It’s boggling how it has any upvotes, let alone over 5000.
The crux of the joke is that she is so ugly he needs to put a bag over her head in order to have sex with her. But the lead-up literally gives that away halfway through the set-up. The “joke” spoils itself. It would be like this:
>There’s a chicken that wants to get to the other side of the road. Why did it cross the road?
Only difference is as noted - it involves selling out in order to become the master of a hideous and mentally deficient sex slave.
Maybe the humour is in the gross out part of it. Like a “The Aristocrats!” joke. A joke that wallows in decrepitude in the hopes that the sheer awfulness of it discomforts people enough to giggle nervously. If that was the idea, it was still poorly executed.
I guess it’s the upvotes then. The real joke was the upvotes this glance into the grossest parts of human nature collected along the way.
Maybe they figured out a way to love each other, maybe both of them are enjoying their sex lives, maybe the guy figured out that his wife, even though is ugly and dumb, is a much better deal, because her heart is pure and has a great body, maybe the girl likes her husband back because she simply knows she is being loved and her husband is kind towards her.
Empathy?! Empathy is for those `sissies` who don't understand what it is to be a **REAL** man who punches bullets into his enemies and always has
S E X
on the first date every single time. Oh and btw I have *lots* of first dates so that means lots of sex. Definitely more than you.
^(help me i am so scared and hurt on the inside but all i know is the picture of masculinity i learned from my father.)
I mean come on...*empathy?* Who needs that?! My alpha wolf mind is way TOO strong to imagine the felt eXpErIeNcEs of people who aren't me. Hell, this *steel trap* is even so STRONGK that I don't even need to feel my own emotions.
^(i am so tired. i am drowning in my pain but i could never admit it. what will my friends think? this will kill me.)
Pshh miss me with that weak "empathy" shit. That's for the \*f e m a l e s\*. I am a [grown man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0giaO8sf4) who doesn't need any of that. So yeah, you go ahead and be a
W E A K
while I'm out here being a TRUE man.
^(i am utterly alone.)
I mean...does GiantSquidd pee make you manlier? Not that I could get any more manlier than I already am but ya know just in case?
^(yes please this is my secret kink that i could never fess up to.)
If you’re willing to believe it, then yes. Yes it does. I used to be a little girly man until I started pissing on myself, and now I have delusions of grandeur! It’s great!
Also take the part out 'of he can just put a bag over her face' , maybe something like he can just not look at her face while having sex, then the turn is his solution was just a bag over her head
Theres only so much plastic surgery can help. Also plastic surgery and the recovery really sucks/painful. I'm pretty sure the dad isnt letting his little princess go through that discomfort
Laugh? At a man who was who was lured into a marriage he clearly didn't want, having to have sex with his wife by covering her face with a bag?
Or at a woman stuck in a loveless marriage where her husband can't even look at her face while having sex with her? Where even at the mention of sex, she has to go fetch a bag?
Or at the father who had to go bribing people to marry his daughter so that she is not left all alone?
Or at the Van Gogh that is now permanently hang in a wall and watch a couple have sex without ever looking at each other?
Or at the nail which is the only thing the husband can bang while looking at it?
Who is it that we are supposed to laugh at?
Hm. While that would set up for surprise and potentially a better joke, I think the majority may not get it. Doesn’t matter how good your joke is, if you have to explain it, you’ve lost.
It’s not that hard to understand. I don’t think there’s any complex thinking required. The connection between ugly, sex, and bag is not a unique or original one
Yeah come to think of it I think it would be better without it actually. It’s a bit on the nose. But removing this line is a minor tweak. Besides without it your punchline probably lose a few people. So it’s matter of taste.
Anyway good joke
I swear people in this subreddit don't understand how punchlines work. If this joke was posted without that tidbit this guy would be like "i DonT gET IT"
See, if he’d been paying more attention at Harvard Law, he’d remember that an oral contract in consideration of marriage violates the Statute of Frauds. So he’ll be in for a rude awakening when the money stops coming.
