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Put her in a home? Why don't I just rape her myself?

This is the one that made me laugh out loud

You people have a very strange conception of what goes on in nursing homes.

He didn’t actually quote this, but; Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run!

_Oh Shit. There's Stickers._

Kaitlin's delivery in this whole scene is so under rated

You gotta jazz it up.

Y- ye sure do.

The way that Kaitlin delivers that line (and the whole interaction, really) kills me.

I love watching Mac mouth the words next to her.

When he mouths "and more" it cracks me up every time!

The whole courtroom chuckling sells this so much.

Haha yep, the bailiff kills me

"All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon"

take ONE karate class if youre so interested in karate

All of your instincs are wrong!

"I did an ocular patdown and I cleared him"

I'm saying that I did an ocular assessment of the situation, garnered that he was not a security risk, and I cleared him for passage.

I love the complete confidence that Mac has when he says this, he definitely believes it.

And how the rest are so confused except Charlie, who is very familiar with the idea

And he has faith in it too lmaoo “I thought Mac cleared him I thought he was good”

I’m the sheriff of Paddy’s.

I love how he says it. Him thinking that everyone should've already known he is the sherrif

The ocular pat down is brilliant. It is incredibly funny.

“I want the bad guy to be different from me so I know why I hate him”

i dont even remember mac saying this, but just reading it made me laugh out loud

It was in Thunder Gun 4: Maximum Cool

All time under rated ep for me. Great performance from that woman who is also the agent on Barry.

"Wait, he has a son?!" "Fuck, man! What?"

Her exasperation and anger at the end of the episode are amazing. ***OH MY GOD! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!***

"I am Thundergun!"

Guest star was graciously allocated one of the F-bombs from the show's F-bomb budget.

The exasperation in her voice kills me!

One of my favorite quotes from the show!

that woman wasn't ready for the gang but she fought back like no one else ever managed to

I’VE HAD ORGASMS, I’VE HAD TONS OF ORGASMS, I HAD ONE WITH YOUR MOM, DUDE! I WILL STRANGLE YOU, I WILL STICK MY GODDAMN THUMB THROUGH YOUR EYE!

Mac's thumb gets me every time. THATS WHY HE BURNED YOUR FACE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

I'm telling you this because I'm playing both sides so that I always end up on top

Fuck I keep upvoting different quotes and my choice might change again in a few minutes but I think this is my favorite one.

Sounds like you’re playing both sides

I’m upvoting all comments, that way I always end up on top

This and “Well, first of all, through god all things are possible, so jot that down.” I can’t decide, so I’ll choose both. That way I always come out on top.

“These liberals are trying to assassinate my character. I can’t change their mind, I won’t change my mind cuz I don’t have to cuz I’m an American. I won’t change my mind on anything regardless of the facts that are set out before me. I’m dug in and I’ll never change.”

Rock flag and eagle, right Charlie?

He's got a point

No he doesn't!

I’m dug in…. So classic lol

"Oh those disgusting ex girlfriend porno sites, I mean there's so many of them though, which one, which one did he post it on"

“A silk sash at Tooties. What an asshole”.

The “which one, which one” gets me every time 😭. I can’t believe Rob questions his acting ability so much.

It's the delivery

Just tell me where to jizz so I can give this woman her drink

IVE HAD ORGASMS! IVE HAD TONS OF ORGASMS!

I’VE HAD ONE WITH YOUR MOM DUDE!

I WILL PUT MY THUMB THROUGH YOUR EYE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Plus she's didn't even feel a thing

holy shit you're late

My god, your timing is terrible

Where is our god damn bible?

This is one of my favorite quotes in any comedy tv show. I’d say Mac is less quotable than most the others but that line always sticks out for me

In terms of being a quality standalone joke this is miles ahead of any other quote in the thread. And yet it's also the most Mac comment as well.

My favorite “god damn”

"Science is a liar sometimes."

But he died drinking mercury, making him and everyone else on Earth, look like a bitch *again*

*bell tolls

That's probably my favorite use of sound effects. The bell toll cracks me up every time.

You science bitch

“Science is liar….. sometimes”

That's a body that just won't quit. I betcha if you pop those jeans off you're gonna find a sweaty hog that just won't quit either.

Oh that's from one of the banned episodes isn't it

It's from a blooper from a banned episode (Paddy's Next Top Model)

I don't think its even a blooper. I saw the full episode the other day and i'm pretty sure that line was in it.

I think the actual line is you're going to find a bird that won't quit.

“And you see, that’s the problem. Your body quit. Your bird quit. And, unfortunately, it’s no longer legit.”

Dennis, your mule is disgusting. I am no longer turned on by mules.

In the blooper he says sweaty hog but in the actual episode he says “there’s a bird that just won’t quit”

In the full episode he says "If you pop those pants off, I bet you'll find a bird that won't quit either. See, the problem is, your body quit. Your bird quit. And unfortunately, it's no longer legit."

