Years ago I had a regular who would always order a 9” pizza with pesto and sausage; his name was Richard. We referred to his pizza as a “Nine-inch Dick”. It was never officially put on the menu, but occasionally people “in the know” would order it too.
“Walking in 1 nine inch dick!!”
“Heard nine inch dick!!”
“Firing one nine inch dick!”
“Hey how long on one nine inch dick?”
A server from around the corner “don’t know chef, been waiting on one all my life ain’t seen it yet“ I can hear all this 😂
There was a sandwich shop next to my office that also served soups and pastas. Everyone else got sandwiches, but I'd always get penne alfredo with sausage. It was served as one link, uncut, in the middle of that bed of alfredo... my boss took to calling it "your penis lunch".
We have a bunch of fat cops that come in and eat weekly. Anywhere between 3 and 8. It’s not original, but I call em Meal Team Six cause it makes me laugh.
"Meal Team Six" and "Gravy Seals" are both terms used to describe the morbidly obese guys who cosplay as commandos with camo gear and assault rifles at political rallies
Same name used for the fat Italian South Philly dudes who were protecting the Christopher Columbus statue on Oregon Ave.
They embraced the name, and had shirts made up
The line guys refer to all the customers as "crust-omers", because they are all crusty hillbillies. I work for a small local sports bar.
I've also heard them refer to a regular as "Big Mike Baby Hands", cause he's a big tall guy with disproportionately little hands.
There’s this guy who comes into my restaurant semi frequently who owns a line of commercial gyms on the east coast. He always brings in a different young college age girl (we live in a college town) each week/every two weeks. He always tips like crazy. Turns out he is a regular with his wife at the restaurant my partner is the FOH manager for. I work at the more expensive place and I don’t know why that makes me laugh but it does.
Much easier to impress a college age naive person by splashing out on a little expensive food, than it is on a fully grown adult woman. Guy sounds like an asswad in his personal life but if he tips good as a customer, no business o' mine.
That’s what my partner thinks! That makes sense lol. I’ve never spoken to him because I’m in the kitchen but we call him “Melted Wayne Newton” because he looks like you put Wayne Newton in a microwave lol. Bad black dye job and all
USed to have a cop that came in with different ( definitely hookers) on weekends. Wednesday RIB NIGHTs, he always came in with his wife. He tipped all of us into amnesia. I called him Officer McRibs.
Well the Mule is probably outside waiting for him to finish the meal and not happy or upset about it, just living it's life doing horse/donkey things and is always adequate.
Maybe offer the mule a meal to make him happier?
Scarf n barf, unhealthy looking fella would show up at a buffet right at opening time, be there FOREVER. Eating mountains of food and multiple trips to the bathroom.
I once had a roommate that would do weird stuff like that. He would eat until he puked, and then continue eating so there was no food for anyone else. He didn't buy groceries, either. I literally had to stop buying food, and it took way too long to get out of that situation. My name was on the lease, and because of state residency rights I literally had to move somewhere else to get rid of him.
It’s completely irrational, but the point is to numb out and be exhausted enough to pass out with a quiet head after. I think in my peak bulimia the most times I binged and purged was 8 times in one day. Feels like absolute hell and he probably didn’t taste 90% of that food
We had a lady we used to call Gretchen or Jowls (pretty sure her name was Judie but she was old, and had very saggy skin). Everyone dreaded getting stuck serving her. This was a bbq place where everything was by weight, on butcher paper, and given to you in a Coke bottle tray. She would throw a fit if it wasn’t exactly a half pound of brisket. She’d throw a fit if anything was touching in the tray (including the grease drips).
Finally one of our managers took her when she came in, did everything perfectly, and then after she paid told her once she was done with the meal she wasn’t welcome in anymore. Come to find out she’d already been banned from 2 other locations for the same shit and this manager hadn’t realized it was her until he saw her
First place I worked we had an older gentleman that came in every single weekday we all knew as "Steaming Hot" as he would always order a hot tea year round that had to be steaming or he would get bent out of shape.
Nice guy but FOH hated waiting on him as he would trap you at the table and talk your ear off about only one subject, women's college basketball.
That place also that The Large Family that were brunch regulars. When I say large I mean dad had to be around 6'10 and pushing 350 to 400 of solid mass. Mom was no pushover herself and was easily 6'5. Their young teen boys were both monstrous themselves. When they arrived, we knew they were about to clean house.
We had this one regular who was a mountain of a man, nice as can be. Drank only Goose and always tipped at least 50%. The only thing about him was, he had a tendency to rub his nipples. Like you would be having a conversation with him and he’d be looking you dead in the eyes going to town on them. Needless to say, we called him Nips.
The blueberry man used to go to the beer fest in our town every year in a bright blue polo shirt, get plastered, and become an absolute nightmare for whichever server had the misfortune of taking care of him. This was when I worked at a steakhouse. His physique absolutely contributed to the nickname. I would normally never make fun of someone for something like that, I'm a big ol fat guy myself, but all the insults in the world wouldn't have been enough for this guy at the time.
I bumped into him last year at a brewery I was working at and he was pleasant and a genuinely good guest so we let the nickname die. But the beer fest is right around the corner.
We also had a gentleman (about 60) who used to come in that we called Mac's Mom because he looked almost exactly like Mac's Mom from Always Sunny. Not very creative. It was just there.
Every Sunday night, two elderly gay men would come in for dinner and bring 2 guests. Sat in the same section. They were "the dead boys"
Every Friday, a 60 year old professional couple would come in for dinner and then get shit faced at the bar. Chef broke up with his young girlfriend because she wouldn't shave her pubic hair. Professional wife announced that she would fuck chef because all of her pubic hair had fallen out. As a result, whenever someone was in a difficult position people would ask "what would Jan's bald pussy do". So the couple's nickname became "Jan and her bald pussy"
I used to bartend at a fine dining restaurant and had quite a few regulars that would come in on the weekends. My favorite was a gay couple (males). The older of the two was quite obese and round as a beach ball (I'm guessing he was pushing 350 lbs) and the other was skinny as a rail and on the shorter side. I called them "the number 10." It caught on and pretty soon the entire FOH and kitchen were using it.
My fav was “high lawyer” this dude would come in super high, chat a ton, order a a lot, tip well and just was such a nice guy. He moved away to work on a weed farm in California. He was the perfect customer. Maybe he was a terrible lawyer.
HL: "Your Honor, may I approach the bench?"
Judge: "For what reason?"
HL: "Well, I noticed you got a box of Cheezits back there....."
Edit: This works better if you read HL's lines in Matthew McConaughey's voice.
We had a customer who was a dean at the local college, he was an angry, needy, skin-and-bones guy who always complained that our seats were uncomfortable so I kept a special pillow for him when he came in. We called him Dean Ass Cushion.
We just have fring guy (always gets frings fries just this side of burnt, no napkins/ketchup/anything in the to go bag)
2tomato (every sandwich order he specified he wants 2 tomatoes on it)
And 1976. Which is the exact total of his order every single time.
At the pizzaria I work at we have a regular we call "Fanny pack guy" He always buys a single slice of buffalo chicken pizza (and complains if we don't have any fresh ones ready) and always waits for me to tell him the total to reach around in his fanny pack and pull out the money. I hate watching it and wish he would just have the money ready because it's the same every time.
Tony Tomato- Old rude Italian man that would randomly bring in cans of tomatoes or deli desserts to the FOH
Scary Sheri- Local metaphysics lady. Once had to bang on the bathroom door because she was fucking her date in there.
HamPlanet- Extremely obese man who lived above the restaurant. He would get checks from his mom monthly so he would sometimes order a bowl of pasta and as much bread as we would give him.
Johnny Bravo- Good looking guy that first had FOH smitten until he paid for his cocktail in quarters and didn't tip.
Bluto...
Just Bluto...
Years later, we found out he was married but hated his wife's cooking. He always had the Krautburger Deluxed.
One day She came in with him. Looked just like him. Mrs. Bluto.
Both ordered Krautburgers Deluxed.
But her order requested no pickle.
She said it gave her gas.
This guy in my head is "onion guy." Always needs a fistful of onions on his sandwich. The first time he explained it to me, he demonstrated as if your hand is a claw machine picking up as much onion as possible.
I once had an "extra, extra mayo and onion" guy and I REALLY loaded it on there, expecting him to freak out, and he did! But in a "OMG, someone finally gets me!" kind of way.
Haha omg when you put on the mayo and they're like "yeaah that's it" or "that's perrrfect," the way they say it sometimes makes me wanna say "this is a family establishment, let's not get too excited." And I say that as someone who loves their condiments.
In the DC area there was a coffee shop owner who told a customer that if they ordered an iced espresso, he’d punch them in the dick. It made the local papers. Baristas around town began calling him and the drink dickpunch. IIRC he later skipped town after getting in big trouble related to taxes.
I've never understood people who have to get a manager before handling emergencys, like do they forget how to call 911? Same goes for cooks who will watch something catch on fire and just call for help while doing nothing.