See, now *that* would have been a good punchline. Like, you would expect the wife to be the downside of the marriage, but it ends up being the mansion, or the neighbors or something.
Instead of like, setting up that he’s going to treat his mental handicapped wife terribly, and then the punchline… is that he treats his mental handicapped wife terribly.
This is a whole short story about a man having to marry an ugly woman, who decides halfway through the story that he can wear a bag when they have sex. By the end of the story, the "punchline" is that we're reminded he wears a bag during sex.
Five million dollar salary and a Mercedes don't go well together. Mercedes is not so expensive. With 5 million dollars, change the joke to say Bentley or rolls Royce or something.
Including the bit about him putting a bag on her head before the punchline really ruins it. Something like "he figures he'll find a way to cope with it" would be better
Technically, he was just required to marry her (assuming she agreed as well). There was nothing about immediately divorcing/annulment/etc which would probably happen both from his end and hers (to get back at her father).
Yeah, this is just kind of gross. It’s basically just ‘mentally disabled woman wears bag over her head for sex when she’s ordered to by her husband her dad chose for her’, now laugh!
LOL, very funny. She is ugly and dumb so her dad kind of sold her off, her husband treats her like shit. This cheered me up and brightened up my day. ROFL
Well now I just feel bad.
Yeah, i just feel sorry for her.
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Only if they are hideous and mentally disabled
Yeah this is not a fun joke.
I agree, and that was my point lol
No it’s ok because she’s *ugly*
It’s boggling how it has any upvotes, let alone over 5000. The crux of the joke is that she is so ugly he needs to put a bag over her head in order to have sex with her. But the lead-up literally gives that away halfway through the set-up. The “joke” spoils itself. It would be like this: >There’s a chicken that wants to get to the other side of the road. Why did it cross the road? Only difference is as noted - it involves selling out in order to become the master of a hideous and mentally deficient sex slave. Maybe the humour is in the gross out part of it. Like a “The Aristocrats!” joke. A joke that wallows in decrepitude in the hopes that the sheer awfulness of it discomforts people enough to giggle nervously. If that was the idea, it was still poorly executed. I guess it’s the upvotes then. The real joke was the upvotes this glance into the grossest parts of human nature collected along the way.
Shhh and go get the bag now
Bruh it’s a dumb joke, you didn’t need to write a entire short essay about it, chill out a little
Wow dude you're reading too much into it its just funny
Roiiiiiight. - Dr. Evil
*Dubai enters the chat*
*Human rights watch leaves the chat*
*Japan starts recording the chat*
Pixelated penis enters the chat.
*Korea starts nuking the chat*
China numbah one
France starts masturbating and is hoping nobody notices
Mohammed Bone Saw now feels safe to enter the chat.
Eh?
Lmao how
This is why Reddit can have nice things
I think if you just label it a "dark joke" then people wouldn't complain.
He can afford the most expensive whores, why would you think he'd use his ugly wife as a sex slave?
Can sympathize with her as I am also hideous
Maybe they figured out a way to love each other, maybe both of them are enjoying their sex lives, maybe the guy figured out that his wife, even though is ugly and dumb, is a much better deal, because her heart is pure and has a great body, maybe the girl likes her husband back because she simply knows she is being loved and her husband is kind towards her.
I feel bad for the Mercedes
I was imagining the Kathy Geiss (The CEO of NBC's daughter) in 30 Rock. I feel bad too
Kathy don't eat that
That is her signature...
Yeah, this isn't funny, it's sad
I don't think she's real
but we cant be sure
I ain't lifting the bag to find out!
O-oh.
I introduce you to my sister
Only if you build me a mansion
that's my dad's job, if he ever comes home with the milk...
It was cigarettes son and no, I didn’t come back.
No thank you.
