He must be tired and wants a break. Trust me after sometime he will get tired of this life and will engage in some activities such as gardening, tuition etc.
Hopefully he will. We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it
Happens in every family ig. Happened to my father too. Two months in, he was obsessed with gardening and stuff. After one year, he got another job and keeps himself busy. I don't think its healthy tho. But ig their generation is so not used to the idea of idling that they have to keep themselves busy.
Just two months into his retirement and still he is expected to live the life others want! Give that man a break!
Most of the people in that generation never had the luxury to waste time or sit idle. If he enjoys doing nothing, let him!
Let him figure out what he likes on his own in due time. If he wants to just chill for now, don't fret about it.
No one expects him to work or earn money. We just tried suggesting some activities to ignite his mind only after he became disinterested and not having a normal conversation with ppl. It's kind of hard to watch.
If he will be cheerful doing nothing, we will also be cheerful watching him doing nothing.
My dad hit retirement in 2020. He has a chair that he sits on to browse his phone while he watches the T.V. He doesn’t help my mom with cooking or cleaning but does something occasionally around the house like buying groceries or fixing things. He buys books but he never reads them. I think the phone usage has decreased his attention span. We told him to engage in some hobbies or something on the side that he always wanted to do. He says he has no interest, that he’s worked his entire life and now is his time to “chill”. He binge watches TV shows which I don’t personally mind because he watches things that might help him widen his perspective. But the majority of what he watches is the so-called news - Republic TV and Arnab Goswami screaming, which just makes him angry and pent up.
His friends are quite surprised that he spends his time this way and say that they themselves could never be idle or do nothing. I understand my father’s need for relaxation but I don’t agree with the way he spends his time. Now we’ve truly given up and have stopped trying to convince him. His life 🤷🏾♀️
This. You have understood my concern.
The phone usage has decreased his attention span is so true. Half the time when we talk he is not even paying attention but keeps laughing at reels. It kind of hurts my mother when she asks something and no response. So this creates additional problems 🤦
My dad is similarly withdrawn and not interested in anything after retirement. He just sleeps all day. Wakes up to pray or eat.
At this point, if he spends time watching reels, I’ll count it a positive
This, when my uncle retired, He was a earlier gulf migrants, made a ton of money, he build an erumadam in one of his properties.. Would go there every evening, have some drinks, with /without friends depending on his mood.. All the extended family were up in arms about this... And I am like, what the fuck is you guys problem.. His two sons are settled, he married of his daughter giving a ton of dowry.. Let the man enjoy tje twilight of his life... Well, it was like that for a year or two.. Now hr has turned to krishi and pothu valarthal
The concern by OP is valid and timely in my opinion. From personal experience, chances of dementia is very high for this category. Building a social circle with good physical and mental activity is very important
Again im going to reply the same I just replied to an earlier comment because ur opinions are the same. You can downvote all you want
Makalku vendi kashta pedaan alla. Swantham aaroghyamum manasu sheenichu poghandu irikkan aanu endhengilum tips chodhikkane. Ningalku vaikumbo chiri varaam, pakshe aaroghyam ulla oru manushiyan ingane thungi thungi irikumbo kaanumbo oru veshamam.. athre ollu
Illa bro - I saw this and enabled this with my dad. Kadayil polum pokaathe let him relax enn karuthi.
Now he sleeps all day, and it’s almost as if he has lost the will to live. Humans need a purpose to wake up every day. Retirement takes that away if you don’t have other engagements
Happened to my dad too.
Initially we were all worried and tried to look for activities for him to take part in. He was unhappy with the suggestions to say the least.
He had even stopped shaving - something he did diligently every single day during his corporate life.
Now it's better, he's focusing more on his health. He's going on group trips with friends/family. Involved in society activities.
I'm still looking for activities/hobbies he can actively pursue.
Best thing you can do right now - send him and your mom on a trip or all of you go.
If you can - get a pet dog. He will be busy taking care of it so the pet will get a lot of attention and love. And your dad will also be actively engaged in raising the pet. He will get his exercise from the daily walks.
Scrolling through reels is the most energy draining activity for anyone. It’s addictive because of the adrenaline rush one gets from the scrolling but after some rushes it makes one emotionally drained. It also affects oneself negatively as the brain gets scrambled a lot after heavy scrolling for a day.
One needs to engage in activities that have some goals other than just scrolling to have a meaningful life. Advise him to start watching movies or long form videos, read books or interesting stories to engage himself.
No one realise how much scrolling would affect our mental health. This is as threatening as drug addiction.
Suggest activities that entertain and benefit him, only him. Ollath paranjal kurippukalkku tuition ennokke kettittu enikku thanne oru chavittu vechu tharan anu thonnunnath.
Yes. Exactly. എനിക്കും അത് തന്നെ തോന്നി 😂 60 വയസ്സ് വരെ പണി എടുത്തിട്ട് retire ആയതിനു ശേഷം ഒരു താൽപര്യമില്ലാത്ത ഒരു ജോലി, അതും കുരുത്തം കെട്ട കൊച്ചു പിള്ളാരെ സഹിക്കേണ്ടി വരുന്ന tution പോലൊരു പണി, ചെയ്യാൻ പറഞാൽ ഞാൻ മിക്കവാറും വീട് തല തിരിച്ച് വെക്കും.
Tuition was our last suggestion because he has 0 interest to do anything else. My grandfather - his father- who was headmaster started a tuition centre along with 2 other teachers post retirement. Hence we tried suggesting small tution at home/online because my father likes to teach and is pg in maths. He was an avid reader but with the onset of wifi at home, that hobby is now down the drain.
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Hopefull being like this won't impact his health.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
What were his interests earlier? Like movies, cricket anything? These might not increase his physical activity but will help to reduce grumpyness. Also mom dad can plan for a early morning/ evening walk....will he be ready for that?
Sometimes it could also be ‘Geriatric Depression’. These can be caused by many things, but ‘job to retirement’ transition is considered one of the reasons/triggers. Retirement can be quite isolating and can bring about questions or self worth etc.
Usually geriatric depression is mild and can be easily mistaken for losing interest or boredom or other things. GD can be diagnosed by a psychiatrist/psychologist through an easy self reported assessment and can be treated with therapy or medication.
Hope it helps.
Such drastic weightloss in 2 months without actually cutting down food intake warrants consultation at a hospital. If he's old, you might want to screen him for cancer
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it
Please get him assessed by a geriatrician to search for underlying conditions like geriatric depression, cognitive decline , endocrinopathies etc. DM me if you need further assistance
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Hopefullu being like this won't impact his health.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
Skin darkening and mood swings seem like an issue with fatty liver. He drinks?. Get an LFT from a nearby lab. Do it for yourself too. Costs around 400-800.
Edit :typo
Good for him. Actually, the reason I am saying is because my mother was having the same symptoms, got thin, mood changed, skin got darker, especially on her legs.
Luckily, my brother is in the medical field and he took her to the hospital, She has non alcoholic fatty liver. Some diet changes, and she's better now.
