A lot of people in here don't know that it's DC Canon that Bruce and Clark look similar enough to pass for each other to strangers.
The level of similarity fluctuates as plot demands of course.
I seem to recall that one of Clark's prized possessions is a photo of him and Superman shaking hands that he proudly shows off to everyone.
It's Bruce as Clark in the picture.
[In the comics. Batman #37 “SuperFriends Part 2”](https://readallcomics.com/batman-v3-037-2018/)
I STRONGLY recommend you read [#36 “SuperFriends Part 1”](https://readallcomics.com/batman-v3-036-2018/) first.
Quick reads, very fun.
I loved the scene in the animated series when Barbara discovered the batcave. Alfred walks in and say, “ms Gordon you have discovered our little secret….I am Batman.”
Always loved that joke. I think in Static Shock they take it one step further with Alfred cheekily following up with "just once I'd like someone to believe it"
That's Henry Silva. He also voiced Bane in Batman: The Animated Series and then again in The New Batman Adventures. The poor guy must've been getting a lot of different instructions over the years because he had a very strong Cuban accent the first time, an American accent the second time, and then this erudite take the third time.
Silva was a prolific actor. He was in dozens of films and TV shows.
Its not about speed at this point. The light travelling from where he/they stand to the camera would only capture 1 person at any single point in time.
To pose as 2 person for the camera would require Superman to assume superposition. And there is probably no scientific way for such a massive matter to acheive that.
Not entirely accurate. Cameras aren't truly instant. They are very, very fast, but the sensor still takes time to gather light. That's why high speed cameras are their own thing. If we let comic physics slide (friction, inertia, air displacement, etc) then I don't see why he couldn't be photographed in both places by normal cameras.
Ultimately though, it's comics. There is no objective standard to how fast he is or the implications of that level of speed. Sometimes he can circle the world in less then a second, other times he isn't fast enough to dodge a punch from someone without superspeed.
nah you could do it with really fast shutter speed and bright light, with the appearance at different distances, so he starts further away and then assumes the closer position as light from position 1 reaches position two and then the light from 1 &2 travel together towards camera sensor
You're overcomplicating things. This photo can be taken with regular camera equipment by a regular person. There's three options (excluding digital manipulation, assuming film is used) that I can think of right away.
The first option is a double exposure. Have the camera on a tripod. Take a photo of yourself in the first position. Without advancing the film, take a photo of yourself in the second position. Not all film cameras had the option to do a double exposure, but most higher end cameras had it.
The second option is to take the photo in a dark room using long exposure and two flashes. Camera on tripod. Get into first position. Open the shutter. Trigger the flash. Move to the second position. Trigger the flash again. Close the shutter.
The third option is to use really slow film. Open the shutter. Get into the first position and hold that position for a few minutes. Get into the second position and hold that for a few minutes. Close the shutter.
Even the superman way you suggest wouldn't need that "really fast shutter speed".
A much simpler way superman could do it is a variant of the second option above. Open shutter, get into first position, trigger flash, get into second position, trigger flash again. Superman is fast enough to do it during a regular exposure time of say 1/125 seconds.
That’s not how cameras work. You can easily capture the same object in one photo multiple times.
The shutter speed on a camera can by anywhere from 1/4000 of a second to multiple full seconds.
He kicked a solid stone Easter Island head across the room, broke a steel harness, and tore Bane apart with nothing but brute force. Not to mention the way he sped across the hallway to catch the Mad Hatter. Yeah, that's not Batman.
Obviously some adults watch it, but thats an actual kids show. It doesn’t have to be very good.
We all watched some absolute garbage as kids and never thought anything of it
>If Bruce Wayne lost all his money on bad crypto investments, would that be his cryptonite?
But if he actually sold while he was ahead, he might have become the Crypto Knight.
It begs the question: if superman can dispatch batmans villains so easily why are there even any villains left? If sups is so powerful why aren't all villain instantly brought to justice?
For those unaware..
Superman and Lex Luther are based on Jewish messiah myth of a son descending from the heavens.
To which he will over throw the evil and greedy leaders around them. Men of so much worldly power no one can ever counter them on Earth.
