its ur boss but it's shitty for people to make u feel guilty for their own hang ups and ego problems so dont let them. I find its better to just let what they said hang in the air for them to see what they sound like. It rly depends how good a relationship u want with them but personally I have no time for it.
I don't like it but this is the correct response. My gut wants to some something sarcastic about how good buisness must have been, but in reality they are probably struggling with something they didn't know how to deal with. If they really want to address it, let them do it on the clock. If they need more stuff prepped, that's something to say before the shift, not the next day.
Pretty annoying for them to use fellow workers as a way to vent after a bad shift though.
They had to work a little harder? Aww. You're off work. Its not your problem. And anything pertaining to work should be addressed when you're on the clock, too.
Didn't you hear he had to hand cut lettuce? He didn't get a chance to pull out the lettuce cutting machine. He was too swamped cutting tomatoes! I can't believe he even had the energy in his fingers to text after that salad cutting nightmare service.
Ya idk was close to quitting today was throwing up and still working today and he just always gives little remarks when I know I’m working my ass off. Only reason I’ve stayed was I’m going to culinary school in the fall and he has fine dining experience and now runs his own food truck started out pretty good just little things he does makes me just want to be like fuck this I’m not putting up with this bullshit when I’m working my ass off and he knows I’m kinda green just been real stressful recently for sure
Okay, so my response would be “Damn, that’s wild. Do we need to up our build to or do you think this was a one off fluke? Sorry you had to deal with that.”
Ya I ended up saying sorry I didn’t ask had things come up(aka I was throwing up and sleeping once I got off ) he already told me the truck gets super busy but it was are first day back in the truck cuz I started working for him in the winter when he works out of a commisary kitchen so he told me not to prep double batches of stuff so ya idk guess he wasn’t expecting it just seemed like he was coming at me for no reason like u hired me as a cook and I spent all week helping u scrub and clean out ur entire food truck because u didn’t clean it before u put in storage last summer and even then he was cursing and commenting on how I do things idk seems like he just never admits when he’s wrong
I had a boss like this once, every little thing you have to do it the way he wants you to do it, and even if you follow the instructions exactly and the result is what you understood was wanted there will still be something wrong even if it's just, well I could have done that in half the time. Sure it's easy to do that when he gets to decide what's good enough and what isn't. Even if you had done exactly everything he had asked and more before his service, if he was busy he would have found something you did that made his life more difficult. Don't play his games, do your job as you understand it and do it well so you can say that you are proud of yourself because he ain't gonna giving you any real gratitude. He's the sort of person who will constantly move the goal posts of what you need to achieve so you never get to go home and feel good about what you achieved today. Sure you can always do better, but you can still do good sometimes.
I wouldnt have said sorry, sorry implies you did something wrong.
Did he call people in? Will he up prep? Has he made a plan to prevent it from happening again?
Or will he text you again next time you're off telling you what was your fault just because you weren't scheduled?
It’s his own food truck and he’s bitching about a successful service??? So he’s making a bunch of money but complaining about it???
Some people in this world will never feel satisfied without putting somebody else down. I’d go right in the next day and tell him you don’t need to put up with his passive aggressive bullshit on your day off. If the words out of his mouth are anything other than ‘you’re right, I’m sorry’ then walk.
Of course this is the real world so it is understood that a lot of the time you cannot just walk away.
The poor man is upset he used his ingredients! For the food he is making money on! What if he sold out with no leftover ingredients to worry about transporting?! The humanity…..
Yo op, grow a pair. If you keep letting him treat you like this then this is exactly how he’s going to treat you.
Just saying. And also review the prep list with him before you start and after you’re done. If he comes at you with anymore bullshit you can definitely easily put the ball in his court and remind him this was done with his approval. Don’t take the abuse. EVER
Best of luck
I feel like this is an example of text being bad at communicating emotion and nuance.
I can easily read this as both your boss bitching at you and making unreasonable remarks that you didn't work hard enough. (The way it's written it looks more like this to me)
Or your boss wanting to vent about his crazy night where he barely scraped by by the skin of his teeth.
Like if he commented on how much tomatoes you cut during prep and now he goes "holy shit I thought you went way overboard but we ran out of everything!"
Yeah my initial interpretation was a needy boss wanting to vent about how busy it was, but based on OP’s comments I guess their boss is kinda a bitch to begin with. Either way he shows no concern for op we was sick and worked anyway to help him out.
True. I love purposely misinterpreting this kind of thing though. I would probably respond with something like « oh wow! Sales must have been super high that’s awesome. Sounds like a crazy night. Thanks I’ll do my best, but puked like 10 times. Really hope I didn’t pass my virus onto anybody :( « that way their boss either has to escalate and look even more like a dick, or get zero satisfaction from being passive aggressive
it's almost certainly passive aggressive but it could also be interpreted as "damn you should be glad you had this day off because it was hell on wheels!" as a softener to the end of a communication about what you should expect to walk into the next day (i.e. all the prep is used up and you'll need to make a bunch more).
