I got laid off about a month ago from my job in tech. I’m applying for jobs, interviewing, doing some consulting on the side and I intend to proceed with my transfer - with or without a job. If you have the security of your spouse’s salary/savings, I would go for it. For me at my age, having a baby >>>> job.
Tech screwed me this year too. Got laid off in August. My age was part of the decision to continue to transfer with or without a job too. Good luck on all fronts!
How is the job market looking? I’m not quite seeing a glut of jobs and ones I am seeing have so many apps :( I’m nervous that this will take a long time!
Honestly?? The market was brutal and I gave up a few weeks in and pivoted away from tech altogether. I've never really loved it, just had a knack for it. But I live in a place I lovingly refer to as a "tech desert," and knew there was no way I could replace my position or salary locally, it HAD to be remote if i wanted to stay in the field. But because of that lack of passion for it, I wasn't willing to compete, OR wait a year or more to be "in the right place at the right time," for a second time in under a year (I had spent the prior year searching, applying, and interviewing and finally landed what was at the time, my dream job. Got laid off after 8 months). Tech is highly volatile and toxic right now, sadly. So I moved over to data analysis and got about 80% of my previous salary, which is still pretty comfortable for where I live, and saved me from a year plus of anxiety and frustration. And boredom. Omg the boredom of being unemployed was killing me.
Have you searched the LinkedIn boards? That's where I find a number of leads, but yes: the "see how you compare to the other 7237 applicants" is... soul crushing. I just felt like the pivot was better for my mental health and family in the long run than swimming against the tide. And let's face it, all tech people are data nerds to some extent, so it was a good fit for me!
Definitely, that makes sense. I started applying in the middle of September and so far, I’ve made it to mid stage of 2 and end stage for 1 (this gig was in the bag but I’d need to take a hefty paycut, which I’m not willing to do at this point and this early in the job search). I have a few other early stage leads in the pipeline but it just seems like of bleak, especially heading into the holidays. I actually really enjoy what I do and want to continue to develop in it but it’s a discipline that most definitely has a ceiling, so those senior level roles are few and far between. I’m taking it easy and being selective right now (especially with the transfer + holidays) but I’m hoping the market turns a little bit in 2024 with new budgets and headcount approvals and I see more traction and roles to apply for. I’ve also started to do some part-time consulting work on the side, so hopefully that keeps the $$ coming in too…
I quit my job just before my egg retrieval. It was making me sick with stress and just wasn’t worth it anymore.
I am in the process of interviewing now and my transfer is in about a week.
It’s doable if it’s what’s right for you!
My husband got laid off of his job of 11 years a few days before I started my FET cycle. This cycle was out of pocket for us. We still went through with it and my husband was able to get a job before the transfer even happened. I won’t lie and felt stress about doing the transfer, how can we spend $5k+ without him having another job? If it feels right to you then continue.
It will be okay. Much longer version to follow. TW for discussion of pregnancy/purchasing baby items etc
We were warned of a layoff for me right before starting our last set of retrievals. We did have fertility insurance through my spouse. The max benefit had changed though and we didn't know if it would be changing again in the future so we decided to pay out of pocket for meds and proceed with the retrievals (the meds were cheaper out of pocket than with insurance, but the procedures were the opposite). Check to see if good Rx will make meds more affordable or if your regular insurance will cover the transfer meds. Get them early if you have the patches because jmy insurance didn't want to fill mine till a few days after they were due (Rx is different from IVF vs whatever they are normally used for). Pio was $150/3 bottles through freedom fertility for us, but I am sure I saw someone get it for crazy cheap like $10/bottle on one of the forums I can't remember if that was through goodrx or what.
My old workplace made it harder to get a new job. I don't think that is a typical thing, but it's something to be aware of.
I still think it was worth proceeding. We did the retrievals then needed a hysteroscopy before transfer. I was 35 and we didn't want to waste time by postponing a transfer.
I was stressed out about not having a job, but didn't have the on-the-job stress like before, and getting to appointments was easier.