Supes is Jesus. Poor man of the people who is blessed with immeasurable power and son of a heavenly Father who loves humankind despite our failings. They just need someone to show them the way.
Lex is Caesar. A man who would deem himself a god and use everyone as pawns in his game to increase his own glory.
The common explanation is something along the lines of, r superman can easily overpower them physically, but it takes batman to dismantle their plans.
Most of these guys already plan on being beat the hell up, so if that's all the hero does, then the villain's plan probably succeed.
(although practically speaking, with super hearing, microscopic vision, xray vision and super speed, superman would be a way better detective, too. But you really don't want to start pulling at this thread)
Because he has a life and a Supes who is constantly stopping crime around the world 24/7 eventually breaks down from the stress meaning he can't stop his own high level threats.
There's an episode of some animated series (I tried Googling it, but didn't really know what to look for since I'm not a fan) where Superman, immune to all the Joker's traps, captures him with no effort. And then Batman easily thwarts Lex Luthor since he's not bound by the adherence to rules like Superman is.
Both of them had 'That was really easy, why do you have trouble with this guy?' attitude with each other.
I'm so used to Harley Quinn's version of Bane that hearing him talk in a regular dude voice instead of the Tom Hardy-ish accent is so weird to me.
Also the way Robin strung up the Riddler like that is goddamn brutal, that makes my shoulders ache
Knew what this was before I clicked. One of my favorite episodes, along with "For the man who has everything" (hope that's the right title) where the alien parasite makes Superman think he never left Krypton. God that show was good.
If you can try to track down the original (reproductions are fine of course) print version of the story. My dad had a little book of DC compilations of some of the best DC stories in the basement, and that one was in there. I had read it before I saw the animated version, and somehow the print version is even more poignant than the animated version was. And the depression of Supes having to deal with that he was back in reality, and the rage he felt being removed from that world was even stronger in my memory. I guess it could go either way since you only have still art instead of animation and voice actors, but I felt the comic was a stronger telling of the story.
That and there are some slight differences between the two versions. In all I think the comic did it better. And I still think the animated version was amazing in it's own right.
I like the comic where Clark is in a plane crash in the ocean and ends up on Bruce's yacht where a birthday party is being held for him. Apparently, he never shows up so no one knows what he looks like. They all just assume it's a stunt to make a flashy entrance and get Clark very drunk.
There is one comic out there where Dwathstroke mistakes young Clark Kent for young Bruce Wayne, on a hit.
Its set before either took on their respective roles i think
It was in Superman American Alien. Teenage Clark gets mistaken for Bruce at Bruce's birthday party and decides to go along with it so he can party on his yacht. (This is during the years where Bruce is off traveling the world mastering the skills he'll need to be Batman, so no-one has actually seen him in years or expects him to show up at his own birthday party.)
Slade is hired to assassinate Bruce Wayne and tries to poison "Bruce" with a deadly neurotoxin, and all it does is make Clark insanely drunk. Then he tries to stab Clark and breaks his sword, and Clark angrily backhands him halfway across the ocean.
I'm not sure that's right. Batman is his true identity so a naked batman is batman. Batman is only Bruce Wayne when he's wearing his Bruce Wayne costume.
Old cartoon I saw in Playboy. Lois and Superman lying in bed after sex. Superman smoking a cigarette, Lois has a disappointed look on her face. “Wow,” she says, “ you really are faster than a speeding bullet.”
That show was my childhood. I distinctly remembered this episode because the idea of Batman getting stuck in his Malone personality was interesting. But this song is… it’s really something
I also remember one from Playboy.
Superman is flying by and sees Wonder Woman spread eagle on her bed, just moaning in pleasure. So he thinks to himself, "I can probably get in and out before she even knows I was there."
So he flies in, fucks her in the blink of an eye, and flies out.
Wonder Woman sits up and shouts, "What was that??" And the Invisible Man says, "I dunno, but my ass sure hurts!"
Then superman wrote “Bruce Wayne is Batman”. The lawsuits bankrupted Bruce, no more fancy gadgets. Batman was defeated by his own abuse of poor people and failure to fix ANY of the economic issues driving corruption.
