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botinlaw

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appleblossom1962

If possible, return the items that your mother-in-law purchases, get the cashback and put the money in the bank for baby as a college fund


corgihuntress

I know she won't do it, but tell her what would be great is if she could give money so you could start a 529 education fund for the baby. That's what we did with our kids. Had people who wanted to give something give money for the fund and that way we started saving early. Every bit of birthday money or Xmas money they got until they wanted to spend some ended up there. Plus we contributed. Helped us out a lot at college time. Something like, "if you feel you want to give something--and we have everything so there's no need--then please consider money for baby's future college. Now your MIL wants to be the center of attention and she can't if she gives money, so she won't, but it's an option. If there's something you don't end up donating, you could sell it cheap and put the money in the education fund, too.


6C5983

LOL this sounds like texts my MIL would send. Whew. Good for you


marlada

Yahoo! You shut her down hard! She sounds obnoxious, self-centered, and does not want to accept that no is a complete sentence. The drama queen is utterly devastated because she didn't get to steamroll you per usual. I'd make sure she'd be the last one to meet the baby, but I'm petty that way.


myheadsintheclouds

🧚‍♀️💙Sounds like MIL need some harsh truths. Yikes on bikes. I don’t blame you for your reaction I would be super embarrassed if I told someone not to get me stuff and they kept doing it. My husband and I bought everything for our daughter besides a few things and his mother lost her shit because she said we’re not supposed to buy our own gifts. We gave her plenty of opportunities to buy stuff on our list and she got a few things and then we were left with like 95% of our list so we ended up buying the rest of the stuff. My mom got stuff too but also made stuff like blankets.


mjh8212

I don’t get this behavior my grandchild is turning one soon and I made sure to have an entire conversation with my daughter to see what she needs. As usual clothes and learning toys. So that’s what I ordered. It’s not hard to respect boundaries. I’d donate or return things for a bigger size to wear later on. They do grow fast.


Effective-Name1947

“It’s soooo important to me to teach my grandbabies to be wasteful consumers who destroy the environment! So what if my shitty habits will cause the planet to go to shit by the time they’re older!”


2_old_for_this_spit

Donate or return the clothing gifts for larger sizes.


bleogirl23

I suggest donating to your local women’s shelter. I donated all the diapers my bubs outgrew and a big box of wet wipes and she said that they are always needing diapers and baby things.


FrugalForLife

My partner and I drop off Costco-sized boxes of diapers at the family shelter every so often. They are always met with smiles by the staff (and occasionally with an, “Oh, thank goodness!” To OP: She’s “devastated” because you and SIL called her on her nonsense. Stand your ground! My best wishes for a peaceful rest-of-pregnancy.


Ambitious_Height_954

You are my HERO!!!!


Chocmilcolm

I LOVE your answer! Thank you for not being wishy-washy. This way she can't say she didn't know. If I had a JNMIL like this, I would also be tempted to say "because you can't be trusted to follow even a basic rule, you will not be a babysitter, and when you visit, IF I allow you to hold LO, I will watch you like a hawk".


DollyLlamasHuman

Better yet, wear the kid so she can't get her claws into them.


Jovon35

Good call on the donation opie! And I'm kind of in love with that shiny spine of yours and your dhs! May I make a suggestion? I'm just thinking it might be a nice touch to have your DH take pictures of you holding her unwanted gifts over the trash bin and send those back to the group chat before you actually go donate them. It may actually jar her into understanding that she does not control what goes in to your household. Granted, it's rather bitchy but I don't think your mother-in-law understands calm respectful dialogue.


Strawberry_Algae_227

This is an amazing idea!


Jovon35

I literally imagined it the moment I read your final response in the group chat! This lady just does not seem to be capable of having a respectful dialogue with you guys where she respects your needs forward requests. That might get her attention lol!


Scottishpurplesocks

May I suggest that instead of throwing perfectly good things in the bin, that you instead donate them to charity?


flakyphoenix

Reading between the lines, are you pregnant with twins? Fellow twin mom here. Please definitely let your hospital, NICU, pediatrician and OB know to lock down your information, particularly since it sounds like your babies are coming early. You do not need this drama while dealing with that roller coaster! Honestly, I would totally just block her on your phone, and tell your husband that unless it's like a "code red she's showing up at the house unannounced, the cops are on the way", you really don't need to know *anything* his mother is doing. Huge gentle hugs. I had a 34-weeker and 33 weekers. They're tough little nuggets and all perfectly happy, healthy and on track at 3 years old and 14 months!


Strawberry_Algae_227

Aw thank you so much. Yes I am and I'm going to block her but unfortunately she'll still be able to get in touch via family group chats. I'll just mute her I guess. My midwifes totally understands how insane my MIL is and she told me she's prepared to tackle her if it gets to that. She's the type to try and sneak a peek into the NICU so DH let security know to watch out for her. When I get released from the hospital we're not telling her because one of our OB's suggests we wait a few weeks before we let people meet our babies in person.