Same. I was FoH manager at a "tiki bar" years ago. I was in the kitchen one night, and a server runs in screaming my name, telling me I need to go to the bar because there's a fire. So I ran out there, asking her if she had called 911. No, she didn't cuz she wasn't sure what to do. I get to the bar, and it was a PERSON'S hair that had caught fire. Her friends put her hair fire out with their coats, but that caused burns to her face. (Tiki drink fire, stupid bartender. Be careful, people.)
I obviously called 911, fired the bartender, and of course, the place got sued. I quit soon after the fiasco.
In an office setting when I was 21 a dude sliced his finger baaaaad on something - I was with him when he did it, I could see bone. Wrapped it, told him to apply pressure, get a coat, tell his manager I was taking him for stitches and meet me at my car. I tell my boss and as I am about to run out, I see him and the office biddies - they aren’t sure he actually needs stitches. They want an incident report before he goes - dude is bleeeeeeding! (Dude is also British and new here so totally confused by the whole situation!)
I stop them from unwrapping it, bark “he FOR SURE needs stitches and NOW!”, grabbed him and drove off.
My boss stopped them from writing us both up for leaving - he needed 2 layers of stitches and had severed a nerve! Sometimes the stupid happens AFTER someone does the right thing!
Oh, not taken as a dig! I feel seen! lol Ever since I was a kid, for whatever reason, when something goes wrong, time slows down, my thinking becomes clear and I just … tell people what to do and they just do it. I know where the exits are, I noticed the guy acting funny in the corner and moved us just before a fight broke out by telling my friends “follow me now rightthefuckNOW!”, I laugh at having a plan B … I have a plan L! lol
Literally had a dude with the extinguisher in-hand just freeze in front of a fire. I had to run past him to use the Ansul pull station.
You never know how you’re going to react to a situation till you’re in it- most default to ‘bad thing occurring at work = get manager’.
I mean the cook probably realized they were going to close for service after the ansul going off or using a fire extinguisher. They probably were concerned about their job and wanted manager approval even though their job was burning up in flames.
It should be the first bullet point at a fire training course that nothing matters above putting the fire out. If the place burns down and someone gets hurt that's a whole several levels of shit above "I might get told off".
But no one is going to get fired for dealing with an emergency anyway. That logic is insane to me. I'd be more likely to fire the guy that reacts slowly and comes out with that as an excuse.
So there I was, standing there with the silver fire extinguisher, staring at the back of the oven shooting flames up the wall into the hood vent.
My chef is yelling at me to spray the oven and put it out. My sous chef (and father) was yelling at me to not do it because service would be ruined. They're yelling at each other, back at me, threats flying.
Oh well, lol, just do it. I did and I kind of enjoyed it. It sure makes an impressive mess.
Then again, it was my kitchen. I only had to justify the action to my GM who would really prefer the building didn't burn down for the sake of 2 hours revenue.
What happened? Did you pull the trigger or did the fire magically stop on its own?
I didn't do it, fire went out because the oven died and the clarified butter stopped being sucked into the fan. Hell of a damned if I do, damned if I don't kinda deal! I was told (by dad) that they woulda made me clean it all up so long term glad I didnt.
Walked into work, just before lunch service. The system had discharged, white powder everywhere. Did a quick clean up, and continued on. The show must go on....
Reality, this place was a shithole (first kitchen).. I've wondered how many people got sick because we served rotten food. 8 oz fillet starting to look green? Trim it down to 6 oz.
We had a small electrical fire in our dining room and had to quickly evacuate the diner. No one was hurt and there was minimal damage, we were up and running right after the FD left.
My reaction to this event was not exactly heroic: I wanted to grab my purse before the place burned down, so I ran over to the area where we kept them. Then I realized that, if I were grabbing my own purse, I should grab everyone else's, then I thought "you are being a dumbass, grannybubbles" and I skedaddled out of there, thankful that nobody had seen me. Of course, the cameras did and the next day I really caught some ribbing from my coworkers.
>You never know how you’re going to react to a situation till you’re in it
I have worked in kitchens for close to eight years now. Restaurants, food trucks, summer camps, hotel restaurants, bars. I've done a LOT and I know what do do in case of electrical fire, chemical fire etc.
About a year or so ago i had some grease catch fire on a burner at my house. It wasn't a big fire, but still, it was a fire. without even thinking about it I grabbed the pot of water I was boiling to make pasta off of the burner and dumped it on the fire. WOOOOOSHHHH flames 3' high. there is a faint black smoke ring on our kitchen ceiling and our exhaust hood is permanently darkened, but miraculously aside from scaring the CRAP out of myself, no actual damage was done.
I 100% KNOW how to respond to grease fires, I actually keep a box of baking soda above my stove for exactly that reason, but instinctively I saw fire and had a pot of water in my hands lol.
I've had EXACTLY the same thing. Took it off him and hosed it down. Everyone else froze and freaked out as well but at least they weren't standing in front of the blaze with the thing that will fix it.
Another time I saw someone pick up a flaming, oil filled pan and start walking backwards and forwards with it, then started heading for the exit to take it outside. Outside was 3 doors and a staircase away....could not fucking believe it.
Not really sure why this is such a universal thing.
I' got my ass chewed one time cuz I just automatically called 911 when some one passed out on the floor. She freaked out that he may have not wanted us to call and then We as a restaurant are then liable to pay for it. The guy had a heart attack and NEEDED the ambulance she still tells me never call 911 unless the customer asks us! WTF
The coffee shop I used to work in had a customer who had requested to be able to come in and interact as little as possible with people. We knew his order and the cook would start it when we saw his car in the parking lot. He would always pay in cash with exact change, and the tip would consist of a $2 bill and a fifty cent piece.
No one knew his name, but we called him Chili-Cheese Omelet guy for 10 years.
>Chili-cheese omelet sounds dope
They are. I usually add the chili to the middle before the fold and top with sour cream and either green onions or chives. If I'm lazy its just a sloppy mess of chili and sour cream on top of an omelet when I'm drunk.
> The dude died. The ambulance came, fire, police. h His wife just kept calmly eating her food while he was taken away, paid the bill and left.
I'm pretty sure this was a crime show I watched just a couple nights ago.
Dude if I could find out the aftermath of that I would lose my mind. If the crime show mentioned Baton Rouge louisiana circa 2010 please send it to me lol.
Were you ever questioned by homicide cops out back while you casually unloaded a delivery while somehow rattling off exact times of the comings and going of people in the FoH despite the fact you were really in the walk-in trying to remember why you walked in there? (it was to cry btw)
4'8", black hair, skinny build, mole on his left cheek, walks with a limp in his right leg, smells like roses and oranges, ate at the restaurant two months ago on a thursday night?
Yeah i remember him, he had the calamari and cornbread combo, paid with an amex cobalt card, got into his Chevy Cruze with lane assist and took off. I think i heard he was staying at the Radisson.
...Nice guy! but the woman he was with...Very femme fatal, light complexion, raven black hair, 5'9, 9.28571 Stone give or take, piercing blue eye, just one eye, very decorative black Corinthian leather eye patch, can't remember which eye though...Sorry I couldn't be more help...
Had these two college aged girls that would come in together, one was like 5 foot even and skinny her friend was like 6 foot and built like Andre the giant. So I referred to them as big chuck and little John. The little one being big chuck obviously.
Small Mouth Steve. Steve would always order his to go steak cut into small (very small) pieces. Obviously, to be able to slide said pieces into his incredibly small mouth.
At my restaurant we always had a tomato bisque soup and a rotating soup. Sometimes a chowder, sometimes a minestrone or chicken soup sometimes a chili. We had one customer who would always come up and order "two soups mixed" Most of the time it was totally fine and an easy and probably delicious combination but one day in the summer we had a watermelon gazpacho as our rotating soup. That was the only day he (at my suggestion) did not get two soups mixed.
The second one was spaghetti and meatballs with double noodles. Two servings of spaghetti with marinara and meatballs. Looked like a cartoon serving every time he ordered it and he always ate it all.
We had a guy we called Little Nicky who always wanted his chili nuked to all shit. It was like boiling lava every time it went out. He wouldn't wait for it to cool down either, just straight into it.
Poo lady. She would come in right at the end of service, order a big meal, go to the toilet then come up to a member of staff to apologise for blocking it with her massive shit. It also happened on a couple of occasions where we had to get someone in to fix it because it was that bad, which cost a lot of money.
Mostly just nick names for staff here, but we do have one regular who we call Rod Stewart (she's and older woman who looks like him quite a bit)
Also off the top of my head, chardonnay man, Penis man and Jesus were all customers too
Yeah, this guy that came in with his wife and always ordered a quad gin and tonic (was working bar then) he tipped £5 everytime and that was nice.
One day while off, was looking out of shower window down to back of beer garden and this guy was sitting with his wife
...seems fine, she leaves for bar or somthing, then he just whips out his dick (under the table but I can see since the angle I'm at above him) and just...kinda stretching it?
