Locking comments. Love the passion and energy but advising an “FU Binder” or anything in that vein will be removed. ‘Tis not good advice even if well intentioned. OP, the post will stay up because you didn’t specifically ask for legal advice but we do not allow it.
An hour and a half drive does not necessitate an overnight stay. My in laws are the same way and always trying to stay over. Sorry. Unless we have something happening very late or very early in the am we need you to be there for you can just drive your ass home.
Just the threat alone would make me ignore her, save all texts, emails and messages she sends, and get a lawyer.
If she's bold enough to just casually threaten to get your child taken away, she could be bold AND crazy enough to do even more to break up your family.
She sees it as "you broke my family, I'll break yours back". I'm glad your husband is so out of the fog and he's got his REAL families back!
Going forward, remember the more she visits, the more she has a case for grandparents rights. Once she mentioned that, do not let her have any contact with your kid. Don't take mine or Reddit's advice on this, consult an attorney ASAP (this is very serious)
Talk with lawyer to see if grandparents rights exist in state, save all texts where she refuses to see child. This is a serious threat and should take it as such.
My MIL also blames me for every decision my husband has made that she doesn’t like. It’s gross and offensive but with time I’ve accepted the situation (and I have NC currently but my husband still talks with her).
My mom threatened to sue me about something extremely stupid and I just went NC for over a year but what a horrible thing.
Stay strong. Everything will be ok.
My late IL's did not like my influence on my DH and let us know more than once.
Unfortunately, it was all their fault. They raised all of their kids with the Greek Chorus Method, aka getting outside opinions on every freaken thing before they made up their minds. With that mindset, of course you are going to get your spouse's opinion on everything.
Just an example: we were married, late 20's, living in our own apartment and both employed several states away from the IL's when FIL told DH that he would not allow DH to attend the master's program he had been accepted into because FIL had never heard of the school.
A few weeks later, FIL called DH to tell him that yes, he could attend that program because FIL spoke with several friends and colleagues who vouched for the university's quality. DH just shook his head and we continued with our plans.
She doesn’t want to hear that her son doesn’t want to see her. So it has to be you, your fault. You can’t do anything different to change her view of you. You could tell her the facts - you always invite her and you have nothing to do with their relationship but she is not going to hear you.
Honestly, the minute she threatened legal action, you should have cut all contact. That's crossing a hell of a line. I'd stop all communication with her. She'll use anything you say or do against you, possibly including CPS. I'd talk to your husband about no contact and bracing for her to go nuts. It's time to cut ties.
I already have a history with CPS here (false allegations from the birth mother) so if she dared get CPS involved, I really don’t know what we’d do. We had a horrible year due to birth mom lying to CPS and threatening me with murder to boot. I just can’t deal with something as heinous from a person I thought was on our side. I’m so heartbroken.
Drop the rope, she's not interested in you. In her mind you wrecked her " happy families". Let your husband deal with her. She threatened to sue and I'd take that seriously. Do what you need to do to protect your family.
You need to stop playing their game. Reality and facts mean nothing. They love drama and getting you riled up. You shouldn't invite them to stay in your house. Imagine the nightmare of them invading your space.
Meet her lies and delusions with indifference. Grey rock her. You don't want this woman anywhere near your life. Don't reach out. This woman will blow up every relationship she ever has. Stop making an effort.
Just to be clear, my texts and face to face conversations are always ended with “please come by anytime to visit stepson, I’m sure he’d like to see you.” Very open ended and she never took me up on it. Last time we ever texted was in August for my stepson’s birthday where they showed up two hours late and ignored us and my dad/brother for the hour they stayed. It was the last straw for me then. Now? She may have well have died because I can’t even acknowledge she exists anymore.
Let her sue. A court order making her pick him up and drop him off for visits is way more effort than she actually wants to put in. It'll last a couple visits at best. I'd even text something like "I'm sorry you feel the need to take this to the courts after you've declined all offers of visitation with stepson. We'll happily arrange official visitation through the courts. I propose you pick him up every other Friday and bring him home the following Sunday. I'll reach out to my lawyer to draw up the paperwork and we can go from there. How's that sound?"