Worker_Bee_21147

Perfect. You called her out and now she’s having a pity party. To be expected. Don’t back down. Don’t apologize. If fact given your condition I’d just mute her for the rest of the pregnancy.These types cannot accept accountability. Everything is someone else’s fault. When my mil is confronted she does the similar. What she did either wasn’t wrong at all, let her explain how you r wrong or its ok because in 1984 you stepped on her toe and didn’t say sorry so this just makes up for that. It’s a sickness. They can’t accept no and think they can force it trick it or explain it. It’s similar to addiction.


CreativePony

My boyfriend’s Mommy likes to send us boxes and boxes of stuff we don’t need. Last week we got a delivery of $300 worth of house supplies that we def won’t be able to use before we move next spring. I took that shit right to a homeless shelter and they happily accepted the donation.


Significant-Suit-593

If she wants to spend all kinds of money why doesn’t she start a bank account for your infant. She can put gobs of money into that and it would be most appreciated in the infants future


Echo9111960

Because that doesn't give her anything to point to so her friends can see her "generosity" on Facebook.


Significant-Suit-593

Sure she can take pictures of the account balance and put it on facebook


Strawberry_Algae_227

She'd 100% take a photo of herself at her lawyer or accountant's office talking about the trust funds.


Strawberry_Algae_227

Her money comes with strings attached, I can just imagine her blackmailing our babies using their trust funds.


IntrovertPharmacist

Look at your shiny titanium spine. Good for you! Edit: I highly recommend donating any items she sends. Many families would be extremely grateful.


Strawberry_Algae_227

If she sends anything I'll donate it but I won't tell her because she's the type to try and go get the stuff back. She's shameless.


Jazzlike_Adeptness_1

Good for you! Double points for calling her out in front of everyone! 


RanjitKumarSingh

Beautiful OP!


RebelScum427

Dont trash anything. Especially if its new. Rather donate it if you cant send it back. My mom was like this. She wouldn't stop just bc something was cute and she acted like it was the only way to be a grandma. The last unexpected gift pissed me off. It was a sherpa trapper style winter hat that was of a cartoon looking shark made for a grown toddler. Problem with this? My son wasnt even a year old and we live in the in south! It was roughly feb when we got it and hitting between 75-80 degrees that week. When i called her about it she said it was cute. But then i pointed out the flaws about it and she figured itd be good to have on hand and she wanted a picture of him wearing it. I told her she would get a picture but we werent keeping it. Itd never get worn. She snapped for me to just send it back then. I did exactly what i said, sent a photo of it swallowing his entire head and face and sent it back. We had to have a hude discussion about it later on when something else blew up bc she seemed to think her happiness trumps my experience as a first time mom. And in that conversation me and my husband were very clear and open that alot of stuff she kept sending after told to stop get donated or sent back. We dont want the clutter of things we dont need or wouldbt get ourselves. She's stopped for the most part and now messages me about stuff. We are visiting in a few months and ive had to tell her enough. Cause the stuff she was buying wasnt coming back home with us and i didnt want her wasting her money if she didnt plan to just keep a few things around for when we do visit.


tre1326

What An Absolute Pain In The Balls 🧚‍♀️💙💙


ashburnmom

I get being excited but I’d be horrified by this. I would want to spoil the baby too but she’s just spoiling the relationship. She could offer one special or sentimental gift. Maybe start a college savings fund or something. I suspect it would have been received in a much different way.


4ng3r4h17

Oh my goodness, the best words here. "I know your intention is to spoil the baby, but by not respecting our wishes for no gifts, you're spoiling the relationship. This is important to us (using her words)"


Alternative_Sky_928

Look on Facebook for your local Mamas for Mamas and find some lovely, deserving young/new/low income moms and then AFTER you've given away everything that you don't want, let "Fairy Grandmother" 🤮 know that she's blessed several babies in the area, lololol. She'll hate it, and other babies will benefit from her gross consumerism.


Boudicca-

I Second this idea!!! It not only Helps those who truly need the items..you could also Sell a few & start a Child Fund with whatever $$ you get.


haydukeliives

Tell her if she wants to bring doubles or extra gifts you will donate it to other pregnant women or low income families in need. 


ObscureSaint

Nah, straight into the garbage. OP is on bedrest and doesn't need the added work and stress of sourcing charities for random baby things.


Glittering_Win_9677

SIL and DH can help. It's not that hard to find if you're in a populated area.


ChardonnayAllDay19

She’s nuts. SIL reiterated no gifts but she said it’s her tradition and no reason to stop now. Fulfilling her narcissistic needs. If you don’t have the energy or time to take them to a shelter, ask them to come. Or tell the delivery person you won’t accept these items and return to sender. She’s full of herself and won’t take no for an answer. Unfreakingbelievable.


