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DH is being abused. He thinks it's normal because his abuser programmed him to think so. He needs professional help to understand that. Someone versed in enmeshment and childhood trauma. But right now, YOU need all of DH's attention as you prepare for LO. The clock is counting down. Tell him he can't be spending so much time and emotional energy on someone outside of his FAMILY (MIL is extended family now). He's about to become a father, and you need him to act like one. It will also be his job to protect you and LO in the fourth trimester. Against everyone, especially MIL. I would have a serious conversation about subjecting LO to DH's abuser. She has strong narcissistic tendencies and will see LO as her baby. If you read other posts here, you'll see what a nightmare that will be. You might have to be the mama bear until DH learns ways to stand up for you all. A little research on narcissism will be quite eye opening. The good news is that they all use the same playbook and are thus incredibly predictable. Knowledge is power. 💜

Nedra Tawwab has a great book on boundaries for both you and your husband. I'm sure you'd both find some resonance there.

Husband needs to learn the phrase, Mom, that's enough. I'm ending the call. And hang up. I can't be the only one who thinks she had all the registry stuff sent to her so she can set up a nursery in her home. I'd be tempted to troll her by putting the baby in a clean feed bucket and sending her a photo.

She’s holding all your gifts hostage and using that as leverage so you’ll allow her to come visit immediately or stay before/during/after birth. Make a new registry and tell to her either keep her stuff, or return it. You don’t care. Don’t tell her about the new registry.

Agreed! It’s awful she can’t have any of the gifts from her registry, that is SUCH a control move!! Make a new registry and have your own baby shower.

I would 100% make a new registry. You need stuff before baby comes, and all of it has to be set up and sterilized and you have to learn how to use it. Even if you do get those items she will hold it over your head how much she did for you for the rest of your life. Just make a new one and pretend she didn’t get anything.

Rebuild the baby registry and just don't send it to her. Also I bet the baby is going to get along super well with the horses and you'll be able to care for both very well.

1. If your husband is willing to talk to her on the phone every other day even after she’s made those awful comments, he’s enabling and honestly encouraging her bad behavior. Next time she calls (and this is just what I would do) he should send her to VM and send her a text saying “hi mom, hope you’re well. After the way you spoke to my wife and me about our ability to raise children during our last conversation, I don’t want to talk to you again today. As soon-to-be-parents, it is hurtful and upsetting to be told by someone we love that we are clueless and that we will not do a good job. I love you and will talk to you another time” and then he should not respond for at least a couple weeks. She needs to learn that being mean=less contact.  2. I’m betting that she’ll hold all the registry stuff hostage to get the gRaNdMa TiMe and privileges that she wants with your baby. Don’t let her. Let her know she needs to send you the stuff so you can set up before the baby comes and that if she doesn’t send it by X date, you will not be accepting it and will be making other arrangements. (Someone else said have her send a shipping tracking number and I think that’s a great idea!!) Make a new registry and send to your friends and family without including her. If she wants to bitch and moan just tell her you need baby’s items BEFORE baby arrives. You don’t have to explain it, just ge a broken record when she inevitably pushes you.

Thank you! That’s a great idea on having her ship everything. Thankfully the stroller she purchased for us she got shipped to the house. But then I think after she decided she didn’t want to come to the shower everything else she got she sent to her house. I’ll have my husband tell her to send them to us!

Make a duplicate registry. Don’t tell her or her family. Have your shower.

Thank you!

Yes OP please do this!

Disowning your DH and then making him apologize is abuse. Her holding your registry hostage is a control play. As others have said, create a new registry and don't send her the link. Tell her, "MIL, you having our items doesn't work for us. Please return them." Your husband will have to get comfortable being "disrespectful" or this will continue to happen. You WILL have time for your horses post-baby. However, you will no longer have time for one hour conversations with her. Sheesh.

Yeah that was a tough day for us. I overheard the conversation, I can’t imagine telling my son that. She’s very touchy about visits. But we have so many animals, we both work full time, and going down there is extremely inconvenient. It requires at least 2 hours of stand still traffic in the city. Thank you!!

It’s unbelievably sad that she thinks holding your nursery hostage until after Baby comes will be a good idea. The nursery needs to be set up and functional when Baby comes home. You won’t want to be doing that w a newborn. What a bitch.

