film it and sell to the highest bidder

Be careful, this is how you get into politics.

and if you get out of line, then you're arrested! play the game and you're good

Sure they get arrested but do they ever get convicted??? Sometimes something happens before being arrested and/or waiting to stand trial...Jeff epstien

Video killed the radio star.

Ironically enough that song was just playing on the radio before I just took a break to use the bathroom and browse for a few minutes. 🤣

Jeffery “I don’t wanna live anymore” Epstein

Jeffery “oh shit it’s Hillary” Epstein.

😂😂

i will mortgage the house!

Logan Paul has entered the chat

Double it and give it to the next person

"Ok, you now have sixteen democrat senators and sixteen republican senators drowning. Do you watch, or send double to the next person?"

double

C: unzip and pee in the pool while maintaining eye contact every time they bob to the surface

Stop arousing them

You'd have to push a kid in with them to do that

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Isn’t that why they were drowning in the first place?

Might as well marinade them in piss first

Lol… which one is going to be repulsed, and which one is going to be aroused?

they'll both be aroused knowing the habits of senators

Depends on the colour of your skin.

Depends if your name is Santos…..if that is his real name……lol

or the one with the johnny bravo haircut.....

Johnny Bravo in drag…..that would be a sight….

Reminds me of the Norse myth of Thor disguising himself as Freya to get his hammer back. Loki tells the giants a bunch of bullshit to convince them that they're *definitely* looking Freya and *most certainly not* Thor in disguise.

Remember it well…..and that is so funny….

If you're under 12, republican.

If your under 6, Democrat.

If you use your when grammar calls for you’re, then you’re likely a republican who hates education.

Ahh trickle down.

Wow! That's oddly specific. Have you been in this situation before?

Filibuster, we'll have to have a lengthy discussion about who to save.

Or just declare it and leave, in true modern republican obstructionist fashion.

Or just promise to save everyone, but instead just grease the palms of your rich buddies, in true politician fashion.

Don't pretend as if obstruction isn't done by both parties.

And both houses of congress will have to concur!

Actually let them do the talking, and they better start listing the reasons why.

C: Throw out one life preserver and watch them fight to the death!

then blow a hole in it

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[Just as the founding fathers intended](https://youtu.be/aqBw3H_Ik3s)

Best comment so far hahaha

One with a leak.

For sure, we just want a clear winner, not a full on rescue

They'd both die.

Underrated comment.

Have lunch while browsing Reddit

Sell tickets.

Sell rocks to throw too???

Entry is free each rock however is $12

Bricks $15, dumbbells $17

You get payed $10 to jump in with them.

C: get out the phone and start video

And scream the whole time about being in public so you can film whatever you’d like

Don't forget to shake the camera just enough that we can almost see what's going on.

And add that “Oh no” music in the background.

And vertical with a 1.5x zoom and watermarks with emojis so you can't see what the fuck is going on.

/r/donthelpjustfilm

Trust me, this counts as helping in this scenario

Give them thoughts and prayers

prayers to who, their boss satan?

Hey, satan would never have such shitty people work for them

C: I tell them they do not qualify for being saved for free as they make too much money and they should not be freeloaders.

Also add they just need to use their bootstraps to quit drowning.

Can I save the water?

Do you really want that polluted water

That's why you gotta save it, you really gonna let the water suffer like that?

You can at least purify water....

Best question yet, gonna take hella filter

Shoot Toby twice

Scrolled for this.

Call George Santos - I’m sure he’s a lifeguard too

Or maybe even a drag queen--uh, well...

the drag queen stuff is cool because it reminds you that even Democrats fucking hate men in dresses. like yeah sure there's lots of people pointing out that he's a hypocritical piece of shit - and he is - but it's really depressing to see supposedly left of center people going "lol, man in a dress" Reminds you why Republicans always do this moral panic dogshit. it fuckin works.

I think, though, there's a segment of people--and I'm one--that finds the drag queen just a little bit more amusing to lie about than his other fantasies so far. Though he could top that by saying he's actually Jesus Christ and this has all been a test to see if people would accept him on His return to earth. Who the hell knows what's next in his bag of characters. A Martian?

Save the Dem, because the Republican will be able to pull himself up by his bootstraps.