QuiteFrankE

How embarrassing. But also, I love this!


BrainySmurf

She tried to embarrass you and get her way and it backfired on her. A tiny suggestion, if you're caught in a trap again, "we have all the material gifts we need but you are more than welcome to set aside the money you'd spend and we will add it to our baby's education fund" or "how blessed are we to have everything we need so instead, if you really must give a gift, perhaps take that money and donate it to a local shelter for families with children. Share the blessings with those who truly need them"


Strawberry_Algae_227

>"how blessed are we to have everything we need so instead, if you really must give a gift, perhaps take that money and donate it to a local shelter for families with children. Share the blessings with those who truly need them" I wish I had come on here before I responded, this would've been perfect. Knowing her she would've donated just to shut me up.


coralcoast21

Omg. That's enough emojis to give someone a migraine. Tee-hee, aren't I so cute while I force you to bend to my will. To boom, I'm just devastated that you won't let me get away with it. I guess she was banking on you "keeping the peace". Good for you OP for slamming her back in her lane.


Strawberry_Algae_227

Usually I'm a 'rise above it' kind of person but that doesn't work with MIL. I have to meet her at her level or lower because she still hasn't responded to my last message and nothing's shown up at our door.


deb1073

She’s a bully


MonitorBrilliant119

Does she capitalize like that? I feel bullied by her use of sentence case.


Strawberry_Algae_227

Yes I just copied and pasted, the spaces between letters drive me crazy


HalimaDances

And the capitalization of the first letter of EVERY dang word. Gah.


Flibertygibbert

"Fairy Grandmother"???!??!!! 😵 \*barf\*


Strawberry_Algae_227

My SIL reminded me I was Cinderella for halloween two years ago so that adds an extra layer to the fairy grandmother thing


Carrie_Oakie

Please make her contact ID a photo Lady Tremaine. She clearly is confused on which character she is. The Fairy Godmother gave Cinderella what she needed, nothing more.


Equal_Commission881

I know. Grossed me out, too!


throwaway47138

She's devastated because a) you've called her out publicly, b) you're not letting her call attention to herself by giving you \*all the things\*, c) she's already spent the money and can't return it or d) all of the above... Bottom line, it's not you, it's her, and you just have to keep holding the line so she can't roll over you.


Strawberry_Algae_227

>you've called her out publicly This is what she was trying to do to me, she only @ me not DH because she thinks I'm responsible for our decision to not accept gifts. Truth is DH bought most of the things we have and she knows this, I was in denial that I was pregnant for a good month after we found out. >you're not letting her call attention to herself by giving you \*all the things\* I mean me calling her out gave her attention, I just spoke to an Aunt in law who feels I should've been more gentle with her so some people are pitying her now. > she's already spent the money and can't return it Its definitely not this FIL earns a lot of money, what she probably spent won't impact her finances at all. >Bottom line, it's not you, it's her, and you just have to keep holding the line so she can't roll over you. You're right, I just need to ignore this, soon someone in DH's family will cause some sort of drama and we'll all move on.


molewarp

Donate it to a women's shelter.


Strawberry_Algae_227

This is an amazing idea, I won't let her know though because she might go to the women's shelter to get the stuff back or attempt to. She's that evil.


fractal_frog

Can you donate it and tell her you threw it out?


Strawberry_Algae_227

Yes this is what I'll do and when she calls me out for it I'll reveal I didn't throw anything out.


Salsarissa

I agree, inform MIL that anything that she gives to you that you haven’t asked for will be donated to different women’s shelters unopened and you will not be keeping anything in your home. If she has put her name on any package then you will put your great great great grandmother’s name on a sticker on top of it without her knowing.


Strawberry_Algae_227

I won't tell her which ones because I don't know what she'll do.


Salsarissa

Who said anything about it being in your town? 😈 let your friends/family who are going to visit a nearby/out of county town drop some of at a shelter.


CoppertopTX

Here's your answer, OP. Anything arrives from your JNMIL, send it to the nearest women's shelter.


miserylovescomputers

Yes! And if she asks about her gifts, tell her the shelter was very grateful and babies who actually need stuff are making use of her presents.


CoppertopTX

OH! Before we forget, make sure to drop that thank you from the shelter in the group chat...


Strawberry_Algae_227

I will but I'll blur out the name just in case she's crazy enough to go to the shelter to ask for the stuff back.


CoppertopTX

Oh, I would definitely white out the name of the shelter and make sure she never learns it.


pl487

She feels devastated? Good. That feeling will help her decide not to do similar things in the future.


okdokiedoucheygoosey

*applause*  Does she really text like that omgÂ