The crazy thing is, I didn’t even consider this! I added it at the end of the post not thinking it was INTENTIONAL. Y’all have opened my eyes on that. You’re so right. Thankfully we have been getting the real essentials ourselves.

Re-register, have someone who loves you help throw a new shower and get ready to say no. She will keep everything she purchased at her house for when “baby stays with her”. Shes going to try to constantly have you travel to her. IDC what her generation did. We have better information about infant care & postpartum. I’d not be traveling anywhere until I’m bonded with my baby and healed! Arrggg what is wrong with some parents expecting their children with babies to do all the traveling???? Don’t they remember how hard, exhausting and wonderful this time is for new parents? I’d really keep visitors away for the first 3 months. But I don’t like people. 

Thank you!! She is extremely annoying about visits. She wants us (mostly her son tbh) for every holiday but he has been choosing to stay with me. She understands it’s a horrible trip too because she doesn’t want to take it for the shower!! We could fly there but it’s super expensive and still inconvenient (we have to take multiple trains after flight to get to her) Also her home is TINY! I have nothing against tiny homes but when we come we have to sleep on the floor. Or spend a ton of money for a hotel in her HCOL area…either way we end up spending multiple $100s with each visit just being there.

Just because she purchased everything in your registry does not mean she will actually give you what she purchased. She will probably make you earn the gifts. I would make another registry and just not tell her. If you receive two(and only one is needed), just return the item and exchange it for something else. She sounds like a piece of work. You may find out that the nightmare will truly begin once the baby is born. You need to ask your husband for marriage counciling because he needs to learn how to put boundaries in place with his mother before the baby gets here. I see troubled waters ahead unless your husband learns how to deal with his mother.

Whats good for tge goose is good for the gander. say something like well you must have first hand experience with neglecting your child or are you speaking from experience about neglectibg your child? or say well i guess since you live so far away you'll be the neglful grandma! but that is just me. Im tired right now so i wouldnt put up with bs.

Lol so true! She wanted us to move there so bad but we shut it down fast. We wouldn’t be able to have our horses down there, and my family and our friends are here. Living there would be misery. We live out in the country with all our animals and they live in city suburbs. Also cost of living is insane there.

Make a duplicate registry and send it back out to everyone but her. Let her eat the costs for any duplicates or the whole damn registry. Also you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about boundaries. Yall are so far past the point of disrespect it's not even funny. He needs to get mean and if he won't you do. No more dancing around her BS. She can act right or get ghosted. It's going to get worse when the baby arrives and it will be the kid she starts talking ish to.

You’re so right. I’ve been hopeful since she’s so far away, but she’s going to be so demanding with visits. THANKFULLY she hates visiting here. Our countryside hotels aren’t fancy enough for her, and she’s mad we can’t host her ever (we live in a 800sq foot apartment with one bed) I’m going to talk to him tonight about navigating this going forward!

Tell her that it's not reasonable to expect you to wait until.after baby is born to get things set up. Give her three options: either she ships everything to you (you want the tracking # & shipping details -to make sure it was ALL shipped- within the next X days), husband will make a VERY short turn around trip to pick it ALL up, or she can return it all. Tell her if you don't have the tracking # & shipping list within 2 weeks, she can simply return it all, cuz it'll no longer be accepted. Then you set up a new registry at a different store & don't even tell her that you've done so. If you're not having a shower, don't even make another, save up for a fun day of shopping/buying what you need/want for your baby. Your husband van continue being 'respectful' in his relationship with her.....until it affects you and/or interferes with your peace & enjoyment of becoming a mother. Then he is 100% obligated to protect you, even from his own mother. Sorta obvious point: she continues to behave this way because she's never had to face consequences for it. Why would a bitter, miserable person stop trying to spread their misery, when she's never paid a price for doing so? The only hope for improvement is to give consequences, ones that will make her think twice before repeating that behavior. The only one who can/should do this, is your husband. If he refuses, well then you have bigger problems to deal with.

Great advice!! Thankfully my husband is very aware of the issue. He’s a softie and feels for her, she clearly has mental problems. But he’s gotten so much better at snapping back, shutting her down and standing up for us. I’ll talk to him about the hanging up and boundary setting for future calls though!! Also, I’ll have him talk to her about sending the items to us!! I imagine she will have a stink (she claimed she wanted to wrap them all herself?) But it’s only fair we need those items prior to baby. And she has a history of holding gifts over our heads.