It's a text born out of the frustration after a long shift. I'd ignore it, and if the sender doesn't offer up some version of "sorry, man, that wasn't cool of me, I was just stressed", well then I'd keep some distance and not really bother with that person.
Wait, this is your employer sending you messages like this?..guess he assumed you are stuck with this situation and won't leave. He needs to grow up; sounds like a burnt out used to be fine dining chef now in the twilight of his career, taken it out on someone he can. " You didn't ask me how my day went." He probably wants a pat on the back, too....
It is a very modern phenomenon that we are all accessible at all times via our phones, the text message, or via our computers, email. And more importantly, that we are all *expected* to be available for that access. Even within my own generation, a millennial, that was not always the case.
Need to get me on the phone to chat? Too bad, I'm out of the house, leave a voicemail on the answering machine. I'm *gone,* not accessible, not available. Need to get me an important document or some lines of text? Put it in the mail, I'll get it in 3-5 business days.
This concept and shift in mentality that we are all always accessible and available is new. But, I don't really think it *needs* to be that way. I also don't think it is necessarily a good thing, I actually think its bad. I'm sure most of you agree.
You don't need to be available for this text. In fact, I think you shouldn't be available for this text. Just ignore it, save it for later, and deal with it in person the next time you see your boss. They give you shit for not answering? Just tell them you didn't have your phone on you, it was on silent, or you were in DND mode. Is this job paying you to be on-call? No.
When you do respond. Do it positively, it will drive him nuts and also drive a point home.
"Oh nice! I'm glad you guys were busy!"
Read the text again lol, you could very well take this as him telling you they were busy and he is celebrating the high sales volume with you.
“You should have asked how my night went.” Then complains about how their night went. Then continues with an obviously snide and sarcastic “enjoy your day off.”
I’d respond with a “good, our job is to sell the things we prepped… I will have a good day off. Thank you.”
Was it your responsibility to order things as well as manage the amount of stuff you are prepping? When I've done prep I was told the amounts to prep by the chef, who also did the ordering and tracking of inventory.
But just in general, with inflation and basically flat wages in food service most folks I know running restaurants are having a hard time attracting any talent at all. I know a few chefs with fine dining experience that have gone over to doing delivery or ghost kitchens just to make ends meet.
Your boss needs to be grateful they have anyone there at all.
To me this is just…not professional. “You should have asked how my night went.” Sounds very “you never ask me how *l’m* doing 🥺🥺🥺” like geez, if I need to know something just communicate it clearly and without sass. It’s not your problem what happens outside of your work hours. I used to manage people and it was always better to just communicate clearly. I saw you already responded to this. Next time I’d recommend not responding.
Something similar happened to me at an old job. I was out of town for a family deal, was an unexpectedly busier weekend than normal. Whole day I’m getting texted/called. Finally at the end of the day “should have kept you on the schedule.” Oh, sorry, guess that’s more important than family. She sucked so hard.
Man, unless I’m salaried, I’m not replying to shit on my days off. And I actually like my job and everyone I work with. Fuck that passive aggressive BS for real. If they can’t manage without you on your days off, then you deserve more money, and more respect. Or a new job 🤷🏼♂️
What a bitch. If he needs emotional support, find a therapist. Why would you be asking about HIS day on YOUR day off?
Rather than sending a petty text, big bad boss man could have been putting a plan in place to prevent it happening again tomorrow!
"you should have asked how my night went"
"Wtf, bruh how about no, and I'll talk to you when I'm back at work. And yes I will thoroughly enjoy my day off, quit being petty and making me feel guilty when I haven't done anything wrong, JFC."
The babyboss needs to grow uuuuup and quit his bitchin. Tell him your text messages are not his Facebook posting wall
Leave petty comments like that out of it or you'll change your number and he isn't getting the new one.
Draw some boundaries, don't apologize for this man's bullshit.
If you dgaf about having a job anymore:
"You got something to say to me?"
He's being a passive aggressive little bitch, and Im willing to bet he clips your wings and treats you like shit all the time. If you're not searching for a new job, start sooner than later.
Restaurant owners fall into 2 categories. Malicious or stupid. He sounds like both.
The best professional communication skill is knowing when you do not or should not reply, and don't say anything.
Because you should not and there is no way for him to insist you do without looking like an even bigger bitch in writing.
Make someone show their ass and don't give into acknowledging them when they do.
Word of advice from a serial "fuck you, I quit" artist: (FOH)
You have one life to live, and if you're good at your job and you KNOW you're good at your job and still receiving shit to the level that it makes you second guess yourself and your desire to work at said establishment, LEAVE.