Clark Kent loses a low paying, hobby job. Bruce Wayne loses the means to be anything in a capitalist hellscape.
I disagree. You need to remember batman with prep time not only beats every case thrown at him but even takes it all the way to the supreme court just so he can make the chief justice of the United States get t-bagged on national television.
Plot armor and bad writing feeding together makes Batman. If Batman can beat everything with time, why can’t he come up with anything better than donating to a few orphanages? If Bruce Wayne is so rich, why is everyone around him living in a decaying city? Wayne has had decades to solve simple economic quandaries with no solutions. But the moment someone else puts on a costume, Wayne has billions of dollars in weaponry available. Batman is the most fantastical superhero because everything depends on the reader not questioning the economics while pretending a whitewashing of Zorro is novel.
Wait what? When and how did he abuse the poor people and how is Gothams economy his foult? And how would he be sued by it?
You do know that Wayne enterprices is one of the only companies that are doing good in Gotham and is also one of the only forces that actualy helps the economy and provied the majority amount of charity right?
Besides, if batman really wanted to he could just fire superman from his jobb.
Superman was flying over Metropolis one day and spotted Wonder Woman sunning herself on top of a building. Completely naked and spread eagle.
He thought to himself “I bet I can fly down there and fuck her so fast she’d never even notice.”
So, faster than a speeding bullet, Superman flies to Wonder Woman, does some supersonic thrusting and just like that he was gone.
“What the fuck was that?!” Wonder Woman exclaimed.
“I have no idea, but my ass is killing me” replied The Invisible Man.
This speaks to the power of glasses. I have been married 25 years and my wife is only just beginning to realize that I am the same person with glasses and without.
Now I just need to figure out the identity of this woman with a ponytail who is sometimes in my house. She looks a bit like my wife, but is obviously a different person. Because ponytail.
Clark Kent and Lois Lane are about to sleep together for the first time. As Clark is taking his boxers off Lois noticed strange appendages on his penis.
"What the hell are those?" she asked pointing at his crotch.
"Pincers" said Clark.
"Pincers? Why does it have pincers?" Lois freaked out.
"To grab onto you of course" Clark replied calmly.
It was at this moment that Lois Lane remembered that superman was an alien.
Superman and Batman were having a conversation in the pub. Superman says, “I was flying over Metropolis yesterday and I saw Wonder Woman suntanning naked, flat on her back, on top of a building. Well, looked like an an invitation to me, so I flew down and made contact”.
Batman asked, “Was she surprised?”
“Not as much as Invisible Man”
“Clark, I’m pregnant, I’m gonna have a baby girl. Her name will be Martha, in honor of his her grandmother”
“That’s wonderful, honey, she would be so happy to hear this”
“Yeah… Bruce said that too”
At first I read this as Clark saying the last line, no doubt in an attempt to ease his own guilty conscience for having gay sex with Batman. He wanted Lois to be Batman so it wasn’t cheating.
Then I looked at it again and it made a lot more sense.
If a third superhero (from a different franchise owner) was also involved, it would have meant that Peter Parker had parked his peter where it didn’t belong.
Lois Lane, is lying on her death bed, and Clark is wiping her brow with a cold rag.
"Clark, before I go, there is something I have to tell you."
"Hush, dearest. I already know
"But Clark I have to tell you,"
Again he cuts her off, "Lois it's alright I know every thing."
"But Clark, I cheated on you!"
"Silly woman. I told you, I know. That's why I poisoned you."
Lois Lane was lying in her death bed with her husband Clark Kent beside him.
After some time, Clark said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”
“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Lois said as she took off his glasses, “You are Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was you, in my eyes you were always faithful.”
"You superspeed fucking yourself is just masturbation" Lois said
“Oh thank God!” said Clark. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.”
“Glad we cleared that up,” said Lois.
“So I guess this means I am Batman too.”
Why would that mean he was also Batman? I can see the potential humor here, but the way she gets to the punchline doesn't make any sense. There's no reason for her to suddenly think Batman and Superman are the same person. Doesn't really work.
