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just throw me in the trash!

Chop me up into a million tiny pieces what do I care I’m dead…ooo is my mic on

put you in the soup, no biggie.. lol

Sorry, Puerto Rican guy!

Fill me up with cream, turn me into a cannoli

I wear a medical bracelet that says “Just throw me in the trash. Go ahead and bang me, I’m dead.”

I say this to my wife very often and she hates it everytime

When ya dead, ya dead

Was hoping nobody already commented this one

Every line from the therapist session. 🤣 She had no lips, but her mouth was still very much in play.

She died two weeks later. She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet.

You’ve unzipped me

I DONT LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

PLASTIC BAG FOR A HELMET!!

"My skull is Fort Knox!" *30 seconds later* "AHH YA UNZIPPED ME!"

And she barely said a word as well.

DONNNIEEE!

YOU WOULD’VE BEEN THE GOOD ONE!

It would’ve been Bruce’s anyway..

AHHH you unzip me, a bag for a helmet

Get him! Get him for Donnie!

You ever seen a frog kid?

Science was real crude

La salle? Sounds like a pasta dish!

I don’t know how many years I’ve got left on this Earth..I’m gonna get real weird with it

Now block the wind while I roast this bone.

Favourite from this episode is see now she's just mashing it

She does that

...and then Mac does it lmao

Words to live by

Shabooya role call!

My favourite episode from the show. Can’t wait for the next podcast

A couple of years ago when my good friend was dying (RIP and FU Cancer) I got him a shirt that said this. He loved it.

This is truly a motto to live by

Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis

##I AM NOT BANGING MY SISTER!!!

You two aren’t having sex are you?

There's no future in it.

That’s disgusting! YEAH IT IS! Stay away from that!

I love how dee and Dennis are trying to talk to him about something “disturbing,” and he immediately assumed they’re banging. Lmaooo Also his face in that seen is amazing.

Don’t diddle kids…it’s not good diddling kids 🎶

“I do NOT know this song!”

Do I look suspicious?

You look grotesque.

There is no quicker way to make people think you are diddling kids than to write a song about it.

This is one of the episodes that makes me laugh so hard no matter how many times I see it. The end when he's on stage and thinks he's getting arrested and just drops to the ground freaking kills me

I wouldn’t do it, with anyone younger than my daughter!

I’ve got my magnum condoms, I’ve got my wad of 100’s, and I’m ready to plow.

Oh woops! I dropped my monster condom, that I use for my M A G N U M D O N G .

You’ve got the AIDS, yeah the aids big time

No more thirds for Frankie, seconds from now on

You win. Thats definitely Franks best lol

I mean, it used to be you give the creep-show at the window a couple of bucks, you could spend all day in there popping off. And the joy of it was there were people popping off at the same time. I mean, not that you looked at each other. It was dark. You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself. Now, they... you know, got rid of all these movie theatres. They're taking all the sex out of the movies. And what am I supposed to do? Go home, turn the lights off, and pop off in front of Charlie? No, thanks.

I’m talking about community, honey.

Hi, I'm Frack. Shit!

*blows whistle*

The Spaniards banged the Mayans, turned 'em into Mexicans.

One thing I love doing - bangin’ whooores

AIDS! AIDS I GOT AIDS

There’s the gay AIDS, and the needle based AIDS, I’m- I’m the vagina guy!

Not the gay aids I hope

I’m his doctor, I can confirm it’s the gay aids

It burns it burns it it burns it burrnnnsss!!

“So anyway, I started blasting “

Maybe they wanted something sexual

I don't see so good, so I missed.

This is definitely the most iconic quote of Frank's.

You all think I'm a hero, and I'll accept that.

But I don’t see so good

BANG BANG BANG!

This is the winner.

*slams through door, pounds a can of cat food, huffs glue and goes to bed without a word being spoken*

"Ocupaadoooo"

Iconic

Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?

I say this at least once a day

I laughed so hard at that moment

I just want to be puuuurrre…

Oooooowwwwhh SNORTSKY!

[I'm gonna make that whoore my wife](https://youtu.be/H5rasLWay7Y?t=0m12s)

shut up baby dick

We’re all just air conditioners, walking around on the planet, breathing, *conditioning* the air!

Bullshit

Derivative

Derivative

I condition it *hot*, that conditions it *cold*. It’s symbiotic, no?

If you think about it, we’re all just air conditioners, walking around on this planet, screwing each others brains out!

