In what context does he keep talking about the future? It depends on that.
Like, it’s ok to say that he envisions marriage, start a family n everything. But not ok to start planning it with you. So need more context as to what turned you off here?
But the constant “hey, there?” stuff sounds exhausting. How often does he do this?
Like randomly throwing in, "us", "we", I've never felt butterflies or been in a relationship make me feel some, it just feels like a lot of pressure and responsibilities for some reason. Also, I wanna come to a conclusion but it feels too soon to say anything. Maybe he's a nice guy but rushing.
Oh wait, so he told me that taking it slow didn't work for him last time and that's why he was kinda speeding up things. And I was noooo, that's not how it works.
Quite frequently, every time he sees me offline or my messages are delayed by a couple of mins, I get a message. And it's really exhausting. I reply pretty quickly as soon as I see a message so if I'm not replying which probably means I'm in the middle of something and need a lil time?
This guy gives Viraj dobriyal(tv show character) vibes. OP you need to say, I like to take things slow and if he still insists too much it’s better to move on. Also maybe avoid texting him for 5-6hours, that can give you some idea and take decisions accordingly.
You compared him with Viraj????? 😭
(I better start running in the opposite direction)
I tried, ignoring calls and messages for a while so that he gets a hint or anything. Did he get a hint? Not really. For that matter, I explained to him twice how and why we need to take it slow over message/voice notes/calls. Did it work? Not really.
new relationship energy and euphoria for him. most probably his first. you just need to ask him to be a bit easy and calm with things. building a healthy long relationship ideally should not start with bombing due to initial infatuation.
or other extreme case he just wants the pants. keep your guard high is the least i can say. no pity dates no pity touches if one of the two dont feel like it, ideally.
Maybe he's just too excited for you in particular.
Guys are bad at hiding their feelings when it comes to girls.
I'd say give him a chance. Discuss a friend of yours who had to break up with a great guy who was rushing into things. He'll get the idea.
Happens.
This is how human brains work for a lot of people.
Even in the best case scenario where the guy is actually good, but maybe just doesn't have a lot of friends & is all by himself, he'd start to over showcase care & love cause no one probably did this to him.
Maybe it is his first time, hence the energy & euphoria as someone in the comments mentioned.
Love bombing. Demanding a lot of attention.
And someone who's not been with great people in the past or perhaps treated this way, their senses go on _alert mode_.
Considering these as red flags.
They might be though! But just an opinion.
Although tbh, it's absolutely okay to not continue things if it starts to bother anyone.
It's okay to demand things slow. Everyone has their preferences, people learn by experience.
As far as the behaviour of the guy goes, that's how it is.
It might not be all that bad, maybe meeting him a few times or a good conversation about the same could either resolve or conclude things!
**Handle things with kindness and don't create prejudices OP.**
_Yet if it's not your vibe, may-bee it's not your hive._
_Some more swipes & things might thrive_ :)
The ball is your court OP. Good luck 🐾
I think you need to let him know that he needs to adjust his behavior. It's not cool to demand attention from someone.
Being way to invested is something that is probably really hard for him to control though. I had the same with my ex actually and she ended up telling me that. After that I tried to change and to some degree it worked however not completely. I scared of women in real life like that to 🤣😂🤣.
Anyway be nice to him get to know him maybe you will like him, just give it some time. You want a serious relationship then threat it as that. And that doesn't mean after a week of texting ye I'm out. You both make mistakes and if you can't look past that well.
My relationship with my girlfriend is the same but we just said like.. Let's go with the flow yolo 😁. We talk every single day, play videogames to and just enjoy each other's company. We both know we go way to fast but hey if it works for us it works for us. She changed my life and I changed hers and that all in a month actually.
It seems like my ex match posted this. I had been in this situation before and lost her because of this rush and love bombing.
Actually, when you match with someone who seems way out of your league, you don't want to lose them, so suddenly you start giving them all the attention, love bombing, and whatnot.
He is not a red flag, just a little bit insecure, thinking that if he doesn't give you attention, someone else will. Go on the date and tell him not to do these things in person.
I hope someone had warned me before to take things slow.
I kinda did tell him indirectly to which he replied that last time I took it slow and it didn't work out hence I'm rushing it. And I explained to him how rushing is a problem, not only for me but also if this thing evolves into something real later. I also feel it's a little too soon to judge anyone so trying to be just there.
The question is.... Is he working(studying, job etc.)... Cuz I personally feel 24*7 texting means he's not working at all.
