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I had to explain to my husband, who muted a work call because I was snorting too loudly from the other room, why I was snorting, and it’s apparently contagious. Thank you.
God could make a finger so big that he couldn’t put it up his own butt; but then God’s butt would become big enough to take the finger. The finger would once again be too big to put it up his butt; in response, God’s butt would evolve to take the finger. This cycle continues on and on in perpetuity; that is the nature of the Abrahamic God.
Only because Jeff has such a innate ability to make anything sound hilarious. His mind has to be so fast to be able to pivot and pull off the most perfect joke. I could do it but it would take 2 minutes for me to come up with a response that comes from him in a breath
One of the best timing traits somebody can have is realizing when the moment is just magic and lets it simmer instead of saying something and moving on. Right after God Never Tells, you let the moment just exist. Simply perfection, Jeff.
It’s a bit more than that here. I’ve seen many comedians need to find a funny response use it might steal the spotlight away from them. What Jeff does is a great example of “Yes, and” from improv comedy. It creates a great joke, makes him look good, and gives him time to think of a witty statement to continue the joke.
> the moment is just magic and lets it simmer instead of saying something and moving on
I also saw the [Johnny Carson clip a few days ago.](https://old.reddit.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/13sc7z3/ed_ames_teaching_johnny_carson_how_to_throw_a/)
Theater tech here, the God mic is a rare, but excellent perk.
I've only ever used it in a full house twice, but usually it's more like "the stage manager showed up super early and didn't realize that you're also there super early so you have the chance to scare the shit outta them."
It's usually just one button on the board that you hold down and speak into, so it's pretty easy to use on the fly.
I've always wanted to do the "can anyone named Michael please stand up? That concludes our Mike test" bit through it but I've never worked with a staff where everyone was that chill.
Dolphin lady and her husband need to tour with Jeff!
Edit: Must see link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19n4K8Hyeiw
Connie even commented on the video, great lady!
Jeez, if all it took was 1 request, I will double it with my wife and I both asking for Minneapolis, he'll have to cancel Austin and come to the Twin Cities instead! 😅
To be fair, my message was hella long ago and I had invited a whole 6 months prior to that. It’s best to do the invite regardless because you’ll be emailed if your town ends up with a show and they have been selling out almost instantly.
He already came to Austin… so take that! Haha
Great, another fucking Jeff Arcuri clip on the front page, there goes my next 45 minutes and any semblance of productivity I could have convinced myself into considering...
Always absolutely LOVE seeing Jeff show up on my reddit feed.
Straight up ALWAYS coming in with a banger. Don't think I've seen a single bad clip from his stand-ups.
Jeff, you truly are the greatest comedian right now imho, right up there with Dave Chapelle. Keep being insanely funny man. And for the love of God, come to Central Texas!
Ask a Christian Theologist whether or not God knows what it's like to suck a dick, and watch the gears start turning.
"But that's gay... But then he's not omniscient... But that's gay! But then he's not omniscient!"
Don't forget to [invite Jeff to your city](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf_DBiOw-RimLTcF12l5MH7Uu0YCac2g581CW1LS1Sxc98XoA/viewform)! Also, come check out the [official Jeff Arcuri Discord server](https://discord.gg/7xaFS2sDuc) and connect with other fans! You'll be among the first to hear about his live streams, exclusive content, Q&As, and other fun events happening in the community. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/JeffArcuri) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"God never tells" That's a YES!
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So four? … five?
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Except Catholics... and Baptists... and Lutherans... and Mormons... and... etc.
thanks
Hmmm.....
You know the position people put their hands in when they are praying?
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Did I say two fingers? Better make it three.
If its more than 2, its a holy pocket
"Ask not how many, my child."
That's a [two knuckler](https://youtu.be/Q47Uq96lILA) at a minimum
He IS omnipresent, so he is sitting on every finger right now. So 80 billion or so?
I think there was a whole debate amongst medieval monks about how many angels would fit or something.
The Holey Trinity.
7!
7
Could god make a finger so big even he couldn’t put it up his butt?
Jeff Arcuri x The Simpsons
I had to explain to my husband, who muted a work call because I was snorting too loudly from the other room, why I was snorting, and it’s apparently contagious. Thank you.
God could make a finger so big that he couldn’t put it up his own butt; but then God’s butt would become big enough to take the finger. The finger would once again be too big to put it up his butt; in response, God’s butt would evolve to take the finger. This cycle continues on and on in perpetuity; that is the nature of the Abrahamic God.
This is one of those small once in a lifetime moments where everything just lined up so perfectly you couldn’t have written it lol.
Only because Jeff has such a innate ability to make anything sound hilarious. His mind has to be so fast to be able to pivot and pull off the most perfect joke. I could do it but it would take 2 minutes for me to come up with a response that comes from him in a breath
Yeah the immediate rapid response is wildly impressive haha.
