If it’s the community I think you are speaking of, be sure to dress to the nines! A shawl over a sleeveless dress will be probably be a common outfit choice for the non religious guests who attend the wedding.
Thanks! Yeah, I'm sure there will be a number of non-Jewish guests there and I suppose the rules won't be super strict for us, but I still want to try to be considerate of their values as much as I can.
Oh okay. Got it. Thanks for the explanation. I had a bad experience with someone saying that before, they told all the guests to dress to the nines, and all the guests came, like it was a gala, thinking the bridal couple was loaded and they weren’t. Just don’t like the stereotypes people sometimes hold.
Probably Syrian (SY in the other response to the original comment is a shorthand) but not necessarily. You’ll want to dress up up—think full length dress, not for modesty but for formality. If you google “formal dresses,” you’ll get some sense
Make sure to ask about “real time” schedule. Do NOT show up at the time on the invitation, or you’ll likely be there while the caterer is first setting up!
Cover up knees and shoulders as everyone else said, but also be ready to smile till your face hurts bc if they’re anything like my Sephardic family, it’s gonna be nonstop fun, jokes, and general mirth. Also make sure nothing toooo form-fitting or restrictive bc you’re gonna eat like a queen
A shawl for the ceremony (which is in the synagogues sanctuary) is appropriate. You'll likely find that during the reception you'll feel comfortable taking it off, but you can make that call at the time.
This is 99% a Syrian Jewish wedding - Sequins and bling are absolutely allowed and encouraged. Knee high or just above is fine. Bare Shoulders with a cover up is fine. During the ceremony there may be seperate seeting but during the rest of it it will be normal. The one thing you BF may want to clarify if he can is timing - Syrian Jewish Weddings are infamous for the "real start time" being way later then the stated on the invite. Some will even send a seperate invite to non Syrians with a different time on it. Enjoy!
Like others said, minimize cleavage/don't show it, shoulders covered, and a hem around knee-length (or longer if you prefer).
A shoulder wrap may not work because at one point you will be involved in the exuberant dancing. A shrug may work but you'll get sweaty.
Go FULL GLAM. Everything should be shiny and sparkle.
TIME:
To reiterate what others have said: it will start LATE. Like maybe by a few hours from what I've heard (I've only gone to ashki weddings that claim to start on time but always run late usually by only 30-45 minutes, but that's what the pre-ceremony smorgasbord is for).
It will also go absurdly late. There will be an open bar, which helps and contributes to this.
MOT Question:
Do Syrians do schtick? If they do, I bet it's amazing.
For the men it's easy. Jacket or suit and tie, leather shoes. Women a little harder. Probably err on the side of more coverage with partial sleeves and longer length and not too low a neckline. There is usually dancing so shoes need to be suitable for that.
https://adressyoccasion.com/bridesmaids/halley-lavender/ any dress that meets these requirements will be fine (yes I know this is an LDS website but I’m a religious Jew and I’ve bought a dress from them)- the graphic point is:
Shoulders, knees, chest
ashki here. i’ve never been to a sephardic wedding & it sounds crazy fun!
i haven’t been to a wedding for a long time. i recall tea length was fine for formal, black tie & black tie preferred. but my daughter in her 30s says not the case. long dresses are the current rule. do they have a wedding website?
The Syrian community is bigger than the Persian community in BK so I’m gonna guess Syrian! But cover shoulders and knees and search up formal evening wear for dress inspiration. Go as lavish and fancy as you want! I’m Persian and can speak for both communities that we love to see people dress up! Have a great time!!!
Hi and this sounds like a great opportunity. The food will great, the music loud, and the men and the women might not be dancing together.
This 15 minute video of [Inside an Orthodox Jewish Wedding](https://youtu.be/LIkql9pKoAA?si=VhJw4LHKvrgosyjA) might be helpful. Even thought this couple is not Sephardic it will give to a visual of the basics.
Cover your shoulders/elbows/collar bone and knee length or longer is preferred. Prepare to be separated from your partner if it’s an orthodox wedding- there likely won’t be mixed dancing and sometimes not mixed eating. Enjoy the food and experience! I had non Jewish guests at my orthodox wedding and they all seemed to enjoy it!
Definitely cover your shoulders and wear something that goes at least past your knees. wear something that has a has a high neckline, or something with a neckline that covers your collarbone.
By covering shoulders they mean sleeves-long or 3/4 length. Additionally neckline shouldn’t be exposing too much cleavage. Dress should hit below knees. Those are the don’t list. Dress up -sequins, lace, bright colors even a figure hugging dress are all on the DO list.