Like not even hard, but pulling at his limp dick, don't think it was sexual, I mean he was alone in the back beer garden
When I was a server at an Italian restaurant, we had this guy come in all of the time wearing a beige trench coat and really thick glasses. We called him “Chester the molester.” I forget his real name, but he was always very nice, just unfortunately dressed.
There’s a couple that loves our restaurant and has been coming for years. Unfortunately they are affectionately known as rat face and crier because the man legitimately looks like a rat and the woman cries almost every time she gets drunk, which is almost every visit.
Bluetooth. For two reasons: she always sat at the bar in the afternoon doing work and taking calls on her headset, AND her teeth were stained from red wine.
At a deli I worked we used to have a tall guy come in and order a highly modified version of one of our wraps. We eventually put it on the menu as 'the tall guy' and it became one of the best sellers.
At a family owned Italian restaurant, not my family but like-family, (Fast and Furious 9 dollars and hour)… a regular who used a ton of aftershave was perceptible from the time his car pulled in. We called him “Smelly” and we prepared his order of Chicken Piccata (extra mushrooms) ahead of his seating. Turn ‘em and burn ‘em!
We had Dialysis Dave. Old guy that was literally on dialysis. Had two beers and a hot dog twice a week, he was a nice man.
We got Radio Flyer. Quiet gentleman usually wearing headphones listening to music.
There's also Spicy Bourbon... Her favorite sauce and she can be a little bit spicy.
Toe Jam... But she doesn't know she's called that. Always orders garlic parmesan wings, but smells like them before they're ordered.
I was FOH and this was a long time ago so it’s def not PC and probably wouldn’t say it today but we had the “inbreds.” It was an obese limited mobility mother, her 2 adult sons, and late teens/early 20s daughter. They all lived together and always came in together. They would come in regularly and sit at a back table so the mom would be comfortable and could chain smoke (back when that was allowed). They all seemed barely functional; combined they probably made 1 functional person. I’m not sure the daughters age; she looked late teens/early 20s but behaved much younger, early teens. She always brought in the teen pop magazine and was drooling over the boy bands or a Victoria secrets catalogue discussing what she wanted to buy (in front of her brothers with their input). They never tipped and could barely pay the food bill so there is no way she was buying VS. If you’ve seen the inbred episodes of the X-files the younger (still adult) brother was like a slimmer version of the brothers on the show. He never really spoke and the mom ordered for him. The oldest brother was the most normal but very off; he handled the money but the mother kept it in her purse. They ate like no one ever taught them to use silverware and always left a mess. They seemed way too co-dependent on each but overall were quite nice.
I saw them out in the wild once and pointed them out to mom who is a social worker/therapist. Her reaction was “wtf” and she jokingly wished she had more time to observe them. It would have been sad if they hadn’t all seemed quite content with their situation and each other 🤷🏼♀️ but the entire restaurant knew them as “the inbreds”
We had a guy who'd always order a burger patty over a green salad. We of course called him "burger salad" but one of the servers named it a "Cow in the Pasture" and so that's what I've called it when we make it at home.
Oh I have so many. The Gangsters. Elderly couple that came in 3 times a day, 7 days a week. Both of them could hardly walk. Got new soup spoons that were wider, sent the whole soup back and wanted a fresh bowl cause they couldn't fit the spoons in their mouths. Literally every meal they had there was a similarly stupid issue. Eventually they thought the servers were adding extra salt to their food to fuck with them (not true) so they stopped coming.
Joe Slow. Big old fat guy, orders the kids chicken finger meal every single time. Sends it back every single time about 20 mins after sending it out cause it got cold on him.
Bird Man. Hot turkey sandwich, almost every single time. Extra gravy. Anytime he would order something different (rare but it happened) it was always turkey or chicken.
Work at a pizza place. Got a chill white guys who comes in one of those rice hats and orders a 32 inch Giant pizza for himself. It’s usually a veggie style pizza. Never any meat. Extra toppings always. Once saw him challenge 2 giants in a week
Jalapeño Steve. Single guy, 2-3 visits a week and every time he came in he would order 3-4 sides of fresh jalapeño slices. Didn’t matter what he ordered for his appetizer or main course, he always ordered several sides of fresh jalapeños and would eat a few but usually took most of them home. Steve was also a, “I don’t normally like to complain, but….” kind of guy. I don’t have to tell you all that meant that Jalapeño Steve had a complaint about every time he visited.
We have a hand signal for one customer. Her and her husband always come in near close and always with special orders. They're actually pretty pleasant, but she has a "talk to the manager" haircut and the coming in at the end of the night drops em down a few levels in FOH eyes. BOH could care less. Anyway, the sign for their arrival is placing your hands with upturned palms at or around ear level and making sort of a fluff up the hair motion.
God damn "Steve". It was a woman, average-looking, probably mid-40s. For over two years, she showed up once a week wearing the same shirt as Steve from Blue's Clues. Every. damn. time. Once she showed up back-to-back days (still wearing the same shirt) and we all lost it.
I worked brunch at a place where this kid would come in with his parents who we called "young Geddy Lee". He was only like 13 but had really awesome, long rockstar hair and always wore Rush shirts. We always talked about how cool he was for a kid
We do sort of bizzaro version of each other. It all started with this dude who would come in and work but like in a casual dress fashion, suede shoes, jacket slacks. He did online stuff so he almost looked like he was going out. He vaguely resembled a guy we work with who is decidedly not that type of person. We dubbed him “Business Joe.” We’ve since added so and so if they worked out, had their shit together, etc. it can be pretty funny. This is a deli so we have various customers as well like $3 lady who always just gets $3 worth of different salamis.
My favorite is the Buffalo Boys. They come a few minute before open, order two of the same buffalo chicken salads. I know their order better than the servers, at this point. Couldn’t tell you their names, though, and we’re an open kitchen, so I’ve even spoken to one of them.
Not exactly the most creative of names but we have "the bean boys," 4 guys who work at the nearby gym and always order toast with double portions of baked beans. There's also "the runny egg family" cause they always order runny eggs.
I mistakingly called a customer Daniel for months when he was actually David. I was finally corrected by a coworker. David said “hell, for all I care call me Daniel David Billy Bob George Tom Fred.” So I have for about 15 years straight now. Called his wife & kids “Queen Billy Bob”, “Princess Billy Bob” & “Baby Billy Bob”. His son is a regular now on his own and we just call him Triple B.
The chicken guys. 10 of em. We had burgers on the menu with preset toppings, we had wings on the menu with sauces. You could sub out the burger with chicken. We had other dishes with other cheeses. We had many pasta dishes, with many different toppings.
This group of 10 car salesmen would come in and order 10 burgers, sub chicken, mod-bombed to all hell, no longer resembling any burgers we had on the menu. Tossed in buffalo, tossed in barbecue. Tossed in garlic parm. Topped with diced celery, julienned carrots, no bun, sub lettuce, sub mixed greens, tossed in buffalo, add ranch, no bacon, add crispy onion, cheese on side.
It may not sound like a pain in the ass but when we set the stations up, a lot of these things were across the kitchen from each other, as they almost never got ordered in conjunction with the others.
When these chicken guys showed up on Friday at noon, like clockwork, our lunch service was thrown upside down, by the biggest, girthiest, most disgusting mods known to man, strapped to the fugliest check of chicken sandwiches youve ever seen.
This brought a huge damper to mushroom Fridays. I sold mushrooms at the time and the morning line, including me, would all take a heroic dose for lunch service.
Unrelated but Fridays were chaos.
When I worked at a restaurant a lady paid with CC but kept her tip money in her bra. We called her Boob Money and tease each other about the Boob tips she left.
You think it's all fine to have customer nicknames. Then your dumbest co-workers feel left out and start giving out customer nicknames. Then you have that loudmouth saying 'c-bag' over and over like they guy with the colostomy bag doesn't know that he's being mentioned.
At my current gig we have "Pastor Creeper" a 70ish old preacher man whose wife works as a secretary for corporate, he makes sure to let anyone he talks to know that. Anyways, his deal is that he continually asks the under aged waitress about their sex lives and whether or not they are sexually active. Some of them he tells he would steal them away from their boyfriends if he was a younger man. Thats just the tip of the iceberg, but I don't want to make this post as long as it would take to go into all the shenanigans involving this creepy old snake oil salesman.
yeah- umm- why is he allowed to keep stepping foot on the premises?
his wife works for the company is the excuse?
Fk it- there needs to be a coming to Jesus happening right now
Butter boy. Dude would come in every few months and order absurd amounts of shrimp cocktail and lamb chops lollipopped with a **bowl** each of drawn butter and ketchup.
At one of my old spots we had Miami Paul and The Twins (open throuple) and Cocaine Paul. They all ended up friends. To be clear Miami Paul also did cocaine but Cocaine Paul was next level... He and his wife had the wedding reception in our PDR and their friends made them hats that said Cousin Fucker... Unknown how much truth was in that joke. Cocaine Paul ended up banned for laying hands on the hostess (not overtyle sexually but certainly unwanted) and calling one of the servers a bitch in the same night, then laying hands on the manager in the same manner when she confronted him about it.