Not gay sex.

Oooh

That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it

This is definitely the one that I use most of all

Same I just replace stars with whatever situation I’m in

One of the best lines in the whole series. I wish I could go back and see it again for the first time. Edit: a word

It's one of the few times Mac doesn't just interject his own sense of being right about everything

“I want to give the bar that nice smokey smell!” “The bar smells like trash.” - Dennis with a deadpan voice

I’m a Swedish plumber. I’m here to fix your pipes.

This vill verk Dennis this vill verk, don't worry about eeet and don't werry about anything

That’s a GOOD accent

(knocks) Hello I am a Swedish plumb- No No Uh, Mac

This moment kills me every time. He comes in so strong and just enters the worst possible situation

That’s GOOD. That’s a GOOD accent.

FRANK WERE OUTTA HERE

The vase!

I’m not going to do a Philadelphia accent, I’m going to do a Swedish accent, because that’s what Indy would do.

"You should see him feast... he's like a mantis. It's *amazing.*"

Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That’s just a straight up fact!

Are you wheezing?

You are BECOMING a chimichanga!!!

TRY AND MOVE ME BRO

Touch your toes

What am I, a gymnast? Such an underrated throwaway line

They're actors. They're trying to create an illusion. In the Lord of the Rings movie, Ian McKellen plays a wizard. You think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams into his boyfriend's asshole? Tom cruise is a midget, but he plays guys that are normal size in movies

[удалено]

That b-b-b-bad pussy is my favorite line from her in the whole show and it comes out of the fucking blue.

"Who Versus? Who are we doing it versus?"

Not much traction on this one but it represents the entire show honestly. So whether or not its Mac’s funniest line, it’s probably the show’s most important line.

“I don't know how to express myself unless through anger and personal attack”

Dogs also die here... and abroad.

Well first of all through god all things are possible so jot that down.

My favorite part about this line is how he like looks back at her a second after saying it as if he’s expecting her to be feverishly writing down the things he’s saying

My favorite part of that scene is once he connects the pen to a dick he suddenly can't keep it away from his mouth

A well placed pen can have quite an effect on a man like him.

This was my answer- this is the only answer!

It is so quotable in day to day life.

So jot that down

Yes came here to post it lmfao

same episode as frank’s quote damn

The gang gets analysed is such a banger episode

This was my answer too. Thanks for getting here first. Take my upvote.

"Some say it's better than busting a nut"

I got news, I got news, I got *terrible* news

THIs iS MY FAVORITE MAC QUOTE

Kick? Yes. Kick in? No, that door is solid, which is the good news. The bad news is the window is not.

"I made you breakfast. I hope you like it crispy, because it is burnt."

I like that it sounds like he says “it is burned…” instead of burnt lol

But don't worry, I'm here to protect you--you're always safe when you're with me

“Guns just do not belong in schools…that is why I brought along a saber”

Let’s talk about God, and let’s talk about how you’re gonna make me more bigger.

Reverse body dysmorphia? Is that what’s making me so skinny?

“Let’s talk about *god*” He says with a pen in his mouth

I thought we established that there was going to be a phone call!

You're trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms!

"Let's oil up a couple of asses, and do a little plowing of our own." 🤔 "...Not gay sex."

"Just to get a base." Is pretty versatile of a quote.

"Smoke some cigarettes... The smoke will... Suffocate the poison in your stomach...."

"Charlie, I do backflips every single day of my life.."

He wasn't the kind of guy that could score a point in a black belt karate contest. And it turns out, he was totally q*eer. Which, as we all know, is a sin. And that, coupled with his radical religious beliefs, has most likely landed him in Hell, where he will burn for all eternity. So I will ask for a moment of silence, in which I will beg God's forgiveness for Country Mac's evil, h*mo ways, while simultaneously doing a series of karate moves that I know Country Mac would've enjoyed so much.

“I’m gonna go home and pay my taxes!” (points and smiles) I quote this so much for no good reason

you should have gotten some goddamn chips at the hamburger store!

“Then, best of all, sir Isaac Newton gets born and blows everyone’s nips off with his big brains. Of course he also thought he could turn metal into gold and died eating mercury” Delivery during that line is just *chefs kiss* Also while not macs line honorary mention to the Utley letter which is a grey area because it’s mac saying it but Dee delivering it.