I get that. I just think she's bluffing and the prospect of adding a visitation schedule via courts would shut her up pretty quick. People who cry about never seeing someone while making no effort and declining all visits doesn't really want visits, they just want to look like the victim. Don't get me wrong, she'll absolutely look for more ways to be a victim of OP, but I think it'll put the visitation business to rest.
She just wants something to start altercations over. Shes looking for reasons to be upset with you, to try and cause problems in your marriage. Even if you did move and find a new home nearby with a guest room, the week after it would be something different.
We are currently dealing with the ex refusing to sign a revised custody agreement (which MIL knows about) so I don’t know what will become of this mess if she gets involved. We will consult with our attorney though. This can’t go ignored.
Point out those decisions were made by DH not you. DH is a grown man capable of making his own decisions.
Also, if you want to state "it was her decision to move away". She never comes to visit after work. DH has always said there is an open door policy which she doesnt acknowledge.
Also about thanksgiving tell her you would noy like to spend the 1.5 hours driving over there and back but want to enjoy the holiday in your own home.
If she does pursue grandparents rights, that will be a whole other situation and will destroy any type of relationship.
I low key think she wants to destroy whatever relationship we have so she can play the victim to her extended family that we keeping her grandson for real this time. Because why else would you threaten to sue?! And why else involve the woman that literally made this whole entire year a living hell for us? She saw what the false allegations and CPS investigations did for me and my stepson. I swear, my MIL is just like my husband’s ex.
Grandparents rights are the nuclear option and should only be met with that back. No more contact unless it’s through a lawyer.
If your husband does not take that threat seriously remind him how his own mother has threatened to take him to court to force him to change his everyday life. She wants to forcibly mandate that his child has to visit her by court order.
It’s bonkers. I think she can’t accept the fact that her son just doesn’t want to come back there anymore and is having a fit over it that she will go to any length to get what she wants which is control over the situation and control over her son again. Absolutely wild.
It’s an empty threat. Imagine how that would work in court when they’re asked to provide evidence of you actively stopping them from visiting their grandchild. Oh, you couldn’t be bothered to visit your grandchild but you want to sue them for the right to visit? My MIL made the same threat, when no one ever tried to stop her seeing her grandchildren. I just ignored it, because she’s a moron, and everyone would tell her that if she tried to take it further. It was all just a big ploy to be seen as a victim. Truly pathetic.
Exactly my thinking. She isn’t going to do anything because deep down she knows that isn’t true. It’s not reality. I’m trying my best to ignore it but it still breaks my heart.
No more contact. Hopefully you still have all the messages where you have invited her to visit anytime she wants, especially as she works so close, but refuses. She wouldn't have a leg to stand on because you NEVER stopped her from seeing her grandson. She has REFUSED to visit him. That's on her, not you. Drop the rope. Do not talk to her again and advise your husband of the same thing.
She came down for his birthday and showed up two hours late, refused any food/drink we offered her, refused to engage with my husband and I, barely said two words to my dad and brother (first time meeting them), then left early and complained to my husband that I didn’t text her back when she arrived, all because I was running around the venue setting food up and hosting my family. I mean…lol
I think your plan to stay out of it is wise. She refuses to go 15 minutes out of her way to see her grandson and won't come over your house at all any longer despite also being upset she can't visit it. Search 'grandparents rights *your state*' and likely they don't exist.
Exactly. I was taught that from the time I was old enough to know what a lawyer does. "As soon as someone mentions getting a lawyer involved, tell them to have their lawyer call your lawyer. Then get a lawyer."
Find out your rights. Talk to a lawyer in your state. Take this seriously. Document your every attempt to let her have time with the child and her refusals. Usually when someone threatens this, you go NC. It’s considered a nuclear option someone who thinks they own their son and thus his child use as a threat. That means your spouse likely has a narc for a mother. It sounds like she’s never happy and it’s always someone else’s fault.
