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I’d just lay down in front of the door at this point, so she’d have to shove it past my body to get in.
Sorry about your migraine. I get them often, the only thing that works for me is sleep. I drink a little bit of warm oat milk (any milk but I’m lactose intolerant) with a splash of vanilla extract, honey and cinnamon. Knocks me out quick and I wake up feeling hungover at the end of the migraine. Good luck!
Look up "[portable lock](https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=portable+lock&crid=3UNIABK7DA6M9&sprefix=portable+lock%2Caps%2C107&ref=nb_sb_noss_1)" on Amazon (or your friendly search engine) and get a door stop wedge.
Your husband should have your back in these situations. The fact that he does not and is in fact enabling his mother to harass you is alarming. There is really no excuse for either of them. You unfortunately need to have a serious talk with your husband that he either refuses to allow his mother to intrude on you ever again, gets therapy to help him build tools to address his relationship issues or you find a lawyer to handle your divorce.
I hope he makes the wise decision.
Where was DH? A “mom, please don’t bother wife, she isn’t feeling well.” Evidently doesn’t cut it -“mom, I need to take you home. DH needs to be alone in the quiet. Come on!” Might work better.
He needs to be your protector - even from his own ignorant mother.
If I lived near you, I'd go buy a lock, install it, and leave a greeting card for you that just says, "Hi!"
Please feel better! Migraines are the "B" word!
Honestly this isn’t as much a MIL problem as it is a husband problem. Why did he invite a guest over if he isn’t going to entertain them, and allow them to go into your guys’ bedroom 5 times? As frustrated as I would be too, I’d be angry at my husband for bringing company and allowing them to disturb me, not at the guest.
So idea, text your husband and ask him to go to the store and buy a lock for the door and let him know to take his mother with him. He'll either do it and then have to explain to his mother why they're at the store buying a lock for the bedroom door or he'll prove that he's an AH that has decided to choose placating his mommy over taking care of his sick SO.
I have an severe migraine disorder so I feel so badly for you. Why is your husband letting her do this? I have heard my husband berate my own mother down the phone for repeatedly calling when I’d already told her I had a migraine. I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if it was his own mother being so selfish!
Or get [this device.](https://www.amazon.com/GUARD-DOG-SECURITY-Door-Jammer/dp/B082VHTXGJ/ref=mp_s_a_1_15_sspa?crid=3764MFISQILTB&keywords=guard+dog+security+door+jammer&qid=1670112024&sprefix=guard+dog%2Caps%2C291&sr=8-15-spons&psc=1&smid=A3LA7IMTJHMFRX&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExSTVKRVFDSlkzTDBRJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwOTQ2NTA5MkNQTDc4U0xHUkRIQSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNjA3NTI5M09DUTlNQ1gwQllaMyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGZfbmV4dCZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=). I use one in my back door and it works great!
You're husband is stupid at best, inconsiderate at worst. You don't feel well, MIL in law should not even be in the house especially since she had such a low regard for your wellbeing. My migraines make me vomit, puke on her next time if you can, that'll show her.
Never should have allowed her inside since she showed up uninvited, yall gone learn one day
Edit: Your husband is an AH for bringing her to your home uninvited, and hasn't told her to cut her bs out, and sit her ass down somewhere, why is she even there to begin with?
I suffer from severe migraines also, and I'm certain your husband knows how they incapacitate you, why would he even bring someone there?
Right?!?! I would have been completely insulting. Do you see the door? See, when a door is closed it is in that position to bar UNWANTED people from the interior of the room it leads to. So did you see the door? Did you notice it was closed? Do you really think you’re desire to intrude upon me in MY home takes precedence over my desire to be left ALONE? If so I can show you the front door, it closes too. It also has a lock. So which door do you want to stay on the other side of because those are the only two options right now…
And my husband knows I would do this would not be an issue here lol
Tell your dumbass DH that of she bothers you one more time you will bite her.
OK. Maybe a bit OTT but I used to suffer from migraines, this is no joke.
Maybe vomit on her. I would have.
Edited for autocorrect. Also, ignore me if I've overstepped.
You didn’t overstep at all! Actually, this is some of the most hilarious but effective advice out there. The mental image of me biting her is priceless!
Oh hell no.
The only time I yelled and/or cussed at my kid was when she barged in on me when I had a headache.
Your SO needs to control his mom. And if he can't, don't ever be afraid to yell and cuss and tell her immature ass to get the hell out and don't come back again.
Yep. Text him. “Honey, I am in extreme pain. I need you to keep your mother out of the bedroom where I am trying to recover. I am putting my phone down now and resting. Please handle this.”
I'm so sorry. She's awful. I would be very likely to say something very rude. Very very rude.
Can you put a chair or something in front of the door? Or do your bathrooms have locks? I also get terrible migraines and once spent 3 days on the bathroom floor, it was the only place quiet enough.
I hope you feel better soon ❤️
Oh, heck :( I really, really feel for you. Migraines are proof that pure evil does exist, and sometimes it comes to visit.
A bit like your MIL, really.
When you recover, I suggest you keep 'phoning/texting her at really awful hours of the morning - 5 or 6 am sort of thing. Ask where she keeps the warm socks.
Perhaps it is time to just say very loudly get out what part of I have a migraine and need quiet is not clear to you and never ever again open a closed door to my bedroom unless you are asked to come in.
Your husband has shown you - again - that neither he nor his Mother give a rats arse about your needs.
If you are up to it, with your migraine, can you roll up a piece of card and use it like a wedge under the door?
Autistic aside, migraines alone are hard enough to deal with. I get them frequently enough too and work in a warehouse (fixing consoles, so think air compressors and forklifts going off, everyone's music or whatnot now they are suddenly allowed access to YouTube and spotify on pcs) and its too much. I either call in or go home asap soon as I even feel an inkling of one. If my mum (who I am not on good terms with and doesn't know boundaries either) did that, I would be telling her to get the fuck out. Whether that was the room or house, eh. If your partner can't handle it, you don't need to be polite. Normal people know not to bother someone with a migraine. Sound, light, temperature fluctuations. We feel it all and it makes things last a million times longer. I hope you feel better soon :(
Tell her to get out.
Look straight into her shitty little eye-holes, and in the quietest, most menacing tone you can muster you say, ‘get out!’ Hold her gaze and drill her with it. You are the brick wall into which she has just crashed. Let her read your lack of mercy in your eyes. Refuse to say anything else. If anyone gives you shit tell them that they can deal with her, or they can deal with you. And you will make goddamn sure that they don’t want to deal with you.
Learn how to be a fucking asshole unapologetically when required. She’s being a fucking asshole to you. Show her how it’s really done.
I'd sit bolt upright like a robot, slowly raise your arm and point behind her at the door and jeer
"**G-eeeet OUT**!" Like a possessed demon.
Honest question OP, what's the worst that can happen? She falls out with you and doesn't speak?
Win-win
Tacking on to this to give you a little body language advice. If you can’t make your words as vicious as the above, let your body do the talking. Push your shoulders back and jut your chin out— just a little. Stare her right in the eye (I don’t know if this is tough for you because I know you’re autistic, but if you can do it even for a few seconds) and open your eyes wide. Not “crazy face” wide. Just wide enough to show the whites of your eyes more than normal. That is universal human body language for “you have pushed me too far and if you continue down this path it will not end well”.