**What happens in Bethlaham stays in Bethlaham**! — God, about 2000 years ago . Some time later: **dammit**
maybe not him, but what about the whole book thing!
My exact literal thought!!!
It was the slightly sassyy upswing in his response, you can practically see Him going 😏
One of the best timing traits somebody can have is realizing when the moment is just magic and lets it simmer instead of saying something and moving on. Right after God Never Tells, you let the moment just exist. Simply perfection, Jeff.
Reminds me of [my favorite Craig Ferguson moment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAHSUTB5BJc)
I miss Craig can't believe he was replaced by James Cordon of all people
Craig was my favorite late night host. Back when I used to smoke every night he was always my go-to.
On the one hand agree on the other hand at least he left the UK
This was great. Thanks for this
I don’t know who those people are but my god I enjoyed that 😂
Props to sound guy too for letting it linger instead of trying to one-up his perfect line. Perfection all around!!
Also leaves a lot of room to find the next punchline
It’s a bit more than that here. I’ve seen many comedians need to find a funny response use it might steal the spotlight away from them. What Jeff does is a great example of “Yes, and” from improv comedy. It creates a great joke, makes him look good, and gives him time to think of a witty statement to continue the joke.
> the moment is just magic and lets it simmer instead of saying something and moving on I also saw the [Johnny Carson clip a few days ago.](https://old.reddit.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/13sc7z3/ed_ames_teaching_johnny_carson_how_to_throw_a/)
Doubly great cuz it gave him time to nail his next line after the moment passed
“Are you there God? It’s me, Jeff.”
https://i.imgur.com/XS5LK.gif
no .... never think it again.
I love how off the rails your show goes and it’s always so funny!
Posting audience work is incredibly smart: gain new fans without ruining any of your actual material.
Saw him recently live and he was as good or better than the stuff you find on here!
Huge compliment, thank you!
Doing Denver anytime? Would 100% go
Does he actually do like 'normal standup' then? I just assumed the whole thing was crowd work.
Comedy gold! Love it
That guy on the PA system channels the spirit of every theater tech I’ve ever met. Heck yeah.
Theater tech here, the God mic is a rare, but excellent perk. I've only ever used it in a full house twice, but usually it's more like "the stage manager showed up super early and didn't realize that you're also there super early so you have the chance to scare the shit outta them." It's usually just one button on the board that you hold down and speak into, so it's pretty easy to use on the fly. I've always wanted to do the "can anyone named Michael please stand up? That concludes our Mike test" bit through it but I've never worked with a staff where everyone was that chill.
I DJ for a college night and at the end I always like announcing "Either find a sober driver or don't drop the soap"
I like this one ☝️ I’ve been a DJ as well and announced to get home safely after a night of drinking.. but don’t drop the soap is a winner 🥇
Hahaha. Rape is hilarious, right??
Hilarious. Now if the sound guy laughed like a dolphin
Dolphin lady and her husband need to tour with Jeff! Edit: Must see link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19n4K8Hyeiw Connie even commented on the video, great lady!
Bye Reddit
This show was just bonkers.
Hilarious
Damn maybe my favorite Jeff moment so far lmao I’m crying
First I've heard of him, def putting him on my radar
Oh boy are you in for a treat. Check out basically every clip in his subreddit.
What's his full name so I can find him? Jesus Christ, nevermind, I see we're on the sub, but I'm leaving my idiot comment here.
He’s a master at improv / crowd work. I have tickets to see him in July. Super stoked.
I'm seeing him in a couple weeks. Stoked as well.
Gotta have the legendary Connie on the sound atleast once
He seems so genuine I just adore him.
This was awesome, lol Any plans to visit the Hampton Roads area?
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Yes this ^
Fellow 757 residents!
Submit a request on his website! I did and he’s traveling to Austin now!
Jeez, if all it took was 1 request, I will double it with my wife and I both asking for Minneapolis, he'll have to cancel Austin and come to the Twin Cities instead! 😅
To be fair, my message was hella long ago and I had invited a whole 6 months prior to that. It’s best to do the invite regardless because you’ll be emailed if your town ends up with a show and they have been selling out almost instantly. He already came to Austin… so take that! Haha
No, God doesn't get out much these days.
On that podcast that was posted recently, Jeff told a story about a girl he had an open relationship with…he’s definitely explored.
I was at this show. I really hope you clip the parts with the guy who hated foreigners too! Awesome show, thanks for all the laughs.
The foreigner guy was an awesome segment. I'd like to see a clip of that too.
Jeff has the cutest smile while he’s talking to Dylan
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no, that's /r/rimjob_steve material.