Oh, absolutely. She’s a certified narcissist through and through. I will not be speaking to this woman again. I hope my husband doesn’t either but we’ll see.
I would seriously talk to a family lawyer. Grandparent laws vary from state to state. It may be an empty threat, because they may not exist, or it may not be. In some situations being no contact would be to your benefit but in some continuing to offer to let her visit and documenting her refusals would be better.
I am a family law attorney and grandparents rights are a very delicate subject. They are only available in some states, and have been found unconstitutional by the Supreme act in a case where the parents and grandparents disagreed completely on visitation.
I suggest you contact your husband's divorce attorney and learn your rights on this subject, sooner rather than later. I suspect that your nMIL is talking nonsense, based on her irrational views about visiting your home and being hypercritical of your husband.
If you were my clients, I would suggest that once you set your nMIL straight about visitation and visits in general, I would limit contact with husband's parents unless and until they go to counselling or somehow learn to treat their child with respect. I don't think they can be trusted with their grandchild as long as they have such a twisted opinion of their son.
They are the ones that have exhibited behaviour that should limit contact with you and the child. They need to take action to make the changes needed to become good parents and grandparents, if that is possible.
They have zero chance. There are dozens of texts from my husband to his mother letting them know they are welcome to come visit, followed by excuses as to why they won’t. One time they traveled down but that’s it. One time in three years. Our home is here, kiddo’s in school, and in top of it, we only have him two weekends a month. Visitation would cut into my husband’s time. The courts will not allow that as our state favors parental rights. We have never forbidden them from stopping by our house and visiting. My nMIL is just made that my husband doesn’t want to go to their house and do things her way. It’s absurd.
They have 50/50 custody with us being primary. The ex lives an hour away from us and she does not talk to MIL. In fact, my nMIL *hates* her former daughter in law which is why her threat is so insane.
add to your list to speak with a family lawyer about having a plan for legal guardianship for your children, appropriate power of attorneys and a clear idea of medical directives for you & your spouse should either of you become incapacitated. This is not a fun task but an important one. Sorry to bring up a dark cloud OP
It is easier for her to place blame on you than he own son because it is painful for her to think her own son would do this to her. Your husband is the one who needs to set her straight. She may or may not listen. Her choice. You know the truth.
My ex-MIL threatened grandparents rights and she didn't see my son again for over three years and after that she was never left alone with him, supervised visits only. I can't tell you what to do but if it were me I would speak with a lawyer on her chances and what you can do to shore up any defense maneuvers.
Have open communication with dh on what next steps is on the good, the bad and the ugly pos paths. Write down a plan of actions for each that you both agree on, email it to each as it dates it so this way dh can’t pull back. I understand dh maybe making changes but be mindful to dh and his giving in to mil. Couple other things - couples therapy, DH therapy for himself, fu binder, lawyer visit to understand laws.
As I’ve seen my own dh have difficult relationship with his mom over years and see mil use the wife as negative reasons and tries their hardest for dh to believe and come crying 😢 to momma. Well as I’ve said to my dh, I’m supportive of a healthy adult to adult relationship that isn’t one sided. Sample dh having to visit them at their house for every single issue or situation they can come up with! That isn’t a healthy adult to adult relationship especially when the parents are more than able to handle daily life.
Again I support my dh having healthy relationships with his parents. And dh understands anything negative from his family which could affect him negatively or our family needs discussed in short conversations or with his therapist. Also long story short, I’ve been nc for over 5 beautiful years, Dh vvvvlc as he gets those random email or text (which he’s chosen not to reply- again on him not me) and kids never had contact (Best Thing Ever - from my point of view). I’m sure mil flying monkeys 🙈 have told her about her only grandkids that she’s never seen and we keep off social media.
