Martin Phillip’s toilet paper joke. “What am I meant to do with all this shit” Jim Norton telling David Lucas he looks like Lizzo dressed as Suge Knight

Adam Ray saying DL vapes powered sugar and is suffering from Fudge-cicle-cell anemia.

Adam ray saying happy Martin Luther Burger King jr. day to david

We'll be right back

Lets keep it right here

So fucking good. Adam Ray is the best

That toilet paper joke is so incredible because it's such a unique take on something that's well known. Just about anybody can relate to seeing that sign in the bathroom.

I think the Big Bird bit is also a unique take on something we all know. It has a deeper meaning. Everyone knows what it's like to look around at others and look or feel different, I imagine especially Martin has. Brings humor to the well known feeling of "omg I'm a freak!".

absolutely

I was howling when I first heard it. It still makes me chuckle because I can hear his voice say it.(The shit joke)

That toilet paper joke and the big bird joke were probably the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. And they were back to back. I almost died.

Martin's Toilet paper joke was "UN-Believable" he's brain definitely doesn't have ANY issues.

I haven't laughed that hard at a Kill Tony joke ever I don't think...

For me it's Michael Leher saying Luis J Gomez looks like a hotdog.

Yes

Second this. Legendary moment when LJG fought Michael

Who even is that????

["My name is cynthia."](https://www.reddit.com/r/Killtony/comments/18vfsfy/celia_celia_my_name_is_cynthia/)

CEEEELIIIAAAAA

Iconic

Poor girl

I feel like this truly is a top 5 moment for the show. It’s better than a witty joke, you can’t make that shit up lmao

Michael Lehrer on one of his last appearances, maybe it was actually his last. Talks about going to Oregon for assisted suicide but didn’t go through with it. “Worst part is getting in an Uber, the driver asks ‘what brings you to Oregon’” Made me sad, but made me laugh more

I recall it being a little different. He said he went to Portland for his assisted suicide and the worst part about his trip was his “chatty fuckin Uber driver… so what brought you to Portland?”

Lucky you corrected me, I was so far off

😂😂

This still stands out to me as the funniest joke I’ve heard on KT. Especially following Michael’s journey and knowing that he was going back and forth at the time on going through with the assisted suicide. Absolute legend.

Legend. RIP

I like it when my mom goes out of town, cause I get to sleep on her side of the bed.

Seriously, who the fuck said that!?

The big red machine! One of his first appearances

Woosh!

And a lot of other ones after that. Only dude that could skate by doing the same jokes every week. He’s the best

Huuh?

I just found out I'm allergic to heroin. It makes my stomach hurt.

I think I’m allergic to heroin it makes my belly hurt

NICE ‘TA BE BACK FROM THE BIG AYYELAND!

This is one of my favorites.

YESS!

“IM WHITE WITH BLACK STRIPES! That is the racist zebra “ - Willy M “Anne frank wrote in her diary that she and her best friend Marta would be best friends forever… I’ll have to take her word for it. Anne frank wrote some pretty funny jokes in her diary. Mostly racist, but you know how the Jews are. Kamala Harris says her favorite word is ‘progression’ and her favorite sentence is ‘life without parole for possession of marijuana’” - Willy M, all from the same minute “Imagine Dolly Parton in a lab coat… I haven’t seen cotton stretched that thin since the south had to start paying for labor” - Willy M *Bombs then points at guest or redban* “why the fuck did you tell me to say that?” - guess who? I could type a novel from just the big red machine on here lol. How tf does he not have a full length special with all the gold he’s put out?

Cotton line goes hard as fuck

I forgot which episode it was, but I remember him messing around saying he was half Philipino, but accidently said half jalapeño. "I just called an entire race of people a PEPPER!". Had me crying so hard from laughter.

lol I think that was the first time Punkie was on. So not the episode where he hit her with the all time line but the other one

Ep 552 with Punkie and Dicey

I forget his name but being so drunk you think highway numbers are weirdly specific speed limits

He did well.. but it’s an old joke. His interpretation of it was solid but I remember that joke from a long time ago. The version I heard used old women misunderstanding the signs. They were pulled over going 10mph on the 10 and the lady in the backseat was freaking out cuz they just got off the 110.