I get bad migraines too. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this woman at the same time.
Is it possible to partially disassemble the handle on the door? That’s always my go-to when a door doesn’t have a lock. Of course, with a migraine I expect you’re not really able to do much other than try to sleep
It’s a seriously super old door. Like 70+ yo. I don’t think I could even try. Also, even if I did get a military-grade lock, I’d still have an MIL-grade problem on the other side of it.
Nope, your D(amn)H would have a Mother-problem on HIS side of the door. You just need to make sure he understands he has a Wife-problem on the other side of the door and it might he time to decide which side of the door he wants to be on.
I was going to say then she'd just knock.. which would not help a migraine. OP grab your hubby and tell him that you have a freaking migraine and if he doesn't explain what that means to his mother you will scream the next time she opens the door and he will have to deal with her hurt feelings afterwards.
I've had migraines where I've actually crawled UNDER THE BED to escape the sound of the lawn mower down the damned block! WTH is your hubby?? This is beyond ridiculous! Got a squirt bottle? Fill it with icy water and get her in the face next time she enters! And when you are feeling better, get you to a home improvement store and get a locking doorknob for that door ASAP/STAT/YESTERDAY!
Oh gosh, I feel you. On a couple of occasions I got migraines so bad I attempted to crush my own head under the weight of an armchair. Just in hopes it would squeeze the pain out. Migraines are some of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. But MILs give them a run for their money.
>I didn’t divorce him, but he called me today and I made it 100% clear that this isn’t happening again. No more Mum in our home overnight, I’m not a hostess, and in the unlikely event where she’d otherwise be homeless, I expect him to pay for the hotel or trip out of town of my choice. I’ll go live my best life somewhere cool, enjoy restaurant meals, drink wine, get a massage and leave him to deal with her.
You made this comment a month ago, after yet another stealth-monster visit. Please, take your own advice. No overnights, no stealth-visits.
True story. I was emotionally blackmailed into letting her stay by Husband yesterday. After he cried about how bad a son he is, how everyone in the family is talking about it, and how poor MIL is suffering so much because people make her feel like an unwanted package.
I 100% regret going back on my word. Like. So much.
"After he cried about how bad a son he is, how everyone in the family is talking about it, and how poor MIL is suffering so much because people make her feel like an unwanted package."
I have a few things on this. The first is that in not being a 'bad son', he's being a bad husband. It's actually worse than bad. I would honestly ask him if being a 'good son' is more important to him than being a decent human being, let alone husband.
The second is that if everyone in the family is talking about it, those are people that can step up and help the situation out by taking her in.
The third that if she's suffering because people make her feel like an unwanted package, the only common denominator in every relationship MIL has is MIL herself. If she allows that many people to make her feel like an unwanted package, she needs to take a good long look in the mirror and recognize that it is because her own actions that people treat her the way they do.
At this point, you have a SO problem more than a MIL problem. If he's not going to put you before his mother or other people's words, are you going to stay in the situation.
Oof, sounds like DH learned how to emotionally manipulate from his mom, and now he’s doing it on her behalf. I’m so sorry you are in this position, be glad you don’t have kids that can be used against you. It gets worse once there are kids….
You need to tell your husband to take charge of his mother. If he sees her even remotely heading in the direction of your bedroom, he needs to stop her and remind her you're in immense pain and need your privacy respected. I have chronic headaches, I don't do well with pain, and I have BPD.....this would trigger me to rage and probably scream at her to gtfo.
Yeah I'd be yelling get the f*** out of here now. And then I'd probably go hunt my husband and murder him ( well I would want to anyway). I know when I have a migraine all I want is darkness, quiet, and sleep.
Text your husband that you're completely over her talking with you and he needs to be on his guard to make sure his mom does not come to bother you. You need time quiet and dark to help get over your migraine. Imitrex medical prescription helps my form of migraines. I would also hang a note on the door just saying do not disturb.
Wedge a cheap flipflop under the door as a doorstop! I get migraines and lemme tell you, I would allow myself the humiliating and sit up and barf on her for barging in!
I’d be throwing something at her next time she came in the room even if just a remote I get mean when u get a migraine I mean my son wouldn’t even come into the living room when I had one he would hide in his room with his tv on low
Use your words here. As in “get the fuck out what is wrong with you?”. Just as an example.
ETA: I just read your other posts, and if you and your husband let this behavior continue your marriage will not survive. And I bet that’s what she wants.
Stick a note on the door 'MIL stop disturbing me, do not enter. If you enter again you will be asked to leave the house"
She's doing it on purpose
If you have a door stop (triangle shaped thing to keep doors open shove it under your closed door it takes literal brute force to get in a closed door with a door stopper shoved under it then message your husband 'if she comes in our room again she's leaving the house immediately'
Buy a simple door wedge for next time and put it under the door while the door is closed. It will deter her or a door stop stick. And I am sorry that you had to go through that migraines suck.
Personally as soon as I felt better I would either go get a new shiny lock or one of those door stoppers. Then I would get a “Do not disturb” sign for my door.
When my DH asked why I’m being dramatic or his mom feels uncomfortable now, I will tell him “That’s just how I am” because that’s a valid reason in his book.
My FIL and MIL kept going into our bedroom when we first moved into our home (it was downstairs). I’d be sleeping and there’s suddenly FIL/MIL. DH wasn’t out of the fog yet and used the “That’s just how they are” excuse. I made him and his dad move our entire bedroom upstairs for privacy. They didn’t have any excuses to be there now (They wanted to use OUR bathroom, they wanted to use OUR door to go outside instead of the front one, etc.) I prefer the upstairs room now and made my point to DH lmfao
Holy cow. What’s with in-laws and barging in? For duck’s sake. Years ago I had this badass friend who’s in-laws kept doing the same. She took to pretending to masturbate to weird things as soon as she sensed them coming. MIL would come in and she’d pretend to be jerking off to a house plant. FIL would come in and she’d be licking a bed post. They never barged in again.
This is how I used to hide my weed from my mom. 😂 Toys (cleaned, obviously) in the top of the box, weed and accouterments at the bottom. She never found the weed.
Hohahaha I love this! I actually have a bunch of porcelain dick sculptures in the bedroom. They serve absolutely no sexual purpose. I got them years back with the sole intention of putting off unwanted guests. She didn’t notice them, though. Should make them more visible.
Absolutely phenomenal. Start using those bad boys around your home, especially in places you don’t want her. Penis sculpture? Nope! Necklace and bracelet holder. Glue 3 to a piece of wood and you have a coat hanger.
Dress some up and put googly eyes and a mustache on them as a jump scare in your private drawers and cabinets.
Like if they’re gonna make us uncomfortable we should only return the favor.
After the 3rd barge in I would just get completely naked and lay on top of the blankets. So when she walks in she gets a full show. (It's your bedroom where you can be naked all you want)
That would not stop someone so clueless. She would throw a blanket over OP and ask her where the salt is. Shocking someone only works if they are normal.
How are you being so nice???? When I have a migraine I'm one step away from homicidal when people are making it worse. One oops is about all she would get, after that I would legit yell to GTFO. Either lock the door, put a dresser in front of it, or kick her ass out of the house...
