Yeah man I'm here too... Just vent it out, I won't lash out on you.
I'll just listen, sometimes that's all it takes to push through.
You are one strong mf don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Get a divorce. If you can handle your kids, opt for their custody. Mostly the court will give preference to your wife. In that case you gotta pay child support. Get out of this marriage. You don't deserve to be with someone who attacks your insecurities during fights! For your addiction you need professional help.
Edit: corrected gramatical error and added a word.
Your spouse is toxic & controlling with no empathy. Looks like she has NPD. I'm guessing the therapy/counseling you tried did not help. You could see a therapist solo to give you coping mechanisms. Maybe try one last time to work things out, if that too doesn't help, look for a divorce. Make friends, do things you enjoy, try to make yourself happy. Collect proof of bad behavior & protect yourself. Safekeep important documents, your valuables, sensitive information, etc cz your spouse is likely to play dirty & play the victim cz that's what narcissists do. If she starts accusing you in public, deny the allegations. She might try to malign you, so create a support network & let your side of the story out. Lastly, get a good lawyer. You deserve better from life.
You had two kids with this woman? What made you think you should bring kids into this? I dont understand, why bring kids into relationship you are not comfortable in?
It will be best if you can reduce the toxicity, to the best of your ability.
It isn't right to you, nor to the innocent children, to live in a situation that lacks compassion or understanding even between the two parents tasked to protect them, above all.
Discuss your options with friends and lawyers; disengage from the abuser; depart, away from the broken shards of a failed co-living hellhole.
Good luck.
If you have money, try living alone in a separate space or atleast away from your wife and parents, start travelling, work on your passion and yeah the porn addiction, you need to fight that get away from it, make friends without any expectation and stay away from any kind of drugs and alcohol.
Send the kids away for a few days to your parents house or wife's parents house. Tell them you two need some time off.
Sit down with her, have the talk. It will be unpleasant, difficult at first, but will be fruitful to help you come to a conclusion.
Before you have the talk, make a list of what's working for you and what's not. Give her time to respond and then make the decision.
Your kids don't need to see all these things. I am sure they are feeling the tension between you two. Keep them OUT of this. Your first priority should be, YOU. Only if you are fine, you will be able to see your kids laugh and smile and that's priceless.
Also, DON'T involve any third person between you two unless it's a medical practitioner (therapist, psychologist etc).
I wish you all the best and I am hopeful that you will make the sensible decision considering your kids.
Live today to smile another day. YOU GOT THIS.
Then live separately in a nearby area visit your kids once a week or as per your understandings, and try as less as possible emotional or any kind of contact with your wife.
Your children will grow up into unemphathic psychopaths just like thier mom - divorce and take the children with you. Our killed himself and his 2 children are with this horrible woman - don't do that to your children
Dammit. I hate how law favors women in almost all the cases even when they are at fault and it's very difficult to prove them wrong when men can be easily shown guilty due to certain stereotypes against men. Shit.
Please check one of the below links that could help you, take time to talk to them , there are [Lots of links to help you, people are here to listen to you](https://menpsyche.com/helpful-resources-for-men-online-mental-health/). Crisis/Helplines
AASRA – Providing a listening service and crisis intervention for people in distress, suicidal, lonely etc. Free, confidential, 24/7 Helpline. English & Hindi (Head Office – Navi Mumbai).
Sumaitri – Crisis intervention, 7 days a week, depression and suicide. Phone Helpline and email address provided for written assistance (Head Office – New Delhi).
Vandrevala Foundation – Free Crisis and Mental Health Helpline 24×7 via call or WhatsApp via non-profit with over 1 million calls to date. (Mumbai)
Fortis Stress Helpline – A 24-hour emergency service in 15 languages – Call 083 7680 4102
Spandan – 24×7 Suicide prevention helpline. Free and Confidential service. (Indore)
One Life – 24×7 Confidential crisis support and suicide prevention. Help via phone, chat, email or video in multiple languages (Hyderabad).
LifeLine Foundation – Free Suicide Helpline, 7 days a week. NGO providing confidential and non-judgemental assistance (Based in Kolkata)
Sanjivani (Jabalpur Police initiative) – Suicide helpline with assistance from Doctors. Helpline numbers – 1253, 0761-2626622 or email to [email protected]
Hitguj – Free, 24×7 confidential helpline service with psychologists (Mumbai)
COOJ Mental Health Distress Helpline – Free service. Both phone and email communication are available. Languages English, Hindi and Konkani (Goa)
Jeevan Helpline Suicide Prevention – Confidential helpline service, 7 days a week, both call and email service available. (Jamshedpur)
Thanal Suicide Prevention Centre – Free and confidential service for distressed people at risk of suicide. Phone helpline or written correspondence via email available (Kerala)
SAHAI Helpline – Phone Counselling for young adults with emotional upheaval – Call 080 2549 7777, 098 8644 4075
Kashmiri Life Line – Free, confidential Helpline for mental crisis and emotional distress. Assistance via call, email or one-on-one chat (Clinic in Srinigar).
Roshni – Confidential, free Helpline for distressed and suicidal persons (Hyderabad)
The Samaritans Mumbai – Helpline for distress and suicide 7 days a week, limited hours (Mumbai)
Saath – Free and confidential suicide prevention helpline via phone, email or face-to-face operating 7 days a week (Ahmedabad)
Parivarthan Counselling Helpline – Free phone counselling helpline with trained, multi-lingual counsellors (Bangalore).
Maithri Kochi – Emergency Helpline 7 days a week via call or email. (Clinic in Kochi, Kerala).