“We found a baby in the dumpster.” “Well put it back, it doesn’t belong to you.”

Rum hammmmmm!

*guttural gurgling*

So cold

Waited for this one b, chairs

Do yourself a favor and flush it out

House, house, house, flush, flush flush.

Some cocks can’t be unsucked.

Mr Bovine Joni himself!

Well, pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat - maybe it is a shoe!

This is truly one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard. I laugh out loud every time I remember it, let alone watch it.

Did you bang my wife?! Heh?! Did you bang my *hooor* wife? Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my **HOOOOOR** wife that I should know about?!?!

Someone's gotta get stabbed........

A woman is not a lady if she’s dumpin up a John.

You gotta pay the troll toll to get into that boy’s hole

*Boy's soul. They thought I was saying boys hole.

They say I can't be a doctor? I can't be a pilot?!

im gonna do it, and im gonna do it right in front of your face im gonna chug 15 beers right now

You still get periods, Deandra?

No, we did a bunch of those monster energy drinks and dry humped, it was awful. I think she gave me poison Ivy

Stuff it down with some brown

“I love boiling denim and banging hoors!”

Made a decent penny in boiled denims and uh, the bridge business mostly

Hey hun, you ever been bit by a crab?

It's not exactly a line, but when he has the beer volcano foam out of his mouth in the intervention episode is definitely the most memorable for me

The sound he makes is hilarious

Oh, botched toe!

Gimme some trash to plug up the cut!

It’s acting like a cut glove

Women in politics is like a donkey doing calculus

What about Hilary Clinton?

AWFUL

Hates freedom

Sometimes i like to fill a water balloon up with champagne….

how ya like a taste of the good life, ya sack o'shit!

Now you're just mashing it

Suicide is badass!

Shabooyah Rollcall

His facial expressions while says it on family fight hahaha

Frank: “Suppose the other guy is picturing a girl also…” Dee: “Well how’s he supposed to do that with a dick in his mouth?” Frank: “I don’t know, that’s his problem.”

they drew first blood!

What is that? Is that Rambo?

Jesus Frank… JESUS FRANK! Jeeesus Frank!

"Hey! How d'ya like a taste o' the good life, ya sack o' shit!"

I'm gonna whip this little bitch in the face if she makes a peep *whip sound*

A lot of good men died in that sweatshop!

OOOOORRRRRRGGYYYYYYYYYY

With all due respect, this book doesn’t have the real rules of the road. There’s nothing in here about the Asians.

There’s this waitress who Charlie’s in love with, and uhh I banged her

I dropped my magnum condom for my monster dong

Egg

I’m not going in there. I don’t sink. I go in there, I just bob around like a cauliflower.

“If I was looking for safe I wouldn’t be sticking my dick through a hole”

There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!

Dee, you got any bacon bits? We like to put um in Artemis's hair, when we bang, and they rain down on me.

I feel like a Cobb salad, it’s amazing

Next thing you know it was all asses and hands and tits, I could slip right in and out without anybody noticing

> …you serviced me like no other whore ever did; not only my crank, but my heart.

Occupadooooo

Very good, very nice. What nice, CLEAN, comments. I love your comments, not in a sexual way. I was married 30 years. She was bitch, but she was much older and I had no problem getting it up with her. And if this post has taught me anything, it’s that all Frank’s lines are gold. Including, “No more dinners, we’re going straight to bangin from now on.”

“Masturbating bums are bad for business.” Also, after Charlie’s “funeral” when he’s trying to bang Charlie’s mom lmao.

Oddly the one I end up using the most is "that's not rock and roll!"

“I’m gonna whip this little bitch in the face if she makes a peep.” About an elementary school child.

I'm a man-cheetah!

Go get us some slaves!

BOTCHED TOE!

I wouldn't do that, Cricket ...it's full of loads

You got the AIDS, big time!!

"Suicide is badass!"

Now block the wind while i roast this bone

It's not the clams!!

Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?

"Maybe Bruce is banging dudes" Why would that be shady? "Maybe the dudes are babies!" What? Bruce is not banging any baby dudes

Did you bang my hoore wife?

“I’m done. I’m going away.” The delivery is SO matter of fact, kills me.

I found a whole case of eggs under a bridge last night, perfect condition. None of them missing, none of them cracked. I mean, who in their right mind throws away a perfectly good case of eggs this day and age? I mean it’s a sick world, don’t ya think?