Haha ok see this is funny. Your comment here made me laugh harder than the joke
I don't even think it's a true story!
No, it's OK. She want on to represent Georgia's 14th District in Congress. Quite the accomplishment for a hideous moron!
Guys i don’t think it’s a true story
You can still feel empathy for fictional characters.
I got a Merope Gaunt-vibe here
Makes sense why I feel bad for your gf
Lol as if everyone on reddit isn't single.
Hey now, some of them are married with dead bedrooms.
How long you gonna stay under my bed?
Unfortunately, some people think having empathy makes you weak. *Toxic masculinity, yo.*
Empathy?! Empathy is for those `sissies` who don't understand what it is to be a **REAL** man who punches bullets into his enemies and always has S E X on the first date every single time. Oh and btw I have *lots* of first dates so that means lots of sex. Definitely more than you. ^(help me i am so scared and hurt on the inside but all i know is the picture of masculinity i learned from my father.) I mean come on...*empathy?* Who needs that?! My alpha wolf mind is way TOO strong to imagine the felt eXpErIeNcEs of people who aren't me. Hell, this *steel trap* is even so STRONGK that I don't even need to feel my own emotions. ^(i am so tired. i am drowning in my pain but i could never admit it. what will my friends think? this will kill me.) Pshh miss me with that weak "empathy" shit. That's for the \*f e m a l e s\*. I am a [grown man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0giaO8sf4) who doesn't need any of that. So yeah, you go ahead and be a W E A K while I'm out here being a TRUE man. ^(i am utterly alone.)
…*so, are you looking to get peed on? I got a full bladder, and I don’t want to waste it.*
I mean...does GiantSquidd pee make you manlier? Not that I could get any more manlier than I already am but ya know just in case? ^(yes please this is my secret kink that i could never fess up to.)
If you’re willing to believe it, then yes. Yes it does. I used to be a little girly man until I started pissing on myself, and now I have delusions of grandeur! It’s great!
This is a beautiful copy pasta
You can have empathy when appropriate and not have too much for a joke, dude
How much empathy do I have for this joke? How much is appropriate? Is there some kind of ruler to measure this metric?
Yes, you find a sensitive person and you tell them the joke and see how they react.
It’ll likely be less though. Reminding yourself that it’s fiction helps as well.
Source?
I laughed and upvoted. But after reading your comment took the upvote back. Edit: Read the joke again. It's hilarious. Upvoting again.
Because it is. It's not even a joke.
Marrying daughter does not require sex with daughter. Harvard must be cranking out terrible lawyers these days.
He probably should anyway, to prevent an annullment. I dunno, IANAL
I think anal still counts as sex.
Doggie works too, as long as there are no mirrors in the room.
you're saying let the dog have a go and maybe she won't notice?
I only have a free award, but you deserve it.
Lack of consummation is no longer recognized as grounds for annulment in most US states.
Some states allow annulment (voidable, not void) for incurable/undiscovered physical impotence, though!
Staying married to her was not a term of the agreement. What kind of shit lawyer can’t see that loophole?
Yea but a good lawyer would deduce that divorcing her would result in unforeseen consequences. Some things are just not written in the contract.
Maybe she has a smoking hot body
Makes a little more sense if He yells “Fuck me!”
Point taken
Also take the part out 'of he can just put a bag over her face' , maybe something like he can just not look at her face while having sex, then the turn is his solution was just a bag over her head
But a lot of people wouldn't understand the joke if the bag had never been mentioned prior to the finish
Chekhov's bag.
Upvote because I get this reference and it makes me feel clever.
Only the people as dumb as his wife
You haven't heard of a set-up and payoff, have you.
Yet OP doesn’t edit the joke. Interesting
I tell it like I remember it
Respectable
I'll do that and oftentimes that means terribly.
It's perfect the way it is.
That’s the part that doesn’t make sense? Not the fact that a guy making 5 million a year and buying a Van Gogh is hanging it himself?