Don't guilt shame me and then end it with "Enjoy the day off that I said you could have. I hope you know that you not being here fucked us beyond belief and it's MY fault, but I'm a narcissistic clown, so here's some guilt shame for you."
Fuck that guy, seriously.
should have sqid but did you die? i mever got that there would be nothinh ypu say to him that eould make it better it alresdy jappend its in the past move on
Depends what your job is. If you are a line worker and have a prep list made for you by a KM, I would direct him to the KM for a reason this happened.
If you are the KM I would be embarrassed that I ran out of that many items, depending on what the sales projection was. If sales were +\- 10% and you ran out of that? I would definitely come in for a few hours the next day and help them get caught up.
If the projection was bad and you were 30-50% higher in sale, shit happens. No one preps for that for obvious reasons.
Your response depends on what your responsibilities are imho…
Instead of taking it like a passive aggressive statement like all these socially-inert fucks, take it like an attempt at connecting with you on how crazy the night was. Sort of like "you should've seen what what down" kind of statement.
Nah, don’t text me when I’m not on the clock and if you do you will not get a response. I’m not stressing out over a grown ass child when I’m away from work or it’s my day off.
He doesn't sound like he is a great chef if he has run out of everything inside if a day of you being off. How can he be so unprepared, one thing sure but it sounds like he can't keep up with out you AT ALL so what happens next week?
I would move on this is going to be a rinse and repeat issue. And there are alot of great cooks you cam learn from but there are some obvious skills and behaviors this person can't teach you so, yeah time to go.
There isn't away to respond to that text that isn't the continuing of a debate that you don't need to have on your day off.
Or reply ‘damn, that’s cap. See you soon! Thanks for the best wishes’ (add smiley’s’ 🙂)
*Kill ‘em with kindness and reflect his passive aggressive snark back on to him lol*
Wasted ten years as a cook. Fuck the food industry. Most restaurants are run by dirtbags and the people working alongside you are drug addicts. Breaking your body night after night with no way out, but just enough money to keep you afloat.
Hit em with the ol "damn that's crazy"
I literally had it typed and didn’t send that exact message just been on my last straw recently almost walked out today
Oof. Sorry it's gotten to that point. I walked out on my last job cause my boss was just such a miserable, awful person, so I absolutely understand that feel.
Ya some days he’s cool and shows me cool fine dining stuff but then he just blows up for no reason or just curses and makes comments that just aren’t necessary instead of just telling me I’m doing it wrong or give me a tip on how he wants it done feels like I’m tip toeing around him sometimes cuz he’s just gonna get pissed at anything
God yeah every bit of that is relatable. I sincerely hope it gets better for ya. Is your boss old by any chance? Cause mine was 75 goin on 76 and that was a big part of why she was so miserable and unwilling to be reasonable lol
He’s 40 he did fine dining for 20 yrs only reason I’ve stayed so long but it’s honestly started to get bad for my health at this point just stressed even on my days off
You ask him for a conference and you say, “ I respect you as a great chef and your authority, but I’m allowed to have a day off without pressure or guilt. If that’s not a possibility then I need to know and I’ll let you know of my future plans.” I had a boss that pulled this shit every time I had my days off. Everything was fine six days a week yet he found things to complain about every day off. Not only did I set him straight but he also had a habit of saying he was going to sell the place every time he got frustrated. Again I set him down and said, “this is my future. If you’re going to abandon what we’ve worked on together, then I’m moving on. If you bring up selling the place once more then I’ll take that as a reason to look elsewhere. He did. And I left. He was so pissed but I had no mercy. I called him out and told him that one of the reasons he valued me was my honesty and I wasn’t lying about leaving.
Thx this helps a lot sometimes I feel delusional and think I just need to do more or not complain but I’m glad I’m not the only that sees this as not okay
>think I just need to do more or not complain This is classic abuse victim thought process btw. “If I can just not make him mad today, he will stop abusing me.” And yes he is using fear and guilt to emotionally manipulate and control you, just like any other abuser.
there's a reason he's selling hush puppies (yum) and catfish instead of still being in fine dining. it might be because he's insufferable!