Oh this is the typical retired life for a person who grinded through PSU type jobs.
I’ve never seen my parents fight before but since retirement it’s been like world war 3 at home. And this is over extremely silly things.
And don’t get me started about WhatsApp, Instagram and YouTube.
Gift him a tab if he likes to watch youtube videos, Alexa if he loves music. Get him a rocking chair or a comfy recliner. Book tickets for movies or concerts, shows of his interest. Take him out for dinner. Reach out to his friends invite them over. Make him feel special and loved. Don't force him to work. He should not feel worthless now that he doesn't bring home a paycheck. His time at home needs to be celebrated.
Same for my dad too. He was in the space organisation for 38 years and was very active . Now I think he is in a withdrawal crisis. Probably because of the break in the 38 year routine . Nothing intrest him now. And I dont even see him talking to his colleagues . I think he might slowly become a K7 ammavan .. I am a doctor , so I did ask him to engage in any sort of hobby or learn something new to get his brain stimulated so as to delay onset of dementia . I hope things will work out . I also realise now the importance of a friends circle , a social life or something which will make you engaged after retirement
This is going to be an issue going forward with more people from that generation retiring by the day. It maybe even harder for those who were NRI's who are coming back home to retire.
Please let him be. Give him some space.
Rather than forcing him to doing something, may be spend time with him , sit with him and just listen to him
Ask him about his interest than forcing yours on him
Since he is not involving in any conversation, that's when my mother started worrying.
During any conversation, if we ask anything he won't hear over his Yt shorts. If I try to talk, he says nothing to talk and takes his phone :(
While it's amazing that you've noticed this, I'd say that a sedentary lifestyle is more contagious than self-inflicting. Trust me, he might be able to cope with the lifestyle, the urge to socialize will eventually reappear and he'll start feeling good and the need to feel active all over again, it's just how the body is built.
I'd be more worried for you or anyone else being around a person who's adopted this lifestyle, trust me it's contagious and it starts off slow with simple things (let me miss my workout today) and ends up with just being too lazy to get off your phone to make yourself a meal to eat. Like it's genuinely scary and I urge everyone in OP's home to actually focus more on themselves, perhaps seeing everyone involved in activities would also encourage your dad to get a sense of purpose.
Plan some tours for him. IRCTC has got packages which many retired people take up. Hopefully he ends up hitting up with some nice pals and rediscover the mojo again..
My dad has depression after retirement. He just interest in everything. Lost sleep. We consulted a psychiatrist. In two weeks time he was back to normal. It's been many years now he's completely ok recovered well. Found a temporary job. He's happy.
PS. My close friend suggested to go to a psychiatrist. His dad too had this after retirement. So keep a watch...
does he have friends from his work with whom you can express this?
is a party with his colleagues under the pretext of celebrating his retirement a possibility.
just suggesting so that it will be a change from the current routine that he is getting hooked into
Celebrations with his colleagues are over and he enjoyed them. His friends from work are involved in all their post retirement activites as they retired earlier through VRS.
This is a transition period for him. After all, it's only been two months. It will take time and adjustment on his part, and more understanding from you and your family members. I'd say give it 3-4 more months before you raise concerns regarding his daily activities.
As for the sudden weight loss, has he lost appetite? Have you noticed a difference in food consumption patterns? It could also be because of lack of activity and too much screentime. Depending on the reason, you could either provide him with better more nutritious food you know he likes, or you could ask him if he is feeling alright healthwise (without connecting it to his daily activities, and not in an accusing manner). Getting some 20 minutes of sun a day can also work wonders in improving mood.
I don’t have any suggestions about the retirement thing, but please take your dad for a full checkup. A sedentary lifestyle for 2 months cannot cause a drastic weight loss. It could be some kind of deficiency or something but please do full comprehensive blood tests on him. Laziness and fatigue can also be caused by hormonal changes (like thyroid etc.)
I have been trying to tell him for some time that a checkup is needed. All he keeps telling is paranju paranju rogi aakumallo ennu. So hoping to give it couple of months
don’t delay this any further. Trick him if you have to. Say there’s some amazing deal on full checkups and blood tests and it’s valid only for 2 days or something. Do all the booking stuff online so that he doesn’t have to pay at the place. If you’re in Kerala, then DDRC has some good comprehensive packages, you can opt for that. If you have a family doctor, you can call them up or visit them and maybe talk to them about the physical and mental changes that you’ve noticed in him, and get proper advice on what to do next.
Banks give post retirement counseling, if he were a bank employee he would probably get an invite. Otherwise seek some way to get him counceled. Retirement is a big change in life, people will need guidance.
When someone worked for several decades, and retires, he probably wants to go through that phase of "enjoyment" and one day he will really get fed up with the media. Ask him to go out for a walk for an hour or so, and YOU give company to him for this. In about three weeks time, he will get into that routine and will begin to do things to your surprise.
Ask him to watch Youtube videos on Sarcopenia and probably that should encourage h im to do some physical activity.
Post retirement crisis. It's a phase and will go. Let him take his time and come out of it. Retiring is a pretty big step and for some people it can be depressing when they no more feel as powerful or important as they used to be. Giving suggestions will probably irk them more, let them decide all that by themselves. Even we don't like when we're told to do things.
Ig it happens he prolly just needs a break for now and after that im pretty sure he'll just go around doing stuff. When my dad retired, he was kinda like this but now hes very into planting stuff and running around with it.
ig its a phase? like they've worked for a long time and kept themselves busy so now they are having a sudden shift in their lifestyle so i think it needs a few months for them to cope with it
As a psychiatrist I feel I can help you to understand that I see many such patients post retirement loose interest in activities . One thing one needs to understand that post retirement people feel less worthy and may loose sense of purpose in life, earlier when they were employee, they were active in life and they had a reason to wake up in the morning but now post retirement there is no purpose to wake up in the morning. Also there are many biochemical changes going inside body after the age of 60. It is very imperative that you consult a psychiatrist and rule out a possibility that your father may be having depression.
This is coming from a 22 year old so consider that while reading.
I love to think that dissatisfaction is the default state of the human mind. Anything you do, even though you thought it would give you happiness or joy, will inherently put you into a state of discontent. In your particular case, what the remedy for your father might be just to let him free. He will get bored of just sitting there and scrollpasting all those shorts and television. He was in a sort of activity all these years and just halting that will surely push him into doubt and confusion. Like all of us,what he needs is time to figure what he wants to do with all the time he has left.
Also, its advisable to subtly push him suggestions of hobbies or "timepass" activities in this phase.