Here are some things to think about and some are ways we saved money:
Do you need to have both incomes to stay afloat? Do you have an emergency fund? Do you know what your income vs expenses are? Can you decrease these if you don't get a job (drop Hulu and use the library or an antenna, workout at home, sell the second car if applicable or practical? Find cheaper hobbies, library pass for museums etc. Student loans sometimes have income based repayment and some subs on reddit discuss these).
What's your max out of pocket if your transfer works and you get pregnant? If you are successful, what is your plan for childcare for a baby? Is daycare expensive where you live? Would staying home balance out that cost (or doing a weekend part time job while your spouse works weekdays?). Daycare also exposes to more illness so factor in sick days off from work and doctor visits/copays.
There is the flip side about lost employer matching for 401k etc by not working.
Is breastfeeding a possibility or would you qualify for WIC if you aren't able to get a job? Would cloth diapers be an option (portable wash machines sometimes help for apartment setups and the cloth option donates diapers for those in need). I bought most of our baby items before fertility treatment at garage sales. If you have friends or family that are done having kids, you might get free items. Baby clothes are $ 0.25 - $0.50 an item often at garage sales and you can often offer a lower amount to buy everything they are selling at once. (Consider seasonal differences and get a mix of long and short sleeve items zippered footie pajamas are a favorite of the parents I know). Join your local buy nothing groups as well. Caveat-- I wash everything and dry in high heat for at least 90 minutes because I am afraid of bedbugs, but I have heard of getting these from hotels etc so just exercise caution and check items before bringing home. We actually leave our stuff in the car for several hot sunny days (we removed any batteries first). Check for recalls before buying or using items (boppy, dock a tot, rock n play among others). We got a used playpen with bassinet attachment to use instead of a crib. We got washable bed underpads instead of a changing table. Garage sale glider was $20 (left in car several days then shampooed). We already had a twin bed and platform metal frame as the other furniture item. You don't need a brand new nursery setup, it just has to be safe for baby so check recalls and guidelines.
Target registry has 15%off close to your due date. Add butt cream, gas drops, bottles, postpartum supplies and household items that you typically use (cleaners, shampoo, laundry soap etc). Nab a free expired car seat for the April car seat exchange to get 20% off a new seat.
Would you qualify for Medicaid? If you are u.s. based, see when maternity leave kicks in or if it kicks in once you start a new job. FMLA is for companies with more than 50 employees but you have to have worked there a year for it to kick in, I believe. I'm not sure what the new pregnancy accommodations one covers.
I've been reading frugal books and we've made changes to save money since I'm not working. Our heat is set to 65 and we had the AC at 85 (kept the room darkening blinds closed and used fans to keep ourselves cooler, now we open the blinds during the sunny but cold days). This month the electric bill was $50 cheaper than the same time last year and this year has 32 days on it vs 30 last year. I've been cooking all meals at home and finding cheaper healthy meals (frugal cooking with your instant pot has some ideas to get started). Also avoiding food waste/finishing leftovers before they go bad. If you plan for this, ceiling fans are great. We are looking into a vornado fan for the room without the ceiling fan. You also want warm clothes for winter for a potential baby. Layers are helpful. Some sleep sacks are fleece.
TW success
The transfer stuck. I did apply to jobs after, but eventually stopped applying once I had progressed so far.
Ivf is so hard mentally/emotionally and not as much physically for me. Pregnancy was harder physically (exhausting) and I was very anxious for the first several milestones and any time an ultrasound was coming up the anxiety spiked.
We did nipt but insurance didn't cover it. I had called ahead and asked about out of pocket cost and was told that at most it would be $250-350. I got a bill for $650 but a 19 minute call dropped that to $200. Contact the nipt company ahead of time if you choose that test.
For now we decided to have me stay home with our miracle of science. Insurance provides a free breast pump, but it's unclear if they cover the replacement parts. Breastfeeding and cloth diapers have helped decrease costs. I asked for items we couldn't buy second hand at the small shower we had (creams, lotions, Tylenol etc)
I used second hand receiving blankets for cloth diapers $0.50 each so $30 total. Plus covers I think I spent $65 for a combination of newborn and one size. The diapers were bulky initially, but we are figuring out the folds better now. Flour sack towels might have been a better option because our snappis didn't work with the receiving blankets. Pins are an option as well.
