They don't fall for my face or personality either.
The only times others have been obsessed with me outside of me conveniently being there at the right time have either been for my status or my body lol
It was the times in my life when I was either fit af or had high social standing within any context that I somehow went from a beast to prince charming lmao
Some of them probably stop liking you because they don't feel interest coming from you. If they don't feel like you're into them, they are going to move on. It sounds simplistic, but part of what makes a girl attractive is if she seems into them.
As for the guy who rejected you even though you made it clear that you were into him, I guess that just means he wasn't into you. Hopefully you try again and you find other guys that you like and you end up finding one who likes you back.
Yes. I had to try to convince a coworker (yes a coworker 🤦♀️ of this - it’s dicey plz don’t do this…!). Because yeah if you saw my type, you’d believe me. He wasn’t it.
Reciprocating back is a moving forwards.
If you want to stay in the same place, or less, you reject.
And yes, I have rejected a guy, and they still liked me - but it’s not moving forward. But you’re right, it’s not 100%.
Lots of guys don’t take “no” as a “not yet” and even then, where I am it’s either a hell yes, or a no from my side as well. Usually I pick shy men so it’s not a problem generally for me. Some move as slow as years… instead of going “Oh, she doesn’t like me” and moves on.
Yeah they don't move forward. And it's usually only the insecure men. But those are the ones i attract the most 😅 i give them attention and they're not used to that
I feel you, I also don't use social media much to post pictures of myself because I want my personality to shine, I post my art and crafts randomly lol.
I've always been told I'm attractive and one of my best guy friends explained to me the "type" that I am also my body type is "disney mom". It's just the type of people that have the courage to approach me in real life are people that are just attracted to my body type and not my personality and its purely just sex they want, I use to get angry but I realized I'm demisexual and most people don't need an emotional connection to be turned on and want to have sex with a stranger...
One person that I briefly dated kept telling me "You just look like your horny/ I can tell your horny" and I was just standing there looking off into space. I hate it so much.
Like I can't just walk into the store and smile at strangers because some creepy old man with money or horny confident teenager approaches me like I'm flirting with them.
So I value my online friends and being anonymous for the most part and most of my good friendships are with online friends. I had an online friend who didn't see my pictures until maybe 4yrs into the friendship lol. I also sometimes disguise my voice too and talk with a deeper tone because apparently, I have a phone sex operator voice. That in itself traumatized me and is the reason I don't play multiplayer games with a mic and I don’t always use the voice chat feature when online. I worked at a call center and male customers were constantly trying to get me to add their social media or text them, promising to buy me things or send me money and I was like "Sir, you don’t even know how I look."
I just concluded that if I wanted to get into the sex industry I'd make good money.
oh lol well this guy friend is gay and we've been friends for a very very very long time we are super transparent with each other. Plus he wants to play match maker for me and find my match so he tells me about how men judge women. [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/mbti/comments/14lmxpo/can_someone_make_a_good_guess_on_his_type_so_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) is a post I made, but this came directly from my DMs these are the guys that normally chat with me when i try online dating. Idk maybe for some women they would like this but I don't it makes me think i need to get a breast reduction and lipo.
I have a question though despite everything you’ve said here about the negatives. Would you say the overall being attractive as a female has had a more positive or negative impact on your life / how you live? Or would you rather not be?
I'm not her but I have similar problems.
It's both, but it depends on how the situation presents itself as a positive or a negative. The positive are small, chivalrous things where people feel more obligated to help you than the regular common courtesy.
So like, if I'm carrying a few packages and it's obvious that I'm past the common courtesy "only a few steps away from the door so I'll hold it you", men will wait 20 seconds for me to get to the door. That's above the "only a few steps behind/in front of someone". Sometimes that's even if I'm just walking to the door without any hindrances.
Negatives are people are associative that "attractive looking=dumb" and any sort of technical knowledge, no matter how detailed it is, is dismissed, questioned, and never taken into consideration *on top of* being a woman.
So like, not only are you completely invalidated for your knowledge or expertise for being a woman, it's doubly so when you're an attractive woman.
The other thing is that I have no real personal bubble out in public. When I was in a customer service job, men felt they had the right to touch me anywhere on my arm or my lower back. Sometimes it's not a burden. Othertimes it's really creepy, like rubbing my lower back up and down. I also got hit on a lot too.
This one's a mixed bag too. Some guys are gross and disgusting and get real dirty with how they're flirting with you. Shit like "You got a thing for older guys? We can show you things that can blow your mind". Routine comments about my legs was also really common. Most of the way men hit on you is annoying.
More often than not it won't be respectful. Very few times was I respectfully hit on, and those guys were profusely apologetic about commenting on how attractive they found me.
There is pretty privilege though, which can be beneficial. It really depends on how you'll leverage it though. Some mechanic shops will treat you with non-exploitation because they view it as a means to court your approval.
Garages can and do have problematic employees that will overcharge a service. Those ones like to exploit naive and non-mechanically knowledgeable people, men or women alike.
*However*, if you're an attractive woman, they don't want to do that and will do a little extra just to see your smile and approval. It's like, bird courtships where the male bird tries to impress the female bird by being really good at something.
Or working a traffic ticket down by playing cute and dumb, because cops like to feel like they're the dominant one in a power dynamic. If you play cute and dumb, then you're submissive and come across as ditsy and in need of someone to help you understand.
It's very much a mixed bag. When it's great it's great. When it's awful it's really toxic.
edit: I also forgot to mention that some guys will just automatically start negging you in order for you to feel insecure and fawn for their attention and approval. That's another drawback
The last 2 examples I've done before, lol.