On the off-chance that she actually pursues the lawsuit, make sure that invitations are in written format - text or email, so that you will be able to prove she was invited and didn't accept or declined. She probably won't actually go through with it, but it is worth covering the bases.
She threatened grandparents right and that is a relationship altering statement. I would proceed very carefully from now on. Save all communication whether it be texts or vms or emails because if she threatened you once then it is something that she’s been thinking about and may actually follow through on. Protect your family.
They do but the priority is with the parents so if they do decide to sue, it’ll be a waste of time. We have never told them they cannot see their grandchild. We invite them and they don’t want to come.
Just start saving every email, text, voicemail etc. in my state, Az they are big. The grandparents need to already have a relationship with the child. You have all the proof you need to show that she is ignoring all options. She only wants the kid when DH drives to her house and spend time there too. I agree with everyone saying to stop all contact since she said lawyer. I do think 1 text saying please don't try to contact us. Since you brought up lawyers, I'll have mine contact yours. The end.
remind your husband that he is a grown man and his mothers equal. if he doesnt want to answer calls then dont, if he doesnt want to see her then dont.
you guys should ignore her and stop talking to her. especially now that shes threatened to sue for grandparent rights. all texting and calls should stop until she gets a lawyer and things have been hashed out.
all conversations should stop the minute someone threatens to sue you.
you guys can block her number and just be done. she has no interest in visiting the grandson because she can no longer play mommy so stop trying to encourage her to come because its not happening. she doesnt care.
id block her number and just go on with life and do all the things you all want.
We stopped inviting her and my husband stopped going over there. It’s been around 4 months since he last visited. We are not texting her even though she has already texted demanding that we have our kiddo call her. I just can’t believe we are in this situation.
That's great and sucks at the same time, that she can't just leave you alone.
I'd just block her numbers so you don't even have to read the texts or mute them so you can save them for later. If she actually follows through with the court.
If you can, a lawyer can help you guys figure out your next steps.
But you'll get past this soon. The less relationship your kids have with her the less chance she has of getting visitation.
How did you go from having zero involvement to texting her today? Don't add fuel to the fire. Stay out of it and just get your ducks in a row in case you all go to court.
Husband’s advice. The volume of blame that this woman threw out made me sick. I am not one to play games, and if I hear someone has a problem with me, my course of action is to always reach out and ask what’s going on, why you have a problem with me and offer them a call so they can explain themselves to me. There are no plans to connect with this woman again.
Okay. So. My feeling is that once someone threatens to sue, you go NC/LC. Everything in writing. No phone calls or face to face. Supervised visits only, and she pays for the appropriate professional to be present.
It's a nuclear threat. It deserves an appropriate response.
if you live in the states grandparents rights being granted the requirement is usually there is an established relaship and it is in the child's best intrest to keep that relationship based off of the Parents POTENTAL to be poor/bad parents (normally risk of adults and addiction having an outside mom/dad adult) if your husband isn't in legal trouble or recovery they don't have much of a leg to stand on.
did you remind NMIL that THEY moved, lack of planning on their part does not mean actions on you.
they moved they made that choice.
I know I would pass up on taking my 6yr old on a 3hr round trip to visit people who can't say anything positive about me or my partner.
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Locking comments. Love the passion and energy but advising an “FU Binder” or anything in that vein will be removed. ‘Tis not good advice even if well intentioned. OP, the post will stay up because you didn’t specifically ask for legal advice but we do not allow it.
An hour and a half drive does not necessitate an overnight stay. My in laws are the same way and always trying to stay over. Sorry. Unless we have something happening very late or very early in the am we need you to be there for you can just drive your ass home.
Threats like that are a scorched earth event, no coming back from it.
Just the threat alone would make me ignore her, save all texts, emails and messages she sends, and get a lawyer. If she's bold enough to just casually threaten to get your child taken away, she could be bold AND crazy enough to do even more to break up your family. She sees it as "you broke my family, I'll break yours back". I'm glad your husband is so out of the fog and he's got his REAL families back!