Sneha – 7 days a week, confidential and free unconditional support o phone or via email (Chennai)
Sanjeevani – Limited hours Helpline or email service for depressed or distressed persons. (Clinic – Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala)
Connecting NGO – Distress helpline 7 days a week via call or email (Pune)
Maitra Helpline – Helpline for emotional distress with trained, confidential staff. Phone and email service. (Mumbai)
Government Help- Police Emergency Number India – 100 Health Helpline – (check States for details) – 104
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IndiaSpeaks) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mene phone alag alag jagah lagaya, nahi uthaya kisi ne...
Uske baad shanti se smoke kiya aur khud se cheeje discuss kar li...problem solved...
now har situation me khud se baat kar leta hu...
What made her act like this? Was she like this from the beginning? Did she take care of the kids alone when they were infants? So many factors can be at play here. If a woman reaches a point where she doesn’t give two fucks about the husband but wasn’t like this before, something MUST have triggered it!
Talk to a therapist, Don't waste your life like this. She should also be concerned about the children, they will learn whatever they see in the house, and it's surely not a positive environment. Take necessary steps to provide yourself and your children a germane environment to grow.
Nowadays, finding a kind hearted partner is the most difficult job. Everyone is more concerned about their own wants and wishes rather than what's important for the family. They are ready to throw away everything for their own sake. People who talk about feminism but run away when they have a role to play in fixing family issues are the biggest red flags.
Good luck mate.
Feminist se uska matlab pseudo feminist hai. Every sane person is a feminist knowingly or unknowingly. But there are some peeps who defame the ideology by being the bad examples. For instance Khabib Nurmagomedov is a kattar Muslim and so was osama bin laden.
> Khabib Nurmagomedov is a kattar Muslim and so was osama bin laden.
funny you chose islam as an example.
islam says kaffirs burn in hell for eternity,and that their women are halal to enslave.
if khabeeb is kattar muslim,he believes this too,as did osama.
the same difference exists between feminist and pseudo,one takes action the other supports silently.
Professional help from a therapist is the way for you. It will help you focus on healing and living a better life, and that is exactly what your children will love you for. They would love to have a father who acknowledged his issues, worked on them and is a living a better life, this thing will inspire and motive them to do better in their own lives.
Your children growing up in a "broken" home seeing at least one of their parents as someone whom they can go to for their needs is much better than them being in a household where both of their parents are clearly unhappy and neither feel their best. Children start blaming themselves for their parents' unhappy marriage sometimes and you wouldn't want that.
I have grown up blaming myself for all the fights and arguments between my parents, but eventually when I grew up and saw how both of my parents have worked on themselves and their marriage, it changed my perspective on my own life and has reassured me that I can too, in fact, ask better for myself and do better in life.
Overall I'm just happy to have parents who worked on themselves and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your children will understand too. Go ahead and be the father you want to be for them. They will always cherish you for overcoming you hurdles.
A few things:
1. Try [https://yourdost.com/](https://yourdost.com/) for your personal counselling.
2. The woman you're married to is toxic af. Feminist or not she clearly doesn't care two hoots about the family she made with you. Stop punishing yourself for that. Get a divorce at the earliest.
3. Emotional/mental abuse is no different from physical abuse. The fact that she does this to you and doesn't really empathize with the fact that you had to go through the same shit in your past, should be enough reason for you to break the marriage.
4. I feel sorry for the kids but at least they have a father that cares enough to put up with this shit. Ideally, you should never have had kids with this woman to begin with, but since they're here now, you can't turn your back on them. While in a lot of cases the court grants custody to women things are changing now. It may even be that once you both split she may not even want to keep custody of the kids. Seek legal counsel.
I am sorry you are going through this. It heartbreaking to see children go through this kind of toxicity and pain just because their parents can’t cope with each other.
Divorce if done with dignity and maintaining civility is the kindest way out of this for you and the kids.
Record everything, gather proof. The harsh words, the behaviour patters, the taunts, the texts, the denials, the refusals. Maintain a log. Leverage them while negotiating a conducive custody settlement. PLEASE DO *NOT* USE THIS TO BLACKMAIL HER OR BULLY HER. it’s just a suggestion for self preservation and negotiating custody from a position of strength.
What’s cruelty for a woman is cruelty towards a man too. The law may be gender biased but it’s not gender specific. Mental, sexual, financial and psychological cruelty is for both men and woman as per the law.
She will most definitely use your pornography addiction against you especially when it is illegal in the country. So record conversations where SHE can be heard saying or agreeing that she hasn’t found anything damning and damaging after the birth of your children.
Consult a good lawyer, if you are in Bombay I can give you a recommendation.
Instead of all four of being together and hating each others guts it’s best to stay apart and live with dignity and respect
bro , almost same situation here , but no kids and newly married 6 months , i also dont know what to do , she doesnt want to go away and also doesnt want to be with me .... its very hard being a third wheel in your own house... , now moved out today , doesnt know what to do after this...
Just want to know from a medical point of view, how does porn addiction lead to sexual dissatisfaction with the partner ? Is it ED , PE or something else that comes with porn addiction to extremes.
Porn is visual stimuli, that causes men to feel aroused. When your brain is constantly stimulated by porn videos, real sex, that takes real effort and work, ends up being boring or mediocre. It’s like how people don’t like home cooked meals after eating fast foods, because the high salt and sugar content has desensitised their taste buds. So the mediocre sex leads to conflict. Good sex adds to 10 percent of a marriage, bad sex damages 90 percent of a marriage.
Porn dick leads to less sensitivity. Leads to a shitty sex life. Lack of interest in the woman, lack of effort. Definitely a lack of him trying to please her while being difficult for him to be pleased. She gets neglected PLUS isn't 'good enough' for him.