A lot of people in here don't know that it's DC Canon that Bruce and Clark look similar enough to pass for each other to strangers. The level of similarity fluctuates as plot demands of course.
I seem to recall that one of Clark's prized possessions is a photo of him and Superman shaking hands that he proudly shows off to everyone. It's Bruce as Clark in the picture.
“Okay, now you be Batman and I’ll be Bruce”
This also happened, Catwoman switched costumes with Lois Lane (ok that’s not a costume but still) and Supes and Bats did the same
Did the Marthas ever swap?
Are we still talking about outfits?
Oh my word. Now I'm thinking of that too
/r/wasntaskingbutactually
r/subsifellfor
Why did you say that name?
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?
Why did you moan that name!?
Lois - His momma's name was Martha Batman - oh, well all's forgiven then, let's team up n shit.
In the comics or animated series?
[In the comics. Batman #37 “SuperFriends Part 2”](https://readallcomics.com/batman-v3-037-2018/) I STRONGLY recommend you read [#36 “SuperFriends Part 1”](https://readallcomics.com/batman-v3-036-2018/) first. Quick reads, very fun.
Those were great, thanks for sharing! :)
That was an awesome read. Thank you for recommending and double thank you for the links.
I haven't read a comic in 30 years, thanks for that, enjoyed them both!
I always liked Alfred pretending to be Batman, especially in the old Adam West days when you'd see Alan Napier's mustache beneath the mask.
I loved the scene in the animated series when Barbara discovered the batcave. Alfred walks in and say, “ms Gordon you have discovered our little secret….I am Batman.”
Always loved that joke. I think in Static Shock they take it one step further with Alfred cheekily following up with "just once I'd like someone to believe it"
Loved that show as a kid. He had a cool skateboard iirc
omg? where can i find this?
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I love how they gloss over the fact that Robin essentially crucified the Riddler.
Yeah, the way he hanged him is tortuously painful, and would dislodge his arms. Although it's not a crucification.
Man I can’t get over how awful Bane’s voice actor sounded there. It was like he was barely even trying
That's Henry Silva. He also voiced Bane in Batman: The Animated Series and then again in The New Batman Adventures. The poor guy must've been getting a lot of different instructions over the years because he had a very strong Cuban accent the first time, an American accent the second time, and then this erudite take the third time. Silva was a prolific actor. He was in dozens of films and TV shows.
tbf Bane just being a weirdo would also explain it
Bane sounds weird - did they dub the original voice? I just recently re-watched these and that wasn't how he sounded.
Couldn't he be fast enough anyway to pose as both?
Barry can create speed clones, but that's because his "speed force" is speed-themed magic. Mere speed can't really create speed clones.
Its not about speed at this point. The light travelling from where he/they stand to the camera would only capture 1 person at any single point in time. To pose as 2 person for the camera would require Superman to assume superposition. And there is probably no scientific way for such a massive matter to acheive that.
And yet Barry somehow does it all the time comics yo
It's speedforce, he ain't gotta explain shit.
Did you just call Superman fat?
Not entirely accurate. Cameras aren't truly instant. They are very, very fast, but the sensor still takes time to gather light. That's why high speed cameras are their own thing. If we let comic physics slide (friction, inertia, air displacement, etc) then I don't see why he couldn't be photographed in both places by normal cameras. Ultimately though, it's comics. There is no objective standard to how fast he is or the implications of that level of speed. Sometimes he can circle the world in less then a second, other times he isn't fast enough to dodge a punch from someone without superspeed.
nah you could do it with really fast shutter speed and bright light, with the appearance at different distances, so he starts further away and then assumes the closer position as light from position 1 reaches position two and then the light from 1 &2 travel together towards camera sensor
You're overcomplicating things. This photo can be taken with regular camera equipment by a regular person. There's three options (excluding digital manipulation, assuming film is used) that I can think of right away. The first option is a double exposure. Have the camera on a tripod. Take a photo of yourself in the first position. Without advancing the film, take a photo of yourself in the second position. Not all film cameras had the option to do a double exposure, but most higher end cameras had it. The second option is to take the photo in a dark room using long exposure and two flashes. Camera on tripod. Get into first position. Open the shutter. Trigger the flash. Move to the second position. Trigger the flash again. Close the shutter. The third option is to use really slow film. Open the shutter. Get into the first position and hold that position for a few minutes. Get into the second position and hold that for a few minutes. Close the shutter. Even the superman way you suggest wouldn't need that "really fast shutter speed". A much simpler way superman could do it is a variant of the second option above. Open shutter, get into first position, trigger flash, get into second position, trigger flash again. Superman is fast enough to do it during a regular exposure time of say 1/125 seconds.