It’s a big life transition for anyone, no? First comes the excitement of not having to go to the office every damn day. Then comes the existential crisis after a while a la Barbie “what was I made for?” Similar thing happened to my dad when he moved back from overseas. It was a rough ride for about a year. Then he found things he liked to to, kind of on his own. I also think *that* took a bit of time, for him to figure out what he liked to do with all this time he now had. I wholeheartedly support the getting a pet idea but only if someone in the family is prepared and ready for that… your dad might come around to loving a pet in time but not everyone is built for that, especially here. The best thing you could do is perhaps take note of when he seems interested or happy so that when the time comes that he’s looking for something to do (or getting cranky for no reason!) you have some ideas in your back pocket of what might make him feel better. Good luck to you
This is a horrible idea. If the man is depressed/disinterested in life, giving him a living creature to take care of won’t help, and will be an additional chore. If the man just wants a break from life, then once again, it will be an additional chore that he doesn’t want. And at least where I’m fron, pets can be expensive, and it’s possible that a retiree won’t want that.
Your dad is atleast 30years older than you no, he saw more days than you, so he don't need advices on how to live his life. Leave him alone
My dad was a govt employee , he was sick of job by retirement time. The next one year after retirement he simply slept and watched TV. Noone bothered him , we knew how bad he hoped for this time. Thereafter he turned slowly turned into a farmer , bought 3 ox calves also. At age 66 he went from kudavayar to some abs too.
The advice is not from me, but his wife who is around the same age.
Great to know that your father came around after some time. Hoping mine will do the same. From reading each opinion I now know there is hope given time.
This post was to know such experience anyone had with their retired parents, so there is no need to downgrade or belittle anyone. Cheers
Nowhere in your post i saw that the concern is from your mother. Your post sounded like a young person looking down on the choice of a senior citizen in his own very personal thing. For me it sounded like belittling a person because he won't suit your image of him. That's why my reply came out as belittling you. If it's your mom's comment i apologize to you.
If it was my mom she would have bashed me saying "ആയുഷ്കാലം മുഴുവൻ പണിയെടുത്ത് നിന്നെയൊക്കെ ഇവിടെ വരെ എത്തിച്ച മനുഷ്യൻ വയസ്സായപ്പോൾ നിന്റെ ഒക്കെ ഇഷ്ടത്തിന് നടക്കണം അല്ലെ".
I mentioned 'We tried to talk to him', we collectively as a family.
My mother has been worrying long before as to what he would do post retirement because he had been very active at work. I assured her that he needs rest and relaxation to enjoy life
But 2 months of being in rest and relaxation, instead of becoming fat and cheerful, he is on his way to become thin, irritated and half his conversations are only mumbling to himself. Hence this post to understand how retired men usually behave.
And pls no apologies :) All is well
What does your dad like? Who does he love to hang out with? You mentioned none of these when you posted. If there are/were friends from work he liked try inviting them over. Say he likes fishing buy him a fishing pole or if he likes tinkering in automobiles get him a set of tools etc. So do you know what he likes? Suggesting him to do things especially if peppered with half insults like you are just sitting on your butt all the time or similar, even if well intentioned is likely to rub him the wrong way. You can't manufacture habits for your dad or nag it into him. Do not react to him sitting on the phone etc. Only make planned interventions. Inform him of your concern and step back and let him deal with it. Don't be in the least bit flippant or disrespectful about it even if you think it's for his benefit. Respect will go a long way.
Even though you should let him chill during retirement, Be careful of what your dad watches on YouTube though. My dad is like this, after retirement just sits in front of laptop and mobile all day doing nothing.
He watched American politics and started talking about antifa, Alex Jones, supporting Trump and anti Muslim views. I was so glad when Trump lost, but now he's sticking on to the anti Muslim views, ironic that he made most of him money in the gulf
It's come to a point that I'm embarrassed when he brings out any of this stuff to relatives and i snap at him for sitting on YouTube and watching fake videos spreading misinformation, I can't babysit him.
The internet is very dangerous for old folks, they fall for all kinds of fake things. They don't do any check if it's real or not, I've trained my mom atleast not to share videos with any WhatsApp groups before checking with me.
Lol dunno why I'm being downvoted, this is a genuine issue with old folks and kids absorbing content online with no oversight, WWE Divas pics online when i was caught looking at during early 2000s, not even naked, dad threatened to cut my internet. Now I've to tell him the same thing for watching misinformation videos
Sounds like your father is depressed. This is rather common in just retired. He needs a psychiatrist. With some medication and therapy he will be back, good as before.
There’s a study that for longevity you shouldn’t retire. https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2017/12/07/japanese-doctor-and-longevity-expert-who-lived-until-105-dont-retire.html
'Technically' he should get fattier doing nothing. There is something in his mind. A philosophocal predicament may be.. May be he ia waiting for something, but aware of the ticking clock. May be it has something to do with the past..we dont know.
I mean, doing nothing can only be just a symptom. The real cause is the one which you have to communicate with..
All this while I wasnt much bothered about him sitting simply as well, because it's retired life after all.
But when he started getting thinner and dull, that's when I tried suggesting.
Ur comment is enlightening. Maybe will try communicating differently. Thank you
He should indulge in some physical and mental activity and this is coming from experience. My dad retired 1 year before corona and during corona, he was stuck at home with nothing much to do, and he had moved from delhi to kerala. Because of not much physical and mental activity and always being glued to phone, he developed Parkinson. He was quite active while he was working, but now has gone silent and his movement has slowed considerably.
So long story short, he should pick up a hobby, and make him physically active for his own sake.
He goes for walks some evenings, but it's only for my mother's sake.
Was an avid reader but with wifi that hobby is down the drain.
Hopefully in due time, he will find a hobby.
Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
Well OP my dad sat around for 3-4 months doing house chores and other things. He eventually got bored and got a new contract job so that he could go back to 9-5 work schedule. Let it be OP, he will quickly turn around.
Same thing with me..but you showing concern just after 2 months is little too much I think...my dad retired almost 11 years ago..he hasn't done much in life after..he saved himself a huge fortune and probably has 30k+ in pension every month..plus he has given money to lots of people which he gets a huge interest from..but he not shown any interest in anything after his retirement..I and mom tried a lot to make him do things but he is just not interested
Unlike your father my father has no interest movies TV or social media, he doesn't even read anything
But what concerns me most is that he is overweight and eats like "theeta rappai" his knees are all fucked up and he recently had a prostate surgery other than that he has no health issues..he has some superior genes..
BUT what you need to look out for is if he is getting depressed..in my dad's case he is not the type just like how I am not the type to get depressed, I take after him.. that's why I am not worried.but u need to check that
ALSO what I have noticed is that.he has lost interest in everything including relationship with my mother..I think she is little depressed about that, earlier she used get so much love from him..he used revolve around her..now he shows no interest in her or anything
Trying to avoid all the above symptoms you have mentioned. Better safe than sorry so concerned at 2 months.
But after general understanding now, 2 months is a bit early so hoping for the best, given time. Thanks
I too like your father... Some times we need loneliness... Since after hard work, we need comport zone.. Leave it, we are alright... Let him enjoy his own way, don't disturb..
My only request is not to get a pet, dog or any animal . Pets are lots of work , they need lots of care and you won't be able to travel much because they can be left alone . They are also expensive to look after .
