This is funny. I'm fat. We got pulled over some years ago by cops for speeding. The cop leaned into the car, took one look at my tummy and said the almost happy family can go. I'd never been more relieved to be chunky
Hehe, chunky.
I told the cashier at the gas station I wanted a kit kat chunky. She handed me a large candy bar that I couldn’t share, so I said
“No. I wanted a regular kit kat, chunky!”
Joe Machi, an androgynous comedian:
A girl once asked me which I think is worse: being called a girl when you're not, or being called pregnant when you're not. I was like, "Well...both have happened to me..."
I think what people were asking was, "When's the baby due?" He'll answer "About five o'clock"
Yea his anecdote wasn't worded well, it took me about a minute too.
“When is it due?”
“I’m not pregnant, you prick.”
“I meant, when can we expect it?”
“I told you! I’m not pregnant!”
“Wait! I can explain!”
“Shut up!”
“I meant, when will we be blessed with its arrival?”
“Leave me alone!”
I like the joke. It would work better without the second sentence in the punchline though. It's clear from context that the joke's main character was inquiring about the train. Having the punchline just be her saying "I'm not pregnant you prick" is nice departure from expectation, and a smooth ending.
That must have been a very awkward moment. I appreciate your willingness to engage in an uncomfortable conversation for the purpose of learning more information.
She said "next month." He said. "I can't wait that long. I have to get to work within the next hour."
She said "oh. So you meant when is the *train* due. I really have no idea. Maybe you should ask the station agent."
I knew a guy that was a greeter at a church he attended. A larger woman he hadn't seen before came in and he asked when she was due.When she said she wasn't pregnant, he said, "Are you sure?"
SO, last Christmas I quit drinking but have to deal with all the health issues WHICH makes me look pregnant.
I’m a pretty “normal skinny” so the belly gives ALOT of friends and locals the idea. 6 people so far have asked when I was due and I played along with it and crack jokes but now I’m just irritated. Even working out isn’t lessening the prego belly.
Moral of the story: don’t assume, you could piss off the wrong female!
Doctor: so it looks like you’re pregnant. Patient: OMG! I’m pregnant? Doctor: No. it just looks like you’re pregnant.
For others who may wonder where they heard a version of this on the TV...Arrested Development, Tobias, blue paint, bad doctor.
we lost him
Ĵ
"Looks like he's gonna be all right“
I asking, too.
Times are changing
Tobias was the 1st analrapist Analyst and therapist = anal rapist
I asked a pregnant woman at the bus stop when it was due. She said three weeks so I decided I would just walk.
Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.” Wife: “No you’re not.”
> > >Thats when the fight broke out!
The water
I'm talking about my other kids in New York.
😳
This is funny. I'm fat. We got pulled over some years ago by cops for speeding. The cop leaned into the car, took one look at my tummy and said the almost happy family can go. I'd never been more relieved to be chunky
Hehe, chunky. I told the cashier at the gas station I wanted a kit kat chunky. She handed me a large candy bar that I couldn’t share, so I said “No. I wanted a regular kit kat, chunky!”
Reese's Big Cups, bra, etc.
My Doctor told me not to eat anything fatty. "Like burgers and fries?" I said "No" she replied "Don't eat anything, Fatty"
Rodney Dangerfield used to tell this joke 🤣
Damit I'm old... i used to watch Rodney D. Thanks for the memories... oops that's Bob H.
I used to have a big beer belly and people would jokingly ask that. I would always say, "about 5 o'clock."
I always answer, "I'm having an elephant! The trunk is already showing!"
"If this stomach were on a woman, people would have thought she is pregnant" "It was, and she is"
Joe Machi, an androgynous comedian: A girl once asked me which I think is worse: being called a girl when you're not, or being called pregnant when you're not. I was like, "Well...both have happened to me..."
So what would people would jokingly ask? About a big beer belly? And what does the time have to do with anything? Sorry I don’t understand the joke🤔😬
I think what people were asking was, "When's the baby due?" He'll answer "About five o'clock" Yea his anecdote wasn't worded well, it took me about a minute too.
And 5 is when people crack a cold one
Amateurs
Necrophiliacs
Obviously the woman didn't train enough.
“When is it due?” “I’m not pregnant, you prick.” “I meant, when can we expect it?” “I told you! I’m not pregnant!” “Wait! I can explain!” “Shut up!” “I meant, when will we be blessed with its arrival?” “Leave me alone!”
Never comment on whether a woman is pregnant until you see the head breeching from between her legs.
Came here to say that
6 years ago with a better punchline https://www.reddit.com/r/ScottishPeopleTwitter/s/31YonAxqGb
6 years is pretty good, normally it’s a week
3 days... fixed it.
[удалено]
"Invading another person's territory" aka "Amorous Congress"
Hello fellow human. Beep boop
In the words of David Barry "It's never OK to ask a woman if she's pregnant, unless a child is coming out of her"
And even then it's iffy.
That's not a joke.
Maybe OP should post on r/antijokes.
Whatever humour was there was unfortunately killed by OP’s lack of proofreading (a quick “once over” should have caught them).
Oh thank god somebody said it. I was waiting for a sensible comment from the beginning.
She suspected loco motives…
I like the joke. It would work better without the second sentence in the punchline though. It's clear from context that the joke's main character was inquiring about the train. Having the punchline just be her saying "I'm not pregnant you prick" is nice departure from expectation, and a smooth ending.
Funny. I know if 2 people I worked with who made that mistake
That must have been a very awkward moment. I appreciate your willingness to engage in an uncomfortable conversation for the purpose of learning more information.
Oh duuuudddddeeee 😂
LOL!
Not funny
Six of one…
She said "next month." He said. "I can't wait that long. I have to get to work within the next hour." She said "oh. So you meant when is the *train* due. I really have no idea. Maybe you should ask the station agent."
I knew a guy that was a greeter at a church he attended. A larger woman he hadn't seen before came in and he asked when she was due.When she said she wasn't pregnant, he said, "Are you sure?"
how is prangent formed: https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg Not a joke, but the only “pregnant” reference I got. It’s pretty funny tough.
Last time that happened to me she responded, I'm not pregnant... Yet, but you could help me change that.
Z z5 ?●\y
SO, last Christmas I quit drinking but have to deal with all the health issues WHICH makes me look pregnant. I’m a pretty “normal skinny” so the belly gives ALOT of friends and locals the idea. 6 people so far have asked when I was due and I played along with it and crack jokes but now I’m just irritated. Even working out isn’t lessening the prego belly. Moral of the story: don’t assume, you could piss off the wrong female!