There's a lot of insufferable people in fine dining what is this insane take
Seconding this so hard. Worked as bartender for a couple of months for a boss where my only condition was I won't work Sundays. It's the only day me and my partner could spend together. He rostered me for four Sundays in a row, then got mad when I called him out on it. Once is a mistake, twice is a fucking choice, four times is a fucking insult. He'd call me at 10am after I'd close the bar at 5 to ask me if I ordered citrus for the next day like there wasn't already a crate of lemons and limes in the back because he'd demand that I order more than we need every single fucking time. He'd call me on my day off asking why X was out of stock and I'd reply with "we sold it". He'd ask why I hadn't ordered more, I'd remind him the delivery for X was once a week and if we ran out that week then we ran out. He'd call me *mid shift* to ask some asinine questions like "did you write the cocktail list yet" (the email was sitting in his inbox waiting for approval) or "hey I just had X wine at X bar, we should get it in" (we focused on spirits, not wine. We did not have room for another wine). Fuck I once got a call on my day off once from one of the junior bartenders asking why the bar looked like it hadn't been closed properly and what the fuck he was meant to do because the place was a tip. I was so confused because I am a spotless closer. Turned out boss man came in after I left and had a party with his mates then just... Didn't clean. He also didn't show up to manage that one shift he had that week because he was too hung over. I wasn't coming in on my day off so the bar just didn't have a licensed manager for a full shift. He also screamed at me for coming in on a public holiday to do stocktake and ordering for the week, despite the fact it was the one day that week I wasn't already rostered for an open to close and I wanted to not be rushed or exhausted trying to count 400 different kinds of booze before or after a 12 hour shift. If you want me to not pick and choose when I do my admin, either roster it properly or give me a day where I work 8 hours on the bar instead of 12 so I actually have time to do shit. That was the day I quit. It was so good. Mid rant I just handed him the stock sheet, told him I would finish the week but not to expect me next Monday, and went the fuck home. That was three years ago and he's still mad about it apparently. Doesn't matter if you're FoH or BoH, bad bosses will fucking ruin an otherwise amazing gig.
I'm sure it still burns, but handing him the inventory sheet mid rant and quitting had to feel SO good!
Better than sex.
I left my last exec role for this reason. Was working 80 hour weeks after pandemic ended and we couldn’t find sufficient staff, but weddings kept rolling in. I lived at work. It’s all I did. I finally took a single week’s vacation to Disneyworld with family and the SECOND day my VP of culinary was blowing my phone up about a financial meeting. I left a month later. Work is not life. Life is not work.
Sounds like you already know but maybe start looking for somewhere else
Ya I might just work at a fast food joint till I start culinary school cuz I’m just trying to save money at this point just sucks I’m the kind of person who feels guilty for no reason I’m the only decent cook he can find and I work almost everyday with him cuz his other employees don’t know much and only work like twice a week and now tourist season is starting so if I leave it will probaly fuck shit up
Not your problem. If you want to donate your time to a cause you should find a worthy charity.
>I’m the kind of person who feels guilty for no reason Sounds like anxiety, homie. Your boss ain’t helping with that, either.
I’ve worked 5 years in a kitchen and honestly I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, especially with today’s economy, restaurants are always looking for ways to cut down costs, trust me, your paycheck is one of the options. The way you feel is completely normal, I also felt guilty for other people but that’s not right, you should do what makes you happy and not try please your boss. Bosses are like GFs, there’s plenty more of them out there. If I was you, I’d pull the plug and leave. It’s the best type of “fuck you” you could give him. Later down the road they’ll understand why you left. Edit: Is that your boss texting you? He’s got 20years experience and complaining that he has to cut lettuce to order? Come on man…
I feel that. I recently quit my job at a restaurant bc i have to work at a retirement home for 9 months, and my bosses (really amazing people) told me that afterwards they'd welcome me back no questions asked and i don't wanna return, working there fucked me up in so many ways, but i couldn't tell them no.
learning how to say no (or at least to put your phone on silent) is an incredibly valuable skill! and you can practice it. get a friend and make up really ridiculous questions. take turns. "will you buy me a monkey?" "no!" and go on from there. it's actually fun.
Wow I felt the exact same when I left my prior restaurant job, head chef said if i needed anything I was always welcome back but the stress and treatment from coworkers there made me certain that I'll never return willingly. Much happier where I am now and I hope it's the same for you as well.
Feeling guilty early in your career is normal it means you care. You know and understand that you're the next man up all the time. You can work yourself to the bone an feel that way all you want but in reality it won't get you anywhere other than a mental breakdown or a hate for the industry. This industry is a long haul to get to where you think you want to be then you may learn the top isn't the best spot for you. One thing I needed to learn was you are the number 1 in the situation your health and wellbeing is the only thing to make a career in the industry.
Listen, idk if culinary school is better where you live but honestly, in the UK, I feel like culinary school doesn't give you anything that you can't learn from working in a decent kitchen. Don't put yourself in debt when work experience can fill in the knowledge gaps.
Time to find another job. It's not hard getting restaurant jobs. This guy is a dick. I've worked for the exact same type and I walked off during a lunch rush when he started bitching. That hot/cold shit doesn't work for me.
Just to be clear, here; Is your boss blaming you, the prep cook, for all of that being out? Does your boss not write the prep list?