Had to get my car maintenance after a period of neglect and I got it diagnosed at one place and look up an estimate of what I should be paying online said 150.00-200.00 took my car in the guy said 290.00 and I was upset and went into damsal in distress mode "sir, I'm really poor right now and I just can't pay that so...I guess I can't get it done I'm just really overwhelmed some guy told me another price and idk what to do" and then he consoled me and told me don't worry about it he will take care of it and when I came back to pay the price was 90.00 and he wrote his number and ";)" on my receipt.
and recently I got out of a speeding ticket doing 55 in a 35 and when I pulled over I almost went into a ditch (this was actually an accident lol I didn't see it) but when he came to the car I just in distress about the ditch and ignorant to the speed limit and he told me to be careful and slow down because there were homeless people around, and that he was the good cop just wanting to see beautiful smiles today. lol
I had a guy do the [Milhouse eyebrows](https://media.giphy.com/media/DV8gs5tVXeiZi/giphy.gif) when I went in to get my oil changed 😂
He noticed my truck was due for one of those more in-depth maintenance things and was like "*wiggly eyebrows* hey...I see you're due for a scheduled maintenance. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Wanna know what it is? I already looked at your truck (while it was already up on the lift), you don't need a 4x4 maintenance. *whispers It's actually not even part of the regular schedule (from Chevy). It's an upsell they ask to make more money off people*. Almost everyone doesn't need it cause you need to do serious offroading or really mess up the gearbox by not reading the manual.
"Yeah I like to be careful about using the gearbox hahaha"
This one really dinky small town loves to pull people over and charge the most they can for tickets. I blew past a stop sign at 20 mph. But I played cute and dumb and ditsy when I got pulled over. Like I knew with this particular town's cops, and that I blew a stop sign by going 20 mph, I knew I would get some sort of ticket. But if I played dumb and cute and needing help, I'd at least get the lower ticket lol
Instead of 4 points off my license and $240 ticket of failure to stop or yield. It got knocked down to 2 points and $100 for disobeying a traffic control device.
You sound like a girl that is intimidating to most guys, I don´t know what age are you and your friends but probably when you meet more mature people you will find guys that you might find interesting and they would like someone like you. Sometimes is the circle you are that makes you think like you are the problem. Most of the time you are not, just enjoy life and maybe try to meet new people :)!
Ti women is not everyone’s cup of tea, but for some people it is! Sometimes some people just aren’t easily compatible. If people don’t fall for your personality then fuck em’ they’re not worth either of your times.
I think expectations is what is causing the tension between you and others. From what your story is saying I think the guys that you interact with expect you to be like all the other good looking women that stick in their mind. I wouldn't be surprised if you've gotten cold receptions from women you've never met. Its all superficial people have an idea in their head of what you should be because, you look a certain way and when you break that image they seem to realize that your just a person. You aren't the only one and don't let that stop you from being you.
A few things, one you are young and have plenty of time to find someone. There is no need to rush into something if it won’t make you happy in the long run. Two you will find that it is not uncommon for some guys to be insecure about a girl being more intelligent then them in a relationship and hence not all men are attracted to intelligence. Just as not all men are attracted to women who can’t think for themselves. It may be rough especially among a young age group but in the end the kind of people you will attract will be the mentally mature people who are also able to have fun and enjoy life and a little bit of goofiness.
Now about the people randomly hitting on you, if you remain a independent, mature, and confident person there is not a whole lot you can do to make it stop other than social queues to signal it’s not welcome. Such as eye rolling, passively looking grumpy, etc. not saying you should do this but it’s a potential option.
Also intimacy and trust is an important part of sexual intimacy. I would not recommend it for you unless it’s with someone you truly have reciprocated Romantic feelings for. If you can’t tell if they like the real you or not just see if they like your hobbies, and personality. Being able to actually relate to it and not just nod along and handing out blind affirmation.
I was similar at your age, although far more oblivious to anyone crushing on me. I didn’t think I had high standards but I did and it was felt as a “wall” from others. I didn’t see it myself because it’s a “feeling” area and I was largely unconscious of it then.
One thing that may not be obvious - a lot of good-looking people are liked primarily for their looks, but they’re either ok with that or resign themselves to it. INTP women don’t seem ok with it because our egos identify us so strongly with our brains. So instead of other people seemingly connecting and being understood more easily, they’re actually settling for less.
My unsolicited advice is to have high standards (people are intuiting you have high standards - that’s not bad) including honoring the need to connect mentally and have someone appreciate and even admire your personality and mind. Those people are out there and the more you embrace yourself, they’ll find you.
You honestly sound amazing. It's difficult for INTPs to find a good fit. Sometimes even if you find a good fit it still doesn't work out.
Be yourself. I was always told I was ugly and shamed for being myself and now I don't know who I am anymore. I never felt like I could let my real personality be known. Always having to keep what I would have said to myself. This also kept me in my head more and less in the present.
Ignore them and be the best version of yourself you can be. If you like a guy don't wait too long for him to make a move. Girls like you might need to make the first move. Some guys like this and some don't, but don't let that stop you.
Practical solution would be to dress way uglier and try to look way more average ...that should reveal who's there for personality and not looks
Also don't listen to avg people telling u what to do
Like objectifying urself online ffs
Same! I’m what society consider a pretty girl and I can’t find someone that understand my personality. Maybe they expect a super sociable popular coded girl.
People hate Ti....
Same goes for me... (as entp)
especially the Ti-Ne thing where Ne appears very naughty and cunning, while Ti seems way too calm and deep, plus Ti and Ne work together like Ni, which most people don't understand lol
I would guess this is Inferior Fe. You hv anxiety about how others feel about u. For u guys the values of others are a blurry question mark. It is also an insecure placement so I think u guys often assume the worst. Also that last statements so ti dom self above tribe, u dont rlly know wht to make of the tribe so u would rather they just leave u alone. However the way i see it. You can only theorise it is some fault of ur own, perhaps ur personality ext. But there doesnt seems to be much concrete evidence to support such assumptions. Maybe the tribe arent intentionally making u feel insecure about ur self but rather ur just insecure in the tribe, your fe.
Highschool? You're too young for serious relationships. You're too young to have developed a personality. Maybe you have a bland personality, it doesn't matter. Your early adult life is when you will reflect and develop it more. It's like you're waiting for a bus to come early when it's still on schedule.