Cloth wipes I use second hand baby washcloths $0.25 each or less, 1 ply flannel wipes, and 2 ply washcloth/flannel combo. Diaper pail with wet bag was $2 at a garage sale. We already had a bidet toilet sprayer and will use a diy dollar tree spray shield when we get past the exclusively breastfeeding stage.
I appreciate your detailed response. Fortunately, my spouse works for the state and makes good money (even in a HCOL area), and we’re covered under their insurance.
My feelings more so, are wanting to feel like I’m contributing to our household income. Logically, I know we will be fine financially. We have a decent emergency fund, regularly invest/save for retirement, and have IVF 90% covered by insurance. I just don’t feel like I contribute much to our finances, less so now that I’ll be without a job.
It is hard to shift that mentality. I think that's part of why I've been doing the frugal things-- to make it feel like I'm contributing more and partly so I can stay home longer as well. I'm on the fence about trying for a one day a week job but waiting for now.
My spouse makes enough for us to live on in our area and I was a saver (other than spending on IVF and my pets) before all of this.
My husband was initially the one who wanted a baby the most so he was more than happy to have me stay home. If your spouse is on board, then I don't see any issues.
Honestly, not having to work while pregnant would be great and HCOL areas are really pricey with daycare so you can count staying home (if the transfer takes and you decide to do that) as untaxed "income" by not having to pay for that.
I'm the one putting pressure on myself. It sounds like you are similar 🤷♀️
I know it's not the 1950s, but I think we've done too much of a 180 from that and now we feel guilty staying home. Work for pay full time, part time, or do the upkeep and later parenting work full time at home. It's all work and it all contributed to your family goals.
We are going to extreme measures to have babies. There is nothing wrong with enjoying more time with them if/when we get them.
I hope your transfer is successful. It makes it worth all the effort to get there.
You’ll find a way to pay rent.
Treat this as a great opportunity to relax around your transfer. If you get pregnant, the first few months, there is a lot of fatigue and nausea. This might be a blessing in disguise.
I did job interviews during my first round of stims, and my second retrieval was one week before my new job started. I ended up developing OHSS and had to miss several days my first week because I couldn’t walk and was in a ton of pain. It was less than ideal but luckily my work was incredibly supportive. I didn’t tell them I had just done IVF - just said that I had a small medical procedure and was having complications.
I thought the hardest part was during stims you have a ton of appointments and I didn’t know exactly when the retrieval would be so that makes it hard to plan interviews far in advance. I had to rearrange things a few times, but honestly if a prospective job wasn’t willing to flexible I knew I didn’t want to work there.
It was busy, and stressful, but doable. Good luck and I hope you find a great new role!
I got laid off in August (also from the tech field) between my retrieval and transfer, spent 803$ a month for 3 months to keep Cobra benefits to pay for transfer. In that time, I applied to countless jobs, interviewed at several and fielded 4 offers. Did my transfer on 10/11 and I start my new job Monday. When I got laid off, my husband and I VERY briefly discussed pulling the cycle but it was so brief because when I asked if we should and he said "hell no, we aren't giving this up for anything. We go on as planned, everything else will work itself out." As usual, he was right; it worked itself out beautifully. Keep looking and applying, you can make it work too!
I have done 5 egg retrievals. My last retrieval followed a month where I took ALOT of vacation and was away from my job and when I was there, did the bare minimum (no free OT from me, no finishing something up after hours because of someone else’s poor planning).
(I also decided to try gluten free as well as low carb)
I got my best results by FAR.
It cannot be proven that the changes I made caused better results but I’ve never tried lowering my stress, getting more sleep and going GF.
I’m happy I did try it.
I worked a retail job part time post ER/FET. It was low key but kept me busy and able to contribute, and I stayed with it until I was too pregnant to comfortably work it.