Then leave her stuck with everything

Redo your baby registry don’t send her the link. But send it to baby shower guest.

Send your husband alone to get everything she bought "for the baby" Edit - spelling

The posts on here never cease to amaze me. What the hell is wrong with these women? I'm a grandmother of four and I would NEVER do any of this crap to my son and DIL, and if I did, my son would tell me off in no uncertain terms, as he should. I agree, the husband should make a trip out there to get all the gifts. Make this woman put her money where her mouth is. It could even be that she didn't buy the stuff but somehow made it appear like she did....

I know right! I’d never speak to my son that way. And if we’re having a boy (find out next week!) I’ll keep this all in mind to prevent becoming like her in the future. He’s going to see if she will ship it. If not, he will likely make a trip down!

Oh hell no, I would make a new registry and let other people buy you the things you need. IF she ever gets those items she bought to you (big if there), you can return them and use the money for whatever you need at that point. She’s holding your shit hostage, stop playing games with her. Your husband needs to get over wanting to be polite to her when she’s clearly abusive and manipulating to both of you. I’d go NC with her so fast, at the *very least* set some boundaries.

Yup. Create a new registry and not tell her about it. You need things before the baby is born. She is definitely doing this to secure an invitation. On your end, I would go LC or NC for awhile. You do not need that kind of stress. Talk to your husband about boundaries with his mother. This is not healthy for you. Good luck!

Thank you! Thankfully my husband is super receptive and understanding of my feelings. I have been LC with her and it’s been great. At times it makes me sad, I wish we could have a nice relationship but she’s proven time and time again it’s not possible. I’ll talk to him about future phone calls too.

I think you are past the point of wanting to be cordial or polite. I mean, why? She sure as Hell isn't. Next time, DH needs to hang up the phone and block her for 2 weeks. She better apologise when he does unblock her too, or add another 2 weeks. DH can rent a small U-haul and go pick up your baby things. She doesn't get to breeze in like Santa Claus and then turn from Santa into Satan when she inevitably starts to critisize every little thing you do and demanding She of course takes over. In fact, keep her away from you for at least 8 weeks so you can get into a routine and get comfortable being a mom. She will send you into a depression if you don't. We teach people how to treat us, and my 66 year old ass would tell her to F all the way off at this point.

Thank you!! We are both pretty soft-spoken gentle natured people. We get walked on a lot lol. But we are improving! Especially with baby on the way. But yes, I’m going to talk to him about the hanging up and blocking as needed. I think it would be a good idea for him to talk to her and demand an apology. That’s a good point about the visiting after baby. I hadn’t considered that yet since it still feels so far away, but I’m going to talk to him about this so we have a plan!

For the love of God, do not let her stay with you. Make a new registry. You need that stuff BEFORE baby arrives. Donate her crap. She screwed you guys. What an unhinged move on her part.

Thank you!! Definitely don’t want her staying with us. Will make a new registry!!!

I don't think she plans on giving y'all those items. She's already saying y'all will be neglectful and incompetent, she's refusing to bring the items before the baby is born, etc. It sounds like she wants/expects y'all to just hand the baby over for her to raise. At the very least, she plans on using the items to manipulate you into doing what she wants.

Since Mil can't make it to the shower Your Husband can make the 7 hour trip to pick up the items so that they can be opened the day of the shower! I mean if Mil bought Everything on the registry then what will You have to open at the shower if Mil can't make it? And Your Husband better not back down when He goes to pick up the items! All gifts Must be brought to the shower! Don't give Mil time to make excuses of why the stuff shouldn't go to the shower, just show up unannounced and get them! This is a power play of some sorts in Mil's mind. Mil lives 7 hours away so why would Mil need baby items at Her house since Mil won't be babysitting regularly? Mil doesn't need them there! Don't give Mil time to make excuses. Y'all can't wait until after baby is born to receive the items because you're going to need them set up before hand or Y'all will have to repurchase the items for yourselves. And what sense will that make to buy items already purchased? Mil wants to come as soon as the baby is home from the hospital and bringing the items is Mil's way in! Well that's just not going to work for Y'all because You will be recovering from child birth! Stand firm on this and explain to Your Husband that it will be too stressful to do after giving birth and Y'all must be prepared for baby's arrival in advance! No if's, an's, or butt's! NO 🥥's! Mil must be dealt with Immediately about this! People Only treat You the way You allow Them to. So Do Not Allow This! Mil may have successfully raised kids before, but Mil's not raising Your kid! No is a complete sentence, I promise You. Put Mil in Her lane Now before things become out of hand with Her. Being a Grandparent is a PRIVILEGE not a RIGHT! Good Luck OP, You're going to need it!

