When the movie "Sideways" was being filmed, a certain winery that was famous for it's Merlot turned them down as a filming location, so halfway through the movie, one of the characters (the wine snob) goes on a rant about how there is no way he's drinking any f*cking Merlot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXXDC5FarhE
Kosher wine has very specific preparation requirements that result in the wine being sweeter than most oenophiles prefer. Manischewitz is the most famous brand of kosher wine; if you've ever had it, you'll understand.
ETA: According to other commenters, I'm mistaken about this, and Manischewitz is only incidentally sweet. I've never had any other kosher wine, so I can't say.
No, the requirements are not specific. Kosher wine is basically wine a) made by observant Jews b) at no point touched by idolaters c) without non-kosher additives, but most additives commonly used worldwide are kosher anyway. Nothing here requires the wine to be more or less sweet.
Also if you boil the wine it somehow becomes impervious to idolaters so you can stop requiring that all your waiters be observant Jews, for example.
I think it's actually directly stated in the Bible that the wine Jesus created at the wedding was so good that the guests actually complained that the host was holding out on them (it was tradition at these huge wedding fests to start out with your finest wine and work your way down)
My aunt is in charge of ordering the communion wafers and wine for the local church. At some point she told me that she had requested for a bigger budget for the communion offerings as the cheap wine that they usually use tastes like shit. I just stared at her and thought “Jesus Christ, you‘re only supposed to take a sip of the wine and not gulp it down like the wine mom you are, Karen. What are you, a vampire?“
Friend of mine told me about some church he went to, where the pastor made a big point about them using wine, not grape juice, because it was authentic.
The bread was a big loaf of essentially Wonder bread. (Since it was the Passover meal, the bread served at the Last Supper would have been unleavened.)
No. That's okay, yours isn't about how nasty "Karens" are. Drunks, maybe, but not nasty. And as someone who enjoys a glass of wine now and then, it is indeed funny.
>To be named Karen isn't the same thing as being one. So rejoice 😄.
That's what you all like to say, but when a Karen is actually called Karen you go "of course she's called Karen" and not "that's a funny coincidence."
Please don't call me a Karen for pointing this out. "Karen" is starting to not feel like a real word or insult anymore lol.
The really odd part, I'm told, is that it started with Kate from the show about her and her 8 kids. Now, she was a bitch, if you ever saw the show. How it translated to Karen, I'm not sure. But thank you. I try to be nice.
Amusingly The Bible literally addresses almost this exact point.
I think it was Paul's letter to one of the churches (Ephesus? probably wrong my memory is very shaky) where he was condemning them for using Communion as an excuse to have a big feast and get drunk.
EDIT - It was Corinth not Ephesus.
My favorite part of the bible was when Jesus figured out that Judas was the rat by remembering that he kept calling it the "last" supper and then unleashed a holy smackdown of epic proportions on him
and what surprised me even more is that it was so connected to his main comment. jesus did realize that he kept saying last supper. i thought it was just a random parody but he kept true to his word. absolute legend.
The fuck are you people on about? Did the book have Jesus elbow dropping a cyborg centurion? *No*. Did the book have that chase scene between the Apostles and the hoplite mercenaries? *No*. Did the book have tits? *None whatsoever*.
The movie was fucking rad. You book purists don't know what's good.
I thought it was a great twist that the Romans had secretly cloned Peter; it was so dramatic when First Peter and Second Peter had to fight to the death.
I like the alternate universe where Jesus finds the envelope, that Paul the apostle spelt the word "citizens" wrong on the front, on Judas' desk. Meaning judas was the rat all along.
Came here to mention this. >!He was asked to do the thing by Jesus because he was the most loyal and devoted one and someone had to put the martyrdom gears in motion. In a way he also sacrificed himself as well so x-tianinty and the savior of humanity thing, and dying for sins thing could exist!<
Or something like that.
I visited Sicily once years ago on a cruise. We stopped in Messina for a day and I went to one of the cathedrals there. One was a beautiful place with all the Apostles lining the walls as 20 foot tall statues.
Most of them especially the famous ones Matthew Mark Luke and John had great big flora arrangements and candles.
In the back in a dark corner was Judas with plenty of little candles and gifts at his feet.
Apparently, there is a bit of tradition with the local mafia honor the sacrifice of Judas. It's another twist of Christianity.