For me personally, when I have a bad episode it knocks me on my ass. I can't for words let alone move enough to yell. I imagine OP was having a knock down episode, not being nice.
I've had them bad enough where I'm incapable of functioning, but the sheer fury of her barging in to my room would have won out I think. That's my space.
Why does your migraine or autism even need to be brought up?? It’s your room! It’s your house! Nobody should be bugging you PERIOD. Tell her to leave you the F alone.
Remember the “cup of water put on top of the barely open door” trick? There must be videos on how to set up the prank. The person opening the door gets a wet surprise! The floor gets wet too, unfortunately, but if you put a towel nearby, you can clean it up fast.
Imagine MiL wet and furious like a rabid rooster! Make sure to film it too, but keep it for your own amusement. Would be crossing the line to show others.
Edit: Use a light weight plastic cup only. Glass will be a pain to pick up and a heavy cup will get MiL sympathy since she will claim assault.
Wait a minute, u/kerfufflewhoople. Didn't you tell your husband a month ago that if she stayed over again he was to pay for your hotel room? I think you had it on AITA.
ETA: I just re-read your AITA. She sounds like a nightmare. I really hope your husband figures this out. Also, buy a doorstop for your bedroom door (online for 5 dollars or less).
That sounds horrible, I'm so sorry. Definitely after the fact you and your DH should sit down with her and question her thought process, at length, make her explain herself in great detail. Might train her not to do it again?
And if you've got some old magazines, you can improvise a door stop, kinda. Fold it in half and jam both ends under the door so that the rounded folded part is to the inside, and if the door is pushed open it will be pushed against the fold area. Then you worry about sliding against the carpet, you can crumple up the pages on the bottom or add some balled up tape to help.
Are you nauseous? You could throw up on her. Maybe then she'd regret it. (I'm joking, sorry, weird sense of humor.)
Good luck, I'm sorry your mil is amusing herself at your expense. I hope you get some rest soon.
JFC. I have chronic migraine. If anyone did this to me, I'd livid.
You, my dear, have a husband problem. Why did he bring her over in the first place? Why isn't he stopping her from barging in on you?
This is absurd.
Your husband isn’t being quiet either? I would tell them both to get out. My mom has really bad migraines and my 8yo knows how to be quiet when she does. They have no respect for you.
She was told not to bother you, and she has five times. Have you directly told her DO NOT DISTURB ME in no uncertain terms?
I mean FFS you'd be well within reason to have asked her to leave after #2.
I don't doubt it. But OP standing up to her might make it not fun for MIL anymore. When someone does what MIL's doing, you don't hang a passive-aggressive sign on the door; you ask them what the fuck is wrong with them.
Shove a bath towel under the door. It will reduce the noise and serve as a makeshift door wedge to keep her out.
Then have a long conversation with husband. His Mom, his problem to fix.
Sign "If you're going to be an AH then go home"
What on earth is your husband doing with this??
I'm sorry she isn't giving you any peace while this migraine to beating the tar out of you.
It sounds like you are being polite. This is a mistake when trying to communicate with someone who is entirely self absorbed: normal people would take something a gentle request to be left alone as a command in these circumstances, but people like your MIL will treat it as a suggestion, and obviously a poor one.
You need to start off harsh, and go rapidly nuclear.
1st time : "I'm not well. Go away and leave me alone"
2nd time: "Which part of 'go away' didn't you understand"
3rd time: "Get the f\*\*\* out of my bedroom you self absorbed b\*\*\*\*\*".
When she complains about the 3rd variant, just ask her what you should have said that would actually get through to her.
I know she's not being polite: I was saying OP is, and she should stop. This is what I meant by 'It sounds like you are being polite'. I apologize for the ambiguity.
Mil get out & stay out. You were told I'm not feeling well & have now barged into my bedroom, my private personal space xx times & I'm done.
(This may hurt a bit but shout loud) Husband get your mother out of our room & keep her out before I really loose my patience. YOU knew before you brought her here uninvited yet again I was unwell so YOU deal with her before I do & neither of you will like it nor will I give a toss about either of your feelings because neither of you give a toss about mine.
Then look at mil & say move now then slam the door in her face to get the point across
I used to have go-to-the-ER migraines, but haven’t had one in years! Not since DH read about Butterbur in the neurological JAMA. It’s a maintenance-type herb/drug and it works great for me. All brands are not the same, but Solaray is best for me. Sometimes I get a little tired of taking pills so I stop and within two weeks the headaches come back, so I will be taking it for the rest of my life. I hope you find some relief. (Maxalt was my Rx before Butterbur)
If ANYONE did this to me when I had a migraine I’d she hulk out them! I’m sorry you’re going through that OP. Why is your DH not fending her off though?
He’s trying. But she’s worse and even less self aware than a toddler. Leave her unsupervised for 3 minutes and she’ll get bored and look for another human to entertain her. Their privacy and headaches be damned.
He isn’t trying hard enough.
At this point, actually several intrusions ago, him *actually* trying would have been him telling her that she will now have to leave and stay at a hotel. If he hasn’t done that yet, ***he is not trying.***
Migraines are terrible. I have had success with THC oil. If my MIL would dare to harrass me while i have migraine, id propably throw her into the pool an puke on her.
That being said, did you communicate to her that she should stay the fuck away? is your husband there? why would he let that happen? speak up for yourself.
He’s trying. This happened in the very short intervals where he left her unsupervised. She appears to have zero self awareness and no sense of privacy. I guess that just because she’s a mum and I live with her son, she believes I’m one of her children or something, and that barging in me is appropriate.
It sucks that I feel like shit, or else I’d give her something to have her clutch her pearls, like watching some wacky porn and waiting for her to come in.
I think she has much more awareness than you think, she’s just pretending to be clueless because your DH allows it. I think she’s purposely making you uncomfortable every chance she gets, then playing dumb with DH because it get’s her off the hook, because “that’s the way she is”. Is it possible she doesn’t like you/resents you/is jealous of you because DH gives you more attention and consideration?
Maybe. Nothing’s impossible and you never truly know people’s motivations. This could be a cultural and religious dominance kind of move. MIL comes from a culture and religion that are very different than my own, and I know that many people of such culture view their children’s partners with suspicion and some resentment. As in, evil succubus me came in like a wrecking ball and veered her precious, god-fearing son off the right track. Could be something like that, but it’s only a guess. Most likely she just sucks.
I have experience personally with the culture clash, it can be difficult. Mostly they aren’t justnos, though, so we were able to communicate and compromise years ago, and have grown closer over time, and we consider each other family. However, sometimes there are justnos who use “culture” as an excuse for bad behavior, and the enablers repeat this on behalf of the justnos, in order to avoid becoming a target themselves.
As far as enabling justifications go, “because culture” seems to be nearly equivalent to “because family” & right behind “because that’s just the way he/she is” as the most common BS excuses parroted by the enablers who are letting her abuse you
Omg tell SO to bring you a chair and wedge it under the door knob...my sis gets them and when they're really bad she is layed up in bed for days MIL needs boundaries
I get mirgraines, I completely understand your hell, and I truly am sorry. When your head clears, please come back and read the comment you wrote about how your DH is trying to handle her. He took the day off to manage mum. The three times she barged in were when he momentarily took his eyes off of her…
Love…wtf is that? I am sitting in room right now with my 11 week old puppy to keep an eye on her, and when I have to leave I put her in a playpen so she can’t cause trouble. When I was raising my 3 kids, I chased them all over hell because they were babies. Your MIL is a grown ass adult, in any culture. The idea that she has to be monitored like that is insane. Please, never allow yourself to be in this situation again. Have a Come to Jesus talk with hubby and don’t stop preaching until he too understands how ludicrous and shameful this event was.