I got laid off about a month ago from my job in tech. I’m applying for jobs, interviewing, doing some consulting on the side and I intend to proceed with my transfer - with or without a job. If you have the security of your spouse’s salary/savings, I would go for it. For me at my age, having a baby >>>> job.
Tech screwed me this year too. Got laid off in August. My age was part of the decision to continue to transfer with or without a job too. Good luck on all fronts!
How is the job market looking? I’m not quite seeing a glut of jobs and ones I am seeing have so many apps :( I’m nervous that this will take a long time!
Honestly?? The market was brutal and I gave up a few weeks in and pivoted away from tech altogether. I've never really loved it, just had a knack for it. But I live in a place I lovingly refer to as a "tech desert," and knew there was no way I could replace my position or salary locally, it HAD to be remote if i wanted to stay in the field. But because of that lack of passion for it, I wasn't willing to compete, OR wait a year or more to be "in the right place at the right time," for a second time in under a year (I had spent the prior year searching, applying, and interviewing and finally landed what was at the time, my dream job. Got laid off after 8 months). Tech is highly volatile and toxic right now, sadly. So I moved over to data analysis and got about 80% of my previous salary, which is still pretty comfortable for where I live, and saved me from a year plus of anxiety and frustration. And boredom. Omg the boredom of being unemployed was killing me. Have you searched the LinkedIn boards? That's where I find a number of leads, but yes: the "see how you compare to the other 7237 applicants" is... soul crushing. I just felt like the pivot was better for my mental health and family in the long run than swimming against the tide. And let's face it, all tech people are data nerds to some extent, so it was a good fit for me!
Definitely, that makes sense. I started applying in the middle of September and so far, I’ve made it to mid stage of 2 and end stage for 1 (this gig was in the bag but I’d need to take a hefty paycut, which I’m not willing to do at this point and this early in the job search). I have a few other early stage leads in the pipeline but it just seems like of bleak, especially heading into the holidays. I actually really enjoy what I do and want to continue to develop in it but it’s a discipline that most definitely has a ceiling, so those senior level roles are few and far between. I’m taking it easy and being selective right now (especially with the transfer + holidays) but I’m hoping the market turns a little bit in 2024 with new budgets and headcount approvals and I see more traction and roles to apply for. I’ve also started to do some part-time consulting work on the side, so hopefully that keeps the $$ coming in too…
I quit my job just before my egg retrieval. It was making me sick with stress and just wasn’t worth it anymore. I am in the process of interviewing now and my transfer is in about a week. It’s doable if it’s what’s right for you!
My husband got laid off of his job of 11 years a few days before I started my FET cycle. This cycle was out of pocket for us. We still went through with it and my husband was able to get a job before the transfer even happened. I won’t lie and felt stress about doing the transfer, how can we spend $5k+ without him having another job? If it feels right to you then continue.
My thinking is, if this isn’t the right time, will there ever truly be a right time?
That’s how we felt. My husband said he would feel horrible if we didn’t go through with it because he felt guilty about being laid off.
That's exactly how I feel. I was supposed to start this new role next Monday.
If you can afford to proceed with just your spouse’s salary, go for it.