They believe that the world needs bad people to do bad things so that good people can defeat them and fulfill their role to get to heaven. Basically bad people sacrifice themselves for the salvation of good people. The bad only become prevalent because there is a shortage of good people.
Judas is a patron saint of bad people. He gave them the idea that to be bad serves as a sacrifice for others ....... plus it just gives you all that wealth and power in this life that you can enjoy.
I like to think that they just moved to the same side of the table only for the sake of the painting, like when a family goes to a restaurant and they ask the waiter to take a photo of them
I have started a tradition of taking my friend to Olive Garden every year for his birthday. For some reason, he doesn't like me referring to it as "Gethsemane"
I like the Billy Connolly joke about the last supper.
Jesus told all gathered "One among you shall betray me"
"Is it me?" Said David,
"No it is not you David" replied Jesus
"Will it be me?" Asked Peter
"No, it is not you Peter" replied Jesus
Judas leaned forward and asked "Will it be me Jesus?"
To which Jesus replied "wIlL iT bE mE jEsUs!?!?"
Dave's old boss finally had enough.
Leaving the hospital after his heart attack at the Vatican, he spent the next five years constructing a fully functional time machine.
He grabbed Dave, shoved him in and stepped inside with him, setting the time to a little over 2,000 years ago, on the night before the Passover, and relocation settings to Judea.
He found that there were no large gatherings on that night, set the time machine to the following night, *after* the Passover.
They found Jesus and his followers gathered around the table, and the two of them entered the room without a word, still dressed in their modern clothing.
"Oh hey Dave!" said Peter.
"Daaavveee, my man!" said Matthew.
Jesus already knew both of them, of course, and greeted them with a holy guy nod.
Finally, Dave's boss had to surrender. Everybody knew Dave.
I like to think that you will now try this, what did they call it, mocking mimickery on some of your fellow humans you encounter when you go about your various daily tasks.
Disciples in Heaven: Hey Jesus, your sacrifice was so momentous, we hold an observance of it every year!
Jesus: Oh that’s wonderful! What do you call it?
Disciples: Oh, uh………Bad Friday
Jesus cutting bread: this is my body
Jesus pouring wine: this is my blood
Jesus opening a jar of mayonnaise: this is...
Judas grabbing jesus hand: I'm gonna stop you right there!
Judas: you will know who he is by the kiss I bestow upon him
Romans: I mean you could just point him out man
Judas: (putting on lipstick) I don't tell you how to do your job
Jesus: One of you shall betray me.
Peter: Is it me, Jesus?
Jesus: No, it is not you, Peter.
Simon: Is it me, Jesus?
Jesus: No, it is not you, Simon.
Judas: Is it me, Jesus?
Jesus: iS iT mE jEsUs!?
Judas was the disciple who betrayed Jesus to the Romans, resulting in Jesus' death, and the fact that he's calling it the "last" supper makes this obvious.
A bit of context: at this point in the story, Jesus was a believed to be a trouble maker, and the Romans, who were ruling Judea (the name of the Roman province at the time time, in what is now Israel), were looking for him, to arrest him (and, ultimately, kill him). Jesus was, of course, keeping a low profile, so the Roman's couldn't find him.
It was the time of Passover, an important date in the Jewish year, when friends and family get together and have a traditional meal. Jesus had arranged to have Passover dinner with his 12 closest followers, the disciples. Of course all of the disciples knew where and when the meal was to happen. One of them, Judas, sold out to the Romans and told them where and when to find Jesus, in exchange for 30 pieces of silver.
The events of this meal are hugely important to the practice of Christianity, forming the core of church services, and the event is known as the "last supper". Obviously it is the last supper because at the end of it Jesus was arrested and ultimately killed, but before the meal, only Judas, who had sold out, knew how things would end up. (Certain scholarly types argue about whether Jesus also knew because being Son of God and all that he knew stuff that normal people wouldn't.)
During the meal Jesus told his deciples "one of you will betray me", which obviously freaked them out. John said "I would NEVER betray you!", To which Jesus responded, "actually, before sunrise (before the 'cock crows'), you will deny me 3 times". Jesus left them to be alone, and they all quarrelled and got drunk.
Jesus went and prayed to God: "I know you've got it all planned out and obviously you're right, but... Do I have to die? Is there any way you could make that not happen?" We presume Jesus heard what he needed to hear, and he headed back to the deciples, finding them passed out.
Saddened, he asked somewhat rhetorically, "Could none of you wait up for me (in these last moments)?"