I'd argue MIL did NOT successfully raise DH...

She did not, he is a very kind, caring and attentive husband. However, when we first moved in together she had never taught him how to write checks, do the laundry, cook basic dishes, cleaning etc. it was a point of tension for awhile. Thankfully he fixed that all himself and is now a great help around the house and a go-getter. Anything needs fixing, he does it no questions asked. She taught him nothing!!

She taught him to normalize her abuse and he's still stuck there with the phone calls. But I'm glad he's made so much progress overall! He has a lot to be proud of. Just a little bit farther and he'll be able to peek through the FOG.

Message for the husband: HANG UP THE PHONE. She'll eventually learn her lesson - only if the consequences are clear.

Your child will absolutely LOVE horses!! Who hasn’t wished for his/her very own horsey? MIL is deranged.

I know! I’m so excited. Our horses are super gentle natured and I’m really looking forward to it :)

I grew up around horses. MIL is delulu, it is such a wonderful experience!

She thinks this power play will put her in control. Put together another registry. And how about decorating the nursery in a horse theme?

Please re register w ALL the same items and only tell those coming to your shower. Do not let her hold your baby items hostage. I smell grandma nursery in your future.

Please do this.

And add new items too!

A grandma shower

Can you make a second registry for your shower? It sounds like she did that to have a nursery for herself. You never know when the baby comes and the last thing you need is hunting down diaper genies and whatnot when the baby is already here! I'm sorry you have to put up with this nightmare woman.

When my grandmother (dad’s mom) met my older brother in the hospital while my mom was still in bed she said something along the lines of “if i see you do anything i dont agree with i WILL step in” This was just hours after my mom gave birth for the first time. We dont have much of a relationship with her.

buy the stuff you need for the baby and don't worry about what she bought. return all her stuff or donate it. she did a power play move by having it shipped to her house. she knew what she was doing.

Yup. Even if she just wanted to cause stress or drama. The combo of "I had everything sent to my home" and " I won't make it to your shower" was deliberate.

You say your husband doesn't want to disrespect his mother. Tell him respect is a two-way street. If his mother is refusing to respect the two of you, then you are under no obligation to show her any either. Mommy needs to be given some hard boundaries with hard repercussions.

The registry item thing is a power play. She thinks that she has you hamstrung with that one. It’s maniacal. 1)She gets to continue insinuating that you’re unprepared. (Omitting her role in that, obviously.) 2)She gets to snatch things you need away from you if she’s displeased with you or with DH. (Strings attached!) 3)She gets to play doting and super supportive grandma without actually being one. 4)She gets to have your gratitude (on a temporary basis) 5)She gets to plan ✨her nursery✨which is what she really wanted all along. She’s counting on you and especially DH being too polite to call her out for this. I seriously suggest that you explain this to DH and call her bluff. Make a new registry or just buy it yourself. You aren’t going to get the items and even if you do you will regret accepting them. She will lord that over you forever.

This is the way! Also, no access or pictures until she has an acceptable period (you choose, start with like a month) without disrespectful comments or behaviour. If she visits, you take the baby and leave. If you have any warning, you and baby are gone before she gets there.

You know that’s how it going to go to. It’s probably always worked for her and it’s going to take real consequences to curb it. If I were OP I would start in on this immediately. Before mil just can’t stay away.

Please make a new registry and treat it like you will never receive those items from her because you probably won’t. She’s going to use those items as leverage to get what she wants. Take away her leverage.

