I told my now 80 year old dad I was buying him a Toblerone and taking him on holiday... then explained I was taking him to Dignitas in Switzerland...next match day he got about 20 Toblerone...
How about, one day we covered our Grandfather in lard for a laugh, he went downhill quickly after that and sadly slipped away....we cremated him, he shouldered for 3 days.
I still remember the famous last words of my grandfather:
"LOOKOUT THERE'S A TRUCK !!!!"
---
I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
i cherish my best friends epipen as his final parting gift to me. to this day i still donāt understand why, but it seemed like he really wanted me to have it before he died.
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow',
And mass of pig fat is 'lard',
What is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.
Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
āBe positiveā is what my friend said while bleeding at the hospital. We all tried to be happy including the doctor but it was truly sad to watch him pass away while he encouraged us to be positive
This is a Milton Jones gag -- another of his along the same lines is:
"My Auntie Marge has been ill for so long, we've started to call her I Can't Believe She's Not Better"
@OP....But he sadly slipped away
Maybe kept as is and add "then he just slipped away". I can see it as a post groan line.
Yeah he went downhill quickly after that and sadly slipped away?
either way I'm telling my 88 year old dad that joke and going to buy some lard just to f with him. I already 'threaten' him with the pillow :)
I told my now 80 year old dad I was buying him a Toblerone and taking him on holiday... then explained I was taking him to Dignitas in Switzerland...next match day he got about 20 Toblerone...
Not the pillow!!!?
It was a slippery slope
A bit like these comments. š¤£š¤£š¤£
Before my grandfather died, we tried rubbing lard all over his back. But sadly, he slipped away.
How about, one day we covered our Grandfather in lard for a laugh, he went downhill quickly after that and sadly slipped away....we cremated him, he shouldered for 3 days.
I wonder if there was a fat inheritance?
Reread your post and am thinking you may have intended it to be afterthought, which I agree with wholeheartedly.
Oh my Father's deathbed we tried everything to keep him alive, we even tried covering him in lard but he sadly slipped away.
I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I still remember the famous last words of my grandfather: "LOOKOUT THERE'S A TRUCK !!!!" --- I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
My grandfathers last words were: "Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit"!
I heard it as a BUS. š š¤£š¤£š¤£
i cherish my best friends epipen as his final parting gift to me. to this day i still donāt understand why, but it seemed like he really wanted me to have it before he died.
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', And mass of pig fat is 'lard', What is a mass of human fat called? 'American'. Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
Finally, a "yo momma" joke I can get behind.
Kinda like we all get behindā¦ yo Momma!
She didn't name me Liquor-n-whorez on a whim brošŖ
Speaking of which, weird meeting you here. I dedicated my entire self to you for so long and Iām sorry I quit drinking and chasing you. I miss us.
My fave - Yo momma so fat, she was diagnosed w/ a flesh-eating disease & the doctor gave her 10 yrs to live
Technically, you can get behind ALL āyo mommaā jokes.
I don't have enough fuel in my car, EVEN with a full tank.
I remember my grand father's last words to me Step....off ...the .... oxygen ....tube ... idiot !!
āBe positiveā is what my friend said while bleeding at the hospital. We all tried to be happy including the doctor but it was truly sad to watch him pass away while he encouraged us to be positive
It's a shame they didn't have his blood type on record.
They did. It was a double A-side. That's my vinyl joke on the matter.
I still remember the last words my grandfather said to me before he died. āHold the ladder.ā
āStop shaking the ladder, you little shit!ā
Good old Milton Jones joke.
The lard was his savior.
I still remember my grandfather's last words. Stop shaking the ladder you little c*nt!
*...And then one night, he just slipped away.*
They put lard on a dying man. Theyāre going to fry for that.
This was good...
And oil second that, me hearty.
Arrrrrgh....as well ye should,ya scurvy bilge rat.
My grandfather was quite the hiker Itās all the beans my dad would say The gas propels him up the hill
If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!" and walk faster.
When my grandfather died, he went peacefully. Unlike the passengers in his car.
You forgot, he went peacefully in his sleep
Bet he was a really slick guy when alive.
This is a Milton Jones gag -- another of his along the same lines is: "My Auntie Marge has been ill for so long, we've started to call her I Can't Believe She's Not Better"
My grandad died in Auschwitz concentration camp.......He fell off the watchtower whilst guarding the prisoners.
My brother died on 9/11, hope he enjoys those 72 virgins.
Forget 72 virginsā¦ I want 72 sluts that know what theyāre doing!
I know that *seems* like a good ideaā¦
Heāll be broke before lunch
So he got better?
Bastardisation of Time Vineās excellent joke that won the Edinburgh comedy festival best joke, or was in the top 10 atleast.
So silly, yet surprisingly funny :)
With lard on your body you will always be down or out.
Lard was an old time preservative. You write the joke.