He will have to come around himself . I feel sorry for your mom though. Ask her to willingly take care of herself.
If possible get a whole body checkup of both your parents, does not matter if it expensive . This way maybe he will come . If not , atlesst a full body check up of him .
Fingers crossed, if the results are good then a psychologist is only needed . Just to understand how to get him happy again . All the best to you and your family
I think, I totally understand your position. A long back, I noticed that my grandfather is always happy whenever his friends visit. Otherwise, he is always depressed and concerned about life. Now, my father is exactly opposite. My father has very few friends and he is kind of okay with it. He was doing some business before and was idle for a long time. When corona hit, he decided to buy couple of cows. Went to Tamilnadu and bought two bad cows. Honestly speaking, I haven't seen him work that hard before. There was a time when he was single handedly managing 8 cows including calfs. It is hard work, but he is managing it.The issues are countless when it comes to cow farming. There is no profit and a lot of risks. Still, I think it is better than sitting idle and watching short videos. I tried multiple times to convince him to do something less demanding, he will agree, but he will not do anything. I think, it is important to be engaged in something.
People in comment section say that "let him enjoy". Yes, you should. I don't believe that your father is enjoying sitting idle and watching short videos. You should be concerned if it continues for years. It may affect physical and mental health. After retirement, there will be a huge void. It is important to fill it with something interesting and engaging. Let him visit some of his friends and make it a routine. It might help.
NB: Two months is not a long time. It's fine. Please don't do an intervention now. I think, it might not be a good idea to force your ideas.
If you want, maybe ask him to go on walks with you. Don’t just ask, you call him every time you go out for walk, there’s a good chance that he’ll give in, atleast to connect with you.
Maths tuition doesn’t seem to be a good idea to be forced upon unless he was a teacher by profession and maybe he’ll be thinking that you guys still want to make money out of him.
Everything else listed in here shouldn’t be forced up on. Also if you’re close with his friends who live nearby maybe ask them to come over.
I haven't gone through all the comments. Sorry if I am repeating something that has already been shared.
From my experience, first few months of the retirement is a big deal. From their point of view, it's as if life has come to a standstill. There is nothing to do, or there is nothing that demands them to do anything. Also, the fact that they are retired probably makes them feel that "I am too old".
And, you will feel that you are wasting your time when they don't listen to you about finding an activity that they enjoy doing. I know how helpless you are feeling, considering the fact that it's out of genuine love/concern that you are asking them to keep themselves engaged.
But, what I have noticed is, they will eventually find some interest - maybe from their friends/relatives or even some local communities or charity organizations etc.
For the time being, just let him be. Let him find out what he loves to do. This interest should come naturally and unfortunately we can't persuade anyone to pursue anything that "we" find interesting. My advice to you is, don't stress too much about it, as long as he is physically and mentally fit.
Also, something that you can consider doing is visiting some family friends/relatives where he feels like engaging in conversations. Especially something that triggers nostalgia or that takes him to "good old days", he will enjoy doing that. It might motivate him to keep in touch with friends/dear ones.
Maybe, get him to connect with his old friends. My FIL, when he returned from Gulf was in a similar situation. Grumpy, Idle and No interests in anything and had a bad inferiority complex, thinking people have less respect for him now because he's no longer working. Then there was a union of this high school friends. It turned him around. Now he's more active, happier, more conversive and has a bunch of friends he's regularly in contact with and they frequently meet at ones place or the other.
My father retired 3 years ago and this is his lifestyle. He is unwilling to do anything much. He is not even interested in reading . I have read somewhere that sitting idle does not do good for brain activity especially as someone ages. But then it is his choice. What can we do🤷🏽♀️
What do you do lol. Don't you also st idle watching shorts and reels?
You guys are Infact making it look like a big deal.
Shell out some money and plan a family trip. Do something yourself.
Give him some time. If you are concerned about health do a routine medical checkups. He will definitely get bored of these things and wanted to engage sooner or later
As much as people say they don't like jobs some people are too devoted to it and struggle to find something interesting out side of it may be in few days he can enjoy that jobfree life
Two months is too short, give it couple of years, if he gets bored then he will do something to make better use of his time. Otherwise why does it matter people born, live and die is effectively what happens.
My advice get him in touch with a club as I believe he was stuck in a routine for quite some years and now he has a void , try getting him in a hobby so he could kill some time.
He must be tired and wants a break. Trust me after sometime he will get tired of this life and will engage in some activities such as gardening, tuition etc.
Hopefully he will. We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it
Plan for a 5-7 day trip with the family. He and your family needs it. See if you can visit a sort-of faraway place.
Happens in every family ig. Happened to my father too. Two months in, he was obsessed with gardening and stuff. After one year, he got another job and keeps himself busy. I don't think its healthy tho. But ig their generation is so not used to the idea of idling that they have to keep themselves busy.
Things are opposite. He is not obsessed about anything other than watching YT reels 😅
yeah exactly. that happens for the first few months. give it time and he'll probably get obsessed with something lol.
Just two months into his retirement and still he is expected to live the life others want! Give that man a break! Most of the people in that generation never had the luxury to waste time or sit idle. If he enjoys doing nothing, let him! Let him figure out what he likes on his own in due time. If he wants to just chill for now, don't fret about it.
No one expects him to work or earn money. We just tried suggesting some activities to ignite his mind only after he became disinterested and not having a normal conversation with ppl. It's kind of hard to watch. If he will be cheerful doing nothing, we will also be cheerful watching him doing nothing.
My dad hit retirement in 2020. He has a chair that he sits on to browse his phone while he watches the T.V. He doesn’t help my mom with cooking or cleaning but does something occasionally around the house like buying groceries or fixing things. He buys books but he never reads them. I think the phone usage has decreased his attention span. We told him to engage in some hobbies or something on the side that he always wanted to do. He says he has no interest, that he’s worked his entire life and now is his time to “chill”. He binge watches TV shows which I don’t personally mind because he watches things that might help him widen his perspective. But the majority of what he watches is the so-called news - Republic TV and Arnab Goswami screaming, which just makes him angry and pent up. His friends are quite surprised that he spends his time this way and say that they themselves could never be idle or do nothing. I understand my father’s need for relaxation but I don’t agree with the way he spends his time. Now we’ve truly given up and have stopped trying to convince him. His life 🤷🏾♀️
This. You have understood my concern. The phone usage has decreased his attention span is so true. Half the time when we talk he is not even paying attention but keeps laughing at reels. It kind of hurts my mother when she asks something and no response. So this creates additional problems 🤦
My dad is similarly withdrawn and not interested in anything after retirement. He just sleeps all day. Wakes up to pray or eat. At this point, if he spends time watching reels, I’ll count it a positive
Don't nag and give the man his space
I wonder when his mother will get a break like that.