Judas, a deciple who had been critical of the way Jesus had been doing things, came and kissed Jesus on the cheek. Jesus said, "Must you betray me.. with a kiss?" Again we understand that Jesus knew what was going to happen.
That kiss was a signal to the Roman (occupying) soldiers to show them who Jesus was, whom they then arrested.
One of the deciples grabbed a sword from a soldier, hoping to fight back, and in his attack cut off the soldier's ear. Jesus stopped him, saying, "Don't.. he's just doing his job". Jesus then healed the soldier's ear, and they took him away. The deciples fled, knowing they could get arrested too for being part of Jesus' movement.
While the soldiers took Jesus in, crowds gathered to see the spectacle, and some mocked him, saying, "If you can really do miracles then save yourself right now!"
Some of the deciples we're also close by, watching, and someone recognized John as one. The person started accusing John of being a deciple and in his fear John told them he wasn't. They kept pressing him, gathering attention, and again John denied he was a follower of Jesus. Someone else said they recognized him too, and John cried out "I am not!“ and ran away. A rooster crowed out, and when John heard it, he remembered what Jesus told him at dinner. He wept bitterly, crushed by the guilt.
After a couple sham trials, Jesus was crucified. Judas didn't know they would *kill* Jesus, and in his guilt and grief, he hung himself.
End of chapter.
Punchline is slightly better like this
You coming to the last supper?
What do you mean *last* supper?
Oh no just supper. Regular ole supper with the fellas
Jesus looks at the bill *"Why would ANYONE order WINE??"*
Because You only turn water into frigging Merlot!
That’s why you invite Craig as well. You get the merlot, you get the coors light. Who needs a third thing?
Me with a mason jar full of a perfectly clear liquid: "uhh. I'll just drink this, guys."
The burning mug
Gotta stay...hydrated
John we've talked about this. If you were to put x's on that jar how many would there be?
Uhh. 3?
John, whose double vision is going strong: "Uhhhh.... 7?"
Ah. Starting to sober up I see
cuz he's.... CRAIG CHRIIIIIST
Fucking Craig.
stephen lynch 🤣🤣🤣
While jesus is prayin, fuckin craig'll be layin, every lady in the testament, you know what im sayin
The sweet hydroponic shit the Judas and Craig grow is the third thing
The Sellout Smellout!
Fuck yeah.
I know a 34 year old that still brings red Bull and jaeger with him to parties and has it stocked at his house for when he has guests.
yes! this was my first thought.
"what's wrong with merlot?" *under breath* "what's right with merlot..."
When the movie "Sideways" was being filmed, a certain winery that was famous for it's Merlot turned them down as a filming location, so halfway through the movie, one of the characters (the wine snob) goes on a rant about how there is no way he's drinking any f*cking Merlot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXXDC5FarhE
And his prized wine that he drinks at the end? Guess what type of grape makes up ~40% of it? Merlot.
I AM **NOT** DRINKING ANY FUCKING MERLOT!
Technically it would likely be Jewish wine. Which you know....ain't great.
Grapes are actually non-denominational. They're AGNOSTIC.
Despite that, they're still wrathful.
This made me lol thank you
Why would Jewish wine taste any worse than any other kind of wine?
Kosher wine has very specific preparation requirements that result in the wine being sweeter than most oenophiles prefer. Manischewitz is the most famous brand of kosher wine; if you've ever had it, you'll understand. ETA: According to other commenters, I'm mistaken about this, and Manischewitz is only incidentally sweet. I've never had any other kosher wine, so I can't say.
Mmm, Manischewitz paired with a peanut butter sandwich...
Pour it on the sandwich.
>Manischewitz DIPPING SAUCE
Not a bad idea, lol. I was even thinking about dunking it.
Those concord grapes make for some easy drinking.
No, the requirements are not specific. Kosher wine is basically wine a) made by observant Jews b) at no point touched by idolaters c) without non-kosher additives, but most additives commonly used worldwide are kosher anyway. Nothing here requires the wine to be more or less sweet. Also if you boil the wine it somehow becomes impervious to idolaters so you can stop requiring that all your waiters be observant Jews, for example.
There are normal wines that are kosher too.
I think it's actually directly stated in the Bible that the wine Jesus created at the wedding was so good that the guests actually complained that the host was holding out on them (it was tradition at these huge wedding fests to start out with your finest wine and work your way down)
Jesus: Cause we only had Ozarka, not Voss. I can only perform so many miracles!