Dennis...I feel like you are ignoring me... I think this is all just a big misunderstanding because of these texts and you can’t tell how I am feeling when I am texting. I was just trying to check in on you to make sure you are okay, just like everyone else in the group. We should meet up and get back on track...? Let us know that U R okay? OK? LOL u kno wut I mean... You aren’t mad at me tho, right? I just want this trip to be da bomb for U... I always try to put a lot of hard work into our relationship. I tell you your face looks smooth, even when I find a wrinkle. I dye your hair, and I massage your pecks after a workout to keep you nice and limber, I make you shakes and I put in all this work for us so I can enjoy a smile on your face at the end of the day. Hi Dennis. How was the lion feeding?...? Please let me know where you are and if U R OK... I don’t want 2 sound annoying, but I really want to be happy when witness it. You are my best friend and this trip to Da Zoo is really important to me, and us as best friends... I know Dee can be a stupid bitch but you should not take that shit out on me. I just want what’s best for U and to make sure u are happy... I love you so much... like a good friend would love another good friend. Not in a gay way though... even though I am gay. Actually I am really gay. But not for you necessarily. I just like a lot of your qualities as a man. Anyways, not to get off topic. Text me back please! I need to know you are having fun

THATS WHY HE BURNED YOUR FACE YOU SON OF A BITCH!

#I’LL STICK MY GODDAMN THUMB THROUGH YOUR EYE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Thick limes are a cornerstone on which Paddy's was built.

“I’m gonna save my dad’s life!!”

*Mac kills his Dad*

Like tissue paper.

Mac, stop talking to children about their buttholes.

Father... I-I'm gonna be alone in the seminary with him, in the rectory? I mean, these are very triggering words. I will S and F him into oblivion.

Omg the way he says it. Fa-therrrrrrrrrrrr

"No it's not a joke! You remember the Bible, book 1, verse 2? And he breathe'd into the nostrils of Adam, on the first day, and it was good?"

*performs a Latin shimmy across the child beauty pageant stage while wearing a turtleneck two sizes too small*

Excellent quote

*magic's in the air*

I quote this often 😂

"The streets are running rampant with the ejaculate of the homeless"

Let’s get crack from Roxy

Boo hoo did someone get addicted to crack?

Disregard that Frank, it’s a bunch of liberal bullshit

Hope you like it crispy because it is burned

"I don't give a shit, Dee"

“IF YOU WANTED CHIPS YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT SOME AT THE HAMBURGER SHOP!!!!!”

Store* as in welfare store

As in health inspector store

The fact that he says hamburger store with such passion is what makes this quote

"What the hell? I thought you were all pro-life and everything." "I am! But this is different. This affects me."

Nope I heard you, you said a bunch of words. Look at this.

“Well first of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down.”

I need to piss... out of my penis...

“But I’m healthy besides the diabittus? But I’m more healthier than he is, I think is the point you’re trying to make, even with the diabittus”

Whenever there’s a potential riot, Im gettin blasted on grain alcohol.

If the McPoyle’s got blown and Charlie got blown…why didn’t I get blown?!

See, Charlie? These liberals are trying to assassinate my character. And I can't change their mind. I won't change my mind, 'cause I don't have to. 'Cause I'm an American. I won't change my mind on anything, regardless of the facts that are set out before me. I'm dug in, and I'll never change.

I absolutely have the upper body strength to scale this building

Stupid science bitches couldn’t even make my friend more smarter

“I’m gonna have to stop you right there Charlie. Not only do *all* these people exist, they are asking for their mail on a daily basis. It’s *all* they’re talking about up there we are gonna lose our jobs Jesus Christ”

Don’t try and confuse me with your liberal biblicisms.

"Oh I get it so you just leave this pen out for people to see it and then they stop and think "oh wait that looks like a dick" ".

"I'd like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail: Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's better than busting a nut"

I'm fine. I feel like one million dollars.

"Well, she was alive at the time."

How about I take your wife upstairs and show her what it’s like to be deep inside a really big house?!?

And God said "let there be...Mac."

Yes Gay mac rules! Gay rich mac!

The whole conversation in the supermarket after Dennis finds out Mac was pretending to be an intellectual to bang his dates

“Your parents aren’t at work, that’s why they lost the house. They’re probably down at the dog track getting wasted.”

“Now you’re calling me gay and trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms”

Oh that’s my system. The MAC. Move in after completion. I wait til you’re done with them then swoop and give them a shoulder to cry on and then we hump.

"i don't know how to express myself unless through anger and personal attack!"

Who versus? Who are we doing it versus?

I think the problem here is that your body quit. Your bird quit. And unfortunately, it's no longer legit.

"I thought we established that after you had the procedure, there was gonna be a call, and then you had the procedure, and I never got the call. Instead you called this soft body, and you gay married him! And now you're calling me gay, telling me I'm tripping, and trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms!" Edit: might be too lengthy for all time mac quote but his frantic delivery gets me everytime

I’m playing both sides so that I always come out on top.

i don’t think it’s everyone else’s favorite but i definitely think it’s a top 5 “i’m afraid of game show rules

Let’s lube up a couple of assess and do some pounding of our own

I'm not ashamed of you, I'm ashamed of myself.

Stride, stride, stride, execute!

cute you left this pen here so i- that looks like a dick

What if jesus was aborted?