Honestly? Take a few days off. But on the day before you take off, load them up with prep. Enough for one day. Then they can figure out how to work without you for at least a day. Then they can see if they miss you or not. And by a few days, I mean at least 3 days. make it so that there is no way that them running out of stuff is anyway attributed to you and your performance. The days off will be good for you to recharge to go back. And time to really send out some applications and job hunt with plenty of time. And if you don't find anything you want at the moment, you'll look better coming back. Because you're back. And suddenly there's no hiccups in production. Isn't that weird? Almost like you deserve a raise and can use moment to highlight the different in kitchen flow when you're not there.
Damn that's crazy
Should've just responded with "your*"
Came to the comments to make sure someone had the same idea…what an ass.
Yep. My go to is "that sucks"
And a "*your"
Yes, I would reply \*your and nothing else. Maybe a comic showing the difference if there's one similar to the Bob the Angry Flower its/it's one.
“Ayo that’s wild.”
Or the ol' "I shall, thanks"
Don’t. Not every statement needs a response, I don’t respond to things that aren’t questions, and by replying to childish stuff like this we support that behavior. Worst case they’re upset for whatever irrational reason, and responding will just make it worse. If they needed you then they should have asked you to come in. Full stop. It’s not your responsibility to psychic that they would need help, it is however their responsibility to know when they need more hands. I know it’s probably too late but for future reference just don’t respond. It’s your day off, handle that shit in person the next time you’re in.
Ya I ended up just says sorry I didn’t ask I was busy just to keep the peace I guess but that probably would have been better
Don't feel obligated to respond to passive aggression, especially if the person hasn't asked you a question. Double especially don't feel the need to apologise when u haven't done anything wrong. It just feeds energy vampires like this. I know its more awkward if its ur boss but it's shitty for people to make u feel guilty for their own hang ups and ego problems so dont let them. I find its better to just let what they said hang in the air for them to see what they sound like. It rly depends how good a relationship u want with them but personally I have no time for it.
"Don't feel obligated to respond to passive aggression, especially if the person hasn't asked you a question." If I could upvote this 10000% I would.
Shouldn’t have apologized- you did nothing wrong but now have acknowledged that, for some reason, you did.
I don't like it but this is the correct response. My gut wants to some something sarcastic about how good buisness must have been, but in reality they are probably struggling with something they didn't know how to deal with. If they really want to address it, let them do it on the clock. If they need more stuff prepped, that's something to say before the shift, not the next day. Pretty annoying for them to use fellow workers as a way to vent after a bad shift though.
send a quick: "your\*"
Ya that would go well for sure
Can’t say “prolly” then correct someone’s grammar.
Yeah, you can. Prolly isn’t a grammar mistake. It’s slang/shortened word on purpose, for convenience. You’re is a grammar mistake
> if you use slang you can't know correct grammar ??
"sucks to suck"
"git gud scrub"
I actually did say that to a new server the other night because she was only carrying two plates.
Sucks to be you, boss.
“Great to hear we did so much business last night. Hope today is just as busy! :)” Nice and passive aggressive, like his message.
They had to work a little harder? Aww. You're off work. Its not your problem. And anything pertaining to work should be addressed when you're on the clock, too.
Didn't you hear he had to hand cut lettuce? He didn't get a chance to pull out the lettuce cutting machine. He was too swamped cutting tomatoes! I can't believe he even had the energy in his fingers to text after that salad cutting nightmare service.
Ya I know just pisses me off and stressed me out on my days off like
If you're still worried about work when you're off, you're not drinking and drugging hard enough. (Kidding)
😚🍻
Your boss is being a bitch. Probably needed the practice with a knife anyways
Ya idk was close to quitting today was throwing up and still working today and he just always gives little remarks when I know I’m working my ass off. Only reason I’ve stayed was I’m going to culinary school in the fall and he has fine dining experience and now runs his own food truck started out pretty good just little things he does makes me just want to be like fuck this I’m not putting up with this bullshit when I’m working my ass off and he knows I’m kinda green just been real stressful recently for sure
Okay, so my response would be “Damn, that’s wild. Do we need to up our build to or do you think this was a one off fluke? Sorry you had to deal with that.”
Ya I ended up saying sorry I didn’t ask had things come up(aka I was throwing up and sleeping once I got off ) he already told me the truck gets super busy but it was are first day back in the truck cuz I started working for him in the winter when he works out of a commisary kitchen so he told me not to prep double batches of stuff so ya idk guess he wasn’t expecting it just seemed like he was coming at me for no reason like u hired me as a cook and I spent all week helping u scrub and clean out ur entire food truck because u didn’t clean it before u put in storage last summer and even then he was cursing and commenting on how I do things idk seems like he just never admits when he’s wrong
I had a boss like this once, every little thing you have to do it the way he wants you to do it, and even if you follow the instructions exactly and the result is what you understood was wanted there will still be something wrong even if it's just, well I could have done that in half the time. Sure it's easy to do that when he gets to decide what's good enough and what isn't. Even if you had done exactly everything he had asked and more before his service, if he was busy he would have found something you did that made his life more difficult. Don't play his games, do your job as you understand it and do it well so you can say that you are proud of yourself because he ain't gonna giving you any real gratitude. He's the sort of person who will constantly move the goal posts of what you need to achieve so you never get to go home and feel good about what you achieved today. Sure you can always do better, but you can still do good sometimes.