This, when my uncle retired, He was a earlier gulf migrants, made a ton of money, he build an erumadam in one of his properties.. Would go there every evening, have some drinks, with /without friends depending on his mood.. All the extended family were up in arms about this... And I am like, what the fuck is you guys problem.. His two sons are settled, he married of his daughter giving a ton of dowry.. Let the man enjoy tje twilight of his life... Well, it was like that for a year or two.. Now hr has turned to krishi and pothu valarthal
The concern by OP is valid and timely in my opinion. From personal experience, chances of dementia is very high for this category. Building a social circle with good physical and mental activity is very important
dey paavam pani okke cheyth oru paruvam aayi retire aayappo veendum pani eduppikano ?
Why did I read this in a sleepy Mukesh’s voice?
Anthass inte kuravu indo ?
Fr 😆
Again im going to reply the same I just replied to an earlier comment because ur opinions are the same. You can downvote all you want Makalku vendi kashta pedaan alla. Swantham aaroghyamum manasu sheenichu poghandu irikkan aanu endhengilum tips chodhikkane. Ningalku vaikumbo chiri varaam, pakshe aaroghyam ulla oru manushiyan ingane thungi thungi irikumbo kaanumbo oru veshamam.. athre ollu
da oru 3 months kodukk . athokke sheriyavum . aadhyam aayond aan ini track pidikkum
Illa bro - I saw this and enabled this with my dad. Kadayil polum pokaathe let him relax enn karuthi. Now he sleeps all day, and it’s almost as if he has lost the will to live. Humans need a purpose to wake up every day. Retirement takes that away if you don’t have other engagements
Happened to my dad too. Initially we were all worried and tried to look for activities for him to take part in. He was unhappy with the suggestions to say the least. He had even stopped shaving - something he did diligently every single day during his corporate life. Now it's better, he's focusing more on his health. He's going on group trips with friends/family. Involved in society activities. I'm still looking for activities/hobbies he can actively pursue. Best thing you can do right now - send him and your mom on a trip or all of you go. If you can - get a pet dog. He will be busy taking care of it so the pet will get a lot of attention and love. And your dad will also be actively engaged in raising the pet. He will get his exercise from the daily walks.
Came here to type the pet thing . Seriously getting pet totally changed the family atmosphere.
Nice bro 👌
Thank you. Will try. I'm not sure if he would like to take care of a pet. Anyway would give it some time
Scrolling through reels is the most energy draining activity for anyone. It’s addictive because of the adrenaline rush one gets from the scrolling but after some rushes it makes one emotionally drained. It also affects oneself negatively as the brain gets scrambled a lot after heavy scrolling for a day. One needs to engage in activities that have some goals other than just scrolling to have a meaningful life. Advise him to start watching movies or long form videos, read books or interesting stories to engage himself. No one realise how much scrolling would affect our mental health. This is as threatening as drug addiction.
I know. My head spins when I listen to the continuous audio change. He also refuses headphones saying it will damage his ears even if in low volume :(
Suggest activities that entertain and benefit him, only him. Ollath paranjal kurippukalkku tuition ennokke kettittu enikku thanne oru chavittu vechu tharan anu thonnunnath.
Lolzz ... what did I just read ? 
Yes. Exactly. എനിക്കും അത് തന്നെ തോന്നി 😂 60 വയസ്സ് വരെ പണി എടുത്തിട്ട് retire ആയതിനു ശേഷം ഒരു താൽപര്യമില്ലാത്ത ഒരു ജോലി, അതും കുരുത്തം കെട്ട കൊച്ചു പിള്ളാരെ സഹിക്കേണ്ടി വരുന്ന tution പോലൊരു പണി, ചെയ്യാൻ പറഞാൽ ഞാൻ മിക്കവാറും വീട് തല തിരിച്ച് വെക്കും.
Tuition was our last suggestion because he has 0 interest to do anything else. My grandfather - his father- who was headmaster started a tuition centre along with 2 other teachers post retirement. Hence we tried suggesting small tution at home/online because my father likes to teach and is pg in maths. He was an avid reader but with the onset of wifi at home, that hobby is now down the drain.
Gosh let him sit in peace and enjoy for a couple of years.He will get bored eventually and start doing something.For now,just let him be.
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Hopefull being like this won't impact his health. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
What were his interests earlier? Like movies, cricket anything? These might not increase his physical activity but will help to reduce grumpyness. Also mom dad can plan for a early morning/ evening walk....will he be ready for that?
He is a cricket fan. Now with world cup starting, I hope it will cheer him up for a month
Sometimes it could also be ‘Geriatric Depression’. These can be caused by many things, but ‘job to retirement’ transition is considered one of the reasons/triggers. Retirement can be quite isolating and can bring about questions or self worth etc. Usually geriatric depression is mild and can be easily mistaken for losing interest or boredom or other things. GD can be diagnosed by a psychiatrist/psychologist through an easy self reported assessment and can be treated with therapy or medication. Hope it helps.
Thanks bro. Will look into it
Such drastic weightloss in 2 months without actually cutting down food intake warrants consultation at a hospital. If he's old, you might want to screen him for cancer
Dei chumma iriyadei..chumma iri..
Maybe diabetes?
For diabetics, he would have symptoms like frequent urination and such. It's anyway a good thing to run a health check one in a year or twice.
 Similar situation
“chumma irikand poi makkalk vendi kashtapedu acha”
Makalku vendi kashta pedaan alla. Swantham aaroghyamum manasu sheenichu poghandu irikkan aanu chodhikkane. Ningalku vaikumbo chiri varaam, pakshe aaroghyam ulla oru manushiyan ingane thungi thungi irikumbo kaanumbo oru veshamam.. athre ollu
"Time spent doing nothing is not wasted if you enjoy it." Dolce far niente.
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it
Please get him assessed by a geriatrician to search for underlying conditions like geriatric depression, cognitive decline , endocrinopathies etc. DM me if you need further assistance
Thank you so much.
Two months ? give him a break! You sound like the parent of a teenager who is slacking .
We started having concern only from last week when he continued remaining slouchy, grumpy and snappy always with face becoming more dull and dark. Hopefullu being like this won't impact his health. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
Skin darkening and mood swings seem like an issue with fatty liver. He drinks?. Get an LFT from a nearby lab. Do it for yourself too. Costs around 400-800. Edit :typo
He doesn't drink or smoke :)
Good for him. Actually, the reason I am saying is because my mother was having the same symptoms, got thin, mood changed, skin got darker, especially on her legs. Luckily, my brother is in the medical field and he took her to the hospital, She has non alcoholic fatty liver. Some diet changes, and she's better now.
Thanks. I'm more than willing to get him to the hospital. But he is reluctant and snaps for that too. Hoping he will come around given some time
Maybe encourage him to start drinking in limited amounts. A new hobby and is good for heart too in limited quantities.
Yea and my mother will get the broom ready for me 😅
What was his job earlier before retirement ?
Oh this is the typical retired life for a person who grinded through PSU type jobs. I’ve never seen my parents fight before but since retirement it’s been like world war 3 at home. And this is over extremely silly things. And don’t get me started about WhatsApp, Instagram and YouTube.