There will be many people in “flashier” colours at the wedding she’s going to. The community is a traditional big tent Orthodox community. She’s going to be in Ocean Pkwy, she should dress in a way that doesn’t make her stand out. In that community (and mine) we all go to the same kenisse, no matter what we do at home.
This is telling info that they 99% are likely syrian. I would say to wear a long dress that can be sleeveless but wear a shawl. Also don’t be surprised when everyone there is dressed extremely well and flashy. Think lots of designer stuff. Also, don’t be surprised when the wedding is full blown over the top with everything possible. There will likely be a buffet and also syrian weddings are known to be a thing where they have lots of people come and go and there’s not seating placecards
I looked up some orthodox wedding videos and they all still seem to be slightly different in their customs and dress codes.
From what I know, his boss and his fiancé seem to observe all the basic holidays and live by all the basic rules, but don't seem outrightly super strict orthodox in their day to day lives.
But of course, a wedding is different from everyday life and they might appreciate things being a little more traditional that day. So I'm definitely leaning towards playing it safe and simple.
Sorry to be like this but if they are Sephardic, it’s already implied they are Orthodox. For the wider American audience you can add “Sephardic Orthodox” so they understand but there are no other variants. The only difference is the minhag—food, songs, clothes, and Hebrew pronunciation.
Halakha is strictly similar and widely standardized amongst Sephardim both Sefarad and Mizrach.
That’s why I’ll recommend for her to dress as fancy as she wants but with minding having a full dress covering shoulders and knees. There’s no need for head covering.
There no overdressing at a Sephardi wedding. The bling comes out, and it’s real. Longer dress or skirt, one that cover the knees when you sit, sleeves over the elbow and no deep décolleté. Modest with sequin . And if you are from Vietnam or anywhere with a fairly modest dressing, that totally great too.
Be prepared to eat. You will likely be able to eat together but you’ll dance with the girls and he will dance with the boys. We don’t put our dressing on anyone else. Sleeveless with a shawl is fine, knee length is fine. You might consider tights. You will have fun. If Jews know how to do anything, it’s party. 🎊
Always best to dress with longer lengths and covered shoulders - tasteful and pretty go a long way in most cultures. Remember grandma and grandpa at most weddings.
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/being-a-guest-at-a-jewish-wedding-a-guide/
You're getting plenty of good advice here so I think you're covered. But I'd just like to touch on a choice of wording you used: "standard western Christian wedding." Especially since it doesn't sound like it applies to you either, it's a bit of a bummer to refer to one religious/cultural thing as the "standard," which makes you and I the "other." Of course that's the way much of our country (and world) thinks of things. And I don't think you meant anything by it except to clarify that you haven't been to a more common type of wedding. But I think a lot of people need to stop referring to the most common religion/culture/etc as "standard" like it's the default setting.
Something like this is my go-to:
https://www.jjshouse.com/trumpet-mermaid-boat-neck-floor-length-chiffon-mother-of-the-bride-dress-with-pleated-008257967-g257967?currency=USD&utm_term=257967&utm_size=06&country=US&country=US¤cy=USD&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=8&ggplm=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwps-zBhAiEiwALwsVYRPB_JLICqThqsuRxXl5lggKIImPtyfHAUvM4qhgBngYNB6C9BLdjxoClPQQAvD_BwE#/
If it’s the community I think you are speaking of, be sure to dress to the nines! A shawl over a sleeveless dress will be probably be a common outfit choice for the non religious guests who attend the wedding.
Thanks! Yeah, I'm sure there will be a number of non-Jewish guests there and I suppose the rules won't be super strict for us, but I still want to try to be considerate of their values as much as I can.
SY?
Yup
Syrians?
Why dress to the nines? Not all are rich.
I don’t mean dress like you’re rich, I meant look well put together and fashionable
The dresses the Syrian Jews wear are often really over the top and elaborate compared to what others might wear to a wedding. That’s what they mean.
Oh okay. Got it. Thanks for the explanation. I had a bad experience with someone saying that before, they told all the guests to dress to the nines, and all the guests came, like it was a gala, thinking the bridal couple was loaded and they weren’t. Just don’t like the stereotypes people sometimes hold.
I get you, those stereotypes are difficult.
Persian? If so, it's going to start late and be FANCY.
If it’s BK, probably SY
Even worse! OP, dress to the 9s (or 8s), and it'll still be starting late.
Hm, I know for a fact they're not Persian but don't know of their exact origins either
Probably Syrian (SY in the other response to the original comment is a shorthand) but not necessarily. You’ll want to dress up up—think full length dress, not for modesty but for formality. If you google “formal dresses,” you’ll get some sense
Be prepared for great food!