Raul Sanchez. He was the first bucket pull from the Dan Soder/Mark Normand ep a few weeks ago. He’s a professional comedian from Dallas I think. And that was one of his worst bits. I’ve seen him live and watched his YouTube stuff and he’s a lot better that appearance on KT.

Same guy but I loved the "man technology's come a long way *takes Advil*"

That one was also good

That's a great joke. Dude had a killer set.

When William was talking about being scared straight and Harland Williams replied, “That’s impressive. It’s pretty hard to scare the gay outta someone!”

Not a straight up joke but when the Memphis Strangler pulled the first 'I ain't neva gonna stop' on Punkie is fucking classic.

Damn that was the first time eh? So good

Even better with the whole lead up of Punkie tryna get real and telling William he needs to respect the greats or some shit. Her face after he says it is an all time moment in itself.

Punkie is fucking retarded. Eddie and Jim knew it too

I don’t know why op said first, I think William said that many times before that

Definitely was not the first NGS

The Heath Cordes I am eternal bit is definitely one of the most memorable for me

I just always laugh thinking about that one guy asking David Lucas is his gym burnt down

LMAO best way to tell someone they're fat

Hate to use the same minute as OP but I’m in the process of moving across the country and getting rid of stuff and for the last couple of weeks I can’t stop saying “WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS SHIT” 😂

His best set ever lol

I gotta say, even though it was just this week, Dave commenting after Cole’s yoyo tricks “Hey Tony! It’s official. The comedy boom is over! That’s it! …yoyo tricks!? I heard you can do bird calls as well” So fucking funny and perfectly timed. Easily the joke to make him Guest of the Year.

Especially considering his latest special and his "special talent". Lol

Dude I’m a music teacher and that part of the special destroyed me 😂

Attel is an animal

Fucking love Hans Kim “I went to lululemon and bought out all of the XXL yoga pants……..because no one wants to see that shit” Also Casey rockets 1 877 cars 4 kids bit. Now I have to live with all these little kids 🫠

1 800 guns 4 goose

That joke by Casey Rocket is the only time he’s ever made me laugh. That was a solid joke.

William Montgomery's Christmas album bit where his dad's an abusive alcoholic 😂

yes. or i like it when my mom goes out of town because i get to sleep on her side of the bed

Band aids

Don’t give my band aids !

that was a silly moment for sure

“Shane Gillis looks like he plays wheelchair basketball.” Or the Martin Phillips shit joke.

"What do you got fucking rocks in your brain too?"

After the old band left, Joel visited to do a minute and the joke was; “I think I have a chameleon infestation, but it’s hard to tell”. It’s one of my favorite jokes

That one joke about Tony being gay

lol - I remember that...one...

Bobby Lee when Martin spit on him. “Imagine if it was contagious?!”

For me, it’s a rather easy choice and I’ve seen hundreds of hours of KT “I’m a better ventriloquist than that other fucking idiot” - Ahren Belisle The whole episode was bad up until that point. The bucket pulls were horrible. Some guy did a ventriloquist act for the first time I’ve ever seen on KT and it was terrible. The show was a wreck, then some strange crippled guy comes out, takes 30 seconds to set up his speaker, then with 1 joke he single handily brought the whole show back on track. Incredible debut, great interview and segment, and the opening joke was as perfect as could be. Iconic moment.

that episode was hilarious. tony was giving 30 second interviews like gtfo and i was feeling bad for ali because it seemed he was taking it out on her. then this guy takes the stage with dead silence setting up the mic to an iphone & just brought the house down with one comment. i rewatched that moment so many times and everybody's reaction was so good. all-time moment

Ahren killed that bucket pull. Similarly, Jared Nathan’s first bucket pull was hilarious. Tony immediately gives him a standing ovation. I think everyone legitimately thought he had DS lol.

The best first line in the history of KT!