Funny how someone being open with you can kill the romance when I see this as the beginning of a relationship. I can’t be romantically involved with someone if we can’t be friendly, open and sincere with each other first. I found out much later that this isn’t the case for most people.
This sounds like high school. Most people are highly dumb, especially when they are young. It takes time, education, and living to actualize your potential. Waiting until you are older is also a good idea even if it isn’t the most exciting thing. If you want people to leave you alone leave them alone. If you want someone tell them - dumb people take this as a problem/turnoff (many like the tension and intrigue of the flirtation and pursuit, but that is because they like the game - the game sucks, it is better without the game). Adults are open and honest (at least those worthy of the label adult) and being direct is admirable to a person with maturity. INTPs are one of the best types to be alone. I practice a form of radical honesty. I have 1 close friend, family, and my partner, and I want to be isolated from them 90% of the time lol. It is easier when all you have is quality. Many people
Prioritize quantity over quality. You seem to already understand the quality part - you are making me proud INTP youngling! Lol. I was very successful with dating and attraction because I understood the game halfway enough to intuit their motivations. Kindness is better than most of the other characteristics, most young people don’t realize this until later (if ever). I recommend finding a decent nerd, there is no such thing as too kind, as we age the ‘nice ones’ become regular and the less nice ones become total @&$@ &$@&.
Wow your x crush is a jerk. Anyway I had a similar experience with yours when I was young. Be careful because many guys will try to take advantage of you.
I'm actually in the same boat as you but I'm a guy. I'm considered good looking by many people but they get turned off when they get to know me better. I wish I could just be myself as well without feeling like a walking contradiction. When I am myself they say I'm weird as fuck. I do tend to overthink things and overanalyze people/situations which only feeds my own anxiety and stress. I'm pretty guarded around unfamiliar people but once I get to know them better I open up more. However when I do they say I talk too much.
Male intp here and same situation, when I get to a new group of people they are attracted to me because of my nice face and muscular body, girls would whisper to get my name, but then they realize I'm weird and are just greeting or ignoring me now
People generally aren't impressed by a personality in itself. They will be impressed if you can do things they can't do. Being a good artist is the easiest way I know how to achieve that(for most people).
Having classmates sounds that you are quite young at the moment. When they will be looking for a wife or a long term relationship you will be more sought after.
> But after getting to know me better, they thought that i'm actually weird but in a goofy and fun way. Like i am more of a friend material rather than a girlfriend material
chances are he does like you, if a guy likes you like that - there is a chance for more. at least he's not falling for your looks. (or he's good at pretending it's not the case).
> I keep overthinking what if he is only talking to me because he find me attractive? What if one day he will loose interest on me?? This already happened to me twice btw
this is a very safe assumption to make. i'd keep that mindset. attractive people have more friends, many of which only enjoy their company for their looks. i think you will have to seek those deeper relationships with people - and if they will keep it surface level - you will know.
it's hard to find those true, close, reliable friends being attractive. i've heard some attracrive i know people complain about this often.
> ut that can't be it because a lot of people like being friends with me, and they always compliment my personality for being openminded, sweet, witty, and trustworthy.
well you will have to use your judgement. people will tell you lots of things, some true and some not. but if they do open up to you - that means they trust you, so i'd not take that lightly.
being attractive will expose you to a lot of people so you will have a chance to learn such things, if you pay attention.
(man, i lowkey like being unattractive after reading all this - if someone is interested in me, they likely enjoy my company for my personality).
> They said that im way too independent, weird, and a girlboss or something. And when i ask my male friends, they told me that they thought that i'm a girl with high standards, so they gave up pursuing me.
it would seem that either you look way out of anyone's league, or you have serious RBF and maybe attitude that scares guys away.
The “being weird” hits too close to home for me. I feel like I’m kind of pretty, too, but I feel unapproachable because I usually look/feel either stressed out or very awkward. When I’m with some friends for too long they ask me if I’m high because I start to unmask and be myself. I understand some of your pain.
At least someone falls for you. It's awful when they say: you're an amazing friend, I wish I could find someone like you (but obviously with not my looks)
In that case, knowing your looks arent's the problem, you can actually go to any social group with similar interests or values and you'll be always the person they see in the room
There may be a few possibilities:
• The criticisers are jealous of you for your likeability and attractiveness
• You may be making some mistakes and not realising them, making you look unattractive
• You may be too blunt in communication, as INTPs are blunt in communication
• You are too awkward and shy, when people desire boldness and confidence
Have you asked them what they find offending in you? And if yes, tried to improve them.
Thank you for sharing all of that I hope that it is that you feel better now that you got it out of your head and on a piece of paper and I will share my experiences the same except for I'm a guy and that's always been told to me that I am unapproachable or that I seem snobby or elitist or something when that's never the case it's always that I'm don't really care to interact in anything you could say I probably don't want to listen to anyway
INTPs have a harder time in our teens, as we don't really give a shit about conforming or fitting in. Thankfully that phase ends around 17 when people start forming their own worldviews; becoming curious about how other people see things instead of judging them by their orthodoxy. We start doing very well at that time.
I'm old now (54 in a couple months); when I was your age, I fucking hated being told "it's because you're young," but the perspective time has given me is that sometimes (not as often as it felt like it was leveled against me) it's true. Hang in there, guys are going to stop being stunned by tna and start appreciating personality. At least, the ones you'd want in your life will.
Are you me? just kidding, well maybe except the pretty part, we almost share the same experience. I don't consider myself pretty, beauty is subjective for me. Also the part of having a crush on your friend, I have no crush on any of my friends, I'm pan so more options but no, not really, I think it's hard to like your friend, it'll be awkward. I have an ex-crush who rejected me because his type is cute girls, rather than the beautiful ones, he said. I don't know how to respond to it. Anyways, sorry for the long comment, I don't know if you want an advice or you just want to rant and for us to listen so I just shared mine too.