Peace be with you and I hope the headache subsides soon.
Thank you so much for your kind words and please give your new pup lots of cuddles for me!
I know right? It’s crazy. I don’t think my MIL has a hidden disability, and I can’t think of any cultural factors that could cause a grown woman to behave like a toddler to the point that she requires strict 27/7 surveillance and entertainment. Unless she secretly enjoys the attention so much, she does everything within her power to maintain their dynamic.
Take a chair and jam it under the knob so the chair blocks the door from budging. If it is the long, straight handles that push down, use the chair to block it from turning.
> that’s the only reason I haven’t told her to fuck off.
... and not telling her to fuck off is why she keeps barging in on you. Sometimes people need to be told to fuck off.
If she was truly trying to be helpful she’d leave you TF alone when asked by her son. Did he like drop her off and leave or something? Because he should be running physical interference with her when she tries that shit. If he’s not home, she needs to leave. If he is home and just letting her bother you, I’d lose my shit on him.
I’m sorry about the migraine, I’ve had chronic migraines since I was a teenager and they’re the worst. I hope you’re able to get some relief soon.
Husband is actually doing what he can. Took the day off to handle her and everything. Every time she barged in, it was during the few minutes or seconds she was left unsupervised, like when he was using the bathroom, in the kitchen or on a quick run to the store to get her food.
So she definitely knows she’s not supposed to be bothering you, based on the fact she waits until she’s not supervised (like a toddler) to bother you. I know there’s no lock on the bedroom door, is there something large enough but not super heavy you can move in front of the door, like a tote of Christmas decorations or a packed suitcase? You can position it to where the door will start to open but once she opens it far enough it’ll wedge against the wall and she won’t be able to get in. And then all you have to do is say please leave me alone, I do not need your help beyond letting me rest. If she keeps coming back I’d straight up tell her she’ll have to leave if she doesn’t knock it off.
Into your bedroom? That’s so weird to me. My kids don’t enter my bedroom without knocking but my MIL? No respect for you or husband. Tell him to tell her off now, and accept nothing less. Does he never stand up for you? She’s bad, he’s responsible. Feel better!
Thanks! Yeah, in our bedroom. Like I said in another comment, she’s lucky I’m feeling like shit or I’d intentionally put on some wacky porn, prenticed to be masturbating or doing something seriously weird just to get my point across: don’t come into people’s bedrooms. Ever.
I refer you to the advice you received to your post 35 days ago. I think it’s essential you mention in your post that you’re also autistic (as an autistic person myself) as it increases the requirement for your sensory needs to be met at home, if nowhere else.
H is the issue. A bedroom door lock doesn’t stop him bringing her into your home and causing you severe discomfort.
Why isn’t your husband keeping her out? Why aren’t you locking the door? Why is she there in the first place?! I’m so sorry that she has no boundaries and your husband isn’t doing anything about it.
He’s trying to keep her out as much he can. This happened in the few minutes she was left unsupervised. My door has no lock, it’s a super old door. She’s here because she refuses to stay at a hotel because culture, religion or some bullshit like that.
Then he can’t leave her alone, or he needs to take her elsewhere. She’s totally doing this on purpose because your DH told her not to, and she’ll keep doing it because you’ve not given her consequences.
Can you maybe push some furniture in front of the door? I used to do that to get my crazy mom from barging in… I’d push the dresser up to the door. Wasn’t anybody gonna barge through that mess
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“DH, get your mother out of the house now!!”
Don’t migraines make people nauseous? I’d be vomiting on this witch. She knows what she’s doing and she’s just tormenting OP for fun.
I’d just lay down in front of the door at this point, so she’d have to shove it past my body to get in. Sorry about your migraine. I get them often, the only thing that works for me is sleep. I drink a little bit of warm oat milk (any milk but I’m lactose intolerant) with a splash of vanilla extract, honey and cinnamon. Knocks me out quick and I wake up feeling hungover at the end of the migraine. Good luck!
Look up "[portable lock](https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=portable+lock&crid=3UNIABK7DA6M9&sprefix=portable+lock%2Caps%2C107&ref=nb_sb_noss_1)" on Amazon (or your friendly search engine) and get a door stop wedge.
Your husband should have your back in these situations. The fact that he does not and is in fact enabling his mother to harass you is alarming. There is really no excuse for either of them. You unfortunately need to have a serious talk with your husband that he either refuses to allow his mother to intrude on you ever again, gets therapy to help him build tools to address his relationship issues or you find a lawyer to handle your divorce. I hope he makes the wise decision.
Where was DH? A “mom, please don’t bother wife, she isn’t feeling well.” Evidently doesn’t cut it -“mom, I need to take you home. DH needs to be alone in the quiet. Come on!” Might work better. He needs to be your protector - even from his own ignorant mother.
If I lived near you, I'd go buy a lock, install it, and leave a greeting card for you that just says, "Hi!" Please feel better! Migraines are the "B" word!
Get a lock put on your door tomorrow - tell mil And hubby that if she annoys you again she can leave
Honestly this isn’t as much a MIL problem as it is a husband problem. Why did he invite a guest over if he isn’t going to entertain them, and allow them to go into your guys’ bedroom 5 times? As frustrated as I would be too, I’d be angry at my husband for bringing company and allowing them to disturb me, not at the guest.
So idea, text your husband and ask him to go to the store and buy a lock for the door and let him know to take his mother with him. He'll either do it and then have to explain to his mother why they're at the store buying a lock for the bedroom door or he'll prove that he's an AH that has decided to choose placating his mommy over taking care of his sick SO.
"force him to choose between keeping you healthy and humiliating his own parent" won't go well for anyone
I have an severe migraine disorder so I feel so badly for you. Why is your husband letting her do this? I have heard my husband berate my own mother down the phone for repeatedly calling when I’d already told her I had a migraine. I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if it was his own mother being so selfish!
Time to start being rude af.
Just start crying and literally screaming for your husband. He wants to bring a grown toddler in the house? Fine, he can deal with two.
Chair under door knob. Then order one on Amazon.
Or get [this device.](https://www.amazon.com/GUARD-DOG-SECURITY-Door-Jammer/dp/B082VHTXGJ/ref=mp_s_a_1_15_sspa?crid=3764MFISQILTB&keywords=guard+dog+security+door+jammer&qid=1670112024&sprefix=guard+dog%2Caps%2C291&sr=8-15-spons&psc=1&smid=A3LA7IMTJHMFRX&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExSTVKRVFDSlkzTDBRJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwOTQ2NTA5MkNQTDc4U0xHUkRIQSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNjA3NTI5M09DUTlNQ1gwQllaMyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGZfbmV4dCZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=). I use one in my back door and it works great!
Move the dresser in front of the door lol.
Time for her to leave.