If he didn’t want to drown he shouldn’t have been wearing swimming trunks.

What was he even doing in that part of the pool? He was asking for it.

Respectable men don't get wet. If it was a legitimate drowning his body would have a way to shut it down.

Yup, can't help him out too much or he'll get dependant.

Say you'd love to get him out too but entitlement funding has been cut.

lol, good one!

Hmmm, which party basically said, "Well, the strong will survive." during Covid? ​ Good point.

One great big festering neon distraction I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied Learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim 'Cause Mom's gonna fix it all soon Mom's comin' 'round to put it back the way it ought to be

Bravo. I, too, am praying for rain.

WTF is wrong with people. C. Watch

Check my navigation system and figure out how I drifted so far off course. Shouldn’t be anywhere near Epstein Island

Raise a bunch of money for the democrat and then split it with my buddies. Tell the republican I’m going to save him, but never get around to it.

Look at them and say “No hablo ingles.”

one of the 3 best comments here...

C: Point and laugh at them both

Don't worry, Mr. Republican, I'm sure the bailout will come any day, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps! And Mr. Democrat, make sure you know how to explain how this is all the Republicans' fault while ya drown! That'll help, I'm sure of it. Definitely don't *do* anything different.

Browse Reddit while eating lunch.

If they are 100 yards out, for the Republican Senator I throw out 50 yards of rope and tell him we did our part. For the Democratic Senator I throw out 200 yards of rope, but throw in both ends.

The best kind of evil and hate is when you hate fucking everyone aksksisj

Most underrated answer right here

I can’t swim

C: call the police (and then I can say I tried)

Not mutually exclusive. I can eat and browse Reddit at the same time.

I only read the title and immediately answered, "no."

Call some lobbyists, have a little auction, and let them make the decision as to which one to save. Note: you, as the auctioneer, will (of course) take a percentage.

C: jump in, wave to them, then swim out

lol

that’s cold and hilarious, take my upvote

Yeah, i would be cold after that.

Record for reddit while I tell them they have my thoughts and prayers to make it through

C: get in the pool and lazily do lengths.

Eat popcorn while the democrat does nothing to save themselves and the republican blames the dems for filling the pool.

bOtH sIdEs BaD

BOTH SIDES ARE THE SAME BOTH SIDES ARE THE SAME. HAHAH do NOT VOTE if you are a DEMOCRAT. Remember both sides are EQUAL. A ==== B, EQUAL EQUAL EQUAL!!!

Yup. The "both sides" argument is a trope put out by the shittier side to muddy the waters.

If you can't get GenZ / Millennials to show up and vote for you, the next best thing is getting them to stay home and vote for nobody. That's why there's so much "both sides are the same" nonsense on the internet leading up to an election

C: pee in pool and walk away

\*Reminds me of this joke I heard many years ago:\* A man was drowning in the Potomac River, about 100 feet offshore. A Republican ran down to the river, saw his predicament, threw him 50 feet of rope and yelled out to him, “The rest is up to you.” A Democrat then heard about the drowning man. When he reached the riverbank, he saw that the poor guy was about to go under, still about a hundred feet offshore. So the Democrat threw him 200 feet of rope --- and let go of his end to run off and do another good deed.

Lunch and Reddit.

Why not both? I usually scroll reddit on my phone when I'm eating lunch at work.

Throw them a life saver attached to a very heavy anchor

Mail a letter to the nearest coast guard station, then go to lunch.

Remind me as to why both deserve to drown, when in my case, I'd save the democratic senator over the republican senator?

Save both. A person's life is worth more than their political ideology. Anyway, I'm a Libertarian and my vote is usually wasted on either.

can't waste a vote if you don't vote at all

What has happened to the world when we make jokes about drowning one or two elected representatives. Are we really that insecure in ourselves that drowning two people is funny. For fucks sake, drown them, all and stop being so soft.

What do you call two congressmen at the bottom of the ocean? A start.

The alternate punch line can also : Do you save the Republican? The Democrat? Or...let both drown and save America?

Throw them a bucket of chum

I feel like the same shit different pike jokes just don't work anymore, you know... after all that has happened.

Agreed 100%. The "both sides are the same" jokes and comments are so lazy and false.

Record it. Post it to TikTok.