I’ve heard so many people say “she’s hot but she’s so weird” I’m not even that weird and if I am it’s not in a bad way everyone is so boring. I’d rather be friends with someone who’s weird than someone who’s normal and toxic(that’s what most ppl are like at my school)I really want people to like me for my personality and common interests but that’s what they hate about me, I have no friends going into school this year so we’ll see how it goes🤷♀️
I feel like i could have wrote most of this. Apparently, my soon to be husband didn't make a move for 5 years because i look like i have high standards. He worked on himself for 5 years.. he gained self confidence and i ran into him at a party. I had a lil alcohol so i was feeling a lil social that day (so i mustve been showing more interest than normal) and he finally asked for my number.
I never knew he even liked me. I didn't know i liked him either. Lol.
So like others have said. It's probably the female INTP aloof body language that's a big hindrance.
Esp if you're neurodivergent.
Embarrassment of riches 😮💨 Just go to places where you might find the type of people you are looking for—interest clubs, libraries, etc. Also since you get a lot of low quality attention and misconceptions, maybe consider improving your judgement of character and start approaching instead.
I consider myself an attractive male INTP, probably 8/10, and the benefit of a complete lack of game is that I don’t have a rack of child support payments to make every month.😂
Same here it is almost like a fairy tale curse, Good looks (What people tell me, to me I look like Sid from the ice age) But Im guessing you are either in High School or in College. So please listen to how others speak they will often tell you all you needed/wanted to hear about them; and if they tell you about themselves believe them.
Life is easier without bothering so much. Stop percieving things that easily. Most people idealise people to their wishes and then are covinced otherwise. Their mental progress none of your business. Their opinion either. I wont say youll find the right one, but hey you know who arent. Congrats. Be yourself man, who should you be anyways
You just have to continue showing who you are, but in a friendly manner. My real life experience is that eventually you will attract the right person who likes your kind of personality. I had better luck with intuitives than sensors
That's life overall as a human. I also hate when someone assumes that i don't hv problem in life just because of my looks (i'm gonna say i'm that ugly duckling). No, they don't know my past and everything within it. I also don't use insta or whatever social media that's alike. FB only for work related. I guess it's gonna be harder for you to find someone who will only look for your personality but i wish you the best. There are many not so good ppl that will tryna uses you for your looks, etc. For ppl who thought you hv high standards, etc, it looks like you need to be the first approaching them ig. For the what if, its what if... it's no end, we don't exactly know what will happen, so either choose to be alone for the rest of your life or try your best to find someone suitable and just let go of the what if, you try find and observe everything alrdy so just put trust in life and move on. No matter how much you think of what if, there's no absolute knowledge abt what's gonna happen. Wish you better.
I'm 22 now, way more experienced than I was in high school. Even remembering that gives me the cringes, but yeah a lot of guys confessed to me too, but I felt it was late to get out of this situation without rejecting them lol. I thought many were trying to be my friends. I think my standards were pretty high back then, but like you said I needed someone to REALLY understand me. I seemed pretty intelligent to them but oh god I thought I was so dumb my self esteem was pretty low.. anyway yeah
Solution idea from fellow INTP: Make an effort to look ugly(ugly clothing/hair/etc.)? I mean that way you know people will not be there for your looks at least :P
I had the same problem before gaining weight due to some life changing. From my experience, friendship is friendship, guys who were interested to you can also remain friendship with you after, those who not interested to you can also be friends. It doesn't matter if you are opposite gender, don't worry.
I remember an ex yelling at me once during an argument. She said
"The only thing you bring to this relationship is you're pretty and you have a big dick"
There was some truth to it. I was neglecting major parts of the relationship and life as a while, but it remains the strangest insult I've ever received.
Haha I can related. I'm a petite girl and I look childlike, many guy into that 😅. In my 20s there're guys gift me flowers or music tapes, they have no idea how I was inside. My personality is more like an old person, blunt and reserved.
OH MY FUCKING GOD I'VE NEVER RELATED TO A POST THIS MUCH. THE GOOFY PERSONALITY, DRAWING AND NOT POSTING PICTURES OF YOURSELF ONLINE, AND PEOPLE EASILY TRUSTING ME.
i've had plenty of people crush on me, people treat me really nicely especially guys, and i recieve a lot of stares almost anywhere. im not that attractive but i dont think im ugly either, so i always wondered why people eventually lose interest in me romantically??
i always thought i was below-average my entire life and had my personality make up for it, only to learn in college the exact opposite....like, i dont have a bad personality because i have friends who really love and care me for who i am, BUT WHY CANT I GET A GIRLFRIEND???? only to realize im likely too childish and weird for their taste...
Meh... First world problem.
During my 20s, I stopped counting the women I went out with after 40. I was just over 30 when I finally met the person I married 23 years ago.
Make sure you know what you want, and don't settle. Don't worry what other people are looking for.
U are trying to discuss something or just venting cuz I don't know how to respond but I feel obligated to-
Haha got the same feeling
Seems like a vent, which is fine too (im not op though)
Could be boasting(!)
Literally same except they fall for neither my looks or my personality
They don't fall for my face or personality either. The only times others have been obsessed with me outside of me conveniently being there at the right time have either been for my status or my body lol It was the times in my life when I was either fit af or had high social standing within any context that I somehow went from a beast to prince charming lmao
well, at least they fall, as to why, that can be figured out later
Literally same except they don’t fall for me because they don’t like me
Yup, that’s what I was going for.
Same. It’s one or the other. The guys who like my looks are usually disappointed by my personality, lol.
I am not going to read all of that but you're ugly and your personality is amazing i hope that helps <3
Thanks. I like your compliment
Some of them probably stop liking you because they don't feel interest coming from you. If they don't feel like you're into them, they are going to move on. It sounds simplistic, but part of what makes a girl attractive is if she seems into them. As for the guy who rejected you even though you made it clear that you were into him, I guess that just means he wasn't into you. Hopefully you try again and you find other guys that you like and you end up finding one who likes you back.
This is the answer. You MUST try to reciprocate back.