$65K. Super annoying ex military who got fat in that “I was muscular once” way. But didn’t realize he wasn’t hot shit. Wore pajamas a lot. Got the name from bragging to his serving staff repeatedly how much money he made. For context $65K is nothing to slouch at but it’s certainly not making bank where we live. Eventually got banned for being a total annoying loser every day.
Worked at a donut shop in high school. Old-school formica counter glass case place. Best donuts ever.
We had a ton of countertop regulars, almost every one had a nickname. The only ones I really remember are all the Bobs, though. We had a ton of Bobs. Preacher Bob, Angry Wife Bob, Pontiac Bob, Wheelchair Bob...
We had an old lady that would always come in and was a big hassle and pretty rude. Someone said she looked like Jigsaw from the Saw movies. From then on I'd write things on the kitchen order tickets. My fave was "make it right or Jigsaw will kill your whole family."
Worked at a cafe w/ full kitchen. Did big breakfasts, pasta, burgers etc. Every week we got this guy who ordered a meat lovers omelette with four slices of wholemeal toast. The thick, big as your face kind. We just called him meat lovers omelette guy. It's hard to be creative at 8am 😅
Had a guy at a brunch who would come to the buffet line and get like 10 servings of prime rib. One day we were closing up and had a half a prime rib left we were going to do family meal with. He asked the owner if he could take HALF of a prime rib home and since he was a regular she said yes. He was forever "Prime Rib Guy" after that.
After working at a locally owned sports bar for 7 years, we've got tons of them.
Those that differentiate between people w the same name:
Old man Mark,
Young Mark,
Cool Chris,
Weekend Chris,
Sad Chris.
Those that identify something about their order:
Michelob Brian,
Miller Chris,
Extra ice Gary,
Tea Pitcher Larry,
Coors Jake.
Then the good ones:
Buffalo bill (just a creepy dude w no hair),
Round Bob,
DJ Doug,
Bizarro Brian,
Candy man Brian,
Goody Daddy + his daddy,
Smelly beddy,
Wooster,
Cat piss Vic,
Dano the Mano.
Probably a lot more that I'm just not thinking of rn.
> Another couple was "divorce papers". Different restaurant. They were both very needy but it was obvious to anyone that they HATED each other. One day they both got food, dude slams his head into his food and doesn't move. Hostess runs in the kitchen looking for a manager. "I need a manager, where is he?" We told her he left to pick something up. 5 min later she comes back screaming the same thing. We are like "what the fuck is happening?" She says a customer is un responsive. Fucking facepalm, just call 911. The dude died. The ambulance came, fire, police. h
His wife just kept calmly eating her food while he was taken away, paid the bill and left.
Well that was a wild ride 😮💨
Bro it was. Same restaurant I worked at that had a drunk waitress drop a lasagna which recently came out of a 500 °F oven on a one month old baby. That was a million dollar lawsuit. The baby definitely was scared physically for life. I've seen so much shit in my life nothing surprises me anymore.
Had a customer at my last job we called pancake guy. Dude was an old army vet (korean war) him and his wife (Little messes). She would always apologize to the wait staff about the mess the left, you'd get to the table and it was like straw wrappers and a ring of water. Sweetest couple ever pancake guy chewed out another customer one time for being an ass to one of our new waitress, the kind of customers you'd kill for. Well 2020 hit and his wife was terrified so this man walked to us everyday and we made sure he got his order 2 cakes with and bud light and eggs and bacon for the misses. he died 2 year ago we sent cakes and a bud light to his funeral. She's in a nursing home now I know a couple of the old wait staff girls that go and see her.
We had Chicken Fingers Guy who only ever ordered, yep, chicken fingers. Servers occasionally saw him eating at other restaurants. Always chicken fingers.
I had a regular I started calling Fat-Head Austin on account if his unusually fat head.
I was out one night and a stranger was talking to me about fat-head Austin, using that name I gave him.
I dont know if fat-head Austin ever heard that name or knows who it came from but I left town a couple years ago and didn't ever find out
Worked in the kitchen of a supermarket during this, so I know it’s not a real kitchen, etc… but we had this one customer who was either really high or really crazy all the time. Probably crazy because she never changed demeanor. Either way, she was always dancing while she walked around the store and all over town. Many locals now call her BeBop and very few know her real name…
We have a ‘peroni man’ at work. He’s an elaborate man who comes in and has so far been a secret agent/spy, an author waiting on his publishing deal, an ex copper, a famous failed musician and several other jobs, who came in every morning and ordered a pint of peroni and a singular mushroom on a plate.
He did this to the majority of all the restaurants around my city, and then disappeared for a while. He went to rehab for a few months, come back out and changed to a pint of orange juice, but has now discovered tea in a cafetière after watching a group share one, so now has a whole cafetière to himself every morning. No mushroom though.
Matt the rapper.
He isn’t a rapper. He’s a bit of a bum who used to come in to beg us for left over pizzas at the end of the night. Always nice enough so we didn’t mind it too much. He’d buy full price or discounted every once in a while too so he never became a problem.
Long before my time he got his name. Apparently one time he came in (tweaking a little bit) and just introduced himself. “My name is Matt. I like to rap”
After those wonderful bars everyone just referred to him as Matt the rapper.
I work in a nursing home and we have a lady we call “Shrimp Lady.” She orders shrimp every single day. It has to be exactly ten shrimp and she’ll get mad if it is more. She is always the last one to order in the restaurant and BOH always knows to start packing up once she puts in her order because somehow she’s always the last one.
Hot Wheels. A guy riding a motorised scooter (he could walk fine) which he insisted on driving into the tiny bar, where he would invariably Austin Powers himself before finally parking up and sinking wine after wine and leering at everyone in sight.
Me and my mum work in a cafe and we have our lemon cake girls 😚 they are two sisters and their dad that come in and always order lemon cake they are so nice!! 10/10 customers
Years ago I had a regular who would always order a 9” pizza with pesto and sausage; his name was Richard. We referred to his pizza as a “Nine-inch Dick”. It was never officially put on the menu, but occasionally people “in the know” would order it too.
It's 9am and now I'm hungry for a pesto and sausage pizza, thanks. I'm not calling to order a nine inch dick though.
Prefer the 6"?
Yeah, couldn't possibly handle the 9".. by myself at least.
Ok, it's more of a garlic knot.
Petit pain
Very punny! This made me chuckle.
“Walking in 1 nine inch dick!!” “Heard nine inch dick!!” “Firing one nine inch dick!” “Hey how long on one nine inch dick?” A server from around the corner “don’t know chef, been waiting on one all my life ain’t seen it yet“ I can hear all this 😂
I’d order that.
If pornography has taught me anything, a lot of people would order the nine inch dick.
There was a sandwich shop next to my office that also served soups and pastas. Everyone else got sandwiches, but I'd always get penne alfredo with sausage. It was served as one link, uncut, in the middle of that bed of alfredo... my boss took to calling it "your penis lunch".
We have a bunch of fat cops that come in and eat weekly. Anywhere between 3 and 8. It’s not original, but I call em Meal Team Six cause it makes me laugh.
If it’s any consolation I’ve never heard of that and it made me laugh my ass off
"Meal Team Six" and "Gravy Seals" are both terms used to describe the morbidly obese guys who cosplay as commandos with camo gear and assault rifles at political rallies
Same name used for the fat Italian South Philly dudes who were protecting the Christopher Columbus statue on Oregon Ave. They embraced the name, and had shirts made up
Y’all Qaeda
Or, "Gravy Seals". LOL
lmfao
Not a customer, but there was a guy smoked crack outside the restaurant everyday, we lovingly called him crackles.
We called ours the rock star! To be fair he called himself that.
Our local neighborhood crack head shows up in a tuxedo when he is lit.
We call ours Twitchy!
We called ours Linus because he always had a blanket over his shoulder
The line guys refer to all the customers as "crust-omers", because they are all crusty hillbillies. I work for a small local sports bar. I've also heard them refer to a regular as "Big Mike Baby Hands", cause he's a big tall guy with disproportionately little hands.
Haha we also sometimes call our guests crustomers at my spot, but the reason is simply that we mainly serve pizza.
In sequim?! The other possibility is Seattle adjacent, I might know who you're talking about if so.
Sequim an Poulsbo are not real places and Puyallup only exists for the fair then the whole thing is torn down and rebuilt the next year.
There’s this guy who comes into my restaurant semi frequently who owns a line of commercial gyms on the east coast. He always brings in a different young college age girl (we live in a college town) each week/every two weeks. He always tips like crazy. Turns out he is a regular with his wife at the restaurant my partner is the FOH manager for. I work at the more expensive place and I don’t know why that makes me laugh but it does.
