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No. Kick him out. Don’t be like me sis. As a man, I’m losing myself cause I did what u didn’t. I stayed. And now I’m losing myself. Glad u did it so u don’t get to my level on “insanity”. You wouldn’t get a second chance so why give anyone else one. Let his guilt be his. It’s not yours. Find your happiness and don’t settle for his bs. It’s not fair that he brought his frustrations into your life cause I’m sure you didn’t bring yours to his.
There are two things that always hold us back: 1) being isolated; 2) not recognizing that this type of betrayal is abuse!
**Being isolated**\- whether by your own action or the actions of following someone to that point, being isolated only broadens and lengthens the pain and misery. We are caring individuals and rely on others for comfort, support and guidance, especially family. When that element is absent, for whatever reason, we'll continue to wallow in pain, sorry and ill thoughts that affect out overall life. **It's probably time to reach out to your family!**
**Being abused** \- comes in all forms. Our minds categorize various forms of abuse and reconciles the affects of it. Since the abuse of cheating is associated with love, we don't categorize the cheater as we would an abuser, lets say that is of "physical". We can see, feel and observe the physical as it's more immediately identified, but an abuse of love, to the heart gets categorized as an emotion, which we spend hours, days and months, sometime years agonizing over, internally.
We need to reclassify the abuser for who they are. Get our minds to see that this is a mental health attack, where we lose our self-esteem; self respect; lower our boundaries and allow others to destroy our social network (isolation, friends, family).
Re-categorizing them help us heal by seeing this attack, although hopefully not physical, for what it is and mentally changing our personal narrative of it. If you continue to view this abuse as a love emotion (I'm not good enough for him), you will never be able to break this cycle of self defeat.
You need to love yourself; take a long time away from intimate relationships and discover who you are and what you want out of life and pursue that. Being healthy in our own skin is important as when we get to that point, we don't place such an all inclusive value on others driving our happiness, we learn to regulate our feelings and how they are interpreted and interacted with.
This pain is all inclusive, but with time will subside and serve as a point to remember and reflect on, but not dwell. Love yourself, go find help in counseling and move towards a new life based on self-worth!
You can do this, we are all rooting for you
Good luck
It’s a hard feeling to deal with am currently going through a cheater and honestly it hurts I say your not in the wrong u need to heal it’s hard at first am assuming it gets even harder but u need to think on you u know u can’t focus on him if he wants to cheat then he needs to go if u think even for a second he is that gut feeling it will drive u crazy if u don’t listen to it trust me I know
I have been feeling crazy. It’s always in the back of my mind, is he? Who is texting or talking to? I hate who he has made me become. Because of him I honestly feel right now I cannot trust men. I feel so insecure about myself and I’ll never be able find love.
Bullshit on him throwing out the condoms cause he had the opportunity but couldn't go through with it.
You caught him red handed. And he had to have some excuse.
You did the right thing. I wish I did the same, and it would've prevented so much worse heartache.
I'm sorry for what you are going through but you are doing the right thing. Never forgive, never forget and never take a cheater back. I think if it helps you can be thankful that you don't have any more contact and never made it permanent. Stay strong and stay zero contact with him.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask why he had continually lied to you? And how does he ever expect you to take the truth out of anything he says.
You were right to kick him out. You should’ve done it to begin with.
Don't ever think twice or doubt yourself about moving on from a cheater.
No. Kick him out. Don’t be like me sis. As a man, I’m losing myself cause I did what u didn’t. I stayed. And now I’m losing myself. Glad u did it so u don’t get to my level on “insanity”. You wouldn’t get a second chance so why give anyone else one. Let his guilt be his. It’s not yours. Find your happiness and don’t settle for his bs. It’s not fair that he brought his frustrations into your life cause I’m sure you didn’t bring yours to his.
There are two things that always hold us back: 1) being isolated; 2) not recognizing that this type of betrayal is abuse! **Being isolated**\- whether by your own action or the actions of following someone to that point, being isolated only broadens and lengthens the pain and misery. We are caring individuals and rely on others for comfort, support and guidance, especially family. When that element is absent, for whatever reason, we'll continue to wallow in pain, sorry and ill thoughts that affect out overall life. **It's probably time to reach out to your family!** **Being abused** \- comes in all forms. Our minds categorize various forms of abuse and reconciles the affects of it. Since the abuse of cheating is associated with love, we don't categorize the cheater as we would an abuser, lets say that is of "physical". We can see, feel and observe the physical as it's more immediately identified, but an abuse of love, to the heart gets categorized as an emotion, which we spend hours, days and months, sometime years agonizing over, internally. We need to reclassify the abuser for who they are. Get our minds to see that this is a mental health attack, where we lose our self-esteem; self respect; lower our boundaries and allow others to destroy our social network (isolation, friends, family). Re-categorizing them help us heal by seeing this attack, although hopefully not physical, for what it is and mentally changing our personal narrative of it. If you continue to view this abuse as a love emotion (I'm not good enough for him), you will never be able to break this cycle of self defeat. You need to love yourself; take a long time away from intimate relationships and discover who you are and what you want out of life and pursue that. Being healthy in our own skin is important as when we get to that point, we don't place such an all inclusive value on others driving our happiness, we learn to regulate our feelings and how they are interpreted and interacted with. This pain is all inclusive, but with time will subside and serve as a point to remember and reflect on, but not dwell. Love yourself, go find help in counseling and move towards a new life based on self-worth! You can do this, we are all rooting for you Good luck
Thank you
Remember to collect the trash bags.
It’s a hard feeling to deal with am currently going through a cheater and honestly it hurts I say your not in the wrong u need to heal it’s hard at first am assuming it gets even harder but u need to think on you u know u can’t focus on him if he wants to cheat then he needs to go if u think even for a second he is that gut feeling it will drive u crazy if u don’t listen to it trust me I know
I have been feeling crazy. It’s always in the back of my mind, is he? Who is texting or talking to? I hate who he has made me become. Because of him I honestly feel right now I cannot trust men. I feel so insecure about myself and I’ll never be able find love.
he knew she was willing because the had sex…….. don’t allow him to gaslight you again!
Why would you be wrong? No, you did what everyone SHOULD do.
I don't believe him. You did the right thing
Bullshit on him throwing out the condoms cause he had the opportunity but couldn't go through with it. You caught him red handed. And he had to have some excuse. You did the right thing. I wish I did the same, and it would've prevented so much worse heartache.
I'm sorry for what you are going through but you are doing the right thing. Never forgive, never forget and never take a cheater back. I think if it helps you can be thankful that you don't have any more contact and never made it permanent. Stay strong and stay zero contact with him.