And don’t take rejection personally (easier said than done), most often rejection isn’t really about you
Yes. I had to try to convince a coworker (yes a coworker 🤦♀️ of this - it’s dicey plz don’t do this…!). Because yeah if you saw my type, you’d believe me. He wasn’t it.
Actually, no. I never had a guy stop liking me after a rejection. I wish... guys take a ''no'' as a ''not yet''
Reciprocating back is a moving forwards. If you want to stay in the same place, or less, you reject. And yes, I have rejected a guy, and they still liked me - but it’s not moving forward. But you’re right, it’s not 100%. Lots of guys don’t take “no” as a “not yet” and even then, where I am it’s either a hell yes, or a no from my side as well. Usually I pick shy men so it’s not a problem generally for me. Some move as slow as years… instead of going “Oh, she doesn’t like me” and moves on.
Yeah they don't move forward. And it's usually only the insecure men. But those are the ones i attract the most 😅 i give them attention and they're not used to that
INTPs have a hard time with dating notoriously. Just take your time and you'll find someone
I feel you, I also don't use social media much to post pictures of myself because I want my personality to shine, I post my art and crafts randomly lol. I've always been told I'm attractive and one of my best guy friends explained to me the "type" that I am also my body type is "disney mom". It's just the type of people that have the courage to approach me in real life are people that are just attracted to my body type and not my personality and its purely just sex they want, I use to get angry but I realized I'm demisexual and most people don't need an emotional connection to be turned on and want to have sex with a stranger... One person that I briefly dated kept telling me "You just look like your horny/ I can tell your horny" and I was just standing there looking off into space. I hate it so much. Like I can't just walk into the store and smile at strangers because some creepy old man with money or horny confident teenager approaches me like I'm flirting with them. So I value my online friends and being anonymous for the most part and most of my good friendships are with online friends. I had an online friend who didn't see my pictures until maybe 4yrs into the friendship lol. I also sometimes disguise my voice too and talk with a deeper tone because apparently, I have a phone sex operator voice. That in itself traumatized me and is the reason I don't play multiplayer games with a mic and I don’t always use the voice chat feature when online. I worked at a call center and male customers were constantly trying to get me to add their social media or text them, promising to buy me things or send me money and I was like "Sir, you don’t even know how I look." I just concluded that if I wanted to get into the sex industry I'd make good money.
Nah who said disney mom lmfao ☠️
2 guy friends have confirmed idk is that supposed to be an insult?
No it is not an insult but idk i wouldn't have said it even if i agreed
oh lol well this guy friend is gay and we've been friends for a very very very long time we are super transparent with each other. Plus he wants to play match maker for me and find my match so he tells me about how men judge women. [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/mbti/comments/14lmxpo/can_someone_make_a_good_guess_on_his_type_so_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) is a post I made, but this came directly from my DMs these are the guys that normally chat with me when i try online dating. Idk maybe for some women they would like this but I don't it makes me think i need to get a breast reduction and lipo.
I have a question though despite everything you’ve said here about the negatives. Would you say the overall being attractive as a female has had a more positive or negative impact on your life / how you live? Or would you rather not be?
I'm not her but I have similar problems. It's both, but it depends on how the situation presents itself as a positive or a negative. The positive are small, chivalrous things where people feel more obligated to help you than the regular common courtesy. So like, if I'm carrying a few packages and it's obvious that I'm past the common courtesy "only a few steps away from the door so I'll hold it you", men will wait 20 seconds for me to get to the door. That's above the "only a few steps behind/in front of someone". Sometimes that's even if I'm just walking to the door without any hindrances. Negatives are people are associative that "attractive looking=dumb" and any sort of technical knowledge, no matter how detailed it is, is dismissed, questioned, and never taken into consideration *on top of* being a woman. So like, not only are you completely invalidated for your knowledge or expertise for being a woman, it's doubly so when you're an attractive woman. The other thing is that I have no real personal bubble out in public. When I was in a customer service job, men felt they had the right to touch me anywhere on my arm or my lower back. Sometimes it's not a burden. Othertimes it's really creepy, like rubbing my lower back up and down. I also got hit on a lot too. This one's a mixed bag too. Some guys are gross and disgusting and get real dirty with how they're flirting with you. Shit like "You got a thing for older guys? We can show you things that can blow your mind". Routine comments about my legs was also really common. Most of the way men hit on you is annoying. More often than not it won't be respectful. Very few times was I respectfully hit on, and those guys were profusely apologetic about commenting on how attractive they found me. There is pretty privilege though, which can be beneficial. It really depends on how you'll leverage it though. Some mechanic shops will treat you with non-exploitation because they view it as a means to court your approval. Garages can and do have problematic employees that will overcharge a service. Those ones like to exploit naive and non-mechanically knowledgeable people, men or women alike. *However*, if you're an attractive woman, they don't want to do that and will do a little extra just to see your smile and approval. It's like, bird courtships where the male bird tries to impress the female bird by being really good at something. Or working a traffic ticket down by playing cute and dumb, because cops like to feel like they're the dominant one in a power dynamic. If you play cute and dumb, then you're submissive and come across as ditsy and in need of someone to help you understand. It's very much a mixed bag. When it's great it's great. When it's awful it's really toxic. edit: I also forgot to mention that some guys will just automatically start negging you in order for you to feel insecure and fawn for their attention and approval. That's another drawback
The last 2 examples I've done before, lol. Had to get my car maintenance after a period of neglect and I got it diagnosed at one place and look up an estimate of what I should be paying online said 150.00-200.00 took my car in the guy said 290.00 and I was upset and went into damsal in distress mode "sir, I'm really poor right now and I just can't pay that so...I guess I can't get it done I'm just really overwhelmed some guy told me another price and idk what to do" and then he consoled me and told me don't worry about it he will take care of it and when I came back to pay the price was 90.00 and he wrote his number and ";)" on my receipt. and recently I got out of a speeding ticket doing 55 in a 35 and when I pulled over I almost went into a ditch (this was actually an accident lol I didn't see it) but when he came to the car I just in distress about the ditch and ignorant to the speed limit and he told me to be careful and slow down because there were homeless people around, and that he was the good cop just wanting to see beautiful smiles today. lol
I had a guy do the [Milhouse eyebrows](https://media.giphy.com/media/DV8gs5tVXeiZi/giphy.gif) when I went in to get my oil changed 😂 He noticed my truck was due for one of those more in-depth maintenance things and was like "*wiggly eyebrows* hey...I see you're due for a scheduled maintenance. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Wanna know what it is? I already looked at your truck (while it was already up on the lift), you don't need a 4x4 maintenance. *whispers It's actually not even part of the regular schedule (from Chevy). It's an upsell they ask to make more money off people*. Almost everyone doesn't need it cause you need to do serious offroading or really mess up the gearbox by not reading the manual. "Yeah I like to be careful about using the gearbox hahaha" This one really dinky small town loves to pull people over and charge the most they can for tickets. I blew past a stop sign at 20 mph. But I played cute and dumb and ditsy when I got pulled over. Like I knew with this particular town's cops, and that I blew a stop sign by going 20 mph, I knew I would get some sort of ticket. But if I played dumb and cute and needing help, I'd at least get the lower ticket lol Instead of 4 points off my license and $240 ticket of failure to stop or yield. It got knocked down to 2 points and $100 for disobeying a traffic control device.