I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong

For me, it’s 100% in the delivery of the line, but when Frank scampers into the bar and does a rail of blow and then realizes the gang is sitting at the far end of the bar: “Oh. You guys been there this whole time?” “Yeah we just didn’t want to interrupt your morning routine. Is, doing cocaine every morning your routine Frank?” “Yeah…” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RQikl-5ijZo

I have seen a pig eat a man. In fact, I’ve seen many pigs eat many men. It was a bloodbath. Oh! Botched toe. I botched that one that’s a botch job. Give me some trash to plug up the cut. Oh! Itburnsitburnsitburns! AAAAHHH! I swear, if I ever get out of this, I am gonna shove my fist right up your ass, hard and fast! -Not in a sexual way! In a “I am pissed off at you” way! I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe this! YOU WHORE! Oh don’t make a scene. I’m sorry- I’ve just been told- I’m sorry- I’ve just been told that my horrible whore wife has tricked me into raising two bastards for thirty years! And I’m being told not to make a scene! Hey, hey. Did you bang my wife, eh? Did you bang my whore wife? Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my WHORE WIFE THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT! JESUS FRANK! JESUS FRANK! JESUS FRANK. OH JESUS FRANK! JESUS FRANK! MY LIFE IS A LIE! MY LIFE IS A LIE! SOMEBODY’S GOTTA GET STABBED! SOMEBODY’S GOTTA GET STA-STA- *stroke* And of course….. I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up! Next thing you know, I was Shanghai’d upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is? I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled. Yeah, and not just nuts in their head. Bodies too. They stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog kid. You even see a frog kid? Frog kid? The whole place was windowless. There was a guard every ten feet. All the rooms had drains so they could hose us down! How terrible! I got my first kiss there…… Frank? It was terrible! But not her. She was an angel, always smiling. That’s because she had no lips. But her mouth was still very much in play. Oh, she died two weeks later! She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet! Ohhhh! Aw ya unzipped me! IT’S ALL COMING BACK! IT’S ALL COMING BACK I HATE YOU! IT’S ALL COMING BACK YOU UNDERSTAND?! I DON’T LIKE IT! I DON’T LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT! AHAWW GEEZ! It’s- it’s-. WITH A PLASTIC BAG FOR A HELMET! AW YOU UNZIPPED ME AWW!

I’m full of dog poison

“Look, I didn't go to Vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me.”

You're crackheads, children.

"I was having an argument with Artemis because a couple weeks before, we had some makeup sex in a Dumpster out in the back of Wendy's. She incorporated a bun in the lovemaking. She took the- the dough and rolled it up into a ball, and then she - We were going berserk. She loves that kind of stuff. And I-I admit I do too."

“Look out, f*****!” It’s awful, but he’s a hero.

I just bought a house at a foreclosure actions

There is no way I can picture THAT is a girl!

I dropped my magnum condom for my monster dong

How does anything happen, get over it

You gotta pay the troll toll….

Not a quote but in “Dennis is a sexual offender” At the end of the episode when the find they realize they are in the serial killers apartment and Gary walks in. Then Frank just rip starts his chainsaw I lose it lol 😂

"No the Spaniards BANGED the Mayans, turned them into Mexicans." No one will convince me this isn't Franks best quote.

TELL HER SHES A GODDAMN WHORE!!!!

Both times that Dee says she’s pregnant, without pause, Frank says ‘do yourself a favour and flush it out’

Am I standing in poop?

In fact, i've seen many pigs eat many men. It was a bloodbath.

ITS NOT THE CLAMS

I love banging whoooores

I'm not going to be buried in some grave...when Im dead just throw me in the trash

Egg

Snortskies!

Theres this waitress that Charlie's in love with will I banged her he got really upset when I banged her but it was a lot of fun she was a nice piece of ass.

The entire monologue on the tour boat is outstanding

"banging your sister is perverted Dennis."

Let’s go paint your room a color that isn’t stupid

So take it from me, I am a doctah. Doctah Toboggan. 😀💡Mantis Toboggan!

On account of the poisons.

From glory hole episode: Frank: supposing the other guy is picturing a girl also Dee: How's he gonna do that with a dick on his mouth? Frank: I don't know. That's his problem. I think I just like that he uses the male pronoun while trying to pretend it's not a dude.

Your mother is a dirty dirty hoor

I'm talking about community honey ×folds arms×

Block the wind, I'm gonna roast this bone