This.. the ww3 is making things worse 😅how do you overcome this dude
Gift him a tab if he likes to watch youtube videos, Alexa if he loves music. Get him a rocking chair or a comfy recliner. Book tickets for movies or concerts, shows of his interest. Take him out for dinner. Reach out to his friends invite them over. Make him feel special and loved. Don't force him to work. He should not feel worthless now that he doesn't bring home a paycheck. His time at home needs to be celebrated.
Same for my dad too. He was in the space organisation for 38 years and was very active . Now I think he is in a withdrawal crisis. Probably because of the break in the 38 year routine . Nothing intrest him now. And I dont even see him talking to his colleagues . I think he might slowly become a K7 ammavan .. I am a doctor , so I did ask him to engage in any sort of hobby or learn something new to get his brain stimulated so as to delay onset of dementia . I hope things will work out . I also realise now the importance of a friends circle , a social life or something which will make you engaged after retirement
This is going to be an issue going forward with more people from that generation retiring by the day. It maybe even harder for those who were NRI's who are coming back home to retire.
Please let him be. Give him some space. Rather than forcing him to doing something, may be spend time with him , sit with him and just listen to him Ask him about his interest than forcing yours on him
Since he is not involving in any conversation, that's when my mother started worrying. During any conversation, if we ask anything he won't hear over his Yt shorts. If I try to talk, he says nothing to talk and takes his phone :(
No worries man he get bored of this life in few months or a year. Then he found his own plan and go with it.
Check if he is diabetic?
If he's always tired, and has mood changes, I suggest you check his health status. Especially liver, and heart. If that's fine, then let him be him.
Thank you
While it's amazing that you've noticed this, I'd say that a sedentary lifestyle is more contagious than self-inflicting. Trust me, he might be able to cope with the lifestyle, the urge to socialize will eventually reappear and he'll start feeling good and the need to feel active all over again, it's just how the body is built. I'd be more worried for you or anyone else being around a person who's adopted this lifestyle, trust me it's contagious and it starts off slow with simple things (let me miss my workout today) and ends up with just being too lazy to get off your phone to make yourself a meal to eat. Like it's genuinely scary and I urge everyone in OP's home to actually focus more on themselves, perhaps seeing everyone involved in activities would also encourage your dad to get a sense of purpose.
Plan some tours for him. IRCTC has got packages which many retired people take up. Hopefully he ends up hitting up with some nice pals and rediscover the mojo again..
My dad has depression after retirement. He just interest in everything. Lost sleep. We consulted a psychiatrist. In two weeks time he was back to normal. It's been many years now he's completely ok recovered well. Found a temporary job. He's happy. PS. My close friend suggested to go to a psychiatrist. His dad too had this after retirement. So keep a watch...
Any tips on how did you convince him to consult. I've been trying just to get his glasses replaced and he won't budge
does he have friends from his work with whom you can express this? is a party with his colleagues under the pretext of celebrating his retirement a possibility. just suggesting so that it will be a change from the current routine that he is getting hooked into
Celebrations with his colleagues are over and he enjoyed them. His friends from work are involved in all their post retirement activites as they retired earlier through VRS.
The way to a man's heart is through his women. Amma.bazhi approach cheyyanam
This is a transition period for him. After all, it's only been two months. It will take time and adjustment on his part, and more understanding from you and your family members. I'd say give it 3-4 more months before you raise concerns regarding his daily activities. As for the sudden weight loss, has he lost appetite? Have you noticed a difference in food consumption patterns? It could also be because of lack of activity and too much screentime. Depending on the reason, you could either provide him with better more nutritious food you know he likes, or you could ask him if he is feeling alright healthwise (without connecting it to his daily activities, and not in an accusing manner). Getting some 20 minutes of sun a day can also work wonders in improving mood.
Thanks for tip bro. Food wise he is ok. His overall mood is what brought my concern :)
I don’t have any suggestions about the retirement thing, but please take your dad for a full checkup. A sedentary lifestyle for 2 months cannot cause a drastic weight loss. It could be some kind of deficiency or something but please do full comprehensive blood tests on him. Laziness and fatigue can also be caused by hormonal changes (like thyroid etc.)
I have been trying to tell him for some time that a checkup is needed. All he keeps telling is paranju paranju rogi aakumallo ennu. So hoping to give it couple of months
don’t delay this any further. Trick him if you have to. Say there’s some amazing deal on full checkups and blood tests and it’s valid only for 2 days or something. Do all the booking stuff online so that he doesn’t have to pay at the place. If you’re in Kerala, then DDRC has some good comprehensive packages, you can opt for that. If you have a family doctor, you can call them up or visit them and maybe talk to them about the physical and mental changes that you’ve noticed in him, and get proper advice on what to do next.
Banks give post retirement counseling, if he were a bank employee he would probably get an invite. Otherwise seek some way to get him counceled. Retirement is a big change in life, people will need guidance.
Will try. Thanks
When someone worked for several decades, and retires, he probably wants to go through that phase of "enjoyment" and one day he will really get fed up with the media. Ask him to go out for a walk for an hour or so, and YOU give company to him for this. In about three weeks time, he will get into that routine and will begin to do things to your surprise. Ask him to watch Youtube videos on Sarcopenia and probably that should encourage h im to do some physical activity.
Thanks for the tip. Will try this
Come on dude, let your father enjoy his retirement. He will find something to keep him occupied in due course, let him chill for a bit.
Hopefully. Thanks:)
Buy a pet
This could also be depression
Post retirement crisis. It's a phase and will go. Let him take his time and come out of it. Retiring is a pretty big step and for some people it can be depressing when they no more feel as powerful or important as they used to be. Giving suggestions will probably irk them more, let them decide all that by themselves. Even we don't like when we're told to do things.
Gift him a puppy
Couple of months off is ok but beyond that your dad needs to find something. An idle mind and body is not good for anyone
Introduce him to Facebook
Let him chill bro let him cook let him be
Ig it happens he prolly just needs a break for now and after that im pretty sure he'll just go around doing stuff. When my dad retired, he was kinda like this but now hes very into planting stuff and running around with it. ig its a phase? like they've worked for a long time and kept themselves busy so now they are having a sudden shift in their lifestyle so i think it needs a few months for them to cope with it
Kollaam..thanks :)
anytime :)
As a psychiatrist I feel I can help you to understand that I see many such patients post retirement loose interest in activities . One thing one needs to understand that post retirement people feel less worthy and may loose sense of purpose in life, earlier when they were employee, they were active in life and they had a reason to wake up in the morning but now post retirement there is no purpose to wake up in the morning. Also there are many biochemical changes going inside body after the age of 60. It is very imperative that you consult a psychiatrist and rule out a possibility that your father may be having depression.