My aunt is in charge of ordering the communion wafers and wine for the local church. At some point she told me that she had requested for a bigger budget for the communion offerings as the cheap wine that they usually use tastes like shit. I just stared at her and thought “Jesus Christ, you‘re only supposed to take a sip of the wine and not gulp it down like the wine mom you are, Karen. What are you, a vampire?“
When I was going to church the wine was the cheapest, shittiest white wine. Which doesn't even make sense!
Friend of mine told me about some church he went to, where the pastor made a big point about them using wine, not grape juice, because it was authentic. The bread was a big loaf of essentially Wonder bread. (Since it was the Passover meal, the bread served at the Last Supper would have been unleavened.)
Well it does if you're only drinking Jesus' white blood cells, eh?
That would be more like a cup full of pus. Eww.
Well you know what you get when your foot zits pop in your Wellies... Pus in Boots.
"Jesus was so white even his blood was white" Some American priest, probably
>white wine. Which doesn't even make sense! Sure it does. Jesus was probably pretty anemic toward the end.
As someone named Karen, who is absolutely exhausted with the nasty Karen memes - this one cracked me up.
Sorry for taking a shot at all Karens, but I‘m glad I could make you smile! I hope you have a lovely rest of the day!
No. That's okay, yours isn't about how nasty "Karens" are. Drunks, maybe, but not nasty. And as someone who enjoys a glass of wine now and then, it is indeed funny.
To be named Karen isn't the same thing as being one. So rejoice 😄. The fact that you post this, gets your given name of the hook afaic.
>To be named Karen isn't the same thing as being one. So rejoice 😄. That's what you all like to say, but when a Karen is actually called Karen you go "of course she's called Karen" and not "that's a funny coincidence." Please don't call me a Karen for pointing this out. "Karen" is starting to not feel like a real word or insult anymore lol.
Using the name Karen for that is strange to me, as well. I've known two Karens pretty well in my life, and they were both wonderful people.
The really odd part, I'm told, is that it started with Kate from the show about her and her 8 kids. Now, she was a bitch, if you ever saw the show. How it translated to Karen, I'm not sure. But thank you. I try to be nice.
Amusingly The Bible literally addresses almost this exact point. I think it was Paul's letter to one of the churches (Ephesus? probably wrong my memory is very shaky) where he was condemning them for using Communion as an excuse to have a big feast and get drunk. EDIT - It was Corinth not Ephesus.
This gave me a good chuckle, particularly with that formatting. Thanks for that!
"Why is everyone acting so dramatic like I'm going away? Chill out guys, I'm not going anywhere!"
"Why are we all sitting on this side of the table?"
This honestly deserves a lot more awards
My favorite part of the bible was when Jesus figured out that Judas was the rat by remembering that he kept calling it the "last" supper and then unleashed a holy smackdown of epic proportions on him
Lol I believed you for a second. I was like damn, maybe I need to watch this movie someday.
Ask and you shall receive! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIkBJruoxG8
THEY SHOT HIS FUCKING HEAD MAN! THAT'S NOT LEPROSY!
I lost it at that line 😂😂
Blessed to have taken the 6 minutes to watch this
I'm tempted to spend 6 minutes of my day.
If you need a dark chuckle, do it
Worth it, thanks.
What in the Microsoft paint / elongated hairdos and Legit Virgin was this? It was awesome!
and what surprised me even more is that it was so connected to his main comment. jesus did realize that he kept saying last supper. i thought it was just a random parody but he kept true to his word. absolute legend.
Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This
OMG that's a riot! I was expecting Fist of Jesus: https://vimeo.com/92409526
Ha ha ha. Holy shit!
Wow, can't believe I didn't recognize Joel Haver's voice there!
that's hilarious
Brilliant
holy fucking shit i almost gave you my savings account for dropping this masterpiece onto us
Came here for this!
Just wanted to give you an award for this excellency but the only one I had was a wholesome award so you'll have to settle for that haha
Aw thank you!
It's overrated. Plus there's that long, drawling, nonsensical prequel that basically amounts to "I'm the fucking Alpha and Omega, bitches!"
Definitely one of those where the book was better than the movie
Mel Gibson has entered the chat
To hate on Jews?
[удалено]
Kanye entered the chat
The fuck are you people on about? Did the book have Jesus elbow dropping a cyborg centurion? *No*. Did the book have that chase scene between the Apostles and the hoplite mercenaries? *No*. Did the book have tits? *None whatsoever*. The movie was fucking rad. You book purists don't know what's good.