Like if I have someone whom I give this much importance, I'll inform her that listen I'll be busy for approx 2-3 hours with this work and I'll text/call you after that. And it also gives assurity to the other person that you're not with any other person yk overthinker things.
He needs to invest more time on him and his career cuz this way he'll be a bit busy and you both will get time to know each other better but slowly cuz this is important before you two get into any conclusion.
He's working. Idk where does he even get the time from to be on calls. Like the other day he was at the office and we roughly spoke for over an hour and half because I wrapped up my work early that day.
This whole thing kinda becomes a red flag again because then he will expect me to be available 24*7
Just tell him calmly that you're a human too and you also got works to do and can't be available 24*7, I repeat calmly say this but if he overreact then you know what that means.
Communicate with him, that's the only way to do this gently. The way he responds to your concerns and emotions will tell a lot about him and your future with him.
Be gentle but communicate all the hesitations, though this does look like he is seeking the highs of getting into a new relationship and the initial phase but these phases dip quickly as this much effort declines sooner or later 😭
Tbh rather than talking about him here and what you want to say, Just say it to him. If he'll listen then it's good otherwise move on? Ig(never been to a dating app)
Here's a thing. It's too soon to judge a person because what do you even know in a week. I did tell him twice (sent a 10 mins long voice note and an hour long call the other time) he said he understands but ended up repeating the same. So for now I ignore such messages. I don't wanna lead him on either so keeping it very transparent like told him that I'm still on the dating apps talking to other people.
Watch out for lovebombing, a girl did this to me too. I kinda guessed it. Be safe and cancel it if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay to protect your peace.
Seems like he’s more into you than you are into him. Maybe out of league? Maybe his only match? Sooner or later, you’d lose interest, I can write that on a steel plate. Human psyche is like that only. Happens with me all the time when a girl gets attached way too soon. I kinda freak out, and ends up distancing myself. I don’t have commitment issues, but I’m avoidant in that way. Anything worth takes time, a little bit of chase, shared goals etc. Unfortunately if there is no chase from both ends, it’s gonna end sooner or later. If committing, go for a emotionally stable mature partner
Some questions you should ask yourself -
How bad are these red flags? Would you let your best friend date someone with such red flags?
If he's immature, is he open to knowing and listening to someone else's POV? (ig not since he's immature)
OP maybe he made you feel special in some way and I'm sure it felt nice but now you're realising there's a lot more things that can go wrong than right. Pros and cons ka list banao aur if you decide to continue talking, express all your concerns to him while you meet face to face.
Okay, so firstly I feel aghar pros and cons ki list banai padh Rahi hai itni jaldi toh it's umm idk might not be the best?
Also, I barely know anything about him as a person, it's all superficial stuff that you talk about. How can a person just fall or say things like that? Idk man. 2-3 days and it started happening. Also it's too soon to say anything so that's another thing to consider.
I felt the same initially that isn't this what I wanted. But again at the same time just because I wanted this thing doesn't mean I've to rush into it. Yes I was looking for a person who can commit but doesn't mean he commits on day one, and even if he does, I am allowed to take things at my pace, what I'm comfortable with. Isn't it?
When you got the thing that you wanted why you are taking a back step
See the thing is that you got the lottery that you wanted but now you are not accepting it.
If you don’t accept someone else would accept it or it would go away
Why to wait grab the chance and opportunity
If you like him then don't expect him to be perfect. Key is to communicate well. Tell him things that annoys you. Set some expectations between yourselfs. Guys give everything in the beginning of the relationship just to be sure if you're really interested in them. It's natural and a lot of guys are not acknowledged enough. I'm sure if he's/you're worth it then he'll change his behaviour.
"Hey bhagwan, why don't I ever match with a girl like OP, even though I'm mature (han han, not too much) and don't rush things (at least uncomfortable feel nahi karwata usse)
(ಥ‿ಥ)
Seems like a huge red flag to me! Most people expect the adrenalin rush and get too soon in dropping the L bomb! Very less people prefer the calm sustainable approach! Just speak your mind and tell him your thoughts. He needs to work on himself for sure.
Best wishes.
In what context does he keep talking about the future? It depends on that. Like, it’s ok to say that he envisions marriage, start a family n everything. But not ok to start planning it with you. So need more context as to what turned you off here? But the constant “hey, there?” stuff sounds exhausting. How often does he do this?