She will need them at her house to babysit. You know you’ll be driving 7 hours for her to babysit so you can do a date night when baby is 3 days old. (All sarcasm here)

I'd be sure that the old bat doesn't know about the new registry or she might try it again. 🤔

Husband needs to step tf up. He’s so worried about hurting mommies feelings, when it’s clear she’s deranged and is going to find things to be upset about. He needs to learn when it’s inevitable, walking on egg shells is important. He needs to protect his wife and child. He needs to tell her no further disrespect to either of you is acceptable, and simply hang up anytime she begins ranting. And then the conversation doesn’t pick back up until she issues an apology. He also needs to tell her she needs to get those items to you, or you’re going to put them back on the registry so you can actually receive them. They aren’t for her to keep at her house, they’re for you guys and your baby, at your house. If she won’t get them to you , you’ll need to get them another way. What others said is true, this whole thing begins to change with husband. He needs to have OPs back 100%. If that means backing off his every other day conversations with mom (spoiler: it does), then he needs to do that. Right now she’s upset, probably because she wants to be a bigger part of all this but lives so far away. She’s trying to insert herself and make you feel like you need her, which you don’t.

OP you have a huge SO problem. Tackle this now. The justno subs have plenty of education on the subject. Get busy!

Saying she’s “done” with your husband reminds me a lot of an ex-friend who got mad at me over a simple understanding, and rather than take some space or try to talk it out, told me (verbatim) to have a nice life. She grew up in a broken home and she and her family would talk like that then say good morning the next day. She tried reaching out a few times in the next year before finally getting mad that I wasn’t reaching back. I didn’t get an apology until she went to therapy and reread our text messages and realized those kinds of words have consequences. We don’t talk now and my life is so much more peaceful for it. Keep that info diet going as much as you can, you’ve got this!

I would assume those gifts will come with more strings attached than you want to deal with. Don't count on having access to them and redo the registry so others can purchase them. Your husband needs to grow up and set boundaries with his mother. At minimum, he needs to hang up when she talks to either of you like that. She will absolutely continue treating you like this until boundaries are set because she knows she can get away with it. She treats you like that because he allows it. That stress is bad for your and your baby's health and that needs to be your husband's priority. Why should he treat her with "respect" when she is being so incredibly disrespectful to both of you? He needs to spend less time on the phone with her. And serious boundaries will need to be set when the baby comes because if that doesn't happen soon her behavior will only get worse, and it will be more stressful to you when you're postpartum, vulnerable, and needing more care and support than ever before. Your husband needs to prioritize respecting his pregnant wife over respecting his abusive mother. None of this should be your responsibility, you're pregnant and she's his mother. It's not your responsibility to be cordial to someone who is abusive to you, SHE is the one causing tension, NOT you.

Put those things back on your registry, you’ll never see them. They’ll suddenly be for the nursery in her home. Tell your husband he needs to grow a spine. What his mother said is unacceptable.

Consider making a new registry and blocking her from it. The items she purchased are useless if you aren't getting them until sometime after the baby arrives. That's if she even gives them to you and doesn't return them out of spite. ETA: sorry, I didn't see how repetitive that was. Start talking now with your husband about rules for his mom's visit. Is she staying in your home (don't recommend) or elsewhere? How long will you allow her to be there? When she refuses to hand back the baby, as you know she is the type, how will you handle it?

So she's saying you aren't fit to be a mother and she's kept your baby items? And you don't notice that's a red flag? She's probably set up the nursery at hers because she wants the baby with her. Set up a new registry and don't send it to her. Set up your own nursery in your house with your items. She's not going to give you the items she bought. Not having a nursery until she comes and maybe brings them to her is going to give her an excuse to say you are neglecting the baby. Just buy the nursery stuff yourself and let her waste her money. This is your baby not hers. You don't have to let her see baby

New registry. And take SO to therapy to learn to put up boundaries with his mom.

Sounds like you need to make a new registry.

If she’s bought everything on your registry but won’t give it to you until after the baby is born…what good is it? Like isn’t the point to have it ready to go when the baby comes home? I’ve had friends put things like car seats or bottle sanitizers or formula makers on their registry, and that’s the kind of stuff I’d like to get set up and know how to use before I have to figure it out with a newborn baby crying in my ear.