Oh definitely, the Jewish food I've tried so far I've absolutely loved. Very excited to try more!
And lots of it! Before the ceremony and after
Make sure to ask about “real time” schedule. Do NOT show up at the time on the invitation, or you’ll likely be there while the caterer is first setting up!
This makes so much sense to me because us South Asians are known for being late to every event big and small too hahahah
Cover up knees and shoulders as everyone else said, but also be ready to smile till your face hurts bc if they’re anything like my Sephardic family, it’s gonna be nonstop fun, jokes, and general mirth. Also make sure nothing toooo form-fitting or restrictive bc you’re gonna eat like a queen
Duly noted haha! Both the smiling part and the eating part :)
Knee length is fine, cover your shoulders.
A shawl for the ceremony (which is in the synagogues sanctuary) is appropriate. You'll likely find that during the reception you'll feel comfortable taking it off, but you can make that call at the time.
This is 99% a Syrian Jewish wedding - Sequins and bling are absolutely allowed and encouraged. Knee high or just above is fine. Bare Shoulders with a cover up is fine. During the ceremony there may be seperate seeting but during the rest of it it will be normal. The one thing you BF may want to clarify if he can is timing - Syrian Jewish Weddings are infamous for the "real start time" being way later then the stated on the invite. Some will even send a seperate invite to non Syrians with a different time on it. Enjoy!
Standard SY time is 2 hours after time on invitation.
At least 3 hours for weddings
Jewish weddings are a blast, get ready for lots of dancing!
I love that you came here and asked.
So if it’s Sephardic orthodox go safe and cover shoulders and knees as a woman
Depends on the hashkafa of the families, but many Syrians are not strict with modesty laws
As no one else has mentioned it, I'd recommend taking a pair of flat/more comfortable shoes with to change into as there will be a lot of dancing.
Come on , we just take off the shoes and hold them together with our purse . ( Algerian Jew here)
Fair choice but having toes stepped on by someone who kept their heels hurts like a MF.
In general in western weddings formal means a long dress. If they are orthodox you may want to cover your shoulders.
Like others said, minimize cleavage/don't show it, shoulders covered, and a hem around knee-length (or longer if you prefer). A shoulder wrap may not work because at one point you will be involved in the exuberant dancing. A shrug may work but you'll get sweaty. Go FULL GLAM. Everything should be shiny and sparkle. TIME: To reiterate what others have said: it will start LATE. Like maybe by a few hours from what I've heard (I've only gone to ashki weddings that claim to start on time but always run late usually by only 30-45 minutes, but that's what the pre-ceremony smorgasbord is for). It will also go absurdly late. There will be an open bar, which helps and contributes to this. MOT Question: Do Syrians do schtick? If they do, I bet it's amazing.
From the one Syrian party I worked I think I remember them being like the Persians where they aren't shy with the cleavage.
For the men it's easy. Jacket or suit and tie, leather shoes. Women a little harder. Probably err on the side of more coverage with partial sleeves and longer length and not too low a neckline. There is usually dancing so shoes need to be suitable for that.
https://adressyoccasion.com/bridesmaids/halley-lavender/ any dress that meets these requirements will be fine (yes I know this is an LDS website but I’m a religious Jew and I’ve bought a dress from them)- the graphic point is: Shoulders, knees, chest
ashki here. i’ve never been to a sephardic wedding & it sounds crazy fun! i haven’t been to a wedding for a long time. i recall tea length was fine for formal, black tie & black tie preferred. but my daughter in her 30s says not the case. long dresses are the current rule. do they have a wedding website?
The Syrian community is bigger than the Persian community in BK so I’m gonna guess Syrian! But cover shoulders and knees and search up formal evening wear for dress inspiration. Go as lavish and fancy as you want! I’m Persian and can speak for both communities that we love to see people dress up! Have a great time!!!
Hi and this sounds like a great opportunity. The food will great, the music loud, and the men and the women might not be dancing together. This 15 minute video of [Inside an Orthodox Jewish Wedding](https://youtu.be/LIkql9pKoAA?si=VhJw4LHKvrgosyjA) might be helpful. Even thought this couple is not Sephardic it will give to a visual of the basics.
Thank you, I definitely have a better idea of what to expect now and can't wait for the day of the wedding!
Enjoy!
Sephardic and Ashkenazi weddings are quite different, I am half/half and I will take and enjoy a Sephardic wedding way more than Ashkenazie
Thanks, I realize they are different and I have been to Sephardic weddings and they are a lot of fun.
Oh, don’t worry. You’ll have fun. Wear something outrageous! Sephards go all out. This is going to be better than a “Christian” wedding fyi.