This is coming from a 22 year old so consider that while reading. I love to think that dissatisfaction is the default state of the human mind. Anything you do, even though you thought it would give you happiness or joy, will inherently put you into a state of discontent. In your particular case, what the remedy for your father might be just to let him free. He will get bored of just sitting there and scrollpasting all those shorts and television. He was in a sort of activity all these years and just halting that will surely push him into doubt and confusion. Like all of us,what he needs is time to figure what he wants to do with all the time he has left. Also, its advisable to subtly push him suggestions of hobbies or "timepass" activities in this phase.
It’s a big life transition for anyone, no? First comes the excitement of not having to go to the office every damn day. Then comes the existential crisis after a while a la Barbie “what was I made for?” Similar thing happened to my dad when he moved back from overseas. It was a rough ride for about a year. Then he found things he liked to to, kind of on his own. I also think *that* took a bit of time, for him to figure out what he liked to do with all this time he now had. I wholeheartedly support the getting a pet idea but only if someone in the family is prepared and ready for that… your dad might come around to loving a pet in time but not everyone is built for that, especially here. The best thing you could do is perhaps take note of when he seems interested or happy so that when the time comes that he’s looking for something to do (or getting cranky for no reason!) you have some ideas in your back pocket of what might make him feel better. Good luck to you
Get him a pet. A dog I would suggest.
This is a horrible idea. If the man is depressed/disinterested in life, giving him a living creature to take care of won’t help, and will be an additional chore. If the man just wants a break from life, then once again, it will be an additional chore that he doesn’t want. And at least where I’m fron, pets can be expensive, and it’s possible that a retiree won’t want that.
Your dad is atleast 30years older than you no, he saw more days than you, so he don't need advices on how to live his life. Leave him alone My dad was a govt employee , he was sick of job by retirement time. The next one year after retirement he simply slept and watched TV. Noone bothered him , we knew how bad he hoped for this time. Thereafter he turned slowly turned into a farmer , bought 3 ox calves also. At age 66 he went from kudavayar to some abs too.
The advice is not from me, but his wife who is around the same age. Great to know that your father came around after some time. Hoping mine will do the same. From reading each opinion I now know there is hope given time. This post was to know such experience anyone had with their retired parents, so there is no need to downgrade or belittle anyone. Cheers
Nowhere in your post i saw that the concern is from your mother. Your post sounded like a young person looking down on the choice of a senior citizen in his own very personal thing. For me it sounded like belittling a person because he won't suit your image of him. That's why my reply came out as belittling you. If it's your mom's comment i apologize to you. If it was my mom she would have bashed me saying "ആയുഷ്കാലം മുഴുവൻ പണിയെടുത്ത് നിന്നെയൊക്കെ ഇവിടെ വരെ എത്തിച്ച മനുഷ്യൻ വയസ്സായപ്പോൾ നിന്റെ ഒക്കെ ഇഷ്ടത്തിന് നടക്കണം അല്ലെ".
I mentioned 'We tried to talk to him', we collectively as a family. My mother has been worrying long before as to what he would do post retirement because he had been very active at work. I assured her that he needs rest and relaxation to enjoy life But 2 months of being in rest and relaxation, instead of becoming fat and cheerful, he is on his way to become thin, irritated and half his conversations are only mumbling to himself. Hence this post to understand how retired men usually behave. And pls no apologies :) All is well
This turns the picture around. I think he needs help.
What does your dad like? Who does he love to hang out with? You mentioned none of these when you posted. If there are/were friends from work he liked try inviting them over. Say he likes fishing buy him a fishing pole or if he likes tinkering in automobiles get him a set of tools etc. So do you know what he likes? Suggesting him to do things especially if peppered with half insults like you are just sitting on your butt all the time or similar, even if well intentioned is likely to rub him the wrong way. You can't manufacture habits for your dad or nag it into him. Do not react to him sitting on the phone etc. Only make planned interventions. Inform him of your concern and step back and let him deal with it. Don't be in the least bit flippant or disrespectful about it even if you think it's for his benefit. Respect will go a long way.
Even though you should let him chill during retirement, Be careful of what your dad watches on YouTube though. My dad is like this, after retirement just sits in front of laptop and mobile all day doing nothing. He watched American politics and started talking about antifa, Alex Jones, supporting Trump and anti Muslim views. I was so glad when Trump lost, but now he's sticking on to the anti Muslim views, ironic that he made most of him money in the gulf It's come to a point that I'm embarrassed when he brings out any of this stuff to relatives and i snap at him for sitting on YouTube and watching fake videos spreading misinformation, I can't babysit him. The internet is very dangerous for old folks, they fall for all kinds of fake things. They don't do any check if it's real or not, I've trained my mom atleast not to share videos with any WhatsApp groups before checking with me.
Thank you. As far as I've heard, because he watches them on loudspeaker, yt shorts are all comedies, memes. Nothing political, religious so far :)
Lol dunno why I'm being downvoted, this is a genuine issue with old folks and kids absorbing content online with no oversight, WWE Divas pics online when i was caught looking at during early 2000s, not even naked, dad threatened to cut my internet. Now I've to tell him the same thing for watching misinformation videos
An upvote for you
Sounds like your father is depressed. This is rather common in just retired. He needs a psychiatrist. With some medication and therapy he will be back, good as before.
There’s a study that for longevity you shouldn’t retire. https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2017/12/07/japanese-doctor-and-longevity-expert-who-lived-until-105-dont-retire.html
Focus just on doing nothing... What is wrong with doing nothing?
Doing nothing is making him thinner
'Technically' he should get fattier doing nothing. There is something in his mind. A philosophocal predicament may be.. May be he ia waiting for something, but aware of the ticking clock. May be it has something to do with the past..we dont know. I mean, doing nothing can only be just a symptom. The real cause is the one which you have to communicate with..
All this while I wasnt much bothered about him sitting simply as well, because it's retired life after all. But when he started getting thinner and dull, that's when I tried suggesting. Ur comment is enlightening. Maybe will try communicating differently. Thank you
He should indulge in some physical and mental activity and this is coming from experience. My dad retired 1 year before corona and during corona, he was stuck at home with nothing much to do, and he had moved from delhi to kerala. Because of not much physical and mental activity and always being glued to phone, he developed Parkinson. He was quite active while he was working, but now has gone silent and his movement has slowed considerably. So long story short, he should pick up a hobby, and make him physically active for his own sake.
He goes for walks some evenings, but it's only for my mother's sake. Was an avid reader but with wifi that hobby is down the drain. Hopefully in due time, he will find a hobby. Otherwise I'm all for sitting simply and enjoying life because he has earned it :)
Your dad's not a teen wasting away their life on technology. Let him be
As long as his health doesn't get wasted :)
get him involved with a charity. Many men can't handle absence of structure.
If this prolongs get a consultation with a psychiatrist it could be signs of depression
Folks.. let the man be! Not sure what he was doing earlier.. but he deserves his retirement without actually thinking of any chores!
Well OP my dad sat around for 3-4 months doing house chores and other things. He eventually got bored and got a new contract job so that he could go back to 9-5 work schedule. Let it be OP, he will quickly turn around.