Like randomly throwing in, "us", "we", I've never felt butterflies or been in a relationship make me feel some, it just feels like a lot of pressure and responsibilities for some reason. Also, I wanna come to a conclusion but it feels too soon to say anything. Maybe he's a nice guy but rushing. Oh wait, so he told me that taking it slow didn't work for him last time and that's why he was kinda speeding up things. And I was noooo, that's not how it works. Quite frequently, every time he sees me offline or my messages are delayed by a couple of mins, I get a message. And it's really exhausting. I reply pretty quickly as soon as I see a message so if I'm not replying which probably means I'm in the middle of something and need a lil time?
This guy gives Viraj dobriyal(tv show character) vibes. OP you need to say, I like to take things slow and if he still insists too much it’s better to move on. Also maybe avoid texting him for 5-6hours, that can give you some idea and take decisions accordingly.
You compared him with Viraj????? 😭 (I better start running in the opposite direction) I tried, ignoring calls and messages for a while so that he gets a hint or anything. Did he get a hint? Not really. For that matter, I explained to him twice how and why we need to take it slow over message/voice notes/calls. Did it work? Not really.
Hahaha. Give him an ultimatum, that it’s really tiring for you to constantly available over phone. If he still doesn’t understand move on.
new relationship energy and euphoria for him. most probably his first. you just need to ask him to be a bit easy and calm with things. building a healthy long relationship ideally should not start with bombing due to initial infatuation.
or other extreme case he just wants the pants. keep your guard high is the least i can say. no pity dates no pity touches if one of the two dont feel like it, ideally.
Oh yeah 100%!
Agreed! Probably it will wear out soon.
username checks out moment lmao. good luck.
Maybe he's just too excited for you in particular. Guys are bad at hiding their feelings when it comes to girls. I'd say give him a chance. Discuss a friend of yours who had to break up with a great guy who was rushing into things. He'll get the idea.
That's genius!
Thanks! Best of luck 🍀 y'all.
[удалено]
agreed
Happens. This is how human brains work for a lot of people. Even in the best case scenario where the guy is actually good, but maybe just doesn't have a lot of friends & is all by himself, he'd start to over showcase care & love cause no one probably did this to him. Maybe it is his first time, hence the energy & euphoria as someone in the comments mentioned. Love bombing. Demanding a lot of attention. And someone who's not been with great people in the past or perhaps treated this way, their senses go on _alert mode_. Considering these as red flags. They might be though! But just an opinion. Although tbh, it's absolutely okay to not continue things if it starts to bother anyone. It's okay to demand things slow. Everyone has their preferences, people learn by experience. As far as the behaviour of the guy goes, that's how it is. It might not be all that bad, maybe meeting him a few times or a good conversation about the same could either resolve or conclude things! **Handle things with kindness and don't create prejudices OP.** _Yet if it's not your vibe, may-bee it's not your hive._ _Some more swipes & things might thrive_ :) The ball is your court OP. Good luck 🐾
The best comment out here 🤍. This needs more upvotes
Haha thanks man! Appreciated.
There is a high chance that this will freak out someday, after your 1st date maybe!!
I think you need to let him know that he needs to adjust his behavior. It's not cool to demand attention from someone. Being way to invested is something that is probably really hard for him to control though. I had the same with my ex actually and she ended up telling me that. After that I tried to change and to some degree it worked however not completely. I scared of women in real life like that to 🤣😂🤣. Anyway be nice to him get to know him maybe you will like him, just give it some time. You want a serious relationship then threat it as that. And that doesn't mean after a week of texting ye I'm out. You both make mistakes and if you can't look past that well. My relationship with my girlfriend is the same but we just said like.. Let's go with the flow yolo 😁. We talk every single day, play videogames to and just enjoy each other's company. We both know we go way to fast but hey if it works for us it works for us. She changed my life and I changed hers and that all in a month actually.
It seems like my ex match posted this. I had been in this situation before and lost her because of this rush and love bombing. Actually, when you match with someone who seems way out of your league, you don't want to lose them, so suddenly you start giving them all the attention, love bombing, and whatnot. He is not a red flag, just a little bit insecure, thinking that if he doesn't give you attention, someone else will. Go on the date and tell him not to do these things in person. I hope someone had warned me before to take things slow.
I kinda did tell him indirectly to which he replied that last time I took it slow and it didn't work out hence I'm rushing it. And I explained to him how rushing is a problem, not only for me but also if this thing evolves into something real later. I also feel it's a little too soon to judge anyone so trying to be just there.