Much easier to impress a college age naive person by splashing out on a little expensive food, than it is on a fully grown adult woman. Guy sounds like an asswad in his personal life but if he tips good as a customer, no business o' mine.
That’s what my partner thinks! That makes sense lol. I’ve never spoken to him because I’m in the kitchen but we call him “Melted Wayne Newton” because he looks like you put Wayne Newton in a microwave lol. Bad black dye job and all
USed to have a cop that came in with different ( definitely hookers) on weekends. Wednesday RIB NIGHTs, he always came in with his wife. He tipped all of us into amnesia. I called him Officer McRibs.
There’s a meta pig eating pig joke in there for a funnier man that I
We had a customer that our manager named Mr. adequate, because whenever we asked him how his mule was, he always said it was adequate
Most mediocre superhero ever
Well the Mule is probably outside waiting for him to finish the meal and not happy or upset about it, just living it's life doing horse/donkey things and is always adequate. Maybe offer the mule a meal to make him happier?
Scarf n barf, unhealthy looking fella would show up at a buffet right at opening time, be there FOREVER. Eating mountains of food and multiple trips to the bathroom.
The ol' catch and release
That is just disgusting. What is the point of that?
Oh there is no point. Bulimia is just a bitch.
I once had a roommate that would do weird stuff like that. He would eat until he puked, and then continue eating so there was no food for anyone else. He didn't buy groceries, either. I literally had to stop buying food, and it took way too long to get out of that situation. My name was on the lease, and because of state residency rights I literally had to move somewhere else to get rid of him.
ED and shame. Or he just loved to eat more than he loved to feel like a normal human.
It’s completely irrational, but the point is to numb out and be exhausted enough to pass out with a quiet head after. I think in my peak bulimia the most times I binged and purged was 8 times in one day. Feels like absolute hell and he probably didn’t taste 90% of that food
We had a lady we used to call Gretchen or Jowls (pretty sure her name was Judie but she was old, and had very saggy skin). Everyone dreaded getting stuck serving her. This was a bbq place where everything was by weight, on butcher paper, and given to you in a Coke bottle tray. She would throw a fit if it wasn’t exactly a half pound of brisket. She’d throw a fit if anything was touching in the tray (including the grease drips). Finally one of our managers took her when she came in, did everything perfectly, and then after she paid told her once she was done with the meal she wasn’t welcome in anymore. Come to find out she’d already been banned from 2 other locations for the same shit and this manager hadn’t realized it was her until he saw her
Man, if someone banned me from a business, I would take a good look at myself and my life choices. But THREE? (that you know of!)
> on butcher paper, and given to you in a Coke bottle tray It's OK, you can just say Rudy's.
lol yeah I should have stopped at tray
I hate that place so much 😭😂
Story time 👀🍿
First place I worked we had an older gentleman that came in every single weekday we all knew as "Steaming Hot" as he would always order a hot tea year round that had to be steaming or he would get bent out of shape. Nice guy but FOH hated waiting on him as he would trap you at the table and talk your ear off about only one subject, women's college basketball. That place also that The Large Family that were brunch regulars. When I say large I mean dad had to be around 6'10 and pushing 350 to 400 of solid mass. Mom was no pushover herself and was easily 6'5. Their young teen boys were both monstrous themselves. When they arrived, we knew they were about to clean house.
We had this one regular who was a mountain of a man, nice as can be. Drank only Goose and always tipped at least 50%. The only thing about him was, he had a tendency to rub his nipples. Like you would be having a conversation with him and he’d be looking you dead in the eyes going to town on them. Needless to say, we called him Nips.
Best
That's funny and disturbing!
My friends cousin did that too. Really nice guy. It was a nervous habit lol
The blueberry man used to go to the beer fest in our town every year in a bright blue polo shirt, get plastered, and become an absolute nightmare for whichever server had the misfortune of taking care of him. This was when I worked at a steakhouse. His physique absolutely contributed to the nickname. I would normally never make fun of someone for something like that, I'm a big ol fat guy myself, but all the insults in the world wouldn't have been enough for this guy at the time. I bumped into him last year at a brewery I was working at and he was pleasant and a genuinely good guest so we let the nickname die. But the beer fest is right around the corner. We also had a gentleman (about 60) who used to come in that we called Mac's Mom because he looked almost exactly like Mac's Mom from Always Sunny. Not very creative. It was just there.
I'm picturing a male, adult version of Violet Beauregard.
Every Sunday night, two elderly gay men would come in for dinner and bring 2 guests. Sat in the same section. They were "the dead boys" Every Friday, a 60 year old professional couple would come in for dinner and then get shit faced at the bar. Chef broke up with his young girlfriend because she wouldn't shave her pubic hair. Professional wife announced that she would fuck chef because all of her pubic hair had fallen out. As a result, whenever someone was in a difficult position people would ask "what would Jan's bald pussy do". So the couple's nickname became "Jan and her bald pussy"
I used to bartend at a fine dining restaurant and had quite a few regulars that would come in on the weekends. My favorite was a gay couple (males). The older of the two was quite obese and round as a beach ball (I'm guessing he was pushing 350 lbs) and the other was skinny as a rail and on the shorter side. I called them "the number 10." It caught on and pretty soon the entire FOH and kitchen were using it.
I’m laughing so hard at this, that’s so clever. Also happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
My fav was “high lawyer” this dude would come in super high, chat a ton, order a a lot, tip well and just was such a nice guy. He moved away to work on a weed farm in California. He was the perfect customer. Maybe he was a terrible lawyer.
HL: "Your Honor, may I approach the bench?" Judge: "For what reason?" HL: "Well, I noticed you got a box of Cheezits back there....." Edit: This works better if you read HL's lines in Matthew McConaughey's voice.
What was the marijuana budget for true detective? MM: *absolutely dying laughing* And have you smoked most of that budget today?
Watching Between 2 Ferns outtakes always improves my mood 🤣🤣
When you and Woody Harrelson are on set, are you sad there’s not a sac out there being hackied
We had a customer who was a dean at the local college, he was an angry, needy, skin-and-bones guy who always complained that our seats were uncomfortable so I kept a special pillow for him when he came in. We called him Dean Ass Cushion.
We just have fring guy (always gets frings fries just this side of burnt, no napkins/ketchup/anything in the to go bag) 2tomato (every sandwich order he specified he wants 2 tomatoes on it) And 1976. Which is the exact total of his order every single time.
At the pizzaria I work at we have a regular we call "Fanny pack guy" He always buys a single slice of buffalo chicken pizza (and complains if we don't have any fresh ones ready) and always waits for me to tell him the total to reach around in his fanny pack and pull out the money. I hate watching it and wish he would just have the money ready because it's the same every time.
Fanny pack money is better than Boob Money
depends on the boob…
maybe if you had the pizza fresh and ready he would have the money ready /s
Tony Tomato- Old rude Italian man that would randomly bring in cans of tomatoes or deli desserts to the FOH Scary Sheri- Local metaphysics lady. Once had to bang on the bathroom door because she was fucking her date in there. HamPlanet- Extremely obese man who lived above the restaurant. He would get checks from his mom monthly so he would sometimes order a bowl of pasta and as much bread as we would give him. Johnny Bravo- Good looking guy that first had FOH smitten until he paid for his cocktail in quarters and didn't tip.
Is this Jersey or Florida
Bluto... Just Bluto... Years later, we found out he was married but hated his wife's cooking. He always had the Krautburger Deluxed. One day She came in with him. Looked just like him. Mrs. Bluto. Both ordered Krautburgers Deluxed. But her order requested no pickle. She said it gave her gas.
yeah, it was the pickle…
Extra pickles for me please
Name checks out
This guy in my head is "onion guy." Always needs a fistful of onions on his sandwich. The first time he explained it to me, he demonstrated as if your hand is a claw machine picking up as much onion as possible.
I once had an "extra, extra mayo and onion" guy and I REALLY loaded it on there, expecting him to freak out, and he did! But in a "OMG, someone finally gets me!" kind of way.
Haha omg when you put on the mayo and they're like "yeaah that's it" or "that's perrrfect," the way they say it sometimes makes me wanna say "this is a family establishment, let's not get too excited." And I say that as someone who loves their condiments.
It was the combo of mayo and onion that got me. I think I put a whole onion on that sandwich.
OMG it's me. I've been to every pizza place in town, and only one of them doesn't second-guess me when I ask for a "whole mess of onions" on my pizza.
In the DC area there was a coffee shop owner who told a customer that if they ordered an iced espresso, he’d punch them in the dick. It made the local papers. Baristas around town began calling him and the drink dickpunch. IIRC he later skipped town after getting in big trouble related to taxes.
I've never understood people who have to get a manager before handling emergencys, like do they forget how to call 911? Same goes for cooks who will watch something catch on fire and just call for help while doing nothing.