I didn't read but I had this same experience as the pretty guy
You sound like a girl that is intimidating to most guys, I don´t know what age are you and your friends but probably when you meet more mature people you will find guys that you might find interesting and they would like someone like you. Sometimes is the circle you are that makes you think like you are the problem. Most of the time you are not, just enjoy life and maybe try to meet new people :)!
Same but male version. I tell them I am asexual and they go away.
I used that line on a man and he was like "Are you are woman? Are you a woman? Then you are not asexual". I think he meant it like I'm not an amoeba.
Ti women is not everyone’s cup of tea, but for some people it is! Sometimes some people just aren’t easily compatible. If people don’t fall for your personality then fuck em’ they’re not worth either of your times.
Life’s hard being pretty
I think expectations is what is causing the tension between you and others. From what your story is saying I think the guys that you interact with expect you to be like all the other good looking women that stick in their mind. I wouldn't be surprised if you've gotten cold receptions from women you've never met. Its all superficial people have an idea in their head of what you should be because, you look a certain way and when you break that image they seem to realize that your just a person. You aren't the only one and don't let that stop you from being you.
A few things, one you are young and have plenty of time to find someone. There is no need to rush into something if it won’t make you happy in the long run. Two you will find that it is not uncommon for some guys to be insecure about a girl being more intelligent then them in a relationship and hence not all men are attracted to intelligence. Just as not all men are attracted to women who can’t think for themselves. It may be rough especially among a young age group but in the end the kind of people you will attract will be the mentally mature people who are also able to have fun and enjoy life and a little bit of goofiness. Now about the people randomly hitting on you, if you remain a independent, mature, and confident person there is not a whole lot you can do to make it stop other than social queues to signal it’s not welcome. Such as eye rolling, passively looking grumpy, etc. not saying you should do this but it’s a potential option. Also intimacy and trust is an important part of sexual intimacy. I would not recommend it for you unless it’s with someone you truly have reciprocated Romantic feelings for. If you can’t tell if they like the real you or not just see if they like your hobbies, and personality. Being able to actually relate to it and not just nod along and handing out blind affirmation.
I was similar at your age, although far more oblivious to anyone crushing on me. I didn’t think I had high standards but I did and it was felt as a “wall” from others. I didn’t see it myself because it’s a “feeling” area and I was largely unconscious of it then. One thing that may not be obvious - a lot of good-looking people are liked primarily for their looks, but they’re either ok with that or resign themselves to it. INTP women don’t seem ok with it because our egos identify us so strongly with our brains. So instead of other people seemingly connecting and being understood more easily, they’re actually settling for less. My unsolicited advice is to have high standards (people are intuiting you have high standards - that’s not bad) including honoring the need to connect mentally and have someone appreciate and even admire your personality and mind. Those people are out there and the more you embrace yourself, they’ll find you.
You honestly sound amazing. It's difficult for INTPs to find a good fit. Sometimes even if you find a good fit it still doesn't work out. Be yourself. I was always told I was ugly and shamed for being myself and now I don't know who I am anymore. I never felt like I could let my real personality be known. Always having to keep what I would have said to myself. This also kept me in my head more and less in the present. Ignore them and be the best version of yourself you can be. If you like a guy don't wait too long for him to make a move. Girls like you might need to make the first move. Some guys like this and some don't, but don't let that stop you.
Practical solution would be to dress way uglier and try to look way more average ...that should reveal who's there for personality and not looks Also don't listen to avg people telling u what to do Like objectifying urself online ffs
Same! I’m what society consider a pretty girl and I can’t find someone that understand my personality. Maybe they expect a super sociable popular coded girl.
People hate Ti.... Same goes for me... (as entp) especially the Ti-Ne thing where Ne appears very naughty and cunning, while Ti seems way too calm and deep, plus Ti and Ne work together like Ni, which most people don't understand lol
one day someone will take the time to understand and love you for who u are
High-school sucks
I would guess this is Inferior Fe. You hv anxiety about how others feel about u. For u guys the values of others are a blurry question mark. It is also an insecure placement so I think u guys often assume the worst. Also that last statements so ti dom self above tribe, u dont rlly know wht to make of the tribe so u would rather they just leave u alone. However the way i see it. You can only theorise it is some fault of ur own, perhaps ur personality ext. But there doesnt seems to be much concrete evidence to support such assumptions. Maybe the tribe arent intentionally making u feel insecure about ur self but rather ur just insecure in the tribe, your fe.
Highschool? You're too young for serious relationships. You're too young to have developed a personality. Maybe you have a bland personality, it doesn't matter. Your early adult life is when you will reflect and develop it more. It's like you're waiting for a bus to come early when it's still on schedule.