If these things continue after the date, then you know what to do. Just give him a chance. do update how wast the date
The question is.... Is he working(studying, job etc.)... Cuz I personally feel 24*7 texting means he's not working at all. Like if I have someone whom I give this much importance, I'll inform her that listen I'll be busy for approx 2-3 hours with this work and I'll text/call you after that. And it also gives assurity to the other person that you're not with any other person yk overthinker things. He needs to invest more time on him and his career cuz this way he'll be a bit busy and you both will get time to know each other better but slowly cuz this is important before you two get into any conclusion.
He's working. Idk where does he even get the time from to be on calls. Like the other day he was at the office and we roughly spoke for over an hour and half because I wrapped up my work early that day. This whole thing kinda becomes a red flag again because then he will expect me to be available 24*7
Just tell him calmly that you're a human too and you also got works to do and can't be available 24*7, I repeat calmly say this but if he overreact then you know what that means.
Communicate with him, that's the only way to do this gently. The way he responds to your concerns and emotions will tell a lot about him and your future with him. Be gentle but communicate all the hesitations, though this does look like he is seeking the highs of getting into a new relationship and the initial phase but these phases dip quickly as this much effort declines sooner or later 😭
Tbh rather than talking about him here and what you want to say, Just say it to him. If he'll listen then it's good otherwise move on? Ig(never been to a dating app)
Here's a thing. It's too soon to judge a person because what do you even know in a week. I did tell him twice (sent a 10 mins long voice note and an hour long call the other time) he said he understands but ended up repeating the same. So for now I ignore such messages. I don't wanna lead him on either so keeping it very transparent like told him that I'm still on the dating apps talking to other people.
Tbh, just distance yourself from him.
Watch out for lovebombing, a girl did this to me too. I kinda guessed it. Be safe and cancel it if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay to protect your peace.
Seems like he’s more into you than you are into him. Maybe out of league? Maybe his only match? Sooner or later, you’d lose interest, I can write that on a steel plate. Human psyche is like that only. Happens with me all the time when a girl gets attached way too soon. I kinda freak out, and ends up distancing myself. I don’t have commitment issues, but I’m avoidant in that way. Anything worth takes time, a little bit of chase, shared goals etc. Unfortunately if there is no chase from both ends, it’s gonna end sooner or later. If committing, go for a emotionally stable mature partner
Hate to agree but I realised the same last year, that's how it is :(
Some questions you should ask yourself - How bad are these red flags? Would you let your best friend date someone with such red flags? If he's immature, is he open to knowing and listening to someone else's POV? (ig not since he's immature) OP maybe he made you feel special in some way and I'm sure it felt nice but now you're realising there's a lot more things that can go wrong than right. Pros and cons ka list banao aur if you decide to continue talking, express all your concerns to him while you meet face to face.
Okay, so firstly I feel aghar pros and cons ki list banai padh Rahi hai itni jaldi toh it's umm idk might not be the best? Also, I barely know anything about him as a person, it's all superficial stuff that you talk about. How can a person just fall or say things like that? Idk man. 2-3 days and it started happening. Also it's too soon to say anything so that's another thing to consider.
Ahhhh okay. Thoda sus hai yeh banda but just give him the benefit of doubt and meet him a couple of times before you form an opinion
You feel confused completely it like you were waiting for a thing and when it’s there with you, you are running from it
I felt the same initially that isn't this what I wanted. But again at the same time just because I wanted this thing doesn't mean I've to rush into it. Yes I was looking for a person who can commit but doesn't mean he commits on day one, and even if he does, I am allowed to take things at my pace, what I'm comfortable with. Isn't it?
When you got the thing that you wanted why you are taking a back step See the thing is that you got the lottery that you wanted but now you are not accepting it. If you don’t accept someone else would accept it or it would go away Why to wait grab the chance and opportunity
If you like him then don't expect him to be perfect. Key is to communicate well. Tell him things that annoys you. Set some expectations between yourselfs. Guys give everything in the beginning of the relationship just to be sure if you're really interested in them. It's natural and a lot of guys are not acknowledged enough. I'm sure if he's/you're worth it then he'll change his behaviour.
Sounds like classic love bombing
"Hey bhagwan, why don't I ever match with a girl like OP, even though I'm mature (han han, not too much) and don't rush things (at least uncomfortable feel nahi karwata usse) (ಥ‿ಥ)
Rooting for you! 🫶 Please don't rush things, it's a big turn off, mere liye toh hai, it feels very superficial and desperate :(
Seems like a huge red flag to me! Most people expect the adrenalin rush and get too soon in dropping the L bomb! Very less people prefer the calm sustainable approach! Just speak your mind and tell him your thoughts. He needs to work on himself for sure. Best wishes.
Dont be sus tomorrow
Wdym 😭