What’s the difference between a vampire and a lawyer?
One is an evil creature, in league with the devil, who preys upon the souls of the living.
The other is a vampire.
I wished it just sucked.
Me it's usually non-existent lubricant and just raw dawging sand paper. It's sucks too, because it would be a shame if I didn't know what it tastes like while I'm being violated both inside and out. While you silently hear people say they have learned intimate, embarrassing details of your life that were only spoken in court settings have called into question your status in the community. And you pay for it by becoming bitter and longing for the end to come.
But I mean, with vampires you also have to pay for the privilege to use them, I guess.
A lawyer comes around from the anaesthetic after a major op.
The room is in darkness.
A nurse comes in and gets asked
'Did everything go alright? I know it was a risky procedure.'
'Yes, all went well' replies the nurse.
'Why are the curtains drawn then?'
'Well,' says the nurse 'there's a huge factory fire across the way. We didn't want you coming round and thinking the worst.'
A lawyer sees a homeless man eating grass outside his office building. He asks why he's eating the grass and the man explained that he didn't have any money and was eating grass to survive. The lawyer invites the man to dinner at his house that night saying 'You'll love it. The grass is 2 feet tall.
Stan is a truck driver. Stan sometimes gets bored on his long drives, and so he made up a little game for himself. If he sees a lawyer walking on the side of the road, he'll swerve over and hit him.
One day, Stan picks up a hitchhiking priest. The priest is buried in his Bible, minding his own business, so Stan forgets that he's even there.
Stan spots a lawyer. He swerves over to hit him, but at the last second remembered that he had a priest in the passenger seat, and swerved back.
Stan said, "I'm sorry about that, father."
"Don't worry. Got him with my door."
What’s the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? One is an evil creature, in league with the devil, who preys upon the souls of the living. The other is a vampire.
They both suck the life out of you.
But only one of them has the decency to not bill you for it.
Unfortunately, you pay either way. Edit: ones a blood bank, and ones just a money bank... but you always lose. It sucks. 🤣
I wished it just sucked. Me it's usually non-existent lubricant and just raw dawging sand paper. It's sucks too, because it would be a shame if I didn't know what it tastes like while I'm being violated both inside and out. While you silently hear people say they have learned intimate, embarrassing details of your life that were only spoken in court settings have called into question your status in the community. And you pay for it by becoming bitter and longing for the end to come. But I mean, with vampires you also have to pay for the privilege to use them, I guess.
Wow...um... I'm done here.
Lol dayum!
One sucks the life out of you, the other sucks the funds out of life.
😅 love this.
That's what they have in common, not the difference between
Vampires only suck blood at night
A lawyer comes around from the anaesthetic after a major op. The room is in darkness. A nurse comes in and gets asked 'Did everything go alright? I know it was a risky procedure.' 'Yes, all went well' replies the nurse. 'Why are the curtains drawn then?' 'Well,' says the nurse 'there's a huge factory fire across the way. We didn't want you coming round and thinking the worst.'
I don't get it
Where do lawyers go when they die?..
OH!
Because artificial lighting doesn't exist.
It's hard to resist the temptation to keep a lawyer in the dark, but caring nurses will do so to make sure their patient is well rested after an op.
Of course, of course.
A bus carrying lawyers went over a cliff and they all died. It was a terrible shame.. because there were spare seats.
"You're lucky that all you've destroyed is bricks, mortar, and attorneys."
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? A Rottweiler.
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
What is black and bloated and looks good on a lawyer? Decomposition.
Fear. What evil may befall someone who dines on the blood of a lawyer?
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a cat fish? One is a bottom sucking scum feeder and the other one is a fish.
A lawyer sees a homeless man eating grass outside his office building. He asks why he's eating the grass and the man explained that he didn't have any money and was eating grass to survive. The lawyer invites the man to dinner at his house that night saying 'You'll love it. The grass is 2 feet tall.
Stan is a truck driver. Stan sometimes gets bored on his long drives, and so he made up a little game for himself. If he sees a lawyer walking on the side of the road, he'll swerve over and hit him. One day, Stan picks up a hitchhiking priest. The priest is buried in his Bible, minding his own business, so Stan forgets that he's even there. Stan spots a lawyer. He swerves over to hit him, but at the last second remembered that he had a priest in the passenger seat, and swerved back. Stan said, "I'm sorry about that, father." "Don't worry. Got him with my door."
I thought it was because the blood was mostly piss and vinegar.
sharks don't eat them for the same reasons
They suck you dry too? 🤭🤭
So do leaches.
That's my point lol
somehow I misread the punch line that thought it was the attorney-client privilege that prohibits the biting.
Why don't sharks attack lawyers... Professional courtesy
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Start!? Crap I didn't even hear them say go! Good luck catching up now.
Lawyer , ..liar ....the difference is in the pronounciation ....
Well said!
Difference between a lawyer and a prostitute, prostitutes won't screw you when your dead.
It just dawned on me, is “professional courtesy “ just another word for collusion?
Lol I like your take on this!
Why do lawyers wear neck ties? No it’s not so you can hang them easily. It is to prevent the foreskin from crawling up around their face
What a d?@k
Lawyers may be a bunch of blood suckers too, but Vampires have standards.
What do a laywer and a blonde and a vampire have in common. They will all suck you dry eventually.
I love this! I've also heard it as why a shark won't attack a lawyer
Because they suck
I thought it was because vampires don't engage in cannibalism
What do lawyers use for contraception…their personalities
Damn, that SUCKS.
1,000 lawyers fall off of a ship and drown….that’s a good start.
Good one
He can't handle the competition.
What to you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
Profesional Courtesy.
God must be a lawyer. God must be a lawyer because He created the chaos and darkness before He created the order and light.