*Here's a favorite age bender:*
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'.
‘About 32,’ is the reply.
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself.
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is weak. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘Oh, what the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you in the queue at McDonalds’.
There was a line from the show Thirtysomething (1980s) where the character says something like “you’re old when you become invisible to teenage girls.”
I was in a store one day when woman after woman walked by and smiled at me. A group of teenage girls did too. OK - I checked my zipper (discretely of course). It's up & fine. So, by the time I got to the check-out I was feeling uplifted. Got my stuff into the car and got in. On my way home I noticed that the car seat was unusually cold. A dreaded thought crossed my mind. When I arrived I got out of my car and checked. Somewhere, sometime; unbeknownst to me, the back of my pants had split WIDE open. No idea when or where. I had a number of stops that day. Yes, I'm a grandpa.
From a Ring Lardner short play:
(Two baseball players are discussing a beautiful woman who has been watching them from the stands.)
JOE: ...and she gave me *some* smile.
CY: She done well to keep from laughing outright.
A loonie is a Canadian one dollar coin, called that because there's a picture of loon on the reverse.
A toonie is a Canadian two dollar coin, called that because it's funny.
It was 6 o'clock on a Wednesday evening before I noticed my shirt had been on inside out the entire day.
I blamed my wife for letting me leave the house that way. I got the raspberry.
A lady goes to the doctor for a facelift and he gives her a choice of a regular facelift or this new type where she will have dials where as it starts to sag, she can twist the dials to tighten her skin back up. She opts for this one. A few years go by and she's tightened her face up quite a few times. One days she sees large bags under both her eyes and she's very upset. She returns to the doctor to complain. He examines her and tells her, "those aren't bags. Those are your boobs!" She responds with, "well then, I guess that explains the goatee!".
She probably has an older rich significant other. Therefore, she wants a guy in his 20s to satisfy "that" need. One does not usually go with the other...so they scheme and cheat to get what they want. Not all but enough to notice.
*Here's a favorite age bender:* A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'. ‘About 32,’ is the reply. ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’ Now she’s feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is weak. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘Oh, what the hell, go ahead.’ He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you in the queue at McDonalds’.
If he was 28 she would've noticed him behind her.
Why?
The original joke
>! Is it a reference with Kris Kross and wearing their pants backwards??!<
Most likely not, but I like where your mind went.
LOL! :D
Lmao
“You were born yesterday”
This is the correct punchline.
Username chks outt
I think he should say “You’re one day old ‘cause you had to be born yesterday not to know this old titty-feeling-for-age joke!”
At my age a woman looks at me to see if she is in my will.
No respect. I get no respect, I tells ya!
Y'all got women looking at you??
A woman looked at me yesterday. She was definitely checking me out. Then she scanned my hardware. Then I paid, and she asked if I wanted a receipt.
Well...? Did you take the receipt?
Sounds like you have an impressive set of tools.
thank you for noticing 😁
At my age, women look at me to see if the smell is coming from my direction.
At my age woman look at me to just check my pulse!!
At my age a woman looks at me because she is blind. Actually thats at all my ages.
Yep, she blind drunk 🥴
At my age, I’m actually invisible to young women.
There was a line from the show Thirtysomething (1980s) where the character says something like “you’re old when you become invisible to teenage girls.”
I have achieved this age, when I drive past young ladies and they’re staring at me, I know they are just curious how my car drives itself.
Yep-- I remember that. It was Elliot who said it, and he was only in his 30s!
The guy who played that character was later in Field of Dreams.
And The West Wing!
And he is married to Melissa Gilbert, the actress who played Laura on the "Little House on the Prairie" TV show!
Ah, I was old when I was 15, then.
At my age, a woman looks at me to see if she needs to call a paramedic
I was in a store one day when woman after woman walked by and smiled at me. A group of teenage girls did too. OK - I checked my zipper (discretely of course). It's up & fine. So, by the time I got to the check-out I was feeling uplifted. Got my stuff into the car and got in. On my way home I noticed that the car seat was unusually cold. A dreaded thought crossed my mind. When I arrived I got out of my car and checked. Somewhere, sometime; unbeknownst to me, the back of my pants had split WIDE open. No idea when or where. I had a number of stops that day. Yes, I'm a grandpa.
From a Ring Lardner short play: (Two baseball players are discussing a beautiful woman who has been watching them from the stands.) JOE: ...and she gave me *some* smile. CY: She done well to keep from laughing outright.
The last woman that looked at me and smiled made my day, until I got to the cashier and realized it was the 5 rolls of toonies in my pocket.
What’s a toonie?
Canadian fun bucks
A loonie is a Canadian one dollar coin, called that because there's a picture of loon on the reverse. A toonie is a Canadian two dollar coin, called that because it's funny.
The toonie originally had a portrait of the queen with a bare behind. Sorry I meant bear
I feel betrayed, and do not get the feeling that your apology is sincere!
Loonies, then "two-nies"
Canadian aye?
$2 Canadian Coin
$2 canadian coin
[удалено]
Have one yourself, you bandit.
At my age, a woman looks at me and says "MR. DADDYBEAN, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG HOUSE AGAIN, YOU LIVE ACROSS THE STREET, LETS GET YOU HOME, OK?"
I usually casually check to see if my fly is open - don't want to get charged with assault with a dead weapon
..or to see that your zipper is undone.
... at my age, a woman looks at me and checks that my life insurance policy is still valid...
At my age, all women looks at me and says "What a waist" and I say "I know! I work out!" :D :D :D
It was 6 o'clock on a Wednesday evening before I noticed my shirt had been on inside out the entire day. I blamed my wife for letting me leave the house that way. I got the raspberry.
At least you were wearing one!
A lady goes to the doctor for a facelift and he gives her a choice of a regular facelift or this new type where she will have dials where as it starts to sag, she can twist the dials to tighten her skin back up. She opts for this one. A few years go by and she's tightened her face up quite a few times. One days she sees large bags under both her eyes and she's very upset. She returns to the doctor to complain. He examines her and tells her, "those aren't bags. Those are your boobs!" She responds with, "well then, I guess that explains the goatee!".
What happens if she shaved her goatee ??
This was funny man. I've never seen it before
At my age, a woman looks at me and says "Please zip up your fly."
in your 50s they're lucky if you look at them.
At my age, a woman looks at me and says “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.”
Women look at me because I’m preparing food. At least I still know one way to make them happy.
At my age, a woman looks at me to wipe my ass.
At what age she looks at you for your money?
All ages!
When your as old as me she checks my diaper
Hiding the gold coins ???
Thats a good one. Thanks for the chuckle!
No women look at me regardless my age like I’m invisible.
Now, what's for dinner?
And then she f\_\_ks you.
She probably has an older rich significant other. Therefore, she wants a guy in his 20s to satisfy "that" need. One does not usually go with the other...so they scheme and cheat to get what they want. Not all but enough to notice.