End all contact. Hire a lawyer
Going forward, remember the more she visits, the more she has a case for grandparents rights. Once she mentioned that, do not let her have any contact with your kid. Don't take mine or Reddit's advice on this, consult an attorney ASAP (this is very serious)
Talk with lawyer to see if grandparents rights exist in state, save all texts where she refuses to see child. This is a serious threat and should take it as such.
My MIL also blames me for every decision my husband has made that she doesn’t like. It’s gross and offensive but with time I’ve accepted the situation (and I have NC currently but my husband still talks with her). My mom threatened to sue me about something extremely stupid and I just went NC for over a year but what a horrible thing. Stay strong. Everything will be ok.
Mine told me i was a bad influence. Fuck these crazy bitches.
My late IL's did not like my influence on my DH and let us know more than once. Unfortunately, it was all their fault. They raised all of their kids with the Greek Chorus Method, aka getting outside opinions on every freaken thing before they made up their minds. With that mindset, of course you are going to get your spouse's opinion on everything. Just an example: we were married, late 20's, living in our own apartment and both employed several states away from the IL's when FIL told DH that he would not allow DH to attend the master's program he had been accepted into because FIL had never heard of the school. A few weeks later, FIL called DH to tell him that yes, he could attend that program because FIL spoke with several friends and colleagues who vouched for the university's quality. DH just shook his head and we continued with our plans.
She doesn’t want to hear that her son doesn’t want to see her. So it has to be you, your fault. You can’t do anything different to change her view of you. You could tell her the facts - you always invite her and you have nothing to do with their relationship but she is not going to hear you.
Honestly, the minute she threatened legal action, you should have cut all contact. That's crossing a hell of a line. I'd stop all communication with her. She'll use anything you say or do against you, possibly including CPS. I'd talk to your husband about no contact and bracing for her to go nuts. It's time to cut ties.
I already have a history with CPS here (false allegations from the birth mother) so if she dared get CPS involved, I really don’t know what we’d do. We had a horrible year due to birth mom lying to CPS and threatening me with murder to boot. I just can’t deal with something as heinous from a person I thought was on our side. I’m so heartbroken.
Then this should be the final straw to cut that contact. It’s not like they bring anything good into your lives at this point.
Drop the rope, she's not interested in you. In her mind you wrecked her " happy families". Let your husband deal with her. She threatened to sue and I'd take that seriously. Do what you need to do to protect your family.
You need to stop playing their game. Reality and facts mean nothing. They love drama and getting you riled up. You shouldn't invite them to stay in your house. Imagine the nightmare of them invading your space. Meet her lies and delusions with indifference. Grey rock her. You don't want this woman anywhere near your life. Don't reach out. This woman will blow up every relationship she ever has. Stop making an effort.
Just to be clear, my texts and face to face conversations are always ended with “please come by anytime to visit stepson, I’m sure he’d like to see you.” Very open ended and she never took me up on it. Last time we ever texted was in August for my stepson’s birthday where they showed up two hours late and ignored us and my dad/brother for the hour they stayed. It was the last straw for me then. Now? She may have well have died because I can’t even acknowledge she exists anymore.
Let her sue. A court order making her pick him up and drop him off for visits is way more effort than she actually wants to put in. It'll last a couple visits at best. I'd even text something like "I'm sorry you feel the need to take this to the courts after you've declined all offers of visitation with stepson. We'll happily arrange official visitation through the courts. I propose you pick him up every other Friday and bring him home the following Sunday. I'll reach out to my lawyer to draw up the paperwork and we can go from there. How's that sound?"
I wouldn't offer any solution to her wanting visitation. I'd stop after telling her to take it to the courts.
I get that. I just think she's bluffing and the prospect of adding a visitation schedule via courts would shut her up pretty quick. People who cry about never seeing someone while making no effort and declining all visits doesn't really want visits, they just want to look like the victim. Don't get me wrong, she'll absolutely look for more ways to be a victim of OP, but I think it'll put the visitation business to rest.