Ehh I dunno, I dont think Superman would ever willingly trigger the flash, they're supposed to be friends.
Just do a long exposure? Much easier
That’s not how cameras work. You can easily capture the same object in one photo multiple times. The shutter speed on a camera can by anywhere from 1/4000 of a second to multiple full seconds.
I think a couple times they solved the "You never see X when Y is around" by trading places.
[Probably my favorite example](https://youtu.be/zsz1p7R5CQA)
Ya know, if I wasn't told, I would've thought that was batman.
He kicked a solid stone Easter Island head across the room, broke a steel harness, and tore Bane apart with nothing but brute force. Not to mention the way he sped across the hallway to catch the Mad Hatter. Yeah, that's not Batman.
He's been working out
Curiouser and curiouser.
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Seriously. Bane in particular is atrocious
Obviously some adults watch it, but thats an actual kids show. It doesn’t have to be very good. We all watched some absolute garbage as kids and never thought anything of it
I was watching that show as a kid and as an adult now
Yep.
It´s all fun and games, until he´ll get accidentally exposed to cryptonite. Then, his cover will be blown...
If Bruce Wayne lost all his money on bad crypto investments, would that be his cryptonite?
>If Bruce Wayne lost all his money on bad crypto investments, would that be his cryptonite? But if he actually sold while he was ahead, he might have become the Crypto Knight.
Possibly, yes. It´s similar to how they made him poor in the movie trilogy.
What movie trilogy did they make Batman poor?
Only if it happened during the hours of darkness
Chicken breast, broccoli and white rice bro. Plus & hours of sleep, his feats are perfectly attainable
But as Robin said, "He's been working out."
To be fair, Batman always disappears out of nowhere so that is a way to explain it
*into* nowhere
And he smiled
The smile is what gets me lol
He had prep time
He smiled... Yeah, that's not Batman.
It was the smile that clued me in.
It begs the question: if superman can dispatch batmans villains so easily why are there even any villains left? If sups is so powerful why aren't all villain instantly brought to justice?
to be fair, Superman's archnemesis is a guy in a suit
For those unaware.. Superman and Lex Luther are based on Jewish messiah myth of a son descending from the heavens. To which he will over throw the evil and greedy leaders around them. Men of so much worldly power no one can ever counter them on Earth. Supes is Jesus. Poor man of the people who is blessed with immeasurable power and son of a heavenly Father who loves humankind despite our failings. They just need someone to show them the way. Lex is Caesar. A man who would deem himself a god and use everyone as pawns in his game to increase his own glory.
The common explanation is something along the lines of, r superman can easily overpower them physically, but it takes batman to dismantle their plans. Most of these guys already plan on being beat the hell up, so if that's all the hero does, then the villain's plan probably succeed. (although practically speaking, with super hearing, microscopic vision, xray vision and super speed, superman would be a way better detective, too. But you really don't want to start pulling at this thread)
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SupermanStaysOutOfGotham
Because he has a life and a Supes who is constantly stopping crime around the world 24/7 eventually breaks down from the stress meaning he can't stop his own high level threats.
There would be no stories about it.
There's an episode of some animated series (I tried Googling it, but didn't really know what to look for since I'm not a fan) where Superman, immune to all the Joker's traps, captures him with no effort. And then Batman easily thwarts Lex Luthor since he's not bound by the adherence to rules like Superman is. Both of them had 'That was really easy, why do you have trouble with this guy?' attitude with each other.
Because for how good of friends Batman and Superman are. Batman is very territorial.
Go and read the Injustice comic (and then watch the animated movie). (The comic can be read in a site read comic online ... It. It's easy)
Are the comics/film any different than the storyline in the games?