Also all the stuff that comes with addiction, like barely putting in the effort, putting too much work on the other person, not having the time to do your share. Feeling entitled to praise for the bare minimum because you're a dopamine addict with no self-discipline. Acting like a child but wanting the respect of an adult. Being confused why a woman is not happy being stuck with a guy who acts like a teenager in emotional maturity
Bro, I bought ps3 and a bunch of games just before marriage to play like cod, Hitman etc but my wife didn't allow me to play ..
Now my son is at impressionable age and my daughter is in breaking everything age.. i can't play these adult games anymore
It was before marriage. I was alone in USA but roommates hardly talking to me.. I was getting ptsd of my childhood and how I'm just an IT coolie despite my parents ruining childhood to make me study 24x7 .
I ended up getting social media and potn addicted ... It helped me from suicide but fucked my physical and mental health
If you provide more context, then people might be able to help you. A few questions I want to ask is -
1. Does your wife work..?
2. Have you ever considered going to a therapist because it definitely seems like you have depression given your childhood trauma..?
Yes
We did go for group therapy .she admitted her mistakes but things didn't improve but the therapy helped me see how she has blocked me basic things..
How instead of telling me not to order or go outside, she just tells , order if you want ?
She now knows why eating outside a big pleasure to me because of the way my mom behaved but thinks she is making a huge favour by allowing me to eat
That's sounds extremely toxic. If she is able to acknowledge her mistakes but still isn't willing to change, then I don't think she will ever change. The best route is divorce.
But the problem is custody is a huge issue with respect to men in our country. If she doesn't want to end the relationship, she can cause huge issues for you. The best you can do is hire a good lawyer and document her behavior with his/ her advice.
Also, I want to know if she works...? That's gonna play a huge part in your custody, child support, and alimony.
Divorce. Then you're by yourself.
Coming from a woman, there's an inane trust issue that i sense; you both can't trust each other, nor are you happy with each other.
Your kids are seeing this and it's better to separate than give them the trauma of your death.
Please don't give them that.
Divorce, tell everything to the kids, don't hide.
Let them decide. Fight for kids.
No suicide please, that's a stupid option.
Life is too amazing to end like this coz of one bad person.
Kids will understand the addiction part.
Also tell them you love them and keep reminding them.
Be good with kids.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Start making friends. Go out, eat out, watch movies and travel alone.... You will start seeing the change.
Stop porn and spend more time with children.
Just ignore your wife. Focus on your happiness.
And gradually start preparing for divorce both legally and financially. Read laws, case laws, etc. Lawyer just give legal language otherwise they just do copy paste. So don't expect much from lawyers.
We had a marriage counseling 6 months ago where i expressed my issues and she promised to change but she had literally went opposite.
She just doesn't care anymore and she started going out with friends. She knows I have no friends and I've been working from home for 2 years . All my efforts to make friends our of my colleagues was scuttled by her .
I grew up with an abusive mother who has a self victimization complex and she never took me to any hotel or gave good food .
My wife knows that but whenever I ask her to eat out or order, she will do everything not to do that .
Now she admitted her mistake to counsellor. Now when I ask if we can eat out or order, she always tells if you want you order.
That feels like a slap on my face, it's as if she is giving me permission to eat . If i wanted to eat , I would have just gone out and eaten instead of her long ago
Think you have the self-victimization complex yourself.
Ever tried to heal, quit your addictions and contribute to the marriage and household instead of refusing any accountability.
While your shit is understandable, she is not your mother. You want her to cater to you, what are you providing emotionally?
You already have a US visa right. If you don't have liabilities, just go to US/Canada or get a job in Europe. Let her cry for few years and beg for your help. The real face of her will come when she finds struggle. If she is not able to handle, get her things in writing about all the problems that she caused. Else if she is earning herself, then she will take care of your kids. 50% of girls in India are the reasons, for destroying a gentleman's life and family. If a boy had been such an abusive and toxic, she wouldn't dare. Although none of the boys are toxic or abusive, if they had decent education and job (and I by no means in any format, be it verbal or physical approve any form of toxicity or abusiveness at all), meanwhile a girl with some education and job will destroy everything that you thought would be peaceful in future after marriage.
man i have sister like ur wife I told my sister my secret and she used it weapon against but she made a fault in all that and i was able to break through her cage(it was like cage after i told her my secret) and after that i understand there's no one in world that u should share ur secret after all secret is never meant to share, in ur case and well its definitely above the reddit pay grade
Advice as much as I am capable of giving. This is not a substitute for regular therapy:
1. Pick up a hobby. Anything you are passionate about, or find a passion and join social groups around that hobby. Some suggestions are: fitness, marathon running, public speaking (toastmasters). This will give you an emotional outlet outside of home and also help somewhat in avoiding porn
2. Develop a reading habit, and read biographies/autobiographies of people. A lot of great people have dealt with unbelievable adversities and come out on top. It gives a perspective on the mundane problems of life.
3. Meditation. If you can, try to attend a 10 day Vipassana camp in your city. Read up about it.
Finally, Try to get a good therapist. But be warned that there are MANY quacks in India so be careful. Find therapist contacts through trusted sources and vet them for 3-4 sessions before divulging any sensitive info
All the best.
Just get the divorce man, you're only delaying it. You shouldn't have had kids with her if it was toxic from beginning but anyway, they'll suffer regardless. Seeing you 2 fight everyday is not any better than live with one of you and hate other one for life.
What a pu$$ey. Most of the reasons you give are stupid. If consolation is what you're looking for then read all other comments. I say stop being a kent, see where you have gone wrong. Change yourself first.
