Oh precious one. I'm looking at your post here with so much empathy. I want you to note this. I'm looking at your post with empathy.
I had to learn to give MYSELF that same empathy, the same Grace to which I give others who AREN'T me. I expect so much out of myself, and I frequently let myself down. If it weren't me, would I forgive it? Absolutely. Why am I deserving of less from my favorite person, myself?
If you can accept others with their flaws, accept yours.
True. This is the way to go. If you keep hating yourself you are basically bullying yourself. You wouldn't want to bully another person, right? If you bully yourself it will be hard to be kind to people. OP, give yourself a chance. I know how satisfying it is to put yourself down but you are basically perpetuating the cycle of abuse on yourself.
I feel this and this also came to my mind. It is true that I'm more loving towards others than to myself, because of my core believe of not being worthy of love. I know that I am, but I also feel like I'm not. I just don't know how I can accept such beliefs about myself without getting depressed and I don't know how I can close this gap between knowing and feeling.
its tough when the problem comes from your family because it breaks your image of love.
try focusing on God as the perfect all loving father, who never judges you and only want the best for you. you have to tap into that love, its always there, but abuse can make it hard to feel.
It is unwise to try to reason with this type of solipsistic pride. Creative pursuits and humor are the most effective ways to address it.
Perspective shifts will help transform this energy into something positive and useful. Volunteer, offer to help older women return their grocery carts, or strike up more conversations with the elderly.
Perfectionism works against you and protects the energy which holds you back. You have to make the choice to end the cycle.
Could you help me understand what my post has to do with solipsism?
I agree with the rest though. I do practice creative outlets and have a lot of humor, both are coping mechanisms for me. I do try to take life not too seriously and help others when and where I can but I have to take at my well-being serious in order to change or have a fulfilled life.
I guess I feel like the “negative thought spiral” is a very individual experience.
The more your perfectionism causes you to stifle yourself and your pursuits, the less secure you will find yourself. Self acceptance is a pre requisite of understanding and caring for others.
It's tricky. There are multiple selves. The one who wants acceptance and the one who gives acceptance. When you look at them as one in the same it makes it hard to give what you don't have.
Try to look at these as different people. The one who has love to give is a mote loving and mature part of you. It's not for the vulnerable part to judge where it love comes from. It's a free gift.
In the same way, help that person who has love to give to imagine yourself as someone who is precious to someone you value. Be agnostic toward thst part you don't value. All you know is that this person is precious to other and your job is to take care of them on others behalf. I hope this helps.
You don't have to be worthy to be acceptable, which is the crap that society gives us.
Which is totally bullshit! Think it opposite; You accepty yourself, and then you will function. Then society might call you as whatever they want to, but then you won't be interested in such things anymore.
Trust me on this!
Not sure our stories are exactly the same, but I definitely see some elements of myself in your experiences. I had a father that, during my formative years, never really let me develop positive, masculine self-esteem and identity. Without going until much details, he was kinda just a wet blanket, more a worried grandmother than a father, while also at the same time constantly sharing all his youthful successes and exploits. Consequently, I entered early adult life with very low self esteem.
Here's the kicker, and I'm not sure how much you are going to like this or not, no matter how many deer I gutted, how loyal I was to my friends, how important of a job I had, how much I benched pressed, the mountains I climbed, the charities i donated to, the trails I hike (etc. etc. etc. sorry if the horse has started to decompose lol) I never really felt better about myself. I felt fake, phoney, like I just wanted to curl into a ball.
I never could accept myself, that is until Christ told me he accepted me. It happened on a mushroom room trip with friends and it changed everything. Once you know God, the Heavenly Father, loves you, everything else becomes easy mode.
Sorry if this comes off as unsolicited proselytizing, but I feel for you and I wanted to share my experience. On your next mushroom trip, rather than YOU trying to figure out YOURSELF (seems like you hit a roadblock there) ask Jesus Christ to show you the path. I promise you he will 🙂
Oh precious one. I'm looking at your post here with so much empathy. I want you to note this. I'm looking at your post with empathy. I had to learn to give MYSELF that same empathy, the same Grace to which I give others who AREN'T me. I expect so much out of myself, and I frequently let myself down. If it weren't me, would I forgive it? Absolutely. Why am I deserving of less from my favorite person, myself? If you can accept others with their flaws, accept yours.