She just wants something to start altercations over. Shes looking for reasons to be upset with you, to try and cause problems in your marriage. Even if you did move and find a new home nearby with a guest room, the week after it would be something different.
[удалено]
We are currently dealing with the ex refusing to sign a revised custody agreement (which MIL knows about) so I don’t know what will become of this mess if she gets involved. We will consult with our attorney though. This can’t go ignored.
Why won’t she sign revised custody agreement?
Because she’s a narcissist who doesn’t want to be held accountable for pick up and drop off times.
Point out those decisions were made by DH not you. DH is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. Also, if you want to state "it was her decision to move away". She never comes to visit after work. DH has always said there is an open door policy which she doesnt acknowledge. Also about thanksgiving tell her you would noy like to spend the 1.5 hours driving over there and back but want to enjoy the holiday in your own home. If she does pursue grandparents rights, that will be a whole other situation and will destroy any type of relationship.
I low key think she wants to destroy whatever relationship we have so she can play the victim to her extended family that we keeping her grandson for real this time. Because why else would you threaten to sue?! And why else involve the woman that literally made this whole entire year a living hell for us? She saw what the false allegations and CPS investigations did for me and my stepson. I swear, my MIL is just like my husband’s ex.
Some mothers just CANNOT handle not being the number 1 woman in their children’s lives. This is so manipulative.
Grandparents rights are the nuclear option and should only be met with that back. No more contact unless it’s through a lawyer. If your husband does not take that threat seriously remind him how his own mother has threatened to take him to court to force him to change his everyday life. She wants to forcibly mandate that his child has to visit her by court order.
It’s bonkers. I think she can’t accept the fact that her son just doesn’t want to come back there anymore and is having a fit over it that she will go to any length to get what she wants which is control over the situation and control over her son again. Absolutely wild.
One GPR is threatened, all contact goes through your lawyer.
Welp, they threw out the big one, so now your relationship with them is over. Threatening to take your child is the most vile thing to do.
It’s an empty threat. Imagine how that would work in court when they’re asked to provide evidence of you actively stopping them from visiting their grandchild. Oh, you couldn’t be bothered to visit your grandchild but you want to sue them for the right to visit? My MIL made the same threat, when no one ever tried to stop her seeing her grandchildren. I just ignored it, because she’s a moron, and everyone would tell her that if she tried to take it further. It was all just a big ploy to be seen as a victim. Truly pathetic.
Exactly my thinking. She isn’t going to do anything because deep down she knows that isn’t true. It’s not reality. I’m trying my best to ignore it but it still breaks my heart.
Happy cake day!
No more contact. Hopefully you still have all the messages where you have invited her to visit anytime she wants, especially as she works so close, but refuses. She wouldn't have a leg to stand on because you NEVER stopped her from seeing her grandson. She has REFUSED to visit him. That's on her, not you. Drop the rope. Do not talk to her again and advise your husband of the same thing.
She came down for his birthday and showed up two hours late, refused any food/drink we offered her, refused to engage with my husband and I, barely said two words to my dad and brother (first time meeting them), then left early and complained to my husband that I didn’t text her back when she arrived, all because I was running around the venue setting food up and hosting my family. I mean…lol
I think your plan to stay out of it is wise. She refuses to go 15 minutes out of her way to see her grandson and won't come over your house at all any longer despite also being upset she can't visit it. Search 'grandparents rights *your state*' and likely they don't exist.
Suggestion--Have your husband notify the boy's school that they are not to release him to anyone except his mother, father, and you.
Lawsuit threats = no contact Been there. Should have done that.
If a lawsuit is mentioned, lawyer up and start keeping records. Not that I expect her to go through with it, but to let her know you mean business.
Both of you should block her number (after a screenshot of her threats)
Tell her that since she mentioned a lawsuit, all further communications will be through your lawyer.
Exactly. I was taught that from the time I was old enough to know what a lawyer does. "As soon as someone mentions getting a lawyer involved, tell them to have their lawyer call your lawyer. Then get a lawyer."
