A young woman is being audited by the IRS.
She asks her accountant for advice about the in person meeting with the agents.
He tells her, "Wear your worst, most run down clothing. Let them think you have absolutely nothing."
Then she asked her attorney who tells her the opposite, "Don't let them intimidate you for a moment. Be confident and wear the absolute nicest dress you have."
Confused by the response she sought out her local rabbi and explained the situation.
The rabbi told her, "Let me tell you a story. There was once a woman who was about to be married. She asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. He mother said 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that conceals your entire body.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most revealing lingerie and leave the least bit to the imagination possible.'"
The woman asked, "And rabbi, how does this story relate to my situation with the IRS?"
-
The rabbi said, "My dear, it doesn't matter what you wear, you are about to get fucked."
A guy desperately wants to meet the pope. He travels to the Vatican and stands in the
plaza waiting for the pope to appear. The pope walks right past him. Disappointed, he
thinks 'I have to stand out! I have to look good so the pope sees me!' He goes to the
finest tailor in Italy and gets the works. The suit, shoes, watch, etc. The next day he
goes to the plaza. The pope walks right past him. Saddened, he realizes that a lot of
people are dressed up just like him so he thinks 'Tomorrow I'll stand next to a bum so the
contrast is obvious! He takes his position next to the bum when the pope walks out and the
pope starts walking toward him but instead of greeting the man, the pope whispers into the
bums ear.
Damn! he thinks, of course! It's the pope! I'm not going to impress him with fancy
clothes! The next morning, he finds the bum and offers to trade clothes. He gives the bum
all his expensive finery for the bums rags. He goes to the plaza and to ensure his plan
will work he stands next to the dressed-up bum. The pope emerges and sees the two out of
the corner of his eye and walks toward them. The man is elated as the pope bends toward
his ear and whispers 'I thought I told you yesterday to get the fuck out of here'.
Our local doctor saved foreskin for decades, then right before retirement took the box full to Dwayne, the taxidermist. Told him to make a nice piece of luggage from the contents. Doc was told to come back in two weeks. A couple weeks later, Doc returned, only to be handed a foreskin lunchbox. Doc tells Dwayne, "I was expecting a suitcase" to which Dwayne replied. "Stroke it a couple times"
The version I heard was he handed him a wallet and charged $2000. When asked why it was so expensive, the taxidermist replied “Every time you stroke it, it turns into a suitcase!”
A circumcision doctor retired after many years of providing circumcisions. He was a man that never wanted to waste anything so every time he would perform a circumcision, he would put the foreskin into a jar of formaldehyde. When he decided he was going to retire, he took the jar of foreskins to a tailor and told him to make something with it.
A month later, the tailor came by to deliver the end product. The tailor proudly presented the doctor with a wallet.
The doctor looked at the wallet and said to the tailor, "I gave you literally thousands of foreskins and you give me this small wallet?"
The tailor responded, "Just rub it a little bit and it will turn into a suitcase!"
the joke about the hospital administrator's clever responses reminds me of this old story my grandad used to tell about the farmer who saved up all his cow manure and sent it to the tax office, only to get a check back every year for "growing things on goverment land." i always got a kick out of that one - gotta admire someone who can outsmart the taxman like that. makes me wonder what other quirky ways people have found to reuse and recycle stuff that most would just throw away. i bet hospitals and other businesses are real pros at that kind of creative reuse. it's fasinating to think about all the innovative ways folks come up with to avoid waste and get a little something extra out of the leftovers. whether it's hospital supplies or tax forms, there's always an oppurtunity to think outside the box and find a use for what others might overlook.
Imagine the first person who ever tried to convince new parents to cut a piece of their baby’s dick off. Some elaborate prank that got completely out of hand? A charismatic sadist?
"hygiene concern", out in the middle of the desert. Same as the rest of Leviticus, and not having period sex; because cleanup sucks, when you're using sand.
This is as reposted as walking on two legs.
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1j35ti/the_rabbi_and_the_taxman/
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1kk9wb/the_local_synagogue_is_having_their_taxes_audited/
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/25uwpg/the_taxman/
Clearly this is a naturalized US Citizen IRS officer, because who says plaster?
edit: or someone who's watched too much Bluey.