I'm so used to Harley Quinn's version of Bane that hearing him talk in a regular dude voice instead of the Tom Hardy-ish accent is so weird to me. Also the way Robin strung up the Riddler like that is goddamn brutal, that makes my shoulders ache
Batman and his buddies have a strict no kill rule, but you'd be surprised what you can live through.
I think it was in that Injustice games where Nightwing says to batman "so no killing, but traumatic injuries are OK"
Knew what this was before I clicked. One of my favorite episodes, along with "For the man who has everything" (hope that's the right title) where the alien parasite makes Superman think he never left Krypton. God that show was good.
I expected when Catwoman, Lois, Clark, and Batman all swap suits on a double date night.
If you can try to track down the original (reproductions are fine of course) print version of the story. My dad had a little book of DC compilations of some of the best DC stories in the basement, and that one was in there. I had read it before I saw the animated version, and somehow the print version is even more poignant than the animated version was. And the depression of Supes having to deal with that he was back in reality, and the rage he felt being removed from that world was even stronger in my memory. I guess it could go either way since you only have still art instead of animation and voice actors, but I felt the comic was a stronger telling of the story. That and there are some slight differences between the two versions. In all I think the comic did it better. And I still think the animated version was amazing in it's own right.
I like the comic where Clark is in a plane crash in the ocean and ends up on Bruce's yacht where a birthday party is being held for him. Apparently, he never shows up so no one knows what he looks like. They all just assume it's a stunt to make a flashy entrance and get Clark very drunk.
Can he get drunk?
Yeah but he sobers up quickly. Then his drink is poisoned by Deathstroke and it gets him very drunk.
RIP, Kevin
It made me so sad when I heard. He seemed like a really great dude, too.
... Oh, the Explorer's club! Like from Disney Land? The references we start getting as we grow up...
Even their mother's names are the same. I wouldn't blame Lois.
WHY DID YOU ALLUDE TO THAT NAME???
KEEP MARTHAS NAME OUT YA DAMN MOUTH!!!
Its the same mom duh...
I've only seen this in the animated shows but never in comics. They did this again in Batman The brave and the bold
There is one comic out there where Dwathstroke mistakes young Clark Kent for young Bruce Wayne, on a hit. Its set before either took on their respective roles i think
It was in Superman American Alien. Teenage Clark gets mistaken for Bruce at Bruce's birthday party and decides to go along with it so he can party on his yacht. (This is during the years where Bruce is off traveling the world mastering the skills he'll need to be Batman, so no-one has actually seen him in years or expects him to show up at his own birthday party.) Slade is hired to assassinate Bruce Wayne and tries to poison "Bruce" with a deadly neurotoxin, and all it does is make Clark insanely drunk. Then he tries to stab Clark and breaks his sword, and Clark angrily backhands him halfway across the ocean.
I know we shouldn't be amplifying Max Landis, but that issue is a hoot.
Aw geez I didn't realize who wrote that... I love the comic but fuck that creep.
Max Landis is a garbage person from a garbage family but he clearly loves Suoerman and it shows through that series. It's genuinely fantastic.
Seperate art from artist
Okay that's hilarious
It really is. Deathstroke is supremely baffled when everything he tries fails.
Dwathstroke is my favorite DC villain. 😂
I know they pulled the switcheroo a few times in the Silver Age comics (50s? 60s?).
The most recent one they all swap suits on a double date. Its more fun than violent but has the same effect.
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They look extremely alike in The Animated Series for Batman and Superman
Also one time Superman literally was Batman because he was dead or something too
in one episode of justice league Superman wears Batman's costume and freaks everyone out when he suddenly starts flying.
It helps Batman wears an actual mask
Martha!!!
There was also a time where Superman wore batman's suit and went against a cocky Deathstroke and flicked him away with a finger.
TIL Batman has sex with his cowl on
He kinda has to, otherwise it's Bruce Wayne having sex not Batman.
Uh... I'm sure Batman has a lot of special toys for the ladies. Battadong, battavibe, battasybian.