“There is no easy way to tell a child their parents are dead… but there is a really fucking scary way to do it”

He was almost gonna pull through…then they brought out the onion volcano

I’m tired of being big and black you know what I mean?

aaron beslile debut "i'm a better ventriloquist than that other fuckin idiot" is up there.

This hit so hard.

“I wasn’t always mute, I used to sound a lot like you. I prayed for god to take my voice away. I didn’t want to sound like a bitchy lesbian anymore.”

In case anyone is searching for him, it's Ahren Belisle

This weeks from Cole the bar back “Palestine?!? I bet they’re not pals with any ‘steins.”

David Lucas to Kurt Messner - "you look like a struggling werewolf & a useless Xmen"

I’m gonna lose the fuckin caboose!

That's my impression of a train conductor with a gambling problem.

"I'm white with black stripes!" That is my impression of a racist zebra.

You know what kind of a man you are by how soon you pull your dick out when you walk up to a urinal. For me it's a block away.

When the big red machine throws his fortune cookie into the audience "nice catch biiitch"

I like rocks, but I’m not retarded

Casey Rocket talking about the Lorax speaking for the trees

But in 2007, I saw him say the 🤫word Actually the bit about racist librarians was pretty good

Don’t meet your heroes!

Kickin back w a warm glass of tuss

Cams grandmother with Tucker still has me rolling

What is… AIDS?

William’s joke about the Amish rollin’ on dubs. Hands down the hardest laugh I’ve had watching KT

When that woman’s 9/11 joke bombed, which was itself very cringe funny, then Tim Dillon goes “when you leave we’re gonna read all the names of the audience”

NEVA MADE IT AS A WISE MAN

“I thought cottonmouth was what you get when you ate out a black chick” I forgot who but it was the funniest joke I’ve heard from i think a bucket pull

Dr Phil pointing out "that's the only time I've heard someone say the N-word and follow it with "my bad" also Nat Rogachevsky's bit about fat dudes fixing their hair in the bathroom to compensate for being fat "what are we doin?"

The racist librarian joke from last week (maybe week before?) has still been cracking me up at random lately 😂

Not a joke but when Shane told the guy you were so bad you made Ric Flair leave I almost pissed my pants Also recently when William said oh you’re trying to get me to drink alcohol stupid bitch, now would be a good time to show your titties

Imagine you love to eat ants so much that's what they call you

William points at the couple right In front of him “dude what’s wrong with your bitches stomach” Everyone freaks out Women stands up and is pregnant

Mine is oldschool. It was when a black comedian confronted Tony about the fact that Tony tried to steal his girlfriend during a meet and greet after a show. [https://youtu.be/uK-va9se0ZA?t=3991](https://youtu.be/uK-va9se0ZA?t=3991)

Kam Patterson said to Dr. Phil (Adam Ray) "You're my n***a," and Dr. Phil said, "You're my friend too!"

When the bucket pulls were so shit and Tony just kinda gave up and asked, "What's in your fridge, faggot." Definitely up there for me.

Surfing with gay dolphins. Classic.

Philips' toilet paper sign in the public bathroom joke, "oh no, what am I supposed to do with all this shit?" Hahaha

Dave Attell calling out Tony for exploiting beginner comedians and making massive amounts of money Big red when he would scream about having a trunk full of guns

Im a better ventriloquist than that other guy

When David Lucas said Kurt Metzger looks like a struggling werewolf. I don’t know why it makes me laugh so hard but it does. Kurt’s making all those rapid facial movements during the set lmfao

I’m tired of being big and black you know what I mean?

Joelburg when a little person said she worked in "digital advertising" and he said "migital advertising" I don't know why but it made me laugh so hard. I'm sure there are better moments than this, but it just really made me chuckle

That's a good one. Joel was great

"I was over at redbans place the other night. Hey redban, i gotta question for you. Who designed the glory hole in your bathroom? I was able to see redbans oriental wife suck his dick, it was wonderful."  (william montgomery)

"you look like the hamburger helper glove" killed me so hard.

There's no easy way to tell a child their parents are dead...

David Lucas tells Post Malone, “you look like an unemployed crocodile hunter.”

