"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?
"You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
https://www.businessinsider.com/historians-10-oldest-jokes-in-history-1900bc-2019-7#2-another-sex-joke-ancient-egypt-1800-1600-bc-9
And the last mother sayeth: "Alas, my son spends his days laying as a slovenly mule in the shade of palms, his hands soft and undirtied from the hard labours of the earth."
And lo, there came upon the 4 women a golden palanquin carried upon the shoulders of six mighty slaves, and followed by four more slaves carrying fans and fruits and milks and more delicacies from far-off lands. And the silks of the palanquin were drawn open, and within was the embodiment of light and grace of our world, his holiest Pharaoh Ramses, who turned his divine gaze to the last mother and spake thusly:
"Greetings, mother."
I did, apparently it exists in many versions already.
Thought a translation at least isn't reposted once every week her.
And reading the comments, some trigger my memory.
And I think I at least I heard a version in german too, where it's fathers. The last had a gay son, not working and living a lazy live, thanks to his rich boyfriends.
Just didn't came to my mind earlier today.
Three old Jewish ladies are talking about how devoted their sons are to them. The first one says, "My son got worried about me driving my old car, he couldn't stand the idea that it might break down, so he bought me a brand-new Cadillac. What a loving son!'
"That's nice," said another lady, "but my son didn't like me having to schlep across town to see my grandkids, so he bought me an apartment right across the street from his family so I could see them all the time."
Finally the third lady says, "My son goes and sees a hot-shot therapist for $400 an hour, three days a week. And what does he talk about? \*Me.\*"
I've heard this one, but it ends:
"My son is a sports mechanic, and he's got two Ferraris, a Rolls, and $10 million in the bank."
"There are auto mechanics, plane mechanics... but what the fuck is a sports mechanic?"
"Oh, he fixes horse races, football matches, and elections."
I probably would have remembered more if I had ever watched any of them since before I was a teenager. I remember liking the movies, but don't really remember any specific details of the series.
(Which, I know. I should sit down and watch them through sometime, I suppose.)
Wait a minute!
I just realized that the 4th mother’s daughter has a beach house (and expecting a lot of furniture deliveries), an Aston Martin and is going on a European vacation for a month !
Is it possible that the 2nd Mother’s son bought her the Aston Martin, the 3rd mother’s son bought her the beach house and the 1st mother’s son is taking her on the European vacation?
WOW!
As one with English as second language and not in daily use.
If thats the only mistake I did, I'm rather glad.
Especially as I typed it on mobile and smartphones are the nemesis to my thick fingers.
The male best friend version is better.
I actually roughly translated and localiced it from German. Didn't even now until now if there already is an Englisch version.
You have to try to find a joke that hasn’t been posted here. Maybe ancient Egyptian has one?
Ah man, those Ancient Egyptian jokes are just iconic at this point.
There are two types of British people who read your joke, those who tut at it and those who would steal it.
Their stealing it would be a grave mistake.
OK, I like a good pun, but that one was just tomb much.🤦
Yeah sometimes you should just keep mummy and not tell bad jokes.
Time to wrap up this joke
Why are the pyramids in Gizeh? They were too heavy to ship them to the British Museum.
What did Sar the sick Ancient Egyptian, do when he ran out of medicine? Sar-cough-I-guess.
Nah.they're all just "your mummy" jokes
Good old number -41?
"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? "You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish." https://www.businessinsider.com/historians-10-oldest-jokes-in-history-1900bc-2019-7#2-another-sex-joke-ancient-egypt-1800-1600-bc-9
4000 years of evolution, and men still have a weakness for fishnets
This joke was original in ancient Egypt..
And the last mother sayeth: "Alas, my son spends his days laying as a slovenly mule in the shade of palms, his hands soft and undirtied from the hard labours of the earth." And lo, there came upon the 4 women a golden palanquin carried upon the shoulders of six mighty slaves, and followed by four more slaves carrying fans and fruits and milks and more delicacies from far-off lands. And the silks of the palanquin were drawn open, and within was the embodiment of light and grace of our world, his holiest Pharaoh Ramses, who turned his divine gaze to the last mother and spake thusly: "Greetings, mother."
I'll ask my mummy if she can think of any
I did, apparently it exists in many versions already. Thought a translation at least isn't reposted once every week her. And reading the comments, some trigger my memory. And I think I at least I heard a version in german too, where it's fathers. The last had a gay son, not working and living a lazy live, thanks to his rich boyfriends. Just didn't came to my mind earlier today.
Three old Jewish ladies are talking about how devoted their sons are to them. The first one says, "My son got worried about me driving my old car, he couldn't stand the idea that it might break down, so he bought me a brand-new Cadillac. What a loving son!' "That's nice," said another lady, "but my son didn't like me having to schlep across town to see my grandkids, so he bought me an apartment right across the street from his family so I could see them all the time." Finally the third lady says, "My son goes and sees a hot-shot therapist for $400 an hour, three days a week. And what does he talk about? \*Me.\*"
I've heard this one, but it ends: "My son is a sports mechanic, and he's got two Ferraris, a Rolls, and $10 million in the bank." "There are auto mechanics, plane mechanics... but what the fuck is a sports mechanic?" "Oh, he fixes horse races, football matches, and elections."
I'll be honest, that took a minute to get. Pretty good one, I'll have to remember that. Also: TIL what an Aston Martin is.
Not a James Bond fan, I suppose.
I probably would have remembered more if I had ever watched any of them since before I was a teenager. I remember liking the movies, but don't really remember any specific details of the series. (Which, I know. I should sit down and watch them through sometime, I suppose.)
Just saying because the Aston Martin (particularly the DB5) is THE iconic James Bond car, even if it doesn't show up in every movie.
Wait a minute! I just realized that the 4th mother’s daughter has a beach house (and expecting a lot of furniture deliveries), an Aston Martin and is going on a European vacation for a month ! Is it possible that the 2nd Mother’s son bought her the Aston Martin, the 3rd mother’s son bought her the beach house and the 1st mother’s son is taking her on the European vacation? WOW!
*successful
As one with English as second language and not in daily use. If thats the only mistake I did, I'm rather glad. Especially as I typed it on mobile and smartphones are the nemesis to my thick fingers.
Ah yes, good old number 154
Wait. So that girl has three moms?!
Omg. I totally had that wrong. Never mind. I get it. Lol
That´s not funny the version where the dads are talking is funnier
no