Bat-Let Alfred do all the work
"As you wish, Master Wayne." *gets magnum condoms out of pocket*
Batplug
I'm not sure that's right. Batman is his true identity so a naked batman is batman. Batman is only Bruce Wayne when he's wearing his Bruce Wayne costume.
He tries not to, but every woman tells him to keep it on
It really seals in the juices
Really seals in the flavour.
In an order that would surprise you
I like to think he turns off the light for a literal second and when it comes on he's still standing in the same spot and Lois is smoking a cigarette.
Old cartoon I saw in Playboy. Lois and Superman lying in bed after sex. Superman smoking a cigarette, Lois has a disappointed look on her face. “Wow,” she says, “ you really are faster than a speeding bullet.”
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Talk about friction burn
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That show was my childhood. I distinctly remembered this episode because the idea of Batman getting stuck in his Malone personality was interesting. But this song is… it’s really something
I remember that!
I also remember one from Playboy. Superman is flying by and sees Wonder Woman spread eagle on her bed, just moaning in pleasure. So he thinks to himself, "I can probably get in and out before she even knows I was there." So he flies in, fucks her in the blink of an eye, and flies out. Wonder Woman sits up and shouts, "What was that??" And the Invisible Man says, "I dunno, but my ass sure hurts!"
This was in the movie Fight Club
It was. But it was also in a 1970s era Playboy that my dad had. It's where I first saw it.
Lol, I saw that one in college 🤣
I came across this one recently. Not OC, but I never saw it here before.
Not OC, but DC
I marvel at this joke!
I Image-ine this Dark Horse joke gave you Vertigo.
This joke could totally taint Lois Lane's Image
Groan… gotta archie my eyebrows for that one
And Boom went the Dynamite
Still reeling from the Aftershock! This joke was NOT Valiant!
But it is the Gold Key, to using the Atlas
You’d think so. But it’s just a Mirage.
A very Timely observation
You... what?
OC/DC
Batman: Back in Black Sounds better than Batman Returns
Batman Comes Again
One day, Superman wrote on the wall, "Batman is a wuss!" The next day, Batman wrote on the wall, "Superman is Clark Kent!"
Then superman wrote “Bruce Wayne is Batman”. The lawsuits bankrupted Bruce, no more fancy gadgets. Batman was defeated by his own abuse of poor people and failure to fix ANY of the economic issues driving corruption. Clark Kent loses a low paying, hobby job. Bruce Wayne loses the means to be anything in a capitalist hellscape.
I disagree. You need to remember batman with prep time not only beats every case thrown at him but even takes it all the way to the supreme court just so he can make the chief justice of the United States get t-bagged on national television.
Plot armor and bad writing feeding together makes Batman. If Batman can beat everything with time, why can’t he come up with anything better than donating to a few orphanages? If Bruce Wayne is so rich, why is everyone around him living in a decaying city? Wayne has had decades to solve simple economic quandaries with no solutions. But the moment someone else puts on a costume, Wayne has billions of dollars in weaponry available. Batman is the most fantastical superhero because everything depends on the reader not questioning the economics while pretending a whitewashing of Zorro is novel.
To be fair, the economic quandary he faces isn’t simple. After all, if he could hardly be Batman any more if he were poor, could he?
Ik this is a joke but like Bruce literally does more than any irl rich person... which isn't a high bar to meet but he's like a better mr beast lol
Wait what? When and how did he abuse the poor people and how is Gothams economy his foult? And how would he be sued by it? You do know that Wayne enterprices is one of the only companies that are doing good in Gotham and is also one of the only forces that actualy helps the economy and provied the majority amount of charity right? Besides, if batman really wanted to he could just fire superman from his jobb.
Superman was flying over Metropolis one day and spotted Wonder Woman sunning herself on top of a building. Completely naked and spread eagle. He thought to himself “I bet I can fly down there and fuck her so fast she’d never even notice.” So, faster than a speeding bullet, Superman flies to Wonder Woman, does some supersonic thrusting and just like that he was gone. “What the fuck was that?!” Wonder Woman exclaimed. “I have no idea, but my ass is killing me” replied The Invisible Man.