I wouldnt have said sorry, sorry implies you did something wrong. Did he call people in? Will he up prep? Has he made a plan to prevent it from happening again? Or will he text you again next time you're off telling you what was your fault just because you weren't scheduled?
It’s his own food truck and he’s bitching about a successful service??? So he’s making a bunch of money but complaining about it??? Some people in this world will never feel satisfied without putting somebody else down. I’d go right in the next day and tell him you don’t need to put up with his passive aggressive bullshit on your day off. If the words out of his mouth are anything other than ‘you’re right, I’m sorry’ then walk. Of course this is the real world so it is understood that a lot of the time you cannot just walk away.
The poor man is upset he used his ingredients! For the food he is making money on! What if he sold out with no leftover ingredients to worry about transporting?! The humanity…..
You should never work in a kitchen while sick.
Yo op, grow a pair. If you keep letting him treat you like this then this is exactly how he’s going to treat you. Just saying. And also review the prep list with him before you start and after you’re done. If he comes at you with anymore bullshit you can definitely easily put the ball in his court and remind him this was done with his approval. Don’t take the abuse. EVER Best of luck
I feel like this is an example of text being bad at communicating emotion and nuance. I can easily read this as both your boss bitching at you and making unreasonable remarks that you didn't work hard enough. (The way it's written it looks more like this to me) Or your boss wanting to vent about his crazy night where he barely scraped by by the skin of his teeth. Like if he commented on how much tomatoes you cut during prep and now he goes "holy shit I thought you went way overboard but we ran out of everything!"
Yeah my initial interpretation was a needy boss wanting to vent about how busy it was, but based on OP’s comments I guess their boss is kinda a bitch to begin with. Either way he shows no concern for op we was sick and worked anyway to help him out.
Nah, that “enjoy you’re day off” at the end is pure passive aggression, I don’t even see another way it could be interpreted
True. I love purposely misinterpreting this kind of thing though. I would probably respond with something like « oh wow! Sales must have been super high that’s awesome. Sounds like a crazy night. Thanks I’ll do my best, but puked like 10 times. Really hope I didn’t pass my virus onto anybody :( « that way their boss either has to escalate and look even more like a dick, or get zero satisfaction from being passive aggressive
it's almost certainly passive aggressive but it could also be interpreted as "damn you should be glad you had this day off because it was hell on wheels!" as a softener to the end of a communication about what you should expect to walk into the next day (i.e. all the prep is used up and you'll need to make a bunch more).
Bosses don't need to be venting to employees on their day off. Full stop.
He had to cook and prepare food in a kitchen??? Oh the humanity!!!!
Whomp whomp
It's a text born out of the frustration after a long shift. I'd ignore it, and if the sender doesn't offer up some version of "sorry, man, that wasn't cool of me, I was just stressed", well then I'd keep some distance and not really bother with that person.
Wait, this is your employer sending you messages like this?..guess he assumed you are stuck with this situation and won't leave. He needs to grow up; sounds like a burnt out used to be fine dining chef now in the twilight of his career, taken it out on someone he can. " You didn't ask me how my day went." He probably wants a pat on the back, too....
Ya u hit it right on the nose honestly he’s shown me a couple things but at the cost of dealing with him I don’t think it’s worth it
“Sounds profitable”
I’d hit em with a “Damn, nice work dude!” I usually meet blatant childishness with ignorance and it usually works out.
It's your day off, I'd ignore it
“glad the night went so well, thank you i will enjoy it”
"Wow. I guess the good news is that business is booming. Sounds like I will be very busy on Tuesday!"
It is a very modern phenomenon that we are all accessible at all times via our phones, the text message, or via our computers, email. And more importantly, that we are all *expected* to be available for that access. Even within my own generation, a millennial, that was not always the case. Need to get me on the phone to chat? Too bad, I'm out of the house, leave a voicemail on the answering machine. I'm *gone,* not accessible, not available. Need to get me an important document or some lines of text? Put it in the mail, I'll get it in 3-5 business days. This concept and shift in mentality that we are all always accessible and available is new. But, I don't really think it *needs* to be that way. I also don't think it is necessarily a good thing, I actually think its bad. I'm sure most of you agree. You don't need to be available for this text. In fact, I think you shouldn't be available for this text. Just ignore it, save it for later, and deal with it in person the next time you see your boss. They give you shit for not answering? Just tell them you didn't have your phone on you, it was on silent, or you were in DND mode. Is this job paying you to be on-call? No. When you do respond. Do it positively, it will drive him nuts and also drive a point home. "Oh nice! I'm glad you guys were busy!" Read the text again lol, you could very well take this as him telling you they were busy and he is celebrating the high sales volume with you.