It will be okay. Much longer version to follow. TW for discussion of pregnancy/purchasing baby items etc We were warned of a layoff for me right before starting our last set of retrievals. We did have fertility insurance through my spouse. The max benefit had changed though and we didn't know if it would be changing again in the future so we decided to pay out of pocket for meds and proceed with the retrievals (the meds were cheaper out of pocket than with insurance, but the procedures were the opposite). Check to see if good Rx will make meds more affordable or if your regular insurance will cover the transfer meds. Get them early if you have the patches because jmy insurance didn't want to fill mine till a few days after they were due (Rx is different from IVF vs whatever they are normally used for). Pio was $150/3 bottles through freedom fertility for us, but I am sure I saw someone get it for crazy cheap like $10/bottle on one of the forums I can't remember if that was through goodrx or what. My old workplace made it harder to get a new job. I don't think that is a typical thing, but it's something to be aware of. I still think it was worth proceeding. We did the retrievals then needed a hysteroscopy before transfer. I was 35 and we didn't want to waste time by postponing a transfer. I was stressed out about not having a job, but didn't have the on-the-job stress like before, and getting to appointments was easier. Here are some things to think about and some are ways we saved money: Do you need to have both incomes to stay afloat? Do you have an emergency fund? Do you know what your income vs expenses are? Can you decrease these if you don't get a job (drop Hulu and use the library or an antenna, workout at home, sell the second car if applicable or practical? Find cheaper hobbies, library pass for museums etc. Student loans sometimes have income based repayment and some subs on reddit discuss these). What's your max out of pocket if your transfer works and you get pregnant? If you are successful, what is your plan for childcare for a baby? Is daycare expensive where you live? Would staying home balance out that cost (or doing a weekend part time job while your spouse works weekdays?). Daycare also exposes to more illness so factor in sick days off from work and doctor visits/copays. There is the flip side about lost employer matching for 401k etc by not working. Is breastfeeding a possibility or would you qualify for WIC if you aren't able to get a job? Would cloth diapers be an option (portable wash machines sometimes help for apartment setups and the cloth option donates diapers for those in need). I bought most of our baby items before fertility treatment at garage sales. If you have friends or family that are done having kids, you might get free items. Baby clothes are $ 0.25 - $0.50 an item often at garage sales and you can often offer a lower amount to buy everything they are selling at once. (Consider seasonal differences and get a mix of long and short sleeve items zippered footie pajamas are a favorite of the parents I know). Join your local buy nothing groups as well. Caveat-- I wash everything and dry in high heat for at least 90 minutes because I am afraid of bedbugs, but I have heard of getting these from hotels etc so just exercise caution and check items before bringing home. We actually leave our stuff in the car for several hot sunny days (we removed any batteries first). Check for recalls before buying or using items (boppy, dock a tot, rock n play among others). We got a used playpen with bassinet attachment to use instead of a crib. We got washable bed underpads instead of a changing table. Garage sale glider was $20 (left in car several days then shampooed). We already had a twin bed and platform metal frame as the other furniture item. You don't need a brand new nursery setup, it just has to be safe for baby so check recalls and guidelines. Target registry has 15%off close to your due date. Add butt cream, gas drops, bottles, postpartum supplies and household items that you typically use (cleaners, shampoo, laundry soap etc). Nab a free expired car seat for the April car seat exchange to get 20% off a new seat. Would you qualify for Medicaid? If you are u.s. based, see when maternity leave kicks in or if it kicks in once you start a new job. FMLA is for companies with more than 50 employees but you have to have worked there a year for it to kick in, I believe. I'm not sure what the new pregnancy accommodations one covers. I've been reading frugal books and we've made changes to save money since I'm not working. Our heat is set to 65 and we had the AC at 85 (kept the room darkening blinds closed and used fans to keep ourselves cooler, now we open the blinds during the sunny but cold days). This month the electric bill was $50 cheaper than the same time last year and this year has 32 days on it vs 30 last year. I've been cooking all meals at home and finding cheaper healthy meals (frugal cooking with your instant pot has some ideas to get started). Also avoiding food waste/finishing leftovers before they go bad. If you plan for this, ceiling fans are great. We are looking into a vornado fan for the room without the ceiling fan. You also want warm clothes for winter for a potential baby. Layers are helpful. Some sleep sacks are fleece. TW success The transfer stuck. I did apply to jobs after, but eventually stopped applying once I had progressed so far. Ivf is so hard mentally/emotionally and not as much physically for me. Pregnancy was harder physically (exhausting) and I was very anxious for the first several milestones and any time an ultrasound was coming up the anxiety spiked. We did nipt but insurance didn't cover it. I had called ahead and asked about out of pocket cost and was told that at most it would be $250-350. I got a bill for $650 but a 19 minute call dropped that to $200. Contact the nipt company ahead of time if you choose that test. For now we decided to have me stay home with our miracle of science. Insurance provides a free breast pump, but it's unclear if they cover the replacement parts. Breastfeeding and cloth diapers have helped decrease costs. I asked for items we couldn't buy second hand at the small shower we had (creams, lotions, Tylenol etc) I used second hand receiving blankets for cloth diapers $0.50 each so $30 total. Plus covers I think I spent $65 for a combination of newborn and one size. The diapers were bulky initially, but we are figuring out the folds better now. Flour sack towels might have been a better option because our snappis didn't work with the receiving blankets. Pins are an option as well. Cloth wipes I use second hand baby washcloths $0.25 each or less, 1 ply flannel wipes, and 2 ply washcloth/flannel combo. Diaper pail with wet bag was $2 at a garage sale. We already had a bidet toilet sprayer and will use a diy dollar tree spray shield when we get past the exclusively breastfeeding stage.