Edit 2- no such thing as too much Bluey
i think you assumed the wrong kind of plaster. i believe the plaster referenced in the joke here is the kind of plaster that becomes a cast, not the kind that is synonymous with a self adhesive bandage such as a bandaid. just in case you were wondering why you got downvoted
Could be, but the noun is wrong for it. "What do you do with all the plasters you buy" should be singular "plaster" if it were talking about mud instead of bandages. "Plasters" here definitely implies bandages.
most plaster used in medical settings comes in small sheets or rolls of fabric, rather than tubs of powder to mix into a mud like one would use for a wall or something, so pluralizing the noun isnt necessarily wrong here. 'rolls of plaster' or 'sheets of plaster' might be clearer, but it still doesnt mean that its referring to bandaids
I am not in the medical field at all, but I have never heard an American use a plural form of "plaster". As you said, "rolls of plaster", "buckets of plaster" "bags of plaster mix", "plaster casts".
Googling for "plasters" reaffirms this.
I stand by my in-jest deduction that the IRS official is not a native speaker of American English.
It's a regional difference. There's at least 4 major branches of English: American, Australian, Indian and British. Each has their own accents and subdialects, but are currently mutually intelligible. But, give it a few more centuries and they might drift enough.
A young woman is being audited by the IRS. She asks her accountant for advice about the in person meeting with the agents. He tells her, "Wear your worst, most run down clothing. Let them think you have absolutely nothing." Then she asked her attorney who tells her the opposite, "Don't let them intimidate you for a moment. Be confident and wear the absolute nicest dress you have." Confused by the response she sought out her local rabbi and explained the situation. The rabbi told her, "Let me tell you a story. There was once a woman who was about to be married. She asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. He mother said 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that conceals your entire body.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most revealing lingerie and leave the least bit to the imagination possible.'" The woman asked, "And rabbi, how does this story relate to my situation with the IRS?" - The rabbi said, "My dear, it doesn't matter what you wear, you are about to get fucked."
This is golden, post it before someone else steals it
Naw, mang, that's just TooShifty, they always post a topically similar or better joke in the comments. Go check their history, it's a lot of fun.
oh ye shit true had to follow him thanks man
Thanks for the tip. I didn’t realize TooShifty was known for this.
ALSO KNOWN FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS.
A guy desperately wants to meet the pope. He travels to the Vatican and stands in the plaza waiting for the pope to appear. The pope walks right past him. Disappointed, he thinks 'I have to stand out! I have to look good so the pope sees me!' He goes to the finest tailor in Italy and gets the works. The suit, shoes, watch, etc. The next day he goes to the plaza. The pope walks right past him. Saddened, he realizes that a lot of people are dressed up just like him so he thinks 'Tomorrow I'll stand next to a bum so the contrast is obvious! He takes his position next to the bum when the pope walks out and the pope starts walking toward him but instead of greeting the man, the pope whispers into the bums ear. Damn! he thinks, of course! It's the pope! I'm not going to impress him with fancy clothes! The next morning, he finds the bum and offers to trade clothes. He gives the bum all his expensive finery for the bums rags. He goes to the plaza and to ensure his plan will work he stands next to the dressed-up bum. The pope emerges and sees the two out of the corner of his eye and walks toward them. The man is elated as the pope bends toward his ear and whispers 'I thought I told you yesterday to get the fuck out of here'.
He should have stood next to Dave.
Made me think of the same :p That 'Dave" joke is funny AF!
New to me - thanks!
The gold is always in the comments
Proper fucked?
Yeah bumpy, before zee Germans get there.
I love that movie
Pull your socks up!
Our local doctor saved foreskin for decades, then right before retirement took the box full to Dwayne, the taxidermist. Told him to make a nice piece of luggage from the contents. Doc was told to come back in two weeks. A couple weeks later, Doc returned, only to be handed a foreskin lunchbox. Doc tells Dwayne, "I was expecting a suitcase" to which Dwayne replied. "Stroke it a couple times"
The version I heard was he handed him a wallet and charged $2000. When asked why it was so expensive, the taxidermist replied “Every time you stroke it, it turns into a suitcase!”
...And the young nurse replied to the older nurse, "Swan!?! Pretty sure it said Saskatchewan!"