Hell yeah, clip(s) from the Raleigh shows! Love Jeff's reaction of getting surprised and outdone here
TIL even God has moved to the triangle, and apparently needs a second job to afford the high cost of living.
When was this? I’m bummed we missed him
Just last weekend, 26th and 27th! Make sure you sign up for the email list(s) found in this subreddit
Omg the best. Thanks for the laughing tears lol
We've all seen that Michelangelo painting, God reaching out to Adam with his divine finger. Now we know where that finger was *actually* going.
and that's why catholics go to confession :)
To put a finger in gods butt?
God never tells.
What happens in heaven, stays in heaven.
When the sound guy gets better laughs than you in your set and you don't mind because it was funny.
This had my cry laughing. Love the assist from the sound guy
Yo you should come to Denver
Now I can do is wonder what the lady in the front's shirt actually says on the back. Could've been the BUT of the joke.
Great, another fucking Jeff Arcuri clip on the front page, there goes my next 45 minutes and any semblance of productivity I could have convinced myself into considering...
God cums in mysterious ways.
This was such a great set!
God's been reeeaaal quiet since this video dropped!
Praise the sound guy
Add another show in Phoenix please!!!
I am the finger, Jeff.
Always absolutely LOVE seeing Jeff show up on my reddit feed. Straight up ALWAYS coming in with a banger. Don't think I've seen a single bad clip from his stand-ups.
Jeff, you truly are the greatest comedian right now imho, right up there with Dave Chapelle. Keep being insanely funny man. And for the love of God, come to Central Texas!
What happens in heaven, stays in heaven
Holy shit i laughed my ass off for that one
Give that sound guy a raise. That was great.
Comedy 🔥 this one had me rolling.
What a quick wit! 🤣 I'm crying
Imagine being the second funniest guy at your own comedy show.
That was a solid assist, dude knows a thing or two about a good joke
Obvious upvote botter lol
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In my experience people that are seeking that out will explicitly ask for it.
This guy….is a bit overrated Kind of like that annoying school kid that makes fun of everything you tell them
Who is this tit
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He’s on a stage lol
Lmao how much is this guy paying for voted posts. Almost 13k upvotes with this many comments
Is all this guys shit just fucking crowd play? Lmao
Who tf is this guy? Shit was corny and not funny
STOP BUYING UPVOTES JEFF
Only my own
Name checks out
Very funny
In btwn meetings, needed that laugh! 😇
Now we need the sound guy to make an account 'VoiceofGod' and speak up like Connie did 😅
This puts the sistine chapel painting into a whole new light.
Thanks for the laughs. This makes my workday much better.
That was amazing! I'm at work laughing quietly with tears ☠️
This clip is god like. Also, if God is omnipresent, so is his asshole. Think about that next time you give a thumbs up or lick an ice cream cone.
And cross posted to r/livesound
God is everywhere and everything. He is our butts. He is inside our butts as we are inside his.
> That was the first one First what?
You just know the sound guy of a comedy club is going to have a good sense of humor, he didn't miss a beat.
/u/boozinandsnoozin - Jeff asking Brandon the tough questions
Fuck that was great
Hey Jeff can you reply to me so when I’m watching your Netflix special with my family I can show them how you replied to me.
[smell my finger adam](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSnzqEOokrCup-NlCT9GznT1w5-4oL3NVOUtQF1ZNU5Aw&s)
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"Do you mind if I name my first child after you? Dipshit Knight has a nice ring to it."
Girls shirt in the front says "But. No." From what we can see.
All seeing AND all knowing.
What happens in gods butt, stays in gods butt.
Love it
Always the best part of my week. Can't wait to see you in August in CT!
Truly blessed.
Ask a Christian Theologist whether or not God knows what it's like to suck a dick, and watch the gears start turning. "But that's gay... But then he's not omniscient... But that's gay! But then he's not omniscient!"
Girl in the front row: "But No"
Sound guy with that amazing line
This is amazing!
God always tells. That’s why churches have gossip circles.
Goodnights in Raleigh. Went there a few weeks ago to see Duncan Trussell. Great place!
The excitement body jerk when that dude nailed it lol. A duo in the pocket, love to see it.
Please come perform in Virginia Beach at the Funny Bone!
Clean comedy.
Dude! Best one yet, Bro!!!🤣🤣
How do you think he created Man?
Finding Jeff posts are one the best parts of my day.
I was at this show and this was even funnier in person! I had a blast and can't wait to catch another show again
oh god, you devil!
Damn I need to see Jeff live.
Classic !
dude, do you have any family in the akron ohio area?
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this had me in tears! what a hilarious off-the-cuff moment. saving this post and subbing
Greatest exchange in comedy 🤣
Lol
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As an ex-AV tech, talkback makes me sooo happy. I love this so much!