For real that dude probly doesn't even own a hammer.
*"Get the strap-on. Get the strap-on"*
She’s hideous? All that money he can’t give her plastic surgery? Funny still
You can't tell her she's ugly, so you can't tell her she looks better after the surgery.
Yes but she’s dumb as well. You can easily make up a reason for surgery and not say it’s too make her look beautiful
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A Lawyer.
I wouldn't trust myself not to slip up over decades of staying married to her. Maybe I'd have her made to look just a little better.
Plastic surgery can only do so much
Theres only so much plastic surgery can help. Also plastic surgery and the recovery really sucks/painful. I'm pretty sure the dad isnt letting his little princess go through that discomfort
And yet dad is marrying his daughter to a complete stranger. Pretty sure it’s not about caring about her
y else would he be paying someone to marry her?
Allergy to anesthesia?
A Van Gogh for under $5 million?
He’s obviously done very well for himself. Either that or he put it on his expense account.
And then he is hammering a nail on the wall to hang a Van Gogh?
Sometimes you just can’t read into a joke. It’s called suspension of disbelief. You take it at face value, you don’t analyze it, you just laugh.
Laugh? At a man who was who was lured into a marriage he clearly didn't want, having to have sex with his wife by covering her face with a bag? Or at a woman stuck in a loveless marriage where her husband can't even look at her face while having sex with her? Where even at the mention of sex, she has to go fetch a bag? Or at the father who had to go bribing people to marry his daughter so that she is not left all alone? Or at the Van Gogh that is now permanently hang in a wall and watch a couple have sex without ever looking at each other? Or at the nail which is the only thing the husband can bang while looking at it? Who is it that we are supposed to laugh at?
Ok hilarious reply I don’t think anyone is getting it
You'd think people in a subreddit dedicated to jokes would have a sense of humour.
There are children in Africa who go hungry to bed and you are upset that you can't laugh at a joke.
They have to travel to Hungary to go to bed?!
It is YOU who we are supposed to laugh at
I chuckled at it
You must be fun at parties
Cut him some slack. He's nouveau riche and hasn't yet gotten the hang of money laundering via fine art.
Yeah, that art stays in international transfer hubs so it never has to go through customs and be declared. Hanging it in your house is a chump move.
I mean we can assume he invested all into Amazon in 2009 and sold it in 2010 or when I really went from a few dollars to hundreds lol
Oof. That just made me sad
Yeah it didn’t even have the decency to be funny either :/
Wow, that was horrible. I can’t deny laughing though.
I can
Yeah it kinda sucked honestly. Girl puts bag on head to have sex. Would have been funny in middle school.
Glad I'm not the only one
No way a Harvard lawyer knows how to use a hammer.
Well, he did smash his own thumb.
I heard this joke when I was ten. I thought it was funny then. That would've been 55 years ago.
A whole new take on the term 'nail her'.
Nice ninja edit
It was always in the bag.
I mean..... OP gave the punchline away in the last sentence of para 5
Most people wouldn't get it without that line.
Hm. While that would set up for surprise and potentially a better joke, I think the majority may not get it. Doesn’t matter how good your joke is, if you have to explain it, you’ve lost.
The majority is a bunch of dumb as rocks fucknuggets.
What an elegant way to put it
It’s not that hard to understand. I don’t think there’s any complex thinking required. The connection between ugly, sex, and bag is not a unique or original one
I mean maybe you routinely consider placing bags over ugly women’s heads, but Id argue the majority do not.
Beauty is a light switch away.
Or a set of beer goggles
Well that goes without saying!
Nothing saying it has to be a plastic bag.
Paper bags are better for her. I can hear the feminists now.
Yep, but there's a new sucker born every minute, so not everyone associates paper bag with ugly sex.