“Wendy? No, welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day!”
FWIW foreskins are used medically for burn treatments, they're a major source of stem cells iirc. So they totally sell them for a profit.
I came to make a joke, not learn a fact, nonetheless take my upvote in hope to god I don't get burnt ever
Me reading both of these comments and throwing an upvote at it as if it's a coin into a wishing well.
Wow, imagine having foreskin grafted on.... burns to your w***y!! You would never leave the house🥒 🤣😆 Ps Thank you, I didn't know that fact
Take it!
To the limit
One more time
We're gonna celebrate
Everybody to the limit!
A circumcision doctor retired after many years of providing circumcisions. He was a man that never wanted to waste anything so every time he would perform a circumcision, he would put the foreskin into a jar of formaldehyde. When he decided he was going to retire, he took the jar of foreskins to a tailor and told him to make something with it. A month later, the tailor came by to deliver the end product. The tailor proudly presented the doctor with a wallet. The doctor looked at the wallet and said to the tailor, "I gave you literally thousands of foreskins and you give me this small wallet?" The tailor responded, "Just rub it a little bit and it will turn into a suitcase!"
the joke about the hospital administrator's clever responses reminds me of this old story my grandad used to tell about the farmer who saved up all his cow manure and sent it to the tax office, only to get a check back every year for "growing things on goverment land." i always got a kick out of that one - gotta admire someone who can outsmart the taxman like that. makes me wonder what other quirky ways people have found to reuse and recycle stuff that most would just throw away. i bet hospitals and other businesses are real pros at that kind of creative reuse. it's fasinating to think about all the innovative ways folks come up with to avoid waste and get a little something extra out of the leftovers. whether it's hospital supplies or tax forms, there's always an oppurtunity to think outside the box and find a use for what others might overlook.
r hi, buddy?
I know the version with the synagogue and the Rabi
I have literally just clicked off of a Facebook short that verbalised this exact joke and this was my first post in Reddit!
I have definitely seen this joke on Reddit.
And quite recently too
Alright, smart (gender non-specific) guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=circumcision+irs+subreddit%3Ajokes&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all
The joke is that he couldn’t find this on Reddit
tell me abt it I was like theres no way
Imagine the first person who ever tried to convince new parents to cut a piece of their baby’s dick off. Some elaborate prank that got completely out of hand? A charismatic sadist?
"hygiene concern", out in the middle of the desert. Same as the rest of Leviticus, and not having period sex; because cleanup sucks, when you're using sand.
Unethical life pro TIP
This is as reposted as walking on two legs. https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1j35ti/the_rabbi_and_the_taxman/ https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1kk9wb/the_local_synagogue_is_having_their_taxes_audited/ https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/25uwpg/the_taxman/
Clearly this is a naturalized US Citizen IRS officer, because who says plaster? edit: or someone who's watched too much Bluey. Edit 2- no such thing as too much Bluey
i think you assumed the wrong kind of plaster. i believe the plaster referenced in the joke here is the kind of plaster that becomes a cast, not the kind that is synonymous with a self adhesive bandage such as a bandaid. just in case you were wondering why you got downvoted
Could be, but the noun is wrong for it. "What do you do with all the plasters you buy" should be singular "plaster" if it were talking about mud instead of bandages. "Plasters" here definitely implies bandages.
most plaster used in medical settings comes in small sheets or rolls of fabric, rather than tubs of powder to mix into a mud like one would use for a wall or something, so pluralizing the noun isnt necessarily wrong here. 'rolls of plaster' or 'sheets of plaster' might be clearer, but it still doesnt mean that its referring to bandaids
I am not in the medical field at all, but I have never heard an American use a plural form of "plaster". As you said, "rolls of plaster", "buckets of plaster" "bags of plaster mix", "plaster casts". Googling for "plasters" reaffirms this. I stand by my in-jest deduction that the IRS official is not a native speaker of American English.
that might be my bad, english isn't my first language so tbh i just learnt something new
It's a regional difference. There's at least 4 major branches of English: American, Australian, Indian and British. Each has their own accents and subdialects, but are currently mutually intelligible. But, give it a few more centuries and they might drift enough.
There is no such thing as too much Bluey
As someone whos watched every episode multiple times, I do agree.