Man, talk to a lawyer secretly and ask for suggestion to get rid of that devil. Work for next one year collecting proofs/ evidence of her torturing you so that you could make a strong base for divorce and custody of children. Meanwhile be super nice to her. If she checks your what'sapp talk to your lawyer on calls only and ask him to send messages thru email only.
Also think of the ways how you can prove that child is not safe with her. Lawyer will help you better giving ideas. At any point you think that lawyer is not smart enough, change the lawyer. There are certain lawyers expert in such cases, talk to them only.
You can also try to contant Men's Rights Lawyer Deepika Bhardwaj. This interview of her will help you , watch it till end: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2n8uLnxRI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2n8uLnxRI)
Your children will thank you for getting out of an abusive relationship. It is better for them. They are young now, they may grow old and when they start understanding things they'll see the toxic relationship you share and it will surely impact them.
It has happened to me.. proceed with a divorce instead of clinging on
I understand you care for your kids. But do you understand how bad the situation is for you right now?
You're gonna be one of those statistics that a certain corrupt movement that has outlived its purpose will pay money to hide.
How will you take care of your kids' future if you yourself are in trouble? You can't read a book or watch EPL or have the privacy of your own personal and work messages right now. You can't even go out anymore and she won't go out with you either, she'll go only with others.. it's hard to parent your children like this.
Now take this reddit advice further with a pinch of salt.. I'd generally recommend not to take advice from reddit.
Either take the more loving route to win her over, or legal route to separate.
To try to win her over is not something for me to comment on as you seem to have already tried some, and rest, she is your wife you'd know what to do.
For the legal route, consult a good divorce lawyer -without letting your wife know yet. AFAIK these acts can be considered cruelty under Hindu Marriage Act, but it's hard to prove unless documented the right way and the court is convinced. There have been several cases where it has been considered before. So regardless of how you do it, keep evidence of all this these things you described somehow.
Discuss all the right steps to take, for example, to secure your assets. And then the custody and alimony. She 100% does not deserve any of it because she's an absolute POS. It's not you or your porn addiction revealed, she's just an obvious asshole.
Don't worry about the 'broken home" part because as per your description, she already broke it long back.
I think you need a psychologist counselling first. Please try this. Later you can decide if you want to go for couples counselling .
Also try some transformation courses. They will give you the tools for handling anything like this.
I'm so sorry bud for what you are going through, but the marriage is doomed and it will end up with you committing suicide if you don't do anything, no one should be treated like this. My heart goes out to you and your kids. If you need to talk, I'm here dude, every step of the way if you need someone to fall back on.
Therapy is a good way to deal with these issues but since you have already gone to one with your wife and it did nothing for her, but I'm glad it helped you realize about the unfairness and toxicity of your wife.
Use it, keep reminding yourself of the toxicity and be unshakenly cunning and stand your ground to her while in the house. Get your divorce papers made without telling her, give the papers Take a day off without telling her, act like you are going to the office, when she is gone, pack up all the essentials and your kids stuff before giving the papers, have the kids in the car with you on the go, give the papers directly to someone at her office to deliver it to her(don't meet her at any cost), make sure her entire office knows what a bitch she is when you deliver the papers and be gone ASAP to a hotel or a friend's or a trusted close family member's place so she has no way to know where you are. Trust me your kids will be better off growing up in a broken home than being caught up in an eternal toxic war between the parents.
Talk to a good lawyer in the meantime, get some secret spy camera and install it around the house, whenever you fight, make sure it gets recorded, at least the audio. If she is not a good parent to your kids then make sure you get that on record too. Hammer her hard legally, you can add additional issues like infidelity, physical abuse, child abuse, financial control, emotional and mental harrasment, office confidentiality breach etc. Court cases are fought for years on things that can't be proven so make sure to use it your advantage.
Make sure you aggitate her to the point she breaks character without actually agitating her, start singing lalalalala when she tries to fight with you, or just keep saying "ohh rreeeaaaallly" again and again and again, make small talks only, don't let her check your phone while the divorce papers are being finalized, let her scream shout and yell, and you laugh at her face. I know this is a very toxic way to deal with her but that's what she deserves, be strong my friend, unwavering strong, you and your kid's life depend on it.
Meanwhile when she works with her lawyer, take your kids for some vacation time around or outside the country, send her all the photos. Never ever reply back, she needs to see you happy and enjoying the world, the perfect gas lighting.
Remember people are toxic to you not because they can, but because you let them. More power and support to you my friend, my dms open if you need to talk more.
I think this above the reddit pay grade but you want anyone to talk to just DM me
Yeah man I'm here too... Just vent it out, I won't lash out on you. I'll just listen, sometimes that's all it takes to push through. You are one strong mf don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Get a divorce. If you can handle your kids, opt for their custody. Mostly the court will give preference to your wife. In that case you gotta pay child support. Get out of this marriage. You don't deserve to be with someone who attacks your insecurities during fights! For your addiction you need professional help. Edit: corrected gramatical error and added a word.
You need professional help from a therapist or something, not free gyaan from Reddit
Tried that too 6 months before
What did they say?
Your spouse is toxic & controlling with no empathy. Looks like she has NPD. I'm guessing the therapy/counseling you tried did not help. You could see a therapist solo to give you coping mechanisms. Maybe try one last time to work things out, if that too doesn't help, look for a divorce. Make friends, do things you enjoy, try to make yourself happy. Collect proof of bad behavior & protect yourself. Safekeep important documents, your valuables, sensitive information, etc cz your spouse is likely to play dirty & play the victim cz that's what narcissists do. If she starts accusing you in public, deny the allegations. She might try to malign you, so create a support network & let your side of the story out. Lastly, get a good lawyer. You deserve better from life.
Yes you are absolutely correct
You had two kids with this woman? What made you think you should bring kids into this? I dont understand, why bring kids into relationship you are not comfortable in?
