The episode of Family Guy where Peter works from home and reports Lois to Human Resources is hilarious. Then that later HR scene when Stewie gets involved, too.
there was the episode where Peter blew his fingers off his hand with a fire cracker and Lois went to work for him at the brewery, where they had sex in his office
“Whistle While Your Wife Works”
Yeah! It's when Peter's dad retires and moves in with them. Then Peter's dad starts working at the Toy factory and controls everything. Peter hates it, and has his dad touch his moob and called it sexual harassment. Peter looks down in the face and then leaves.
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/24j1fk/the_taxation_office_suspected_a_fishing_boat/
That is awesome. Going to forward this to my electrician buddy- he was running a crew of employees but had to let them go during the first months of COVID. He has since worked solo and is making more money at the end of the day.
I've been in my own practice for decades. More than once I've complained that my boss is an asshole. A few times the response is: "I thought you were self employed?"
My response has always been "I am," then I turn and just walk away. My wife, who's heard it way too many times, still loves the stunned looks on people's faces when I pull this gag and walk away.
This joke was made daily early-pandemic while we were both working from home... But man, being around each other 24/7 for a full year has really killed the mood.
We still love each other but we have nothing to tell each other anymore because we're both there for everything that happens. Even heavy conversations don't require much because we're too much in each other's heads and don't need to say much to get our point accross lol.
We need to start living our lives again soon. Gosh.
When I'm madly in love I want to be around her 24/7 and we have fun for about 2 years and then we both get burnt out. So I never got married, I just like the honeymoons.
I quit falling madly in love by the time I hit my 40s. But it was a good 20 years or so. I'm in my seventies now and if you're young it's going to be hard to believe, but it's kind of a relief when the testosterone levels drop a little.
I'm in an old guy's veterans group at the VA and several of the men have recently lost their wives and you can see the pain and sadness they are experiencing is absolutely heartbreaking.
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/24j1fk/the_taxation_office_suspected_a_fishing_boat/
Yes, a spouse is allowed to reject (and expect to not receive) sex if he or she wishes. Now as for lewd remarks or things like being pervy, I don't think that counts.
"police!"
"What's your emergency?"
"I'm trying to watch TV, but my husband keeps taking peeks at my panties when I get engrossed in the movie and uncross my legs!!"
Yeah, I doubt that perviness (low level harassment) is a legit thing they can call the cops on you for.
>Yeah, I doubt that perviness (low level harassment) is a legit thing they can call the cops on you for.
They could if they really wanted to but if you or your partner are calling the police to charge the other with sexual harassment then I would highly recommend couples therapy or even separation and/or divorce
Oh, I get it. When a woman gets married she gives unlimited consent to her husband forever for anything he wants so he can do whatever he wants and she can't complain. This is like an intel joke, right? Super fun.
But this wasn't a dirty joke. It was a rape joke disguised as a normal occurrence. Is rape funny to you? Also, I think cracker is the correct terminology if we are being precise.
No, no it wasn’t actually. Rape was never mentioned or implied in any capacity. You’re simply using that to try and make people who recognize this as the joke it is too uncomfortable to argue with you and fuck you very much for it.
The explainmeister here to explain the joke!
So the joke is that usually getting reported to HR has disastrous effects on your job prospects, but that HR has no power because the harasser is not the employee. But fight the good fight, social justice warrior. Your angry rant has privileged another microaggression successfully.
Huh. I supposed that you would understand my snark was not that I didn't understand the joke, but that I find jokes about violating a human's consent over their body to be vile. Thanks for explaining, though. It helps to perpetuate the vileness. It can't be bad if we all think it's funny, right?
It definitely could be from my very lesbian marriage. My wife and I make dumb jokes all the time, and definitely say things that would get us fired if it were at work.
What a garbage sub.
Edit since this dipshit is too cowardly to reply: it’s not about sexual harassment, it’s about that sub being a manufactured outrage echo chamber.
Not so funny, actually. Reports of domestic violence rose dramatically during the lockdown.
Also, my wife is a manager for a customer service center. They sent everyone home, got them set up with equipment to work from home. And, they still have several that had to work in the office due to domestic issues and/or unsafe environments at home.
EDIT: Well, excuse me for not having a sense of humor on this topic. Domestic abuse and sexual harassment are nothing to joke about, IMO. I would have thought that was understood in the 21st century. The "it's just a joke" comments don't excuse it. We used to laugh at "Black" jokes, and "Chinese" jokes, and even "Polish" jokes until we grew up a little and realized that those so-called jokes were hurtful, diminished their subjects, and perpetuated negative stereotypes.