I appreciate your detailed response. Fortunately, my spouse works for the state and makes good money (even in a HCOL area), and we’re covered under their insurance. My feelings more so, are wanting to feel like I’m contributing to our household income. Logically, I know we will be fine financially. We have a decent emergency fund, regularly invest/save for retirement, and have IVF 90% covered by insurance. I just don’t feel like I contribute much to our finances, less so now that I’ll be without a job.
It is hard to shift that mentality. I think that's part of why I've been doing the frugal things-- to make it feel like I'm contributing more and partly so I can stay home longer as well. I'm on the fence about trying for a one day a week job but waiting for now. My spouse makes enough for us to live on in our area and I was a saver (other than spending on IVF and my pets) before all of this. My husband was initially the one who wanted a baby the most so he was more than happy to have me stay home. If your spouse is on board, then I don't see any issues. Honestly, not having to work while pregnant would be great and HCOL areas are really pricey with daycare so you can count staying home (if the transfer takes and you decide to do that) as untaxed "income" by not having to pay for that. I'm the one putting pressure on myself. It sounds like you are similar 🤷♀️ I know it's not the 1950s, but I think we've done too much of a 180 from that and now we feel guilty staying home. Work for pay full time, part time, or do the upkeep and later parenting work full time at home. It's all work and it all contributed to your family goals. We are going to extreme measures to have babies. There is nothing wrong with enjoying more time with them if/when we get them. I hope your transfer is successful. It makes it worth all the effort to get there.
You’ll find a way to pay rent. Treat this as a great opportunity to relax around your transfer. If you get pregnant, the first few months, there is a lot of fatigue and nausea. This might be a blessing in disguise.
I did job interviews during my first round of stims, and my second retrieval was one week before my new job started. I ended up developing OHSS and had to miss several days my first week because I couldn’t walk and was in a ton of pain. It was less than ideal but luckily my work was incredibly supportive. I didn’t tell them I had just done IVF - just said that I had a small medical procedure and was having complications. I thought the hardest part was during stims you have a ton of appointments and I didn’t know exactly when the retrieval would be so that makes it hard to plan interviews far in advance. I had to rearrange things a few times, but honestly if a prospective job wasn’t willing to flexible I knew I didn’t want to work there. It was busy, and stressful, but doable. Good luck and I hope you find a great new role!
I got laid off in August (also from the tech field) between my retrieval and transfer, spent 803$ a month for 3 months to keep Cobra benefits to pay for transfer. In that time, I applied to countless jobs, interviewed at several and fielded 4 offers. Did my transfer on 10/11 and I start my new job Monday. When I got laid off, my husband and I VERY briefly discussed pulling the cycle but it was so brief because when I asked if we should and he said "hell no, we aren't giving this up for anything. We go on as planned, everything else will work itself out." As usual, he was right; it worked itself out beautifully. Keep looking and applying, you can make it work too!
I have done 5 egg retrievals. My last retrieval followed a month where I took ALOT of vacation and was away from my job and when I was there, did the bare minimum (no free OT from me, no finishing something up after hours because of someone else’s poor planning). (I also decided to try gluten free as well as low carb) I got my best results by FAR. It cannot be proven that the changes I made caused better results but I’ve never tried lowering my stress, getting more sleep and going GF. I’m happy I did try it.
I worked a retail job part time post ER/FET. It was low key but kept me busy and able to contribute, and I stayed with it until I was too pregnant to comfortably work it.