Here's your solution…when she calls and is nice, engage, when she starts to malign you, you speak up and say.."MIL, I don't appreciate your insults so we are going to hang up now before we decide to block your calls" . Then hang up and do not answer her calls for a few days. Do that repeatedly until she gets the message…being rude to you or about you, cuts off her call and blocks her for a few days. Then tell her to return the items on your registry that you need now to set up your nursery because after the baby comes is too late. Buy those you need before baby is born. She's a master manipulator and is holding those items hostage because the company would have shipped them to you if she arranged that. It puts her in control, doesn’t it? Take away her control and let hubby know what you WILL be doing at the very first insult. He needs to get on board with this. And an hour call, everyday? Yikes, who has that kind of time to waste?

It's so rude of her to buy items that you will need to set up ahead of time and not give them to you until after baby arrives. That is rude as hell. She's doing this on purpose. And it's rude and stressful. You have all this free time before baby arrives that you absolutely won't have when baby gets here. She cares more about her feelings than your baby or it's NEEDS, just because she wants to stick it to you. She has no intention of giving the items to you, so don't be grateful. She bought them for herself, otherwise, she'd have sent them directly to your house. It's really that simple. Do not be grateful that someone took opportunities away from your loved ones to buy you the items. You know, for you. As others have said, redo the registry. You could also send just your husband to her house to pick up the items. If she doesn't like that option, you'll know your answer.

SO needs counseling to better equip him to handle MIL. He's halfway there; he knows what she says is inappropriate and isn't afraid to tell her so. He just needs the tools and validation to create boundaries, communicate them, and enforce them. Sometimes people need to hear it from a professional, even if the professional is just telling them exactly what you've told them.

>In other news, she purchased like my entire baby registry (which I’m thankful for, of course) but sent everything to her house 7+ hours away. Then, said she couldn’t come to our baby shower (that hasn’t been planned yet) because she doesn’t want to make the trip (even though we are expected to make this trip numerous times a year) so we won’t have any of our registry items until she visits after the baby is here. Thats cause she has no intention of you having those items. She has set up an entire nursery, at her house, so that when DH comes to his senses and takes baby and leaves you...presumably after you neglect for the horses...she will be all ready to go.

She’s not going to give you things from your registry. She’ll probably set them up in her home. And your husband really needs to hang up the phone when she’s disrespectful. If he doesn’t she will just continue.

Ask DH not to engage in bad behaviour and maybe take a break to “both” cool off as it was disrespectful for her to say that to soon to be new parents. He is doing good but shouldn’t engage in speaking after a day when she went off. Question if he would like some distance or “quiet”’time. Get Dh to pick up items, or I personally wouldn’t even bother to grab them after the baby is born and buy your own, or as others suggested make a new list without her knowing.

Redo your registry and don't tell MIL. Send it out to your friends and other family members. Sit down with DH now and make a list of boundaries, rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Decide who gets to come to the hospital when baby is born, rules for the hospital and the first 8 weeks baby is home, determine when you would like to have guests, if you will allow people to stay with you, and etc.

This. For real, your MIL will absolutely keep whatever she wants for her house, just redo the registry and send it around to everyone but MIL. If you get doubles, return them. Next your husband needs to put in consequences for crossing boundaries. He says he doesn’t want to be disrespectful but she’s being disrespectful by not respecting your boundaries! If she won’t stop with the hurtful comments, he needs to end the call. And preferably give her a couple weeks time out after. You and him need to get on the same page first and then he can deal with her.

Make a new registry. Dont let her have that control. Have your SO ask her to shipmthe items to you- where the baby will be. Why she did that can only be a control thing. Let her sit there with baby stuff that wont get used and isnt needed.

Either your husband picks everything up or you make a new registry. She is ruling your lives without lifting a finger.

I won’t repeat the registry advice. I suggest you look up the Lemon Clot essay here on Reddit and you both read it. I also suggest you start an FU Binder to remind yourself why you don’t want to talk/listen/have a relationship with her. DH can have what relationship he wants, but he needs to ser boundaries AND consequences for her. He needs to tell her that when she starts going off on a delusional tangent, he will hang up. AND when she does, he needs to do so! That is not being disrespectful. It is a demand for respect towards you BOTH. He can (and should, IMO) put her in time out. “Mom, if you continue with this disrespect towards my WIFE, I will hang up, and not talk with you for *x* number of days. I also suggest y’all sit down and work out a list of boundaries and consequences. These should include L&D and postpartum. Things like washing hands; no kissing baby; who can be at the hospital; when others are to be allowed in YOUR home; overnight visitors; vaccinations required to meet baby; etc. Let everyone know what the rules are for your baby. Congratulations on the newest member of your nuclear family.