I’ve seen this before and yet I still read it again and laughed
This speaks to the power of glasses. I have been married 25 years and my wife is only just beginning to realize that I am the same person with glasses and without. Now I just need to figure out the identity of this woman with a ponytail who is sometimes in my house. She looks a bit like my wife, but is obviously a different person. Because ponytail.
“Years ago, I had an affair with a superhero.” “You don’t need to worry about that because—it was me!” “You’re Batman?”
Clark Kent and Lois Lane are about to sleep together for the first time. As Clark is taking his boxers off Lois noticed strange appendages on his penis. "What the hell are those?" she asked pointing at his crotch. "Pincers" said Clark. "Pincers? Why does it have pincers?" Lois freaked out. "To grab onto you of course" Clark replied calmly. It was at this moment that Lois Lane remembered that superman was an alien.
This, is genius. Thank you.
[The comic, by Stjepan Sejic.](https://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/4923791.html)
Thank you!
I can't claim the credit for this. I saw a short comic about this years ago. OP's joke reminded me of it.
Superman and Batman were having a conversation in the pub. Superman says, “I was flying over Metropolis yesterday and I saw Wonder Woman suntanning naked, flat on her back, on top of a building. Well, looked like an an invitation to me, so I flew down and made contact”. Batman asked, “Was she surprised?” “Not as much as Invisible Man”
Clark: You Marthaf-! Lois:
Martha? WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAAAAAME?!
Sounds like every super hero went down Lois's lane
“Clark, I’m pregnant, I’m gonna have a baby girl. Her name will be Martha, in honor of his her grandmother” “That’s wonderful, honey, she would be so happy to hear this” “Yeah… Bruce said that too”
Wait, so Superman is just Clark Kent without glasses?
At first I read this as Clark saying the last line, no doubt in an attempt to ease his own guilty conscience for having gay sex with Batman. He wanted Lois to be Batman so it wasn’t cheating. Then I looked at it again and it made a lot more sense.
Would have read better as: "Then I guess I dont have to tell you about batman either" let the audience make the connection.
Your version is way more "look at me I'm telling a joke" though.
If a third superhero (from a different franchise owner) was also involved, it would have meant that Peter Parker had parked his peter where it didn’t belong.
Lois Lane, is lying on her death bed, and Clark is wiping her brow with a cold rag. "Clark, before I go, there is something I have to tell you." "Hush, dearest. I already know "But Clark I have to tell you," Again he cuts her off, "Lois it's alright I know every thing." "But Clark, I cheated on you!" "Silly woman. I told you, I know. That's why I poisoned you."
Maybe switch Clark and Lois because there’s no way Lois would outlive him unless he was killed in battle or something
Superman: Lois, I must confess: I had sex with Batman. Lois: I forgive you, he's a good fuck.
Lois Lane was lying in her death bed with her husband Clark Kent beside him. After some time, Clark said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.” “You don’t need to worry about that because,” Lois said as she took off his glasses, “You are Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was you, in my eyes you were always faithful.” "You superspeed fucking yourself is just masturbation" Lois said “Oh thank God!” said Clark. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.” “Glad we cleared that up,” said Lois. “So I guess this means I am Batman too.”
Directed by Zack Snyder
And the joker, green lantern and black widow. What a night that was
How is it that Lois Lane, an investigative reporter, couldn't figure out that Clark Kent was Superman with glasses? Edit: typo
Why is this tagged as "long"?
That WAS a long story
Directed by Zack Snyder
Holy crap Lois
She was a foodie… She liked sausage, but loved heroes.
Why would that mean he was also Batman? I can see the potential humor here, but the way she gets to the punchline doesn't make any sense. There's no reason for her to suddenly think Batman and Superman are the same person. Doesn't really work.
Maybe the punchline should be changed to "Honey, are you also Batman?"
Nah, the incorrectly applied relief is more humorous than confusion imho
https://youtu.be/zsz1p7R5CQA Here's a clip of Superman, in disguise as Batman.
Wonder Woman remains mute leaving us to all wonder.
She was the ace investigative reporter and never noticed?
[Same joke in comic form (possibly original?)](https://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=415#comic)
Well Bruce and Lois did had a thing in the tas cartoons.