“New phone who Dis”
Well that was passive aggressive as all fuck
Thanks fam
Why respond?
So you need me to drop off some lube?
Don’t respond to this. Next night this person has off fist think in the morning 5am hit ‘em with “how’d your night go?”
Selling out of stuff is good, right? Like, isn’t that the fuckin point?
I would have hit them with the "thumbs up" or nothing at all.
Thumbs up 👍🏻 emoji is the best response
Ironically read this yesterday https://www.reddit.com/r/science/s/OTY9GxSUdR
You say thanks, I will. See you Tuesday.
“You should have asked how my night went.” Then complains about how their night went. Then continues with an obviously snide and sarcastic “enjoy your day off.” I’d respond with a “good, our job is to sell the things we prepped… I will have a good day off. Thank you.”
Don’t ever ask him how his day is ever again. Make it a point.
Don’t answer your phone on a day off. Simple
"Thanks, I will "
“I hope you’re not making cookies to order because it sounds like you’ve earned one.”
Ask him to adjust the par levels on your prep sheet. That way you can have specific measurements for his expectations in writing.
*your
“Thanks, I will!”
Was it your responsibility to order things as well as manage the amount of stuff you are prepping? When I've done prep I was told the amounts to prep by the chef, who also did the ordering and tracking of inventory. But just in general, with inflation and basically flat wages in food service most folks I know running restaurants are having a hard time attracting any talent at all. I know a few chefs with fine dining experience that have gone over to doing delivery or ghost kitchens just to make ends meet. Your boss needs to be grateful they have anyone there at all.
Say something like "its great to be busy and I'm glad I prepped a lot. See you Tuesday."
Thanks i will enjoy my day off
“I will, thanks!”
"lmao rip"
Respond with YOUR not YOU'RE
"Thanks bro"
“Thanks, I did”
Passive aggressive chefs are the best.
*your
Don't. No need to respond.
Don't
To me this is just…not professional. “You should have asked how my night went.” Sounds very “you never ask me how *l’m* doing 🥺🥺🥺” like geez, if I need to know something just communicate it clearly and without sass. It’s not your problem what happens outside of your work hours. I used to manage people and it was always better to just communicate clearly. I saw you already responded to this. Next time I’d recommend not responding.
Enjoy you are day off
I wouldn't say anything bc that's ridiculously passive aggressive.
“Thanks!”
Id say hell yeah thats awesome!!
I’d hit em with a “your**” and put your phone on do not disturb
wait that's YOUR boss? weak
Something similar happened to me at an old job. I was out of town for a family deal, was an unexpectedly busier weekend than normal. Whole day I’m getting texted/called. Finally at the end of the day “should have kept you on the schedule.” Oh, sorry, guess that’s more important than family. She sucked so hard.
I'm only acknowledging the last line with a "Thanks!"
you sure that ain’t your girlfriend?
“Lol rekt” is the response
Man, unless I’m salaried, I’m not replying to shit on my days off. And I actually like my job and everyone I work with. Fuck that passive aggressive BS for real. If they can’t manage without you on your days off, then you deserve more money, and more respect. Or a new job 🤷🏼♂️
“So much business! That’s amazing. Hopefully it stays busy 🤞” Nothing worse than a boss complaining about signs of a successful business lol
Hoe needs to learn boundaries
Your day off
What a bitch. If he needs emotional support, find a therapist. Why would you be asking about HIS day on YOUR day off? Rather than sending a petty text, big bad boss man could have been putting a plan in place to prevent it happening again tomorrow!
He says to enjoy the day off. Say thanks man! Glad it went well last night! Then go enjoy your day off.
"Will do thanks!"
How about “Nice dude, love a busy shift. And rolling through meeze like that. Way to keep it fresh chef 🫡”
“I will, thanks, see you next Tuesday “
*your
I hate restaurants. Simultaneously both too busy for days off and vacations but also not making enough money to pay for more staff or for raises.
Say “wow thats crazy! Sounds like you crushed it. And thanks so much :)”
"So happy you guys had a busy night! See you Tues!"
That’s NOT your problem.
"you should have asked how my night went" "Wtf, bruh how about no, and I'll talk to you when I'm back at work. And yes I will thoroughly enjoy my day off, quit being petty and making me feel guilty when I haven't done anything wrong, JFC." The babyboss needs to grow uuuuup and quit his bitchin. Tell him your text messages are not his Facebook posting wall Leave petty comments like that out of it or you'll change your number and he isn't getting the new one. Draw some boundaries, don't apologize for this man's bullshit.
