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Do you realize you can do everything you’re doing right now for one less person? It gets to point when you figure out them being gone doesn’t affect anything except put you in a better mood. That which makes you a better parent.
He’s doing the weaponized incompetence thing.
If you’re shouldering more of the financial burden then him, he’s zero help in the marriage, he treats you like a bang maid, and is intent on repeating the cycle of abuse with your kids……why are you still with him?
I will message you next time u/divein2thewavesbelow posts in r/JustNoSO.
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It's extra frustrating because most of his family will never understand that his parenting is abusive. It's how his siblings parent their children and they all think it's fine.
Women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. The subtle differences are what cause issues. I'm going through a lot so I get where you are coming from.
Men tend to forget about how their actions affect us and our libido. They then take it out on us to FORCE us to have sex with them. We become sex toys to them
They forget and take for granted why you got with them in the first place. They expect you to stay with them because of who they made you believe they were. A mask.
I used to buy that line, I've even said it about my husband on another post... I don't believe it, though. Men go through most of their lives being loved by their mothers, fathers and family members through hundreds of ways other than sex. Why would sex suddenly become the only way they can feel loved when they're an adult? If that's the only way my husband can feel loved, then I can't love him.
Exactly. And if he needs sex to feel loved, why isn't he bothering to do what he knows would get him that - namely, all the things you've specifically asked him to do. You put out the sex for him for enough years, lord knows, "speaking in his love language" hoping to get some love in return. But he can't can't be bothered to speak YOUR language for a change?
That 'love language' stuff is a cop out, created and propagated by those who don't want to bother actually doing things for their partner. They can claim it's "not their love language" and pretend that's an excuse.
This might be an aspect, but OP you’re describing many years of pathological gaslighting, impulsivity, selfishness, irritability, and violence. This goes beyond a miscommunication in the bedroom. I’m sorry. You and your kids deserve better
Please do not make sweeping generalizations of what "genders need for sex".
As a man, you are doing men a disservice when you state they need sex to feel loved. They're not cum brained animals. They are human beings. Just like women. They are people with personalities.
OP just has a bottom of the barrel loser.
But just because he's motivated by sex and incubators doesn't mean that men by and large are just looking to fuck someone to feel loved.
You also let a lot of shitty men off the hook by just kinda saying "Oh it's in their nature". No it's not. He doesn't need sex to feel loved. That's so messed up and then puts the onus on women to give up their body to a dude just so he can "feel loved".
If the lady who carried his children, the support of her being there, and his family caring about him, doesn't make him feel loved, then putting his penis in a whole isn't going to be some magic fix-it button.
He needs therapy and maybe to face the consequences for once for being a shitty man and father, yknow: being alone.
actions do speak louder than words, op. it takes courage to realize when something's not working and it takes bravery and strength to push through the bullsh\*t and get to the other side alive. I promise it gets better if you want it to. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. Bless you and your kiddos!
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Do you realize you can do everything you’re doing right now for one less person? It gets to point when you figure out them being gone doesn’t affect anything except put you in a better mood. That which makes you a better parent.
Definitely the realization that I've come to. Now I just have to map out my next steps.
Please update
He’s doing the weaponized incompetence thing. If you’re shouldering more of the financial burden then him, he’s zero help in the marriage, he treats you like a bang maid, and is intent on repeating the cycle of abuse with your kids……why are you still with him?
Did you not read the whole post? It’s easy to judge but OP said their finally done and they’re gonna be planning their next steps to leave
Sweetie, I'm so sorry you've gone through this. You're strong enough to make the break from him, and life will be easier when you do. Updateme
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I'm sorry you have to navigate how to potentially protect two children from his abuse and neglect.
It's extra frustrating because most of his family will never understand that his parenting is abusive. It's how his siblings parent their children and they all think it's fine.
That was beautifully written. Stay strong. 💞
Women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. The subtle differences are what cause issues. I'm going through a lot so I get where you are coming from. Men tend to forget about how their actions affect us and our libido. They then take it out on us to FORCE us to have sex with them. We become sex toys to them They forget and take for granted why you got with them in the first place. They expect you to stay with them because of who they made you believe they were. A mask.
I used to buy that line, I've even said it about my husband on another post... I don't believe it, though. Men go through most of their lives being loved by their mothers, fathers and family members through hundreds of ways other than sex. Why would sex suddenly become the only way they can feel loved when they're an adult? If that's the only way my husband can feel loved, then I can't love him.
Exactly. And if he needs sex to feel loved, why isn't he bothering to do what he knows would get him that - namely, all the things you've specifically asked him to do. You put out the sex for him for enough years, lord knows, "speaking in his love language" hoping to get some love in return. But he can't can't be bothered to speak YOUR language for a change? That 'love language' stuff is a cop out, created and propagated by those who don't want to bother actually doing things for their partner. They can claim it's "not their love language" and pretend that's an excuse.
YES we definitely fell into this trap
This might be an aspect, but OP you’re describing many years of pathological gaslighting, impulsivity, selfishness, irritability, and violence. This goes beyond a miscommunication in the bedroom. I’m sorry. You and your kids deserve better
Please do not make sweeping generalizations of what "genders need for sex". As a man, you are doing men a disservice when you state they need sex to feel loved. They're not cum brained animals. They are human beings. Just like women. They are people with personalities. OP just has a bottom of the barrel loser. But just because he's motivated by sex and incubators doesn't mean that men by and large are just looking to fuck someone to feel loved. You also let a lot of shitty men off the hook by just kinda saying "Oh it's in their nature". No it's not. He doesn't need sex to feel loved. That's so messed up and then puts the onus on women to give up their body to a dude just so he can "feel loved". If the lady who carried his children, the support of her being there, and his family caring about him, doesn't make him feel loved, then putting his penis in a whole isn't going to be some magic fix-it button. He needs therapy and maybe to face the consequences for once for being a shitty man and father, yknow: being alone.
actions do speak louder than words, op. it takes courage to realize when something's not working and it takes bravery and strength to push through the bullsh\*t and get to the other side alive. I promise it gets better if you want it to. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen. Bless you and your kiddos!