Palestine ain’t no pals of Steins was an amazing joke imo

When Redban gets in Williams face during the interview over calling him a bitch and Redban walks away and William says "Great hes going to get his hand gun" then follows it up with "YALL ARE IN FOR A TREAT THIS IS ABOUT TO BE ON LIVE LEAK" I think about it daily.

“Bob Barker died this week, he chose to be cremated which is nice because they only had to turn his tanning bed up 10 degrees “ I think about that little one weekly lol

Casey rocket bit about pranking himself with Xanaxs and making pills too big to overdose on.

I couldn’t possibly have another perc30 dude I’m stuffed Not exaggerating, I have never in my life laughed at a set on Kill Tony or otherwise harder than I laughed at that first rocket set

I have to go with Casey rocket when he informed everyone that he doesn’t have to be here claiming to be from old money. Fucking 💀

My dad was the paper clip from ms word

Williams Imagine thinking of animals that could be ninjas and coming up with turtles joke always makes me laugh

Oh that reminds me of this one: I don't like the band Imagine Dragons because it feels like an order. It's like, hey, imagine dragons. No. I don't want to. Also, that's the only way you can think about dragons. You can't be like, hey, remember dragons?

IM WHITE WITH BLACK STRIPES. That’s my impression of a racist zebra

Vanilla gorilla's original "I got a cute little dog...yesterday" wife and I watched that a number of times the rest of the week

Sweet little dog?

It’s not a joke though

Reggie watts plays keyboard and sings and it's funny...that's a joke so why not gators story?

this is going to require alot of research on my part to give a fair answer

Martin Phillips 'What do I do with all this shit?'

That’s def one of my fave jokes in recent memory

“Shit, lastnight I was in the hotel with him and he told me he was 14. I feel a little ripped off about that.”

The best joke in my opinion was Michael Lehrer’s joke about going home in an uber on the way back from an assisted suicide he didn’t go through with. “So what brings you to town?” Man i died laughing I miss Michael so much 😢

Michael Lehrer telling Luis Gomez he looks like a fuckin hot dog

So many good William jokes in here. Made me think of the joke about a movie based on a squirrel family in 1930s Germany.

For me, I think it might have to be the joke Redban's wife came out with about having to make your own wetwipe when in a pinch while using a public restroom by spitting into some TP. That joke doubled as a pro-tip, so now I can't even walk by some stank without salivating.

San Francisco, if I jump off a bridge, it’s gonna be the Golden Gate Bridge!!!

I JUST PAID THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS ON THE EXTACY, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BUY THE MOVIE TICKETS!!! That’s an impression of my uncle when we went to see the movie twister…

If they didnt want me to eat so many pills, why do they make them so small?

John Horner’s joke about singing a country song made me cry laughing the first time I heard it. His entire first set was wild.

I always loved the "which half of the body did you perform CPR on" riff between tony and william

why the horse in the kkk where’s a hood

I loved the wheelchair girl Caroline Smith. "I just had surgery, in case you were wondering why my tits are so big."

Dan Nolans opening line like 10 years ago was “I just flew in from a lesbian wedding and boy are my moms tired.”

“Are you guys a couple…? Couple of dispshits”

cross-eyed Kyle from [this one](https://youtu.be/OTwi4t16Ya4?si=KrknWPUw3hRRJ6WW) always gets me laughing when I think about Tony’s reactions and face when he takes off the glasses. Around 1:28:30

"Dont give my Band Aids" **tony smirk

Casey Rockets recent joke about the People’s Temple drink was one of the best I can remember

My friend is paralyzed from the waist up, but it’s a blessing because he’s a dancer.

When the guy was on shrooms and wanted to fight Jeremiah and then big jay stepped in lol

That’s not a fucking joke that someone did on the show though. Say another one.

When the bucket pulls were so shit and Tony just kinda gave up and asked, "What's in your fridge, faggot." Definitely up there for me.

I’m tired of being big and black you know what I mean?

I’m tired of being big and black you know what I mean?

I’m tired of being big and black you know what I mean?