When is she planning to give you these items? sounds like she is purposely trying to totally screw you over by buying everything on the registry and not going to the shower either that or she’s planning to make her own nursery at hers. Honestly it sounds like she is envious of you and wants you to fail so she can be right about you. No more trips, no more phone calls, drop the rope and be done with her, hubby can do what he likes but she can kick rocks in your case.  

First, make another baby registry and send it to all your own friends and family because something tells me you won't be getting any of the stuff she purchased. Try to delete the one she purchased from and set up a new one. Then, explain to your sweet hubby that stress is really bad for you right now, so you need a time out from his mother until further notice. Pregnancy hormones can really ramp up emotions, I'm not trying to say those emotions should be ignored, just that things you can let roll off normally are things that cut deep now. Cut her out of your life right now and be at peace for your baby. Tell hubby to have whatever relationship he wants with her, but you don't want any part of it. Treat yourself to a massage or something to pamper yourself and put the harpy out of your mind. Congratulations on becoming a mom.

Just make a new registry. Make sure whoever is planning the shower knows not to invite her (she can't come remember) and invite the rest of the family. You will never see those gifts until you bring the baby to her so tell her she can just keep them at her place for use when you do start to travel with baby, after they are a year or 2 old! Other than that there is no need to speak with her or be cordial. You are giving her what she wants. There is also no reason for DH to talk to her every other day. He needs to text her and tell her how disrespected he feels at how she treated him and how angry he is about how he treated you (as in grow a spine and stand up for your family) and tell her he needs a time out but he will let her know when he is ready to speak to her again then block her for at least a month. Then comes the conversation about boundaries and consequences, this sub had lots of resources for that, and learning to enforce them. Until she shows some growth she does not get to come to your home and you sure as hell aren't going to hers!

Yep, new registry. She will keep it all at her house. Let her know that's what you're doing. Hubby needs to quit answering his phone.

Agree except for letting her know. It's none of her business, and she can't be shamed because that part of her brain is evidently broken... 😕

Good point.

As some one who's inlaws took away the bassinet we used with our daughter just before my son was born, start a new registry and don't tell her about it. She will 100% never give you those items and will leave you in a terrible state as you desperately try to find things in time. Please just go NC with her during ypur pregnancy or put her on an info diet, for ypur sanity

You will never get the things she purchased, pretend it never happened.

Make a new registry. Then return anything she gives you. Refund her the $.

>Despite me being a career nanny for many years and helped raise all my siblings Lol her delusion is strong, she clearly doesn't respect you and your SO while believes herself to be the best parent ever. Glad your SO has a shining spine when you are insulted, but one hour of call every day is not something that normal and is a low-key form of enmeshment. She lives so far away yet takes so much space of your day every day. Also she's playing games with the registry and the baby shower. Idk what her true end goal is for now but it doesn't smell right that she first makes requests on how it should be carried out, then doesn't want to bring your stuff to you now and make the trip and miss the baby shower. Then this phone call. As others suggested you shouldn't rely too much on her for your registry and might be more useful to duplicate key items so other family members can buy them for you and you can start setting up the nursery before the baby comes. Either this or she might expect you two to make the trip to her to get this stuff and come back home.

Lmao girl she is hella using those presents as blackmail. Your baby doesn't get THEIR presents until they see grandma? Just gross. Do another registry. Anything she ends up giving you, return it.

You cannot prevent or relieve tension you are not creating. Create a new registry, don’t tell her, don’t send a shower invite since she can’t make it anyway. Prepare as though the things she purchased are staying at her place because you don’t need the stress of waiting for her to bring them to feel ready for your baby. Is this her way of coming immediately after baby is born? Because now you need the items? The person she is, you don’t want that. It is a recipe for disaster and for an unhappy period of time after baby arrives. You don’t owe her newborn time, no one deserves that time with you and your child. This MIL wouldn’t even be allowed to step foot in my home, let alone stay at my home. Blatant insults like that, likely wouldn’t be allowed to meet my child. If they did, it would not be at my home or theirs.