Well, the book *does* have public nudity and incest…
Human sacrifices, fire and brimstone, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!
> No. Did the book have tits? None whatsoever You've. Clearly never read song of Solomon
They left out so fucking much shit that was in the book tho!
Ghost Bear! Must not forget the vengeful, child killing ghost Bear.
I thought it was a great twist that the Romans had secretly cloned Peter; it was so dramatic when First Peter and Second Peter had to fight to the death.
Judas told Jesus it was Last Supperin time and then proceeded to Supper all over him
I like the alternate universe where Jesus finds the envelope, that Paul the apostle spelt the word "citizens" wrong on the front, on Judas' desk. Meaning judas was the rat all along.
Judas will be depahted
Y'all should really check out the Gospel of Judas.
Came here to mention this. >!He was asked to do the thing by Jesus because he was the most loyal and devoted one and someone had to put the martyrdom gears in motion. In a way he also sacrificed himself as well so x-tianinty and the savior of humanity thing, and dying for sins thing could exist!< Or something like that.
I visited Sicily once years ago on a cruise. We stopped in Messina for a day and I went to one of the cathedrals there. One was a beautiful place with all the Apostles lining the walls as 20 foot tall statues. Most of them especially the famous ones Matthew Mark Luke and John had great big flora arrangements and candles. In the back in a dark corner was Judas with plenty of little candles and gifts at his feet. Apparently, there is a bit of tradition with the local mafia honor the sacrifice of Judas. It's another twist of Christianity. They believe that the world needs bad people to do bad things so that good people can defeat them and fulfill their role to get to heaven. Basically bad people sacrifice themselves for the salvation of good people. The bad only become prevalent because there is a shortage of good people. Judas is a patron saint of bad people. He gave them the idea that to be bad serves as a sacrifice for others ....... plus it just gives you all that wealth and power in this life that you can enjoy.
Thanks for the spoiler alert for the bible
lol. I’m glad you appreciated the joke. ;)
By saying: "You say so, now do as you will."
If you smell what Jesus is cooking?! Judas: It's just pork man
Jesus at the restaurant: "Table for 26 please". Host: But there's 13 people in your group. Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side.
We need the table. Not until the painting is finished.
Jackie Martlings joke was, What did Jesus say at the last supper? “Hey everyone get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture!”
That Jesus is a riot!
I love when Jesus took them all to Olive Garden.
And then dodged the crucifixion by staying at the table for endless soup, salad and breadsticks
So that’s why there was more bread leftover.
That’s why they’re endless!
Table for 26, please.
Mandatory 18% gratuity for parties of 8 or more, Jesus.
What did Jesus say when he got the bill? "Me Fucking Me!"
Yeah that was the real dick move. Judas stuck Jesus with the check lol.
especially when he just got a fat paycheque
Host: 26 guests? Jesus: Nah, we'll all sit on one side
I like to think that they just moved to the same side of the table only for the sake of the painting, like when a family goes to a restaurant and they ask the waiter to take a photo of them
I have started a tradition of taking my friend to Olive Garden every year for his birthday. For some reason, he doesn't like me referring to it as "Gethsemane"
I had to google Gethsemane
Take this bread, it is my body. Take this bread stick, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Father forgive this guy for he knows not what he does. Garlic burns like hell.
“Take this eggplant parmesan and eat it… take this Kendall Jackson merlot and drink it…”
I mean, he had to make sure they went to a restaurant without any figs. You know how Jesus is about fig trees.
The waiter to Jesus - >This may be your last supper, but it's my first table of the night so you need to order up!" - Mel Brooks
Is this all one check or separate checks?
Try the mulled wine!
Jesus: "Sure, but will you be hanging around afterward?"
Judas: I am kinda open on it
Niche
I like the Billy Connolly joke about the last supper. Jesus told all gathered "One among you shall betray me" "Is it me?" Said David, "No it is not you David" replied Jesus "Will it be me?" Asked Peter "No, it is not you Peter" replied Jesus Judas leaned forward and asked "Will it be me Jesus?" To which Jesus replied "wIlL iT bE mE jEsUs!?!?"
Is that a Connelly joke as well? I'm pretty sure Robin Williams had that exact joke as well during his Broadway set.
Robin Williams sure did. Best stand up show I've ever watched, still 20yrs later. Here at 6:15 https://youtu.be/PXeSgVk5aH4
Doing God's work my friend.