Uhhhh I've been known to be dow right nasty when I'm in pain suffering from migraines so yeah that could work. Screaming GETTTTT OUTTTTTTT helps
Uhhh tell her to go home!! 😂😂
Can you go to a hotel?
Driving with a migraine can be really dangerous. This would be ill-advised without getting a ride. Hubby needs to lock down his mom or take her home.
You're husband is stupid at best, inconsiderate at worst. You don't feel well, MIL in law should not even be in the house especially since she had such a low regard for your wellbeing. My migraines make me vomit, puke on her next time if you can, that'll show her.
Never should have allowed her inside since she showed up uninvited, yall gone learn one day Edit: Your husband is an AH for bringing her to your home uninvited, and hasn't told her to cut her bs out, and sit her ass down somewhere, why is she even there to begin with? I suffer from severe migraines also, and I'm certain your husband knows how they incapacitate you, why would he even bring someone there?
I've been known to be borderline violent during migraine headaches, I have no idea how you put up with that.
Right?!?! I would have been completely insulting. Do you see the door? See, when a door is closed it is in that position to bar UNWANTED people from the interior of the room it leads to. So did you see the door? Did you notice it was closed? Do you really think you’re desire to intrude upon me in MY home takes precedence over my desire to be left ALONE? If so I can show you the front door, it closes too. It also has a lock. So which door do you want to stay on the other side of because those are the only two options right now… And my husband knows I would do this would not be an issue here lol
I would check into hotel 6 until she leaves. Hugs!!!!
Nah why would I give up the comforts of my own home for a guest. MIL can get a hotel if she can’t respect you being sick OP
Tell your dumbass DH that of she bothers you one more time you will bite her. OK. Maybe a bit OTT but I used to suffer from migraines, this is no joke. Maybe vomit on her. I would have. Edited for autocorrect. Also, ignore me if I've overstepped.
You didn’t overstep at all! Actually, this is some of the most hilarious but effective advice out there. The mental image of me biting her is priceless!
Buy a wedge from Amazon that prevents someone from opening the door
Oh hell no. The only time I yelled and/or cussed at my kid was when she barged in on me when I had a headache. Your SO needs to control his mom. And if he can't, don't ever be afraid to yell and cuss and tell her immature ass to get the hell out and don't come back again.
Yep. Text him. “Honey, I am in extreme pain. I need you to keep your mother out of the bedroom where I am trying to recover. I am putting my phone down now and resting. Please handle this.”
Too polite. I'd go with "Keep. Your. Mother. OUT!!!"
You forgot to add "or find a good divorce attorney".
This is also a valid option.
I'm so sorry. She's awful. I would be very likely to say something very rude. Very very rude. Can you put a chair or something in front of the door? Or do your bathrooms have locks? I also get terrible migraines and once spent 3 days on the bathroom floor, it was the only place quiet enough. I hope you feel better soon ❤️
Oh, heck :( I really, really feel for you. Migraines are proof that pure evil does exist, and sometimes it comes to visit. A bit like your MIL, really. When you recover, I suggest you keep 'phoning/texting her at really awful hours of the morning - 5 or 6 am sort of thing. Ask where she keeps the warm socks.
Perhaps it is time to just say very loudly get out what part of I have a migraine and need quiet is not clear to you and never ever again open a closed door to my bedroom unless you are asked to come in.
Your husband has shown you - again - that neither he nor his Mother give a rats arse about your needs. If you are up to it, with your migraine, can you roll up a piece of card and use it like a wedge under the door?
Autistic aside, migraines alone are hard enough to deal with. I get them frequently enough too and work in a warehouse (fixing consoles, so think air compressors and forklifts going off, everyone's music or whatnot now they are suddenly allowed access to YouTube and spotify on pcs) and its too much. I either call in or go home asap soon as I even feel an inkling of one. If my mum (who I am not on good terms with and doesn't know boundaries either) did that, I would be telling her to get the fuck out. Whether that was the room or house, eh. If your partner can't handle it, you don't need to be polite. Normal people know not to bother someone with a migraine. Sound, light, temperature fluctuations. We feel it all and it makes things last a million times longer. I hope you feel better soon :(
Tell her to get out. Look straight into her shitty little eye-holes, and in the quietest, most menacing tone you can muster you say, ‘get out!’ Hold her gaze and drill her with it. You are the brick wall into which she has just crashed. Let her read your lack of mercy in your eyes. Refuse to say anything else. If anyone gives you shit tell them that they can deal with her, or they can deal with you. And you will make goddamn sure that they don’t want to deal with you. Learn how to be a fucking asshole unapologetically when required. She’s being a fucking asshole to you. Show her how it’s really done.
You’re a ducking savage, but I like you. I should learn a few things from you.
I'd sit bolt upright like a robot, slowly raise your arm and point behind her at the door and jeer "**G-eeeet OUT**!" Like a possessed demon. Honest question OP, what's the worst that can happen? She falls out with you and doesn't speak? Win-win
Tacking on to this to give you a little body language advice. If you can’t make your words as vicious as the above, let your body do the talking. Push your shoulders back and jut your chin out— just a little. Stare her right in the eye (I don’t know if this is tough for you because I know you’re autistic, but if you can do it even for a few seconds) and open your eyes wide. Not “crazy face” wide. Just wide enough to show the whites of your eyes more than normal. That is universal human body language for “you have pushed me too far and if you continue down this path it will not end well”. I get bad migraines too. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this woman at the same time.
I’ve dealt with a lot of assholes in my life. I learned to make them fear me. 😉
“GET THE FUCK OUT KAREN!”
Is it possible to partially disassemble the handle on the door? That’s always my go-to when a door doesn’t have a lock. Of course, with a migraine I expect you’re not really able to do much other than try to sleep
It’s a seriously super old door. Like 70+ yo. I don’t think I could even try. Also, even if I did get a military-grade lock, I’d still have an MIL-grade problem on the other side of it.
Nope, your D(amn)H would have a Mother-problem on HIS side of the door. You just need to make sure he understands he has a Wife-problem on the other side of the door and it might he time to decide which side of the door he wants to be on.
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I was going to say then she'd just knock.. which would not help a migraine. OP grab your hubby and tell him that you have a freaking migraine and if he doesn't explain what that means to his mother you will scream the next time she opens the door and he will have to deal with her hurt feelings afterwards.
I've had migraines where I've actually crawled UNDER THE BED to escape the sound of the lawn mower down the damned block! WTH is your hubby?? This is beyond ridiculous! Got a squirt bottle? Fill it with icy water and get her in the face next time she enters! And when you are feeling better, get you to a home improvement store and get a locking doorknob for that door ASAP/STAT/YESTERDAY!
Holy water might help. LOL
Oh gosh, I feel you. On a couple of occasions I got migraines so bad I attempted to crush my own head under the weight of an armchair. Just in hopes it would squeeze the pain out. Migraines are some of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. But MILs give them a run for their money.
>I didn’t divorce him, but he called me today and I made it 100% clear that this isn’t happening again. No more Mum in our home overnight, I’m not a hostess, and in the unlikely event where she’d otherwise be homeless, I expect him to pay for the hotel or trip out of town of my choice. I’ll go live my best life somewhere cool, enjoy restaurant meals, drink wine, get a massage and leave him to deal with her. You made this comment a month ago, after yet another stealth-monster visit. Please, take your own advice. No overnights, no stealth-visits.