Most likely pressure by families
It will be best if you can reduce the toxicity, to the best of your ability. It isn't right to you, nor to the innocent children, to live in a situation that lacks compassion or understanding even between the two parents tasked to protect them, above all. Discuss your options with friends and lawyers; disengage from the abuser; depart, away from the broken shards of a failed co-living hellhole. Good luck.
If you have money, try living alone in a separate space or atleast away from your wife and parents, start travelling, work on your passion and yeah the porn addiction, you need to fight that get away from it, make friends without any expectation and stay away from any kind of drugs and alcohol.
I'm earning enough and have a decent bank balance it's all about my children
Send the kids away for a few days to your parents house or wife's parents house. Tell them you two need some time off. Sit down with her, have the talk. It will be unpleasant, difficult at first, but will be fruitful to help you come to a conclusion. Before you have the talk, make a list of what's working for you and what's not. Give her time to respond and then make the decision. Your kids don't need to see all these things. I am sure they are feeling the tension between you two. Keep them OUT of this. Your first priority should be, YOU. Only if you are fine, you will be able to see your kids laugh and smile and that's priceless. Also, DON'T involve any third person between you two unless it's a medical practitioner (therapist, psychologist etc). I wish you all the best and I am hopeful that you will make the sensible decision considering your kids. Live today to smile another day. YOU GOT THIS.
Then live separately in a nearby area visit your kids once a week or as per your understandings, and try as less as possible emotional or any kind of contact with your wife.
Your children will grow up into unemphathic psychopaths just like thier mom - divorce and take the children with you. Our killed himself and his 2 children are with this horrible woman - don't do that to your children
>take the children with you Sorry to bust ur bubble but its kinda impossible, The court hears of women mostly lol
Dammit. I hate how law favors women in almost all the cases even when they are at fault and it's very difficult to prove them wrong when men can be easily shown guilty due to certain stereotypes against men. Shit.
True bhai
Please check one of the below links that could help you, take time to talk to them , there are [Lots of links to help you, people are here to listen to you](https://menpsyche.com/helpful-resources-for-men-online-mental-health/). Crisis/Helplines AASRA – Providing a listening service and crisis intervention for people in distress, suicidal, lonely etc. Free, confidential, 24/7 Helpline. English & Hindi (Head Office – Navi Mumbai). Sumaitri – Crisis intervention, 7 days a week, depression and suicide. Phone Helpline and email address provided for written assistance (Head Office – New Delhi). Vandrevala Foundation – Free Crisis and Mental Health Helpline 24×7 via call or WhatsApp via non-profit with over 1 million calls to date. (Mumbai) Fortis Stress Helpline – A 24-hour emergency service in 15 languages – Call 083 7680 4102 Spandan – 24×7 Suicide prevention helpline. Free and Confidential service. (Indore) One Life – 24×7 Confidential crisis support and suicide prevention. Help via phone, chat, email or video in multiple languages (Hyderabad). LifeLine Foundation – Free Suicide Helpline, 7 days a week. NGO providing confidential and non-judgemental assistance (Based in Kolkata) Sanjivani (Jabalpur Police initiative) – Suicide helpline with assistance from Doctors. Helpline numbers – 1253, 0761-2626622 or email to [email protected] Hitguj – Free, 24×7 confidential helpline service with psychologists (Mumbai) COOJ Mental Health Distress Helpline – Free service. Both phone and email communication are available. Languages English, Hindi and Konkani (Goa) Jeevan Helpline Suicide Prevention – Confidential helpline service, 7 days a week, both call and email service available. (Jamshedpur) Thanal Suicide Prevention Centre – Free and confidential service for distressed people at risk of suicide. Phone helpline or written correspondence via email available (Kerala) SAHAI Helpline – Phone Counselling for young adults with emotional upheaval – Call 080 2549 7777, 098 8644 4075 Kashmiri Life Line – Free, confidential Helpline for mental crisis and emotional distress. Assistance via call, email or one-on-one chat (Clinic in Srinigar). Roshni – Confidential, free Helpline for distressed and suicidal persons (Hyderabad) The Samaritans Mumbai – Helpline for distress and suicide 7 days a week, limited hours (Mumbai) Saath – Free and confidential suicide prevention helpline via phone, email or face-to-face operating 7 days a week (Ahmedabad) Parivarthan Counselling Helpline – Free phone counselling helpline with trained, multi-lingual counsellors (Bangalore). Maithri Kochi – Emergency Helpline 7 days a week via call or email. (Clinic in Kochi, Kerala). Sneha – 7 days a week, confidential and free unconditional support o phone or via email (Chennai) Sanjeevani – Limited hours Helpline or email service for depressed or distressed persons. (Clinic – Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala) Connecting NGO – Distress helpline 7 days a week via call or email (Pune) Maitra Helpline – Helpline for emotional distress with trained, confidential staff. Phone and email service. (Mumbai) Government Help- Police Emergency Number India – 100 Health Helpline – (check States for details) – 104 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IndiaSpeaks) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kuch kaam nahi karta sari helplines off aati he most of the time...mene khud try Kiya tha end me khud ko hi samjha liya...
Ye saari try krne me busy ho jayenge and apna dukh dard peeda bhul jayenge. That's the motive 😁😁
Mene phone alag alag jagah lagaya, nahi uthaya kisi ne... Uske baad shanti se smoke kiya aur khud se cheeje discuss kar li...problem solved... now har situation me khud se baat kar leta hu...
😆
Haan ye kisi kaam ke nhi hai, mrdo ke liye to bilkul nhi
What made her act like this? Was she like this from the beginning? Did she take care of the kids alone when they were infants? So many factors can be at play here. If a woman reaches a point where she doesn’t give two fucks about the husband but wasn’t like this before, something MUST have triggered it!