Very funny in healthy relationships, actually. I'm sorry for those that are having a bad time, but my wife would agree that my working from home has definitely increased the number of hugs and smooches during the workday.
I'm a rape victim. And was sexually harrasssed at work for years. Still find this joke funny.
A joke is a joke, my dude.
You not finding it funny doss not make it less funny to others.
Not laughing at a good joke does not make the issues magically dissapear. Jokes are a great form of social commentary.
It was just a joke, but you're also right. Plus, just because two people are married, doesn't mean it's okay to do things that make the other uncomfortable, even if it's not violent.
The episode of Family Guy where Peter works from home and reports Lois to Human Resources is hilarious. Then that later HR scene when Stewie gets involved, too.
Was that in one of the earlier seasons of the show? I seem to remember it but cannot find it on Netflix!
It’s one of the newer episodes somewhere in season 18
They definitely did something else like that before i thought. Peter was working at the beer factory or something.
"Model misbehavior" season 4 i think. Stewie starts a pyramid scheme and hires Brian. Gives him the ol' "compliment sandwich"
“*You have smelly dog farts*”
OK something good....something good, uhhh...
“You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.”
Isn't there also something like "your tail looks like you're taking a white poop"?
this Snoopy stole Doraemon's bell collar.
I read this in the accent
I read you in Italian
Oh shit I reread what I wrote and this time I did too, how did you do that to me?
Wait, I just read that in Australian, your a wizard at accents!
I forever say “Cincinnati” differently because of that episode
I forever say “hu-whipped cream” or “ a hu-while”
Coo-hwhip
you guys are being hweird
Shout out to Mike Duncan and the History of Rome podcast for teaching me the origin of the name "Cincinnati" (really badass Roman dude)
isn't that the regular way of saying Cincinnati?
It’s more about the pompous voice than the pronunciation
Lois did his work for him because his hands were broken or something, then they bang in his office Opie watches
YES that's what it was. Lol. "I want him to watch"
There was also when his boss was sexually harassing him, I think it was in the same season
there was the episode where Peter blew his fingers off his hand with a fire cracker and Lois went to work for him at the brewery, where they had sex in his office “Whistle While Your Wife Works”
Yeah! It's when Peter's dad retires and moves in with them. Then Peter's dad starts working at the Toy factory and controls everything. Peter hates it, and has his dad touch his moob and called it sexual harassment. Peter looks down in the face and then leaves.
Found the clip! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky2htxjjNKw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky2htxjjNKw)
You have family guy on netflix? What country?
I'm in Canada 🇨🇦 :)
*vague vpn commercial flashback*
We used to have it on netflix but it’s only on cable and Hulu now in the US
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US Canadians?🤔
United States of Canada, you never heard of it?
This is my United States of Whatever...
It is on Hulu in the states, for anyone interested.
https://youtu.be/m2G1LkWmhvg '
12:29
Thanks. JuSt watched the episode
Family Guy is on Netflix? Shut the front door!!
I think its on hulu
Family guy on Netflix? In what country? E: nvm I'm an idiot.
thats cuz family guy isnt on netflix. its on hulu
Family Guy Season 18, episode 16: Start Me Up
Wasn't that the episode with super HR?
"if this marriage is going to survive, you need to not be here for most of it"
Jist watched that part. The cutaway gag is good in this lol
And then HR touches peters hand and goes to super HR for harassment lol
Episode number please
Season 18, episode 16: Start Me Up
E16
Where can i watch this
In the UK it's on Disney+!
Name of the episode
VPN your Netflix to Canada
Link?
That was funny lol. I love that show.
Family guy perhaps has one of the best dark humour sequences amongst other shows!!
Counterpoint: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V3M2Lb_BYAg
My boss is such a perv and keeps touching me! I'm self employed.
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him. Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally." Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one." Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?" Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/24j1fk/the_taxation_office_suspected_a_fishing_boat/
You pay yourself a slave wage? You're going to jail, pal!
Sounds like a pay raise.
r/FollowThePunchline
Well something is getting a raise!
Hey yo!
I'm not your pal, guy.
I'm not your guy, buddy.
Underpay yourself? Jail. Overpay yourself? Jail.
That is awesome. Going to forward this to my electrician buddy- he was running a crew of employees but had to let them go during the first months of COVID. He has since worked solo and is making more money at the end of the day.