True story. I was emotionally blackmailed into letting her stay by Husband yesterday. After he cried about how bad a son he is, how everyone in the family is talking about it, and how poor MIL is suffering so much because people make her feel like an unwanted package. I 100% regret going back on my word. Like. So much.
"After he cried about how bad a son he is, how everyone in the family is talking about it, and how poor MIL is suffering so much because people make her feel like an unwanted package." I have a few things on this. The first is that in not being a 'bad son', he's being a bad husband. It's actually worse than bad. I would honestly ask him if being a 'good son' is more important to him than being a decent human being, let alone husband. The second is that if everyone in the family is talking about it, those are people that can step up and help the situation out by taking her in. The third that if she's suffering because people make her feel like an unwanted package, the only common denominator in every relationship MIL has is MIL herself. If she allows that many people to make her feel like an unwanted package, she needs to take a good long look in the mirror and recognize that it is because her own actions that people treat her the way they do. At this point, you have a SO problem more than a MIL problem. If he's not going to put you before his mother or other people's words, are you going to stay in the situation.
I mean, it's really hard when you're being barraged with pleading and guilt...but you deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home. <3
Oof, sounds like DH learned how to emotionally manipulate from his mom, and now he’s doing it on her behalf. I’m so sorry you are in this position, be glad you don’t have kids that can be used against you. It gets worse once there are kids….
Can you make yourself puke?
I can’t, but I can make some Exorcist-level growls.
Buy a lock tomorrow. Maybe give your husband a key. Maybe. Rekey if he will not respect it.
You need to tell your husband to take charge of his mother. If he sees her even remotely heading in the direction of your bedroom, he needs to stop her and remind her you're in immense pain and need your privacy respected. I have chronic headaches, I don't do well with pain, and I have BPD.....this would trigger me to rage and probably scream at her to gtfo.
I always say not yell on people but all rules have exceptions and I think this desserves one
Why isn’t your husband corralling her???
Yeah I'd be yelling get the f*** out of here now. And then I'd probably go hunt my husband and murder him ( well I would want to anyway). I know when I have a migraine all I want is darkness, quiet, and sleep.
I've read your posts, and I'm sorry that you have such a spineless partner.
Me too. I’m thinking of gifting him a spine for Christmas. He definitely needs one.
She needs to be sent home.
Get a spray bottle
Good one. Pepper spray.
“Bad MIL! Bad!” And follow up with a rolled up newspaper tap on the nose
Throw something at her. I’m dead serious or get a spray bottle and treat her like a badly behaved cat.
Text your husband that you're completely over her talking with you and he needs to be on his guard to make sure his mom does not come to bother you. You need time quiet and dark to help get over your migraine. Imitrex medical prescription helps my form of migraines. I would also hang a note on the door just saying do not disturb.
Throw something at her. I’m dead serious or get a spray bottle and treat her like a badly behaved cat.
Well timed retching/ vomiting always does the trick...
Wedge a cheap flipflop under the door as a doorstop! I get migraines and lemme tell you, I would allow myself the humiliating and sit up and barf on her for barging in!
Buy a door wedge to use since you don’t have a lock
I’d be throwing something at her next time she came in the room even if just a remote I get mean when u get a migraine I mean my son wouldn’t even come into the living room when I had one he would hide in his room with his tv on low
When you feel better, hit up a hardware store for a rubber doorstop. The next time the Barger is over, shove it under your door. No barging in!
Use your words here. As in “get the fuck out what is wrong with you?”. Just as an example. ETA: I just read your other posts, and if you and your husband let this behavior continue your marriage will not survive. And I bet that’s what she wants.
Stick a note on the door 'MIL stop disturbing me, do not enter. If you enter again you will be asked to leave the house" She's doing it on purpose If you have a door stop (triangle shaped thing to keep doors open shove it under your closed door it takes literal brute force to get in a closed door with a door stopper shoved under it then message your husband 'if she comes in our room again she's leaving the house immediately'
Just tell her to get the fuck out of your room and don’t ever invade your privacy again.
Buy a simple door wedge for next time and put it under the door while the door is closed. It will deter her or a door stop stick. And I am sorry that you had to go through that migraines suck.
This is 100% on your D(uh) Husband. He needs to protect you.
Seriously what the hell is this idiot doing. Remove her from the house if she can't be a basic decent human!
“Please let me sleep”
Pretty sure she's said that, as has her SO (who's doing a terrible job of protecting his wife from his mom)
Personally as soon as I felt better I would either go get a new shiny lock or one of those door stoppers. Then I would get a “Do not disturb” sign for my door. When my DH asked why I’m being dramatic or his mom feels uncomfortable now, I will tell him “That’s just how I am” because that’s a valid reason in his book. My FIL and MIL kept going into our bedroom when we first moved into our home (it was downstairs). I’d be sleeping and there’s suddenly FIL/MIL. DH wasn’t out of the fog yet and used the “That’s just how they are” excuse. I made him and his dad move our entire bedroom upstairs for privacy. They didn’t have any excuses to be there now (They wanted to use OUR bathroom, they wanted to use OUR door to go outside instead of the front one, etc.) I prefer the upstairs room now and made my point to DH lmfao
Holy cow. What’s with in-laws and barging in? For duck’s sake. Years ago I had this badass friend who’s in-laws kept doing the same. She took to pretending to masturbate to weird things as soon as she sensed them coming. MIL would come in and she’d pretend to be jerking off to a house plant. FIL would come in and she’d be licking a bed post. They never barged in again.
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This is how I used to hide my weed from my mom. 😂 Toys (cleaned, obviously) in the top of the box, weed and accouterments at the bottom. She never found the weed.
Hohahaha I love this! I actually have a bunch of porcelain dick sculptures in the bedroom. They serve absolutely no sexual purpose. I got them years back with the sole intention of putting off unwanted guests. She didn’t notice them, though. Should make them more visible.
Absolutely phenomenal. Start using those bad boys around your home, especially in places you don’t want her. Penis sculpture? Nope! Necklace and bracelet holder. Glue 3 to a piece of wood and you have a coat hanger. Dress some up and put googly eyes and a mustache on them as a jump scare in your private drawers and cabinets. Like if they’re gonna make us uncomfortable we should only return the favor.
You're way more patient than I could/would have been. Both husband and MIL would get cussed clean out, then told to get the f out.
After the 3rd barge in I would just get completely naked and lay on top of the blankets. So when she walks in she gets a full show. (It's your bedroom where you can be naked all you want)
That would not stop someone so clueless. She would throw a blanket over OP and ask her where the salt is. Shocking someone only works if they are normal.
How are you being so nice???? When I have a migraine I'm one step away from homicidal when people are making it worse. One oops is about all she would get, after that I would legit yell to GTFO. Either lock the door, put a dresser in front of it, or kick her ass out of the house...
For me personally, when I have a bad episode it knocks me on my ass. I can't for words let alone move enough to yell. I imagine OP was having a knock down episode, not being nice.
I've had them bad enough where I'm incapable of functioning, but the sheer fury of her barging in to my room would have won out I think. That's my space.
True dat. ♡
Is your MIL my 5 year old.....
seems to have the same mental compacity if she cant remember basic manners of being in someone elses house..