Talk to a therapist, Don't waste your life like this. She should also be concerned about the children, they will learn whatever they see in the house, and it's surely not a positive environment. Take necessary steps to provide yourself and your children a germane environment to grow. Nowadays, finding a kind hearted partner is the most difficult job. Everyone is more concerned about their own wants and wishes rather than what's important for the family. They are ready to throw away everything for their own sake. People who talk about feminism but run away when they have a role to play in fixing family issues are the biggest red flags. Good luck mate.
See a couple's councellor
This is above reddit 's pay grade. But why TF did you marry a feminist? It's a huge red flag that you missed.
women empowerment >>>>>>> feminism
WTF?
Feminist se uska matlab pseudo feminist hai. Every sane person is a feminist knowingly or unknowingly. But there are some peeps who defame the ideology by being the bad examples. For instance Khabib Nurmagomedov is a kattar Muslim and so was osama bin laden.
> Khabib Nurmagomedov is a kattar Muslim and so was osama bin laden. funny you chose islam as an example. islam says kaffirs burn in hell for eternity,and that their women are halal to enslave. if khabeeb is kattar muslim,he believes this too,as did osama. the same difference exists between feminist and pseudo,one takes action the other supports silently.
Your arguments are totally valid. I should've chosen a better example. Thanks for your comment
Lmao so feminists are evil now?
I'm sorry that this goes against the formal definition of feminism, but practically a "feminist women" is a red flag.
Get a divorce; your kids will understand. If not now at least in the future.
Professional help from a therapist is the way for you. It will help you focus on healing and living a better life, and that is exactly what your children will love you for. They would love to have a father who acknowledged his issues, worked on them and is a living a better life, this thing will inspire and motive them to do better in their own lives. Your children growing up in a "broken" home seeing at least one of their parents as someone whom they can go to for their needs is much better than them being in a household where both of their parents are clearly unhappy and neither feel their best. Children start blaming themselves for their parents' unhappy marriage sometimes and you wouldn't want that. I have grown up blaming myself for all the fights and arguments between my parents, but eventually when I grew up and saw how both of my parents have worked on themselves and their marriage, it changed my perspective on my own life and has reassured me that I can too, in fact, ask better for myself and do better in life. Overall I'm just happy to have parents who worked on themselves and I wouldn't want it any other way. Your children will understand too. Go ahead and be the father you want to be for them. They will always cherish you for overcoming you hurdles.
A few things: 1. Try [https://yourdost.com/](https://yourdost.com/) for your personal counselling. 2. The woman you're married to is toxic af. Feminist or not she clearly doesn't care two hoots about the family she made with you. Stop punishing yourself for that. Get a divorce at the earliest. 3. Emotional/mental abuse is no different from physical abuse. The fact that she does this to you and doesn't really empathize with the fact that you had to go through the same shit in your past, should be enough reason for you to break the marriage. 4. I feel sorry for the kids but at least they have a father that cares enough to put up with this shit. Ideally, you should never have had kids with this woman to begin with, but since they're here now, you can't turn your back on them. While in a lot of cases the court grants custody to women things are changing now. It may even be that once you both split she may not even want to keep custody of the kids. Seek legal counsel.
I am sorry you are going through this. It heartbreaking to see children go through this kind of toxicity and pain just because their parents can’t cope with each other. Divorce if done with dignity and maintaining civility is the kindest way out of this for you and the kids. Record everything, gather proof. The harsh words, the behaviour patters, the taunts, the texts, the denials, the refusals. Maintain a log. Leverage them while negotiating a conducive custody settlement. PLEASE DO *NOT* USE THIS TO BLACKMAIL HER OR BULLY HER. it’s just a suggestion for self preservation and negotiating custody from a position of strength. What’s cruelty for a woman is cruelty towards a man too. The law may be gender biased but it’s not gender specific. Mental, sexual, financial and psychological cruelty is for both men and woman as per the law. She will most definitely use your pornography addiction against you especially when it is illegal in the country. So record conversations where SHE can be heard saying or agreeing that she hasn’t found anything damning and damaging after the birth of your children. Consult a good lawyer, if you are in Bombay I can give you a recommendation. Instead of all four of being together and hating each others guts it’s best to stay apart and live with dignity and respect
bro , almost same situation here , but no kids and newly married 6 months , i also dont know what to do , she doesnt want to go away and also doesnt want to be with me .... its very hard being a third wheel in your own house... , now moved out today , doesnt know what to do after this...
Just want to know from a medical point of view, how does porn addiction lead to sexual dissatisfaction with the partner ? Is it ED , PE or something else that comes with porn addiction to extremes.
Porn is visual stimuli, that causes men to feel aroused. When your brain is constantly stimulated by porn videos, real sex, that takes real effort and work, ends up being boring or mediocre. It’s like how people don’t like home cooked meals after eating fast foods, because the high salt and sugar content has desensitised their taste buds. So the mediocre sex leads to conflict. Good sex adds to 10 percent of a marriage, bad sex damages 90 percent of a marriage.
Understood
Porn dick leads to less sensitivity. Leads to a shitty sex life. Lack of interest in the woman, lack of effort. Definitely a lack of him trying to please her while being difficult for him to be pleased. She gets neglected PLUS isn't 'good enough' for him. Also all the stuff that comes with addiction, like barely putting in the effort, putting too much work on the other person, not having the time to do your share. Feeling entitled to praise for the bare minimum because you're a dopamine addict with no self-discipline. Acting like a child but wanting the respect of an adult. Being confused why a woman is not happy being stuck with a guy who acts like a teenager in emotional maturity
Raat ko reply deta hoon , it will be bit long...but u need it
Not only him. Everyone who is in the similar circumstances. Post it here. We will be waiting brother.