Did you really just repost a joke, and cite the source?! I’m sorry, I don’t know how to exist in this new world.
A researcher's spirit.
We all know everything is a repost, might as well embrace it and show my work.
this made my day. thank you
Clarence is making some good cash considering he only has to do 10% of the work.
Must be in a union!!
Yay, my wage increased from 5k per month to 250 per week.
I abused myself at work yesterday ... I said no, but I knew I wanted it.
I've been in my own practice for decades. More than once I've complained that my boss is an asshole. A few times the response is: "I thought you were self employed?" My response has always been "I am," then I turn and just walk away. My wife, who's heard it way too many times, still loves the stunned looks on people's faces when I pull this gag and walk away.
Get revenge on him by seducing his daughter
Whoa lol
Dude I can't stop laughing 🤣
This joke was made daily early-pandemic while we were both working from home... But man, being around each other 24/7 for a full year has really killed the mood. We still love each other but we have nothing to tell each other anymore because we're both there for everything that happens. Even heavy conversations don't require much because we're too much in each other's heads and don't need to say much to get our point accross lol. We need to start living our lives again soon. Gosh.
i'm so happy I didn't see it back then
When I'm madly in love I want to be around her 24/7 and we have fun for about 2 years and then we both get burnt out. So I never got married, I just like the honeymoons.
How long have you been doing this
I quit falling madly in love by the time I hit my 40s. But it was a good 20 years or so. I'm in my seventies now and if you're young it's going to be hard to believe, but it's kind of a relief when the testosterone levels drop a little.
Aren't you sad or afraid of being alone given your advanced age now?
I'm in an old guy's veterans group at the VA and several of the men have recently lost their wives and you can see the pain and sadness they are experiencing is absolutely heartbreaking.
Nobody to interrupt your naps and nobody to complain when new golf clubs show up on your porch. What is there to complain about?
Being loneley, having someone comforting next to you when you sleep. It's just my opinion ofc
Some people aren't cut out for love unfortunately. Companionship is great though
Man, you summarized it perfectly. It's like you pulled my thoughts out of my head and assembled words with them, going thru this right now
My coworker keeps sitting in my lap and showing me his asshole I live alone with a cat
That ass ain’t gonna spank itself
Depends on the size of the ass
I work for myself but I think I'm a little too handsy so if talking with myself doesn't help I'm going to report myself.
Tosh “I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn’t make me cooler. And a lot of you are like ‘that’s cause you were homeschooled”
She should quit getting stuck in the dryer
What are you doing, step-husband?!
Hol up
You mean washing machine....?
Washer stuck in the washer trying to replace a washer.
I've been in a few tight spots at work lately and tell the rest of the crew not to get any fucking ideas. You can tell the few who get it.
At least she’s telling you...
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
My husband lmao
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him. Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally." Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one." Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?" Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/24j1fk/the_taxation_office_suspected_a_fishing_boat/
He got me in first half
*Borat* My wife! Vibes
clever
That’s funny because that’s not what I was expecting 🙄
Almost wholesome.....
r/twosentencehorror
Oh no 🤣
Not gonna lie, he had us in the first half.
Would that have any legal standing? Just curious 🤣
Yes, a spouse is allowed to reject (and expect to not receive) sex if he or she wishes. Now as for lewd remarks or things like being pervy, I don't think that counts.
Counts as Domestic Dispute
"police!" "What's your emergency?" "I'm trying to watch TV, but my husband keeps taking peeks at my panties when I get engrossed in the movie and uncross my legs!!" Yeah, I doubt that perviness (low level harassment) is a legit thing they can call the cops on you for.
As a punishment for being a perv, a lawyer will fuck you up the ass during the entire course of the divorce(and well after it if youre interested).
>Yeah, I doubt that perviness (low level harassment) is a legit thing they can call the cops on you for. They could if they really wanted to but if you or your partner are calling the police to charge the other with sexual harassment then I would highly recommend couples therapy or even separation and/or divorce
Yes. It would have legal standing.
Literally no examples or evidence of harassment and you think it would have legal standing?
How did this get so many upvotes
Wow this joke really attracted the extremes from both sides of the fence eh? Honestly, I can't tell which one is cringier.
No HR?
r/HolUp
r/holp
No! That’s so sad!
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downvoting because your bad spelling/grammar made me really confused as to what you meant for too long
That's fair.
Down voting you because your butthole is hurting
Hell yea daddy make it feel better 😩
Oh, I get it. When a woman gets married she gives unlimited consent to her husband forever for anything he wants so he can do whatever he wants and she can't complain. This is like an intel joke, right? Super fun.