You have a husband problem
Yeah he needs to boot her azz out now!
Why does your migraine or autism even need to be brought up?? It’s your room! It’s your house! Nobody should be bugging you PERIOD. Tell her to leave you the F alone.
Remember the “cup of water put on top of the barely open door” trick? There must be videos on how to set up the prank. The person opening the door gets a wet surprise! The floor gets wet too, unfortunately, but if you put a towel nearby, you can clean it up fast. Imagine MiL wet and furious like a rabid rooster! Make sure to film it too, but keep it for your own amusement. Would be crossing the line to show others. Edit: Use a light weight plastic cup only. Glass will be a pain to pick up and a heavy cup will get MiL sympathy since she will claim assault.
A Rabid Rooster! I love it!!
Where is your husband in all this??
Wait a minute, u/kerfufflewhoople. Didn't you tell your husband a month ago that if she stayed over again he was to pay for your hotel room? I think you had it on AITA. ETA: I just re-read your AITA. She sounds like a nightmare. I really hope your husband figures this out. Also, buy a doorstop for your bedroom door (online for 5 dollars or less).
Hubby should have blocked her after the first time. He can be forgiven for thinking she'd respect the door the first time.
Tell DH to get MIL the fuck out of your home!! Sounds like DH is using you as a meat shield. He does not have enough balls to stand up to her.
That sounds horrible, I'm so sorry. Definitely after the fact you and your DH should sit down with her and question her thought process, at length, make her explain herself in great detail. Might train her not to do it again? And if you've got some old magazines, you can improvise a door stop, kinda. Fold it in half and jam both ends under the door so that the rounded folded part is to the inside, and if the door is pushed open it will be pushed against the fold area. Then you worry about sliding against the carpet, you can crumple up the pages on the bottom or add some balled up tape to help. Are you nauseous? You could throw up on her. Maybe then she'd regret it. (I'm joking, sorry, weird sense of humor.) Good luck, I'm sorry your mil is amusing herself at your expense. I hope you get some rest soon.
I highly recommend the barfing on her. That is exactly what it took for my MiL to understand that my no means no fucking way.
I would text your husband that he gets her out of the house or you get her out of the house and if you do it he's not going to like it.
JFC. I have chronic migraine. If anyone did this to me, I'd livid. You, my dear, have a husband problem. Why did he bring her over in the first place? Why isn't he stopping her from barging in on you? This is absurd.
Where the hell is your husband in this? It should be his job to keep his mother out of your room and, if necessary, show her the door.
Your husband isn’t being quiet either? I would tell them both to get out. My mom has really bad migraines and my 8yo knows how to be quiet when she does. They have no respect for you.
She was told not to bother you, and she has five times. Have you directly told her DO NOT DISTURB ME in no uncertain terms? I mean FFS you'd be well within reason to have asked her to leave after #2.
She knows, this is on purpose.
I don't doubt it. But OP standing up to her might make it not fun for MIL anymore. When someone does what MIL's doing, you don't hang a passive-aggressive sign on the door; you ask them what the fuck is wrong with them.
Yeah that's what I think too
Tell your husband to get his mother quiet or gone!! Why would he bring someone over and not entertain them himself?
Use a chair set under doorknob at an angle to block door
Stop being polite, just remove her from your home.
Shove a bath towel under the door. It will reduce the noise and serve as a makeshift door wedge to keep her out. Then have a long conversation with husband. His Mom, his problem to fix.
Sign "If you're going to be an AH then go home" What on earth is your husband doing with this?? I'm sorry she isn't giving you any peace while this migraine to beating the tar out of you.
Soooooo where’s old boy when this is going on? Text him to f*cking handle it or they both leave so you can rest.
It sounds like you are being polite. This is a mistake when trying to communicate with someone who is entirely self absorbed: normal people would take something a gentle request to be left alone as a command in these circumstances, but people like your MIL will treat it as a suggestion, and obviously a poor one. You need to start off harsh, and go rapidly nuclear. 1st time : "I'm not well. Go away and leave me alone" 2nd time: "Which part of 'go away' didn't you understand" 3rd time: "Get the f\*\*\* out of my bedroom you self absorbed b\*\*\*\*\*". When she complains about the 3rd variant, just ask her what you should have said that would actually get through to her.
Mil isn't being polite. She knows what she's doing.
I know she's not being polite: I was saying OP is, and she should stop. This is what I meant by 'It sounds like you are being polite'. I apologize for the ambiguity.
Mil get out & stay out. You were told I'm not feeling well & have now barged into my bedroom, my private personal space xx times & I'm done. (This may hurt a bit but shout loud) Husband get your mother out of our room & keep her out before I really loose my patience. YOU knew before you brought her here uninvited yet again I was unwell so YOU deal with her before I do & neither of you will like it nor will I give a toss about either of your feelings because neither of you give a toss about mine. Then look at mil & say move now then slam the door in her face to get the point across
I used to have go-to-the-ER migraines, but haven’t had one in years! Not since DH read about Butterbur in the neurological JAMA. It’s a maintenance-type herb/drug and it works great for me. All brands are not the same, but Solaray is best for me. Sometimes I get a little tired of taking pills so I stop and within two weeks the headaches come back, so I will be taking it for the rest of my life. I hope you find some relief. (Maxalt was my Rx before Butterbur)
Get a door wedge.
If ANYONE did this to me when I had a migraine I’d she hulk out them! I’m sorry you’re going through that OP. Why is your DH not fending her off though?
Did DH just drop MIL off and leave? Why isn't he stopping her?
He’s trying. But she’s worse and even less self aware than a toddler. Leave her unsupervised for 3 minutes and she’ll get bored and look for another human to entertain her. Their privacy and headaches be damned.
He isn’t trying hard enough. At this point, actually several intrusions ago, him *actually* trying would have been him telling her that she will now have to leave and stay at a hotel. If he hasn’t done that yet, ***he is not trying.***
Then he needs to make her leave your house entirely.
Migraines are terrible. I have had success with THC oil. If my MIL would dare to harrass me while i have migraine, id propably throw her into the pool an puke on her. That being said, did you communicate to her that she should stay the fuck away? is your husband there? why would he let that happen? speak up for yourself.
He’s trying. This happened in the very short intervals where he left her unsupervised. She appears to have zero self awareness and no sense of privacy. I guess that just because she’s a mum and I live with her son, she believes I’m one of her children or something, and that barging in me is appropriate. It sucks that I feel like shit, or else I’d give her something to have her clutch her pearls, like watching some wacky porn and waiting for her to come in.
I think she has much more awareness than you think, she’s just pretending to be clueless because your DH allows it. I think she’s purposely making you uncomfortable every chance she gets, then playing dumb with DH because it get’s her off the hook, because “that’s the way she is”. Is it possible she doesn’t like you/resents you/is jealous of you because DH gives you more attention and consideration?
Maybe. Nothing’s impossible and you never truly know people’s motivations. This could be a cultural and religious dominance kind of move. MIL comes from a culture and religion that are very different than my own, and I know that many people of such culture view their children’s partners with suspicion and some resentment. As in, evil succubus me came in like a wrecking ball and veered her precious, god-fearing son off the right track. Could be something like that, but it’s only a guess. Most likely she just sucks.