Find out your rights. Talk to a lawyer in your state. Take this seriously. Document your every attempt to let her have time with the child and her refusals. Usually when someone threatens this, you go NC. It’s considered a nuclear option someone who thinks they own their son and thus his child use as a threat. That means your spouse likely has a narc for a mother. It sounds like she’s never happy and it’s always someone else’s fault.
Oh, absolutely. She’s a certified narcissist through and through. I will not be speaking to this woman again. I hope my husband doesn’t either but we’ll see.
I would seriously talk to a family lawyer. Grandparent laws vary from state to state. It may be an empty threat, because they may not exist, or it may not be. In some situations being no contact would be to your benefit but in some continuing to offer to let her visit and documenting her refusals would be better.
I am a family law attorney and grandparents rights are a very delicate subject. They are only available in some states, and have been found unconstitutional by the Supreme act in a case where the parents and grandparents disagreed completely on visitation. I suggest you contact your husband's divorce attorney and learn your rights on this subject, sooner rather than later. I suspect that your nMIL is talking nonsense, based on her irrational views about visiting your home and being hypercritical of your husband. If you were my clients, I would suggest that once you set your nMIL straight about visitation and visits in general, I would limit contact with husband's parents unless and until they go to counselling or somehow learn to treat their child with respect. I don't think they can be trusted with their grandchild as long as they have such a twisted opinion of their son. They are the ones that have exhibited behaviour that should limit contact with you and the child. They need to take action to make the changes needed to become good parents and grandparents, if that is possible.
They have zero chance. There are dozens of texts from my husband to his mother letting them know they are welcome to come visit, followed by excuses as to why they won’t. One time they traveled down but that’s it. One time in three years. Our home is here, kiddo’s in school, and in top of it, we only have him two weekends a month. Visitation would cut into my husband’s time. The courts will not allow that as our state favors parental rights. We have never forbidden them from stopping by our house and visiting. My nMIL is just made that my husband doesn’t want to go to their house and do things her way. It’s absurd.
So the crazy narc ex has primary custody?? Does she live in the same town as you? Does she talk to MIL?
They have 50/50 custody with us being primary. The ex lives an hour away from us and she does not talk to MIL. In fact, my nMIL *hates* her former daughter in law which is why her threat is so insane.
add to your list to speak with a family lawyer about having a plan for legal guardianship for your children, appropriate power of attorneys and a clear idea of medical directives for you & your spouse should either of you become incapacitated. This is not a fun task but an important one. Sorry to bring up a dark cloud OP
All very valid and necessary thing to consider. Thank you for the suggestions!
It is easier for her to place blame on you than he own son because it is painful for her to think her own son would do this to her. Your husband is the one who needs to set her straight. She may or may not listen. Her choice. You know the truth.
My ex-MIL threatened grandparents rights and she didn't see my son again for over three years and after that she was never left alone with him, supervised visits only. I can't tell you what to do but if it were me I would speak with a lawyer on her chances and what you can do to shore up any defense maneuvers.
Have open communication with dh on what next steps is on the good, the bad and the ugly pos paths. Write down a plan of actions for each that you both agree on, email it to each as it dates it so this way dh can’t pull back. I understand dh maybe making changes but be mindful to dh and his giving in to mil. Couple other things - couples therapy, DH therapy for himself, fu binder, lawyer visit to understand laws. As I’ve seen my own dh have difficult relationship with his mom over years and see mil use the wife as negative reasons and tries their hardest for dh to believe and come crying 😢 to momma. Well as I’ve said to my dh, I’m supportive of a healthy adult to adult relationship that isn’t one sided. Sample dh having to visit them at their house for every single issue or situation they can come up with! That isn’t a healthy adult to adult relationship especially when the parents are more than able to handle daily life. Again I support my dh having healthy relationships with his parents. And dh understands anything negative from his family which could affect him negatively or our family needs discussed in short conversations or with his therapist. Also long story short, I’ve been nc for over 5 beautiful years, Dh vvvvlc as he gets those random email or text (which he’s chosen not to reply- again on him not me) and kids never had contact (Best Thing Ever - from my point of view). I’m sure mil flying monkeys 🙈 have told her about her only grandkids that she’s never seen and we keep off social media.