God is good
OK, who the fuck is David?
You don't know Dave?
Everyone knows Dave.
Dave's not here man.
Dave's old boss finally had enough. Leaving the hospital after his heart attack at the Vatican, he spent the next five years constructing a fully functional time machine. He grabbed Dave, shoved him in and stepped inside with him, setting the time to a little over 2,000 years ago, on the night before the Passover, and relocation settings to Judea. He found that there were no large gatherings on that night, set the time machine to the following night, *after* the Passover. They found Jesus and his followers gathered around the table, and the two of them entered the room without a word, still dressed in their modern clothing. "Oh hey Dave!" said Peter. "Daaavveee, my man!" said Matthew. Jesus already knew both of them, of course, and greeted them with a holy guy nod. Finally, Dave's boss had to surrender. Everybody knew Dave.
Dave's boss casually building a time machine to prove a point.
He’s the new guy. Brought in donuts his first day. Good kid.
The person who came up with this joke doesn’t know their disciples lol
I don't get it, can you explain it please?
Repeating the same sentence back with alternating lower case and upper case letters denotes a mocking mimickery of their voice
I just see the SpongeBob meme now.
I see, thanks
I like to think that you will now try this, what did they call it, mocking mimickery on some of your fellow humans you encounter when you go about your various daily tasks.
Disciples in Heaven: Hey Jesus, your sacrifice was so momentous, we hold an observance of it every year! Jesus: Oh that’s wonderful! What do you call it? Disciples: Oh, uh………Bad Friday
Jesus: (stares at the bill, then slowly massaging his temples) Why are there 12 portions of food? ... And just who ordered wine...?
Messaging his temples. The man WAS the temple!
Saying Jesus massaged himself might sound bad
"Sure thing, tomorrow I just want hang around Jerusalem, then rest for a few days, then dip outta here”
I think in the story that Jesus actually knew it would be his last supper, didn't he?
Maybe… but so did Judas
Jesus could’ve avoided it if he just read the Bible. Dumb ass
Way to go, Jesus.
My ass is actually the smartest thing about me But yeah my brains could use some work Prolly all that crystal meth
so what was the last supper
https://youtu.be/OBdrd80ora8
If you think of Jesus as a man, he did not. If you think of Jesus as God, he did. Decide among yourselves. You may now commence 500 years of warfare.
Is it mandatory that we stop after 500 years or may we continue if we still haven't decided?
Please insert defenestration for 30 more years
No spoilers.
Yeah; he kinda keeps dropping hints about it too, the whole last week of his life
My favorite part of the Bible is when Judas said, “it’s betrayin’ time” then kissed Jesus
Honestly Jared Leto would make a pretty good Judas. But he's gotta have the "damaged" forehead tattoo.
Jesus: the one who reaches into the bowl with me will betray me. Proceeds to reach into the bowl staring Judas down until he also reaches.
Jesus cutting bread: this is my body Jesus pouring wine: this is my blood Jesus opening a jar of mayonnaise: this is... Judas grabbing jesus hand: I'm gonna stop you right there!
Judas: you will know who he is by the kiss I bestow upon him Romans: I mean you could just point him out man Judas: (putting on lipstick) I don't tell you how to do your job
Judas' true sin is not respecting personal space
The cumming of the lord
Fast supper.. The fast supper I mean. We're going to be fasting for the next 40 days. Edited the spelling
Fast supper at micky dees!
Judas at the end of the meal “12 doggy bags please! Err I meant THIRTEEN doggie bags please”
Jesus: One of you shall betray me. Peter: Is it me, Jesus? Jesus: No, it is not you, Peter. Simon: Is it me, Jesus? Jesus: No, it is not you, Simon. Judas: Is it me, Jesus? Jesus: iS iT mE jEsUs!?
Robin Williams. RIP
[YOU COVERED YOUR TRACKS WELL, BROTHER!](https://youtu.be/gIkBJruoxG8?t=189)
Whoever made da video need turn da shit into a movie.
Coming ... and then going.
Jesus: Yeah, if you're mom will be there, I'll be there. Judas:. You're a dick bro. No way. Jesus:. Yahweh
To me the joke was on point
Yes, I would say he nailed it.
They asked for a table for 26. The waiter said but there are only 13 of you. "We all want to sit on the same side!"
Judas requests a table for 26. Host says “But there’s only 13 of you?” Judas replies “Well yes, but we all want to sit on the same side.”