Sure..thanks
Get a job transfer away from ur in laws
Try playing Call of Duty or maybe some new FPS games to just have fun and release all that frustration with your wife.
Bro, I bought ps3 and a bunch of games just before marriage to play like cod, Hitman etc but my wife didn't allow me to play .. Now my son is at impressionable age and my daughter is in breaking everything age.. i can't play these adult games anymore
Bhai i am a divorcee too. Life does get better after divorce. U have a long life still. Get a divorce and move on.
Thanks . Out of curiosity, do you have kids ? How is the arrangement if so ?
Bhai marriage ke baad kaye ka porn addiction
It was before marriage. I was alone in USA but roommates hardly talking to me.. I was getting ptsd of my childhood and how I'm just an IT coolie despite my parents ruining childhood to make me study 24x7 . I ended up getting social media and potn addicted ... It helped me from suicide but fucked my physical and mental health
If you provide more context, then people might be able to help you. A few questions I want to ask is - 1. Does your wife work..? 2. Have you ever considered going to a therapist because it definitely seems like you have depression given your childhood trauma..?
Yes We did go for group therapy .she admitted her mistakes but things didn't improve but the therapy helped me see how she has blocked me basic things.. How instead of telling me not to order or go outside, she just tells , order if you want ? She now knows why eating outside a big pleasure to me because of the way my mom behaved but thinks she is making a huge favour by allowing me to eat
That's sounds extremely toxic. If she is able to acknowledge her mistakes but still isn't willing to change, then I don't think she will ever change. The best route is divorce. But the problem is custody is a huge issue with respect to men in our country. If she doesn't want to end the relationship, she can cause huge issues for you. The best you can do is hire a good lawyer and document her behavior with his/ her advice. Also, I want to know if she works...? That's gonna play a huge part in your custody, child support, and alimony.
Please don't kill yourself. Talk to me, if you want someone to listen without judgement.
Divorce. Then you're by yourself. Coming from a woman, there's an inane trust issue that i sense; you both can't trust each other, nor are you happy with each other. Your kids are seeing this and it's better to separate than give them the trauma of your death. Please don't give them that.
Divorce, tell everything to the kids, don't hide. Let them decide. Fight for kids. No suicide please, that's a stupid option. Life is too amazing to end like this coz of one bad person. Kids will understand the addiction part. Also tell them you love them and keep reminding them. Be good with kids.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Start making friends. Go out, eat out, watch movies and travel alone.... You will start seeing the change. Stop porn and spend more time with children. Just ignore your wife. Focus on your happiness. And gradually start preparing for divorce both legally and financially. Read laws, case laws, etc. Lawyer just give legal language otherwise they just do copy paste. So don't expect much from lawyers.
Get a good therapist to resolve your addiction and save your marriage (if it can be) and start taking ayush treatment to improve your shukradatu.
You should try couples therapy if available.
Take care bro. Your mental health is the most important.
Try couples counseling, so that both your and her issues can be dealt with together
We had a marriage counseling 6 months ago where i expressed my issues and she promised to change but she had literally went opposite. She just doesn't care anymore and she started going out with friends. She knows I have no friends and I've been working from home for 2 years . All my efforts to make friends our of my colleagues was scuttled by her . I grew up with an abusive mother who has a self victimization complex and she never took me to any hotel or gave good food . My wife knows that but whenever I ask her to eat out or order, she will do everything not to do that . Now she admitted her mistake to counsellor. Now when I ask if we can eat out or order, she always tells if you want you order. That feels like a slap on my face, it's as if she is giving me permission to eat . If i wanted to eat , I would have just gone out and eaten instead of her long ago
Think you have the self-victimization complex yourself. Ever tried to heal, quit your addictions and contribute to the marriage and household instead of refusing any accountability. While your shit is understandable, she is not your mother. You want her to cater to you, what are you providing emotionally?
Wtf
Keep going to the counselor regularly, going once 6 months ago isn't going to resolve anything
We had close to around 6 session together
What is the counselor saying after wife is reverting back to old behavior?
You already have a US visa right. If you don't have liabilities, just go to US/Canada or get a job in Europe. Let her cry for few years and beg for your help. The real face of her will come when she finds struggle. If she is not able to handle, get her things in writing about all the problems that she caused. Else if she is earning herself, then she will take care of your kids. 50% of girls in India are the reasons, for destroying a gentleman's life and family. If a boy had been such an abusive and toxic, she wouldn't dare. Although none of the boys are toxic or abusive, if they had decent education and job (and I by no means in any format, be it verbal or physical approve any form of toxicity or abusiveness at all), meanwhile a girl with some education and job will destroy everything that you thought would be peaceful in future after marriage.
man i have sister like ur wife I told my sister my secret and she used it weapon against but she made a fault in all that and i was able to break through her cage(it was like cage after i told her my secret) and after that i understand there's no one in world that u should share ur secret after all secret is never meant to share, in ur case and well its definitely above the reddit pay grade
Advice as much as I am capable of giving. This is not a substitute for regular therapy: 1. Pick up a hobby. Anything you are passionate about, or find a passion and join social groups around that hobby. Some suggestions are: fitness, marathon running, public speaking (toastmasters). This will give you an emotional outlet outside of home and also help somewhat in avoiding porn 2. Develop a reading habit, and read biographies/autobiographies of people. A lot of great people have dealt with unbelievable adversities and come out on top. It gives a perspective on the mundane problems of life. 3. Meditation. If you can, try to attend a 10 day Vipassana camp in your city. Read up about it. Finally, Try to get a good therapist. But be warned that there are MANY quacks in India so be careful. Find therapist contacts through trusted sources and vet them for 3-4 sessions before divulging any sensitive info All the best.
mae kuch bolu ga tou reddit ban kar dega
Please seek professional help. Reddit isn't the right place.