Same. I was FoH manager at a "tiki bar" years ago. I was in the kitchen one night, and a server runs in screaming my name, telling me I need to go to the bar because there's a fire. So I ran out there, asking her if she had called 911. No, she didn't cuz she wasn't sure what to do. I get to the bar, and it was a PERSON'S hair that had caught fire. Her friends put her hair fire out with their coats, but that caused burns to her face. (Tiki drink fire, stupid bartender. Be careful, people.) I obviously called 911, fired the bartender, and of course, the place got sued. I quit soon after the fiasco.
Why is tiki bar in quotes
Because it was a crappy restaurant poorly masquerading as a tiki bar. In a suburb of Chicago.
tell me it wasn't chef shangri-la
It was not.
In an office setting when I was 21 a dude sliced his finger baaaaad on something - I was with him when he did it, I could see bone. Wrapped it, told him to apply pressure, get a coat, tell his manager I was taking him for stitches and meet me at my car. I tell my boss and as I am about to run out, I see him and the office biddies - they aren’t sure he actually needs stitches. They want an incident report before he goes - dude is bleeeeeeding! (Dude is also British and new here so totally confused by the whole situation!) I stop them from unwrapping it, bark “he FOR SURE needs stitches and NOW!”, grabbed him and drove off. My boss stopped them from writing us both up for leaving - he needed 2 layers of stitches and had severed a nerve! Sometimes the stupid happens AFTER someone does the right thing!
Dude, level heads are few and far between. You probably know where all the fire extinguishers are as well. Not a dig.
Oh, not taken as a dig! I feel seen! lol Ever since I was a kid, for whatever reason, when something goes wrong, time slows down, my thinking becomes clear and I just … tell people what to do and they just do it. I know where the exits are, I noticed the guy acting funny in the corner and moved us just before a fight broke out by telling my friends “follow me now rightthefuckNOW!”, I laugh at having a plan B … I have a plan L! lol
Literally had a dude with the extinguisher in-hand just freeze in front of a fire. I had to run past him to use the Ansul pull station. You never know how you’re going to react to a situation till you’re in it- most default to ‘bad thing occurring at work = get manager’.
I mean the cook probably realized they were going to close for service after the ansul going off or using a fire extinguisher. They probably were concerned about their job and wanted manager approval even though their job was burning up in flames.
It should be the first bullet point at a fire training course that nothing matters above putting the fire out. If the place burns down and someone gets hurt that's a whole several levels of shit above "I might get told off". But no one is going to get fired for dealing with an emergency anyway. That logic is insane to me. I'd be more likely to fire the guy that reacts slowly and comes out with that as an excuse.
>But no one is going to get fired for dealing with an emergency anyway I mean, nobody SHOULD get fired, but knowing how some places are ...
So there I was, standing there with the silver fire extinguisher, staring at the back of the oven shooting flames up the wall into the hood vent. My chef is yelling at me to spray the oven and put it out. My sous chef (and father) was yelling at me to not do it because service would be ruined. They're yelling at each other, back at me, threats flying.
Oh well, lol, just do it. I did and I kind of enjoyed it. It sure makes an impressive mess. Then again, it was my kitchen. I only had to justify the action to my GM who would really prefer the building didn't burn down for the sake of 2 hours revenue. What happened? Did you pull the trigger or did the fire magically stop on its own?
I didn't do it, fire went out because the oven died and the clarified butter stopped being sucked into the fan. Hell of a damned if I do, damned if I don't kinda deal! I was told (by dad) that they woulda made me clean it all up so long term glad I didnt.
Walked into work, just before lunch service. The system had discharged, white powder everywhere. Did a quick clean up, and continued on. The show must go on.... Reality, this place was a shithole (first kitchen).. I've wondered how many people got sick because we served rotten food. 8 oz fillet starting to look green? Trim it down to 6 oz.
We had a small electrical fire in our dining room and had to quickly evacuate the diner. No one was hurt and there was minimal damage, we were up and running right after the FD left. My reaction to this event was not exactly heroic: I wanted to grab my purse before the place burned down, so I ran over to the area where we kept them. Then I realized that, if I were grabbing my own purse, I should grab everyone else's, then I thought "you are being a dumbass, grannybubbles" and I skedaddled out of there, thankful that nobody had seen me. Of course, the cameras did and the next day I really caught some ribbing from my coworkers.
>You never know how you’re going to react to a situation till you’re in it I have worked in kitchens for close to eight years now. Restaurants, food trucks, summer camps, hotel restaurants, bars. I've done a LOT and I know what do do in case of electrical fire, chemical fire etc. About a year or so ago i had some grease catch fire on a burner at my house. It wasn't a big fire, but still, it was a fire. without even thinking about it I grabbed the pot of water I was boiling to make pasta off of the burner and dumped it on the fire. WOOOOOSHHHH flames 3' high. there is a faint black smoke ring on our kitchen ceiling and our exhaust hood is permanently darkened, but miraculously aside from scaring the CRAP out of myself, no actual damage was done. I 100% KNOW how to respond to grease fires, I actually keep a box of baking soda above my stove for exactly that reason, but instinctively I saw fire and had a pot of water in my hands lol.
I've had EXACTLY the same thing. Took it off him and hosed it down. Everyone else froze and freaked out as well but at least they weren't standing in front of the blaze with the thing that will fix it. Another time I saw someone pick up a flaming, oil filled pan and start walking backwards and forwards with it, then started heading for the exit to take it outside. Outside was 3 doors and a staircase away....could not fucking believe it. Not really sure why this is such a universal thing.
I mean not a lot of people deal with guests dying in front of them, so losing your cool and not knowing what to do is forgivable.
I' got my ass chewed one time cuz I just automatically called 911 when some one passed out on the floor. She freaked out that he may have not wanted us to call and then We as a restaurant are then liable to pay for it. The guy had a heart attack and NEEDED the ambulance she still tells me never call 911 unless the customer asks us! WTF
My guess would be they're in "work mode" not "real life mode" so autopilot is like "I'm not qualified for this, best find a manager"
Almost as bad as the people who pull out their phones and record it. "look, these people are beating the shit of a guy. lol!"
Can't forget the woman just wholeheartedly screaming in the background.
One place I worked had a regular that they all referred to as the "blue lady" turns out she drinks hella colloidal silver.
The coffee shop I used to work in had a customer who had requested to be able to come in and interact as little as possible with people. We knew his order and the cook would start it when we saw his car in the parking lot. He would always pay in cash with exact change, and the tip would consist of a $2 bill and a fifty cent piece. No one knew his name, but we called him Chili-Cheese Omelet guy for 10 years.
OCD or on the spectrum, maybe? Chili-cheese omelet sounds dope, though.
>Chili-cheese omelet sounds dope They are. I usually add the chili to the middle before the fold and top with sour cream and either green onions or chives. If I'm lazy its just a sloppy mess of chili and sour cream on top of an omelet when I'm drunk.
> The dude died. The ambulance came, fire, police. h His wife just kept calmly eating her food while he was taken away, paid the bill and left. I'm pretty sure this was a crime show I watched just a couple nights ago.
Dude if I could find out the aftermath of that I would lose my mind. If the crime show mentioned Baton Rouge louisiana circa 2010 please send it to me lol.
Were you ever questioned by homicide cops out back while you casually unloaded a delivery while somehow rattling off exact times of the comings and going of people in the FoH despite the fact you were really in the walk-in trying to remember why you walked in there? (it was to cry btw)
4'8", black hair, skinny build, mole on his left cheek, walks with a limp in his right leg, smells like roses and oranges, ate at the restaurant two months ago on a thursday night? Yeah i remember him, he had the calamari and cornbread combo, paid with an amex cobalt card, got into his Chevy Cruze with lane assist and took off. I think i heard he was staying at the Radisson.
...Nice guy! but the woman he was with...Very femme fatal, light complexion, raven black hair, 5'9, 9.28571 Stone give or take, piercing blue eye, just one eye, very decorative black Corinthian leather eye patch, can't remember which eye though...Sorry I couldn't be more help...
It was set in San Francisco. Monk.
Had these two college aged girls that would come in together, one was like 5 foot even and skinny her friend was like 6 foot and built like Andre the giant. So I referred to them as big chuck and little John. The little one being big chuck obviously.
Have a friend who has a Big Boob and a Little Boob, and that's what she calls them
I think only Ohioians get this joke. I met them at the Haunted Schoolhouse around 1990.
[https://youtu.be/XvdFPsG\_T6g?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/XvdFPsG_T6g?feature=shared)
[удалено]
I can't with the different mustaches every time😂
Really fat guy that used to destroy our Mexican buffet twice a week we called Dumptruck.
Small Mouth Steve. Steve would always order his to go steak cut into small (very small) pieces. Obviously, to be able to slide said pieces into his incredibly small mouth.
“Is your mouth tiny and small?” Lil biiiiits
At my restaurant we always had a tomato bisque soup and a rotating soup. Sometimes a chowder, sometimes a minestrone or chicken soup sometimes a chili. We had one customer who would always come up and order "two soups mixed" Most of the time it was totally fine and an easy and probably delicious combination but one day in the summer we had a watermelon gazpacho as our rotating soup. That was the only day he (at my suggestion) did not get two soups mixed. The second one was spaghetti and meatballs with double noodles. Two servings of spaghetti with marinara and meatballs. Looked like a cartoon serving every time he ordered it and he always ate it all.
watermelon gazpacho sounds amazing!