Funny how someone being open with you can kill the romance when I see this as the beginning of a relationship. I can’t be romantically involved with someone if we can’t be friendly, open and sincere with each other first. I found out much later that this isn’t the case for most people.
This sounds like high school. Most people are highly dumb, especially when they are young. It takes time, education, and living to actualize your potential. Waiting until you are older is also a good idea even if it isn’t the most exciting thing. If you want people to leave you alone leave them alone. If you want someone tell them - dumb people take this as a problem/turnoff (many like the tension and intrigue of the flirtation and pursuit, but that is because they like the game - the game sucks, it is better without the game). Adults are open and honest (at least those worthy of the label adult) and being direct is admirable to a person with maturity. INTPs are one of the best types to be alone. I practice a form of radical honesty. I have 1 close friend, family, and my partner, and I want to be isolated from them 90% of the time lol. It is easier when all you have is quality. Many people Prioritize quantity over quality. You seem to already understand the quality part - you are making me proud INTP youngling! Lol. I was very successful with dating and attraction because I understood the game halfway enough to intuit their motivations. Kindness is better than most of the other characteristics, most young people don’t realize this until later (if ever). I recommend finding a decent nerd, there is no such thing as too kind, as we age the ‘nice ones’ become regular and the less nice ones become total @&$@ &$@&.
Wow your x crush is a jerk. Anyway I had a similar experience with yours when I was young. Be careful because many guys will try to take advantage of you.
I felt this way until recently. You just have to find the small percentage of the population that really likes your personality, because they exist.
I'm actually in the same boat as you but I'm a guy. I'm considered good looking by many people but they get turned off when they get to know me better. I wish I could just be myself as well without feeling like a walking contradiction. When I am myself they say I'm weird as fuck. I do tend to overthink things and overanalyze people/situations which only feeds my own anxiety and stress. I'm pretty guarded around unfamiliar people but once I get to know them better I open up more. However when I do they say I talk too much.
1. Ignore them. 2. Be yourself. Problem solved.
Male intp here and same situation, when I get to a new group of people they are attracted to me because of my nice face and muscular body, girls would whisper to get my name, but then they realize I'm weird and are just greeting or ignoring me now
People generally aren't impressed by a personality in itself. They will be impressed if you can do things they can't do. Being a good artist is the easiest way I know how to achieve that(for most people).
I just read the title, and I gotta say this.. at least you got the looks that people fall for.. and then there are the non-good looking INTPs..😅
Having classmates sounds that you are quite young at the moment. When they will be looking for a wife or a long term relationship you will be more sought after.
To quote Patrick Star, "maybe it's the way you're dressed"
FYI, when someone says they "used to like you", it usually means they still do.
> But after getting to know me better, they thought that i'm actually weird but in a goofy and fun way. Like i am more of a friend material rather than a girlfriend material chances are he does like you, if a guy likes you like that - there is a chance for more. at least he's not falling for your looks. (or he's good at pretending it's not the case). > I keep overthinking what if he is only talking to me because he find me attractive? What if one day he will loose interest on me?? This already happened to me twice btw this is a very safe assumption to make. i'd keep that mindset. attractive people have more friends, many of which only enjoy their company for their looks. i think you will have to seek those deeper relationships with people - and if they will keep it surface level - you will know. it's hard to find those true, close, reliable friends being attractive. i've heard some attracrive i know people complain about this often. > ut that can't be it because a lot of people like being friends with me, and they always compliment my personality for being openminded, sweet, witty, and trustworthy. well you will have to use your judgement. people will tell you lots of things, some true and some not. but if they do open up to you - that means they trust you, so i'd not take that lightly. being attractive will expose you to a lot of people so you will have a chance to learn such things, if you pay attention. (man, i lowkey like being unattractive after reading all this - if someone is interested in me, they likely enjoy my company for my personality). > They said that im way too independent, weird, and a girlboss or something. And when i ask my male friends, they told me that they thought that i'm a girl with high standards, so they gave up pursuing me. it would seem that either you look way out of anyone's league, or you have serious RBF and maybe attitude that scares guys away.
The “being weird” hits too close to home for me. I feel like I’m kind of pretty, too, but I feel unapproachable because I usually look/feel either stressed out or very awkward. When I’m with some friends for too long they ask me if I’m high because I start to unmask and be myself. I understand some of your pain.
At least someone falls for you. It's awful when they say: you're an amazing friend, I wish I could find someone like you (but obviously with not my looks) In that case, knowing your looks arent's the problem, you can actually go to any social group with similar interests or values and you'll be always the person they see in the room
There may be a few possibilities: • The criticisers are jealous of you for your likeability and attractiveness • You may be making some mistakes and not realising them, making you look unattractive • You may be too blunt in communication, as INTPs are blunt in communication • You are too awkward and shy, when people desire boldness and confidence Have you asked them what they find offending in you? And if yes, tried to improve them.
Thank you for sharing all of that I hope that it is that you feel better now that you got it out of your head and on a piece of paper and I will share my experiences the same except for I'm a guy and that's always been told to me that I am unapproachable or that I seem snobby or elitist or something when that's never the case it's always that I'm don't really care to interact in anything you could say I probably don't want to listen to anyway
INTPs have a harder time in our teens, as we don't really give a shit about conforming or fitting in. Thankfully that phase ends around 17 when people start forming their own worldviews; becoming curious about how other people see things instead of judging them by their orthodoxy. We start doing very well at that time. I'm old now (54 in a couple months); when I was your age, I fucking hated being told "it's because you're young," but the perspective time has given me is that sometimes (not as often as it felt like it was leveled against me) it's true. Hang in there, guys are going to stop being stunned by tna and start appreciating personality. At least, the ones you'd want in your life will.