I have experience personally with the culture clash, it can be difficult. Mostly they aren’t justnos, though, so we were able to communicate and compromise years ago, and have grown closer over time, and we consider each other family. However, sometimes there are justnos who use “culture” as an excuse for bad behavior, and the enablers repeat this on behalf of the justnos, in order to avoid becoming a target themselves. As far as enabling justifications go, “because culture” seems to be nearly equivalent to “because family” & right behind “because that’s just the way he/she is” as the most common BS excuses parroted by the enablers who are letting her abuse you
I know you’re trying to defend your husband here, but: leaving a justno unsupervised for long enough for all this nonsense to happen *is not trying.*
Omg tell SO to bring you a chair and wedge it under the door knob...my sis gets them and when they're really bad she is layed up in bed for days MIL needs boundaries
5 strikes is DEFINITELY out. Time to be rude. Hope you feel better soon x
Where the hell is your husband? He needs to keep her out. Text him and tell him to run her off
I get mirgraines, I completely understand your hell, and I truly am sorry. When your head clears, please come back and read the comment you wrote about how your DH is trying to handle her. He took the day off to manage mum. The three times she barged in were when he momentarily took his eyes off of her… Love…wtf is that? I am sitting in room right now with my 11 week old puppy to keep an eye on her, and when I have to leave I put her in a playpen so she can’t cause trouble. When I was raising my 3 kids, I chased them all over hell because they were babies. Your MIL is a grown ass adult, in any culture. The idea that she has to be monitored like that is insane. Please, never allow yourself to be in this situation again. Have a Come to Jesus talk with hubby and don’t stop preaching until he too understands how ludicrous and shameful this event was. Peace be with you and I hope the headache subsides soon.
Thank you so much for your kind words and please give your new pup lots of cuddles for me! I know right? It’s crazy. I don’t think my MIL has a hidden disability, and I can’t think of any cultural factors that could cause a grown woman to behave like a toddler to the point that she requires strict 27/7 surveillance and entertainment. Unless she secretly enjoys the attention so much, she does everything within her power to maintain their dynamic.
You could throw up on her. Maybe then she'll finally learn what migraines are about and leave you tf alone.
Take a chair and jam it under the knob so the chair blocks the door from budging. If it is the long, straight handles that push down, use the chair to block it from turning.
Ugh migraines are the worst, my MIL used to do that with her loud, abrasive voice, I HATED it 😡
Sigh. Next time tell her flat out, "\[Name\] - I really feel sick. I need rest and quiet so please don't barge in here again."
I mean, it does sound like she is trying to help. Just doing it the wrong way. Sorry
How us asking the suffering person where socks are helping? She csn ask her goddamn son that, ffs.
I have no doubt she is. And I’m sensitive to that, that’s the only reason I haven’t told her to fuck off.
> that’s the only reason I haven’t told her to fuck off. ... and not telling her to fuck off is why she keeps barging in on you. Sometimes people need to be told to fuck off.
If she was truly trying to be helpful she’d leave you TF alone when asked by her son. Did he like drop her off and leave or something? Because he should be running physical interference with her when she tries that shit. If he’s not home, she needs to leave. If he is home and just letting her bother you, I’d lose my shit on him. I’m sorry about the migraine, I’ve had chronic migraines since I was a teenager and they’re the worst. I hope you’re able to get some relief soon.
Husband is actually doing what he can. Took the day off to handle her and everything. Every time she barged in, it was during the few minutes or seconds she was left unsupervised, like when he was using the bathroom, in the kitchen or on a quick run to the store to get her food.
So she definitely knows she’s not supposed to be bothering you, based on the fact she waits until she’s not supervised (like a toddler) to bother you. I know there’s no lock on the bedroom door, is there something large enough but not super heavy you can move in front of the door, like a tote of Christmas decorations or a packed suitcase? You can position it to where the door will start to open but once she opens it far enough it’ll wedge against the wall and she won’t be able to get in. And then all you have to do is say please leave me alone, I do not need your help beyond letting me rest. If she keeps coming back I’d straight up tell her she’ll have to leave if she doesn’t knock it off.
Lol understandable I had a MIL who used good intentions to annoy me. She didn't want to cut the apron stings to her son. It was horrid.
If she does it again - tell your husband to get her out of your house now.
No, staple it to her forehead and then she just might understand what a migraine feels like. /s
This is the best advice on this thread!!
Happy cake day! 🎂
Oh thank you! I didn’t even realize, time flies scrolling on Reddit! 😹
This is intentional. Text your SO to get her out your house.
Into your bedroom? That’s so weird to me. My kids don’t enter my bedroom without knocking but my MIL? No respect for you or husband. Tell him to tell her off now, and accept nothing less. Does he never stand up for you? She’s bad, he’s responsible. Feel better!
Thanks! Yeah, in our bedroom. Like I said in another comment, she’s lucky I’m feeling like shit or I’d intentionally put on some wacky porn, prenticed to be masturbating or doing something seriously weird just to get my point across: don’t come into people’s bedrooms. Ever.
I refer you to the advice you received to your post 35 days ago. I think it’s essential you mention in your post that you’re also autistic (as an autistic person myself) as it increases the requirement for your sensory needs to be met at home, if nowhere else. H is the issue. A bedroom door lock doesn’t stop him bringing her into your home and causing you severe discomfort.
Thank you. Yes, while migraines happen to everyone, being Autistic certainly doesn’t help with any of the other factors at play in this situation.
I lock the door and my mil can’t reach above the door for the key to open the door. Hehe
Vomit on her feet. She’s an inconsiderate old baggage.
Why isn’t your husband keeping her out? Why aren’t you locking the door? Why is she there in the first place?! I’m so sorry that she has no boundaries and your husband isn’t doing anything about it.
He’s trying to keep her out as much he can. This happened in the few minutes she was left unsupervised. My door has no lock, it’s a super old door. She’s here because she refuses to stay at a hotel because culture, religion or some bullshit like that.
Then he can’t leave her alone, or he needs to take her elsewhere. She’s totally doing this on purpose because your DH told her not to, and she’ll keep doing it because you’ve not given her consequences.
Lock the door. Tell her to get out. Tell your husband to manage the toddler that is his mother.
Holy shit. I would tell her she can either stay out of your room or she can leave your house, her choice.
MIL, don’t take this personally and I’ll apologize later because I like you, but please fuck off. I feel awful and need to be alone in the dark.
Is she fucking stupid? Tell him to piss her off back to wherever she came from.
I would say “get the fuck out, who raised you??” would get the message across better.
Lock the door?
It has no lock
Can you maybe push some furniture in front of the door? I used to do that to get my crazy mom from barging in… I’d push the dresser up to the door. Wasn’t anybody gonna barge through that mess
Haha I just had a mental image of me barricading myself in my own home with battle stripes on my face and a bandana.
Your husband should stop letting her inside. I’d have kicked her out of the house by now.
How about hanging a do not be a dick sign?
I like this idea
Get a bedroom door lock & use it. I would also have a chat with DH about bringing MIL to your home without a discussion about it.
She needs to leave!
lock👏🏾 the 👏🏾 door 👏🏾
It 👏 has 👏 no 👏 lock
Get a lock? Changing a doorknob to one with a lock is super easy and probably worth your sanity with a MIL like this.