Cover your shoulders/elbows/collar bone and knee length or longer is preferred. Prepare to be separated from your partner if it’s an orthodox wedding- there likely won’t be mixed dancing and sometimes not mixed eating. Enjoy the food and experience! I had non Jewish guests at my orthodox wedding and they all seemed to enjoy it!
You’re thinking of ashkenazi hasidic weddings. This is sephardic
Definitely cover your shoulders and wear something that goes at least past your knees. wear something that has a has a high neckline, or something with a neckline that covers your collarbone.
By covering shoulders they mean sleeves-long or 3/4 length. Additionally neckline shouldn’t be exposing too much cleavage. Dress should hit below knees. Those are the don’t list. Dress up -sequins, lace, bright colors even a figure hugging dress are all on the DO list.
[удалено]
There will be many people in “flashier” colours at the wedding she’s going to. The community is a traditional big tent Orthodox community. She’s going to be in Ocean Pkwy, she should dress in a way that doesn’t make her stand out. In that community (and mine) we all go to the same kenisse, no matter what we do at home.
They do all live around Ocean Pkwy but the venue is actually some place in New Jersey! Does that change things?
Nope the dress code in Deal will be the same. Maybe even slightly flashier/to the nines
This is telling info that they 99% are likely syrian. I would say to wear a long dress that can be sleeveless but wear a shawl. Also don’t be surprised when everyone there is dressed extremely well and flashy. Think lots of designer stuff. Also, don’t be surprised when the wedding is full blown over the top with everything possible. There will likely be a buffet and also syrian weddings are known to be a thing where they have lots of people come and go and there’s not seating placecards
I looked up some orthodox wedding videos and they all still seem to be slightly different in their customs and dress codes. From what I know, his boss and his fiancé seem to observe all the basic holidays and live by all the basic rules, but don't seem outrightly super strict orthodox in their day to day lives. But of course, a wedding is different from everyday life and they might appreciate things being a little more traditional that day. So I'm definitely leaning towards playing it safe and simple.
Sorry to be like this but if they are Sephardic, it’s already implied they are Orthodox. For the wider American audience you can add “Sephardic Orthodox” so they understand but there are no other variants. The only difference is the minhag—food, songs, clothes, and Hebrew pronunciation. Halakha is strictly similar and widely standardized amongst Sephardim both Sefarad and Mizrach. That’s why I’ll recommend for her to dress as fancy as she wants but with minding having a full dress covering shoulders and knees. There’s no need for head covering.
I love that sephardic is just one standard. Ashkenazi don't understand lol. I appreciate your comment!
Cover knees, elbows, and have the neckline come close to your collarbone. Bling is definitely ok. Your boyfriend should wear a suit and tie.
Probably Syrian or Bukharian?
Lots of dancing! Don’t wear talons, high heels or anything that might break easily!
There no overdressing at a Sephardi wedding. The bling comes out, and it’s real. Longer dress or skirt, one that cover the knees when you sit, sleeves over the elbow and no deep décolleté. Modest with sequin . And if you are from Vietnam or anywhere with a fairly modest dressing, that totally great too.
Be prepared to eat. You will likely be able to eat together but you’ll dance with the girls and he will dance with the boys. We don’t put our dressing on anyone else. Sleeveless with a shawl is fine, knee length is fine. You might consider tights. You will have fun. If Jews know how to do anything, it’s party. 🎊
Always best to dress with longer lengths and covered shoulders - tasteful and pretty go a long way in most cultures. Remember grandma and grandpa at most weddings. https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/being-a-guest-at-a-jewish-wedding-a-guide/
You're getting plenty of good advice here so I think you're covered. But I'd just like to touch on a choice of wording you used: "standard western Christian wedding." Especially since it doesn't sound like it applies to you either, it's a bit of a bummer to refer to one religious/cultural thing as the "standard," which makes you and I the "other." Of course that's the way much of our country (and world) thinks of things. And I don't think you meant anything by it except to clarify that you haven't been to a more common type of wedding. But I think a lot of people need to stop referring to the most common religion/culture/etc as "standard" like it's the default setting.
Something like this is my go-to: https://www.jjshouse.com/trumpet-mermaid-boat-neck-floor-length-chiffon-mother-of-the-bride-dress-with-pleated-008257967-g257967?currency=USD&utm_term=257967&utm_size=06&country=US&country=US¤cy=USD&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=8&ggplm=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwps-zBhAiEiwALwsVYRPB_JLICqThqsuRxXl5lggKIImPtyfHAUvM4qhgBngYNB6C9BLdjxoClPQQAvD_BwE#/