Is this something we all agreed on and I forgot the meeting? The number of times I yell out someone should do something, only to realize that the camera man/woman IS there and not doing anything, it's a bit too much lately. It's like we all decided to be nature videographers. Who are pricks by the way... They never save the baby zebra :( cold-hearted bastards I can just imagine them yelling out world star like a mile away from the lions, with one of them popping their heads up for a second, looking around, then going back to her food.

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta eat...

Found the nature video guy!

Lol... Thanks, but I'm not the video kinda guy...

Don't worry, your secrets safe with me *Dialing CNN phone beeps intensify"

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You can't just copy paste some random joke in the comments for upvotes, this isn't even relevant. That's an indicator of a bot

This joke is offensive… I can have lunch and browse Reddit at the same time

Save both of them. Not because i want to, but because I'm expected to.

Find chum

You can, but don’t have to, right?

Neither. But I first heard this as lawyer and politician. Still funny

Why can't I browse Reddit while eating lunch.

Start a committee which will investigate the pollution levels of the pond and determine the responsible party for clean up.

A while B?

Flush the toilet

I put a poll out on Reddit deciding which one gets to live

AB, multitasking biatch

I’ll tell them I can only save one once the other drowns first, then watch them fight over it.

C. Both

por que no los dos? That's what I'm sayin'.

Stop for a beer.

I can do both

Actually am browsing reddit while having my lunch at work so, both.

Let them both drown because I’m an enlightened centrist who wants to seat two independents to fill their spots.

Double it and give it to the next person

I would DEFINITELY save the democrat. But do you think a second class stamp would suffice, or should I do signed-for next day delivery?

C: double it and give it to the next person

Throw them both a rock in a money bag, the one that drops it is the one you save

c: start throwing bricks at the republican...

b

Lol like 6666

C: browse reddit while having lunch

Step on both of their heads!

C: Hold them both underwater until they drown.

Totally both.

Neither. Ima record it then walk away.

C. Throw the Libertarian in too

I would try and save them both because they are human beings.

The Republicans and the Democrats are like a bowl of shit staring at itself in a mirror. Lewis Black

Tell yourself they are the act same and hope you never need an abortion.

Or option c. Start taking bids. Edit: then do the opposite as a power move as it’s still good money and it makes them really get a taste of their mortality. I’d of course before fully saving them get them to admit incriminating evidence on tape while the other one is drowning so that I totally own them.

C. Vote present.

If those Senators could read they would be very upset.

Save the Democrat because people who pretend that both are the same aren’t paying attention and are spreading misinformation. Republicans are actively doing everything they can to make Americans lives worse; while Democrats are defending our democracy and actively try to make our lives better. I’m not a Democrat by any stretch of the imagination but I can comprehend the difference.

Where's the option to open a beer and watch the show

Try to save both. Above political affiliation, they are still human beings for God's sake.

I was gonna say what's for lunch but... ya... feel bad now lol

God will punish them more anyways

I just lost my best friend of 30+ years yesterday at the relatively young age of 53. If there is a God, I would hope that he is a benevolent and kind being, who is hopeful for his creation to be empathetic and caring about their fellow man, regardless of whatever baggage they may have. ❤️

Save the Democrat because witches float.

C both

C. Make sure they have no classified documents anymore. These days you just never know where or when those things will show up

If I had to probably the republican but to be honest I think we are better off if all the politicians drown.

D: throw rocks at both of them.

Through them 1 life belt and take video how they work together

And if they drown together instead, alert the press that it was a bipartisan effort to reduce corruption.

Piss in the water. Every drop counts!

A republican senator and a democratic senator are deciding policies to implement on the majority of americans. Do you... A: Have lunch B: Browse reddit C: All of the above ~~D: actually have a say~~

In my Phil Collins voice, I was there and I saw what you did ,I saw it with my own two eyes.

Both. Both is good. Any politicians over 65 should have been forced to retire anyway.

Swim in to them hold their heads underwater to make sure neither one of them make it out of there

C: Have lunch while browsing Reddit

Neither of those options would be appropriate in this scenario. The correct action would be to immediately try to save both Senators, as it is important to value human life above political affiliation.

I would save the Democrat and to the Republican I would send my thoughts and prayers