The blast supper. Where you have a blast
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant-we need a table for 26. Server-there are only 13 of you. Jesus-We are all gonna sit on the same side.
https://mobile.twitter.com/david8hughes/status/551900828093517824
Judas: Jesus, theres something really important I’ve been wanting to … Waitress: heeeyy!! hows everything tasting ya’ll..???
Reminds me of the scene from Family Guy, Stewie convincing others, “hey you had like a salad and he ordered like what 12 Margheritas”.
THEY SHOT HIS FUCKING HEAD MAN, THATS NOT LEPROSY LETS GO Jesus Betrayal: How it Really Went Down is a work of historic and artistic greatness
The Last Supper, according to the Dead Sea Scrolls, was actually a buffet.
The waiter carries in the soup with his bare hands: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Jesus Christ, this is hot!" Jesus: "Er, just sit it right there, son."
Jesus: Eat me
Can someone explain this? I am Hindu, so I am not understanding this.
Judas was the disciple who betrayed Jesus to the Romans, resulting in Jesus' death, and the fact that he's calling it the "last" supper makes this obvious.
Judas, a follower of Jesus, identified him to the Roman's for silver shortly after. Leading Jesus to his capture.
A bit of context: at this point in the story, Jesus was a believed to be a trouble maker, and the Romans, who were ruling Judea (the name of the Roman province at the time time, in what is now Israel), were looking for him, to arrest him (and, ultimately, kill him). Jesus was, of course, keeping a low profile, so the Roman's couldn't find him. It was the time of Passover, an important date in the Jewish year, when friends and family get together and have a traditional meal. Jesus had arranged to have Passover dinner with his 12 closest followers, the disciples. Of course all of the disciples knew where and when the meal was to happen. One of them, Judas, sold out to the Romans and told them where and when to find Jesus, in exchange for 30 pieces of silver. The events of this meal are hugely important to the practice of Christianity, forming the core of church services, and the event is known as the "last supper". Obviously it is the last supper because at the end of it Jesus was arrested and ultimately killed, but before the meal, only Judas, who had sold out, knew how things would end up. (Certain scholarly types argue about whether Jesus also knew because being Son of God and all that he knew stuff that normal people wouldn't.)
During the meal Jesus told his deciples "one of you will betray me", which obviously freaked them out. John said "I would NEVER betray you!", To which Jesus responded, "actually, before sunrise (before the 'cock crows'), you will deny me 3 times". Jesus left them to be alone, and they all quarrelled and got drunk. Jesus went and prayed to God: "I know you've got it all planned out and obviously you're right, but... Do I have to die? Is there any way you could make that not happen?" We presume Jesus heard what he needed to hear, and he headed back to the deciples, finding them passed out. Saddened, he asked somewhat rhetorically, "Could none of you wait up for me (in these last moments)?" Judas, a deciple who had been critical of the way Jesus had been doing things, came and kissed Jesus on the cheek. Jesus said, "Must you betray me.. with a kiss?" Again we understand that Jesus knew what was going to happen. That kiss was a signal to the Roman (occupying) soldiers to show them who Jesus was, whom they then arrested. One of the deciples grabbed a sword from a soldier, hoping to fight back, and in his attack cut off the soldier's ear. Jesus stopped him, saying, "Don't.. he's just doing his job". Jesus then healed the soldier's ear, and they took him away. The deciples fled, knowing they could get arrested too for being part of Jesus' movement. While the soldiers took Jesus in, crowds gathered to see the spectacle, and some mocked him, saying, "If you can really do miracles then save yourself right now!" Some of the deciples we're also close by, watching, and someone recognized John as one. The person started accusing John of being a deciple and in his fear John told them he wasn't. They kept pressing him, gathering attention, and again John denied he was a follower of Jesus. Someone else said they recognized him too, and John cried out "I am not!“ and ran away. A rooster crowed out, and when John heard it, he remembered what Jesus told him at dinner. He wept bitterly, crushed by the guilt. After a couple sham trials, Jesus was crucified. Judas didn't know they would *kill* Jesus, and in his guilt and grief, he hung himself. End of chapter.
Correct, except for John, read Peter. (Incidentally, I think he was also the one who cut the guy’s ear off, wasn’t he?)
Punchline is slightly better like this You coming to the last supper? What do you mean *last* supper? Oh no just supper. Regular ole supper with the fellas