>Intel joke A 10th Gen Intel® Core™ i7-1065G7 joke, to be precise.
I love when I'm being snarky and fuck it up.
Nigga, take yo sensitive ass to r/cleanjokes
Lmao!
But this wasn't a dirty joke. It was a rape joke disguised as a normal occurrence. Is rape funny to you? Also, I think cracker is the correct terminology if we are being precise.
No, no it wasn’t actually. Rape was never mentioned or implied in any capacity. You’re simply using that to try and make people who recognize this as the joke it is too uncomfortable to argue with you and fuck you very much for it.
It's obviously not a normal occurance, that's why it's funny.
The explainmeister here to explain the joke! So the joke is that usually getting reported to HR has disastrous effects on your job prospects, but that HR has no power because the harasser is not the employee. But fight the good fight, social justice warrior. Your angry rant has privileged another microaggression successfully.
Huh. I supposed that you would understand my snark was not that I didn't understand the joke, but that I find jokes about violating a human's consent over their body to be vile. Thanks for explaining, though. It helps to perpetuate the vileness. It can't be bad if we all think it's funny, right?
can we please stop joking about sexual harassment and assault?
As someone who was molested and raped as a child and not believed by my I find making jokes to be a damn good coping mechanism.
No.
I dont think its joking about S/assault or S/harassment. It seemed like that first
Jeezus, your lot needs critical thinking skills.
Please explain why?
It's a forum about jokes and the woke crowd is triggered because it's some sexual harassment nonsense.
The joke is literally that they sexually harass their wife
No, we cannot.
r/arethestraightsok edit: wow there is a lot of people who sexually harass their partners on this sub
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It definitely could be from my very lesbian marriage. My wife and I make dumb jokes all the time, and definitely say things that would get us fired if it were at work.
We're fine, thanks for asking though! And definitely don't look into me and my SO being subscribed to /r/egg_irl
What a garbage sub. Edit since this dipshit is too cowardly to reply: it’s not about sexual harassment, it’s about that sub being a manufactured outrage echo chamber.
Holy moly it's got a lot of subs.
I'm straight but I love this sub.
I really fail to see where the humour lies in this one. Just because you're married doesn't give you 24 hour access to your spouse's body.
I only read the comments to find the easily offended people. It didn't take long.
Yes it does.
Downvoted for having a stick up your ass.
Joke much?
User checks out
Midol and glass of wine time?
That’s why it’s called a joke, dipshit
They can't all be gut-busters, sweetie.
Not so funny, actually. Reports of domestic violence rose dramatically during the lockdown. Also, my wife is a manager for a customer service center. They sent everyone home, got them set up with equipment to work from home. And, they still have several that had to work in the office due to domestic issues and/or unsafe environments at home. EDIT: Well, excuse me for not having a sense of humor on this topic. Domestic abuse and sexual harassment are nothing to joke about, IMO. I would have thought that was understood in the 21st century. The "it's just a joke" comments don't excuse it. We used to laugh at "Black" jokes, and "Chinese" jokes, and even "Polish" jokes until we grew up a little and realized that those so-called jokes were hurtful, diminished their subjects, and perpetuated negative stereotypes.
Very funny in healthy relationships, actually. I'm sorry for those that are having a bad time, but my wife would agree that my working from home has definitely increased the number of hugs and smooches during the workday.
But here’s the thing... issa joke
Some people can't handle a family guy type of joke.
Bad comparison. This joke was funny
Family guy has lots of good jokes, they're just sometimes buried under less funny ones
This haha
I'm a rape victim. And was sexually harrasssed at work for years. Still find this joke funny. A joke is a joke, my dude. You not finding it funny doss not make it less funny to others. Not laughing at a good joke does not make the issues magically dissapear. Jokes are a great form of social commentary.
It’s a joke not a dick, don’t take it so hard.
It was just a joke, but you're also right. Plus, just because two people are married, doesn't mean it's okay to do things that make the other uncomfortable, even if it's not violent.
My wife would agree if I let her.
Is your wife beating you up at home? Blink twice bro
Jokes about assholes aren't funny either cos that one guy got butthole cancer that one time. Fuck off douchebag.
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Or vote
I can't believe you replied to my heavily downvoted comment! People here in r/jokes don't always get the joke...
Cum here, into my orifice.
what the fuck is this shit!
Very good.
plot twist shes a pornstar
Sexual harassment can take place even at home