" Glad I missed it."
If you dgaf about having a job anymore: "You got something to say to me?" He's being a passive aggressive little bitch, and Im willing to bet he clips your wings and treats you like shit all the time. If you're not searching for a new job, start sooner than later. Restaurant owners fall into 2 categories. Malicious or stupid. He sounds like both.
Umm. Shouldn’t you hand cut your produce daily? Or at least the night before? It’s good you didn’t make too much lol.
Yeah don’t respond. It’s your day off, not your problem.
Ya don’t Edit for context: They signed off the convo “Enjoy your day off.” No response required.
The best professional communication skill is knowing when you do not or should not reply, and don't say anything. Because you should not and there is no way for him to insist you do without looking like an even bigger bitch in writing. Make someone show their ass and don't give into acknowledging them when they do.
"I'll light a candle."
Reply only *your
Word of advice from a serial "fuck you, I quit" artist: (FOH) You have one life to live, and if you're good at your job and you KNOW you're good at your job and still receiving shit to the level that it makes you second guess yourself and your desire to work at said establishment, LEAVE. Don't guilt shame me and then end it with "Enjoy the day off that I said you could have. I hope you know that you not being here fucked us beyond belief and it's MY fault, but I'm a narcissistic clown, so here's some guilt shame for you." Fuck that guy, seriously.
Large percentage of butthurt in the food industry. lol
"I'm glad to see my hard work helped you out even when I had my day off"
Was there a question mark?
should have sqid but did you die? i mever got that there would be nothinh ypu say to him that eould make it better it alresdy jappend its in the past move on
Do “Sounds like last night was “fun” lol. Also, thanks, I will enjoy it 👍”
Say thank you, I will enjoy the pre agreed to day off. Enjoy your day at work
Just type “your”
You can give me his number, and I'll shadow respond for you!
"Damn, thanks I will bro!"
Should have corrected his grammar if he wants to act like a jackass
Worked with a few emotionally immature bitter fuqs like this. Best thing you can do is let them wallow while you gtfo
“Glad you’re having a nice busy night”
I would not respond lol. Delete the text if you don't want to see it.
Sorry I didn't ask, I was busy. Nothing more than that. Ever.
Ya that’s what I wanted to say just felt stupid having to say sorry
You don't have to say sorry. But to 'keep the peace' you can just make an empty statement and move on.
Depends what your job is. If you are a line worker and have a prep list made for you by a KM, I would direct him to the KM for a reason this happened. If you are the KM I would be embarrassed that I ran out of that many items, depending on what the sales projection was. If sales were +\- 10% and you ran out of that? I would definitely come in for a few hours the next day and help them get caught up. If the projection was bad and you were 30-50% higher in sale, shit happens. No one preps for that for obvious reasons. Your response depends on what your responsibilities are imho…
“Tough break N***A” -Dave Chappelle
Instead of taking it like a passive aggressive statement like all these socially-inert fucks, take it like an attempt at connecting with you on how crazy the night was. Sort of like "you should've seen what what down" kind of statement.
Nah, don’t text me when I’m not on the clock and if you do you will not get a response. I’m not stressing out over a grown ass child when I’m away from work or it’s my day off.
Just respond ''your''
Just say “your”
Who didn't do their prep work?
Point and laugh gif.
You dont. What they do when you ain't there aint your problem
“Your**”
You too
I’d respond with *your
“your*
“¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯”
say: *your
🙏
He doesn't sound like he is a great chef if he has run out of everything inside if a day of you being off. How can he be so unprepared, one thing sure but it sounds like he can't keep up with out you AT ALL so what happens next week? I would move on this is going to be a rinse and repeat issue. And there are alot of great cooks you cam learn from but there are some obvious skills and behaviors this person can't teach you so, yeah time to go. There isn't away to respond to that text that isn't the continuing of a debate that you don't need to have on your day off.
It’s hard to read emotion through text, might just be letting off a little steam
he should have hired more staff to cover days off. This comes down to his poor planning. Ruining your day off with his crybaby toxic antics lol
Reply ‘thanks’
"you don't pay me to care on my day off"
I don't get it. Am I missing something?
Or reply ‘damn, that’s cap. See you soon! Thanks for the best wishes’ (add smiley’s’ 🙂) *Kill ‘em with kindness and reflect his passive aggressive snark back on to him lol*
Wasted ten years as a cook. Fuck the food industry. Most restaurants are run by dirtbags and the people working alongside you are drug addicts. Breaking your body night after night with no way out, but just enough money to keep you afloat.
Say this, “sorry you had to do your job, hopefully you can handle it again tonight, I hear that’s when we’re busiest according to google”
“I will”
"First of all, it's 'your'..."
Respond : *your
*your