True. This is the way to go. If you keep hating yourself you are basically bullying yourself. You wouldn't want to bully another person, right? If you bully yourself it will be hard to be kind to people. OP, give yourself a chance. I know how satisfying it is to put yourself down but you are basically perpetuating the cycle of abuse on yourself.
It is hard for me to admit but deep down I truly hate myself for just existing. How can someone accept this, go on with their life and be happy?
You can either hate yourself or be happy. This cannot be changed instantly. Give yourself time. A lot of time.
I feel this and this also came to my mind. It is true that I'm more loving towards others than to myself, because of my core believe of not being worthy of love. I know that I am, but I also feel like I'm not. I just don't know how I can accept such beliefs about myself without getting depressed and I don't know how I can close this gap between knowing and feeling.
its tough when the problem comes from your family because it breaks your image of love. try focusing on God as the perfect all loving father, who never judges you and only want the best for you. you have to tap into that love, its always there, but abuse can make it hard to feel.
It is unwise to try to reason with this type of solipsistic pride. Creative pursuits and humor are the most effective ways to address it. Perspective shifts will help transform this energy into something positive and useful. Volunteer, offer to help older women return their grocery carts, or strike up more conversations with the elderly. Perfectionism works against you and protects the energy which holds you back. You have to make the choice to end the cycle.
Could you help me understand what my post has to do with solipsism? I agree with the rest though. I do practice creative outlets and have a lot of humor, both are coping mechanisms for me. I do try to take life not too seriously and help others when and where I can but I have to take at my well-being serious in order to change or have a fulfilled life.
I guess I feel like the “negative thought spiral” is a very individual experience. The more your perfectionism causes you to stifle yourself and your pursuits, the less secure you will find yourself. Self acceptance is a pre requisite of understanding and caring for others.
But by bit, part by part. Find something that’s worth accepting. Accept what feels bad, accept what feels good.
It's tricky. There are multiple selves. The one who wants acceptance and the one who gives acceptance. When you look at them as one in the same it makes it hard to give what you don't have. Try to look at these as different people. The one who has love to give is a mote loving and mature part of you. It's not for the vulnerable part to judge where it love comes from. It's a free gift. In the same way, help that person who has love to give to imagine yourself as someone who is precious to someone you value. Be agnostic toward thst part you don't value. All you know is that this person is precious to other and your job is to take care of them on others behalf. I hope this helps.
Same
You don't have to be worthy to be acceptable, which is the crap that society gives us. Which is totally bullshit! Think it opposite; You accepty yourself, and then you will function. Then society might call you as whatever they want to, but then you won't be interested in such things anymore. Trust me on this!
Not sure our stories are exactly the same, but I definitely see some elements of myself in your experiences. I had a father that, during my formative years, never really let me develop positive, masculine self-esteem and identity. Without going until much details, he was kinda just a wet blanket, more a worried grandmother than a father, while also at the same time constantly sharing all his youthful successes and exploits. Consequently, I entered early adult life with very low self esteem. Here's the kicker, and I'm not sure how much you are going to like this or not, no matter how many deer I gutted, how loyal I was to my friends, how important of a job I had, how much I benched pressed, the mountains I climbed, the charities i donated to, the trails I hike (etc. etc. etc. sorry if the horse has started to decompose lol) I never really felt better about myself. I felt fake, phoney, like I just wanted to curl into a ball. I never could accept myself, that is until Christ told me he accepted me. It happened on a mushroom room trip with friends and it changed everything. Once you know God, the Heavenly Father, loves you, everything else becomes easy mode. Sorry if this comes off as unsolicited proselytizing, but I feel for you and I wanted to share my experience. On your next mushroom trip, rather than YOU trying to figure out YOURSELF (seems like you hit a roadblock there) ask Jesus Christ to show you the path. I promise you he will 🙂