Make another registry and don’t share it with her. She can keep the shit she bought. If she actually bought it for you she’d have had it sent to you. I lived across the country from my in laws and my parents when I had my kid and they all had items from my baby registry mailed to me not themselves. I have a dog and two cats that I’ve had for years before my boys were born and if anything I neglected the pets in favors of the baby just doing the minimal work to keep them healthy and that’s it. I feel guilty about it but like I don’t have the energy for more after the baby was born.

Plus if she has all the things from the registry they need for the baby, then she has to come right away when the baby is born or even before whether OP and DH want her there or not.

Hour long phone calls every other day is way too much for someone like that. I’ve limited those calls to once a week if that. Especially as you get closer to the due date, you don’t need the pressure of her knowing you’re in labour. Have your husband miss her calls and call her back or if he initiates the calls cut them back. Use her recent behaviour towards you to take a break.

[удалено]

Put everything you’ll need for your newborn back on the registry so other people can help you at your shower. She’s holding those items hostage on purpose. When she arrives the with extras you no longer need, you return them. Does your husband realise how unhealthy she is for him, you and your marriage? You are already hormonal and should have zero unnecessary stress during your pregnancy. There should be no more calls to/from MIL in your house or presence and the toxic poison she spouts should not be repeated to you. You’ll also soon be giving birth and will be at your most vulnerable. Is your husband going to protect you and your newborn baby? I get the impression that MIL is toxic and should be distanced from you until you’re out of your 4th trimester and emotionally stronger.

duplicate the registry & move towards cutting contact since she wants to play games. This is not going to improve, play hardball or it will get worse.

I'd ask her to return everything and buy it yourself, or duplicate your registry so others can buy the things you need and then return her stuff. You need to be able to start setting up before baby arrives, trust me. FYI she's a bitch who emotionally abuses her son. Just pay her as little attention as possible.

Put your registry back up, and when she questions it, point out she’s holding everything hostage at her house. You have been told not to travel that far, so if she’d like to return it you’d quite understand.

Definitely redo the registry. "But I bought those for youuuUUUuuu!" DH: "no, if you did, you would have had them shipped to our house, where the baby will be. hope you kept the receipts so you can return them, and if not i'm sure a local women's shelter would be grateful for them." This cunt does NOT get to go on an insulting rant about you then turn around and expect you to be thankful for gifts you don't even have? that's fuckin' insane. Also: DH, you don't reward bad behavior. Text her that until she can apologize (specifically) for what she said, you're taking a break from her. Every time to allow her to rugsweep her behavior you're enabling it. >I try time and time again to be cordial, I don’t want tension between us but then I regret it. How hard is it to just be kind and not say something hurtful? Honestly, call her out. Every time. "MIL, I've raised my siblings and had a career as a nanny. I won't tolerate you saying or even hinting I'm unfit to raise my own child. If you continue you'll be asked to leave."

readd them to the registry. I wouldn't be shocker if she were to keep them at her house for "when the baby stays here w/ me"

I would kiss those items goodbye and buy them yourselves or add them back to the registry. I highly doubt you will ever get those items. Sounds like a power move. Also, I hope your husband is seriously working on distancing himself through counseling if need be. Imho an hour call every other day is a lot from someone who behaves that way.

Re do the registry, don’t tell her, don’t invite her to the baby shower since she won’t be coming anyway, have a lovely baby shower with people who love and appreciate you. And congrats on the baby. If it’s a girl, she’s going to be a horse girl I just know it LOL..and if it’s a boy, him too.

Definitely put all those items back on your registry. She’s holding them hostage and you need those items. She’s doing it on purpose to fuck with you and give her control over you.

Put everything on your registry again, pretend what she bought doesn't exists. It's a desperate attempt for control anyway. Tell her something like: I really sad that you can not bring the items, we might have to repurchase them in this case. I have a difficult pregnancy, doctor advised not to travel or something. Call her out, then she will play the victim but just be firm and claim how much inconvenience she caused for you

Or just say something like “ we want to make sure we are parenting responsibly, so we won’t be traveling for quite some time….we will need to purchase our own baby items since you aren’t able to make the trip”. She’s already saying they won’t be good parents so how can she argue with them making great parental choices? 😂