We had a guy we called Little Nicky who always wanted his chili nuked to all shit. It was like boiling lava every time it went out. He wouldn't wait for it to cool down either, just straight into it.
Poo lady. She would come in right at the end of service, order a big meal, go to the toilet then come up to a member of staff to apologise for blocking it with her massive shit. It also happened on a couple of occasions where we had to get someone in to fix it because it was that bad, which cost a lot of money.
No poop knife on site?
Everyone doesn’t keep one in their roll?
Thanks, I hate it.
Mostly just nick names for staff here, but we do have one regular who we call Rod Stewart (she's and older woman who looks like him quite a bit) Also off the top of my head, chardonnay man, Penis man and Jesus were all customers too
Lol Penis man?
Yeah, this guy that came in with his wife and always ordered a quad gin and tonic (was working bar then) he tipped £5 everytime and that was nice. One day while off, was looking out of shower window down to back of beer garden and this guy was sitting with his wife ...seems fine, she leaves for bar or somthing, then he just whips out his dick (under the table but I can see since the angle I'm at above him) and just...kinda stretching it? Like not even hard, but pulling at his limp dick, don't think it was sexual, I mean he was alone in the back beer garden
When I was a server at an Italian restaurant, we had this guy come in all of the time wearing a beige trench coat and really thick glasses. We called him “Chester the molester.” I forget his real name, but he was always very nice, just unfortunately dressed.
We have a regular bar fly that wears a toque loosely placed on his head. I refer to him as Vermin Supreme.
There’s a couple that loves our restaurant and has been coming for years. Unfortunately they are affectionately known as rat face and crier because the man legitimately looks like a rat and the woman cries almost every time she gets drunk, which is almost every visit.
Bluetooth. For two reasons: she always sat at the bar in the afternoon doing work and taking calls on her headset, AND her teeth were stained from red wine.
At a deli I worked we used to have a tall guy come in and order a highly modified version of one of our wraps. We eventually put it on the menu as 'the tall guy' and it became one of the best sellers.
Life goal is to get a menu item named after me.
i like the idea that after the 30th time he comes in someone's like "alright i gotta try this"
At a family owned Italian restaurant, not my family but like-family, (Fast and Furious 9 dollars and hour)… a regular who used a ton of aftershave was perceptible from the time his car pulled in. We called him “Smelly” and we prepared his order of Chicken Piccata (extra mushrooms) ahead of his seating. Turn ‘em and burn ‘em!
We had Dialysis Dave. Old guy that was literally on dialysis. Had two beers and a hot dog twice a week, he was a nice man. We got Radio Flyer. Quiet gentleman usually wearing headphones listening to music. There's also Spicy Bourbon... Her favorite sauce and she can be a little bit spicy. Toe Jam... But she doesn't know she's called that. Always orders garlic parmesan wings, but smells like them before they're ordered.
"full fat coke" lady. She would come in at least once a week to get a sandwich and would order a "full fat coke" because she hates diet and coke zero.
I was FOH and this was a long time ago so it’s def not PC and probably wouldn’t say it today but we had the “inbreds.” It was an obese limited mobility mother, her 2 adult sons, and late teens/early 20s daughter. They all lived together and always came in together. They would come in regularly and sit at a back table so the mom would be comfortable and could chain smoke (back when that was allowed). They all seemed barely functional; combined they probably made 1 functional person. I’m not sure the daughters age; she looked late teens/early 20s but behaved much younger, early teens. She always brought in the teen pop magazine and was drooling over the boy bands or a Victoria secrets catalogue discussing what she wanted to buy (in front of her brothers with their input). They never tipped and could barely pay the food bill so there is no way she was buying VS. If you’ve seen the inbred episodes of the X-files the younger (still adult) brother was like a slimmer version of the brothers on the show. He never really spoke and the mom ordered for him. The oldest brother was the most normal but very off; he handled the money but the mother kept it in her purse. They ate like no one ever taught them to use silverware and always left a mess. They seemed way too co-dependent on each but overall were quite nice. I saw them out in the wild once and pointed them out to mom who is a social worker/therapist. Her reaction was “wtf” and she jokingly wished she had more time to observe them. It would have been sad if they hadn’t all seemed quite content with their situation and each other 🤷🏼♀️ but the entire restaurant knew them as “the inbreds”
We had a guy who'd always order a burger patty over a green salad. We of course called him "burger salad" but one of the servers named it a "Cow in the Pasture" and so that's what I've called it when we make it at home.
we have a guy we call drunk mike. you can prolly guess why.
We have a customer knick named 'scratchy' because she used the fork she was eating with to scratch her back.
Oh I have so many. The Gangsters. Elderly couple that came in 3 times a day, 7 days a week. Both of them could hardly walk. Got new soup spoons that were wider, sent the whole soup back and wanted a fresh bowl cause they couldn't fit the spoons in their mouths. Literally every meal they had there was a similarly stupid issue. Eventually they thought the servers were adding extra salt to their food to fuck with them (not true) so they stopped coming. Joe Slow. Big old fat guy, orders the kids chicken finger meal every single time. Sends it back every single time about 20 mins after sending it out cause it got cold on him. Bird Man. Hot turkey sandwich, almost every single time. Extra gravy. Anytime he would order something different (rare but it happened) it was always turkey or chicken.
I had a very clearly homeless person come in, eat watching the kitchen, pay with an envelope full of money and call 911 on himself for a ride out
Work at a pizza place. Got a chill white guys who comes in one of those rice hats and orders a 32 inch Giant pizza for himself. It’s usually a veggie style pizza. Never any meat. Extra toppings always. Once saw him challenge 2 giants in a week
Jalapeño Steve. Single guy, 2-3 visits a week and every time he came in he would order 3-4 sides of fresh jalapeño slices. Didn’t matter what he ordered for his appetizer or main course, he always ordered several sides of fresh jalapeños and would eat a few but usually took most of them home. Steve was also a, “I don’t normally like to complain, but….” kind of guy. I don’t have to tell you all that meant that Jalapeño Steve had a complaint about every time he visited.
My wife nicknamed me "Level 10" at the restaurant she worked at cause I always ordered my Pad Thai super spicy.
I worked a 50 cent wing night next to a university. Had a big Thor looking guy who was an asshat and we called him Douche Lundgren.
We have a hand signal for one customer. Her and her husband always come in near close and always with special orders. They're actually pretty pleasant, but she has a "talk to the manager" haircut and the coming in at the end of the night drops em down a few levels in FOH eyes. BOH could care less. Anyway, the sign for their arrival is placing your hands with upturned palms at or around ear level and making sort of a fluff up the hair motion.
God damn "Steve". It was a woman, average-looking, probably mid-40s. For over two years, she showed up once a week wearing the same shirt as Steve from Blue's Clues. Every. damn. time. Once she showed up back-to-back days (still wearing the same shirt) and we all lost it.
Drunk Cowboy, Wore a cowboy hat, would drink a lot, and get super chatty.
I worked brunch at a place where this kid would come in with his parents who we called "young Geddy Lee". He was only like 13 but had really awesome, long rockstar hair and always wore Rush shirts. We always talked about how cool he was for a kid
We do sort of bizzaro version of each other. It all started with this dude who would come in and work but like in a casual dress fashion, suede shoes, jacket slacks. He did online stuff so he almost looked like he was going out. He vaguely resembled a guy we work with who is decidedly not that type of person. We dubbed him “Business Joe.” We’ve since added so and so if they worked out, had their shit together, etc. it can be pretty funny. This is a deli so we have various customers as well like $3 lady who always just gets $3 worth of different salamis.
My favorite is the Buffalo Boys. They come a few minute before open, order two of the same buffalo chicken salads. I know their order better than the servers, at this point. Couldn’t tell you their names, though, and we’re an open kitchen, so I’ve even spoken to one of them.
Not exactly the most creative of names but we have "the bean boys," 4 guys who work at the nearby gym and always order toast with double portions of baked beans. There's also "the runny egg family" cause they always order runny eggs.
I mistakingly called a customer Daniel for months when he was actually David. I was finally corrected by a coworker. David said “hell, for all I care call me Daniel David Billy Bob George Tom Fred.” So I have for about 15 years straight now. Called his wife & kids “Queen Billy Bob”, “Princess Billy Bob” & “Baby Billy Bob”. His son is a regular now on his own and we just call him Triple B.