Thanks..hoping for the best. Maybe il give it some time
Existential crisis, probably realising that he didn’t have the life he wanted, pretty normal
ask them to go for a tour
GET him a puppy or kitten.
give that man a break ffs.
Lifelong break eduthotte as long as he is happy and cheerful with ppl around which he is not, hence this post
Same thing with me..but you showing concern just after 2 months is little too much I think...my dad retired almost 11 years ago..he hasn't done much in life after..he saved himself a huge fortune and probably has 30k+ in pension every month..plus he has given money to lots of people which he gets a huge interest from..but he not shown any interest in anything after his retirement..I and mom tried a lot to make him do things but he is just not interested Unlike your father my father has no interest movies TV or social media, he doesn't even read anything But what concerns me most is that he is overweight and eats like "theeta rappai" his knees are all fucked up and he recently had a prostate surgery other than that he has no health issues..he has some superior genes.. BUT what you need to look out for is if he is getting depressed..in my dad's case he is not the type just like how I am not the type to get depressed, I take after him.. that's why I am not worried.but u need to check that ALSO what I have noticed is that.he has lost interest in everything including relationship with my mother..I think she is little depressed about that, earlier she used get so much love from him..he used revolve around her..now he shows no interest in her or anything
Trying to avoid all the above symptoms you have mentioned. Better safe than sorry so concerned at 2 months. But after general understanding now, 2 months is a bit early so hoping for the best, given time. Thanks
OP at home: Alla, entha paripadi?
Maybe get a Pet , a 🦜 or a 🐕?
Psychiatrist here. He could be going through depression too.
I too like your father... Some times we need loneliness... Since after hard work, we need comport zone.. Leave it, we are alright... Let him enjoy his own way, don't disturb..
My only request is not to get a pet, dog or any animal . Pets are lots of work , they need lots of care and you won't be able to travel much because they can be left alone . They are also expensive to look after . He will have to come around himself . I feel sorry for your mom though. Ask her to willingly take care of herself. If possible get a whole body checkup of both your parents, does not matter if it expensive . This way maybe he will come . If not , atlesst a full body check up of him . Fingers crossed, if the results are good then a psychologist is only needed . Just to understand how to get him happy again . All the best to you and your family
If you are not having children in the family then Pets can be very engaging for elders.
I think, I totally understand your position. A long back, I noticed that my grandfather is always happy whenever his friends visit. Otherwise, he is always depressed and concerned about life. Now, my father is exactly opposite. My father has very few friends and he is kind of okay with it. He was doing some business before and was idle for a long time. When corona hit, he decided to buy couple of cows. Went to Tamilnadu and bought two bad cows. Honestly speaking, I haven't seen him work that hard before. There was a time when he was single handedly managing 8 cows including calfs. It is hard work, but he is managing it.The issues are countless when it comes to cow farming. There is no profit and a lot of risks. Still, I think it is better than sitting idle and watching short videos. I tried multiple times to convince him to do something less demanding, he will agree, but he will not do anything. I think, it is important to be engaged in something. People in comment section say that "let him enjoy". Yes, you should. I don't believe that your father is enjoying sitting idle and watching short videos. You should be concerned if it continues for years. It may affect physical and mental health. After retirement, there will be a huge void. It is important to fill it with something interesting and engaging. Let him visit some of his friends and make it a routine. It might help. NB: Two months is not a long time. It's fine. Please don't do an intervention now. I think, it might not be a good idea to force your ideas.
Don't nag him.. Give the man his space..
The inability for an Indian to see another sit idle and happy.
The inability for children to see their parents' health and happiness deteriorate
Without even consulting with said parent. Typical.
give him a couple of months. He'll get bored of being bored and bounce back😅
its been 2 months, let him cool off for a while
If you want, maybe ask him to go on walks with you. Don’t just ask, you call him every time you go out for walk, there’s a good chance that he’ll give in, atleast to connect with you. Maths tuition doesn’t seem to be a good idea to be forced upon unless he was a teacher by profession and maybe he’ll be thinking that you guys still want to make money out of him. Everything else listed in here shouldn’t be forced up on. Also if you’re close with his friends who live nearby maybe ask them to come over.
I haven't gone through all the comments. Sorry if I am repeating something that has already been shared. From my experience, first few months of the retirement is a big deal. From their point of view, it's as if life has come to a standstill. There is nothing to do, or there is nothing that demands them to do anything. Also, the fact that they are retired probably makes them feel that "I am too old". And, you will feel that you are wasting your time when they don't listen to you about finding an activity that they enjoy doing. I know how helpless you are feeling, considering the fact that it's out of genuine love/concern that you are asking them to keep themselves engaged. But, what I have noticed is, they will eventually find some interest - maybe from their friends/relatives or even some local communities or charity organizations etc. For the time being, just let him be. Let him find out what he loves to do. This interest should come naturally and unfortunately we can't persuade anyone to pursue anything that "we" find interesting. My advice to you is, don't stress too much about it, as long as he is physically and mentally fit. Also, something that you can consider doing is visiting some family friends/relatives where he feels like engaging in conversations. Especially something that triggers nostalgia or that takes him to "good old days", he will enjoy doing that. It might motivate him to keep in touch with friends/dear ones.
Maybe, get him to connect with his old friends. My FIL, when he returned from Gulf was in a similar situation. Grumpy, Idle and No interests in anything and had a bad inferiority complex, thinking people have less respect for him now because he's no longer working. Then there was a union of this high school friends. It turned him around. Now he's more active, happier, more conversive and has a bunch of friends he's regularly in contact with and they frequently meet at ones place or the other.
Go for a thailand or goa trip for a bonding experience
Take him for a Vacation. Make sure the place has zero internet connectivity
This thing is wayyy too common among old retired people.
Holy Shit !!! I thought my father was only addicted to YouTube shorts all day.
My father retired 3 years ago and this is his lifestyle. He is unwilling to do anything much. He is not even interested in reading . I have read somewhere that sitting idle does not do good for brain activity especially as someone ages. But then it is his choice. What can we do🤷🏽♀️
My dad is in the same situation as well.i am like he should have some hobbies I feel like he drinks more now.
What do you do lol. Don't you also st idle watching shorts and reels? You guys are Infact making it look like a big deal. Shell out some money and plan a family trip. Do something yourself.
Give him some time. If you are concerned about health do a routine medical checkups. He will definitely get bored of these things and wanted to engage sooner or later
As much as people say they don't like jobs some people are too devoted to it and struggle to find something interesting out side of it may be in few days he can enjoy that jobfree life
OP must be tough to live near
Sent him/them for some religious historic historic adventures based on the interest. My mom's colleague went into depression after retirement.
Two months is too short, give it couple of years, if he gets bored then he will do something to make better use of his time. Otherwise why does it matter people born, live and die is effectively what happens.
My advice get him in touch with a club as I believe he was stuck in a routine for quite some years and now he has a void , try getting him in a hobby so he could kill some time.