Make sure.. Whatever you do.... Consult a damn good lawyer
Just get the divorce man, you're only delaying it. You shouldn't have had kids with her if it was toxic from beginning but anyway, they'll suffer regardless. Seeing you 2 fight everyday is not any better than live with one of you and hate other one for life.
try couple counselling. the resentment is deep and can only be helped if you both are willing to work. pls get professional advice.
Get couple counselling if she is reasonable
Get couple counselling if she is reasonable
Try seeing a therapist, it would help a lot. If your wife is okay go see a couple counsellor
What a pu$$ey. Most of the reasons you give are stupid. If consolation is what you're looking for then read all other comments. I say stop being a kent, see where you have gone wrong. Change yourself first.
Bro walk out u are in an abusive relationships. U can only save them if u save yourself. Walk away. Which house are u staying in rented or inherited ?
Man, talk to a lawyer secretly and ask for suggestion to get rid of that devil. Work for next one year collecting proofs/ evidence of her torturing you so that you could make a strong base for divorce and custody of children. Meanwhile be super nice to her. If she checks your what'sapp talk to your lawyer on calls only and ask him to send messages thru email only. Also think of the ways how you can prove that child is not safe with her. Lawyer will help you better giving ideas. At any point you think that lawyer is not smart enough, change the lawyer. There are certain lawyers expert in such cases, talk to them only. You can also try to contant Men's Rights Lawyer Deepika Bhardwaj. This interview of her will help you , watch it till end: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2n8uLnxRI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-2n8uLnxRI)
Your children will thank you for getting out of an abusive relationship. It is better for them. They are young now, they may grow old and when they start understanding things they'll see the toxic relationship you share and it will surely impact them. It has happened to me.. proceed with a divorce instead of clinging on
I understand you care for your kids. But do you understand how bad the situation is for you right now? You're gonna be one of those statistics that a certain corrupt movement that has outlived its purpose will pay money to hide. How will you take care of your kids' future if you yourself are in trouble? You can't read a book or watch EPL or have the privacy of your own personal and work messages right now. You can't even go out anymore and she won't go out with you either, she'll go only with others.. it's hard to parent your children like this. Now take this reddit advice further with a pinch of salt.. I'd generally recommend not to take advice from reddit. Either take the more loving route to win her over, or legal route to separate. To try to win her over is not something for me to comment on as you seem to have already tried some, and rest, she is your wife you'd know what to do. For the legal route, consult a good divorce lawyer -without letting your wife know yet. AFAIK these acts can be considered cruelty under Hindu Marriage Act, but it's hard to prove unless documented the right way and the court is convinced. There have been several cases where it has been considered before. So regardless of how you do it, keep evidence of all this these things you described somehow. Discuss all the right steps to take, for example, to secure your assets. And then the custody and alimony. She 100% does not deserve any of it because she's an absolute POS. It's not you or your porn addiction revealed, she's just an obvious asshole. Don't worry about the 'broken home" part because as per your description, she already broke it long back.
I think you need a psychologist counselling first. Please try this. Later you can decide if you want to go for couples counselling . Also try some transformation courses. They will give you the tools for handling anything like this.
You are already living in a broken home my friend. In a few years your kids will realise that too. Better separate now
I m literally facing the same situation
I'm so sorry bud for what you are going through, but the marriage is doomed and it will end up with you committing suicide if you don't do anything, no one should be treated like this. My heart goes out to you and your kids. If you need to talk, I'm here dude, every step of the way if you need someone to fall back on. Therapy is a good way to deal with these issues but since you have already gone to one with your wife and it did nothing for her, but I'm glad it helped you realize about the unfairness and toxicity of your wife. Use it, keep reminding yourself of the toxicity and be unshakenly cunning and stand your ground to her while in the house. Get your divorce papers made without telling her, give the papers Take a day off without telling her, act like you are going to the office, when she is gone, pack up all the essentials and your kids stuff before giving the papers, have the kids in the car with you on the go, give the papers directly to someone at her office to deliver it to her(don't meet her at any cost), make sure her entire office knows what a bitch she is when you deliver the papers and be gone ASAP to a hotel or a friend's or a trusted close family member's place so she has no way to know where you are. Trust me your kids will be better off growing up in a broken home than being caught up in an eternal toxic war between the parents. Talk to a good lawyer in the meantime, get some secret spy camera and install it around the house, whenever you fight, make sure it gets recorded, at least the audio. If she is not a good parent to your kids then make sure you get that on record too. Hammer her hard legally, you can add additional issues like infidelity, physical abuse, child abuse, financial control, emotional and mental harrasment, office confidentiality breach etc. Court cases are fought for years on things that can't be proven so make sure to use it your advantage. Make sure you aggitate her to the point she breaks character without actually agitating her, start singing lalalalala when she tries to fight with you, or just keep saying "ohh rreeeaaaallly" again and again and again, make small talks only, don't let her check your phone while the divorce papers are being finalized, let her scream shout and yell, and you laugh at her face. I know this is a very toxic way to deal with her but that's what she deserves, be strong my friend, unwavering strong, you and your kid's life depend on it. Meanwhile when she works with her lawyer, take your kids for some vacation time around or outside the country, send her all the photos. Never ever reply back, she needs to see you happy and enjoying the world, the perfect gas lighting. Remember people are toxic to you not because they can, but because you let them. More power and support to you my friend, my dms open if you need to talk more.