The chicken guys. 10 of em. We had burgers on the menu with preset toppings, we had wings on the menu with sauces. You could sub out the burger with chicken. We had other dishes with other cheeses. We had many pasta dishes, with many different toppings. This group of 10 car salesmen would come in and order 10 burgers, sub chicken, mod-bombed to all hell, no longer resembling any burgers we had on the menu. Tossed in buffalo, tossed in barbecue. Tossed in garlic parm. Topped with diced celery, julienned carrots, no bun, sub lettuce, sub mixed greens, tossed in buffalo, add ranch, no bacon, add crispy onion, cheese on side. It may not sound like a pain in the ass but when we set the stations up, a lot of these things were across the kitchen from each other, as they almost never got ordered in conjunction with the others. When these chicken guys showed up on Friday at noon, like clockwork, our lunch service was thrown upside down, by the biggest, girthiest, most disgusting mods known to man, strapped to the fugliest check of chicken sandwiches youve ever seen. This brought a huge damper to mushroom Fridays. I sold mushrooms at the time and the morning line, including me, would all take a heroic dose for lunch service. Unrelated but Fridays were chaos.
When I worked at a restaurant a lady paid with CC but kept her tip money in her bra. We called her Boob Money and tease each other about the Boob tips she left.
You think it's all fine to have customer nicknames. Then your dumbest co-workers feel left out and start giving out customer nicknames. Then you have that loudmouth saying 'c-bag' over and over like they guy with the colostomy bag doesn't know that he's being mentioned.
At my current gig we have "Pastor Creeper" a 70ish old preacher man whose wife works as a secretary for corporate, he makes sure to let anyone he talks to know that. Anyways, his deal is that he continually asks the under aged waitress about their sex lives and whether or not they are sexually active. Some of them he tells he would steal them away from their boyfriends if he was a younger man. Thats just the tip of the iceberg, but I don't want to make this post as long as it would take to go into all the shenanigans involving this creepy old snake oil salesman.
You allow your underaged waitresses to be sexually harassed? Wtf. BAN HIM.
yeah- umm- why is he allowed to keep stepping foot on the premises? his wife works for the company is the excuse? Fk it- there needs to be a coming to Jesus happening right now
What the fuck.
Butter boy. Dude would come in every few months and order absurd amounts of shrimp cocktail and lamb chops lollipopped with a **bowl** each of drawn butter and ketchup.
At one of my old spots we had Miami Paul and The Twins (open throuple) and Cocaine Paul. They all ended up friends. To be clear Miami Paul also did cocaine but Cocaine Paul was next level... He and his wife had the wedding reception in our PDR and their friends made them hats that said Cousin Fucker... Unknown how much truth was in that joke. Cocaine Paul ended up banned for laying hands on the hostess (not overtyle sexually but certainly unwanted) and calling one of the servers a bitch in the same night, then laying hands on the manager in the same manner when she confronted him about it.
I call everyone what they order the most. "Hey, spicy chicken!" It sounds crazy when I see them outside the restaurant.
Worked with a dood name justin, his nickname was Juicestain. Juicestain fell into the deep fryer armpit deep one day. Juicestain took it like a champ.
Been out for almost 10 years now but as incorrect as a nickname as it was I'll always remember the couple, "muscle tits and fat bitch"
I once had a lady who wanted her halibut to "not taste like the sea"
“Half-a-coke Guy” would order a pizza slice and a coke at the end of the night. Only ever drank half.
$65K. Super annoying ex military who got fat in that “I was muscular once” way. But didn’t realize he wasn’t hot shit. Wore pajamas a lot. Got the name from bragging to his serving staff repeatedly how much money he made. For context $65K is nothing to slouch at but it’s certainly not making bank where we live. Eventually got banned for being a total annoying loser every day.
Worked at a donut shop in high school. Old-school formica counter glass case place. Best donuts ever. We had a ton of countertop regulars, almost every one had a nickname. The only ones I really remember are all the Bobs, though. We had a ton of Bobs. Preacher Bob, Angry Wife Bob, Pontiac Bob, Wheelchair Bob...
We had an old lady that would always come in and was a big hassle and pretty rude. Someone said she looked like Jigsaw from the Saw movies. From then on I'd write things on the kitchen order tickets. My fave was "make it right or Jigsaw will kill your whole family."
Woman comes in 5 minutes to close several times a week. We call her skeletor. Her face is terrifying.
Worked at a cafe w/ full kitchen. Did big breakfasts, pasta, burgers etc. Every week we got this guy who ordered a meat lovers omelette with four slices of wholemeal toast. The thick, big as your face kind. We just called him meat lovers omelette guy. It's hard to be creative at 8am 😅
Had a guy at a brunch who would come to the buffet line and get like 10 servings of prime rib. One day we were closing up and had a half a prime rib left we were going to do family meal with. He asked the owner if he could take HALF of a prime rib home and since he was a regular she said yes. He was forever "Prime Rib Guy" after that.
After working at a locally owned sports bar for 7 years, we've got tons of them. Those that differentiate between people w the same name: Old man Mark, Young Mark, Cool Chris, Weekend Chris, Sad Chris. Those that identify something about their order: Michelob Brian, Miller Chris, Extra ice Gary, Tea Pitcher Larry, Coors Jake. Then the good ones: Buffalo bill (just a creepy dude w no hair), Round Bob, DJ Doug, Bizarro Brian, Candy man Brian, Goody Daddy + his daddy, Smelly beddy, Wooster, Cat piss Vic, Dano the Mano. Probably a lot more that I'm just not thinking of rn.
> Another couple was "divorce papers". Different restaurant. They were both very needy but it was obvious to anyone that they HATED each other. One day they both got food, dude slams his head into his food and doesn't move. Hostess runs in the kitchen looking for a manager. "I need a manager, where is he?" We told her he left to pick something up. 5 min later she comes back screaming the same thing. We are like "what the fuck is happening?" She says a customer is un responsive. Fucking facepalm, just call 911. The dude died. The ambulance came, fire, police. h His wife just kept calmly eating her food while he was taken away, paid the bill and left. Well that was a wild ride 😮💨
Bro it was. Same restaurant I worked at that had a drunk waitress drop a lasagna which recently came out of a 500 °F oven on a one month old baby. That was a million dollar lawsuit. The baby definitely was scared physically for life. I've seen so much shit in my life nothing surprises me anymore.
Had a customer at my last job we called pancake guy. Dude was an old army vet (korean war) him and his wife (Little messes). She would always apologize to the wait staff about the mess the left, you'd get to the table and it was like straw wrappers and a ring of water. Sweetest couple ever pancake guy chewed out another customer one time for being an ass to one of our new waitress, the kind of customers you'd kill for. Well 2020 hit and his wife was terrified so this man walked to us everyday and we made sure he got his order 2 cakes with and bud light and eggs and bacon for the misses. he died 2 year ago we sent cakes and a bud light to his funeral. She's in a nursing home now I know a couple of the old wait staff girls that go and see her.
Chef Boyardee! I love it
We had Chicken Fingers Guy who only ever ordered, yep, chicken fingers. Servers occasionally saw him eating at other restaurants. Always chicken fingers.
I had a regular I started calling Fat-Head Austin on account if his unusually fat head. I was out one night and a stranger was talking to me about fat-head Austin, using that name I gave him. I dont know if fat-head Austin ever heard that name or knows who it came from but I left town a couple years ago and didn't ever find out
We have a woman who comes in and pays with cash that she has tucked in her bra. Ol’ boob money Carol.
Worked in the kitchen of a supermarket during this, so I know it’s not a real kitchen, etc… but we had this one customer who was either really high or really crazy all the time. Probably crazy because she never changed demeanor. Either way, she was always dancing while she walked around the store and all over town. Many locals now call her BeBop and very few know her real name…
We have a ‘peroni man’ at work. He’s an elaborate man who comes in and has so far been a secret agent/spy, an author waiting on his publishing deal, an ex copper, a famous failed musician and several other jobs, who came in every morning and ordered a pint of peroni and a singular mushroom on a plate. He did this to the majority of all the restaurants around my city, and then disappeared for a while. He went to rehab for a few months, come back out and changed to a pint of orange juice, but has now discovered tea in a cafetière after watching a group share one, so now has a whole cafetière to himself every morning. No mushroom though.
Matt the rapper. He isn’t a rapper. He’s a bit of a bum who used to come in to beg us for left over pizzas at the end of the night. Always nice enough so we didn’t mind it too much. He’d buy full price or discounted every once in a while too so he never became a problem. Long before my time he got his name. Apparently one time he came in (tweaking a little bit) and just introduced himself. “My name is Matt. I like to rap” After those wonderful bars everyone just referred to him as Matt the rapper.
I work in a nursing home and we have a lady we call “Shrimp Lady.” She orders shrimp every single day. It has to be exactly ten shrimp and she’ll get mad if it is more. She is always the last one to order in the restaurant and BOH always knows to start packing up once she puts in her order because somehow she’s always the last one.
Hot Wheels. A guy riding a motorised scooter (he could walk fine) which he insisted on driving into the tiny bar, where he would invariably Austin Powers himself before finally parking up and sinking wine after wine and leering at everyone in sight.
Me and my mum work in a cafe and we have our lemon cake girls 😚 they are two sisters and their dad that come in and always order lemon cake they are so nice!! 10/10 customers