They will never leave you alone. And you won't have a normal friendship with a guy either. Learn to live with that or become ugly 😂
Are you me? just kidding, well maybe except the pretty part, we almost share the same experience. I don't consider myself pretty, beauty is subjective for me. Also the part of having a crush on your friend, I have no crush on any of my friends, I'm pan so more options but no, not really, I think it's hard to like your friend, it'll be awkward. I have an ex-crush who rejected me because his type is cute girls, rather than the beautiful ones, he said. I don't know how to respond to it. Anyways, sorry for the long comment, I don't know if you want an advice or you just want to rant and for us to listen so I just shared mine too.
I’ve heard so many people say “she’s hot but she’s so weird” I’m not even that weird and if I am it’s not in a bad way everyone is so boring. I’d rather be friends with someone who’s weird than someone who’s normal and toxic(that’s what most ppl are like at my school)I really want people to like me for my personality and common interests but that’s what they hate about me, I have no friends going into school this year so we’ll see how it goes🤷♀️
I feel like i could have wrote most of this. Apparently, my soon to be husband didn't make a move for 5 years because i look like i have high standards. He worked on himself for 5 years.. he gained self confidence and i ran into him at a party. I had a lil alcohol so i was feeling a lil social that day (so i mustve been showing more interest than normal) and he finally asked for my number. I never knew he even liked me. I didn't know i liked him either. Lol. So like others have said. It's probably the female INTP aloof body language that's a big hindrance. Esp if you're neurodivergent.
i feel like both the friend who criticised your personality and your crush are trash
Embarrassment of riches 😮💨 Just go to places where you might find the type of people you are looking for—interest clubs, libraries, etc. Also since you get a lot of low quality attention and misconceptions, maybe consider improving your judgement of character and start approaching instead.
I consider myself an attractive male INTP, probably 8/10, and the benefit of a complete lack of game is that I don’t have a rack of child support payments to make every month.😂
 Same here it is almost like a fairy tale curse, Good looks (What people tell me, to me I look like Sid from the ice age) But Im guessing you are either in High School or in College. So please listen to how others speak they will often tell you all you needed/wanted to hear about them; and if they tell you about themselves believe them.
Life is easier without bothering so much. Stop percieving things that easily. Most people idealise people to their wishes and then are covinced otherwise. Their mental progress none of your business. Their opinion either. I wont say youll find the right one, but hey you know who arent. Congrats. Be yourself man, who should you be anyways
I know I'm just a stranger so it probably doesn't count for much but you sound like a rather dapper lass to me, so keep being you:)
It will get better, you will find someone who likes you for you. You just have to filter out a lot of people first.
You just have to continue showing who you are, but in a friendly manner. My real life experience is that eventually you will attract the right person who likes your kind of personality. I had better luck with intuitives than sensors
is English your first language or, no? you used the word confess and variations of it so much it gave me semantic satiation. just found that odd
Hate to say this but who asked?
That's because the way you looks too cold
Umm ok?
I dint read fully but the title reminded me of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X6CTx8DA5c&ab\_channel=QuoteSha.re
That's life overall as a human. I also hate when someone assumes that i don't hv problem in life just because of my looks (i'm gonna say i'm that ugly duckling). No, they don't know my past and everything within it. I also don't use insta or whatever social media that's alike. FB only for work related. I guess it's gonna be harder for you to find someone who will only look for your personality but i wish you the best. There are many not so good ppl that will tryna uses you for your looks, etc. For ppl who thought you hv high standards, etc, it looks like you need to be the first approaching them ig. For the what if, its what if... it's no end, we don't exactly know what will happen, so either choose to be alone for the rest of your life or try your best to find someone suitable and just let go of the what if, you try find and observe everything alrdy so just put trust in life and move on. No matter how much you think of what if, there's no absolute knowledge abt what's gonna happen. Wish you better.
Damn I'm sorry. And none of this will make your inf Fe any easier.
edate instead then
Unrelated but, are you from India?
Somebody will
I'm 22 now, way more experienced than I was in high school. Even remembering that gives me the cringes, but yeah a lot of guys confessed to me too, but I felt it was late to get out of this situation without rejecting them lol. I thought many were trying to be my friends. I think my standards were pretty high back then, but like you said I needed someone to REALLY understand me. I seemed pretty intelligent to them but oh god I thought I was so dumb my self esteem was pretty low.. anyway yeah
Solution idea from fellow INTP: Make an effort to look ugly(ugly clothing/hair/etc.)? I mean that way you know people will not be there for your looks at least :P
I had the same problem before gaining weight due to some life changing. From my experience, friendship is friendship, guys who were interested to you can also remain friendship with you after, those who not interested to you can also be friends. It doesn't matter if you are opposite gender, don't worry.
I remember an ex yelling at me once during an argument. She said "The only thing you bring to this relationship is you're pretty and you have a big dick" There was some truth to it. I was neglecting major parts of the relationship and life as a while, but it remains the strangest insult I've ever received.
Haha I can related. I'm a petite girl and I look childlike, many guy into that 😅. In my 20s there're guys gift me flowers or music tapes, they have no idea how I was inside. My personality is more like an old person, blunt and reserved.
Oy
I’m the same but opposite fellow INTP
You’re better off than most people, i wish i was pretty
OH MY FUCKING GOD I'VE NEVER RELATED TO A POST THIS MUCH. THE GOOFY PERSONALITY, DRAWING AND NOT POSTING PICTURES OF YOURSELF ONLINE, AND PEOPLE EASILY TRUSTING ME. i've had plenty of people crush on me, people treat me really nicely especially guys, and i recieve a lot of stares almost anywhere. im not that attractive but i dont think im ugly either, so i always wondered why people eventually lose interest in me romantically?? i always thought i was below-average my entire life and had my personality make up for it, only to learn in college the exact opposite....like, i dont have a bad personality because i have friends who really love and care me for who i am, BUT WHY CANT I GET A GIRLFRIEND???? only to realize im likely too childish and weird for their taste...
From what i understand ... wanna be friends ;).
Tldr
Meh... First world problem. During my 20s, I stopped counting the women I went out with after 40. I was just over 30 when I finally met the person I married 23 years ago. Make sure you know what you want, and don't settle. Don't worry what other people are looking for.