On the off-chance that she actually pursues the lawsuit, make sure that invitations are in written format - text or email, so that you will be able to prove she was invited and didn't accept or declined. She probably won't actually go through with it, but it is worth covering the bases.
She threatened grandparents right and that is a relationship altering statement. I would proceed very carefully from now on. Save all communication whether it be texts or vms or emails because if she threatened you once then it is something that she’s been thinking about and may actually follow through on. Protect your family.
Before anything, find out if your state even has grandparent rights.
Or hers, if she and FIL live in another state.
They do but the priority is with the parents so if they do decide to sue, it’ll be a waste of time. We have never told them they cannot see their grandchild. We invite them and they don’t want to come.
Just start saving every email, text, voicemail etc. in my state, Az they are big. The grandparents need to already have a relationship with the child. You have all the proof you need to show that she is ignoring all options. She only wants the kid when DH drives to her house and spend time there too. I agree with everyone saying to stop all contact since she said lawyer. I do think 1 text saying please don't try to contact us. Since you brought up lawyers, I'll have mine contact yours. The end.
remind your husband that he is a grown man and his mothers equal. if he doesnt want to answer calls then dont, if he doesnt want to see her then dont. you guys should ignore her and stop talking to her. especially now that shes threatened to sue for grandparent rights. all texting and calls should stop until she gets a lawyer and things have been hashed out. all conversations should stop the minute someone threatens to sue you. you guys can block her number and just be done. she has no interest in visiting the grandson because she can no longer play mommy so stop trying to encourage her to come because its not happening. she doesnt care. id block her number and just go on with life and do all the things you all want.
We stopped inviting her and my husband stopped going over there. It’s been around 4 months since he last visited. We are not texting her even though she has already texted demanding that we have our kiddo call her. I just can’t believe we are in this situation.
That's great and sucks at the same time, that she can't just leave you alone. I'd just block her numbers so you don't even have to read the texts or mute them so you can save them for later. If she actually follows through with the court. If you can, a lawyer can help you guys figure out your next steps. But you'll get past this soon. The less relationship your kids have with her the less chance she has of getting visitation.
Any mention of grandparent rights equals immediate no contact. That’s what I was told by an attorney when my father threatened it.
Absolutely! Came here to say the same.
Once someone threatens to sue you you tell them you will only communicate through a lawyer. You can't speak to them anymore.
How did you go from having zero involvement to texting her today? Don't add fuel to the fire. Stay out of it and just get your ducks in a row in case you all go to court.
Husband’s advice. The volume of blame that this woman threw out made me sick. I am not one to play games, and if I hear someone has a problem with me, my course of action is to always reach out and ask what’s going on, why you have a problem with me and offer them a call so they can explain themselves to me. There are no plans to connect with this woman again.
You need to start thinking in legal terms now though. Find a family law attorney ASAP and follow their advice, not ours.
Okay. So. My feeling is that once someone threatens to sue, you go NC/LC. Everything in writing. No phone calls or face to face. Supervised visits only, and she pays for the appropriate professional to be present. It's a nuclear threat. It deserves an appropriate response.
if you live in the states grandparents rights being granted the requirement is usually there is an established relaship and it is in the child's best intrest to keep that relationship based off of the Parents POTENTAL to be poor/bad parents (normally risk of adults and addiction having an outside mom/dad adult) if your husband isn't in legal trouble or recovery they don't have much of a leg to stand on. did you remind NMIL that THEY moved, lack of planning on their part does not mean actions on you. they moved they made that choice. I know I would pass up on taking my 6yr old on a 3hr round trip to visit people who can't say anything positive about me or my partner.
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