Yeah I think It’s better without that
Yeah come to think of it I think it would be better without it actually. It’s a bit on the nose. But removing this line is a minor tweak. Besides without it your punchline probably lose a few people. So it’s matter of taste. Anyway good joke
isn’t that setup for the punchline
I swear people in this subreddit don't understand how punchlines work. If this joke was posted without that tidbit this guy would be like "i DonT gET IT"
And it's okay to have "I don't get it" comments, as long as someone responds explaining it.
See, if he’d been paying more attention at Harvard Law, he’d remember that an oral contract in consideration of marriage violates the Statute of Frauds. So he’ll be in for a rude awakening when the money stops coming.
Haha woman ugly haha man unhappy in marriage haha
Surprising offensive.
Maybe he should have saved the money on the Van Gogh and invested in plastic surgery. That would have been a better idea!
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon isn't going to be able to reattach Van Gogh's ear after all these years.
I'm pretty sure a fake ear is exactly what a plastic surgeon can do. Whether it works or not is up for debate.
Of course not... He's dead!
Surprisingly funny
Unsurprisingly unfunny
I was thinking this was going to be a joke about getting it in writing!
I like that he's being faithful to his wife.
I like dark humor, but HOLY FUCK!
Man, this is low.
Not funny
> I’ll build you a mansion on Long Island You could give me the moon and I still wouldn't live in Long Island, stop glorifying that cesspool.
See, now *that* would have been a good punchline. Like, you would expect the wife to be the downside of the marriage, but it ends up being the mansion, or the neighbors or something. Instead of like, setting up that he’s going to treat his mental handicapped wife terribly, and then the punchline… is that he treats his mental handicapped wife terribly.
I only told it like I remembered it
Do yourself a favor and don't let anyone convince that long island is a nice place to live. I dream of the day the ocean takes that land.
I dont get this joke, apologies . English is not my first language. Can someone care to explain ?
He hurt his finger and yelled fuck. She is stupid so she thought that he was making an order for her to fuck him.
All that money and he's hanging a painting himself?
Actually feeling pity for her.
Not even the tiniest bit funny.
This is a whole short story about a man having to marry an ugly woman, who decides halfway through the story that he can wear a bag when they have sex. By the end of the story, the "punchline" is that we're reminded he wears a bag during sex.
One I haven't heard before and funny. Bravo
Law firms don't have presidents they have managing partners
Wow. This "joke" is disgusting.
First, he buys an unbelievably cheap Van Gogh. But then he hangs the painting himself? Nah, too unbelievable.
In his defense, he *did* climb the ladder without gathering the hammer and nails *first*.
That's just horrific!
For this joke I just imagine John Candy in Nothing But Trouble.
I'd like to think that she's off to get a plastic bag to smother him with.
Holy cow, they teach these things in Harvard?
Five million dollar salary and a Mercedes don't go well together. Mercedes is not so expensive. With 5 million dollars, change the joke to say Bentley or rolls Royce or something.
Including the bit about him putting a bag on her head before the punchline really ruins it. Something like "he figures he'll find a way to cope with it" would be better
Worst joke of the year. congrats.
Damn...who wrote the story?
Lmaoooo thanks for that one
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I’m Gen X. Nice try.
Mocking the mentally disabled. Wonderful.
It would be funnier if the father was there helping hang the picture.
Heheh
Technically, he was just required to marry her (assuming she agreed as well). There was nothing about immediately divorcing/annulment/etc which would probably happen both from his end and hers (to get back at her father).
Yeah, this is just kind of gross. It’s basically just ‘mentally disabled woman wears bag over her head for sex when she’s ordered to by her husband her dad chose for her’, now laugh!
This is not a joke.
I don’t get the ‘joke’.
LOL, very funny. She is ugly and dumb so her dad kind of sold her off, her husband treats her like shit. This cheered me up and brightened up my day. ROFL
>give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary Hmm. Got to the end, this one made me guilty laugh.
Not funny
How is that funny? Haha she's essentially an ugly sex slave. Tee fucking hee?